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jIcCBDM & PERN,
VOL. 9
c*VE the pee centage
bi buying tour
clothing from first hands.
r*mNGEB & TUCK, M*nnfi»ctarar»
E . 3w*de-ie «idß-»a d-l«ol* B—lymMh-
M-i of ud iurtt* the attention of the
Clothing. reference to their Mock.- \
public lo thefcW«w« oar on goota- nvwMdt
P ui. W» Philadelphia, «nd«* « ilMWliU*
up in our o«athey Me well «B»dB»Bd«*“b*
.npMTiwon, end »» «*" i
“^ ul to THE BEST.
E-dy—*do*-
ag iD *sf directly fro® the lß.portei.aad
’ we «« ** P" «“»■
oc btml<Mle nwn. .t&niwniUe wrmtiff
3rd. W. onr ££££s
..eer thecae! of a£aTmu.t he added by thote
ig»in. We raUfl onr
who buy merchant, pay
Cluing; at te“* who bay from
(ar their. at wholeMle, . <^^‘^ faieh other Cloth**,
u get their good. « Mn j S Mid Clothier.’
oef (hr their, to the aty, thereoy
p*r c*nt*£r. .
W« hsw bnMb Store*in t . T
ALTOONA AND JOHNSTOWN,
.t.« good. may be had .1 theeame figure. Bt which w.
Mil the* hm I. U* OW- th.t Took’.
I(»oyp«w>n hM £"?e^foat, ”lfFmb per»n drop
•tore, la Alto Mia, u Street. Mid examine hi.
istn hi. MtthUihment, oo JUm street.
■ <o^2^ r 702 lUrtet Street, PhiUdelphm.
Dm. 1 1«3.-tf ;
SEW GOODS.
r pHtTundersigned would respectfully in
-1 tern tte ciumi of Altoouu »
iry, lhath* haa just returned from the East, where b
■—- »*iectinE htf stock of
FALL AND WINTER GOODb,
The Best Goods and at the Lowest Prices,
n. would *uv thuv'te CUB uud wuru.il « ““ l *
U:Uu lower thununy otter how in this piece. He w«be»
,11 u, u j e« tin stock before purehuumg
a be foci* confident he can offer inducements which will
i»lj competition. His stock consist* o(
LADIES’ PRESS GOODS of description,
KtV AND BOYS’ WINTER WEAR.
LADIES AND MISSES’ DRESS SHOES,
MEN AND BOYS' BOOK AND SHOES,
MEN’S UaLF HOSE
WOMEN’S AND MISSES’ WOOL HOSE,
tills AND CAPS.;
BLEACHED iND UNBLEACHED MUSLIN
GINGHAMS AND HEAVY DRILLINGS,
u, will sell Ladies Sewed, Heeled Bootees at fil-oO£il.To
tin Puggud - - - - lX@lfiO
m&3mb, - -
BALMORAL SKIRTS, eery low.
GROCERIES.
« nite and Brown Sugar. Rio Coffees, Syrups. Teas, Ac.’
an* thine that is ususilj kept in a Dry Goods Store,
*nd at tbtap a» ibfi.tbvapeit. J. A. SPEANKLS*
Altoona, Oct. T. 18S3-
CITY DRUG STORE.
DK. E. H. RKIGABT would respect
falir *nnouoc** u> the citiaeos of Altoona and »ur
fwUjdiag country, that he has recently purchased the
'Drag Score of Berlin 1 Co., on Virginia Street, ophite
FrU»’ Hardware Store.
His Drugs are Fresh and Pure.
4i. i he hope* by Strict attention to butinesa, to merit a
•bar* of public patronage.
Call and examine his flock. He has constantly on band.
DRUGS,
MEDICINES and CHEMICALS, '
fi.Vjt TOILET SOAPS, PEEFUUEET. BEUSBES.
GLASS, PUTTT, PAIOTS, OILS, VAEBISBES.
