The Democratic Watchamn.
BELLEFONT E, PA
WHERE ARE THE FRIENDS OF MY
YOUTH ?
In moods sentimental we're apt to ask ques
tions
That were bent left unasked, If I must tell
the truth;
♦nd come time ago, In n flush of emotion,
I scribbled a poem on •'Friend% of my
Youth."
"Oh, where are the Friends of my Youth?"
wan the title,
Of lines I thought tender, and touching, and
terse;
'Twas all very well, but I rather regret It--
That bursting Into Interrogative verse.
You'll nee what I mean If you Helen a mo.
ment—
A nice set of creatures they turned out, for
sooth;
The next time I gush out in noctie rapture,
I'll not tie en anxious roneerning my youth.
The lettere that rowelled inn were simply as
tounding ;
They seemed to pour in from the earth's
distant ends,
Convoying the tidings I'd rashly requested—
The doings of early and Intimate friends
John Smith wrote to say he wan Jutit then in
prison,
(1 couldn't nee him at that moment, 'twas
plain,)
And Jones, who, in youth, had a turn for the
drama,
Was gallery "checker" at old Drury Lane;
And Brown * y ho, air boyhood, won such a wild
(I often had trouble to keep him in bounds,)
He dropped me a line, with apologies many,
To know if I'd lend him a could° of pounds
Young Aaron, who had a bend In his probos
cis,
(We lads looked him up when a trifle) was
lent)
Down Whiteehopel nay, Is n Haring pawnhro.
km,
And lends out Ida money at slaty per cent
And young Thomas Tompklll4 had turned out
quite horsey,
I mind nm he talked of the turf and Its
ways,
And Green, who we thought would turn out to
he 11111114,
Was starring about on the -113 ing trapeze:"
And Himpkinie--poor dolt—who WWI no mot of
triclown in n eirenswar mowthig his life,
And big Itilly Itowlea, whom we mind to rail
"Cupid,"
Ilad bolted la.nt summer with nomebaly's
Wife
But why go on further? 'Tie hut an attlietion,
&tett name. it turned a presented • Mtn,
J think, nit the whole, you'll Join In the con'
rietion
The riende of my Youth" were a rather
bail lot.
THE BLACK RAVEN
Among the lofty Carpathians, where
they mirror their stern and solemn
beauty in the clear watery of the
Wasp, linked together in a long chain,
like the giant guardians of the fair val.
ley at their feet, may be seen a detach
ed and sterile ruck, almost inaccessi
ble, totally devoid of vegetation, and
laved by the rapid river, which hurries
from beneath its heavy shadows to
dance again in brightness In the sun•
light he) ond.
The Count Stibor was as brave as he
was highborn, and riches hail poured
in upon him until he had become one
of the wealthiest nobles in the empire.
It chanced that one day he hunted
with a great retinue among the moon
tain fustnessess; and glorious wits the
sport or that gallant hunt The light
footed chamois, the antlered deer, the
fierc e wolf, and the grizzly hear were
alike laid low i when, as the situ was
about to set, he formed his temporary
encampment on the pleasant bank of
the Waag, just where, on the oppo.
site side of the channel, the lone and
precipitous rock we have described
turned aside the glancing waters.'
The heart of Stibor was merry, for
the sport had gone well throughout the
day; and when his rude tents were
raised,' he savory steam of the venison,
and the sparkles of the wine cop,
brightened his humor, and he listened
with a smile upon his lips to the light
rallies of the Joyous company, as they
talked user their fortunes in the chase
'llear me,' maid the magnificent no
ble, during a traiimient pause in the
conversation. seem to he the only
hunter of the day to whom the mport
has beet' without a blemish. It is true
that al{ your misfortunes are light
enough ; but I will have no shadow
cast upon In} own joy; and, therefore,
to compensate to you for theme alleged
misligya, each of you is free to form a
wish, and if it be within my power to
giant it, I pledge my knightly word
that it shall he fulfilled.'
A murmur of admiration ran
through the astonished circle, and the
work of ambition soon began. Gold
was the first thing asked for—for aver
ice is ever the moat greedy of all pas
sions; and then revenge upon an ene
my—for human nature will often sac
rifice personal gain to vengeance ; and
then power—authority—rule over their
feilow•men ; the darling occupation
and privilege of poor, weak, self•mis•
judging mortals. In short, there was
no boon with the reach ofreason which
had not been asked and promised,when
the eye of Stibor fell upon his jester,
who was standing apart playing with
the tassels of his vest, apparently un•
interested in the subject which had
mad* all around hint eager and excit
ed.
