Bemarraic atch
Bellefonte, Pa., March 13, 1891.
A FANATIC.
Ayoung knight made his battle-cry—
“I'll ight the evil till I die !”
And forth he rushed, with heedless might,
To do his battle for the right. i
And recklessly he laid about.
And ruthlessly, and felt no doubt, |
But blindly struck what’er he saw
That seemed to him to have a flaw.
At lenghth a doubt-came to his mind :
He paused, and turned, and looked behind.
Alas! too late hesmnderstood
How deftqyumingles ill with good.
With swimming eye, with reeling brain,
He saw the good that he had slain.
Himself seemed evil to him now,
And then he thought upon his wow.
And, lo ! the warrior lay at rest,
With his own dagger in his breast !
— Lippincott Magazine.
HAVING HER OWN WAXY.
“But I don’t want to be rich!” eaid
Violet Howard. ‘I'm quite as rica as
I need be already. Whaat do I gaia by
another fiity thousaad dollars?”
Old Herodotus Howard stared at his
saucy grand-daughter as if she had
propouaded a piece of rank heresy—as
indeed it was.in system of eyery day
theology.
“Vielet, you are a fool,” said he,
harshly. ‘And it's lucky for you you
have a grandfather who can look after
your interest better than you seem able
to do yourself. Mr. Ericson is to be
here to-morrow afternoon. And you
will please’ with an ironical emphasis
on the word—*‘receive him as your fu-
ture husband!”
Violet opened wide her saucy browa
eyea.
“And what is to become of Oliver
Belton ?*7 she asked; demurely.
“Oliver Belton ie nothing to me!”
stormed her grandiather.g“Neither you
nor Oliver Belton thought it proper to
consult me before you wound up a boy
and girl love affair with a boy and
girl engagement: and I might long ago
have told yeu that Mr. Ericson had
honored you by a proposal! As it is,
you must take the consequences of
your own folly!”
And Mr. Howard strolled off down
the gardea path, to lock at his buds of
talips and jouguils.
Violets eyes followed her grandfath-
. er, with a mischievous twinkle in their
..hazel depths. ;
“Now [ wbnder!”she thought to her-
~gelfy “if grandpapa really thinks I am
going to tie myself for life to that old
fossil of a Caleb Ericson! To carry
Jhis slippers, pour his tea, listen to his
lectures upon the“movement cure,’ and
‘salt water bathing,’ for—uobody can
guess how many years! Not if I
know myselt to be really and truly
Violet Howard! Bat then, I've got
to.be very cautiovg, tor I know grand-
papa owes him a deal of money, and
poor grandpapa has been very kind to
me, even though he don't guite under-
stand how Oliver Belten and I feel to-
wara each other 1”
Violet sat dowa on the .farm-house
step, her cheek resting in one hand,
and pondered deeply.
What a pretty little ‘eabinet picture’
she would have made in the cool after-
noon sunshine, with theapple blessoms
showering their tiny plas shells all
around her on the gram, and the
doway, yeilow chickens peeping around
her for a morsel of meal or a bit of
crumbled bread. She was plump and
round and chubby herselt like the
chickens, and pink, like the apple
blossoms, and passing fair to look up-
on. Whoever Oliver Belton might
have been he was unquestionably a
gentleman of good taste.
Presently Violet rose up again and
went into the house, only stopping to
gather a cluster of cinnamon roses io
pin in her golden-brown hair as she
went,
“Dorcas!” said she, putting her face
into the kitchen, where the said anaid
-servant was chopping suet for an unc-
_tuous pudding: ;
Dorcas looked up, even her hard
‘countenance softening at the radiant
apparition of youth and beauty in her
homely kitchen world.
“Well, Miss Vi'let!”
“We shall commence to clean house
to-morrow.”
“To clean house! Miss Vi'let, aud
company coming.”
Violet's brows coatracted.
“Company ought te make no differ-
ence at a regular institution like this, |
Dorcas.”
