•BRis .
S'"* jt
■£*-" Vn-i
j.i
"■-•It
W:-\
IST*
raiNQ, <fec.
K;cn clmt'Kt* of tlji- Haro watt
iimJrr tlit cliatgt
Is etm-t. Kcuter’g'
Idotl Inreely H> tliHr slockw* »<>*.
itue in iUp Hanlwart »u 4 Cstku .
£''A£w, .Angara, Ailawv Olilatt*,
», PUuas. llinees. Isx:|i«,
. SjHJons, <tc./ Jfcc., ftll .which
BMoaftblv tennrf. ■ \ - :J- v
ahjß-iutlie
mlit* their *to /*. ■■•
U. fcuinta, Carbon Oil.ftc.*Krthaijn
tall liicse articles]at a. OUIU
■the
BUSINESS,
re from which fsj
sctßDHrtich* to pelßhe their Uaqj,
BET
Svirta.pW-WA^E
rc<? supply.tuxl will uala^toroiti*
mW/ . ...
attended to.
N’t) SPOUTING
htt best style.
Goods.
jd would respectfullyip-
Altot.Tiu and surrounding7Cotllt
irned I rum the East, bftfaat:
ii
VINTER GOODS,
Ui<i price,cannot be sorpantcd in.
«i* stock is much larger than
iuit« ft,n object. in toead exciting
to pnrchuse whore they cut get
iid at the Lowest Prices,
n »»d will soil a-* low, if uotji
r honin'in iKi* place- He nishCa
rk In* Core pnrchueiug elsewhere,
ut offer imlnceiuenU which will
:ock conbUts of - - r
A KJI)S of every description,
VINTER WEAR.
•ÜBSKS' DRESS SUOKS,
m>Y.V BOOTS AND SHOES.
MEN’S UvLP UOSB
MISSES’ WOOL lIOSB,
UNBLEACHED MUSLIN,
MS AND HEAVY DUILLINQ.S.
rui. lloebd Bootees At $t,51>@1.75
1.37 @1.50
2.75@3.*0.75@3.*0
. ty l-'W.
iii. Rio Cotftoe, S.vrupa, Tens, &c.‘
fjjMllv kept in a Dry .Good* Store,
J. A. SPRANKLU. "
JYE COLORS
b tuber tiiih, 1803.
o\ Dark Green,
nPX Light Green,
a \o\ Mapeuta^
0 HMArf**'
Tv W*d. (“/ Maroon,
f Si; \s\ Orange*
f ,£Jtk wN™-* . I
Jp J’urptf.
C Popal Purple,
&tivtnn.
t&SZm StJ/ermo.
Violet, s
fcjS3t£jljgff’ Islloic,
IHU'J SilßWlAtSCWftf
K‘V«*u. Hnisiu-ts, JUts, Feathers,
liMreuV CUdbyiir, aud all >s. ;
WViiring
OF h\) TEU CENT.-^gp
c«iMr as many goods as would <?th~
siai sum. VariuGß shades can be
e <\} t*. The process is simple and.
• wuli perfect haccess. Directions
ii German. hr Mm of puck package,
on in D elng. and giving a Jjerlbct
are best adapted to dye over oth
e n-cehw-s,) purclm*? Uowt* A Ste*
;• npd Coloring. Sent In moil «»n
US- Manufactured by . •• .
aiJWK&frTfcVISNS,'
2>D Be-'adwat, Borrow,
rind dealers generally.
)VES,
KfcT-IIIQXAVAIiK. -
•KJNKI) WOUUJ RE-
A large supply jrJII ilwajrs b«
Oy WAE£, in greet variety.
& SPOUTING-
.1 <vipp**rrMnltlhnp r<vMn to .fatf
*< pen hand au assortment of pojK r
ij -mhtlv at iStftifHi to.
SfrK t > i! KXJmTEM.
d Sheet Iron Ware.
