Bellefonte, Pa., January 8, 1909.
The Uses of Adversity.
“Grogan,” said the head of the de-
partment store, eying him sharply,
“you've quit drinking, haven't you?
“Yes, sor,” answered the red headed
Hibernian who worked in the pack-
ing department. “I haven't taken a
dhrink av annything sthronger th'n
iced tay fr three wonths.”
“lI am glad to heur it, Grogan. I'll
make It an object to you to stay quit.
But how did you break yourself of the
habit?”
“Be hittin’ me thumb nail wid a
hammer whin I was packin’ a box ©
goods™
“I don’t see how that could cure
you.”
“Well, Misther Barker, it was this
way. If I'd been sober, d’ye moind, I'd
niver have done it, but I wasn’t. Whin
I whacked me thumb instead av the
nail I was thryin’ to dhrive it made a
black spot at the root av me thumb
nail. I says to mesilf: ‘Grogan, I'll
punish ye f'r that. Ye shan't have a
dhrink av ayther beer 'r whusky until
that black spot has gone.’
“Well, sor, it was two months befure
it had growed out to the end o' me
thumb an’ I cud cut it off, an’ be that
time I'd lost all me appetite f'r beer
an’ whusky.
“Thin I says to meself: ‘Grogan, I'll
reward ye f'r that. Ye're a sober man
now, an’ ye'll stay sober.” That's the
whole story, sor.”—Youth's Companion,
The Russian Joke Teller.
Story telling and jesting have al-
ways been counted the favorite amuse-
ments of seaibarbaric people. To the
first we owe the “Arabian Nights"
and to the second the clowns, who
were formerly the appendage of all
great houses. In Russia the paid
joker still flourishes, and the people
pay so much an hour to listen to his
jokes and witticisms. He provides
himself with two or three hundred
tickets, and, mounting a =ort of ros-
trum, he announces that he is going
to regale his audience with cholee tid-
bits of mirth provoking lore. He be-
gins selling tickets at a penny each,
and when he has sold enough to war-
rant his beginning he turns himself
loose, and the audience remains spell-
* bound by his humorous stories for an
hour or two. A recent traveler who
saw a number of these jokers in St.
Petersburg says, “I listened to them
several times, and, although I could
not undersiand one word the joker
said, 1 was sure from the way the na-
dience greeted his stories with ronrs
of laughter that the jokes were above
the average.”
Adam, Eve and Some Apples.
How many apples did Adam and Eve
eat?
Some say Eve 8 and Adam 2, a total
of 10. Others say Eve 8 and Adam 8
also; total, 1 6. But If Eve 8 and Adam
82, the total will be 90. Now, if Eve
81 and Adam 8 1 2 the total would be
893. Thenif EveS811stand Adam812
the total would be 1,623. Or, again,
Eve 814 Adam, Adam 81242 oblige
Eve, total 82,056. Though we ad-
mit Eve 814 Adam, Adam, if he8181
242 keep Eve company; total, 8,182,
056. All wrong. Eve, whenshe81812
many and probably felt sorry for it,
and Adam, in order to relieve her
grief, 812; therefore Adam If he 818
14240fy Eve's depressed spirit;
hence both ate 81,896,864 apples.
~Kansas City Independent,
Marriage Customs In Savage Africa.
The charge which is sometimes
brought against white men of “marry-
ing for money” cannot be used against
their sex in Africa, for there it is the
other way about, husbands having to
purchase their wives. When a man
has a wife bestowed upon him as an
act of charity he feels that she is not
properly his own, and she, if she will,
can treat him with contempt. This
custom of wife purchase, although it
is to be decried as tending to lower
marriage to the level of a commercial
contract, is an incentive to young men
to work. Lazy youths cannot com-
pete with energetic ones in the matri-
monial market, as they are despised by
the young women and rejected by their
parents as being unworthy of their
daunghters.— Wide World Magazine.
Sea Roses.
The sea rose is a leathery looking
creature wich attaches itself to a
stone at the bottom of the sea in its
infancy and ultimately attains a size
about three inches in length and an
inch and a half in breadth. When
quiet and feeding under water its top
opens and blossoms into the semblance
of a large pink rose, with petals fully
an inch long, a really handsome ob-
ject. As soon as it is disturbed, how
ever, it shuts itself resolutely into its
leather pod.
