Dense Stupidity and Amusing Blunders
of the Natives. ee
pany with my dead birds and duck
gun
DemorTaiC ATL, |. crores mi con ve
my grunting and grumbling friend,
GRANDPA’S BEAR.
“Grandpa Coionel, tell us a story.”
“Well, well! Suppose I tell you
about a bear.
“Sixty or more years ago, in the days
when California was only poor, faroff
Mexican California and nothing more
and 1 was a very young officer in Un-
cle Sam's little army, | once found my-
self stationed at a certain inland town,
if a collection of adobe or mud huts
deserved the name, situated about six.
ty miles distant from the then scarce.
ly larger village of Yerba Buena, the
now mighty city of San Francisco.
“We were doing garrison duty, a sin-
gle company under old Captain Jack
B.. an easy going commander, who
gave us little to do and plenty of time
to do it in. :
“So, as the hours hung somewhat
heavily upon our hands, Captain Jack
and I-—-the only officers at the post—
took to hunting and shooting, with
now and then a little fishing by way
of change to vary the monotony of our
soldier life. Countless flocks of wild
geese, brant and lesser waterfowl
came by thousands to banquet upon
the wild oat fields and make their
reedy homes among the wide marshes
which separate the firmer land about
Sonoma from the spreading bays that
terminate in the Golden Gate.
“We had goose for dinner, brant for
breakfast and cold duck for supper
and lunch till old Jack declared his
belief that he should quack If we ate
any more such fare.
“One morning I had been very suc-
cessful at duck shooting, and when
1 tired of the sport 1 proceeded to
shoulder my piece and secure my
game for the homeward tramp of three
or four miles.
“As 1 lost sight of the shooting
grounds and began to enter the live
oak groves scattered here and there
along the higher ridges bordering the
marshy edges of the bay I found my-
self suddenly enveloped in one of
those dense mists which sweep up at
certain seasons from the sea, like the
ocean vapors of a Newport summer
afternoon.
“As I had no special path and was
traveling only by familiar landmarks,
now rendered indistinet by the hoary
haze, I was obliged to move more slow-
ly and soon felt satisfied that 1 had
missed my way,
“Reaching at length a space open
upon three sides, the fourth being thin-
ly wooded, but without a particle of
undergrowth, I paused for a moment
te survey, so far as my limited horizon
would permit, a tract of country which
was new to me. Moreover, I hoped to
hear the sound of running water,
which, as 1 knew the general direction
of the streams, would serve to guide
me in taking what sailors call a fresh
departure,
“While listening intently 1 heard
from the wooded side of wy narrow,
visible world a sort of pounding, as
if some man with large boots and no
corns had found his feet unpleasantly
cold and was endeavoring to warm
them by stamping in a manner which
betokened an utter disregard for shoe
leather,
“Then came a wheeze like that of a
gruff giant troubled with the asthma
and finally a mixed compound of
crunching and mumbling, as if a huge
hog were eating hard corn. My atten-
tion now being thoroughly aroused by
80 remarkable a combination of sounds,
I peered into the gloom until 1 fancied
I could perceive the vague. misty form
of some creature stirring up the fog
within twenty feet of the spot on
which I had halted.
“IL is—no, it can’t be—yes, but it is
a grizzly! Don’t I wish 1 was at home!
“That's what I thought. You see, 1
hadn't come bear hunting. 1 was duck
shooting and had no conveniences for
carrying home a bear even if I should
kill one, and the more I looked at Mr.
Grizzly the better satisfied I was that
he had every convenience for killing
and carrying me.
“All I bad ever heard or read of his
ugly, hateful ways seemed to rush into
my mind.
“If I had been examined on this sub-
Ject in natural history just then 1
should have gone up to the head of
my class immediately.
“We stood looking at each other. It
‘was evidently a surprise on both sides.