“Bat it’s a full fortnight earlier than
ever we commenced afore,” remon-
strated Dorcas.
“I can’t help that,” said Violet
briskly, “can’t have the spring clean-
ing dragging half through the year,
“There's something in that,” said
Dorcas refleciively, “Bat what will
master say ?’’
“He needn't know it, Doreas, until
we've got the .carpets all up and the
Aloors all deluged with soap-suds. And
theu you see, Dorcas,” and the brown
eyes shown miscievously, “he can't
help himself”
Dorcas smiled grimly. Dorcas
White never had a lover a love affair
in all her six and fifty years of her
solitary life, but Dorcas had a woman's
instinct lying dormant within her
heart, and she evidently comprehended
the whole affair.
“Very well, Miss Vi'let,” she said.
And Violet went singing off to skim
the cream for tea.
_ Mr. Ericson came in the next even-
ing’s stage, complacently looking for-
ward to country air, country rest and
wife 1n the personality of Violet How-
ard.
Mr. Howard had.gone to the nearest
village that day onsome legal business
] and only contrived to meet his expect
| ed visitor at the very garden gate.
“Delighted to see you, I'm sure,”
said Mr, Howard, taking off his stove-
pipe hat and mopping his brow with a
spotless silk pocket handkerehief.
1 “Lovely spring weather we're having.
Yes, yes; walk in, walk in. Dorcas,
where's Miss Violet?"
Dorcas. who made her appearance
| with a visage as stony ‘as that of the
|Gorgons of old, and her head tied
{up in a towel, sat:down her pail and
| scrubbing brush.
“She 1s up-stair, sir, polishin’ the
back windys.”
“Polishing the ‘back windows! my
granddaughter !”
“Yes, sir, we're cleaning house, sir,”
chuckled Dorcas.
“The deuce you are!”
Mr. Howard's under jaw dropped.
He turned to his guest.
“There 18 no accounting for woman's
freaks,” said he, sourly.
“But I certainly told Violet you
were coming.”
“Don’t, I beg of you, let me interfere
with any of your household arrange
ments,” said Mr. Ericson, whose idea
of house-cleaning consisted of leaving
a dirty room in the morning, and com-
ing back to new curtains, fresh chair
covers and polished furniture at night.
You see our old bachelor had yet much
to learn.
Violet came to the tea-table, her
pretty face disfigured by a close cap, a
bib apron enveloping her figure in its
voluminous and curious .folds and a
pre-occupied air. There was nothing
to eat but bread and buuter, damaged
pickles and cold pork.
“Eh! How's this?” asked Mr,
Howard, surveying the board with a
disgusted air, “Is this the best you
have to set before us, Violet?”
“Grandpapa!” said Violet, with an
injured air, “you see I havesome ambi-
tion to become a good housekeeper—
and how can I clean house properly
and yet spend my whole time in the
kitchen? Besides, I for one don’t be-
lieve in indigestible dainties. If ever
I keep house I shall live on plain gra-
ham bread and simple cold water!”
Mc. Ericson, whe was rather fond of
harmless litle side dishes and salads,
jellies and creams, winced visibly.
Grandpapa Howard stared at the
saucy little girl in blank wonder.
After tea Mr. Ericson sat down to a
chat with Violet; but he had scarcely
spoken a sentence before she rose.
“Excuse me!” said she; “but I must
go and see that the carpets are brought
in from the grass and the white-wash
pails covered: Your room was white-
washed to-day, Mr. Ericson, and thor-
oughly scrubbed, I saw to it, my-
sel!”
“Eh?” gasped the elderly lover
thinking of his rheumatism and scia-
tica. ‘‘Possibly it might be a litle
damp—if—it any other apartment was
equally as couvenient—"
“The bedsteads are all down, and the
carpets all up!” interrupted Violet.
“You can either sleep there or in the
barn, which ever you choose !”’