PING, &c.
wl> RESPECT- '
citizens'.of Altoona
f '-nnsjantly rm band
i-ifj, OjJtct >9HPH|
and sizes, to suit Use rr ’ y
nil sell at low price*, ott wajhifr
a barge stock of 7Vn Sheet*
ill articles for culioarrparposßS 1 ■
4~i: :
the rgbt pf sale in county
& ITSAO£ SXUFFBRr .
•Ady to be seen to be appr«cl*»
>j *rery farmer, butcher or thbee
m |*ald to putting np SPOITtIKO
. Spooling -painted and pm up
rms. fapfil i4* t 2Ss9-ljr<
[SOGUTIQN,
- paH® 1
•. Semipitl. Ciinary.iuid SMj||
>le trrtftibettt—ln
iXHttut by mail fit
'%*•. A'iUres*, Dr/ J. '.y ;
pieMCfettOO, IOWftT»»
-nos. i, 2,
new, und c«ch pttiOff "J
«tnl for sale low b j - 1T ! ' ’
; ■ r . : .., ■ jtb
T GOOD CQWflSftf"*""
f S/rop» «ttd
[ FBitcnEnT .
>. ■ i i i i.ir.i.T, *■
JliElir; I 1 A ibgtrft jpg”-
crack**™ Just
iIEAMj CllKE^^ffl
McCBtJM & DERN,
VOL. 9
THE ALTOONA TRIBUNE.
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Up fromthe South at hjeak of day,
Bringing to Winchester fresh dismay.
The affrighted air with a shudder bore,
Like a herald in haste to the chieftain’s door,
The terrible grumble and rumble and roar,
Telling the battle was on once more,
And Sheridan twenty miles away.
And wider still those billows of war
Thundered along the horizon’s bar.
And louder yet in Winchester rolled
The roar of that red sea uncontrolled,
Making the blood of the listener cold
As ho thought of the stake in that fiery Iray,
Ami Sheridan twenty miles away.
But there is a road from Winchester town,
A good, broad highway leading down ;
And there, through the flush of the morning light,
A siced, as black as the steeds of night,
Was seen to pass as with eagle flight—
As if he kne’fothe terrible need
lie stretched away with his utmost speed ;
Hill rosu'aiid fell—but his heart was gay.
With Sheridan fifteen miles away.
Still sprang from those swift hools, thunder’g south,
The dust, like the smoke from the cannon’s month.
Or the trail of a comet sweeping faster and faster,
Foreboding to traitors the doom of disaster;
'J lie heart of the steed and the heart of the,master
Were beating like prisoners assaulting their walls,
Impatient to be where the battle-field calls ;
Every nerve of the charger wasstrainedto full play,
With Sheridan only ten miles away.
Under his spurning feet, the road
Like an arrowy Alpine river flowed,
And the landscape sped away behind
Like an ocean flying before the wind ; ■
And the steed, like a bark fed with furnace ire,
Swept on, with his wild eyes full of fire.
But lobe is nearing his heart’s desire—
lie is snuffing the smoke of the roaring fray,
With Sheridan only five miles away.
The first that the General saw were the groups
Of stragglers, and then the retreating troops ;
What was done—what to do—a glance told him
Then strike his spurs with a terrible oplh, ;
Ik dashed down the line ’mid a storm of huzzas,
And the wave of retreat checked its course there
because ■ i
The sight of the master compelled it to pause,
With foam and with dust the black charger was
gray; |
By the flash of his eye, and his red nostrils’ play,
He seemed to the whole great army to shy ’■
“ 1 have brought you Sheridan all the way
Frou Winchester down to ijave the day.”j
Hurrah, hurrah, for Sheridan ! 1
Hurrah, hurrah, for horse and man 1
•• ' |
And when their statues are placed on high
Under the dome of the Union sky, i
The American soldiers’ Temple of Fame,
There with the glorious General’s name !
Be it said in letters both bold and bright;
“ Here is the steed that saved the day i
By carrying Sheridan into the fight,
From Winchester—twenty miles away 1” .
. “ Ticket, sir, if you please!” ,
Between dusk and daylight—the warm
gold of the sunset sky just fading into
crimson, and the Express train thundering
over the iron track like some ferocious de
mon. Carl Silver became dimly conscious
of these things as he started from v a brief,
restless slumber, wherein his knapsack had
served as a pillow and stared vaguely into
the sharp Yankee lace of the obdurate
conductor.