“The Diving Bell.
The celebrated philosopher Aristotle
speak . of a diving bell which was put
over the head of the diver, but there
is no proof of the use of the bell in
ancient times. John Jaesnier, who
lived in the early part of the sixteenth
century, makes the earliest mention
of the praclical use of the diving bell
in Europe. In all probability the first
real practical nse of the diving bell
was in the attempt at rescuing the
treasures of the Spanish armada off
the English coast, 1500 and on.
A Change.
“It used to be the height of my ambi-
tion to own a motor car,” said the wor-
ried looking man.
“And what is the height of your am-
bition now 7” asked his friend.
“To sell it.”"—Philadelphia Iaquirer.
Cpulence In Sight.
“Well,” demanded the man who was
baving his fortune told. “what do you
see?”
“You are married,” said the lady
who was examining his palm.
“Yes. But I knew that before I came
here.”
“You have always had to fight your
way ahead—that is, you have pro.
gressed by hard work. You have never
Leen favored much by luck.”
“Very true. Still, that isn't exactly
what 1 came here to find out. Can't
you tell me something about the fu-
ture?
“Yes. You are going to live long.
Your life line is very strong. And here
1 gee something very important—some-
thing that will encourage you. Your |
enlary is going to be increased.”
“Good. That's the kind of news 1
want. You're sure abont it, are you?
“Yes. You will get it before long.”
“And is there anything to indicate
about how much it is to be Increased?’
“It will be much larger than it is
pow. Let me see. Yes. It will be as
large as your wife tries to make he:
friends think it i= at present.”
He could ask no more. With a feel-
fang of courage in his breast he handed
out £2 and went away to the triumph
that awaited him. — Chicago Record-
Herald.
Managing Small Sailboats.
it is quite a trick to lower a main.
sail properly. In the first place, the
hoops should be just large enough
not so large, however, that the sail
does not set close to the mast, Lower
the throat first and follow it with the
peak. If the peak is dropped first,
gars a writer in Country Life In Amer-
ica, the sail will not come down, It
goes without saying that the sail must
be shaken when you want to lower
it. To lower a centerbourd when un-
der way put the helm up and keep the |
boat off. A small boat can be stop
ped by putting the helm up and down
across the hoat quickly. This is use-
fal In coming up to 2 dock or moor-
ing. A boat ean be got out of stays
by dropping her peak and then hoist-
ing It when she is under way. An-
other way is to put the helm down, |
slack the main sheet and let her drift
back: then trim her quickly and she
will sail away. Always
side of a dock.
especially a! night,
Candor.
The colonel had remonstrated vigor-
cusly with Unele Eph about the old
darky's persistent excursions into the
state of inebriation. Uncle Eph,
though he promised faithfully to re-
frain from frequent dips into the flow-
ing bowl, failed to live up to the colo- |
nel’s expectations, Ou numerous oc-
casions the colonel suw Eph under the
influence of liquor, but the darky when
taken to task stoutly denied the ac-
cusation, aflirming emphatically that
he did not drink. One evening the
colonel met Uncle Eph in a condition
which made it plainly evident that
the darky was “caught with the goods
on.”
“Eph,” began the colonel seriously, |
Be BE EEEEEEEREREE EERE DE,
“1 thought you told me that you had
given up drink?”
“Ah sho’ did, Massa Kern'l; Ah sho’
did,” replied Eph. “But lately Ah dun
took up drinkin’ an’ gib up lyin'."—
Harper's Weekly.
The Crab In the Oyster.
“The little crab found in the oyster,”
said a dealer, “is not, as supposed
by two-thirds of the oyster eaters,
the young of the blue crab, but is a
distinct species. It is a messmate of
and caterer to the wants of the oyster,
being, therefore, a benefit instead of a
detriment to the latter. In return for
the oyster's kindness In protecting it
against its enemies the little crab
catches and crushes food which in its
entire state could not be taken by the
oyster. A singular thing in connection
with them is that all found inside of
the oyster are females. The male of
the same variety has a hard shell.”
A Story For Papa.
There Is a moral in this little story
of child life.
