Brac pan
‘Bellefonte, Pa., February 17, 1911.
A Tip on Oats.
According .to the Saturday Evening
Post, a man who had a country place
on Long Island came to New York
one morning to do nu little speculating.
He was a great believer in tips.
On the ferrybont it came to him |
that he had had somehow a tip on |
oats. tie couldn't remember just what
ft was, but somebody had told him to
buy oats. So when he reached his
broker's office he looked into oats a bit
and bought some. Oats were active:
He pyramided skillfully and by the |
close of ihe market was £7,000 ahead.
Of course such luck as that had to |
be cel-hrated, nnd it was, As the cele
bration went on the oats buyer told the
story several times nnd each time took
on importance in the recital as an oats |
buyer until he tinnliv becane the oats |
king. [le reached his railroad station
somewhat lute and found the stable
man waiting for him with a trap.
“By the way.” said the stableman.
“did you remember to order that five
bushels of oats 1 asked you to buy this
morning?’
Not Safe.
The negro on occaxions displays a
i
fine dizserimination in the choice of |
words
“Who's the best whitewasher in
town?" inquired the new resident.
“Ale [Hall am a bo'nd a'tist with a
whitewash brush, sah.” answered the
colored patriarch eloquently.
“Well, tell him to come and white-
wash my chicken house tomorrow.”
Uncle Jacob shook his head dublous-
ly.
“Ah don’t believe, sah, Ah'd engage
Ale Hall. to whitewash a chicken
house, sah.”
“Why, didn't you say he was n good
whitéwlasher?”
“Yas, sah, a powe'ful good white-
washer, sah, but mighty queer about
chicken house, sah, mighty queer!"—
Human Life.
Her Revenge.
A little gir! had been so very naugh-
ty that her mother found it necessary
to shut her up in u dark closet—in that
family the direst punishment for the
worst offense. Por fifteen ininutes the
door had been locked without a sound
coming from behind it—-not a whim-
per, not a suiffle. At last the stern but
anxious parent unlocked the closet
door and peered into the darkness. She
could see nothing,
“What are you doing in there?”
cried
Aud then a little voice piped from
the blackness:
*{ thpit on your new dress. and I
thpit on your new hat, and I'm wait-
ing for more thpit to come to thpit on
your aewy parasol!” — Philadelphia
Times.
she
He Made Good.
Lord Lansdowne once had a remark
able jwophecy made concerning him
while he was an Oxford graduate.
Jowett, hix tutor at Balliol, greatly ad-
mired him and always said that he
would do great thing~
“Phere woes a man.” remarked Jow-
ett, "who ix as certain to be foreign
secretary in due time in whichever
party te chooses fs (omorrow's sun
8 to vise.”
Of course at that time Lord Lans
downe had not the least idea of filling
such a distinguished post, and yet in
1000. after a brilliant political career.
he found himself at the bead of the
foreign office.— London M. A. P.
Her Lost Chance.
Mrs. B.—1 wonder why Miss Single
ton refused the curate when he pro
posed to her?”
Mrs. D.—Ail a mistake, wy dear, a
sad mistake; you know she has grown
a little deaf, and she did not suspect
he was at all “gone” on her. She ac-
tually thought he was asking her to
subscribe to the new organ fund, so
she told him she was sorry, but she
had promised all her money in another
direction.
Mrs. B.—Then what happened?”
Mrs. D.—The curate felt himself in.
sulted ard departed in dudgeon, and
she's lost the only chance she ever
had. London Telegraph.
Sense of Humor Declining.
“Do you think Americans have a
great sense of humor?”
“Well,” replied Senator Sorghum,
“I'm afraid it isn't what it used to be.
The folks out home are becoming so
faterested in economic issues that they
don't seem to care whether 1 tell them
any funny stories or not." —Washing-
ton Star.
Wrong Trail.
First Professor of Chemistry—What
are you working at now? Second Pro-
fessor—I'm trying to ascertain the
cause of baldness. First Professor—
Oh, stop it! You're wasting your time.