“Ticket! X suppose I have such a thing
about me,” he muttered drowsily, search
ing first one pocket and .then another.
Oh, here it is.- I say conductor, are we
near New York V*
■** <
“ Twenty minutes or so will bring us
into Jersey City, sir—we are making
pretty good time.”
And the sharp faced official passed on
to bunas the next unfortunate man who
6 00 S 00 12 00
6 00 10 00 14 00
10 00 14 00 20 00
SHEBIDAITS BIDE.
both,
SURPRISED.
had neglected to ppt his ticket in his hat
band ; while Captain Silver dragged him
self into a sitting position, putting his two
bands back of his head with a portentious
yawn, and smiled to remember the fantas
tic dreams that had chased one another
through his brain during that half hour of
cramped, uneasy slumber, from which the
conductor’s challenge had roused him—-
dreams in which bloody battle-fields and
lonely night-marches had blended oddly
with sweet home -voices, and the sulphu
rous breath of artillery had mingled with
violet scents from the twilight woods
around, and gusts' of sweetness trom the
tossing clouds of peach blossoms, through
which the Express train shot remorse
lessly.
And then Carl Silver began to think of
other things.
“Conductor!” whispered the fat old
lady opposite, jj6 the bombazine bonnet
and stiti' colored shawl.
“Yes’m,” Said the man of tickets stop
ping abruptly in his transit through the
cars, and inclining his ear.
“ That young man in military=l-ap, con
ductor —I hope he ain’t an escaped lunatic
dressed up,in soldier clothes, I’ve heard of
such things. ■ And I don’t like a bit the
way he keeps a grinnin’ to himself and
rubbln’ bis two ; hands ‘ogether. lie’s
acted queerly alb day, and I’m travelin’
alone!”
26 00 40 00
J. 176
The conductor laughed and passed on
The old lady bridled in offended dignity.
Bless her anxious heart!—how was she
to know that Captain Silver was only re
joicing in the thoughts of the glorious
“surprise” he had in store for his mother
and dimple taced lister that night? Was
it not a year—twelve long, long months—
since he had looked upon their faces last ?
And now— i
On, speed oh your way, Express train,
through quiet villages where daffodils
sprinkle all the gardens with gold. Speed
over the sloping; hills where springing
grass sends up a taint, delicious smell, and
brooks babble under swinging-willows
—past lonely church-yards, where the
white hands of innumerable gravestones
beckon through tlie twilight and are gone :
for every throb of your iron pulse brings
one true heart nearer Eomc ! Shot and
shells had spared him for this hour; fever
and pestilence and foul malaria have passed
him by ; and now —
Suppose there should be an accident!
He has heard of such things on these
lightning-routes. ; Suppose he should be
carried home a dead, mangled corpse; the
words of greeting frozen into eternal si
lence on his lips, the glad sight sealed for
ever under the heavy eyelids! Strange
that such morbid fancies should never have
assailed him in ; the tire and smoke of
Gettysburg, yet come to him now, like
gusts that would hot be driven away, when
he was within twenty miles of home!
Would it break <his mother’s heart, or
would she live off'? And Kate Meriam—
Kate Meriam, the blue-eyed, sby little
fairy, who would never look at him save
through her long,brown lashes, and whose
coy mouth always made him, think of
scarlet cherries and roses dashed in dew.
. “To think!” .ejaculated Carl Silver,
bringing down his bronzed list on the
window ledge with a force that made the
glass rattle ominously and struck a chill
to the heart of the old lady in the bomba
zine bonnet: “ to think that I, who would
knock down the man who ventured to tell
me I was a coward, should be alraid to
say frankly to a Tittle, slender girl that I
love her ! To think that the. very touch
of her glove, the sound of her footstep, the
rustle of her ribbons, can frighten my
self-possession away and make a staring,
silent idiot of. me! After-all, what. is a
courage worth ? ' There’s no use in think
ing of it. I shall die art old bachelor, for
I’ll never marry any woman but Kate
Meriam, and I Shall never dare to plead
my\ cause with - Kate. I wish I hadn’t
such an absurd streak of cowardice
through me.”
