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Bemorraif Matra
Bellefonte, Pa., January |, 1909,
THREE SONGS.
Siug me, thou singer, a song of gold !
Said a eare-worn man to me ;
So | sang of the golden summer days,
And the sad, sweet autumn’s yellow haze,
Till his heart grew soft, and his mellowed
gaze
Was a kindly sight to see,
Sing me, dear singer, a song of love!
A fair girl asked of me ;
Then I sang of a love that clasps the race,
Gives all, asks naught—till her kindled face
Was radiant with the starry grace
Of blessed charity.
Bing me, O singer, a song of life !
Cried an eager youth to me ;
And I sang of the life without alloy,
Beyond our years, till the heart of the boy
Caught the golden beauty, and love, and joy
Of the great eternity.
Edward Rowland Sill.
THE NEW YEAR.
Who comes dancing over the snow,
His little soft feet all bare and rosy?
Open the door, though the wild winds blow,
Take the child in and make him cosy;
Take him in and hold him dear,
He is the wonderful New Year.
Open your heart, be it sad or gay,
Welcome him there, and use him kindly,
For you must earry him, yea or nay,
Carry him with shut eyes so blindly;
Whether he bringeth joy or fear,
Take him, God sends him, this good New
Year. — [Dinah Mulock Craik.
The History of Socialism in the Unit-
ed States.
In the early pars of the wuineteenth oen-
tury, America was looked to as the bappy
land for Utopian schemes, both religious
and economic. Some of these settlements
lasted down to quite recent years, but so-
cialists have now given up the plan of
teaching their ideas by sects or communi-
ties, ey bave learned that no life, eith-
er individual or social, can exist for a long
time, if it is separated from the rest of
modern life. They recognize thas Social-
ism stands in the future of the human race,
and that individnale can do nothing more
than direct the form that it shall take. So-
cialization we shall have, bat shall it be a
benevolent feudalism or a religions pater-
nslism or a co-operative commonwealth.
In the first ball of the last century Amer-
ica was not in a state of development favor-
able to socialism ; land was abundant; ag:
rioulture flourishing; industry in its yonth;
the supply of labor was below the demand;
freedom of press, education, manhood, sof-
frage and the right of association had been
established. Yes, in she last hall of the
century, the great improvements to indus-
ho 4 tion and commuuication,
which were brought in by the invention of
machinery, bave changed the United States
from an ideal republic of equal independ-
ent citizens, to an industrial battle ground ;
on one side mulsi-millionaires and mooey-
kings, on the other abject poverty and un-
employment, while all along the line rapid
guerrilla wars are carried on by the less fa-
vored, sometimes fighting for their very ex-
istence, sometimes urged by a hope of at-
taining to the top or goaded by the fear of
falling to the bottom.
In his “History of Socialism in the Unis-
ed States,’”’ Morris Hillguis says: *‘In 1850
the Jopaiatin of the United States was
but little over 23,000.000; half a century
later it rose to over 75,000,000. In 1850
the wealth ¢f the country amounted to lit-
tle over $7,000,000,000, and was pretty
evenly dissribated among the population;
in 1890 the ‘‘National wealth’ exceeded
$65,000,000,000, and more than one-half of
is was concentrated in the hands of bat 40,-
000 families, or one-third of one per cent.
of the lation. In 1850 fifty-five per
cent. e wealth of the United States
consisted of farms; in 1890 the farms made
up less than twenty-four per cents. of the
wealth of the country. [un 1860 the entire
capital invested in industries in the United
States was little over $1,000.000,000, in
the space of the following thirty years it
had increased more than six-fold. In 1870
the supply of labor was too inadequate for
the demand ; three decades later there was
a standing army of over 1,000,000 idle
working men. Iv 1860 strikes and look-
outs were hardly kuown in America; be-
tween 1881 and 1894 the country witness.
ed over 14,000 contests hetween capital and
labor in which about 4,000,000 of working
men participated. The process of develop-
ment sketched in the preceding pages thus
prepared the ground for the socialist move-
ment of the modern sype. * * * #
““The history of this period of the socialist
movement in the United States may, lor
the sake of convenience, although some-
what arbitrarily, be divided into she fol-
lowing four periods:
“1. The Aoti-Bellum period, fiom
about 184F to the hegivning of the Civil
war. The movement of that period was
confined almost exclusively to German im-
migrants, principally of the working class.