CAMEOS OIL ASM LAMPS
SOTIOSS, CICAMS,
»r,j rrrry arUcit mu ßy loft in a Pirsl~dass Drug Start
PURE WINES AND LIQUORS
for medicinal n*e.
VOUMSUC GRAPE WINE—PURE—WARRANTED.
W&SICiASS' PRESCRIPTIONS
accurately compounded, act ail boors of the day or night.
Altoona, Sept. 38,1563.
1864. SPRING 1864.
CIRCULAR.
| take pleasure jn issuing this my Spring
-LadTasttßameattihroagh which! would inform my friend*
tod the public generally that 1 hare just returned from
tb* East where 1 have purchased a freah Stock of
HATS AND CAPS
of tb* Latest Styles, and a* to quality, color and price can
not Cut to please all claaae*.
I bar* also bought ad immense stock of
BOOTS and shoes,
tb* majority of which are city make and will be guaran
tor My a—ortment of ladle** md Chadrenr’ Shoes is
compM*,*!! of which, I am now offering at a small ad
vane* ob wholesale price*. ■
The public will be greatly benefited hr giving this their
attowtmu and cult and eararaine my rtock. as I Heel confi
dent I can plea— *ll.
JAHXB S. MANX, MH& etre«t
Altoon*, Pa.
apO-tf
HARDWARE I
SSStsSEP
CHARLES J. MANN.
1 v EALKR IX FOREIGN AND DO
- JtSSIIC HARDWARE.
WOODEN WARS. BROOMS,
WINDOW SHADES.
DOOR HATS.
UeHOLSXX&ISG GOODS,
SHOE FIHDISGS.
HOCLDKKB* TOOLS,
BHU> CAGES AND WIKK GOODS,
WINDOW GLASS,
rCTTT, WHITE LEAD, AC, AC.
deectiptionof Good* in hi* line will be fur
bMmA at abort adUca, mad at lav rate* far —•n
HiaiemaintnA«tock of DRY GOODS on bondvill be
Cfco'd out at remarkably bnr fricej. in order to relinanfcb
(bat brands of tbe butinoo*.
A*ant for WiUeoa’i “Telojranh Fodder Cotter »
Altoona, Mar»th, IM2
VfDSIC !*—INSTRUCTIONS GI^EN
lYi oa tbs Piano-Fort* sad Jlelodeoa, by Mu* H.
’ Tssmi, $lO psr qnsftsr. Xochsrgffcr
tbsassoftbslDstnußrat. Rasidecce on CstbsrtM Str«t,
Wot JUtoons. fdso.l6, ISC2.-tf,
JUST BJBCEIVED—A Lot of Prime
CTOABS-ct '
Jut IS, *«.]
IffiLMBOLD’S GENUINE BUCHU
■1 —J tl^lfA W««" «* i'
ft, *6t| '■ KXIOAKX’B Praf Store.
MEN AND BOYS’ COATS, of every
i*l. avatar. *c«d <l“U‘^ DaflMAVg
■\TEW AND IMPROVED STYLES
IK * m-ta. T»U«.
HJBE WHITE LEAD AND ZINC
IM, «l»n Ohron. Bw. Stj
CmaS Att p-tt] KSnuat’B.
THE ALTOONA TRIBUNE.
X. A McCBPM.
It» r miaul, (payable invariably in advance,) $1 40
All paper* dbcoatiiraed at th« expiration of the time
paidlor
lioeertaQß-' 2dtu 8 do.
tour line* or lei*.... .—— I 8 ■ 3 I SO
Oar Sonere, (8 Hum) — - SO 7S il 00
Two “ (W “ ) 1 00 1 So 2 00
Thro* “ (34 « ' ). 1 60 2 Oii 2 So
Oror three *«b end Irm then three month*, 25 cent*
per eoaere tor eech Ineertion.
3 month*. ShoAths. lyetr.
