| ft trom the way that tin horn
| with this supper money. No
Eee | ViCUDS. 1 begin to fear that
Bellefonte, Pa., November 7, 1913.
THE COLOGNIZING OF KANSAS.
[BY REX BEACH.)
to beat a farv gume,” said Kink, |
“apd that's with an ax. I've!
tried them all, and | never bad
BO success but the oncet.”
“Did you ever break the bunk,” 1
inquired.
“1 did—with a stick of dynamite.”
We were putting che final touches
to the last cleanup, blowing and
weighing the peid, Kink drying the
wet dust and rewoving the black sand
by blowing it iu a scoop. while 1 at-
tended to the scales. Mrs, Martin had
gone to town for the mall, so we had
full chauce to adventure whither we
chose, aud our fancies led us idly into
the past.
“The play come up like this,” be con-
tinued. “I crow-hops into Tularos one
day. spurning all things sordid and
trivial, for | bave $400 of the realm,
eight months of a thirst and a spirit-
ual cordiality for emotion and stimu-
lus. | am that drawed and haggard
with onwee that the bartender re-
marks it.
| eee but one way |
**What's doing In the way of epi
sodes and distractions of mind in this
camp? says |. i
* ‘Nothing,’ says he, ‘except faro and
roulette and stud poker.’
““Them devices is pueryle and |
meager. | want something vigorous |
and wan's size, something to turn my |
liver over [I've ben dead eight
months. Ain't you got no opery |
house or Iyuchings or ragtime or |
feuds? !
**No.' says he. ‘This here camp is |
sure a sylvau refuge for the jaded. |
There ain't even been a sheep herder
or a chink massacred since old man |
Stubbs bad the treemors, and now |
that be's took the cure the future |
books dark and unepgaging. There's |
nothing but them mercenary gambling |
games.’
*l nosed around for an hour, but I |
never see such a stupefied camp, and, |
being that bulged out with hunger for |
emergencies, | am forced agin the |
green cloth to save my mental bal- |
ance. |
**What's the limit to this snare? I
asks of the invalid In the operating |
chair, having found the layout
“*A dollar,’ says he. |
“ ‘Being twenty-eight years old, with |
much of my life's work still undone, I |
ain't got time to dribble along that |
a-way,’ says |. ‘| Intend to annex |
your bank roll quick and spend it be- !
fore the coin goes out of date or the |
pictures Is wore off of the bills, so if |
you've got a hundred hid out any- |
where I'll roll you for it all in a lump.’ |
“He grones into the drawer, listless '
and feeble, but collects a hundred up |
into a pile and deals the cards. | lose |
the first turn. He's setting sideways |
in bis cbair and don't even onfurl his
legs. i
*“I'bat fluke only serves to postpne |
the evil day for you,’ says I. *Turn
them fer another buundred' Again I |
lose. i
**l had figgered on cleaning you up, |
hitting you a belt with the surcingle |
aud letting you go before this, but I
don’t begreteh the waste of time. You |
alm to belp we get some enthusiasms |
out of life, don't your | appreciate |
your co-operation. Now | got you. |
Let ber go.
“1 coppers the bullet and lets the
filly run open for u hundred each. He
pushes out the top card and the next |
two lays queen, uve. He drags in the |
Hi
sport will begretch a grub stake to
my
tem ain't bad its Gill of excitations
er. |
* ‘What do you mean?
*‘Um-m?” says I.
“While | am looking about the store
1 spies some pea soup sticks. Ever
seen ‘em? They are split peas ground
up like sawdust and in
greased pauper, about eight inches long
by uu inch in diameter. They look jest
like ca'tridges of giant powder—same
size, some color and everything.
They're mighty handy to pack on a
trip. All you do is break off a piece |
and boil it up. I've et cords and oceans
of it. | have 20 cents left, and 1 buy
one soup ca'tridge: also about four
inches of fuse.
* ‘What time does No. 10, the east-
bound accommodation, pull out? I in-
quires of the man as | leaves,
“ “Ten o'clock.’ says he.