It was quite insignificant in breadih as
well as in depth and was almost entirely
swept away by the excitement of the Civil
War. :
#2. The Period of Organization, cover-
ing the deeade between 1867 and 1877, aud
marked by a succession of socialist societies
and parties, first oo a local then on a na-
tional scale, culminating finally in the for-
mation of the Socialist Labor Party.
“3. The Period of the Socialist Labor
Party, extending over twenty years, and
marked by a series of internal and exter-
nal struggles over the question of the poli-
oy and tactios of the movement.
“4, Present—Day Socialism, which
embraces the period of the last few years,
and is marked by the acolimatization of
the movement and the advent of the So-
cialist Party,”
In the first two periods the movement
was little more than educational, carried
on in a limited way through societies and
clabs, ge membership was largely com-
The Socialist Labor Party, organized in
1877 was the first definite advance on na.
sional lines and it for a large of its ex-
istence was devoted to A izing the
movement.
In Earopean conutries the trade unions
had foliowed or grown up with the Soocial-
ist movement, while in America they had
preceded it. In 1878 the first General As-
sambly of the Knights of Labor was held.
Ia 1881 the Federation of Trade and Labor
Unions was organized which later devel.
gpa into the American Federation of La.
The Socialists have proclaimed their
sympatoy with trade-unions and endeav-
ored to bring the two movements into har-
mony, but She trade-unions Be the
past, as a rule, been opposed tical
action, white gid Sogiatins believe i She
capture of the machinery
country is necessary, and thas political
cam give opportunities for spreading
the knowledge of their ideas.
In countries where the Socialist move-
ment bas grown up, in fia sant day it bite
always bad to fight anarchism, with-
in and without its ranks. This in Ameri.
ca fell to she los of she Socialist Labor Par-
ty. The strife was long and relentless and
ended only with the overthrow of the an-
arohist movement in America. Since 1887
Anarchy has been confined to disjointed,
powerless efforts and bas broken up into
small clubs or scattered individuals who
keep up a systemless fight on people and
institutions. It is now becoming well un-
derstood thas the philosophies of Anarchy
and Socialism are diametrically
and that the former is nearer that of capi-
talism than it is of socialism.
The Socialist Labor Party, alter its
struggle with anarchy and because of the
narrow and intolerant attitude which its
later leaders assumed, failed to represent
she growing iuterest in Socialism in Amer-
ica.
Henry George's ‘‘Progressand Poverty,”
blished in 1879 and Edward Bellamy’s
‘Looking Backward’ published in 1887,
bad aroused a great deal of interest in so-
oial questions. The great strikes which
followed the panio of '73, and which al-
ways ended in the defeat of the workers
turned the minds of the laboring classes
toward other methods of procedure. Polit-
ical parties on nataral lines have started in
the middle and western states.
In 1889 the Society of Christian Social-
ists was organized in Boston.
In 1899 the Socialist Labor Party divid-
ed into two factions and in 1900 the faction
which was opposed to the administration
of the old party, united with the Social
Democratic Party of the west giving to the
new organization the name tbe Socialist
Party. This party is drawing to itself the
socialist activity of the whole country, al-
though it does nos represent all the sympa-
thizers in the movement, for there are
many in the United States who, although
they are in accord with the philosophy and
aims of Socialism, yet because of
views, intellectual ties or material inter-
ests, do not cast their vote for the Socialist
Party.
ELIZABETH BLANCHARD.
Kecollections of a Far Away Day in
Bellefonte,
Editor Watchman :
In the spring of 1861 Mike Grove was
elected assessor for Benner township.
Because be declined to serve, the com.
missioners appointed me as sabstitute.
One day about the middle of April, when
I was at my work over along Buffalo Ran,
I heard drums beating in Bellefonte. I
wondered what it meant, and decided to go
to town aod see what was going on. When
1 got to about “‘Strychnine corner,” I saw | B®
several people moving about as excitedly
as if the town were on fire. I inquired
“‘what was up,” and was told that Sumter
bad fallen, and the President had called
for seventy-five thousand men for three
mouths, to put down the rebellion.
I walked up Allegheny street, past the
Conrad house, and up to the square, or
“Diamond’’ as it was then called. [ noticed
a tall, slender, boyish looking fellow, who
seemed to be very busy. If I am not mis-
taken, that man is now General Beaver,
whom we all delight to honor.
There was one man playing the fife, and
two were beating drums, one of whom I
think was ‘‘Bob’’ Cassidy, and it seemed to
me that he was trying his best to see bow
much noise he could make.
