Bemorraic; atc
Bellefonte, Pa., February 11, 1916.
ss ———
HE CAUGHT A TARTAR
BOOK AGENT MADE MISTAKE IN
TACKLING LAWYER.
Now He Knows How It Feels to Have
to Listen to a Long, Prosy Har-
rangue Delivered Much as
Parrot Talks.
Having succeeded in gaining access
to the lawyer's private office without
disclosing the object of his call, the
agent for the greatest history of the
world ever compiled started in to gain
the favorable attention of his prospec:
tive customer.
“ ‘Histories make men wise,’
Bacon said,”
and—"’
“I see,” interrupted the lawyer, “that
you have called to invite my attention
to the desirability of adding to my li
brary a set of someone’s superlatively
marvelous history of the world, bound,
no doubt, in cloth, in sheepskin and in
full morocco.
“You have told me that Bacon says
histories make men wise,” he con-
tinued, “and no doubt you will tell me,
also, that Bolingbroke said ‘History is
philosophy teaching by examples,’ that
Lamartine said ‘History teaches every-
thing, even the future,” that Cicero
said ‘Not to know what has been hap-
pening in former times is to continue
always a child,” and that Carlyle said,
‘History is a mighty drama enacted
upon the theater of time, with suns for
lamps and eternity for a background.’
“When you have finished quoting
these more famous gentlemen you will
no doubt begin then to give me some
of your own reasons why I should no
longer deprive myself of the liberal
education to be gained by the mere
association with such a set of books as
you have done me the honor to intro-
duce.
“There are several reasons why I do
not care to subscribe,” the lawyer pro-
ceeded, “but I scorn to reply to the
eminent authorities you have quoted
by simply giving the opinions and rea-
sons of an obscure twentieth century
New York lawyer. Instead, permit me
to remind you that Napoleon said,
‘What is history but a fable agreed
upon? Also that Goethe said, ‘Sin
writes history; goodness is silent.’
Likewise that Voltaire wrote ‘History
is little else than a picture of human
crimes and misfortunes.’ Further-
more that Lord Chesterfield said, ‘His-
tory is only a confused heap of facts.’
And, lastly, that Horace Walpole
wrote, ‘Anything but history, for his-
tory must be false.’
“I thank you for your kind. atten-
tion,” concluded the lawyer, “and I
trust you will encounter no difficulty
in finding your way out.”
Lord
began the salesman,
Ovens Are Capacious.
Since the Dyckman farmhouse at
Broadway and Two Hundred and For-
ty-second street, New York, has been
turned over to the city, visitors are
flocking there to view this old relic
of the old Dutch days and its immense
Dutch ovens. In restoring the house
to the form and detail of the time
when the great-grand-daddies of the
Holland society boys used to visit Jan
Dyckman, the architect had workmen
with pickaxes break through the wall
in the basement kitchen on either side
- of the fireplace, and the ovens, black
with the bakings of centuries, were
disclosed. People who live the gay
kitchenette life have little idea of the
size of a Dutch oven, and just no idea
at all of how many five-cent loaves of
bread can be crcwded into one of
them. About fifty loaves may be
stowed away in the ovens. All of
which shows that the good old Dutch
did not have stingy ideas about the
appearance of the baking.
Twisting a Message.
One of the methods of communicat-
ing from one officer to another in the
trenches of the present great war is to
give the message to one of the pri-
vates and tell him to “pass the word
along” the line until it reaches its des-
tination:. viz, the officer at the other
end. The following story will show
how a serious message can be distort-
ed on its journey from mouth to
mouth: ]
Lieutenant A., in charge of one end
of the British line, told the private in
front to “pass the word along” to Lieu-
tenant B.: “We are going to advance;
can you send us re-enforcements?”
When Lieutenant B. received the
message it was like this: “We are
going to a dance; can you lend us
three - and fourpence?’—Pittsburgh
Chronicle-Telagraph.
Marines to Carry Canes.
. Maj. Gen. Commandant George Bar-
nett of the United States Marine corps
has sanctioned the carrying of swag-
ger sticks by marines when ashore in
uniform or out of garrison. The idea
is borrowed from Cousin “Tommy At-’
kins” of the British army, and it is
thought that the carrying of the sticks
will add distinction to the marine’s al-
ready attractive uniform.
Quite Suitable.
“I have found out that our doctor is
a poet. Rather at variance with his
profession, isn’t it?”
