—_—
Bellefonte, Pa., November 29, 1912.
IT IS NOT TO LAUGH AT
Playwright Has Wholesome Fear of
Ridicule, Most Powerful of
inteilectual Weapons.
The playwright’s sleventh command.
ment is, “Thou shait not get thyself
laughed at.” Ridicule has always been
8 most powerful intellectual weapon
and one against which, when skilfully
gsed, it is difficult to offer an effective
defense. But the plsywright's fear of
getting himself laughed at is not a
personal one at all. At least, it is
most perilous.
Once I wrote a nuvel. 1 never did
80 much work before or since for
$136.76, and yet 1 sometimes envy
the novelist. At all events, he is mas-
ter of his own pages. No cat can
walk into the middle of page 168 with-
out his consent. No blundering fiy-
man can ruin the climax of his “big
act” by lowering the curtain too soon
or too late. The pet comedy scene of
his book is never spoiled and blurred
by the arrival in the midst of it of
some bibulous party, just from a very
gay dinner, falling over every one's
feet on the way to their seats in the
middle of a row. Fire engines never
shriek past the doorway of his pages
Just as the hero is saying plaintively
to the sympathetic heroine, “But why
do I tell you all this?” Nobody in the
front row ever falls in a fit and has
to be carried out by the ushers right
in the middle of his funniest para-
graph. All his doors close when he
gloses them and stay closed till he
opens them. His actors always say
what he tells them to say.—A. L.
Thomas in the New York Tribune.
TWAIN AND THE OFFICE BOY
How the Late Humorist Rebuked by
His Wit an Officious
Youth.
Mark Twain did not cherish a fond-
ness for the average office boy. He
had an idea that the genius was in-
sufferable, and invariably when the
humorist sallied forth into some busi-
ness office there was immediate
armed hostility between him and the
boy.
' One day Mark went to see a friend
at his office, and the office boy on
guard, in icy tones, said:
“Whom do you wish to see?”
Mark mentioned his friend's name.
“What do you want to see him
about?” came next from the boy.
Mark Twain immediately froze up
and then with a genial smile he said:
“Tell him, please, I want to ask his
hand in holy matrimony.”
Paradoxical Problem Is Solved
Through Obvious Point in Cir
cumnavigation,
A correspondent sends to the Her.
ald a paradoxical problem Which, he
believes, originally appeared in
Plesse’s “Chymical, Natural and Physi-
cal Magic,” published some 50 years
8g0. Two persons were born at the
same place, at the same moment of
time. Fifty years after they both died,
also at the same spot and at the same
Instent; yet one had lived 100 days
more than the other.
The possible solution turns on a
curious but very obvious point in cir
cumnavigation., A person going round
the world toward the west loses a
day; going toward the east he gains
one. Suppose, then, two persons born
together at the Cape of Good Hope,
whence a voyage round the world may
be performed in a year; if one per
forms this constantly toward the west,
In 50 years he will be 50 days behind
the stationary inhabitants; and if the
other sil equally toward the east, he
will be 50 days in advance of them.
One, therefore, will have seen 100
days more than the other.—Clasgow
Herald.
Home Life in the Windy City.
Gustav H. De Kolkey of Chicago
bad his wife arrested on the charge
of robbing him in his own house.
“My wife, her brother and a board-
er,” he declared, “sneaked up behind
me and bore me down to the floor.
Then, while the two men held me
hasn't given me a cent for a year,
first I tried to chloroform him, but he
always sleeps on his face. So I called
my brother and we held him and I got
what was In his pockets.”
“Perfectly justifiable,” announced
the court.
Seafaring Races.
The pertraits of Captain Amundsen
show a certain likeness to Dr. Nansen,
narrow skull of the
curious circumstance
ing races, whether on
the Mediterranean, have
of head, while the inlanders of
are predominantly of the broad headed
Alpine sort.
But it will hardly do to make long
headedness the cause of seamanship,
as some enthusiasts have done, for
the Japanese, who are round
take readily to the sea.