They were raising a company to go to
the‘war. Several men who belonged toa
military company called the ‘‘Bellefonte
Fencibles,”” of which our late great War
Governor was captain, served as the nuole-
us around whioh others gathered.
Austin Snyder was dressed in uniform,
and bad his sword on. He marched the
*‘hoys’’ back and forth several times, and
then lined them up on the court house
steps, where a man by the name of John L.
Johnson called the roll. I don't mean
John T. Johnston of the old ‘‘Demooratic
Whig,” but another mav, whom I bave
never seen since that day.
I remember standing near where the
Soldier's Monument is wow, when Lop
Shagert and Evan Blanchard bad a rather
heated talk with each other. Shugert was
in favor of oconciliation—anything most,
rather than war Blanchard was of a dil-
ferent mind. He wanted to fight, and
proposed to begin on Shogeit right shen
and there.
There was a good deal of delay and diffi-
enlty io getting teams quick enough to
take the ‘‘hoys’’ over to Lewistown, the
nearest railroad point as that time.
When a wagon was fall, they started off
waving hate and yelling, and brandishing
all sorts of kaives, revolvers and ‘‘horse
pistols,” as they were then called.
They soon learned that these ‘‘tools’
were not the kind they needed and they
threw them away.
I remember how they laughed and yelled
as the teams started. The ‘‘boys’’ were
a8 light-hearted as il they were going out
to Pleasant Gap to a political meeting.
Slowly and sadly be it said, many of them
have not come back vet.
Some few weeks after that company left,
two besides myself—one was John Musser,
who used to live oni at Pleasant Gap—the
name of the other I have forgotten—took a
notion we would go to Harrisburg to see
the soldiers. When we were ready to start
for home we went down Market street for
the depot. .
At that time—and even Ilater—about
every third or fourth door from the old
‘‘Farmers’ hotel’’ to the depot, wasa Jew
clothing store.
There was always a ‘‘Sheeny” standing
at the store door, to catch you by the coat
to pull you in to buy ‘‘sheap clothings.”
Musser was in the lead, and had been
caught a couple of times, when he swore
that the next fellow that took hold of him
would get something he didn’t want.
We brd gone only a few rods until a
i caught hold of John to pull
m in.
John braced himself up, and gave a
“‘Fitzsimmons,’’ that landed “Isaac”. full
length on the ground, and then ran for the
depot.
oO ic as I know, General Beaver and
Robert A. Cassidy are the only survivors
of that noble band of ‘‘boys’ who so
Jromphly ed to their country’s call
0 the time of greatest need.
lly,
DANIEL MoBRIDE.
Omaha, Dee. 14th, 1908,
ee First ‘Sportsman after jumping
stile) -Come along. Do bavea try! or
ond Sportsman—Oh, it’s all very well for
Jos. But I'm going to be married next
week.
————————————
~Subscribe for the WATCHMAN.
«| ure tries to do all de knockin’ hisse'f.”
ge —————————————————————— —
Some (Interesting Points of Character
in the Hand-Clasp.
Those people who clasp their hands with
two fingers between the thumb and finger
instead of the usual one are probably very
Setiia). To lay he left g flat ia She
right firm over is a
sign of a Business capacity is
shown il the left fingers are curved in-
wards. To olasp the hands together very
tightly, running the fingers down as far as
they will go, shows, it is eaid, that the
character is sincere, bus if the left thamb be
uppermost, and the right little finger con-
cealed iu the lefts palm, a secretive nature,
though not one necessarily untrutbfal, is
denoted
Thoughtfulness and consideration for the
feeling of others are shown if when the
elbows are placed on a desk or table the
thamb and firet fingers are clasped tightly.
oe re
are e man w nteriaces
fingers and then places his bands, palm
downwards, flatly on his knee. To clasp
the bands in the ordinary way, with the
right thamb o moss, shows that one is
born to be ruled,says Woman's Life. When
the hands are allowed to lie loosely on the
knee, with each ret of fingers joined and
barely touching the other, it shows weak-
ness of character and indecision.
Some Language Statistics.
It is estimated by the most competent
aathorities that there are no less than five
thousand distinct languages spoken by |
mankind. The number of separate dialects |
is enormous. For instance, there are more
than sixty distinct vocabularies in Brazil
alone, and in Mexico the Nahua tongue has
been broken up into seven handred dia. |
lects, Theo too there are hundreds of
dialects in Borneo; and in Australia the
complexities of the linguistic problem are
bhevond classification.