“Not at all. On the contrary, quite
consistent. Isn’t poetry a Hang in the
market?”
| NO ROMANCE IN BUSINESS?|
Treasurer of a Big Po Powder Company |
Is a Living Denial of the
Statement.
A few years ago the man who was
the dominant interest in a certain big !
powder company happened to be in |
Dayton, O., on business, writes Edwin |
Lefevre in the Saturday Evening Post.
He got on a trolley car there and gave
the conductor a five-dollar bill. The
conductor didn’t happen to have the
change, as he had just taken in an-
other large bill from a passenger, SO
he told his fare please to wait until he
could make change. The powder man
arrived at his corner and got off, for-
getting the change that was coming to
him.
Several months afterward he again
found himself in Dayton on business,
and again took a trolley to reach his
destination. Before the powder man
could find the nickel the conductor
said with a pleasant smile, “You're not
going to give me another five-dollar
bill and forget your change, are you?
It’s been waiting for you.”
The powder man entered into con-
versation with the conductor, became:
interested in the young man and of-
fered to give him a job with the pow-
der company. The conductor accept-
ed. He was young, married and had
several children. Also he was a
street car conductor. It isn’t very long
ago that he was ringing fares on a
Dayton trolley car; today he is treas-
urer of the powder company and has
put through some of the big deals.
Two or three months ago the com-
pany had $23,000,000 in cash and
looked for investments. The directors
appointed a committee to invest the
money. The treasurer was intrusted
by the committee with the job and
bought large blocks of stocks in com-
panies that have been turning out war
material. These large investment pur-
chases have so reduced the floating
supply of many of these stocks that it
is easy to understand why relatively
small buying orders can cause fluctua-
tions of thirty or forty points. The
former street car conductor, I am told,
is worth today $5,000,000. No romance,
what!
Peculiarity of French Flag.
It is not generally known that the
three strips of color that make up the
French national flag are not equal in
width. When the tri-color was first
authorized, 1792, the positions and
proportions of the three colors were
not stated, and such a variety of flags
was seen that two years later the na-
tional assembly declared that the na-
tional standard should be formed of
“the three national colors in equal
bands placed vertically, the hoist be-
ing blue, the middle white, and the
fly red.”
For years the flag was made in this
way, but though the bands were equal,
they never looked equal owing to an
optical illusion, the blue appearing
wider than the white, and the white
wider than the red.
At last, after many experiments, it
was officially decided that in every
hundred parts the blue should be
thirty, white thirty-three and red thir-
ty-seven.
The Optimist.
Gilman Hall, magazine writer of.
New York, said of the war:
“It doesn’t pay to be optimistic in
considering this horrid war. Yes, it’s
a pretty rotten world that will stand
for a war like this.
“Optimists, anyway, come to a bad
end. A preacher in a poorhouse said
as he buried an optimist the other
day:
“‘Ah, what an optimist the world
loses in deceased! Once he failed in
business, but thanked heaven he had
his health. Another time he failed
in health, but thanked heaven he had
his business. Then, just before he en-
tered here, he failed in health. and
business simultaneously and said:
“‘Oh, well, what good is the one
without the other? ” — Washington
Star.
Shark Pulls Man's Tooth.
The shark commonly known as the
“hog shark” in native waters is now
fully qualified as a dentist; or, in other
words, the big fish recently pulled a
molar in real approved style. A local
bank official was the man who under-
went the experience of having his
tooth whisked out of his face. Here's
the way it happened:
He is P. F. Gleason of the Germania
bank force. He was in a launch in
Warsaw sound. While fishing he
placed the line in his mouth, holding
it between his teeth. There was a sud-
den terrific tug as a shark grasped the
bait and the tooth, exactly in the front
upper gum, was torn out.—Savannah
Dispatch to New York World.
Both Smiled.
The editor sat at his desk. A candi-
date entered the room and handed
him a manuscript. The editor smiled.
The candidate smiled. They both
smiled. However, their smiles ema-
nated from entirely different sources.
The candidate was smiling because
he wanted, and really thought, his
manuscript was going to “get across.”
The editor was smiling because he
knew there wasn’t a chance in the
world.—Pennsylvania Punch Bowl.
information.
“I'm just beginning to understand
why they label this window ‘Informa-
tion.’ ”
“Can you find out what you want
to know?”