“Mamma,” asked little three-year-old
Freddie, “are we going to heaven some
day?’
“Yes, dear; T hope so,” was the reply.
“I wish papa could go, too,” contin-
ued the little fellow.
“Well, and don't you think he will?’
asked his mother.
“Oh, no.” replied Freddie: “he could
not leave his business!
Not ¢f That Nationality.
A gentleman was much annoyed by
having his head pinched during the op-
eration of hair cutting. The barber
apologized and explained that ther
was an unusual bump there.
“Are you a phrenologist? asked the
patient.
“No, sir,” answered the barber. “I'm
a Swede" London Globe.
Nature.
Nature is just toward men. It ree.
ompenses them for their sufferings; it
renders them laborious, because to the
greatest toils it attaches the greatest
rewards. —Montesquien,
Charges,
“Your lawyer made some pretty se-
vere charges against the other fellow,
didn’t he?”
“Y-e-e-s, but you ought to see how he
charged me!”
A Busy Time.
On a windy day it is quite trying for
w woman to attempt to hold up her
skirt, hold on her hat and hold her
tongue all at once.—Philadelphin Rec-
ord.
All's to be feared where all's to be
gained.—Byron.
go to the lee |
i
When a boat is towed
make sure that it has a good painter, |
Watch Springs.
The watch carried by the average
man is composed of ninety-eight pieces,
and its manufacture embraces more
than 2,000 distinct and separate opera-
tions.
Hairspring wire weighs one-twenti
eth of a grain to the inch. One mile of
wire weighs less than half a pound.
The balance gives five vibrations ev
ery second, 200 every minute, 18001
every hour, 432,000 every day and 157.
680,000 every year.
The value of springs when finished
and placed in watches is enormous in
i
proportion to the material from which
| they are made. A ton of steel made uy
i hairsprings when in watches |.
worth more than twelve and one-half
| times the value of the same weight in
pure gold.
How He Managed It.
The bishop of Richmond told a good
story about his father. “He was =
farmer,” said Dr. Pulleine, “and a nic
old gentleman too. One year he tool: !
into his head to grow flax, so he sow eo
the seed and. having a good crop. seu!
it away to be made into a tablecloth
Some time later when seated at dinuer
he remarked to a lady near him. ‘De
you know, 1 grew this tablecloth my
self!" ‘Did you really? she answer
with the greatest surprise. ‘However
did you manage it? ‘Well, most mys
teriously, ‘if you'll promise not to tel
any one I'll tell you. I-—-planted a nap
kin.’ "—London Mail.
Her Assistant.
The authoress of whom Fliegende
Blatter tells had «ald that she was
very happy in her married life.
“I find my husband such a help!”
she added fervently.
“Indeed!” said her friend.
cook or write?"
“Does he
IF YOU WISH TO BECOME.
THE PENNSYLVANIA
STATE COLLEGE
Colleges & Schools.
A Scientific Farmer,
in short, if you wish to secure a training thst wil it you well for anv honorable pursuit in lite,
Suicidal Flying Fish.
The Indian ocean is singularly de-
vold of fish and bird life, but one night
dozens of flying fish flew on board a
vessel there. They were attracted by
the lantern on the foremast, against
which they dashed and fell stunned to
the deck. In appearance they are very
like a sand mullet. The wings resem-
ble an extended dorsal fin and open
and shut like a lady's fan. Not only
are they ediple; they are a dish for an
epicure.—8ydney (N. 8. W.) Freeman's
Journal.
He Enjoyed the Rest of the Game.
“Now, that is what is known as a
safe hit,” volunteered the escort, “and
entitles the runner to take his place cn
the second Lase.”
“Yes,” responded the damsel, “and if
that duffer had the base running abil
ity of an ice wagon he'd have stretch-
ed that bingle into a three bagger.”—
Louisville Courier-Journal.
Hood's Sarsaparilla.
JDISEASE GERMS
Cannot harm healthy human bodies. We
cannot have healthy bodies unless we
have pure blood, ~the kind of blood that
Hood's Sarsaparilia makes,
‘This great medicine has an unequalled,
unapproached record for purifying and
enriching the blood,
It enres serofula, eczema, eruptions, es
tarrh, rheumatism, anemia, nerv y
that tired feeling, dyspepsia, loss of appe-
tite, general debility, and builds up the
whole system.