...» 1 SO j t 3 IX) $ 5 00
Six Udmot !>■
006 Mure
Two"- 44
44
Foor:
H»lfp ffllnwn 10 00 14 <H.'
One column 14 00 N 25 00
iteiniftntonud Kxwston SotiCM
Merchants advertising by the year. three square*.
with liberty to change , .i 10 00
Frofmrinwl or Busin w Cento, £ Ho**
with paper, per jeer. ...............a- . 5 00
Communications of a political character or individual
interest, will be charged according to the above rates.
Advertisements not marked with the damber of inser
tions [desired, will be continued till forbid 'and charged
according to the above terms.
Busmens notices ftre cents per line tor e very Insertion.
Obituary notices eacewlingtenlinesy fifty cents a square
GOO KEEP OUR WOMfN TRUE.
AJRTEMtrS WARD VISITS BRIGHAM
TOTO 6.
It is now going on 2 top years, as I
very well remember, since I crossed the
Plaines for Kallifomy, the Brite land of
Jold. While crossin the Blaines all so
bold, I fell in with some red men of the
forest (X. B. this N is rote Sarcastical. —
Injuns is plzen whar ever-found) which
they said was my brother & wantid to
smoke the Calomel oC Peace with : me.
They stole my jerk beef, blankits, etsettery,
scalp my organ grinder, and Scooted with
a Wild Hoop. During the Cheats teachen
speech,, he sed we shood meet in the
Happy Huntin Grounds, If he duz,
thare will be a tight. But/ enuff of this
ere. Raven Noose Muttons, as our skool
master, who has got Talent into him,
cuasycally obsarves.
I arrove at Salt Lake indoo time. At
Camp Scott thar was a lot of D. S, sojers,
hostensible sent out to smash the Mormons, j
but really to eat vittles A play poker & 1
i other sumwhat beautiful but unsartm,
games. I got acquainted; with some of
the officers. They lookt pretty scrumphus
in their 8100 coats with brass battings
onto um, & ware very talented drinkers,
: but as far as fittin is construed, Ide wil
• lingly put my wax fores' agin the bull
party. ' .
s My desire was to exhibit nty grate
show at Salt Lake City, ao I culled upon
Brigham Young, the great mogull among
the mormus, and axed his pinnishun to
pitch my tent and unfurl my banner to
■ the jentile breezes. He looks at nie in a
' austere manner for a few minits & sex :
COFFU? T&ZHHDkGS,
UIBAKTS Dro( Store.
iDiToma Ain> momjito»s
fBJU or ADVZKtUXXG)
250 . 400 700
400 . 6gp 10 00
6 00 *
6 00 10-00
(Choice |h»ettB.
••What can a woman do in 'war V s
You ask in tones of acorn ;
Her voice haa swayed the cximsop lid*
Since first the world' W*« bom.
If one fair Helen made a war.
What may a thousand do * •s. i .
To loyal purposes and aim*
God keep our women true 1
When,in the battle’s deadliest shock,
Our coon try's vanquished foe*-
Reeled faint and bleeding ’neathlhe weight
Of overwhelming blow*.
The fiery word* of Northern daapoa,
From lip* too proud to sue,
: Nerved up their faltering arms alreab—
God, keep our women true
To ***** **igh purpose of the soul •
last wielded Judith’* blafe.
That fired the heart ef Joan of Arc
Or Saragossa’* maid.
That drove the dagger of. Corday.
And bore Moll Pitcher through
Oar earliest fields baptised in blood
God,keep our women true! ■,
Their heroism still survives, *
Though no ensanguined hand
: Fling* out the banner, waves the- torch.
Or oears the deadly brand :
It dwells in gentlest breast*, and shine*
Through eye* of cenderest bide.
That look those »ad but firm farewell*—
God. keep our women true :
It> earnest trust has beautified .