1 stared very hard at the bear with
‘Wide open eyes, while the bear stared
‘very hard at me with wide open mouth,
“I think the bear got over his aston-
ishment first, and, what is worst, 1
could see he wasn't at all alarmed. He
stopped cating, gave a snift and a sort
of interrogatory ‘Who are you? grunt
and then took a step toward me
“As 1 am of a retiring disposition
and have never been willing to in-
“trude myself into company where 14
have not been invited, I felt some deli-
cacy In continuing to be a witness of
his repast and was accordingly with-
drawing in as unostentatious a way as
‘good manners would permit, when fit
seemed to occur to bruin that he owed
«2 to good fellowship to cultivate my
acquaintance,
“Declining that honor, [ dropped
Into a backward walk, keeping my
‘face, after the manner of royal presen-
tations, toward this monarch of the
‘western wilds, when, to my horror, he
favored me with a grin—such a grin!—
and it was followed by a snap and a
growl.
“As he quickened his steps toward
me I unconsciously hastened my own,
when, taking a long stride backward,
§ found myself suddenly prostrate in
a sort of dry ditch or slough, where 1
iay for a moment half stunned in com-
doubtless not a little astonished at this
sudden disappearance, go tramping up
and down in the vain attempt to nose
me out in the fog.
“I had now time to think and. as a
merchant might say, ‘take stock’ of
my position and prospects. On the one
side I was chased by a bear—a hungry
bear, a cross bear, a bear disturbed at
his breakfast of sweet acorns 1 had
lost my way. 1 had only rf ducking
gun, which, however form dable to
wild geese, wax a mere plaything
when brought to bear upon the thick,
tough hide of an acorn fattened griz-
zly. whose gross weight might be
somewhere in the neighborhood of 900
pounds, As for my hunting knife, 1
land eft it at home. What wonder if,
as an Irishman might say, 1 wished
that 1 had left myself there before 1
started?
“Against all this I had the counsola-
tory assurance that the grizzly bear
never climbs, which, as the trees were
all on the side of the bear, did not add
much to my sense of security. But
my principal hope lay in the fact that
I was just then hidden by the gully,
the depth of which varied from eight
to twelve feet, with precipitous sides
and a dry bed, which probably led
down to some neighboring stream of
water.
* ‘Now. thought I, ‘1 have only to
crawl along this ditch, reach the
stream, cross jit and bid goodby to
grizzly.)
“1 had just picked myself up and
was proceeding to carry out my plan
of escape when 1 heard a crackling
and breaking of the underbrush which
fringed the ditch and by which 1 was
partly screened from view. This was
speedily followed by an angry growl
us the treacherous earth gave way and
let Mr. Bear with no gentle tumble
directly down into the very gully into
which I had fallen.
“Fortunately for me, bruin had not
only a greater fall, but tumbled into
the ditch at a point somewhat distant
from my hiding place, and the little
ferret eyes did not at once perceive
me. An unlucky stumble, however,
which 1 owed to a twisted root, be-
trayed me, and he turned and gave |
chase,
“They have a very expressive phrase
in Californian when a person is desired
to leave suddenly. It consists of but
two words, ‘You git!" My dears,
when that bear tumbled into my gully
‘I got,’ and when he took up the chase
I continued ‘to git’ in a style which
astonished even myself.
“When I first saw him fall I certain-
Iy hoped that he had broken his nose
at least or even dislocated his great
ugly neck, but that hope vanished in
a moment.
“He was evidently not a whit the
worse for his somersault.
“It was no longer a matter of cere-
mony. I sped over the ground like a
huuted deer, while wy stout friend
came lumbering and putling on behind,
like a portly old gentleman who fears
he may be too late for the evening
train. I was expecting every moment
to feel the blow of his heavy paw,
when, turning an angle of the gully, 1
perceived, with no little dismay, that
the ditch tn front of me was blocked
by an immense fallen tree. The small-
er end of the broken trunk, being to-
ward me, showed an opening wide
enough to adinit my then somewhat
more than usually slender form.
“There was little time for hesitation.