It effects its wonderful cures, not sim.
ply because it contains sarsaparilia but
because it combines the ntmost remedial
values of more than 20 different ingredi-
ents, If urged to buy any preparation
said to he “just as good" you may be sure
it i= inferior, costs less to make, and yields
the dealer a larger profit.
Get Hood's Sarsaparilis today. In usual
liquid form or in chocolated tavlets known
As Sarsatabs, 54-2
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thies, Pedagogies, and
apled to the wants of those who seek either the most thorough training for the Profession
of Teaching, or a general College Education.
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FIRST SEMESTER begins Thursday, September 17th, 1908.
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WwW S. GLENN, M. D., Physician and Sar-
« geon, State College, Centre county, Pa.
Office at his residence. 35-41
Dentists.
dO em. igh Hees Blane
. M. . nt:
Gas administered for painless ex op
teeth. Superior Crown and Bridge work. Prices
reasonable, 52-32.
R. H, W, TATE, Surgeon Dentist, office in
the Bush Arcade, Bellefonte, Pa. All
modern electric alliances used. Has had years
of experience. All work of superior quality and
prices reasonable, #%H8-1y
——
Yeterinary.
D*® 8. M. NISSLEY
VETERINARY SURGEON,
Office Palace Livery Stable,
Bellefonte, Pa.
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Branch Office, 625 F 8t, Washington, D, C,
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Meat Markets.
GFT THE
BEST MEATS.
You save nothing by buying, poor, th'n
or gristly meats. | use only the
LARGEST, FATTEST, CATTLE,
and supply my customers with tne fresh
est, cholcest, best blood and muscle mak
ing Steaks and Roasts. My prices are
wh higher than poorer meats are eise
where
! always have
DRESSED POULTRY ee
Gune in season, and any kinds of geo:
meats you want.
Tay My Buor,
P. L. BEEZER.
High Btreet, Bellefonis
Money to Loan.
MoNEy TO LOAN on good seoarity
and houses for rent,
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Atl'y at Law,
5l-14-1y
A
ENTRAL RAILROAD OF PENNA.
Condensed Time Table effective June 17, 1908
|
Reap pown Reap or.
No 1{No 5 No 3 No 6/No 4 No 2.
|
|
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|. Hublersburg...
«Sanydertown....
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«Krider's Siding.
w Mackeyville....
..Cedar Spring...
sessesennRIONA.......
30. .MILLHALL..
V. ¥. Central & Hudson River
5 i reas un Jersey SHOTS, we 3
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(Phila. & Reading Ry.)
eateresensan PHILA.............| 18 96] 11 80
10 10 0 00}..ceenee. NEW YORK.........
! (Via Phila.) i
tWeek Days
WALLACE H. GEPHART,
General Supermtendent.
BELLEFONTE CENTRAL RAIL-
ROAL.
B88
| ooo
p. m.is. m.lArmr. Lve. a. m.|p. m.
Schedule to take eflect Monday Jan. 6, 1908,
WESTWARD | EAST WARD
read down | read up
1No.5/tNo.3 FS.) Sramom, (fo. 4No.4| Ng:
ru. | An am Lv Aram (ron row
2 00 11 15/6 30, ...Bellefonte...| 8 50| 12 50 6 00
207 102086 35/..... Coleville A 8 40 12 40'5 50
2 12} 10 23/6 38 ...... Moris....... 887 12375 47
2 17 10 276 43. .....Btevens......!| © 85 12355
i l..Lime Centre..
2 21} 1030/6 46 . Hunter's Park.| 8 31 12 31:5 40
2 26! 10 34/6 50 ...,.Fillmore......| 8 38 12 285 33
2 32! 10 40/6 85/...... Briarly....... | 82 12205 30
2 35 10 437 00..... Waddles.....| 8 2 12 20,5 g¢
2 50 10517 12] Krumrine..| 8 07 12 07/5 07
im TD 738 Sie Tolle, TOT ET
i Te {515 :
17 81 ...Blormedor.... 40 i
3 0) i735 Pine wrove M'ls, 7 85] 3 2c
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THAT OFFER YOU
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OF ANY
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