— -
'
| Dunloe. Gertrude's mount was a great
t
“Democraii, Jatchywn lit with dismay. How on earth would
_ | she ever scale its slippery sides to the
a ee. out
Bellefonte, Pa., March 11, 1910.
KISSING THE BLARNEY STONE. |
It was on the top of Blarney castle, |
150 feet from the ground, that the af-
fair began. They say there are a thou- |
sand shades of green in Ireland, and |
Gertrude, reaching back to the irom |
bars of the blarney stone, grasping |
them in a vise of fear, thought when |
she looked down that all the shades
were mingled in one mazy mass. She
bent her head down. pursed her red
lips and pressed them to the cold un-
dersurface of the stone. Heavens!
‘What a depth down! Her head swam,
her beart beat madly, her hands began
to cramp. She was loosing her grasp,
she was falling. “Help!” Her stiffened
lips managed to frame the appeal, ang
almost instantly she was lifted by
strong arms and set squarely on her
feet.
Once erect, Gertrude was brave
enough and ashamed that she had lost
her courage at a critical moment. She
looked curiously at her preserver. He
was a fine muscular fellow. He must
have been, of course, or he could not
have lifted her 140 pounds of avoirdu-
pois so easily.
Nevertheless she raged inwardly that
she should have needed his help.
The idea of this cool, collected, rath-
er supercllious Englishman laughing
at her!
With an effort she collected herself
and looked her preserver in the eyes,
“It is a foolish thing to do,” the
young mar said as he touched his
hat. “You know, or perhaps you do
mot know, that several persons have
fallen from the top of Blarney castle
while endeavoring to kiss the blarney
stone. Of course you are an Ameri-
can. Only Americans kiss the blarney
stone.” And, with a smile of amuse-
ment, he again touched his hat and
turned away.
Gertrude was furious. What right
had he to be so impertinent even if
he had saved her life? He was an
odious Englishman, of course. She
turned her back te his retreating
form, but her sense of gratitude
would not zliow her to dismiss the
subject in that way, and she called to
him:
“Am I wot to know to whom 1 am
indebted for the saving of my life”
“You put it altogether too stron,”
he replied. coming back at ounce. *1
am pot so sure that yon would Lave
fallen.” Aud he handed her a hit of
pasteboard on which was engraved,
“Edward Harcourt, Hyde park, Lou-
don.”
“Just as [ thought, a conceited Eng-
lMshman; thinks no one but himself
knows anything.” Gertrude did not
speak her thought: but. smiling her
sweetest, she said:
“] am Gertrude Clinton, Mr. Har-
court, of New York. 1 certainly owe
you my life. I was foolish; but, as
you say. Americans do like to kiss the
blarney stone. 1 am very grateful to
you for your service.”
“Pray do not mention it, Miss Clin-
ton,” responded Harcourt rather stiff-
Ty. “1 feel sure you would not have
fallen. It was only a temporary dizzi-
mess, which you would have over-
come. However, 1 am glad you are
safe.” And. lifting his hat, he was
gone.
“He is odious,” muttered Gertrude,
“perfectly codions™ But she wished
{he had remained to go down the long
flights of «teep stone stairs with her.
It was growing dark. The stairs were
interminable. and there were many
dark nooks and crannies. She thought
of the tortured prisoners once confined
dn the dungeons and of all the dark
tales told of the castle, and before she
ihad reached the ground she had firmly
‘made up her mind that it was not so
"of the tail of his
pleasant, after all, to travel alone. Her
adventure on the top of the castle was :
certainly not a pleasant thing to look |
back upon. She might have been ly- |
ing a bruised, inert mass at the foot
of the castle if it had not been for the
young fellow who even as he res-
cued her bad looked at her so super- |
ciliously. i
“l hate him,” she thought, and she
stamped her little foot viciously. *1 |
hope I will never lay eyes on him |
again.” But when she entered the
steam tram for Cork she found the |
only other occupant of the tram was
the Englishman. He looked at her :
with a smile as she entered, but she
studiously avoided his glance, and |
after that he paid no attention to her. |
He was a handsome fellow, with |
broad shoulders and a strong, earnest
face. Gertrude could not help but
look at him, and before they reached
Cork she had wished more than once |
that he would talk to her. Apparently, |
however, nothing was further from his |
intentions, and when they reached
Cork he alighted without ever looking
at her.