Yet Captain ;Silver’s men had told a
different tale when he led them over the
bridge in that dreadful charge at Antie
tam Cowardice! there are several dif
ferent interpretations to that word.
“Carriage! carriage! No, I won't
have a carriage. Get away from iffe you
fellows! You are .worse than the lo
custs of Egyyt and ten times as noisy,”
cried Captain Silver energetically elbowing
Ins way through the swarms of eager hack
men, who were' making night hideous, at
the foot of Coqrllandt street. “Do you
suppose I am going to spoil my precious
surprise by a carriage ?”
1 Broadway by gaslight! II ow strange,
yet how familiar it seemed to the return
ing exile, with its stately facades of free
stone and marble, seeming literally to rest
on foundations of quivering fire, and its
throngs of people, coining and going in
everlasting succession, like the tides of a
never-resting £ea. Carl Silver’s heart
leaped up in his breast with a quick, joy
ous throb at the old accustomed sights and
sounds. It was good to hear his footsteps
on Manhattanesc^ground.
No light in IJie house ! His heart stood
still a moment. This was strange—om
dlqus, But then he remembered that Iris
. ALTOONA, PA., SATURDAY, DECEMBER 3, 1864.
mother was fond of sitting in the twilight,
and dismissed the lingering doubt from his
mind. How lucky, the door was on the
latch, and swung noiselessly open.
Hush ! not a creaking stair or clanking
spur must betray him, through the old fa
miliar hall he passed, and into his mother’s
room, lighted only by the ruddy glimmer
of a bright coal fire.
“ Where the mischief are they all ?”
ejaculated Captain Silver under his breath.
“No matter —they’ll be along soon; mean
time I’ll wheel this big chair up. and take
a bask, for the air is chill, if it is the first
of May. Won’t they be astonished,
though, when ihey come in t Upon my
word, things couldn’t have happened nicer!
Faugh! what a smell of paint —white-
wash, too, as I’m a living sinner. Con-,
found it, I’ve kicked over a pail of the
stuff! If the women folks ain’t house
cfeaning!”
The Captain gave an indignant con
temptuous sniff as he surveyed the desolate
scene.
“ What comfort a female can find in
turning things upside down, and deluging
the house with soap and water twice a
year, I can’t imagine. Carpets all up
floors damp —curtains torn down —-not one
familiar object to greet a fellow’s eyes af
ter a twelve, month’s absence from home.
Heigh ho ’ I think I’ll light a cigar.”
Which he did, and began to smoke and
meditate.
There was a rustle and tripping foot-tall
on the stairs. The Captain took out his
cigar and listened. '
“ That’s Minny,” he said to himself.
“ Mamma doesn't dance up stairs like
that.”
He arose, and leaned against the door
casing as the dancing feet came nearer and
nearer. How his heart beat as the fire-
light shone upon a merino dress and a
little white apron on the threshold. And
the next moment he had caught the slight
form in his arms and was showering kisses
on cheek, and brow, and lips and hair.
“ Caught for once, Miss Minny ?” he
exclaimed. That to pay you for presu
ming to clean house without my permis
sion 1 No, your’re not going to escape.”
Such a piercing scream as she rewarded
his fraternal demonstration with! Carl
Silver let go her waist and retreated
against the wall with a faint idea- of
breaking through the lath and plaster,
and hiding himself in the general ruin.
For, as truly as he stood there quaking in
his regimentals, the voice was not that of
his sister Minny, but Kate Meriam!”
“ How dure you 1” she ejaculated, with
crimson cheeks and quivering lips. “ I’ll
ring the bell and call the servants if you
don’t leave the house this instant!”
“ Upon my word, I’m not a burglar or
assassin 1” pleaded Carl, recovering his
self-possession in a measure, as; he saW
Kate’s breathless terror! “It was so
dark I could’nt see your face, “and I
thought it was my sister Minny. Don’t
you know me, Miss Meriam —Captain
Silver
“ You are an imposter,” said Kate, with
spirit, “ Captain Silver is with the Army
of the Potomac.”