“No. But it's a place where you can
always go and inform somebody about
what you happen to have on your
mind.”
om oh yn cd
WARSHIPS’ GO 600D WORK
{ FRENCH VICTORY OVER INVADING
SCHOOL OF PORPOISES.
British Vessel Also Met and Destroyed
Sea Mcnster That Had Caused
Fear—Norwegian Fleet Found
Its Task Too Big.
Not all the tasks warships are called
on to undertake have to do with war
and the destruction of human life and
property.
A couple of French warships were
sent out into the Mediterranean some
years ago to wage war against a
school of porpoises which were doing
an immense amount of damage to the
fishing industry in those waters. After
three days’ hostilities, durirg which
quick-firing guns were used with con-
siderable effect, the vessels returned
to port triumphant, having practically
annihilated the enemy.
A year or two ago a warship of
Great Britain’s Australian fleet was
given the strange job of capturing or
destroying a mysterious sea monster
which had been reported off the Falk-
land islands.
It is pretty safe to say that the.offi-
cers, if not the crew, entertained
grave doubts of the actual existence
of the frightful creature which had
been described; it was too terrifying,
hideous, gigantic and ferocious.
But shortly after the ship arrived in
the waters where the monster was sup-
posed to lie in wait for vessels, the
officer of the watch descried a
strange-looking beast making toward
his ship, and it was immediately
guessed that this must be the sub-
stance of all the alarming tales. And
a pretty good substance it proved, too.
An attack was made upon it, and
after some hours’ fighting with har-
poons and quick-firers, the mysterious
monster, which proved to be a sea-ele-
phant between 13 and 14 yards long,
was slaughtered and taken aboard.
Some years ago the Norwegian gov-
ernment sent out a powerful little fleet
of warships, armed with mines, tor-
pedoes and quick-firing guns, to ex-
terminate a vast horde of seals which
was denuding the sea on the north:
west coast of all fish life.
But the government had reckoned
upon tens of thousands of seals, where-
as there were millions. So unending
was their number that the fleet had
eventually to admit itself defeated,
with the loss of one man and two
slightly wounded, owing to an acci-
dent, and to “retire in order,” having
exhausted its entire supply of ammu-
nition.
Pleasure Boats for South America.
In Uruguay, Argentine, Chile and
parts of Brazil there are great oppor-
tunities for the sale of small sailing
craft such as catboats or canoes and
light rowing boats with outriggers.
Many of the larger cities of these
countries, situated near the water,
have boating clubs and hold annual
regattas. These sailing and rowing
contests are international in their
character and attract visitors from
each cof the countries sending contest-
ing crews. The Tigre river, about ten
miles outside of Buenos Aires, is lined
with boat clubs and is a favorite re-
sort for Argentinians during the sum-
mer months.
One man could handle the entire
line of commercial and pleasure boats,
and I am sure could make a profitable
initial trip through these countries.
I would also suggest that he carry a
complete side line of accessories, such
as anchors, blocks, rope, varnish,
bunting, sail cloth and the like.~—
Leslie’s.
Much Gold Overlooked.
The sequence of events so often ob-
served in the history of gold-mining
camps has been repeated in the Wil-
low Creek district, Alaska. The
earliest prospectors, in 1897, were pri-
marily interested in the search for
placer gold, and having found it, were
too busily engaged in mining to trace
the stream gold to the veins from
which it originally came. It was near-
ly ten years later that the first of the
valuable quartz veins that now yield
most of the gold mined in the district
was discovered. Since 1906, however,
quartz mining has progressed steadily
and has rested upon a substantial
‘basis.
Preaches in Gray Work Shirt.
Declaring “the reason only two per
cent of workingmen attend religious
service is because 70 per cent of the
ministry is out of sympathy with the
cause of labor,” Rev. C. H. Holcomb,
Barberton, O., preaches to his congre-
gation in a gray work shirt, without
coat and with a red bandana handker-
chief in his hip pocket.
“Some people think that everything
with a long-tailed coat is a preacher,”
he said. “They forget that men in
long tails open street doors in depart-
ment stores and that the cry of ‘Cab,
sir, cab,’ comes most frequently from
a dusky person likewise clad.”’—Mil-
waukee Journal.
For Exhibition of Pets.
“By all means let us have a chil-
dren’s pets exhibition,” enthused Jack
London.
“The only way for man to under-
stand himself is by an understanding
of all life ahout him. Pets for chil-
dren serve to begin this instilling and
to set them on the path of under-
standing. Indeed, an animal pet for
a child is more effective in this mat-
ter, than scores of books after the
child has become an adult.”