A few days after Gertrude started |
out to make a tour of the Killarney
lakes. When at Ross castle she was
assisted into a boat for a fifteen mile
tour of the lakes. To her astonish-
ment and disgust she found that her
vis-a-vis was Harcourt. He acknowl-
edged her presence with a nod and
then, apparently forgetting she was
there, applied himself with diligence
to looking at the wild and mountain-
ous scenery along the shores of the
celebrated lakes. Very soon the
treacherous Irish skies began to weep,
and it was a bedraggled lot of passen-
gers that disembarked preparatory to
the horseback trip through the Gap o’
3
rawboned animal, and
5
saddle. Harcourt, watching
eye, stepped forward
to assist her, bur she turned her back
on him, led her horse over to a fence
| and from that position of vantage
mounted. After that she lost sight of
the Englishman. In fact, it would
have been difficult for her to keep
anything in sight, for she had all she
could do to remain ou her horse. The
beast stumbled and foundered in the
mud of the gap. and finally when the
shrill notes of a bugle split the air the
horse fignominiously slipped and fell.
throwing Gertrude prone into the mud,
But that was uot the worst of it, for
‘the horse In struggling to regain its
feet threatened to strike the fright.
ened girl with its hoofs. Once again
she felt herself set fairly on her feet,
and once again she saw her preserver
was the Englishman.
This time he laughed. “I see we are
fated to meet. Miss Clinton,” he said.
his eyes twinkling with merriment,
but Gertrude did not see the funny
side. and when her horse was righted
again she mounted it in silence and
disgust.
“I am going to lead this horse of
yours, Miss Clinton,” said Harcourt.
“I have noticed all the way that it is
not at all safe.” And. suiting the ac-
tion to the word, he took the bridle
with that of his own animal and
stalked on toward Kate Kearney's cot-
tage.
Humilinted and ashamed. the girl
watched him, admiring the set of his
broad shoulders and the poise of his
well shaped head, but she conld not
and would not accept his services,
“1 canuot allow you to walk In this
mud,” she said. “Please give we the
bridle. 1 really must insist that you
ride.”
“My deur Miss Clinton,” was the re-
ply, given somewhat with an air of
amusement which grated on Gertrude
sorely, “1 shall certainly see you safe-
ly through this gap, 1 am sorry if my
company disturbs you, 1 will not talk
to you, but 1 will lead your horse.”
And lead it he did until Kate Kear-
ney's cottage was reached,
But during the coach ride back to
Killarney village Gertrude was asham-
ed of her sulkiness. She and Har-
court sat side by side and became very
chummy before the ride was over.
Harcourt was cheerful and chatty, and
Gertrude made up her mind that he
was not so odious as she had first
thought him. He was communicative,
and she discovered that he was a man
of leisure, traveling about for pleasure.
He, in his turn, found that Gertrude
was making her first trip abroad and
was a teacher in a New York city
school. He had never cared much for
self supporting women. They had. in
fact, not been common in his experi
ence. He had always felt that they
must be #trong minded and obnoxious,
But how pretty this girl was! What
lovely brown eyes and hair and what
a graceful figure! Iarcourt, who
thought himself a connoisseur in wo-
men, acknowledged that he was pleas-
ed with Gertrude,
They saw each other often in the
next few weeks, for both were mak-
ing the same tour of Ireland. and
both: were to go through the lake
country of Scotland. They were soon
numbered with a good sized touring
party and were surrounded by a gay
coterie of friends, who admired tie]
stalwart young fellow and the lovely |
girl who wns so often by his side.
Their relations from being
grew to a warmth which ought to
have opened their eyes wide to the di-
rection in which they were traveling.
but both were blissfully unconscious,
taking the good the gods provided
without questioning.
Gertrude. however, was destined to
a rude awakening. One day when
they were making a tour of Melrose
abbey Harcourt: was enthusiastically
greeted by a party of friends, one of
whom was a tall black eyed girl, who
threw her arms about his neck, kissed
him and ealled him “Edward.”