What you ought to be doing is trying
to ascertain the cause of hair growth.
~Chicago Record-Herald.
Ready Demonstration.
“Do you think you can make my
daughter happy?’ asked Miss Thirsty-
smith’s father gravely.
“Why. I have already. haven't I?"
replied Spooner. “I've asked her to
marry me."”—Smart Set.
His Lost Leg.
A mendicant approached a man on
the the other day and said. “Dear
gir, ¥ have lost my leg.” to which the
man replied, as he hurried away. “My
. dear friend. | am very sorry. but I
have not seen anything of it.”
1
| The Salen.
The French academy was originally
a junction of the drawing rooms of the
Marquise de Rambouillet and ber
! daughter. Julie d’Angennes, Duchesse
| le Montausier. The salon as a neet-
| ing place for conversation and the pro-
| auetion of beaux esprits and writers
hardly existed before these ladies
| apened that of the Hotel de Ramboull-
{ Jet. Prior to this social event women
! of tiptop quality and rich bourgeoises
received their company in their bed-
rooms. There was nothing answering
| to the English parlor or the Italian
| ball of conversation. The bed. as in
i the sleeping room of Louis XIV. was
surrounded by a balustrade, outside of
{ which gentlemen who had dropped in
to visit remained standing. It would
! have been shockingly unmannerly of
| them to step over the barrier. The
{lady of the house. dressed in her best
Aixbabille, sat on the edge of the bed.
Ladies calling went within the balus-
trade nnd sat on folding stools, or has-
socks, according to rank and age.
‘ Mme. de Lafayette painted from life
in describing in “La P'rigeesse de
| Cleves” a conversation on love, in
which the dauphiness took the lead,
! reclining on her bed. —London Truth.
ene ——
Guilty Anyway.
The most striking instance of a van-
ished man coming again to light to
take part in legal proceedings is that
which occurred in a ease where Dan-
iel O'Connell was defending a man in-
dicted for murder. The case for the
| prosecution scemed as clear as pos-
| sible. and O'Connell contented himself
with fewer questions than were to
have been expected of so eminent a
cross examiner. When the case for the
‘crown had closed he announced that
he had but one witness to call, but
that witness was important to the
case. He was the murdered man, very
much alive. There was no doubting
the man’s identity —everybody knew
it. The judge therefore turned to the
jury and directed them to acquit the
prisoner. To his amazement, however,
they returned a verdict of guilty.
Asked for an explanation, the foreman
nbserved that they had no doubt that
the prisoner was innocent of the mur-
der. “But.” he added. “we find him
iuilty of sthealing my ould gray mare
three weeks age. »
Who He Was.
The *cub” reporter ix the greenest
reporter on the stafl of a newspaper.
When anything particularly stupid
happens on the paper he is the one
first to be accused, and he is usually
rightly accused. The only salvation
for him is to improve, which he does
in nine cases out of n dozen. The Bos-
ton Journal told recently of an amus-
Ing “break” of a wholly innocent na-
ture which a certain cub made.
The reporter had been sent to a sub-
urb to report a sermon. He arrived
late, near the close of the service and
took a seat near the door.
last hymn was over he asked his neigh-
bor, an elderly gentleman:
| by order of Count Schlick from the sil-
| ver of Joachimsthal, in Bohemia, and
| Thus the name means etymologically
| “of the valley."—London Chronicle.
When the |
“What was the text of the sermon?’
“*Who art thou?"
parishioner.
“Boston reporter,” replied the other.
The man smiled. Subsequently he
told the preacher. who next Sunday
told the congregation--at the cub’s ex-
pense.
answered the
Jewelry Store Romances.
A wedding ring whose scratched and
dulled surface bespoke years of hard
service at washtub and dishpan lay
on the jeweler's work table.
“Why has it been laid up for re-
pairs?’ a visitor asked. “Has marriage
proved a failure?’
“On the contrary, it has turned out
a great success, and the ring has been
brought back to bear witness,” said
the jeweler. “Sec this new inscrip-
tion, ‘Ten years of fidelity and love.