It is said that generally the number of
dialects decreases with the intellectual cal-
ture of the population. If, it is pointed
out, there is an average of fifty dialects to
every language, we still have the stupend-
va total of two hundred and fifty thous |
and.
——Mrs. Homespun (indignantly)
—*‘Here’s an article »avs that in Formosa
a wife costs five dollars I" Mr. Homespun
(thoughtfully )—*‘Well, a good wile is
worth is.”
——Tom (at the musicale)—Don’t you
think Miss Sohreecher sings with consid-
erable feeling ? Jack—Not =o I can notice
it. If she had any feeling for the rest of |
us she woaldn’t sing at all.
— Mistress — Jane, I saw the milkman
kies you this morning. In the futore I
will sake the milk in. Jane—'Twouldn’t
be no nse, mum. He's promised never to
kiss anybody but me.
~Bill—*‘Is that watch your father
ve you ten years ago still doing good
service 2’ Jill—‘Yes; I pawned it again
today for the twentieth time.”’
—Knicker—‘‘Is he precocious in his
studies ?"’
Booker—‘‘Yes ; he bas already broken
three ribs, an arm aod a leg.”
Mrs. Green—‘‘Yon have never taken |
me te the cemetery.’ Mr. Green—'‘No,
my dear. I still bave that pleasure in
anticipation.”
~The Heiress—*‘Oh, papa! The Earl
bas proposed.” Papa Bigwad—*H’h!
What's his proposition ?"’
An Old Time Quack.
In the right hands it is a poor root
that will not work both ways. An old
quack doctor, according to the Wash-
ington correspondent of the Boston
Herald, was once called to see a boy
who had chills and fever.
He proceeded to scratch the bark off
a root and put some in one glass of
water and some in another glass of
water. i
“Give the medicine in this glass for |
the chills,” he then said to the lad’s |
mother, “but give this in the other
glass when the fever comes on.”
“But, doctor,” the mother protested,
“it is exactly the same in both glass-
es.”
“Oh, not at all,” declared the quack.
“But 1 saw you scrape the bark off
the same root and put it in each |
glass.”
“Yes,” admitted the quack smoothly,
“but you didn't see how I did it, my
dear lady. This for the chills I scrape
up on the root, and that makes it high
cockalorum. This for the fever I
scrape down on the root, and that
makes it low cockahighrum.”
Tobacco and Tin Foil.
General Winfield Scott was responsi-
ble for tin foil being wrapped around
tobacco. That fact came out in the
legal contest over the will of the eec-
centric millionaire tobacco dealer, John
Anderson. Early in the forties of the |
last century Mr. Anderson kept a pop-
ular cigar store on Broadway. Felix
McClosky, for many years the tobac-
conist’s salaried companion and agent,
testified that one day, in 1843 he
thought, General Scott came into the
store and asked Anderson if he
couldn't devise some way of keeping
tobacco so it would not be affected by
age and changes in climates. Ander-
son thought about it and shortly after
hit upon the pian of wrapping cigars
and chewing tobacco in tin foil, there-
by keeping the tobacco moist for a
long time. His tin foil covers became
popular, and his preserved tobacco was
much in demand during the Mexicar
war and the California gold rush,
swelling his business to enormous pro-
portions and soon making him a multi-
millionaire.
Generous.
“My husband is the most unselfish
of men!” exclaimed Mrs. Youngwife.
“I gave him a whole box of cigars,
and he only smoked one and gave all
the rest away.”
Paradise is for those who control
their anger.— Koran.
The Knocking.
“De successful man,” sald Uncle
Eben, “keeps quict 55's he kin hear op-
portunity knockin’ at de do’ De fail-
—Washington Star.
| ated with
The Hat and the Title.
There is an amusing English defini-
tien of “geantieman” It is “a man
who wears a silk hat and if he has
no other title insists upon having ‘Esq.’
added to his name when letters are
addressed to him.”