With a sinking at her heart Gertrude
watched the young Englishman,
She noted how oblivious he was to
ber presence, and, with the impetuosity
which was so apt to characterize her
actions, she left the abbey. Going rap-
idly back to her hotel and finding that
‘ she could leave Meirose at once, she
packed her few belongings, made her
way to the station, and when Har-
court returned and called for her she
was gone. He was mystified enough.
What had happened? He could not
imagine. He had not knowingly hurt
her in any way. How lonely it was
without her! How he missed her
bright, cheery ways, the sparkle of
her brown eyes, her girlish laughter!
“Can it be,” thought the young fel-
low, “that 1 am in love?”
Before the next day he felt there
could not be much doubt about it, for
he had never spent a more miserable
twenty-four hours. Then it was that
he determined to follow her and tell
her he loved Ler with all the ardor of
a nature that had never frittered itself
away in the love of many women. He
traveled day after day. getting now
and then a clew of the girl, but he
never found her, and when he finally
reached London he was almost dis-
couraged. He could not remember the
steamer she was to take back to Amer-
ica nor the port from which she was
to sail, but he scanned passenger lists
and haunted steamboat offices with a
pertinacity that Iaid him open to criti-
cism by his friends, who one and all
declared the truth—that he was in
love,
Gertrude, for her part, was misera-
ble indeed. The thought of the black
eyed beauty who had kissed the Eng-
lishman and called him Edward was
torture, but the thought she had so
tamely surrendered herself to a love
which had been unasked and evidently
undesired was far greater torture. By .
friendly |
the time she had reached London she
was 2 very weary girl indeed. 2nd she
waited impatiently for the time when
she was to return to America. In a
sort of aimless way she did West
minster abbey and the galleries, and
during those days of waiting she took
a fancy to the omnibuses. which are
so great & feature of London life, Day
after day she rode on the tops of the
buses, looking at the sights of Lon-
don, listening to the sounds, but for
the most part thinking of the young
fellow who bad become so much to
her. She was impatient with herself.
but she felt a little sorry for herself
also, and when one begins to pity one- |
self one Is in bad condition,
One evening she felt so thoroughly
blue and discouraged that she did that
which she had never attempted be-
fore in the evening—took a bus ride.
She was just homesick enough and out
of soris enough to want to lose her
self for a time in London traffic. She
went out to Trafalgar square, sig-
naled a bux, wounted to its top amd
gave herseif up to the contempiation
of London streets in the evening from
the top of a motor bus, She rode an
hour or so until, flually arousing her-
self with au start, she saw that she
was approaching her starting point.
She started down the steep flight of
little stairs io the ground.
fore she reached the hottom step the
bus gave a lurch, and Gertrude was!
precipitated to the ground. It seemed
as if thousands of vehicles were ready
and waiting to puss over her body.
There was shouting amd oaths and
shrill screams from women, but in the
midst of it ail she felt herself lifted
by wo strong arms. set on her feet |
and hurried to a place of safety.
Trembling and shaken, she looked up
to her preserver. Of course it could
be none other than the Englishman.
There wus only one pair of strong
arms like that in the world.
“Three times and out, my darling.”
said Harcourt. “You are not to be
trusted alone ever any more. You are
my little love. my wife that is to he,
Never again will I trust you out of my
sight.”
“But the black eyed girl who called
you Edward and Kissed you!" sobbed
the thoroughly unnerved girl.
“Was that the reason? almost
shouted Harcourt. “You little goose,
you blessed little goose, it just hap-
pened to be my sister: that is all, |
will introduce you to her tomorrow."
Blissfully happy. yet with a little
common seuse mingled with her hap-
plness, Gertrude persuaded her lover
to curb hiz impatience for a hasty
marriage, but it was only a few short
weeks when over in America another
alliance was made between England
and America which made two hearts
beat as one.
Grim Scot Wit,
A Scottish minister had among his
parishioners a man who dealt in old
horses, alternating his spells of labor
with heavy sprees, During the pe-
riod of depression which followed each
overindulgence John habitually took to
bed and there diligently studied the
family Bible. During one of these fits
of attempted reformation his condition
prompted his wife to call iu the Rev.