“‘Tm-m! says I. At 945 1 stam-
pedes into the gambling joint, which
is filled like a spade Gush. My bair
is mussed up, my collar open, and my
eyes sort of riled and locoed. 1 stand
around for a few minutes roting
queer, twitching my muscles and lick-
ing my lips. nervous, till | see that the
| whole room bas spotted my dishybilly.
Then | edges over to the galaxy at the
faro table, where my dyspeptic crook
Is taking good money away from some
punchers.
**Gimme a light,’ says | to one of
‘em, and when 1 have it | continues to
the dealer:
“'Do you still hunger for excite
ment?
**1 smacks my lips over it,’ says he.
And his eye is on me, cold as a rat-
tier, while he slips his hand into the
gun drawer.
**Well, bere it is!’ 1 yells, yanking
j out the roll of pea soup, with the fuse
hanging to it. | touches it off with
the blazing match, amd it begins to
sizzle.
“*We'll all go up fu a bunch? 1
screams in the tones of a busted tug
whistle, giving a laugh Hke the rav-
ings of John McCullough, that I heard
in a phonygraph once. However, the
dramatic polish of them wmerriments
Koes unheeded, because the crowd is
moved by one uncommon impulse, and
| the sound of their hoofs is like the
roar of thunder. Noise busted out of
them cowmen ‘like they'd blowed off a
cylinder head. They didn’t holler, but |
horrid discord just pizened the air.
“In a gun fight a man can hide back
of the bar or craw! under the stove or
into the neck of a beer bottle if he's |
scared enough, but sech protective
stratagems is wholly vain agin dyna-
O37
hard earned savings of my last four | ~
months without n symptom of joy iu |
bis eye. Then wheu | sets back my |
chair he yawns and says:
“‘If you happen futo anything that
wliil bust this monotony lemme know.
I'm most dead.’
“Naturally | am somewhat para-
lyzed at having my anticipations mire
down this a-way inside of three min-
utes. Yes, | am left at the post; and.
being young, | am prone to anger. |
frisks myself for loose change where
with to continue the enrnage, while
my indignities rise up in my nose, but
1 am disappoisted. | am let our com-
plete, thinks |. till | find a lone twen-
ty dollar gold plece iu my vest pocket
a8 | gees out the door. | turus around
» “*Here! You overlovked this one,’
says 1. and 1 throws it af him as bard
as | can. Then | hikes out to the rail.
road track and sets ou a handcar, In-
venting synougms for the worst words
1 knowed ‘T'nlk about blues, | am the
dumanp wiggle stick.
“It's along about dark when | ex-
hanst all the bad unmes in three lan
®uages and ecall the fact that | ain't
et none since morning. | goes back to
the gambiing room nud braces Mr.
Dealer.
¢ *‘I'm as holler as a gun bar',’ says
1. He hauds out a dollar, looking sour
and growing, without even the compli-
mepts = the seasou. The reluctant
way be does it offends me, but | swal-
Jers my pride for an appetizer and
ambles Into a grocery store across the
way to buy sp ontres of crackers and
cheese; alsc a salad course of baloony
sausage. After I'd substituted my own
for the baloony skin | feel better.
Having bad the feast of reason, |
crave the tlow of soul. | hunger for
the poets, so | eat a pound of French
mixed candies with verses on ‘em.
“‘Are you the sport that lost the
$400 this afternoon? asks the grocery
creature, full of prying indecencies.
“*No, sir; | am the isospondylous,
malacopterygian sucker who done so.
Why?
* ‘Well, nothing: only that's a brace
game.’
“*A brace? says 1.
“ ‘Sure. It's a pheny box.’
“iWwe'll all go up in a bunch!’ |
screams.” ’
mite. It appeared like everybody got
a fair, honest start, because they all
run a dead heat to the door, where
they met and wedged, then clawed
their way out into the night and far
away. As for the dealer, a cold draft
fanned my artificially fevered brow
from the window through which he
had departed. He ran plum out of
town, wearing the window sush for a
necktie. Not a soui was left to tell
the tale.