“ No, lie is not, he’s here,” urged Carl.
“ How shall I prove that lam myself ?
Kate I ‘Miss Meriam *
For she had sunk on the floor and be
gun to cry. He knelt beside her with a.
rough attempt at comfort. •
“ No,” she gobbed, “ only —only I was
so frightened x
The little trembling blue-eyed thing!
Carl Silver had never seen her in tears
before. No shy assumption of dignity
no w—no royal airs—only brown; dis
hevelled hair. Ho was the braye one
now—how natural it seemed to clasp the
tiny palms in his own strong hand ! ;
“ Kate, dearest, I love you! With my
whole heart, Kate. Nay, do not be so
frightened—l would die to save you a
moment’s terror! Only tell me that; your
heart is mine'
And when the tears were dried, leaving
the eyes like drenched violets, and the
cheeks flushed brightly, Carl Silver had
leaW and license to keep one fluttering
little hand in his and he knew he was an
accepted lover.
“ But where are my mother and sister’”
he asked at length. “ And what is the
solution of this strange riddle !” |
“ Don’t you know,” > laughed Kate,
“ they do not live here aiiy more 1”
“ Not live here
. “ Have you Jbrgotten that yesterday
was the first of May? We occupy the
house now, papa and aunt Millicent, and
I.”
Ohoquoth Captain Silver, “so
they have moved, and ! never to hear of
it. Upon my, word they treat me pretty
coolly.” ■■ \ ■
“ Ah, but you would have heard of it,”
said Katej “ if you had staid quietly in !
camp to get your letters, instead of roving
over the country without a word of warn- j
ing to your friends.” >
“Give me one more kiss, and I’m off j
to seer, them. One more, my betrothed
wife. Does it not seem like a dream 1” '
“ And you are my soldier now,’” whis
pered Kate, playing with the gold buttons
of his coat with tremulous tigers. “ Mine
[independent in
i to send out into the battle-field, to dream
i of and pray for Carl, I have always re
joined that 1 had no gift for my country,
i now I can give my best and dearest to aid
i her cause.”
“ Spoken like a soldier’s wife, Kate,”
said Silver, with kindling eyes, “If you
but knew how much better we rough men
fight for knowing that woman’s love and
woman’s prayers enshrine us wi*h a golden,
unseen army —nonsense 1 I’m getting sen
timental. Good night.”
So there was three surprises that May
evening—one for Kate Meriam, (wouldn’t
you have heen surprised, Mademoiselle, to
be caught and kissed in thei dark, and
never know who the kisser was ?),one for
Captain Silver (a very agreeable one
though), find the old’original surprise, if
we may term it, for bis mother and sister.
And Carl has not left off congratulating
himself that his “ leave of absence ” hap
pened to fall in the migratory month of
May. For if he hadn’t blundered into
Miss Merfam’s house and kissed her by
mistake, thereby bringing matters pre
cipitately to a focus,: probably to this day
he never would have| mustered courage to
tell her of his love. ;
And when the gulden armadaS ’of the
autumn leaves float down the. forest
brooks, arid the blue; mist of Jndian Sum
uner warps the hills in dreamy light, Carl
Silver is coming back to seal Kate Mcriain’s
destiny with a wedding ring.
Next to being a ! bride herself, every
good-looking young woman likes to be a
bride’s maid. Wedlock is thought by a
large proportion of the blooming sex to be
contagious, and much to the credit of their
courage, fair spinsters are not all afraid; of
catching it. Perhaps the theory that the
affection is' communicated by contact is
correct. Certainly we have known one
marriage to lead to another, and sometimes
to such a series of “ happy events” as to
favor the belief that matrimony, as John
Van Buren might say, “Tuns like the
cholera.”
Is there any book entitled “Rules for
Bridesmaids,.” in secret circulation among
young ladles ? It seems as if there must
be, for all the pretty bench-women act pre
cisely alike. So far as official conduct is con
cerned, when you haye seen one bridesmaid
you'have Seen the whole fascinating tribe.