Mr. Ericson looked rather digcomfit-
ed. Evidently the velvet kitten could
scratch, if she chose! And wasn't it
just possible that Violet Howard might
he a shrew?” Ie was no Petruchio
to attempt taming this Katherine—
and —
Just then Mr. Howard eame in, and
the old gentleman's reverie was cut
short.
He went yawning to his bedroom at
nine o'clock. Ii was rather stupid to
sit by the hight of a kerosene lamp
and listen to old Howard,s platitudes.
Vio'et came near him no more.
“Phe—e-w!"” said Mr. Ericson, look-
ing hopelessly at the wet floors, and
reeking walls of his room. ‘Sheets
damp, L'il bet a cookey! “My good
woman‘ to Dorcas, who was carrying
his lamp; “how often does your young
iady clean house ?”
“Four times a year, sir,” eaid Dor-
cas promptly, “and oftener, if she
thinks the house needs it. She'sa
dreadful smart housekeeper, is Miss
Violet.”
“Four times a year!” echoed Mr.
Ericson, in dismay. “Why a man’s
life would be scoured and serubbed and
steamed away from hin at this rate.”
He woke up at the first dawn of the
morning. stiff, sore, with aching pains
‘in every joint.
“Coufound house-cleaning he thought
as he contrived to draw his broadcloth
| €oat across the newly whitened wall,
thereby causing it to assume a resem-
lance to a miller’s blouse. I've had
enongh of it”!
He came down to a breakfast of
weak coffee, pickles and cold pork
again with a bag ready packed.
“You're not going to leave us, Eriec-
son?" cried his host.
“I—I find important business will
take me away this morning,” unblush-
ingly lied our wenerable hero. “And
look you here Howard—a word in
your ear—I find, on mature reflection,
that it would be very foolish for an old
codger like myself to think of allying
myself, to your — ahem —charming
granddaughter. May and November,
eh ? and all that sort of thing? She'll
be a great deal happier with some one
nearer her own age. And,” speaking
very fast to anticipate the opposition
he saw in Mr. Herodotus Howard's
face, “about that trifle of money be-
tween us, we'll ery quits. What does
a few dollars signify between friends ?”’
Take it as a wedding present to Miss
Violet, whenever she finds seme one to
take my place. Ha! ha! ha)”
And away went Mr. Ericson.
Violet Howard did not wastea single
tear over her recreant lover. She
country delicacies, after his long dusty
Journey. He was a portly, well-pre- |
served old gentleman, with a bald head
a dyed mustache and a set of expensive |
false teeth, who considered that, as |
money had bought pretty much every-
thing else in this world for him,
it might wind up matters by pur-'
chasing g pretty eighteen-year-old
went merrily on with the spring
cleaning, And when the annnal cere-
monial was over she married—Oliver
Belton! It was very singular how
Violet Howard always contrived to
have her own way. :
EN
——Hoop earrings are again asserting
themselves, *
BABIES OF THE FUTURE.
When woman’s rights have come to stay,
Oh, who will rock the cradle 2—N. Y¥ Sun.
“When woman's rights have came to stay”
(And Heaven speed the blessed day !)
No cradles will there be, nor toys,
Nor anything that now employs
The minds of infant girls and boys.
So scholarly will be our wives,
So sternly studious their lives,
No crying babe will then be known,
Instead, we'll cherish as our own
A race of gnomes with whiskers grown.
Too young to work, too old to play—
Watch over them, O Lord, we pray ;
Protect them from the darts of sin,
And till their motners shall begin,
From dirt without and croup within.
— Milwaukee Seutins’.
A Counterfeiter’s Mania.
Spending Weeks in Making a Twenty
Dollar Note With Pen and Ink.
“This is the most remarkable piece
of counterfeit money I ever came
across,” said an agent of the Treasury
Department Secret Service recently,
rawing froma big wallet what to all
appearances was an ordinary tweaty-
dollar bill. The agent or operative, as
such men are called in official docu-
ments, handed over the money to the
reporter, who, on looking at it closely,
was unable to make up his mined posi-
tively that the note was counterfeit.