*1 scooped off the bank roll and step-
ped to the back door. There was con-
siderable currency Iying on the crap
table, and silver glittered on the wheel,
but | passed them by. it was not for
me. | had busted the bank and was
content. For all | knew the other
games was op the square, and mine
was only a mission of vengeance
Five minutes later | climbed Into a
side door Pullman on No. 10 just as
she pulled out from the water tank
Long about daylight a brakey collect:
ed $2 from me. You see, it's & custom
out there for to charge the blanket
stiffs a regular tariff,
“What's a blanket stiff? Why, he's
a half hobo that travels with his bed-
ding and is 'ristocratic in his predilec-
tions for box cars instead of riding a
brake beam. Likewise he cavils at
the blind baggage. Well, I'm jest get-
ting fixed to count my money when
we pull into a siding In the foothills
and stop. 1 hear a voice outside,
* ‘Whoa, Balaam!
“I see the head of a burro looking In
the car door, Inquiring and sleepy.
Somehow | allus want to laugh when
I look a burro in the face, he's that
simple and unassuming and ‘Have.
“'Um-m! says 1. 'l might 'a’ knowed | you-used-Plum's-soap’ looking, but 1
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“*How far you going? says he.
“‘Eund of the division,’ Mike an-
“ ‘Two dollars apiece!’ says Mojave.
‘I don't like your classifications, for
Balaam ain't a mule nor I ain't a
burro.’
“All right. Call him a mocking bird,
only give me $4.
**1 ain't got iv’
“*What! Well, get out or this car.
G'wan, now, before | throw you out.
What you mean anyhow, crawling in
here broke?
“Mr. Brakeman 's some wrathy, but
Mike don’t move, only to reach out
and get Balaow by the halter. The
brute is still eating succulent bunches
of excelsior, dreamy and amiable,
while peace and friendship look out of
his brown eyes, and his tail swishes
with content. All Is sunshine for
Balnam.
**Out you go, you blamed hobo!
says the rliroad man, making for
Mike.
* ‘Look out! There aln't going to be
doors enough In this car for you! says
Mike. And, giving Balaam’'s halter a
twist, he says, 'H'ist, boy!
“Balaam h'isted. He throwed down
his mouse colored head, and the whole
back end of him come loose. He sure
severed his counections and cut his
home ties. His little hocfs hit the
brakeman in the stnmmick so that the
breath come out of him with a
‘whoof! like the squawk of ac auto-
mobile boru The geutleman riz up,
laid both hands upon Balanm's tracks
and sat down hard in the other cor-
ner, then doubled up ilke he had only
one joint in his back, wrapped his
arms around himself three times and
began to kick like a hen with its head
cut off, while he made little gasping
noises like wind leaking into an old
pump. Mike scratched Balaam, and
the little felier waggled his ears saga-
cious, winking at me, meanwhile chew-
ing the juice out of another batch of
shavings that growed near by.
“‘You sound like you was ripe
| enough to pick, said Mike to the rail
roader, ‘lI don't like 'em when they
go “pank.” .
“It seemed like the man couidn't
reach no amicable settlement with his
breath whatever, and !t was ten min-
utes before he'd arranged a satisfac-
tory working basis with it. Then he
¢i wled out, hiccoughing cuss words
aud threats all bashed up like a beef
stew. In mebbe half an hour he come
back with his pardper, but Mike was
intrenched bebind Balaam. The men
them pursuits natural. | got the abil-
ity.’
2
“*No; it's simply the introduction
western modes and civilization
jungles of the decaying east.
open up in Kansas.’
Thereupon he gave me the blue
of a plan
i
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lays waste with delight every hamlet
it plays. It costs nary a cent to see
it, which same appeals to farmers of
all ranks. Mike is lit up like a Dewey
arch, a thousand candles strong, with
a long fur trimmed overcoat, pointed
yaller shoes, tan gaiters and a pearl
deal immediate. ‘T was cut out for |
==
“Does it take that much of a stack |
gray felt hat. For a theatrical make-
up he has Jobn Drew run under the
bed.