I could hear the bear's heavy tramp
behind me. A moment more and 1
had plunged into the opening and drew
my gun after me, just as my fat friend
rounded the turn of the slough in hot
pursuit. Running blindly on, he en-
deavored to force himself after me,
giving the log a shock which made me
tremble for the security of my new
tenement,
“One or two furious plunges tended
to convince him that I could enter
where his huge frame could not, for he
seemed to reflect and finally intro-
duced a paw, from whose farreaching
grab 1 retired into the inner recesses
of my chamber,
“Finding that his attempts in this
way were equally futile, I began to
feel a little more at ease, and when
bruin again poked in his great paw in
an inquiring sort of way I managed to
push a dead duck out to him with the
butt of my gun by way of a peace of.
fering. I was willing just then to have
peace at any price short of surrender.
“But Sir Bear had no thought of
such a compromise. He tore away and
made the feathers fly with his crue!
teeth and claws in a style which gave
me a pretty lively notion of what I
might expect were I to trust myself
within their grasp.
“1 had begun to think seriously of
giving my pursuer the benefit of u
charge of duck shot in the hope of
putting out one or both of his ugly
little eyes and making him give up the
hunt when, my eyes becoming accus-
tomed to the darkness, I discovered a
faint indication of light behind me. I
crawled toward it and dropped out
backward. .
“The creek was below me, and I
dropped into it in a moment and push-
«}, apparently unheard, to the opposite
bank, whence prudence, coupled with
some doubts as to the possibility of
discharging a wet gun, induced me to
leave Ursa Major to his log boring
while I made tha best of my way back
to camp.”
The Text.
The winister had preached on the
text, “Why halt ye between two opin-
lons?' and upon little Cora’s return
home from church her
asked what the text was.
“1 don’t remember exactly,” answer-
ed Cora, “but it was something about
a hawk between two pigeons.”—Chica-
80 News. . 4
in the “Autobiography of Sir Henry
M. Stanley” the author says of the
colored natives of central Africa:
“Good as the majority of Zanzibaris ,
were, some of them were lndescriba-
bly and for me most unfortunately
dense. One man who from his personal
appearance might bave been judged
to be amoug the most intelligent was
after thirty months’ experience with
his musket unable to understand how
it was to be loaded. He never could
remeber whether he ought to drop
the powder or the bullet into the mus-
ket first. Another time he was sent
with a man to transport a company of
men over a river to camp. After wait-
ing an hour 1 strode to the bank of
the river and found them paddling in
opposite directions, each blaming the
other for his stupidity and, being in a
passion of excitement, unable to hear
the advice of men across the river,
who were bawling out to them how to
manage their canoe,
“Another man was so ludicrously
stupid that be generally was saved
from punishment because his mistakes
were so absurd. We were one day
floating down the Kongo, and, it being
near camping time, 1 bade him, as he |
happened to be bowman on the ocea-
sion, to stand by and seize the grass
on the bank to arrest the boat when 1
should call out. In a little while we
came to a fit place, and 1 cried, ‘Hold
hard, Kirango! ‘Please God, master,’
he replied and forthwith sprang on
the shore and seized the grass with
both hands, while we, of course, were
rapidly swept down river, leaving him
alone and solitary on the bank. The
boat's crew roared at the ridiculous
sight, but nevertheless his stupidity
cost the tired men a hard pull to as-
cend again, for not every place was
available for a camp.
“He it was also who on an occasion
when we required the branch of a spe-
cies of arbutus which overhung the
river to be cut away to allow the ca-
noes to be brought nearer to the hank
for safety actually went astride of the
branch and chopped away until he fell
into the water with the branch and
lost our ax. He had seated himself on
the outer end of the branch.”
A Bunch of Kicks.
“I'm in hard luck!” sighed the steel
rail,
“Look at me! | get nothing from
morning till night but hot air,” groan-
ed the pumping engine,
“I'm always In hot water,” sighed
the boiler.
“Consider my plight,” cried the mac-
adam road, “invariably walked over
and trodden under foot.”
“I'm used to it, for I'm always up
against it,” philosophically remarked
the wall paper.
“You're none of you as badly off as
I am,” said the furnace, “for, no mat-
ter where I go, I'm generally fired.”"—
Baltimore American.