The west end Londoner of social
pretensions accepts this definition In
practice. Summer and winter, in rain
or shine, he wears a high silk hat in
the streets of London and carries it
into the drawing room when he pays
an afternoon call. It is only when. he
takes a train for the provinces or for
the continent that he veutures to use
more comfortable headgear. He also
expects to have the distinction of “es-
quire” when a letter is addressed to
him and is highly offended if he finds
on the envelope the prefix “Mr.” As
a matter of fact, the number of Eng-
lish gentlemen who are legally ea-
titled to the mediaeval hemior of “es-
quire” Is insignificant. It is a self as
sumed title which signifies nothing
that is substantial in rank or privilege.
in common use in London “esquire”
simply means that the person so ad-
dressed does not choose to be associ
tradesmen and ordinary
working pecple and that he is a “gen-
tleman” who invariably wears a silk
hat.
Mixed Metaphor.
The late Mr. Ritchie when chancel-
lor of the exchequer ouce asserted that
“the question of moisture in tobacco
is a thoruy subject aud has long been
a bone of contention.” His immediate
successor in office, Austen Chamber
lain, remarked at the Liberal Union
club's dinner that the harvest which
the present ~overnment had sown was
already coming home to roost,
Sir William Hart-Dyke has two con-
spicuous “howlers” to his credit—ihe
description of James Lowther as hav-
ing gone to the very top of the tree
and landed a big fish and the comfort.
ing assurance that his government had
got rid of the barbed wire entangle-
ments and was now in smooth water.
Among other political examples of mix-
ed metaphor are the prediction as-
eribed to a labor member that if we
give the house of lords rope encugh
they will soon fill up the cup of their
iniquity and an Irish member's com-
plaint that a certain government de-
partment is iron bound in red tape.—
London Standard.
A Fable.
Once Upon a Time there was a
Young Man who met Two Nice Girls,
who were Constantly Together. Now,
he was an Astute Young Man, and he
desired to say Something Pretty anc
Agreeable to the Ladies, but he knew
that if he raid a Compliment to One
of them, No Matter which, the Other
would be Hurt.
80 he Thought Rapidly for a mo
ment, and then he said:
“Ah, I know Why you Two Girls are
Always Together!”
“Why 7" asked the Two Girls,
“Because Everybody says that A
Handsome Girl Always Chooses a
Homely One as a Companion, So That
Her Beauty may be Enhanced by the
Contrast."
After Such a Remark, either Both
Girls would be Angry with him or De-
lighted.
And what Do you think Happened?
The Two Girls Blushed and said he
was A Flatterer and went their way
Together, each Happy for Herself and
Sorry for the Other.—London Answers.
The Flag.
On June 14, 1777, the Continental
congress resolved that the flag of the
United States be thirteen stripes, al-
ternate red and white, and that the
Union be thirteen white stars on a blue
field. On Jan. 13, 1794, by an act of
congress, the flag was altered to fifteen |
red and white stripes and fifteen stars. |
On April 4, 1818, congress again alter- |
ed the flag by returning to the original
thirteen stripes and fifteen stars, as
the adding of a new stripe for each ad-
ditional state would soon make the
flag too large. A new star is added to
the flag on July 4 following the ad-
mission of each new state.—New York
American.
Force of Habit.
“The question of enlarging the church
comes up tonight, John, doesn’t it?"
“Yes, dear, and we expect to have a
lively time. They tell me the opposi-
tion to the pastor will be strong.
Where's my overcoat? Oh, yes! And
now I want the tin horn and the cow-
beil and the big rattle.”
“Mercy, John, what are you going to
do?”
“Do! Why, I'm going to root for the
pastor.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
An Estimate.
“Old man Titewad must be worth a
billion dollars,” observes the man with
the ingrowing mustache.
“Nonsense!” says the man with the
dejected ears. “He hasn't over a hun
dred thousand to his name.”
“But I was estimating it at what be
would be worth if a dollar was as big
as he thinks it is.”—Chicago Post.
A Human Bungalow.
Pilkson didn’t impress you favors
bly, then?"
“No; he's just a bungalow.”
“A what?”
“A bungslow. He hasn't any foun
dation.”—Newark News.
A Freak.
Jubb—Why, Jimmy, you look as if
you'd grown four feet since I last saw
sou. Jimmy—Huh! T wisht I had. T'd
exhibit in a dime museum as the “hu-
man guadruped” and get a pile of
money, I would.
The intellect of the wise Is like glass;
it admits the light of heaven and re-
flects jt.-—Hare.
What a Political Speaker Endures.