“l am Papriky Carramba, the Ari-
‘zona bandit. You see, | am some
black, anyhow, so 1 incase mysolf in a
greaser habit of speech, a bewhiskered
buckskin suit and am a dangerous
desperado.
“Here's the
a quartet by
rogram. We open with
he niggers. Ob, yes; I
near forgot the niggers! We have four |
Senegambians from Topeka that sing |
from all poiuts of the compass to a
common center
‘Turkey In the Straw’ on the banjo,
while the others dauce. They cost us
fourteen a week i
"Well after the music the Mexikin
desperudo gives exhibitions of throw-
Ing the bowie amd pistol practicz, aft-
er which we have more music, and
Mikes does ‘marvelous, mystifying |
feats of sleight of hand too batling
for the mind and too rapid for the
eye. Then we have some buck and
winging by the African team, after
which Mike addresses the pacified and
radiant hay diggers as follows: |
**No doubt, Indies and gents, you
bave been delighted by our educa.
tional entertainment, but to give fleet |
Ing pleasure aln't our only mission. |
We have a higher motive. It is a
blessed privilege to make the arduous |
path more pleasant, and we are here
to conduce tc thew scenic effects by
abating the nuisances of life One
man may like music and his neigh- |
bor prefer the screech of a sled run- |
ner on bare ground. This one may
bave a sweet tooth, while his friend's |
is holler and the nerve exposed; but,
dear friends. all the world loves a
sweet smell. f
“‘We admire the jassamine and
would fain preserve the fragrance of
the rose Let us have done with the |
sordid sceuts of the stables and im-
ported cheese and tickle our tonsils
with the breath of forest flowers.
That, ladies and gents, is our sacred |
errant amongst you. We are the dis-
tributing agents of the Kansas Co- |
logne company, unlimited. Remember,
we have nothing to sell; we only ad-
vertise the perfumery so that you can
buy direct from yonr local druggists.
We simply charge a nominal price to
cover the cost of the bottles and the |
| hand painted labels, giving you the
|
One of ‘em plays
ee ———————————— i —— re er ——
FURS. FURS.
Good Furs at low prices are unusual at the
beginning of the season. The continued
warm weather has had something to do with
the special low prices.
Our assortment is the largest, everything new
in Neck Pieces and Muffs to match. We are
showing the Brown Fur sets in the long new
scarf effects with the large pillow muff, Black
and Red Fox sets, animal Scarf and Two-skin
Muffs. White Fox set, Two-skin Scarf and
Muff. Real Brook Mink sets in all the
newest shapes in the Two-animal Scarf and
Muffs. Childrens and Misses Fur sets in
white, black and brown, in all the new shapes.
Single Muffs, in black and brown, in barrel,
envelope, and pillow shapes.
LaVogue Coats and Suits
La Vogue Coats and Suits. We are showing
special new models in our Coat and Suit de-
partment for November.
Blankets and Comfortables.
Comfortables and Blankets from the cheapest
to the best, at prices that will interest all
thrifty buyers.
UNDERWEAR.
Men's, Womens’ and Children’s Underwear in
fleeced and wool. In all sizes at remarkably
low prices.
Lyon & Co. .... Bellefonte
The Centre County Banking Company.
Strength and Conservatism
are the banking qualities demanded by careful
depositors. With forty vears of banking ex-
perience we invite you to become a depositor,
had sticks and tried to storm him, but , tontents as free as this program,
that donkey's buttress was plump im- | Which ain't yet over.
pregnable. Compared to him Port Ar-| “*To conclude this evening's enter-
thur was as easy of access as a polit- | tainment 1 propose to spar three
fcal meeting, and Gibraltar bad signs rounds with Senor Carramba, demon-
of ‘Welcome’ all over it. 1 never see | Strating in a refined and gentlemanly
no real kicking before nor since. The
alr growed congested and thick with
it, and there was enough hoof in the
atmosphere at any minute to run a
glue factory for a year Mike was
acting gunner's mate. finding the
ranges and aiming him like a pivot
gun, while the little feller hitch kicked,
drop kicked, place kicked, punted and
kicked goal from the field. He kicked
the sticks out of their hands he kicked
the taste out of their mouths, and If
Mike had let him go he'd have kicked
them so high they'd bave starved be-
fore they iit. He kicked them togeth
er into a plle, kicked them out the end
door and resumed his browsing.