‘That sounds pretty good, doesn't it?
No failure there. Five or ten years
from now, if they are both alive, some-
body will probably add another post-
script, and so en at regular intervals
to the end of the chapter. Jewelers
meet more of these little romances
than the unsentimental person would
dream of.”—New York Sun.
No Right to Live.
Begzar—Won't you give me some
money. professor? My money is all
gone, and 1 can't live.
Professor—Iow old are you?
Beggar—Forty years, sir.
Professor—Forty years! Don't you
| know that according to the latest mor-
| tality tables the average age of the
male population of Europe reaches
only thirty-four years and five months?
Statistically you have no right to live
any longer anywsy!—Meggendorfer
Blatter.
Two Faults.
“You hunt too much.” said Louis
XV. to the archbishop of Narbonne.
“How can you prohibit your curates
from hunting if you pass your life in
setting them such an example?”
“Sire.” said Dillon, “for my curates
the chase is a fault; for myself it is
the fault of my ancestors.”
Politeness.
Politeness is a sort of guard which
covers the rough edges of our character
and prevents them from wounding oth-
ers. We should never throw it off
even in our conflicts with coarse peo-
pl.
Capacity Diminishing.
Mrs. Guzzler— Aren't you axhamed to
come home in this condition Mr.
Guzzler- Mortitied to death. my dear.
1 find my capacity isn't what it used
to be.—Philndeiphin Record.
Mirth Is too often but melancholy m
disguise. — Leigh Hunt.
The Scandinavian Eddas the Most Re-
cent of the Seven.
The world has seven Bibles. They
are the Koran of the Mobammedans,
the Eddas of the Scandinavians, the
Tripitaka of the Buddhists, the Five
Kings of the Chinese, the Three Vedas
of the Hindus. the Zendavesta and
the Scriptures of the Christians.
The Koran Is not older than the sev-
enth century of our era. It is a com-
pound of quotations from the Old and
New Testaments, the Talmud and the
gospel of St. Barnabas. The Eddas of
the Scandinavians were published in
the eleventh century and are the most
recent of these seven Bibles. The Bud-
dhists’ Tripitaka contain sublime mor-
als and pure inspirations. Their au-
thor lived and died in the seventh cen-
tury before Christ.
The sacred writings of the Chinese
are called the Five Kings, “king”
meaning web of cloth or the warp that
keeps the threads in their places. They
contain the choicest sayings of the
best ages on the ethicopolitical duties
of life. These sayings cannot be traced |
to a period higher than the eleventh
century B. C. The Three Vedas are |
the most ancient books of the Hindus, |
and it is the opinion of great scholars |
that they are older than the eleventh '
century B. C. {
The Zendavesta of the Persians is
the grandest of all the sacred books |
next to the Bible. Zoroaster, whose |
sayings it contains, was born in the
twelfth century B. C.—New York Her-
ald.
History In Toys.
The history of the world is crystal- |
lized in the children’s toys. Each great |
war leaves soldiers in the nursery cup-
board dressed correctly to a strap and |
button. This has always been so. As
each successive ange in the world's his- |
tory has gene by the weapons of that |
age have passed to the hands of the !
boys as toys. There are In our great |
museums miniature crossbows, spears | |
and shields. Toy armor as finely In- |
laid and engraved as any reul accou-
terments Is occasionally to be Seon |
and old prints show the boys playing '
with such fizures. Even the children |
of the French revolution had their toy |
guillotines.—Collier's,
The Dollar.
There was a time when dollars were
minted in Englund. In March, 1797,
the mint issued stamped Spanish dol-
lars worth 4s. 9d.. but they were called
in seven months later. It was from
the Spanish coin that America got the
idea of her almighty dollar. but the
name was made in Germany. At least
“thaler.” of which “dollar” is a corrup-
tion, was. The original thaler was the
silver guldengroschen, coined in 1518
known at first as the “Joachimsthaler.”