I
ABOUT A PENNY |
| Sample of Extent to Which Red Tape |
Queer Requirements Made in France | Methods Prevail in Ger " |
That Official Records May Be many. |
Completed. — |
, declares Mr. S. Earing-
In France, as in some other coun- 'q,.4 in his book, “The Land of
tries, every citizen has an official his- qm pw 15 absolutely swathed in red |
i
tory. Not as varied and interesting tape. In illustration, he tells an ex- |
as his real history, but still import- |. o.io00 of his own while journeying |
ant. Jom this there follow at times by. rail from Ober-Lenningen to wes.
i asked at Ober-Lenningen a
married, for example, a wife she re- | 4 100s ticket to Owen, and sup- |
mains officially though the husband | ,oyng that I had got what I asked
may be missing for, stepped into a third-class carriage.
Consider the case of the painter | 1 e
whe went fishing on. Aathie bay. “He On these branch lines nearly everyon:
"FINE JOB PRINTING
WATCHMAN OFFICE
There is of
et Does 0 na the
Eas
has not since been seen. The body of
one man who went with him was
washed ashore lifeless. You would
travels fourth. Before reaching the
next station—only a mile from Ober-
Lenningen, in fact—the inspector ap-
peared. “Hah!” he said. “You have
a fourth-class ticket, and are in a
third-class compartment. The fine is
six marks.”
I explained, and offered at once to
pass into a fourth-class carriage or
pay the difference in the price of
tickets.
“That will not do. You have in-
| fringed the law, and must pay six
: marks,” the man insisted.
“I get out at Owen, and will explain
matters to the station master,” I said.
call this tolerably convincing proof
that his wife had been made a widow.
She thought so and in due time she
sought to have it recorded in her of-
ficial history that she was a widow.
We are familiar with applications to
a court of justice for leave to pre-
sume the death of persons who have
vanished. But the French judge was
not to be so easily persuaded as our
courts. The wife was in her official
history a wife and there was no certifi-
cate to justify her appellation being 1 did so.
changed to widow. Without a certifi-| “The fine is six marims,” sald the
EARLE C. TUTEN
(Successor to D. W. Woodring.)
None but Reliable Companies Represented.
Surety
Both Telephones 5627.y BELLEFONTE, PA
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AT THE
BOOK WORK,
Fire,
Life
and
Automobile Insurance
Bonds of All Descriptions.
cate or reasonable documentary evi- official, peremptorily.
dence no man obviously ought to die. “But, said I, “I demanded a third-
There was a way round. The be | class ticket, and was given one for
reaved woman applied for a divorce on | which I had not asked. This was an
the ground of desertion, Since death ‘ oversight on the part of the clerk.”
is beyond dispute the most complete | “You should have examined your
kind of desertion, the court of Mon- | ticket,” the station master insisted.
treuil decided that she could not be! The train was delayed five minutes
denied. So the widow is recognized as | while we threshed out the question on |
an independent woman and apparently | the platform in great detail, and the
both the law and she are satisfied. But | other passengers craned their necks
you will observe that the official his- | out of the windows of the carriages
tory must now record the wife of a and listened with lively interest. At
dead man as a divorcee, which does last, reluctantly, the station master |
not seem very creditable to official ' yielded; but I must pay the difference. |
history. | “What is it?" I asked.
{ “One penny.”
JOHN F. GRAY & SON,
(Successor to Grant Hoover) !
we hs an [ae
Life :
Accident Insurance.
me |
WHY THE PLANETS COLLIDE
FIRST OF ANIMAL HOSPITALS
Gravity and Other Agencies Are at
Work in Bringing Stars
Together.
More Than 2,000 Years Ago One Was
Established in India, Says
an Authority.