The officer then handed him a good
bill, and the resemblance between the
two was remarkable,
“This one,” continued the Secret
Service man, pointing to the one he
had pulled from his wallet first, “was
made entirely by hand with pen and
ink. The man who made it must be a
monomaniac on the subject. It must
have taken weeks to make the bill.
Certainly the man spent mach more
time on it than it would have taken to
earn the money honestly. Every one
of these lines had to be made with a
pen, and the fellow has a most remark-
able artistic skill.”
A close examination of a note [made
in the Government Printing Office
shows how faithfully the counterfeiter
has copied every detail of the design of
the engraver.
“The maker of this bill issues one of
them at long intervals, so that he can-
not depend on his counterfeiting for a
living. I feel sure, therefore, that he
takes so much pleasure in outwitting
the Government officials that he will
spend time that ought to be worth sev-
eral hundred dollars to him in making
one paltry twenty dollar bill.
“No, I don’t suppcse that there is
much chance of capturing him; be-
cause he utters so few of the spurious
notes. At the same time it is entirely
possible that we will be able to trace
the next one back to him. It is likely
as not that hes a man who holds a
respectable place in his community,
and that his arrest would cause a sen-
sation.”
The Secret Servtce man had just re-
turned from a long trip in the west,and
as the result of his labors, exhibited
thirty piec.s of counterfeit money, no
two of them alike. One of the clever-
est of the lot was a one dollar bill
which had been raised to ten. The
Secret Service officers are haying much
trouble just now with counterfeiters,
who are pouring out spurious silver
do:lars in large numbers. The coins
are supposed by officers of the Govern-
ment to be made by Italians. Just
why they believe persons of that na-
tionality are the guilty ones they will
not say. The dollars are ‘admirably
executed mechanically; having a good
milled edge and the fizures being clear
and sharp. The coin is exceedingly
deceptive, because it has such an excel-
lent ring, for most people drop a coin
on the table when they wish to satisfy
themselves that it is good. Theone
defect of the counterfeit dollar is its
lightness, which is about 10 per cent.
The coin is made chiefly of tin and
antimony.
The Queen's Rebuke.
A fact but little known is that be-
sides Lord Kinsale and Lord Forester,
there 1s another individual who has the
prerogative of remaining covered in the
prasence of the British sovereign —name-
ly, the Master of L'rinity College, Cam-
bridze. Anent this a curiou: anecdote
has been narrated : A superstition pre-
vails concerning the necessity for exer-
cising the right or losing it altogether,
so when on a certain occasion the Queen
visited Cimbiidgs University, thethen
well-known and highly popular Master
of Trinity kept his hat on during the
proceedings, The Queen apparently
did not notice the circumstance, and the
Master began to feel uncomfortable. At
length, just as her majesty was about to
depart, he deferentially approached and
suid: “Your Majesty has perh-1ps won-
dered that I should appear so far want-
ing in respect as to keep my hat on all
day, but—er perhaps it has escaped
your Majesty’s memory that Lord Kin-
suie in Ireland, Lord Forester in Eng-
land and also the Master of Trinity have
a right to keep their hats on in the pre-
sence of their Sovereign.” “Quite so—
ahem—but not in the presence of a
lady !” was the freezing rejoinder.—
Philadelphia Record.
A FeMALE CorNET BanNDp.—Lake
Maitland, in Orange county, Fla. claims
to have the only complete female cor-
net band in the South, and although it
is a purely social organization, com pos-
ed of the most beautiful and accomplish-
ed young ladies of that delightful win-
ter resort, the playing of the young la-
dies is of the highest merit. There are
thirteen young ladies and two gentle-
men in the band. Ben. J. Taliaferrc,
an Atlanta musician of great versatility,
is the leader, and Jere. Townsend, also
a Georgian, plays the tuba. Miss Bess
Hingerford on the cornet, and Miss
Simmons on the baritone, handle their
instruments like old bandmen while
playing.—Atlanta Ga., Journal.
RIE.
~——The Chinese are coming along.