RAY-O-LIGHT OIL.
All the winter day you look forward to
the evening, to serving supper, to seeing
the family gathered in the sitting room
—father reading, the young ones get-
ting their lessons done, you yourself
~sewing--all surrounded by a soft flood
of light from the beaming lamp on the
center table.
That same lamp is important, for upon the
light it casts depends the good eyesight
of your family. To avoid any possibility
of eye strain and the headaches and
nervousness that follow, make certain that
each room—sitting room, parlor, kitchen
—is lighted by Rayo Lamps.
SR,
RAY-O-LIGHT OIL:
And to get the very best results, fill them
with Rayolight Oil. Rayo Lamps are
mechanically perfect—they never flicker
nor smell, but they do throw a flood of soft,
mellow light—a light that is ideal for read-
ing, sewing or playing. And the Rayo is a
beautiful lamp—special designs for special
rooms—but every Rayo Lamp can be
easily and quickly cleaned.
Of course, Atlantic Rayolight Oil does
best in Rayo Lamps, but it will improve
the light of any lamp. Really the best
for heating, lighting and domestic uses.
It burns without smell or smoke, and it burns
economically.
As a result of our widely advertised requal, Hropsanes of careful housewives tell us that
Atlantic Rayolight
of work,
oo dealer for
is the very
mirrors, brightening faded dle fg
best th
restoring li
it is important to get the very finest grade of kerosene—so be certain to ask
ey know for Nlishing windows and
ys etc. Naturally, for this kind
ATLANTIC
by name.
ATLANTIC REFINING COMPANY, PHILADELPHIA
useless Question.
“Would your wife vote for you as a
candidate for office?”
my bothering my head about that,” re- |
plied Mr. Meekton. “I don’t believe
Henrietta would let me run in the first
place.”
Meat Market.
Get the Best \ Meats.
You save nothing by buying poor, thin
or gristly meats. I use only the
LARGEST AND FATTEST CATTLE
and supply my chslomers with the fresh-
est, choicest, ood and muscle mak-
ing Steaks and re My prices are no
higher than poorer meats are elsewhere.
I always have
—— DRESSED POULTRY —
Game in season, and any kinds of good
meats you want.
TRY MY SHOP.
P. L. BEEZER,
34-34-1y. Bellefonte, Pa
High Street.
Fine Job Printing.
FINE JOB PRINTING
o—A SPECIALTY—o0
AT THE
WATCHMAN OFFICE
There is no style of work, from the
cheapest ’ to
the finest
BOOK WORK,
lial we can ict do in the most satis-
actory manner, and at Prices consist-
cai wth the lass of work Call onor
communicate with this office’
Flour and Feed. .
(CURTIS Y. WAGNER,
BROCKERHOFF MILLS,
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Manufacturer, Wholesaler and Retailer of
Roller Flour
Feed
Corn Meal
and Grain
Manufactures and has on jiand at alt times the
following brands of high grade flo
WHITE STAR
OUR BEST
HIGH GRADE
VICTORY PATENT
FANCY PATENT
The onl place in the county where that extraor-
dinarily fine grade of spring wheat Patent Flour
SPRAY
can be secured. Also Intetnational Stock Food
and feed of all kinds.
All kinds of Grain bought at the office Flour
xchanged for wheat.
OFFICE and STORE—BISHOP STREET,
It costs no more than the unknown, untried kind.
Compare this issue of the “Watchman” with other county
“I don’t think there's any use of | Papers, and note the difference.
Dry Goods, Etc.
LYON & COMPANY.
BELLEFONTE, PA.
719 MILL AT ROOPSBURG.
SHOES. SHOES.
Special sale of Ladies’, Misses’ and Children’s
Shoes at big reductions.
Ladies’ Gun Metal laced or button Shoes,
value from $1.50 to $4.00. Sale price $1.25
to $1.95. ;
Men’s Shoes that sold for $2.50 now $1.75.
Boys’ Shoes from $1.25 up.
SPRING GOODS.
We are receiving daily new arrivals in Spring
Goods, and have on display all the most up-
to-date materials with the gold and silver
binding and edging to match.
LADIES SUITS.
For the next ten days we will make sale of
one lot of Ladies’ Suits at $5.00. These gar-
ments must be seen to be appreciated. Come
early and secure your bargains.
Lyon & Co. ... Bellefonte