'And then, knave,' said the noble,
'bast thou nothing to ask 1 Thou
must bestir thyself, or thy master will
have little left to give.' s
'Fear not, fear not,' replied the fool ;
'the claimants have been courteous,
for they have not touched upon that
portion of thy possession which I cov•
et They have demanded gold, tblood,
ddmlnioo; the power to enjoy (Atm
selves, and to render others wretched ;
they are welcome to all they want. I
only ask fbr stones.'
A loud laugh ran through the cir-
"'Stones, Betzko P echoed the aston
ished Stibor. 'Thou shalt have them
to thy heart's content; where and in
whet shape thou wilt.'
1 1 take thee at thy word, Count Sli
b9r. 1 will have them yonder, on the
caw of the bold rock that stands out
like a braggrat daring the foot of man;
aad is the shape of a good castle, in
which I may hold my own, if need be,'
was the unlooked.for reply.
'Thou haat lost thy chance, Betz
*2l' cried a voice, ittnid the universal
merriment that ensued. 'Not even
Stibor can accomplish thy desire.'
'Who dares to say that Stibor can
not grant it, if such be hie will I' de
manded the chieftain, in a voice of
thunder, as be rose proudly from the
earth, where he had been seated on a
couch of skins. 'The castle of Betzko
shall be built I'
And it was built, and within a year
a teatival was held there; and the no
ble became enamored of his own crea
tion,for it was beautiful in its strength,
and the fair dames admired its court
ly halls as much as the warriors prix /
ed its stolid walls and its commanding
towers. And thus Count Stibor bought
off the rock fortress from his jester
with gold, and made it the chief place
of his abode ; and he feated there with
his guests, and made merry with nine
is and dances,until it seemed as though
life was to be for him one long festival.
Men often walk over the spot which
afterward opens to bury them.
Little by little the habit of self-in
dulgence grew upon the luxurious no
ble; yet still he loved the chase beyond
all else on earth, and hie dogs were of
the fleetest and finest breed.
Ile was one day at the table, "sur
rounded by the richest viands and the
rarest wines, when one of his favorite
hounds entered the hall, howling with
pain, and dragging after him hiS
wounded font, which drooped blood as
he moved along: Terror seized upon
the hearts of the vessels even before
the rage of their lord burst forth ; and
when it came, terrible was the storm
as he vowed vengeance against the
wretch who had dared thus to mutilate
an animal that he valued.
An aged slave flung himself at his
feet. 'Mercy, my lord he exclaimed,
piteously. 'I have served you faith
fully for years; my beard is gray with
time,and my life has been one of hard
ship. Have mercy on me, for he flew
upon me, and would have torn me, Ii ad
I not defended myself against his fury.
I might have destroyed him, but I
sought only to preserve myself. (lave
mercy upon my weakness I'
The angry chieftain, however, heed
ed not the anguish of his gray hairs;
and pointing to a low balcony which
extended across the window of the
apartment and hung over the precipice,
he commanded that the wretched old
man should be flung from thence into
the river which flowed beneath, as an
example to those caitiffs who yeued
their own worthless lives above those
of his noble hounds.
A 8 the miserable tools of an imperi
ous will were dragging the unhappy
victim to his fate, be raised his voice,
and cursed the tyrant whom they sery
ell; and, having done so, he summon
ed biro io appear at the tribunal which
none can escape, to answer for this his
last crime on its first anniversary. But
the powerful chief heeded not his
words.
'Away with hint I' he said, sternly,
as he lifted his goblet to his lips; and
there was a struggle, a shriek of
agony, and then a .splash upon the
river wave, end all was silent.
A year went by in festival and pride,
and thekJay on which that monstrous
crime hall been committed returned un
heeded. There was a least in the cas
tie ; arid Stibor, who month after
gase R i medd(' up yet more to
selt•indulgence, gradually became
heavy with wine, and his attendants
carried him to a couch beside the Hanle
window whence the unfortunate slave
had been hurled twelve months before.
The guests drank on for a time, arid
11111de merry at the insensibility and
helpleshness of their powerful host ;
and then they departed, each to his till
1.111001 or his pleasure, and left him
there alone.