The political stump speaker has
many amusing and many unpleasant
experiences, A party of us went down
into the heart of the east side of New
York one night with a politician some-
what handicapped by his wealth and
social position, who nevertheless elect-
ed to go to the doubtful district per-
sonally. At a street corner a bunting
draped cart awaited him, and, climbing
to the tailboard of this, he began tell-
ing the ragged audience in well round-
ed periods how they should vote and
why. A few jeers began to crop from
the tolerance of the crowd. The jeers
gained volume. He was told to “Aw,
shet up!” “Close your head!” “Say,
give us a drink; your talk makes us
t'irsty.” Somewhat disconcerted, but
still determined to finish his speech,
he was continuing when something
bhurtled past his head and splashed
gently on the floor of the cart. An-
other something and another followed,
and every one was dodging decadent
tomatoes until, it becoming impossible
to hear a shout above the jeers and
laughter of the voters, the horses were
started forward out of the soft, red
bombardment and the district left to
its own political sins.—John R. Win-
chell in Metropolitan Magazine.
Why He Did the Washing.
A man came up out of one of the
little roof houses across from the wo-
man's window with a big basket of
clothes. He was followed by two
small boys, carrying more clothes and
clothesping. The man put the basket
of clothes down and began to sort
them out preparatory to hanging them
on the line. The boys helped, handing
him the clothespins and some small
pieces, one at a time. They were a
long while hanging out the clothes be-
cause of their awkwardness. It was
evidently work they were unaccustomed
to, but at last it was finished, and the
boys went down into the little roof
house, leaving the man on the roof.
He stood for a moment looking at the
clothes, then, going over to a parapet,
sat down between two tall chimneys.
The woman could see him from her
window lean against one of the chim-
neys and by and by throw his arm
across his eyes,
She found out afterward that his
wife had died the week before.— New
York Press.
Only a Misunderstanding.
Several years ago in a well known
wholesale house in a big manufactur-
ing town an old bachelor bookkeeper,
who had been many years with the
firm, suddenly announced that he was
to be married.
The partners gave him a week's holi-
day, and his fellow clerks raised a
little purse and presented it to pay the
expenses of his wedding trip.
A couple of days after the wedding
one of the members of the firm went
down to a seaside resort, and there,
lounging about the parade and appar-
ently enjoying himself immensely, he
saw his recently married old book-
keeper, but alone.
“Where's your wife?” asked the prin-
cipal. .
“She's at home,” was the reply.
“But I thought you had money given
you for a wedding trip?”
“So 1 had,” was the reply. “but I
didn’t understand that it was intend-
ed to include her.”-—Pearson's Weekly.
A Valuable Milestone.
A well known novelist was touring
through Lancashire In order to learn
something of the lives of the inhabit-
ants when he came upon an old man
breaking stones on the roadside and,
thinking he might gain some knowl-
edge from him, addressed him thus:
“How far is it to Fleetwood, my
man?"
“You'll see a milestone a bit farther
on,” was the gruff reply.
“What's the use, if I can’t read?”
said the novelist, eager to draw the old
man into a conversation,
“Then it'll just suit you, for there's
nowt on it,” said the old fellow.—Lon-
don Graphic.
Specific Directions.
The message was transmitted to the
“cub” telegrapher. As written it read:
“Foundation under freight house
needs attention at once.”
As delivered to the general foreman
the dispatch contained a rather star-
tling bit of information. It read:
“Found a lion under freizht house.
Needs attention at once.” To which
he replied Lriefly:
“Feed the lion and notify the live
stock agent ”
Bad Luck.
“Mother.” said five-year-old Jack,
| “how much colder than you is father.”
“Just thirteen years.” replied the un-
suspecting parent.
“Well, mother.” seriously continued
the child, “the next time you marry,
don’t marry a man thirteen years older
than you. Don’t you know it is bad
luck ?’—Delineator. .
A Strong Pull.
Two men were having an argument
as to their respective strengths.
“Why,” said the first, “every morn-
ing before breakfast 1 get a bucket
and pull up ninety gallons from the
well.”
“That's nothing,” retorted the other.
“1 get a beat every morning and pul
up the river.”
A Doubtful Bag.
Salesman—Sorry we're quite out of
game, but I can recommend the sau-
sages.
Mr. Von Sharpeshooter—H'm, yes!
But the wife would not believe I shot
‘em.— London Half Holiday.
Assume in adversity a countenance
of prosperity and in prosperity moder-
ate thy temper.-—Livy.
to find a competent man to fill his
place and went back to Missouri.