The darkest of our day* ;
It speaks it* scorn of coward heart*
It sounds the hero * praise ,
It twine* around our tattered fi*£
The God-like faith that grew '
the Saviour's cross and tombr'
God, keep our women true :
The fpCrlt of their dwthtew 4 *9&*
Is breath 104 round us now :
Xt builds the soldiers monument.
It loves the wounded brow ;
U casts its jewels in the plate.
Aiwi send! its loved anew
From hearths already deaoUte—.
God. keep our women true !
Oh, m eary, aching hearts behind!
Ob, lone and suffering ones.
Who breathe the player and waft the sigh
For husband, lovers, sons;
Though lip* may quiver, hands *>e clasp*!
And tears the lids bedew,
Choke down the coward summons home:
God. keep our women Woe I •
jfoUrt |ps«Uatt|.
“Do you bleeve in Solomon, Saint Paul,
immacolateneffl of the mormin church, &
the Latter day Eevelaahtms
Sez I, “Lne on it!" I make it a pouit
to git along {decant, though I didn’t know
what under tfae Sua the old fellow was
drivin at. He sed l might show.
“Yon air a married man, Mr. Yung, I
bleeve ?” sez L preparin to write him
sum free parsis. ,
“I hev eighty wives, Mr. Ward. I sar
tainly am married.”
“How do you like it as far as you hev
gone ?” sez L
He, sed ‘midlin,” an then axed me if 1
wouldn’t go and see his fannily, to which
I'replied that I wouldn’t mind mingling
with the fair seek and barskm in the
winnin smiles of his in teres tin wives.
> HL C. VEILS,
He accordingly took 'me to his'Scareutn.
The house is powerful big, & in a exceed
ingly large room, was his wives and chil
dren, which larst was squawkin and
hollerin enuff to take the roof rite orf the
house. The wimmin was of all sizes and
ages. Sum was putty and sum was plane;
sum was healthy and sum on the wayne ;
which is werses, the the sich was not my
intenshuns, g? I don’t prove of puttin
verses in prose riling, tho ef occasion re
quites, Lean jerk a point ejdl to any of
them Atlantic MontJdy fellers.
12 00
14 00
20 00
40 00
1 76
“My -wives, Mister Ward” sed Yung.
“Your servant, marms,” said I, as I sot
down in a cheer which a red-headed female
brawt me.
“Besides these wives you see here. Mis
ter Ward.” sed Yung, “I hev eighty m#e
in various parts of this consecrated house
which are Sealed to me.”
■‘Which,?'' sez I, getten up and staring
at him,
“Sealed, sir, sealed.”
“Where bouts sez I.
“I sed, sir, that they was sealed !” he
spoke in a traggerdy voice.
“Will they probably continue on in that
style to any great extent, sir ?” I axed.
* “Sir,” sez he. turn in as red as a biled
beet, “don’t you know that the rules of
the Church is that I the Profit, shall have
as many wives as I wants ?”
“Jes so,” I sed. “You are an old pie,
aint you !”
“Them as is sealed to me—that is to
sav to be mine when I want um —are at
present my speretuol wives,” said Mister
Y ung. ’ *
“Long may they wave sez I, seein I
shood git into a scrape if I didn’t look
out.
In private conversation with Brigham,
I learnt tbe folio win fax : It takes him
siv weeks to kiss his wives. Me don tdo
it only onct a year, and says its wuss nor
cleanin house He don’t pretend to know
his children, there is so many of urn, tho
they all know him. He says about every
child he meets calls him Par, and he takes
it for granteil it is so. His wives are
very expensive. They aliens want some
thing, and ef he um, they set the
house in an uproar. He says he don’t
have minits peace. His wives file among
themselves so much that he has hilt a fitin
room.for thare speshul benefit, and when
too of em git into a row he has um turned
loose inty that place, where the dispoot is
settled according to the London prize ring.
Sum times they abooz himself individually.