The casement had been flung back
to admit the air freely into the heated
apartment, arid the last reveller had
scarcely departed when a raven—the
sombre messenger of Nemesia---flew
thrice round the battlements of thecas.
tle, and then alighted on the balcony.
Several i f the guests nullified their idle
ness by watching the evolutions of the
ill omened bird ; but once having lost
sight of it, they turned away and
thought of it no more.
Meanwhile, a work of agony and
death had been delegated to that dark
winged messenger. it rested but an
instant from its flight ere once more
it hovered over the couch of the ales',
trig Stibor ; arid then, darting down,
its Ming, beak penetrated at one
thrust from his eye into hie brain.
The agony awoke birn,but lie awoke
only to madriese from its extent. He
reeled to and fro, venting imprecations
to which none were by to listen, and
writhed until Ilia tormented body
was one convulsion. At length, by a
flighty effort, striving to accomplish
he knew not what, lie hurled himself
over the balcony, at the self-same spot
where the slave had been flung by his
own command; and as he fell, the
clear waters of the Waag for a time re
sisted the impure burthen, and threw
him back shrieking and howling from
their depths.
But he sank at last; and when hie
parasites sought him on the morrow,
they found only the couch on which
he had lain, and a few drops of blood
to hint that he had died a death of vio
lence and vengeance.
They searched for him carefully on
all sides; and then, when they were
quite assured that he had passed away
never to return, whispers grew of the
gray haired slave, and the mysterious
raven ; until, by degrees, the fate of
the famous Stibor was fashioned into
form, and grew into a legend through
out the, country, scaring the village
maiden fin her twilight walk, and the
lone shepherd in his watch upon the
h ills.
—An Indian schoolmaster lifted a
boy by the ear. That reminded the
boy of something he had in his pocket.
It was a knife, which Lein; of no wee
in hie pocket, be stuck it into the
schnollnaster's side. The schoolmas
ter's heart was so much affected by the
cutting4egkinder that he at once gave
ear to that ho`y, and has never lifted
any little boys since.
The Devil or the Ku-Klux In Berke
County.
It seems from the following, that
the old gentleman, or some of his fam
ily, has made his ttppdarnnoe in our
neighboring county of Berks. He
stops. for Old present, at Reuben Leib
imsperger's domicile, in Maxatawny
township. A correspondent of the
Reading Gazelle gives the following
account of his proceedings:
Before arriving there, when wai:
sight, we could see the excited and
eager crowds pouring in from all direc
tions, while hundreda, were already on
the ground. Several omnibuases were
running from Kutztown, and the roads
were lined with pedestrians and con
veyances. Arriving, I first saw feath
erbeds, bolsters, chaff bags, clothing
and furniture strewn all over the yard
having been slightly damaged by' fire.
Pressing through the crowd, I centered
the ill-fated dwelling, which is of mod
ern -design mid ordrnary dimensions,
when a sad scene presented itself to my
view. In a room on the left I found a
silk dress, apparently new, most singu
larly ripped in_ the skirt at several
places, also ten yards of calico, recent
ly purchased and intended for a dress
for Mr. L.'s oldest daughter, which
wits ripped through the middle of the
entire piece. Next I was conducted
into the parlor, where I found an al
bunt containing quite a number of
photographs, some of which %%ere torn
in half.
The glasses of the daguerreotypes
were broken in small pieces, while the
cases were apparently untouched. I
then ascended the stairway to the sec
ond story, where I found the contents
of a bureau burned to a crisp, and the
chaff of the bell tick lying on the floor,
and not so much as singed by the fire.