Mr. Wallace, the parish minister. who
at the time happened to be passing.
“Ob, Maister Wallace, come in and
see our John; he's raie bad!”
“What's vrang wi’ him?”
“He's feart to meet his Makker,”
said Mrs, John,
Quick as fire came the crushing re-
ply:
“Humph! Theill'm he need na be
feart for that; he'll never see'm.”
The Taj Mahal. :
The Taj Mahal, at Agra, India, is
sald to be the most beautiful structure
in the world. It was built by Shah
Jehan as a tomb for his wife and is
of the purest white marble. It shines
so dazzilingly in the sun that you can
scarcely look at it except in the morn-
ing or evening. Every part is inlaid
with the most exquisite designs In
marble of different colors, the finish
being so perfect that the entire buiid-
ing may be said to resemble in the
delicacy of its workmanship one of
those Chinese caskets of ivory and
ebony which are now so common in
Europe and America. — New York
American.
Rapid Army Mobilization.
The finest example of rapid organ-
ization of an army was certainly the
mobilization of the German army in
dust be. him to get a suit of clothes, and his | In combination with yeflow, blue apd
Kid on her hands. She picked him up
on the stree: one evening. He was
fighting with a2 bigger boy and getting
the worst of it, though doing his best,
when Miss Denton rushed to the res-
cue, and the bigger boy fled. By that
act she made Jimmie her friend.
Jimmie was taken into the boarding
| house and the blood washed off his
‘face and his hair combed, and then he
was questioned. His name was Jim-
+ mie Skate--so named because he was
ian orphan skating around for a liv-
fing. no home. no relatives, the cop-
{ pers hounding him from morning until
{ night because he would not steal pea-
{nuts and divide with them. When
! his story was finished he had the girl
tin tears. At the end of another half
{ hour, by talking to Jimmie of bis dead
{ mother in heaven, Sunday school, the
| ways of goodness, and so on, she had
| him in tears. A parinership was
| formed. She was fo be » guardian
angel to Jimmie, and he was to mend
his ways, Five doliars was handed
| profits selling newspapers would rent
1 him 2 cheap room and buy his daily
| bread.
|
'
{
|
i
i
|
At frequent futervals he was | jg por of great value unless the color |
A Reluctant Candidate. :
During a local election in a German
town only ove man appeared at the
nomination desk.
“Whom do you nominate?” inquired
the official.
“Myxelf,” was the answer.
“Do you accept the nomination?
“Well, no."
The officer laughed and said:
“Then we must try again.
do you nominate?
“Myself.”
“You aceept the nomination”
“so.”
A subdued “Donverwetter!” escaped
the lips of the perplexed official, but |
he went on:
“For the third time, whom do yon !
nominate?” ;
“Myself,” came the invariable reply. |
“Do you snecept the nomination” |
The man rose ap, and a smile of xat- |
isfaction spread over his face asx he
answered proudly: i
“Having been three times solicited |
by my fellow citizens to accept the
nomination. | can no longer decline to |
accede to their wishes” He then re- |
tired. |
Whom
The Op:zl. i
In judging an opal color is of the
greatest lmportance. Red tive or red
green Is the best. Blue by itself
is quite valueless, aud the green opal
The Pip and the Slip.
Too much mince pie had done the
trick.
Little Mamie got a pain in her sash
and had tu go to bed.
The family physician and his top
hat called and prescribed a pill. Mai-
mie's mother sald very well, but the
family physician did not know Maimie,
and she wax quite sure Malmie would
not take the pill. The family physi-
cian said he would make it a sweet
pill. but Maimie’s wother replied that
s0 long as it was a pill it would be
no use.
Then the family physician was
struck with a brilliant idea. The pill
should be eraftily concealed in the
center of a preserved pear and sent
up to little Malmie to eat.
An hour later Maimic's mother went
to see how her sweetest dear was
going on. She appeared to be going
i on excellently.
“And did my pet eat all her pear?”
inquired the fond mother.
“Yes. mumsie.” replied the little dar-
ling. “all but the nasty seed.”