They have pulled the most of the hair
out at tbe roots, &, he wares many a
horrible scar upon his body, inflicted with
mob handles, broom sticks,’ & sich.
Occashunally they git mad and scald
him with bilin hot water. When be got
any wase cranky the’d shut him up in a
dark closit, previsely wippin him arter
the style of mothers when their offspring
gits unfoly. Sumtimes when he went in
swimmin, they’d go to the banks of the
lake & steal his do* thereby compcllin
him to sneek home by a sircootious rowt,
dresst in the Scanderlus stile of the Greek
Slaiv.
“I find that the keers of married We
way bevy on me,” sed the Profit, “and
sometimes I wish Ide remained single.”
Heft the Profit & started for the
tavum where I put up to. On my way I
was overtook by a large crow'd of Mor
rmons, which surrounded me and stated
I that they was going into the show free.
“Well,” scz I, ef I find a individual
who is goin round lettin folks int# his
show free, Ide let you know.”
“ We’ve had a revalashun bidden us to
go into A. Ward’s show without payin
nothin?” they showted.
“Yes,” hollered a lot of female Mor
monesses, seizing me by the cote tales &
swingin me round very rapid, “ we’re all
goin in free, so says the Revalashun!”
j “What’s Old Revalashun got to do
i with my stow!” sez I gittin putty riled—
i “Tell Mister Revalashun,” sez I, drawin
myself up to my full bite and lookin round
upon the ornery crowd with a proud and
defiant mean—“tell Mister Revalashun to
mind his own buisness, subject only to the
Konstitution of the United States.”
“ Oh, let os in, that’s » sweet • man,”
j sed several femajlk, puttin their arms round
Ime luvln stile. “Bucum lof ns; become
a Priest, and hev wives sealed to you.”
“ Not a seal, ” Sez I, startin bade in hor
ror at the idee.
•» Qh, stay, sir, stay!” said a tall, gawnt
female, ore whose head 37 Summers most
have parsed 5 “ stay, & Lie be your Gentle
Gazelle.”-'
“Not ef I know it you wont,” sez I.
“ Awa, yu scanderlus femaile, awa! Go
& be a Nunnery.’" That’s what 1 sedjes’
80." •»
[iDItEFBianT nt ETI
ALTOONA, PA., WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 17, 1864.
x sed a fat, chunkey fentaile, who
must have wade more than too; hundred
lb*., “ I will be your sweet glidin Star.”
“Sez I, “Hebet two dollars and a half
you won’t ’ Where ere 1 Borne lie still be
troo 2 thee, O, Betsy Jane!” ; (N. B.—-
Betsy Jane it my wife’s name )
“Whilst thou not tarry with us in the
Promised Land?” sed several of the miser
able critters.
“lie see you all espeshally cussed be 41
willist,” - roared I, as mad as cood be at
there infernal noncents. I girded my
Loins & fled the Seen. I packt up my
duds & left Salt Lake, which is a' grand
Soddum and Gennorrer, inhabited by as
vane onprinciplud set of retches as ever
drew breath in eny spot on the Globe.
IN A BAN FIX
Here is a good one. Once upon.a time
in the village of B ,in the : State of
Massachusetts, lived . a handsome young
maiden of seventeen, whom we will call
Fanny L ; and : George Y— -p- was
her accepted lover. The course of true
love ran smooth, and in due process of
time came tbelhappy termination of their
wooing, and the twain were made one by
the benediction of the holy church.
They, were married early one summer's
morning, and the same day traveled cozily
and happly together, to the stage of the
wedding tQur. A companion, a younger
brother of the bride, mischievous young
rascal, accompanied them, :and well •it
would have been for the happy pair if they
had trusted themselves to their own so
ciety and left James at home to ornament
the dog’s tail and spitball the schoolmas
ter.