From thence I descended to the cellar,
where I was shown Some half a dozen
molasses cakes with the tops all torn
olf, and the pies appeared as though
a human hand had grabbed them in
the centre, and a roll of about flee
pounds of butter presenting a similar
appeararice. From thence I went to
the garden, where 1 found the flowers
pulled up anti the vegetation nearly all
strewed on the ground. I then had an
interview with Mrs. L., the matron of
the house, who made this statement:
'I had felt uneasy for some time past,
an impression being on my mind that
all wits riot well. Some things about
the house were missing, but not till
this morning did I realize that all was
not an idle dream. Before retiring
last evening, my girl who was reading
several hooks, laid them on the table
in the parlor, and on rising this morn
ing she could not find them, and upon
searching, found them in the yard
back of the house. We arose in the
morning as usual, our family taking
breakfast rather early to attend a tune
ral i i Longawamp township. My
hired girl, as usual, cleared off the
table and put the things in the pantry
in the cellar. After her second return
therefrom she was alarmed, stating to
me that some one had shockingly
mangled our baked victuals. We
then churned butter, which we placed
in a cedar vessel in the cellar, and on
returning found it put in different
shapes to that in which we had lea it,
and all the milk in the cellar, some
eight crocks, spilled and klie crocks
turned over. This was about nine
o'clock. I went up stairs and found
everything in our spare room turned
upside down, and the carpets on the
ti nor all rat clef up. Al about noon
tire V 1 as noticed on the floor in one of
the lower rooms I gave the alarm,
but the girl and myself quenched it
with water and by stamping. I had
occasion to go up awry where I found
fire in the drawer of our dressing
bureau, in the bed room, when the
alarm was given and assistance came-
This was put nut with water after
having destroyed the contents of the
bureau. Soon there was fire in anoth
er room, anti so we continued until we
had put out the fire in five rooms. 1
then dispatched a messenger for my
husband. By the time he arrived
quite a number of the neighbors were
at hand to aiisist. me. Looking in the
garden I saw the destruction to vege
tation there.'
The affair is a profound mystery, as
there were no strangers on or about
(lie premises for a fortnight past, and
how it was possible that fire and this
destruction of property could have
happened in the manner and form it
did, no one knows, as the family is
morally and religiously one of the
most prominent in the community ;
and he who doubts the statements I
have made need only visit the place
and find the facts as herein described
and set forth. I cannot help but look
upon the sad scene and distracted fain
ily with compassion. Mr. Leibene
verger, of whom we have said so much,
is a farmer. I shall await further de
velopments and you shall hear from
me again.
NRWSPAPICRI.—An exchange makes
the inquiry: If a young lady wished
a young gentleman to kiss her, what
papers would she mention T No Spec
tators, po Observers, but as many
Times as you like.
We wish lo add that she would like
it done with Dispatch, no Register or
Journal' kept of it, and for him not to
Herald it, or mention it to a Recorder,
nor Chronicle it abroad. Her lips
should be the only Repository, and the
Sun should be excluded as much as
possible. Should a Messenger get it,
the World would soon tknow it, for
News is now carried by Telegraph,
where it was formerly done by the
Courier, who was always ready to
Gazette it. In the act, the Press upon
her lips should he light and the Utiton
perfect—that is our Standard of kiss
ing—Bret assuring ourselves that no
Argue eye was upon us, and the only
Reflector present the Mirror.
Grocers don't gdt mucharedit for
charity, although it le well kflfswnshat
they give nearly all their goo& •
weight.
Den Platt ee a Drummer
Don Piatt in hip lasi Washington let
ter, says : I went out the other day
to purchase some furniture for an of
fice, and having selected my article, I
turned to my man and said :
'You,advertise in our paper, do you
not l'
'No sir; we never advertise.'
I then quietly i..fcirmed him that I
never bought furniture, and moved on
to another establishment. You will
think I am romancing, but precisely
the same conversatioir occurred at the
second store. I tried a third, quite a
large establishment, standing on-a cor
ner, kept by Moses & Sons. They
have quite an assortment ,in the up
holstery line, and I suggested adver•
tieing to the senior and received in an•
swer that lie occupied a_corner, it very
conspicuous corner, and had a large
sign on it that everybody could read
from the street, and with that it was
quite unnecessary to go to further ex
pense in the way of advertising. Then
I said unto Moses
'1)o you know, my Christian friend,
!hat when a man possessed of any
amount of money wishes to furnish a
house in Washington he goes to Balti
more, Philadelphia, New York, and
Boston
'Yes,' he responded, 'I know that.'
'Well,' said I, 'do you know the rea
eon for it?'
'Why, of course I do,' lie replied,
with some asperity. 'Those people
conic here from Boston and other plac
es, arid are interested in the manufac
tories at home, arid ofcourse won't pur
chase in Washington.'
'My Christian friend,' I continued,
'You labor under a montrous delu•
Won. These men do not own any man
ufactories of furniture at home, and if
they did they would not purchase
where they would have to pay heavily
for transportation if they knew they
could escape such taxes by getting
their furMture of you. But they don't
know that you exist.'