There's many a slip ‘twixt the pear
and the pip. - London Answers,
Bituminous Coal.
The orst bituminous coal mined in
the United States, states the United
States geological survey, was taken
from what is usualiy termed the Rich-
mond basin, a small area in the south-
eastern portion of Virginia. near the
{ to call on Miss Denton and report and | jg very vivid and ithe pattern very
i receive further advice and encourage- ' good, The color must he true—ibat is
cment. He was not to swear, fight, 14 way, it wmst not run in streaks or
(smoke or do aught else to militate | purehes, alternating with a colorless
against the career mapped out for him. | op juferior quality Pattern ix an im-
[Two evenings lster Jhumie called, portant factor. ihe several varieties
wearing his new suit, He had had being Known ax “pin fire” when the
, hig hair cut also. He quite looked the | ypgiy jx very smmll, “kEarleauin®™ when
‘orphan whose motto was excelsior. | the color ix in sunt spietres “he gore
‘Thank you. he didn’t need any more | regular the better, und the “tash tive,”
cmoney: he was getting along famous- | or “flash opal.” when the color shows
iy, As he aid this be winked in an ian I single Hash or in very large pat-
expressive way at Miss Denton. She | (apy, Fariequin ix the mest common
didn’t understand it, and she didn't | 304 is also popularly considered the
quite like it. but she didn’t want to | moet beautiful. When the squares of
push a poor orphan to the wall all at
conce. Two hours were spent in trying tinet minute checks of red. yellow,
to teach the boy the first four letters | pine and green it is considered ma .-
‘of the alphabet, and then he took his ' ,ificent. Some stones show better on
color are regular and show as dis.
(departure. Later on the girl found the | agge than on top.—Exchunge.
; sum of $13.50 on the stand. She knew |
| It was not her money, and she racked
{her brains In vain tg solve the prob-
lem. Next morning the landlady soiv-
‘ed it In a moment. She said it was
money sent by Providence to one who
had been good to an orphan.
Two or three evenings later Jimmie
(called again. The collar had been rip-
. ped off the new coat, and he was about
to be charged with fighting when he
| explained that he had jumped off a
i ferryboat to save a would be suicide
{and the would be had torn the collar
‘from its fastenings, He was kissed
instead of scolded, and he felt so good
fover it that he went right at it and
learned to distinguish the letter “U”
| from the letter “0.” His daily profits
allowed him lobster salad once a day.
and he was feeling that he had some-
thing to live for. He winked the same
wink as before. It would have heen
(understood by a man to mean that the
pair understood each other, but the
girl failed to make it out and was a
bit piqued. An hour after Jimmie's
departure she found a new silver purse
with $4 in it under a chair. Here was
‘a new mystery for the landlady to
solve, She was equal to the emergen-
jey, however. It was explained that
{when Providence began rewarding a
| reformer it kept it right up and that
| she would not be at all surprised to
{see a horse and buggy driven into the
| house some evening.
Jimmie never missed two calls per
| week and sometimes wade three. He
was eager to make mental progress,
and at some stage in the proceedings
he always indulged in that expressive
wink. One evening he was taken to
task for it, but instead of being cast
!down he winked again and muttered
: something about “pards.” Sooner or
later after he left Miss Denton made
a find of money or jewelry. One aft-
ernoon a messenger left a vainable
muff at the house for her. Again it
was a new jacket. If she hadn't heen
a reformer and if the landlady hadn't
been a believer in Providence the key
of the mystery might have been soon-
er grasped. As it was it seemed un-
fathomable.
Two months had passed and Jimmie
, had come =o near the governorship
| that he had learned the alphabet down
i to “G” when Providence let go of the
{case and a detective took it up. The
| boy called one evening and handed
i
Kept Them Dancing.
A Washington official. speaking of
blunders in the diplomatic service, told
of a mistake committed by an Amer-
fean in Afghanistan. He said:
“This American entertained the
shahzada for three days, giving him
a very handsome suit of rooms in his
house. ‘I'he morning of the shahza-
da’s arrival the American host visited
him in his apartment and was amazed
to see the royal guest and his entire
staff hopping about the floor in the
oddest way. They conversed politely
and gravely: but, iustead of walking,
they hopped, taking great leaps of
eight or nine feet. The host ventured
to ask the reason of this hopping.