A year or two passed, and one ‘day
Captain Russell, the commandant of
the post which Bridger had left, was
surprised te see the old scout heave
in sight. When he came in the cap-
tain asked:
“Well, Bridger, what brings you back
here?”
“Captain,” said Bridger, “I want to
go back to scouting again.”
“Indeed? Why, I thought you bad
settled down in the east for the rest of
your life!”
“Well, cap'n, I'll teil you how it is.
I went back to old Missouri, and if
you'll believe it they've got a railroad
station within ten mile o’ the old place
—yes, sir, a railroad station! And,
what's more, they've got a ranch now
in every four mile. I tell you what,
cap'n, the air ain't pure down there
no more!”
“Is that possible? But I thought
you'd like the good things to eat they
have down there, You like good things
to eat, I remember.”
“Good things to eat! Why, cap'n, I
didn’t have a br'iled beaver tafl the
whole time I was there!”
The First Cookbook.
To the Romans belong the honor of
having produced the first European
cookery book, and, though the author-
ship is uncertain, it is generally attrib-
uted to Caellus Apicus, who lived un-
der Trajan, 114 A. D. Here are two
recipes from this ancient collection:
“First, for a sauce to be eaten with
boiled fowl, put the following Ingred}-
ents into n mortar: Aniseed, dried mint
and lazer root. Cover them with vine-
gar, add dates and pour in liguamen
(a distilled liquor made from large fish
which were salted and allowed to turn
i putrid in the sun), ofl and a small
quantity of mustard seeds. Reduce all
! to a proper thickness with sweet wine
| warmed, and then pour this same over
your chicken, which should previously
be boiled In aniseed water.”
The second recipe shows the same
queer mixture of Ingredients: “Take
a wheelbarrow of rose leaves and
pound in a mortar; add to it brains of
two pigs and two thrushes boiled and
mixed with the chopped up yoke of
egg, oil, vinegar, pepper and wine.
Mix and pour these together and stew
them steadily and slowly till the per-
fume is developed.”—Chambers’ Jour-
nal,
Which Foot Walks Faster?
You may think this a very silly ques-
tion to ask, but it isn’t. It is a simple,
demonstrable fact, which you can
prove to your own satisfaction in a
very few minutes. If you will take a
pavement that is clear, so that there
will be no interference, and walk brisk-
| ly in the center, you will find that be-
| fore you have gone fifty yards you
{ have veered very much to one side.
| You must not make any effort, of
| course, to keep in the center, but if you
will think of something and endeavor
to walk naturally you cannot keep a
direct line. The explanation of this lies
in the propensity of one foot to walk
faster than the other, or cue leg takes a
longer stride than the other, causing
one to walk to one side. You can try
an experiment in this way by placing
two sticks about eight feet apart, then
stand off about sixty feet, blindfold
yourself and endeavor to walk between
them. You will find it almost impos-
sible,
Why Not Be an Egotist?
There is much mistaken sentiment as
to the sin of egotism. The fact is ego-
tism is not a sin. On the other hand,
it is somewhat of a virtue and an in-
dispensable element in all real prog-
ress. Some phases of egotism are un-
pleasant to the beholder and unfor-
tunate for the possessor, but if all of
self love, or, rather, the love of other
people's admiration and good will, were
to be extinguished there would be little
to hold society together and less to
give impetus to the great enterprises
which spring from individual thought
and culminate in personal profit.—Les-
lle’'s Weekly.
The Retort Courteous.
A lady passing through the negro
quarter in Mobile, Ala., heard an old
woman chanting a dirgelike tune.
“Auntie,” she observed, “that is a
mournful song you are singing.”
“Yassum,” was the response, “I
knows it's mo'nful, but by singin’ dat
song an’ 'tendin’ to my own business
I spects to git to heaben.”
His Luck.
“I have been engaged to at least a
dozen girls,” said a young man.
“And always been unlucky in love,
eh?’ inquired a lady.
“Oh, no—rather lucky!” was the an-
swer. “I've never married any of
them!”
An Order Not Obeyed.
An exasperated Irish sergeant, drill-
ing a squad of recruits, called to them
at last:
“Halt! Just come over here, all of
ve and look at yourselves. It's a fine
line ye're keepin’, isn't it?”
The Resemblance.
“I was always interested In airships’
and flying machines, so I bought a the-
ater.”
“Why did you do that?”
“A theater has wings and flies.”
All who have gardens know what a
pest the green fly, or aphis, becomes. It
seems to cover rose trees and other
plants like magic,