“ ‘How's foot racing, Mike? says I,
crawling forth from my retreat.
* ‘Why. bello!" says he. shaking
hands. ‘I've just been run out of a
little town up here without my bat.
Me and Balaam Is going east. If you're
broke, too, I'll let you ride on my
ticket. He's good fer a carload.’
“‘We are quitting the west our-
selves,’ says I, tapping my wishbone
with dignity, for | feels the bank roll
agin wy ribs and am filled with fig
gers of speech,
“i“We"' repeats Mike, inquisitive
and suspicious ‘You say “we like
you had money. | seen it in a book
dncet that only three people is 1b
censed to say “we”—kings, editors end
men with tapeworms. I add to it a
man with great wealth. Which one of
the four are you? Do you mean to say
you've got money in your disreppitable
person and stood by while me and
Balaam worked our passage?
“For repartee | showed a roll the
size of a clothes bag and told my
story. We counted the money, and it
totaled $520 to a cent, my original
stake and the gambler's $100 which 1
would have won from him if I hadn't
been cheated.
“*‘This here is our opportunity to
forsake the old life and acquire hon-
esties. We'll go into business, says
Mojave, declaring himself in on the
-~
manner the blows with which I won
the title of middleweight champeen of
the world. This Is not a brutal exhibi-
| tion, but a clean and scientific lesson
in that greatest domestic accomplish-
ment, the “man and womanly art of
self defense.” It Is indorsed by the
leading society ladies of the great cit-
fes and bas received the highest en-
comjiums from prominent divines.
While we are changing costume the
four Moorish gentlemen will pass
amongst you with free samples of the
cologne. After you have smelled it
they will offer for sale the few re
maining bottles Remember. four
ounces for the ridic'lous sum of 50
cents, hardly enough to cover the cost
of the hand painted labels. Ouly those
parties retaining bottles will be al-
lowed to remain during the pugilistic
symposium.’
"Well. sir, you never saw the ilkes.
You'd ‘a’ thought their sense of smell
had laid out in the wet and got rusty
They couldn't get enough of it: four
‘ounces for four bits—ridic’lous cheap,
too, when you cousider that it stood us
$8 an ounce In Topeka—that is, the
real stuff that the coous carried around
did. but of course the four ounce bot-
tles wasn't quite so precious, being as
we filled them with filtered water and
soaked the corks iv real cologne dur
ing the afternoons when we wasn't
busy. Yes, sir, they sure did like the
smell of them corked up water bottles,
and we was doing well.
“*Quick sales and small profits is
our motto,’ says Mike. We make 49
cents a battle, which is small enough,
and we sail out of a place as quick
as possible. All it takes to run the
biz Is a barrel of spring water and a
little eight dollar cologne to smell up
the corky with, It's a secret process.
“We used to drink Kansas cologne
with our meals, it was that harmless,
and I guess we disposed of several
thousand of the ‘few remaining bot-
ties." Nobody ever left the show be-
[Continued on page 7, Col. 1.)
assuring you of every courtesy and attention.
We pay 3 per cent interest on savings and
cheerfully give you any information at our
command concerning investments you may
desire to make.
The Centre County Banking Co.
Bellefonte, Pa. 566
The First National Bank.
We have received a limited number of
Wall Maps
of Centre County
Showing State Highways, County Roads,
Railroads, Etc. We shall be glad to give
them to our friends while they last.
They cannot be sent by mail.
The First National Bank,
Bellefonte, Pa.