The shahzada politely replied: i
* ‘You see, this carpet is green, with
pink roses here and there. Green is
a sacred color with us, so we are |
city of Richmond. This basin is situ-
ated 01 the custern margin of the
Pledmont plateau, thirteen miles above
tidewater, on the Jawes river, It lies
fn Goochland, Henrico, Powhatan and
Chesterfield counties. The coal beds
are much distorted, and the coal is of
rather low grade when compared with
that from other districts with which
it has to came into competition. The
occurrence of coal was known in the
| Richmond basin as early as 1700, and
in 1789 shipments were made to some
of the northern states. At present
| what little coal Is produced in this
field is for local consumption only.—
| Scientific American.
Movement of Icebergs.
In the mvestigation of the currents
round the coast of Newfoundland it
has been observed that there is at
times a wide difference in the direction
of the drift of icebergs and that of the
flat or pan ice, which, having no great
depth, is governed in its motions by
the surface currents and the winds,
whereas the icebergs, the larger parts
of which are submerged to a great
depth, follow only the movement of
the ocean water as a whole and are
uninfluenced hy the winds. In conse-
quence a huge berg may often be
seen majestically maintaining its slow
advance in opposition to the wind and
across the general motion of the fields
of flat ice surrounding it. The sealers
often take advantage of this fact by
mooring their vessels to an iceberg
in order to prevent a «rift to leeward.
—Philadelphin Record.
Hunting the Kangaroo.
1870. On July 17 in that year the fa- out a diamond bracelet which he said
mous telegram, the shortest and most | he had reeecived for stopping a runa-
momentous ever dispatched, “Krieg. way trolley car and saving the lives
Mobil,” went forth from the headquar- | of forty people. THe was praised for
ters at Berlin, and within a fortnight his gallantry and a promise made to
an army of 500.000 men, fully uni- | keep the jewel safe for him, and just
formed, equipped and provided with | then the detective entered and took
commissariat, was on its way to the | Mm by the neck. This was practical-
French frontier. Of course it must be | \¥- Te took Miss Denton by the neck
remembere: that all these men haq theoretically. When the landlady
been previously warned and that all | came in and talked about the ways of
bad been trough their period of mili- | Providence she was also invited to go
| obliged to hop from rose to rose. It is
good exercise, but rather fatiguing, I
! confess.’ ”
A Lively Office.
In his recollections in Blackwood's
Magazine Sir Robert Anderson tells
an amusing story of the days when he
was employed at the home office. On
his arrival one morning at the office
he found a note from Sir James Ker-
gusson's private secretary—his ioti-
mates called him “Creeper”—announc-
ing that at 3 o'clock precisely an old
hat, lately the property of the chief
clerk, would be kicked off from the end
of the corridor and requesting the fa-
vor of Sir Robert's presence. When Big
Ben struck 3. Sir Robert heard Creep-
er's cheery voice ring out. “All on
side; play!" They all turned out and
the game began. On emerging from
an unusually hot scrimmage Sir Rob-
ert became conscious of the presence
of a stranger at his side, a timid little
Frenchman. who meekly inquired. “1s
ziss ze office for ze naturalization?”
Sir Robert adds, “It was!"
Why He Cried.
your little brother ill
Johnnie? 1 heard him crying in the
most heartrending manner.”
“No; not exactly.” Johnnie explained,
“but Willie pulled down a jug of mo-
mother has been trying to comb his |
hair.””— Exchange. i
i
Livingstone. i
Of Dr. Livingstone it was said by
Stanley that the missionary lived for
years among the most cruel and ig-
norant savages in the world. but he
never fired a shot in anger, never
“clubbed or clouted or banned or blast.
ed.” His manner was that of a “cool,
wise old man who felt offended and
looked grave.”