Two of them watched with delight the |
futile efforts of a stout man to catch a
Ninth street cable car ; and one turning |
to the other exclaimed, with child like
deligh : “Man not in it. Sabbe ?"
A Business Woman, Indeed.
Mrs. Lorrata J. Beard, ot Montana,
who has a Mexican Government con-
cession for a railroad 262 miles loag
from Tucson, Ari,, to Lobos, Mexico,
showed to a World reporter in her of:
fice, at 401° Broadway, papers which
indicate her heavy. interest in various
other enterprises. She is negotiating
with capitalists of Munich, Bavaria, to
develop an onyx quarry in Arizona.
She has placed on the London Ex-
change six silver mines located in Ari-
zona and Mexico which belonged to
the late G. L. Morse. She is interest
ed in a scheme for the development of
Lower California and for the raising of
coffee on land there, when it is made
possible to ship the product by rsilroad
connections; she has a concession
from the government of Honduras for
a canal from Truxillo Bay to the Rio
Agauni, to open up the United States
market for tropical fruits and precious
metals; she holds a Mexican conces-
sion for a steamship line from the Gulf
of California to Vancouver, B. C., and
has a ‘free contenental trade” bill
which will be introduced in Congress,
which Senator “Joe” Blackburn, of
Kentucky, is said to have promised to
support.
Mrs. Beard, is the wife of Colonel
Beard, of Montana. She is about forty-
five years old, a native of Havana, and
a daughter of Joaquin A. Velasquez,
a General in the Mexican army. She
owns estates in Central America ag-
gregating 24,000 acres, along with
railway and steamship and mining in-
terests, and attends closely to business,
though she manages to find time for
home life and to care attentively for a
three-year-old son, of whom she is very
fond.—New York World.
Humpy Came Up,
“Boys, what's the meaning of that
crowd down there?” he asked, as he
pointed down Congress street.
“Awful time down there,” was the
reply.
“But what was it?”
“You know Jerkey the boot black ?"’
No.”
“Know Humpy, the newsboy ?”
“No.”
“Well, you know, Jerkey was sittin’
on the hydrant eatin’ an apple, when
Humpy cam up and—
“Oh, it was only a quarrel between
boys? Funny why such a thing
should draw a crowd.”
“Only a quarrel! What ar’ ye giv-
in’ me! Quarrel! Didn't Huwmpy
git inftwo square knock-downs before
the copper got there, and didn’t Jerkey
reach out with his right and get in a
blow over the heart which is goin’ to
keep the other fellow in bed for iwo
weeks? Wonder to me that the crowd
don’t namber 10,000, It’s the scien-
tifickedest mill we have had in a
year."
Not His Lookout.
A horse attached to a wagon loaded
with light wood was slipping and syrawl-
ing along State street in the heavy frost
of Saturday morning, when a policeman
halted the rig and suid to the colored
driver:
“Your horse hasn’t got a shoe on any
foot
“No, sah. He's jist like de Lawd
dun made him.”
‘But how do you expect he’s to get
along in this frost ?”’
“Dat’s not my bizness, sah. If de
Lawd makes a hoss widout shoes an’ den
brings a frost to make him slip down, it
hain’t fur me to find fault. Reckon
dar’s an objeck in it, an’ it’s a good un.
Hey, Douglass—hole yer head up
higher!”
SMALL PAY For MANY GIRLS.—The
average wages of 150,000 ill fated work-
ing girls of New York is 60 cents a day,
and that ineludes the income of the
stylish cashiers who get $2 a day as well
as the unfortunate girls who receive 30
cents a day in the east side factories and
shops. The lot of the average saleswo-
man who has not the help and shelter
that parents or a married brother or sis-
ter could share is hard indeed. One
has only to look into the pale, pinched
faces of these poor girls to know that
thousands of them are actually starving
to death. And that, too in New York.
—New York World.
A LirtLE BRIEF AUTHORITY.—Mr.
N. Peck—Where’s your mother, John-
ny.
Johnny--Dunno.
where.