CLASTER’'S UNDERSELLING STORE
READ, REALIZE AND PROFIT BY OUR GIGANTIC SALE.
Hundreds of people have taken advantage of
cut prices on Kline's stock of Shoes. Why don’
our extremely
you? of pairs to choose from in all kinds of leather for Men, Women and Children; prices have reach-
ed the lowest limit in the history of shoe selli You had better come early as these prices are for a limited time
uctions in our Furnishi and
Men’s Shoe Department.
Kline's Just Wright $4 Shoes, in Patent, Gun Metal
and Tan leather, in all the new shapes. Sale price $3.19
Kline's $3.50 Dress Shoes, in all leathers. Price $2.89
Kline's $3 Dress and Work Shoes, values.
Stleprice..............................0c. i gvod eee $2.38
Kline's $2.50 Dress and Work Shoes. Sale price $1.89
Kline’s $2 Dress and Work Shoes, exceptional val-
ues. Saleprice..............................0 0. $1.48
Kline's $1.75 Dress and Work Shoes, solid leather.
LS RI Rl $1.29
Ladies’ Shoe Department.
Kline's $3.50 Patrician and Dolly Madison Shoes, in
Gun Metal, Patent, Tan and Suede, either button or
Ning D
Boys and Misses Shoe Dept.
Kline's $2.50 ’ Messenger Shoes, in Patent, Gun
f, in either lace or button. Sale
Metal and Box
PIR... ass ee riicnerrinsensseniinsnnsnrinnnsn $1.89
Kline's $2 Boys’ Shoes, extra good School or Dress
Sale price............cceeviiinecnrisiiinnsinnnisonis $1.69
Kline's $1.50 Boys’ Shoes, a good value for the mon-
ey.. Sale price...................... huis sestnereiitinind $1.23
Kline's $2 Misses Shoes, in Patent, Gun Metal, Box
Calf and Vici Kid, button or lace. Sale price...... $1.48
Kline's $1.50 Misses Shoes, a good school shoe; just
shoe for winter wear. price................. $1.19
Artics and Gums.
Jace. Sale prite................. ....... ............ $2.89
Kline's $3 Ladies’ Fine Shoes, in latest shapes, in all Men's $1.75 one-buckle Cloth Artics. Sale price $1.39
in Sieher buen RY Sac pI au ne Men's $2 Lumbermans Gums. Sale price.........$1.69
ine's ies’ Fine Shoes, in , Gun Boys’ .
Metal or Patent leather. Sale price.................... $1.89 . $2 Gum Boots. Sale p nee. re RI
Kline's $2 Ladies’ Fine Shoes, extra good values for Men's $3 Felts and Gums, a combination. $2.31
themoney, Saleprice........... ~~ $1.48 Sas $2.50 Heavy Rolled Edge Lumbermans Gime.
aE Toy es AFii Er BE PIICR...........cs cv
Kl 1.75 Sh Vv
Ge ra Lies’ Shoes, In Viel Boia. and Bo Ladies’ $1.25 Cloth Artics.” Sale price................ 85
Kline's $1.50 Ladies’ Shoes, Dongola leather. Sale Misses and Childrens 50c Rubbers. Sale price 39¢
PRIOR... iui ries bres inneintsesriaiessnisssnreee.ssened $1.09 Ladies 60 cent Rubbers. Sale price................... 42c
Men’s Suits and Overcoats.
worth up to $10.00. Sale price..............
These suits are made of Scotch Cheviots, 4 O08
Fancy Worsteds and will give good wear. .
Men's Suits and Overcoats worth
up to $20.00. Sale price.................... 12 05
Strictly hand made and up-to-date. .
Men's Suits and Overcoats worth up to
$1200. Oursaleprice......................... 7 05
These suits are well tailored and strictly .
up-to-date.
Men's Suits and Overcoats worth up
to $22.50. Our sale price.................. 14 7H
These most celebrated clothes are the .
pride of our store.
Men's Suits and Overcoats worth up
to $15.00. Our sale price.................. 9 v 5
At $9.75. we offer a good selection of .