There is good reason to believe that S———
the bodies in space—both luminous The New York women who have
and dead—occasionally fall together, opened a free animal dispensary in
and his conception of such an event | this city are regarded as pioneers In a
was given by Prof. A. W. Bickerton | good work. As a matter of fact one
in a late Royal Institution lecture. | must go to the Orient and look back
The collisions do not come at ran- | more than 2,000 years to find the first
dom. Gravity and other agencies are | animal hospital known.
at work, and before two suns collide | The famous Buddhist emperor of In-
they come into each other's influence | dia, Asoka, whose long reign from 264
for hundreds of years, being drawn | to 227 B. C. abounded in many good
towards each other with constantly in- | Works, was probably the earliest to
creasing speed. As the velocity would | establish a hospital for the treatment
be proportionate to size, the collision | Of animals, says Our Dumb Animals.
would take place in the same time— | Asoka was a true humanitarian as
about three-fourths of an hour—for all | Well as a most powerful sovereign and
bodies. With the collision the two 2lthough ruling a vast domain be-
stars become a new one, the tremen- | came deeply impressed by the horrors
dous speed is suddenly converted into | Of warfare.
heat, and the explosive force expands | He gave up his desire for conquest
the new star at the rate of millions of | and the rock inscriptions, which are
miles an hour. This, Professor Bick. | Still extant, record such beneficent
erton believes, explains the origin of | edicts of his as the counseling of
Nova Persei, which suddenly flashed | Planting shade trees, the digging of
out in 1901 with 10,000 times the bril- | Wells, sending out of missionaries, ap-
The Preferred
Accident
Insurance
THE
liancy of our sun. This star became
the brightest in the heavens ex
Sirius, and was the most brilliant new
star that has appeared in 300 years.
An Expert Name Manufacturer,
At a dinner in New York William
‘Ray Gardiner, the advertising expert,
scored neatly off an advertising fad
that has of late been rather overdone.
“A young couple,” he began, “had
been blessed with the advent of a
littie son, and the wife, at dinner one
evening, said:
“ ‘What shall we name our darling,
Jim?
“Jim wrinkled his brow and re-
plied:
“ ‘Well, I submit Childa, Firstbornio,
Thebol, Allours, Sunne, Ourown, Our-
ownson—'
“But at this point his wife shut him
up. He could, of course, have kept on
indefinitely. You see, he was one of
those advertisement writers who in-
vent new names for breakfast foods,
tinned soups and patent medicines.”
Starving Out Troublesome Pigeons.
City hall pigeons ars once more un-
der the ban in Philadelphia, and Di-
rector Porter is the man who is trying | 9a.
to get rid of them. Instead of at-
tempting to do this, as Mayor Reyburn
and Director Clay did, by putting up
screen at the entrance and turn-
hose upon the
proposes to
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His Sacrifice.
“I suppose, like all government offi-
clals,” said the man who sneers, “you
meking personal sacrifices in or-
der to serve your country.”
“Yes,” replied the village postmas-
ter; “it's pretty hard to have to
reading addresses when I'd rather
Ieoking at the pictures on the
Car ”
pointment of special officers to super-
vise charities, the establishing of hos-
| pitals for human kind and animals
i It is of interest to know that the
| last remaining of Asoka’s hospitals
| was devoted to animals. It covered
twenty-five acres and was divided into
proper wards and courts for the ac-
commodation of the patients. When
an animal was sick or injured its
master had only to bring it to the hos-
pital, where it was cared for without
regard to the caste of its owner, and
where, if nycessary, it found an asy-
lum in old age.
Uncle Joe's Reply.
Some members of the house heard
a few days ago the strangest combi-
nation of sacred and profane language
which had ever been uttered on that
floor. During a debate Uncle Joe Can-
non went after A. Mitchell Palmer of
Pennsylvania, and handled him with-
out gloves.. Cannon is a Quaker and
go is Palmer. When conversing pri-
vately they drop into the Quaker ver.
nacular, After the debate Palmer
went to the former speaker, who is
thirty-six years older than himself.
“Uncle Joe,” he said, “thee treated
me a little roughly in the debate to-
”
“Well,” replied Uncle Joe, in a mix-
ture of Quaker and Cannonian Eng-
lish, “perhaps I did treat thee a little
severely, but blankety-blank, thou de-
the plaintiff on the stand. “Yet,
is your which
testify to
pocket at
count for that?”