Their leading duty seems to be to treat the
bride as “ a victim led with garlands -to
the sacrifice.” They consider it necessary
to exhort her to “ cheer up and stand by.”
It is assumed by a poetic fiction, that she
goes in a state of fearful trepidation to the
altar, and upon the whole would rather
not. Her fair aids provide themselves
with pungent essences, lest she should faint
at ihe’“ trying moment,” which.—between
you and us, reader, jshe has no more idea
of doing than she hjis of flying. It is true
she sometimes tells them that she “ feels
if she should sink into the earth,” and
thus they respond “ poor dear soul,” and
apply the smelling bottle ; but she goes
through her nuptial martyrdom with great
fortitude, nevertheless. x In nine cases out
■of ten the bridegroom is more “ flustered”
than the fragile and lovely creature at his
side; but nobody thinks of pitying him,
poor fellow ! All sympathy, compassion,
interest, is concentrated upon the bride,
and if one of the groomsmen does recom
mend him to take a glass .of wine before
the ceremony, to steady Ills nerves, the
advjce is given superciliously—as who
should say “ what a spoony you are, old
fellow.” ; I
to.]
BRIDESMAIDS.
Bridesmaids may be considered as brides
in what the lawyers call the “ inchoate ”
or incipient state. [ They are looking for-
Ward to that day bf triumphant weakness
when it shall be their turn to bo “ poor,
dear, creatured,” and Preston salted, and
otherwise sustained! and supported as the
law of nuptial pretenses directs.. Let us
hope they may not be disappointed.
A Dime for a jKiss.—A traveller near
the close of a weary day’s drive over a
lonely and a mud<jy road, came to a little
log cabin in the!forest, and asked for h
drink. A young i woman supplied his
wants,' and afterwards, as she was the
first woman he had seen for several days,
he offered her a dime for a kiss. It was
duly taken and paid for, and the young
lady, who had never seen a dime before,
looked at it with some curiosity, then
asked what she should do with it. Ho
replied, what she j chose,-as it was hers.
“If that’s the case,” said she, “ you may
take it back and give me another kiss!”
Yankee Scientifies. —Mr. Eliphalet
Stabbs, a real live! Yankee from Connecti
cut in exhibiting his Patent Back action
Spanker, thus scientifically describes it:
“ On being, attached to a baby of any'
age, it (the spanker,) watches oyer .it like
a mother, makes it to desist from swaller
ing thimbles, marbles and three cent pieces,
pins, or any other food unsuited to its
stomach; compels it to go deep whoa
it doesn’t want to j and if somewhat older,
it sees that it keeps its. band off the sugar
bowl and jam pots; besides making it
keep its face dean —and all by the power
' of its back action.’’
,? j v.i, :
SOCIETY.
Society is a horrible fellow. He is
composed partly of pretty good fellows,
but take him altogether he is bad. Mod
ern social philosophers are of this opinion,
and of course they know. The only way
to mend ihe rascal, some of them tell us,
is to pull him to pieces, and put him
together again, on an entirely new plan,
the scamp you see, is wrongly constituted,
and always has been, although wo have
only recently found it opt. If you look
at him you will remark that lie is made
up of a lot of selfish sub-organizations
called households, each of; which loves
itself better than all the World and his
wife besides. This is a fearful evil—-it
prevents “ fusion,” “ oneness of purpose,”
and all that sort of thing, j How can you
expect a concern to work well that is
made up of independent fragments'? segre
gation is ruin of us. Here are millions
of separate domestic bundles knotted up
with such ridiculous ligatures as matrimo
nial, filial and fraternal ties! Open them
and mix the contents indiscriminately ■ to
gether. That’s the way to remodel So
ciety ! At present he is a Wretch that it
would be gross flattery to pall a criminal
of any one particular class, inasmuch as
he is a conglomerate of all criminals and
responsible for: all crimes. He ought to
be hung —no' not hung, reconstructed.