Well the party arrived at the Galt
House, Philadelphia. While George was
dutifully attending to the confort* of his
young wife, James, in the performance of
his duty as groomsman, went to the office
of the hotel to enter the names and select
appropriate apartments. Pen in hand, a
brilliant idea struck him, and in pursuance
therewith, he entered their names on the
register thus:
James L
Mis Fanny L— .
George Y .
Fanny retired early, being somewhat
fatigued with travel.
George smoked his cigar for an hour
or two, and dreamed of his bachelorhood,
we suppose, and finally he requested to be
shown to his appointments An obsequious
waiter with candle in hand, attended him,
and asked what number it was.
“ With the lady who came with me,”
replied George.
The waiter smiled, hesitated, and then
approached with an exquisitely dressed
clerk, and repeated the question.
“With the lady who arrived' here with
me,” George answered again, blushing to
the tips of his ears.
The clerk smiled and shook his Dead as
if in pity of the young man’s ignorance.
“It will not do, sir: you have mistaken
the house, sir. Such things are not
allowed here, sir-”
“Will not do ? why I only want g°
to bed.”
“That you may certainly do in your
own room sir, but not in the lady’s
apartment, sir.”
“The lady’s apartment ? Why that
lady is my wife.”
The clerk bowed ironically. “All very
fine sir, but I can’t see it, sir ; here is the
entry, sir.”
George looked at the register, and
there was the entry, sure enough.
“Miss Fanny L. •”
“George Y.'
He saw the whole secret at a glance •,
he protested and entreated——but it was
no use. He called James to witness his
veracity, but James was no where to be
found The by slanders laughed and the
clerk was inexorable ; and the poor
fellow was forced into his solitary
chamber to pass his bridal night alone,
and invoking blessings on the whole class
of “respectable hotels” and younger
brothers.
i Don’t T.ikk jnr Buxsness. —There is
no greater fallacy in the world than that
entertained by many younginen that some
pursuits in life can be found wholly suit
ed to their tastes, whims, and fancies.
This philosopher's stone can never be dis
covered and every one who makes his
life a search for it will be ruined. Much
truth id contained in the. Irishman’s re
mark—“it is never easy to work hard.”
Let, therefore, the feet be always remem
bered by the young, that no life-work can*
be found entirely agreeable: to man.—
Success always lies at the top of a hilL If
we could teach it, we can only do so by
hard, persevering effort, while beset with
difficulties of every kind. If you think
you made a mistake in choosing the pur
suit or profession” you did, do not make
another by leaving it. Spend all your
energies in working and clinging to it, as
I you would do* the; lifeboat that sustained
you in the midst of fte ocean. If you
leave it, it is almost certain jthat yod will
go down.
Atmaros Ward.
FIBS IN THB BEAB. OB BILL
JONES AMONG THE QLBLS.
The following story, contributed by a
country fnend to the N. O. Delta, ■is too
good to he lost; “though,” says the Delta,
“ its radneas may not accord with the ex-
alted tastes of the Miss Nannyitee who
dress (he legs of their tables intriend pan
talettes and faint over a nude cherub.
Old Squire Parish was an hospitable old
souL Every Friday evening it was the
delight of the girls at the Academy, and
the boys at the schools and college, to go
to old Squire Parish’s farm, about six miles
from town, and stroll in the woods, bathe
in the creek, search the orchard and the
ben’s nests, and turn everything about the
premises upside down. And old Squire
Parish would sit in his chimney corner,
pipe in mouth, and tell them stories about
the first settlement of the country, and
how “Old Hickory” whipped the Indians
—-for the old Squire had been in Jackson’s
army—and never let the boys off without
at least one story about the “old man,”
as the Squire delighted to call the General.