“Why,” sald the plaintiff, “the car
was going so fast there wasn't time
for the crystal to break, sir.”—Har
per's Weekly.
House Cleaning Time.
Woman of the House (
Jimmie—Ain't that great? I'll bet
the kids up there play ball the whole
year round.
50-21.
AEE
ed by any agency in
$5,000 TRAVEL POLICY
H. E. FENLON,
Agent, Bellefonte, Pa.
Groceries.
b
A Set of Harness in Nickle or Imi-
LOAN on good security and
MES, mena
51-14-1y.
; Flour and Feed.
IM,
———
CURTIS Y. WAGNER
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Manufacturer, Wholesaler and Retailer of
Roller Flour
The
Pn Fo ees
SPRAY
be secured. Also International Stock Food
fa and feed of ail kinds.
All kinds of Grain bought at the office Flour
exchanged for wheat.
OFFICE and STORE—BISHOP STREET,
47-19
tation Rubber, at........... $12.85
This harness is equal to $15 set on the
any
Genuine Rubber............ $14.85
which has no equal for less than $17,
3 De: Ee oF maul
be mailed upon request.
Address all communications to
to which he will his
cheerfully give his prompt
The
GUARANTEE Be goods are as rep-
James Schofield,
Spring Street 55-22 Bellefonte, Pa
Groceries,
Watch this
New Advertisement
Next Week
Sechler &
Bush House Block, -
Groceries!
|
571 -
Square for
Company,
~ We are the
imestone
Lime and Crushed
tH Increase Your Crops E:0
‘ Lime is the life of the soil.
USE CENTRAL PENNSYLVANIA LIME
Some Farmers have actually doubled their crops by use of “H. 0.” lime
Drill it forquick results. If you are not getting results use “H. 0.” lime
Manufacturers of Lime in Pennsylvania. Ground
and Lime for all purposes.
Works at Bellefonte, Frankstown, Spring Meadows, Tyrone Forger and Union Furnace.
Write for literature on lime.
AMERICAN LIME & STONE
565-4-6m
COMPANY.
Offices at TYRONE, PA.
.
SE
N B. Ei FI
OF Cernan, Office in Crider’s
H 3 Eo Oct amen Hos piace. Bette:
doe: Allkinds of legal businets it-
H.
J NET ZEL—Attumey and Counsellor at Law
Pa All kinds of business
to promptly. Consultation English or German,
[Ea
a receive prompt x
W* ER ren rte
. R YARD. D.D S., office to
Dems
D* “ht Tes as, Oa i
Has
years of experience. work A
and prices reasonable. ol ity
EE ——
——
ESTAURANT.
Bellefonte now has a First-Class Res-
Meals are Served at All Hours
Plumbing.
Good Health
Good Plumbing
GO TOGETHER.
When have dnpping steam pipes,
water fixtures, "foul Sewerage. or bri
yeni Rdg Re ogi
SANITARY PLUMBING
is the kind we do. It's the only kind you
don’t trust this work to
boys. Our workmen are Skilled Mechanics,
r
Material and
Fixtures are the Best
Not a cheap or inferior article in entire
bi nt. “And with good work aad the
Prices are lower
or J PEAR
ork
ARCHIBALD ALLISON,
Opposite Bush Houge - . Bellefonte, Pa.
————— er —————
_____ Coala and Wood.
EDWARD K. RHOADS
Fiving ma Session
ANTHRACITE anp BITUMINOUS
COALS
CORN EARS, SHELLED CORN, OATS
and other grains,
— BALED HAY AND STRAW —
Builders’ and Plasterers’ Sand.
KINDLING WOOD
by the bunch or cord as mav suit purchasers,
respectfully solicits the patronage of his
friends and the public, at his Coal Yards
near the Pennsylvania Passenger Station.
Game in season, and any kinds of good
meats you want.
TRY MY SHOP.
P. L. BEEZER,
High Street. 334ly. Bellefonte, Pa.
a ——