To be sure.the Bibl© recognizes the laws
by which he is governed, and the patri
archs, prophets and evangelists, only
wished to reform his faults, not to dcmol-
ish him, and set up a Godless experiment
in his stead—but then the Bible is a very
old book and the personages referred to
had old fashioned notions, and this you
know, is the age of Progress.
Josh Billings on Shanghais.—The
shanghi reuster is a gentile and speaks in
a forrin tung- He iz hilt on piles like a
Sandy Hillcrane. If he had bin bill with 4
legs, he wud resembul the Peruvian lama.
He iz not a game animal, but quite often
comes off sekund best in a ruff and tumble
file; like the injuns kant stand civilization,
and are fast disappearing. Tha roost on
the ground similar tew the mud turkle.
Tha often go tew sleep standing, and smri
time* tha pitch over, and when tha deW,
tha enter the \ ground like a pickaxe.
There food cohsis ov corn in the ear.
Tha crow: like 1 a Jackass troubled with
broonskeesucks. i Tha will eat as much
tew onst as a district skule master, and
ginerally sit down rite oph tew keep frum
tipping over, \ Tha are dredful unhandy
tew cook, yu karit git them awl into a
potash kittle to orist. The female reuster
lays an egg as big az a kokernut, and iz
sick for a week afterwards, and when she
hatches out a litter ov young shanghis she
has tew brood them standing, and then
kant kiver up 3 ov them, the rest stand
around on the outside, like boys around a
drkus tent, gittin a peep under the kan
vass whenever tha can. The man who
fust brought the breed into this country
ought few own them all and be obliged
tew feed them on grasshopper, caught bi
hand. I never owned but one and he got
choked tu deth bi a kink in a clothes line,
but not until he had swallowed 18 feet ov
;Not any shanghi for me if you please ;
I ivonld rather board a traveling kolpor
ter, and as for eating one, give me a biled
owl rare dun, or a turkee buzzard, toasted
hole, arid stuffed with a pair ov injin rub
ber boots but not any shanghi for me not
any shanghi!
Travelling in the Desert. —The
mode of travelling in the Desert has so
often been described, that 1 need do no
more than add my tribute to its charms.
There Is no life to be compared to it; the
air you breathe is an elixir, i In the De
sert we learn for the first time! what hunger
really is, and what depths of repose its
fatigues can open to ps. The Arabian
heaven is indeed “poured upon our nights,”
and although the Arabian sun during the
day may be a little too hot, yet the deli
cious coolness of the eveningatones for the
previous frizzle. Every incident, however
trivial, is an excitement.! A strange
Arab, on his swift dromedary* is seen in
the horizon, perhaps a spy from a hostile
tribe —faint hopes of a skirmish, and a
careful looking to pistols and fire-arms ; a
group of stunted shrubs indicating tlie
presence of some “diamond of the Desert
the comfortable encampment in the eve
ning, so home-like that one leaves the very
chicken bones the next morping with re
gret. AH is delightful, strange, new, and
exhilarating ; and I sit down again-by my
fire with a deep feeling of thank
fulness that I have experienced the delights
of Eastern travel. j
Don’t Know, Much. —A; certain green
customer, who was a stranger to mirrors,
and who Stepped into the cabin of one of
our ocean steamers, stopping in front of a
large: pier glass Which he took for a door,
he said: “ I say, mister, when does this
boat start?” Incensed at pie still, silent
figure, he broke out: “Go to thunder!
you darned shock-headed
bull calf, ypd don’t look is though yqd
knilwed yeiy muck, j”, , .W'
EDITORS A&Dri
A Pakis Incident. —A young boy 1 of
sixteen years of age was brought before
the police court, Paris, charged with steal
ing and begging in the public streets.. He
was a bright,' fine looking boy but wry
poorly clad, and when brought before the
judge, he fell upon his knees and begged
him not to put him in prison;. that his
mother was : very sick and starving, and
that alone had driven him to steal: that
he could not dud, work, and it he.was im
prisoned, the disgrace would kill his poor
mother. .The judge seemed somewhat
moved at the boy’s story, but he neverthe
less, after hearing the evidence, condemned
him to six week's imprisonment.