The sympathetic neighbor asked: “Is
this morning,
lasses on himself In the pantry, and
© When brought to bay the kangaroo
| jumps like a tash for the hunter's
| chest and tries 10 crush it in with his
| fore feet. To prevent this each man
wears across his breast a two or three
! inch thick matting Armed with a
| spear, with a club atiachment at the
i other end, they ride upon swift horses
| into a herd. With the agility and equi-
| poise of circus riders they stand erect
{ upon their horses and use their spears
| and clubs,
| The kangaroo is able to jump clear
‘over a horse. As the game is bagged
| it is skinned, and the skin is stretched
{ on the ground and pegged down to pre-
| vent shrinkage. The flesh furnishes
! meat for the camp. Each man places
‘
| his private mark upon his booty, and
when they have 100 apiece they return
| back to civilization.
i Why He Searched.
| The old man had evidently dropped
| something iu the muddy road, and he
| began searching for it. In three min-
i utes about thirty strangers had joined
| in the search, and eyery additional
. minute brought additional searchers,
. till at last one, bolder than the rest,
plucked up heart and spoke:
“What are you looking for?’ he in-
quired.
“My friend,” mumbled the old man,
- “I have dropped a piece of taffy can-
i dy."
! “But, great Scott,” cried another of
the crowd angrily, “why do you go
looking for it when it will be covered
with dirt?”
“Because, my inquisitive friend,” re-
' plied the old man, “my false teeth are
sticking to that taffy.”
Strange Hiding Place.
False teeth are occasionally used for
secretive purposes. An eccentric old
lady boasts of a roof plate which con-
sists of two thin sheets of gold be-
tween which a miniature copy of her
will is inserted. In a similar manner
a {along to the station house.
tary saining, Loudon AnSers, {All the plunder had been preserved.
| Miss Denton and the landlady had to
get a lawyer and do a great deal of
weeping besides to get out of it, but
Jimmie did no weeping. He just
winked. He continued to wink until
the two women took the stand against
him, and he was sentenced to the re-
form schoo!, and then he ceased to
wink and said in a voice of reproach
There Is No Right.
“What is the right thing to do when
your wife asks you for money and you
haven't got it?"
“Under those circumstances any-
thing you do will be wrong.”—New
York Herald.
Short Stories.
She—Sbort stories seem quite the
thing just now. He—1 should say so.’
Nearly every fellow 1 meet stops and
falls me Yow ahort be iz.-Buston Tag:
pt.
The Chatterbox.
“Miss Chatter is a sort of talking
machine, isn’t she?”
“No, not a perfect machine. She
Juskath ‘exhiaus "—Baltimore Amer
A good man does good merely by
living.—Bulwer.
youse understood dat I
do all de stealin’ and make a.
divvy. What youse tink I was
doin’ all dat winkin’ fur?’
Narrow Cscape.
She—Of course he bored me awfully,
but I don’t think 1 showed it. Every
time I yawned | just hid it with my
hand. He (trying to be gallant)—Real-
ly I don't see how a hand so small
could—er—hide — er — that Is — beastly
| weather we're having, isn't it?—Phila-
_| delphia Press.
© ————
Circumstances Reversed.
Unkempt Smith—Mister. would youse
kindly help a poor man as is all in,
down and out?. Jocular Citizen—Why,
certainly. Just climb the fire escape
on that skyscraper across the street
and walk in on the top floor. Then
you will be all out, up and in.—~Judge's
Library.
It's Good Point.
“But,” asked the long haired young
man, “is there nothing at all about
poetry that you like?"
“Yes,” replied Crabbe. “Whenever I
see a poem it makes me feel good to
realize that there's no law to compel
me to read it." —Catholic Standard and
Times.
that of early convictions.—Maurice
Thompson.
No grip is so hard to shake off as
a dyer preserves a prescription which
he declares he would not disclose for
a large sum.—-London Mail
Envious.
“Just think of it!" said the student
of immigration. “Many men who
come to this country cannot write their
own names."
“Yes,” answered Mr. Pinchpenny,
“and when 1 get down my check book
on the first of the month 1 am inclined
to envy them.”—Washington Star.
Fixing the Break.
“They were both broken up by their
separation.”
“But 1 understand they've effected a
reconciliation and are now repaired.”
—8t. Louis Star.
There is no teacher like necessity; it
bas been the making of man; it wakes
up his dormant facuities and stimu-
i lates to action his latent talents.