Mr. N. Peck—And you are sure she
is not at home ?
Johnny—Yas.
Mr. N. Peck—Come here to me, you
impudent young rascal. You want to
suy “sir” when you talk to me. I'll
show who is boss in this house—for a
little while, anyhow. — Indianapolis
Journal.
She's out some-
—— A child whose life was insured
in an Allentown, Pa., company died a
few days ago. While the little one lay
cold in death its father and a friend
went to Allentown to collect the insur
ance money. They received the mon
ey and spent it all for whisky, so that
they returned home penniless. Money
had to be borrowed to pay the ex:
penses of the funeral.
——A tragic incident ‘occurred in
the court at Hawpburz, Germany. on
Monday. Two Socialists where order-
ed to appear before the magistrate to
answer charges of blasphemy, preferred
by the public prosecutor. Although
suffering from acute influenza, they
obeyed the summons, and while listen-
ing to the evidence against them they’
both suddenly expired.
that a cyclone carried your house away,”
“Well, I lost the house,” replied the
Kansan, “but I don’t blame it altogeth- '
er on the cyclone.’
“No?
“You see I was fool enough to put
wings on the building.”
A Peculiar Pebble.
There is now on exhibition at the
Woman's Exchange a most wonderful
little pebble. At first sight it looks to
be only asmall fragment of red lime
stone. As a matter of fact, that’s what
it is,but itis a peculiar fragment. When
you held it a certain angle with your
eye, a man’s face is seen, perfect in every
feature even down to the mustache. It
isa face of great strength, but such an
exceptionally sad one, that, as somebody
who looked at it the other day declared,
“it might almost be taken as the embodi-
ment of the three S's—Serrow, Sacri-
fice and Suffering.”
The pebble was picked up in 1880 by
Mrs. Becon on the summit of the Ko-
felspitze, a mountain overhanging the
village of Oberammergau, whereshe had
been to see the Passion Play. She slip-
ped the pebble into her pocket with
several others, and upon her return to
her home in Atlanta, Ga., she placed it
in her private collection with various
other mementues of her tour. About
two years ago the collection was burned,
but the pebble escaped destruction.
Afterward, when going through the
ruins of her treasures, while holding the
little pebble at a certain angle she receiv-
ed the face for the first time. The peb-
ble has created a great deal of interest,
and has been seen and carefully examin-
ed by a great many wise men, learned
in rocks.— New York Sun.
Influence of a Simple Invention.
One cannot always tell, until after the
event, on what apparently insignificant
act his whole future hinges. Dr. Cyrus
Hamlin, president of Middlebury col-
lege in Vermont, and formerly of Maine
in a recent address at Woodtord’s said
his life depended on the making of a
screw. When at Bowdoin colleze in
1832 he made a brass screw for Profes-
sor Smith’s theodolite, and that led to
his making a steam engine, the first one
built in Maine.
He had never seen one in all his life
but he asked the professor if he thought
he could sell an engine, if he could make
one, for as as much as he could earn by
teaching in the vacation. The profes-
sor thought he could, he had made the
screw so perfectly. So he went to Port-
land ; and went to work in a clockmak-
ing establishment. At the end of ten
weeks vacation the engine was com-
pleted, and sold to Bowdoin college for
$175. He could have but $40 teaching.
The price of the engine was sufficient to
pay a year’s expenses at Bowdooin in
those days.
Where Theartical Interests Clashed.
The theatrical caterer has often to con-
tend with outside influences over which
he has no control, resutling in scanty
audiences, or it may be no audience at
all. The manager of the old Bower sa-
loon meeting a friend one day near the
Horse Guards, the latter inquired how
he was getting on. “Oh, we live, sir,
we live,” was the reply. “Well, I must
be off,’ said his friend, “1’'m in a hurry
to see about seats at the Italian opera
next week.” ¢“ What exclaimed the Bow -
er manager “does the Italian opera op-
en next week ? I'm very sorry to hear
it:”” Why, what can it matter to you ?”’
cried the other. “Surely you don’t
imagine that the opera performances
will clash with yours?’ “Won't it,
though 2” wag the answer. “My audi-
ence won't be inside Her Majesty's, but
they will all be there—picking pock-
ets!” and shaking hands, the dismayed
manager went sadly on his way.