The artificial has Fosuntly been
manufactured.
one, consists pri in the as
of tiny Capa, ike the orc of
i oe ra
y removed
weak alcoholic solution. promeed yogi
a with water, but hardens |
on drying, just st like its prototype; it is
eminently for filtering water for
sanitary or industrial uses, and it can be
employed for all the purposes that are
usually assigned to the genuine article.
i
i
:
i
great many women—thousands in-
#0 ot have been cured by Dr. Pierce's
treatment, have been given up by local
physicians after years of suffering on the
part of the women and experiment on the
part of the local doctor. In Dr. Pierce's
sans
The Royal represents economy in more ways than one.
keep in order, because it stays in order—doesn’t waste time in breaking down
on a busy day.
easier to operate, and capable of unlimited speed.
lasts longer, because it is simpler, has fewer working parts, and they are made
of better materials.
A Royal in Your Office will
Soon Save its Own Cost.
Price, $65.00
The right price to pay for a high-grade writing
Machine
ROYAL TYPEWRITER CO
Royal Typewriter Bldg., New York
BRANCH OFFICE
55-47-9t
| treatment experience takes
EE the delicate womanly organs
more than half a million women in a prac
tice of over thirty years. Sick wome:
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correspondence
takes the
There is no form
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which can be new to him, and the use of | ter, free of charge. All
an | Favorite Prescription”
re- | by his professional advice and fatherly
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IS S——
ROYAL TYPEWRITERS.
Rood's Sa: saparitta.
Peculiar to Itself.
a combination, proportion and process, Hood's Sarsaparilla is therefore Peculiar to Itself
It is made f nd Sues. + bioad rif al and gredi
rom purifyini ternative and ton
and methods as to retain the fonfen I value of Oui age a by such original
‘The severest forms of scrofula, salt rheum, catarrh, rheumatism, dyspepsia, and debility are
cured every day by
HOOD'S SARSAPARILLA
Fo peek of FLEECE, M1 1m weg ow
wi of who prefer medicine in tablet -
up Hood's Sarsaparifia in chocolate-coated tablets as well as in the usual liquid form.
ucing Hood's rilla to a solid extract, we have retained in the tablets t!
a a yredient except the loghol, Sold by riots he ent by
of
oT HOOD Co.. Lowell, Mass
It turns out more work, because it is easier to understand,
Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa.
EE Ce El
Al AB SM AB AM AM Bir OM AM. A. A A. AA. AM. AM
Whether you use one machine
your typewriter equip-
item of EXPENSE.
or fifty,
ment is an
Reduce the expense, and you
increase your PROFITS.
It costs less to
It does Better work, and
VY PWT OY UY UY UY YY WY YY YY YY vv WY WY wv vv “ew
THE MALLORY STUDIO, Representative at Bellefonte, Pa
N—— eee eee
Shoes.
Worth
Bringing
It can't
Health:
The family doctor
feet. Keep the feet
them get wet.
lowed to go out in
when walking is wet,
REMEMBER, Yeage
cheaper than the othe
oo Balding,
Yeagers Shoe Store
Are Children
RUBBERS.
This is what appeared in a recent
number of the American Journal of
the mother's head all the time, that
the health of their children lies in the
No child should be al-
the best and the prices just a little
Yeager’s Shoe Store,
SELLEFONTE, FA
Up?
be done without
should din it into
dry. Never let
snow or rain, or
without Rubbers.
r's Rubbers are
r fellows.
{
|
|
|
sm———————__
Dry Goods.
=
LYON & CO.
On account of numerous
requests from a great many
patrons, we will continue
our Big
: Sale
Two WEEKS LONGER.
White
New Goods added every
day in all departments. The
finest line of new Dress Goods
in all the new Spring shades
with Trimmings to match.
Everything in washable fab-
rics in stripes and checks.
RUMMAGE TABLE.
Our Rummage Table has J
been very busy. We are put-
ting on new remnants, odds
and ends, every day.
LYON & COMPANY.
Allegheny St.
47 12 Bellefonte, Pa.
ima