Suits, Overcoats and Raincoats.
worth up to $18. Our sale price... 1 1 75
Every Suit and Overcoat in this .
Men's Fine Suits and Overcoats
tremendous selection are the best clothes made at $18.
Fleece Lined Underwear.
Men's 50 cent Fleece Lined Underwear. Sale
DIE CB, eux iusisnesnseiiusarenssssunnnnanisscrsaresssansansessssnenss;. 35¢
Men's $1.50 Wool Underwear, in all colors.
ME PIICR.. ..... ccatissesriissernesinrsscinnsesssssnsseoin ii] $1.19
Men's $1.25 Wool Underwear. Sale price......... 85¢
Boys’ 35 cent Fleeced Underwear. Sale price... 21c
en's 50 cent Rich's all-wool Heavy Sox. Sale
PRICR...........cconiiamarenressionsnssannneniansessiness nnsnse rien 33c
Boys’ Suits and Sweaters.
Boys’ $3.00 Suits. Sale price...................... $1.98
Boys’ $3.50 Suits. Sale price........ $2.69
Boys’ $4.50 Suits. Sale price........ ..$3.79
Boys’ 60 cent Coat Sweaters. Sale price......... 39¢
Men's Heavy 75 cent Sweater ts. Sale
IIE... ...co1 icsunnsissounsecsconnicarsssasessesoion.s sions nn: 48¢c
Men's $2.00 Coat Sweaters, in grey or white.
SBIBDLICE........ i ccsciesi irene an 98¢c
Men's Fine 15 cent Dress Sox. Sale price...... llc
Men's Heavy 35 cent Wool Sox. Sale price...... 21c
Men's $3.50 Fine Dress Pants. Sale price....... $2.48
Boys’ $2.50 Suits. Sale price......................... $1.49 Men's $1.25 Cloth Dress Artics. Sale price...... 98¢c
Men's $2.00 Dress Pants, in all patterns. Sale
TE rges Punts, oll paver, Sal $1.20 FREE TRIP
Men's 85 cent Rich's Mittens. Sale price . 69¢
Men's $3.00 Corduroy Pants. Sale price. $1.93 TO BELLEFONTE
Men's 50 cent Silk Neckties. Sale price........... 29¢ . .
Men's 50 cent Corduroy and Cloth Caps. Sale We pay your Round-Trip railroad fare on all pur-
PRICE... .cccotrranrassssnsnniasssssssosersnesnneensaninsssinensnne 39¢ chases of $10.00 or over within 20 miles of Bellefonte
Ladies’ $1.25 warm lined Sale price... 89¢c
Men's 18 cent Wool 4 Slippers. 5
THE BIRTHPLACE OF LOW PRICES.
Crider's Exchange, Allegheny St.
Bush Arcade Building,
Y6agers Shoe Store
BIG
REDUCTION
IN
LADIES SHOES
JOHN CROSS,
DOROTHY DODD,
AND :
CLASTER’S
Dry Goods.
upon presenting the return ticket to cashier.
UNDERSELLING STORE.
Bellefonte, Penna,
Dry Goods.
CS.
|
LYON & CO.
We are having the
largest
~ White Sale
in town.
RI
Everything in our store
At Reduced Prices.
Our stock was bought before the ad-
vance, at prices that will mean a
big saving to you.
Muslins, Table Linens, Sheetings,
CLEMENT & BALL
Ladies High Grade
$3.50 and $4.00
Lace Shoes :
Reduced to $2.48
YEAGER’S SHOE STORE.
successor to Yeager & Davis.
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Towels and Toweling, Laces and
Embroideries at lower prices than
anywhere else.
A big opening of early Spring Dress
Silks, Wool Fabrics, Dress Ging-
hams, Waistings, etc.
We cordially invite all to come in
and see our qualities and prices
and get the first ideas of 1910
Spring Novelties.
SE
SPECIAL--We still continue our
clearance sale on all Winter stuffs.
LYON & COMPANY,
Allegheny St. 47-12 Bellefonte, Pa.
Raa