To Circumvent ‘he Sampler.
An effective method of reducing loss-
es from sampling, and at the same timo
allowing goods to be seen by customers,
has been adopted by many retail grocers.
B.xes about the height of a barrel, and
of similar capacity, are constructed of
bard wood, with a hinged glass cover.
The contents can be asily seen, owing to
the fact that the covers slope downward
from the back about thirty degrees, and
can be removed ws expeditiously as
from an ordinary barrel. Only the
most impudent sampler would dream of
lifting the covers to get at the goods
hence the saving in the course of a year
must amount to a considerable sum in
stores where the huziness is large.
ma ———
A Joke on the Mind-Reader.
Cholly Slimleigh--I don’t believe in
mind-weadehs, you know.
Misss Alert —I suppose they could do
anything.
Slimleigh—They’re all fwauds, all
fwauds. We had one at the club last
night, ye know, and he tried to weal
my mind. Made a failure of it--total
failare. Had to give it up.
Miss Alert—don’t you think the joke
was cruel.
Slimleigh--There wasn’t any joke
about it, I assuah you. He twied and
twied and couldn’t make anything out
of it. But we tweated him well--gave
him all the cigawettes he would smoke
and told him we didn’t doubt his ability
to wead ohdina/y minds, you know, to
make him feel comfortable.
Miss Alert—Poor fellow !
REFERRED TOP A.—Lovely Daughter
—Pa, Mr. Nicefellow proposed to me
last night, and I referred him to you.
Pa— Well, I really don’t know much
about the young msn, and T’ll have
to—
Daughter--When he calls to see you
about it, you are to receive him kinaly
—real fatherly, remember—and help
him along all you can, until he asks for
my hand and then you are to look alarm-
ed, and talk about what an angel I am,
and how many millionaires and dukes
and princes I've refused ; and then you
are to reluctantly consent and give him
your blessing.
Oh, I. am, am 17
don’t, then what 7”?
“I'll marry him anyhow.”
But suppose I
CoMFrorTs OF TRAVEL. —Professional
ETRE | Guide (to palace car porter)—1I have an
Winp AND Winags.--“I understand !
English lord in charge and I want him
| to get a good impression of the comforts
said a Chicago man to a Kansas friend. |
of travel in this Here's five
dollars.
Porter— Yes, eah.
county.
Do you want me
to gib him extra attention, sah?
Guide- -Great Scott, no! I want
you to keep away from him.— New York
Weekly.
Long-Lived Indians.
Monterey County is becoming famous
the world over for the remarkable long-
evity of some of its aboriginal inhabit-
tants. A few months ago the Index gave
an account of the life of old Gabriel, who
was 151 years old when he died the 16th
of March last. Old Gabriel's son, Zach-
ariah, by his third wife, live 114 years.
Then there was Casiano, who died a few
years ago aged 136. Another Indian,
named Lauriana, died at the county
hospital some four years ago at the age of
110 years. These are all well autbenti-
cated cases. Now comes an old native
woman known as Mrs, Olaria, who
claims that she was twelve years of age
at the time of the building of the Carmel
Mission in 1772, which would make her
130 years old at the present time. The
ancient lady lives with relatives over on
the Carmel, and has retained her mental
strength and physical vigor in a remark-
abl degree.-—Salinas Cal. Index.
A EASY
Easter This Year.
Easter will, this year, come at the
earliesi date it has since 1838, on March
29. With the exception of 1894 this
will be the only coming March Easter in
the present century, and in 1894 Easter
comes on March 25, within three days
of its earliest possible coming. The 22d
of March, 1818, was Easter day and that
was the only time it has fallen at that,
its earliest date, in this century. Its
latest date, April 25, was reached only
vnce this century, in 1886 and will not
occur again therein. There have been
only two Easters in the century falling
on March 29, so far—in 1807 and 812.