'They read the papers and they see
no mention made of Moses, unless it
be in a Sunday paper, and then the
Moses spoken of is a man dead long
years ago; yet, however, no deader
than you are, come to think of it. A
roan who does not advertise is as dead
as Moses. You say you have a sign
out there. This is not the sign staked
for. Few people see, and those who
do can't read it. For one man walk•
ing idly down the street wto reads,
there are hundreds who hurry by with
no time to read pigns ; for one man
who does notice your abortion in black
and white out there, a newspaper
would take your business to thous
ands.'
Anecdote of Webster.
A correspondent at Galveston, Tex
an, sendse following to Iforpers
Monthly :
In looking over a note-book of my
f lather's written many years ago, I
came across an anecdote, which, if it
has never appeared in print before, is
too good to be lost. While John
Branch, of North Carolina, was Gen.
Jackson's Secretary of the Navy, he,
Tazwell, and Daniel Webster were
walking on the north bank of the Po
tomac, at Washington. Tazwell, wit
ling to amuse himself with Branch's
simplicity, said :
'B-anch, I'll bet yin a ten dollar hat
that I can prove that you are on the
other side of the river.'
'Done, ' said Branch.
'Well,' Rah! Tazwell, pointing to the
opposite shore, 'isn't that one tide of
the river?'
'Yes.'
'Well, isn't this the other side r
'Then as you are here are you not on
the other side
'Why, I declare,' maid poor Branch,
`so it tm I But here - comes Webster. I'll
win back the hat from him.'
Webster had lagged behind, but now
came up, arid Branch accosted him :
Webster, I'll bet you a ten dollar
hat that I can prove that you are on
the other side of the river.'
'Done 1'
'Well, isn't this une side r
'Well, isn't that the other side r
'Yes, but I am not on that side.'
Branch hung his head, and submit
ted to the lose of the two hate as qui
etiy as he could.
A PLAIN PROPOSITION.—It is natur
al tor a man to indulge an appetite
that affords him pleasure. So Ire
quently, in many cases has this been
done, that what at first was innocent,
by constant indulgence becomes vice.
It has been so with Patrick O'Rear
don,and he now puts in an appearance
belore a justice on the charge of ha
bitual drunkenness.
'You will persist in drinking, Pat,
said the magistrate.
'Faith, you may well say that; rq,
get thirsty if I didn't.
'Then you don't drink when you are
thirsty, but onlyin fear that you may
become so?'
'Yee, air.'
'And you think whiskey ie (*tier
than water?'
'lt's stronger, sir.'
'But do you think it's as good?'
'O, yes, sir; because you can mix
them, and the whiskey kills the im•
purities in the water.'
'But what kills the impurities in the
whiskey?' asked the Justice.
'Nothin' at does all the kil
lin' it-self,' he replied, triumphantly,
very much as if he bad established a
proposition that admitted of no de•
nisi.
—A physician in Vermont wu re.
cently thrown from bleouriage,break
ing one of his legs. A lady hearing of
the accident, remarked, ll 4 am glad of
it. 4very ftortor (ought to meet with
enctlan strident (wee noel a While , In,
lbw he mull beer nn occasional groan
hum a patient without laughing at it.'
A Olgantl9 Bird.
A Calcutta correspondent mention'
an anecdote of that aingnlar bird,tb
adjutant or gigantic Crane, which
be a novelty to some of 'our readers.
He pays that his attention was called
one morning by an unusual turmoil in
the "compouny,' or out door premises
of the house in which be lived. Look•
ing out of the window, he saw an adju
tant, evidently unable to remount on
his wings, standing helplessly amid a
company of about two hundred crows,
whose loud vociferations seemed to ex
press anything but delight at the com
pany of their gigantic fellow-piped.
The adjutant, from his usefulness as a
scavenger of albwork, is a gentleman
very much honored about Indian home=
steads; and this one in particular, as
was his wont, had been lingering out
side for any unconsidered trifles which
the servants might see fit to throw out.
A few crows, however, getting wind of
the affair, with the sagacious notion
that they might be able to pick up a
few chance scram on their own ac
count, were soon on theeicetie of action.