One Saturday, about the middle of the
afternoon, Bill Jones—a wild, harum-scar
um young man of some sixteen winters—
rode up to the Squire’s door and hailed
the bouse. His summons was answered
by that black young rascal Josh, who told
Jones that the boys were gone a squirrel
hunting ; “ but you better believe, Massa
Bill,” continued Josh, “ that the gals is
carrying on high. Why, Massa Bill, you
can hear ’em squealing up here.” Jones
soon learned that the .girls had gone to
their usual bathing place, which was at
the foot of a high precipice, and only ap
proached by that side by a solitary foot
path, which was guarded by “ Dinah.”
On (he other side of lay a broad
sand bank, so that no one could approach
it without being seen. Jones had been tq
the Squire’s bouse so often that he knew
all his stories by heart, and it was almost
impossible to find the boys in the woods;
so he determined to have some fun out bf
the girts. About a -quarter of a mile up
the creek lived “Old Aunt Judy,” and
there Jones and his attendant. Josh, im-
mediately proceeded. While Josh went
to the old woman, and for a forpence pur-
chased the latest gourd in her possession,
Jones slipped behind the garden and threw
off his clothes ; then cutting off enough of
the handle end of the gourd to admit his
head, and making two holes for his eyes,
he slipped it on his head and jumped into
the stream. So soon as the gourd reached
the point above the bathing place, it com
menced floating towards the shore until
within a few yards of the bathers, when
it drifted against a limb which overhung
the stream, and lodged. If Jones bad
looked through the loopholes, (he swears
be didn’t) he would have seen a sight that
would have made the gourd itself blush.
On one rock were three or four swimmers,
alternately squatting down and rising up
on their heels, and imitating the cry of
the bullfrog, and when one, would say
“chug'” they would all plunge into the
water, ffog fashion. At another place
they were striving to duck each other,
while a third party was leading, by force,
intf» t|ie water a coy damsel, who had been
too modest to undress before so many folk!.
But Jones’s gourd did not long remain
unnoticed in the water, and the damsel
who espied it sailed up to it, seized it, and
with slight resistance it came oft and
disclosed the curly head of Bill Jones!
Betsy screamed and Bill Jones yelledl
Miss Betsy and the other bathers rushed
up the bank, and Jones, in his fright and
confusion, followed them- Here the girls
turned on him, sezed him and threw him
oh bis face, twined his arms around a
capling, and having bound his bands with
a kerchief, Jones lay defenceless in the
power of his captors. The girls now
leisurely dressed themselves, and then
each provided herself with a trim ■ birch
or willow rod, and without farther cere
mony began applying them to the bade,
sides and legs or poor Jones. Jones twis
ted, and Jones drew himself
up and spread himself wit; he begged and
he prayed. But in vain. His captors
were insensible to pity, until their arms
were fatigued, and their rods frayed into
ribbons. Alas, for poor Jones; he was
not yet to escape. His tormentors provi
ded themselves with fresh instruments,
and stationed themselves in a tow along
the footpath from Jones? tree to the water’s
edge; and on the rock from which he was
to plunge was posted a stout country lass,
whose strength he bad often tried in, a
wrestle, and*wbose endurance he had of
ten tested in a “ barn dance.” At last he
was released, and told that he must run
the gauntlet. He could not but comply.
Straightening himself up and drawing a
long breath, he started at full speed, as
he thought, but at every step something
touched him that accelerated his motions,
and as he was about to take tire last final i
leap, such a blow fell on his rear that (he
sparks flew] out of his eyes, and he boun
ded half across the stream at poe leap.
This rock has been known as "Jones’ heap
ever since.
■Without stopping to see any more of
his fear frumds, Jobes hastened to Aunt
Jndy’s cottage, dressed himself, gave Josh
EDrroi
a thorough kicking, bonomd » aheap
elun froak Aunt Judy, moemtsdhishasaa
and rode slowly hack into, town. And
from that day tothis, BUI Jones baa
never Am his face, nor any ether part
of fc«, in good old Squire fhriah's hotms,
nor the stream that raneby its done.