SE
Knew One Tune.
Some persons have an ear for music
and others have not. Gen. Grant used
to say that he knew two tunes ; one was
“Yankee Doodle and the other wasn’t,
One night not long ago Mr. Homer Lee
sat. at a banquet table in the Hotel
Brunswick. A muscular and indus-
trious orchestra was struggling manfully
with “The Last Rose of summer.” Mr.
Lee listened with evident enjoyment for
some sec: nds and then exclaimed: ‘¢Ah,
that is a sweet air. TI always did enjoy
‘Away Down Upon the Suawnee
River.’ »
Be ——
Rica MEN'S BRAINS. — Omaha Law-
yer—I have just heard of the death of
your uncle, whom you knew was an old
client of mine.
Nephew--Uncle’s dead, eh. Smart
man that uncle of mine. Started on
nothing and made million after million
without half trying. :
“Yes, he was a smart man, there is no
doubt of that.”
“Smartest mar I ever knew. Saw
him only afew months ago and his
brain was as quick as a stell trap, old as
he was. You have charge of his will, I
believe.”
“Yes ; he left all his money to orphan
asylums.”
“He did ? That will wontstand. He’s
been a nalf idiot these twenty years,”
——————————
Two bright Chicago women,
Isahella A. Wylie and Elizabeth A.
Govgar,have formed a novel firm. They
took the money earned by school-teach-
ing, united their capital, and opened an
office nt 108 Dearborn street, under the
firm name of Wylie & Gougar. Here
they deal in real estate, loans and rent-
ing. The Chicago Post say they al-
ready have more business than they ean
attend to. Their customers are largely
school-teachers.
———
Notwithstanding the fact that
the late Admiral Porter leit an estate
of over $300,000 and has for twenty
years enjoyed a salary of $13,000 for
doing nothing, his widow is a lady
hooked for a pension of $2,500. The
feature of our pension system, by spe-
cial act, is the granting of large ypen-
sions to the wealthy widows of deceas-
ed officers, who in their lifetime were
the recipients of liberal official incomes.
Dipx'r Kxow Ancur Ir.--Fogg—
Fenderson is a curious chap. Good
opinion of himself, you know, in spite
of his cephalic faculty. I happened to
say, the other day. ‘“there’s nothing
perfect in the world.”
Brown—And what did Fenderson
say ?
Fogg--He started up as though some-
body had struck him. “I don’t know
about that ; said he, I don’t know about
that.”
WHAT SHE WAS ASHAMED OF. —A
little girl who lives on Columbus
heights has a very stubborn will. She
was recently punished with some sever-
ity, and when the chastisement was over
her mother said :
“Now, arn’t you ashamad 2”
*Yes'm.”
“What are vou ashamed of 7”?
“Of you,” was the prompt and im.
pertinent reply.
Bur Teey DipN’r.-John Hays, a
Nebraska youth, receiied 460 letters
from his girl, and she received 470 from
him." Each one wrote on every letter,
“Burn this after reading,” but both took
great care not to do anything of the sort.
If you want a woman to save your love
letters just let her think vou want them
burned.— Detroit Free Press.
AWESTRUCF VIsiTor—It must Le
very difficult to produce such an exquis-
ite work of art.
Von Dauber—Nonesense !| Almost
anybody can paint a ji:ture, but finding
a sucker to buy it atterit is painted is
where the art comes in.
——Those suburban bluebirds had
rd flannel around their throat this
morning, and were all singing “From
Greenland's icy mountains.”’—Boston
Transcript.
Rev, William H. Ryder has
, caused a sensation at Gloucester, Mass.,
| be attacking the bai monojly from
, the Universalist pulplt a second time.
| ——Mr. Parnell will make a great
mistake if he comes to the United
“tates for political funds. We will
| bave considerable politics of our own to
pay for within the next year or two.