As the boy was being led away, a poor
’woman, pale, covered with rags, and her
hair in disorder, forced her way through
the crowd, and tottering up to the boy",
passed one arm around him, and then
turning to the judge, pushed back her long
black hair, and exclaimed, “ Do you not
recognize me i Thirteen years have
passed since you deserted me, leaving me
with my child and shame ; but 1 have not
forgotten you, and this boy whom you
have just condemned is your son.”
You may imagine the effect this an
nouncement produced on the bystanders.
The judge in a loud voice, ordered the
woman to be carried from the court, and
then left himself, but joined the poor
creature in the street, and carried her and
her boy otf'in a carriage.— Ex. g
The renowned Josh Billings, whose
opinions on financial sis well as moral apd
political matters are worthy of “awl con
siderashun,” has prepared the “follerin ex
planashuns from original resipes” concern
ing the question of revenue :
A—“ Spirits of just men made perfect”
don’t cum within the whisky bill.
B—“ Spirits of the damned” tire con-—-
structed the same as damnable spirits, and
must pay the highest whiskey rates.
C —Tax oh “undressed poultry” doubled
—the morals Of the country seem to re
quire it. N
D—Bologna' sassage, in part dorg and
part red flannel, must pay the duty on
flannels also.
E—Awl tabakker (unles the manufac
turer diskriminates what is new and what
is old chaws), is elevated 50 per cent.
F—Ministers of the gospel, who don’t
dew oyer §1,500 worth of business a year
are exempt.
A gentleman’ lately overheard the
following conversation between a .man and
a woman who appeared as though they
had just returned from a pleasure trip to.
some of the out of town resorts: ,
Woman—“ Blow me, Bill, how tired I
feel! lam as miserable, too, as a starved
cat. What a miserable world this is! I
wish I’d never been born, I wish myself
dead again! Man —“Why, Bet, whafs
the riraUpr with you now I What are yon
grumbling about ?” Woman. “Why,, don’t
I tell ypr I’jn as miserable as a rat.”—
Man —“Miserable, indeed ! Why, what
on earth would yer have? You was drunk
on Monday, and you was drunk again on<
Wednesday, and I’m blest jif that isn’t
pretty near enough pleasure for yer, I e
don’t know what is. I s’pose you wants ,
to be a downright hangel here upon the
earth!”
SQuA humorous old gentleman once
fell in with an ignorant and rather imper
tinent minister, who proceeded to inform
the former, in very positive terms, that he
never would reach Heaven unless ne was
born again, adding—“l have experieirced
that happy change, and npw feel no anx-
icty.”
“And have you really been born again?”
said the old man, musingly.
“Yes, I have” was the reply.
“Well,” said the'old man, eyeing him
attentively, “it maiy.be all right, but—l
don’t think it would hurt you to be born
once more l”
Anpunso to Pbowjce “ Change.”—
Thip medicine,” said Dr. Squills, “after
having been taken a few days, will pro
duce the change desired.”
“ What ?” exclaimed the thunderstruck
patient, “ you don't say so, doctor ?”
“ It’s a fact sir,” said the doctor, “ The
science of medicine has now reached r”
“ Well,” said the patient, interrupting .
him, “it is wonderful! If you’d said
‘ postage stamps, doctor, I wouldn’t have ;
slid anything; butlhe ‘ desired change,’ ■
‘doctor, it seems oapossible!”
The doctor bod to take, the patient, in
hand. ’ i ■ i;< - •
®* Pat was employed at 'a furn*C(4
He was ordered to take the two-wheeled
cart with the oxen, and draw Some iron to ,
a particular spot and dump it He brought, r
the load to the place designed, and ; after >
gesticulating wilifly to his meek oxenj.er* ;
claiiried f “ Rare up! rare up! ye hasten
and throw the load overboard,” ..is
Cr The coal fields ofPennsylvmiia have
yielded ,<>n an S
honsof
|hehllf*ttT*t«»ptl*.wr
NO. 36