Hunger has up compunctions; and at
last, more venturesome than the rest,
approaching more closely than actual
prudence dictated, one ventured to dis
bute to dispute the possession of a
one with the adjutant. The question
wise not long in abeyance; for, in a
few moments, the adjutant—leaving
the bone for subsequent discussion
seized the crow hip and thigh and
swallowed him at one gulp. This
summary act ennui to have nrou-ed the
indignation of the othercrows„ who by
their cries BOOT) brought together num
bers of others from all quarters ; and
for a good two hours they never ceased
—some from the ground, and others
from a neighboring wall—to badger
their voracious foe, scolding him to
the top of their lungs, and tantalizing
him by approaching him ps close as
they dared, extending a claw or wing
to almost within his reach, and sud
denly withdrawing it as he attempted
to seize them, And this unequal con•
test continued for two or three morn
ings. The odjutant is one of the most
voracious and carniverous birds
known ; and:the enormous quantity
which it can devour may be judged by
its size. From tip to tip of its wings,
when stretched out, it measures about
fourteen or fifteen feet, and it is five
feet high when standing erect. Well
founded stories of its voracity, how•
ever, are by no means uncommon.
With the adjutant all is fish that
comes to his net. Everything is swill•
lowed whole. In the stomach of one,
a land-tortoise ten inches long, and a
large male black cat have been found
entire. A shin of beef broken asun
der, serves the adjutant for but two
morsels; and a leg of mutton of six or
eight pounds weight, if he can pur
loin it—for lie is A great thief—is no
more than a mouthful. Fortunately,
the courage of the adjutant does not
equal his grediness ; for a child eight
or ten years old can scare it with a
commmon switch. •
Long Sermons
'So you came to hear me preach last
Sunday, did uou V said a minister to a
little boy whom he met while voming
at the house of one of bin church mein
berm 'I saw you at church
he
in
the pew with uncle;" and he lifted the
little fellow to hie knee.
'Yes, I went,' said the child, 'arid I
never was so tired in all my life. I
thought you never would get done
preaching!' and the clear, truthful
eyes were raised in full confidence,
while the ixhilu'A accents seemed weigh
ed down with WORffltleBl3 Ire had expe
rienced, and so well remembered, •
The minister listened in surprise.
'le that so?' he,said ; I preach
too long a sermon
.() yes,' said the child;
very tired '
The minister could not forbear smil
ing at the simplicity and sincerity of
the criticism.
'You come next Sunday,' he stipu
lated with the child. 'and I won't
preach so long, I promise you. Will
you conic V
The boy promised, and the minieter
kept him word. The sermon the lul
lowing day was shortened jun', fifteen
minutee, to the satisfaction of the
whole congregation.
The Man "Without an Enemy."
11.1”1 . 11 help the titan it hi. n.. 1 !mei.
he 11.Ige - by ti•
please everybod% It such an lo th.
vidual ever succ., -led, we should he
glad to know Not that we believe
in a man's ; ..oing through the world
trying to find beams to knock his head
against; disputing every man's opinion
fighting and elbowing and crowding all
b., .1 tier fimn him. That again is
unutlier extreme. Other people have
a rifht to their opinions—so have you;
don t fall into the error of supposing
they will respect you lees for maintain.
ing It—or respect you more for turtling
your coat every day to match the
color of theirs.
Wear your own colors, spitevf wind
and weather, storm or sunshine. It
costs the sacillaing and irresdule ten
times the trouble to win, anti shuffle,
and twist, that it does hottest, manly
independence, to stand its groun d.
Take what time you please to make up
your mind; but having made it up,
stick to it
__We are told by the Albany dr.
gus that "Oen. Shermane's father died
when he was a lad, leaving a large
family of children " Tbsi, if true, Is
s very remarkable circumeianoe. The
la may havedied and left the chidren,
bat we never pan be made to hellish
that they were his own.—Louisttille
Courier.
—The difference between a nub.
trim, n and a hrcr Fehnol.l.ny is. one
bake hie hook and the other hate. hie
book.,
Al4 . B6rt* or Paragraphs.
Bonds Irredeemable—Vaga-bondo
A pretender to th 9 crown— A chlg
non.
The spring time of life—our dancing
days
A suro way to stop a woman's mouth
—Kiss it.
Of what trado aro boos? They aro
comb Makers.
Young ladles had better be last asleep
than fast awake.
What is the worst seat a man can sit
on T Self conceit.
Tho, facoMte pitcher of tho coining
goasol—tho ico pitchor.
Why is a mouse like a Ind of hay._
Becausethe cat'll eat it.