To the Mabeikp. —MtssHuloek my*
“ A lady of my acquaintance gives it as
herattae qua mm of domestic felicity flat
the men of the family should ha absents*
least six hours in the day,” Andtrolya
mistress of a munly, however strong her
affection for the nude members of it, can
not but acknowledge this as a gnat boon.
house where “ papa? or “theboytf’ an
always about, piping in and oat at all
hours, everlastingly wanting something, s
or finding fault with something else, is a
considerable irial to feminine patieixy
And I beg to ask my sex generally—m
confidence, of coarse if it is hot tbs'
greatest comfort possible when, the nu*
culine half of the family beiog cleared
out for the day, the house settles down
into regular work and orderly quietness
until evening?! Also, it is good fer them
: as well as for ns to have all the petty do
mestic bothers got over in their abseaoe;
to effect which ought to be one of the
principal aiinsof the mistress of a. family.]
Let them, if possible, return to quiet, smi
ling home, with all its small annoyances
brushed away, like the dost awl dndsrsi
from the grate, in passing, is qnej
of the first requisites to make a fire-side
look comfortable. It might be as weQ,
too, if the master could contrive to leave
the worldly mod of the day at the scraper
outside his door.
Welcome. —“ Papa will soon be tan,’’
said mamma, to her three year old boy,
“ what can George do to welcome him?”
And the mother glanced at the child’s
playthings, which lay scattered in wild
confusion on the carpet.
“ Make the room neat,” replied the
litdeone, understanding the look and at once
beginning to gather his toys into a basket.
“What else can we do to welcome
papal” —asked mama, when nothing waa
wanting to the neatness of the room.
“Be happy to him when he comes 1”
cried the dear little fellow, jumping up
and down with eagerness, as he whited
at the window for his father’s coming.
Now as all the dictionary makers will
testify—it is very hard to give good defi
nitions . but did not little Geoege give
the very substance of a welcome!—-“Be
happy to him when he comes.”
All parents who read this, will know,
that elegant apartments, and sumptuous
entertainments and formal courtesy, will
not avail in welcoming their guests, when
they come. «
Dear children, will yon also w lumber,
when your little friends come to see you,
that all your beautiful toys, and fine plays,
and nice treats, will not give yonr guests
a “good time,” unless you are happy to
them when they come. —CongngatioMliat
ff How long Eve, the first woman,
lived, we know not. It is a curious fed
that in sacred history, the age, death, and
burial of only one woman Sarah, the
wife of Abraham —is distinctly noted. —
Woman’s age ever since appears not to
have been a subject for history or ducas
sion.
CT Finn, the celebrated comedian, om*
stumbled over a lot of wooden ware |n
front of a man’s shop, whereupon the man
cried out —“ Yon came near kicking the
bucket, this time, Mr. 1”
“Oh, no,” said Finn, quite compla
cently, “I only turned a little jxali”
' ttg* Youth is a glorious iawntion.—
While the girls chose the hoars and you
chase the girls, the: months stem to dance
away with yon upon their feet What a
pity onr summer is so short! Before yon
know it lovers become deacons, and romps
grandmothers.
gr The ™an who refused a poa dollar
bill for fearit might have been altered
from a ten, prefers stage travel to raU
roada, for the reason that the former rides
him eight hoars for a dollar, while |he
latter rides him only one.
9* Paper has within the past
few weeks at the rate of one cent par
pound. Hu profits of newspaper badness
are on the wrong side of the ledger at
those rates, anil no papa 1 can long stand
such prices. -
CT “My lord,” said* the foreman of a
Welsh jetty, when giving in their verdict,
“we find the man who stole themarenot
gilty.”
O* In Sweden, a man who is semi four
times drunk is deprived of a vote at OHO*
tions. That law wouldn’t n St' aosne "of
our sovereigns!
' aw A business man may get llsog
| witlmot advertising, and so can a wag»
I wheel withoat grease—bat it goqa ha*e|- .
11
NO. 22.