Alaska is well dofendod--thero is A
shiver do freeze ail around it.
Never chaff old men. It Is bad-in
ago, says the Now 'Orleans Titnes.
A sugar-houso is not Only a goon
placo to sweeten up, but also to get ro.
fi nod.
When people invariably find them
'elves ' , too fast"—When they got, mar
rigid.
A carpenter Is seldom as handsom e as
hie wife, because ho is generally It (loal
planer.
Why is your older brother like it field
of grass? Because he's past your ego
(pasturage).
When you find grounds in your cof
fee, aro they good grounds for guarding
with your wtro '1
An iron bar used in a Chinese light
was classed as a 'sedative' by a San
Francisco paper.
Query for persons in advarced 4-lifc
Aro large eyes more apt to be rheumy
than small ones,
Man may be it worm : but a glance
at the dandies proves that lie is not the
worm that hover dyes
After reaching Dar wip, monkeys
should always be spoken of as members
of 'the oldest families.'
Mr. Shea, of Illinois,drank a half keg
of beer on Friday. • They tied crape on
his door-knob, Saturday.
Why are poor relations like fits of the
gout? lieeause the oftener they come
the longer they stay.
Connecticut men always wary small
wives if possible, so that seven yards
of calico will make a dress.
Never owe any more than you aro
able to pay, and allow no man to owe
you more than you aro ablo to loqo.
Tho woman who hasn't seventeen but
tons oreber gloves is a being whom it
woro gross flattery lc, caltpn angel.
No woman over bates a man for bo
ing in love with her, but many a wo
man hates a man for not being a friend
to hor.
If a hair of a dog it good for ht, box,
that explains why sulphur, which coons
from esuvius, is good for eruptions
A sign in a western city,rcads 'Boots
blackened inside ' Most persons prefer
the old way of blacking them outbiae.
The reason why the farmers down
South plant so little corn is because the
negroes steal it all as soon as it is lit to
roast.
No man does his best except when ho
19 cheerful. A light heart rnaketh nim
ble hands, and keeps the mind free and
alert.
A Missouri paper says it always prints
marriages and deaths together as an in
timation that misfortune never conies
singly.
An exchange sap, "General Grant
has txo ideas." This is, by far, the
largest number wo have over seen st
tributed to hitn:
When Rowland Hill gave a present
of a sovereign all around to his children,
some one said 'lla tipped the little lulls
with gold.'
A humorous apothecary in Roston,
exposes a cake of soap in his shop win
dow, with the pertinent inscription
'Cheaper than dirt.'
The language of flowers: We often
hear of the pink of propriety Can wo
not, with equal propriety, speak of the
'lto-lak of truth.'
When Senator Wilson calls Chandler
leaky, ho prepotratos, a gro,,s libel.
Chandler holds liquor inure securely
than any man in the country.
Animals have power to express their
feelings as well as human beings, It is
no rarity to hear a horse laugh or to see
u cow turn pail.
An Illinois widower has been tarred
and fintho•red for playing cromwt tu
while ❑wily the tedious interval tar
tween his wife's death and burial
Composition—A musical flUth(q, Mr
io4 asked if li, hail composed anything
lately, replied, 'My last work wars
composition with my creditors.'
'1 was BO
An lowa school teacher has been dis
missed for kissing the big girls Tho
girls say theachoolboard has no right
to interfere with their studios in that
way.
Julia Ward Howe insists that wo
men are too small and the places for
them are too small, too. Does she wish
to out grow the fat woman in the circus
tent
A Chinese phofographer in San Fran
cisco, being upbraided by a lady custo
mer because the pictures didn't suit
her, briefly
can
: 'No half' hand
some; how can?'
Females intending to commit suicide
are Informed that it is fashionable to
poison or drown ono's self. Bo sixteen
out of twenty-three women, who have
tried it,declare.
Just now people are Inquirinfl how to
make hat beds. About a quarter of a
luand of cayenne pepper sprinkled in
st before retiring, will probably make
it warm enough.
A snail has a right smart chance for
a toothache. lie has one hundred and
ten rows of teeth, with one hundred and
eleven in each row, or twelve thousand
two hundred - andleartaatirin all.
A parson, reading the funeral ser
vices at the grave, forgot the sex
of the deesased, and asked one of
the mourners, an Emma'der, , Is this a
brother or a sister /"Nathor,' replied
Pat, only a cousin.