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”«•»« «r«et». East
5 ON WAND
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AIoCRUM & DERN,
\ r OL. 8
fpRE undersigned would respectfully in-
X formjUw cltuasi of Altouaa and surrounding couu-
Ir ,. thst hi* has Jnst returned from the East, where be bee
selectiug his stock of ■ ■
FALL AND WINTER GOODS,
which. for st fie, quality and price, cannot be surpassed in
« j>j-t neck of country. Hie stock is, much larger than
ii.-rutoforo, a Ml* as it U> quite an object/ in these exciting
,v;.r limes, f< r eyerj* one to parch ese where they can get
The Best Goods and at the Lowest Prices,
ii> would saj that he can and will sell as low. If not a
;i ie lower t lan any other house in this place. He wishes
al! to call an 1 see his stock before.purchasing elsewhere,
... he feels confident be can offer Inducements which will
,m ! v competi ;ion. His stock comdits of 1 -
LADIES’ DRESS GOODS of every description,
MEN AND BOYS’ WINTER WEAR,
LADIES ANp MISSES’ DRESS SHOES,
M«N AND BOYS’ BOOTS AND SHOES,
I • ’ - MEN’S HALF HOSE,
WOHEN’S AND HISSES’ WOOL HOSE,
M vTS AND pAFS, . ,
BLEACHED AND UNBtEACHED MUSLIN,
GINGHAMS AND HEAVY DRUOdNOS.
lie will sell Ladies Sewed, Heeled Bootees at firstname.lastname@example.org
hip Pegged : 1.5T@1.50
den's Reds _. 2.76<a3,50
IUI.-MclliAl. SKIRTS, very low. - .
White ami Brown Sugar, Rio Ooffeec, Syrups, Teas, 4c.*
.lid . very tldilg tiiat is usually kept in a Dry Goods Store,
ind os cheap ns the cheapest, J.A. SPEANKLE.
Altoona, Oct. 7, 1863. ■
AVOID THE NEXT DRAFT!
frHE UK IS A PREVAILING EX
*- CITKMENT among the people of Altoona ami vl
'•iuit.v about THE SECOND: DRAFT—not so much about
i lii- Draft a* ibr making the Three Hundred to pay exevip
!o>u. All piitHotic! tut choose rather to Slav at home
u itb their be|(oved ones, for their support, than to risk
dit ir lives in this bloody wai*. Now, to bring the matter
i * a close. we will inform the public that by buying their
ii..»ds at the Cl KEEN STOUR, Corner of Branch and Annie
• n.nt, East Altoona, kept by GEI.S.A CO., they will
SAVE THE THREE HUNDRED
in a short timK They have just received a large and well
-fl**cteik v rttock of DRY GOODS AND GUOCEUIES. which
i!m‘v are selling for Cash ut the lowest living prices.
A huge assortment of RADIKS’ COATS AND CIUGU*
l-AKS, raugipk in price from £4 to $12.1X1.
The attention of the public is particularly drawn to the
Diet that they are selling Brown and White Muslin from
1> to 45 cent*; Calicoes 'from to 25 cu.: Delaines
iron IS to ?J5 rents per yard.
They have Always on hand a hrge assortment of MEN
\ND BOYS’ qjLOTHISO. UATP. CAPS, BOOTS. SHOES.
oi.L in fict; everything kept in a lirgt-class Store.
Uioona Den. 7. 18t>3.
< ’ITY DRUG- STORE.
DC. Hjd. REIOART would rcupeut
tally uuhouuce to the citizen* of AlDkuiu ami -ur-
:<nimiiiig country, he hiw recently purchased the
long Store of.iUerlni &’Co.. mi Viiginht Street, opposite
1 1 . llaniwate Store. "
Ifis Dengs are Fresh and Pure.
.•idle- hopes by strict, utteniiou tu liiismess. t<> merit a
Virruf pnhUd patronage.
* ail ami t-Aairiim* hi* stock. lie JmseoH'fni.fl vmi hand.
I DR U GS,
MEDICINES ami CHEMICALS.
i ixe soxl’S, i’kkfcmki: v. i:m <m:s.
'iI.ASS. I%TTI\ I’AJXTS, OILS, rAj;.VISJ!L\
cqutupp OIL JXO I.AMIS. ,
\ yvrw.ysi ciual-s.
■'in/ rvrry artieUr. usually kept in c .h'usi -da.'* Ihu-j Hii.re.
LURK WINES AND LIQUORS
for medicinal use.
pnrsj(CJAy& prks< jtjPTioys
w t-aniUrly confounded, Ht all hour* of the dav t .r night.
Alioona, Sept. 30.1863. |
OH,:YES! Otf, YES!
Tills "W-A.TT 1
''PO THE! COMMUNITY AT LARGE,
J- THE PEOPI.K IN PAUTICULAU. oi hd.v ..n«
»»»»!«« ii : '
Choice Family Groceries,
A PRiap: QUALITY OF FLOUR,
OR ANY KIND OF FEED,
' will sate money by enlling afrthe
Grocery, ;Flour and Feed Store 'of
M'OUNE & WILSON,
Corner p! Clartj aud Virginity StrivtM, in tincture rtK»m
Uiovfn its Johnjstoo Moore’?.
The highest cash prices will bit paid for Flour, Feed.ami
oil kinds of coiiptry prodnee
Altooua, Pa.,]Nov. 4th, 1803.
Subscribers would respectfully
aMnoi|m:t*j to ihu oitizeite of Altaona and vicinity,
that they hsve just retained from lhe\Knat with their
FALL AND WINTER STUCK OF
„.' v HATS & CAPS,
BOOTS Sz SHOES-
Their »t«ck tf f HATS & CAPS have been we-,
lected with gw&l care.) and with the view of waiting all
who may favor them with their patronage. Their line of
■Boot* and Shoei is completed
Their LADIES’ MISSES’ and CEIL DEES'S SHOES
art* of* Citj make, and warranted*. Their Balmoral Shrew
far Ladies, aud MlfM*eH,-aro just the thing fur .wet
weather anUxsafing health ' :
Thankful to'the public for their very liberal patronage
/ heretofore, they tope to merit a conrihuanc'eof the same.
Store oo JfAjLV ST. next door to Bowmaa’s Exchange
Hotel. F SMITH A MANX.
~ Altoona, Majr 12, 1863.
ULTERIOR STOCK OF LIQUORS.
O —JOHN IH. FRITOITEf in now able to offer to
hili ,c«slqmei»|;aod the public “at large, v r stock of the
j-yreat Uqtiora brought into thin JaarketTfcoaiprising
.n parttbo followtng varieties +
tfHXfiKY-XlllfSll, SCOTCH, OLD BODKBON.
WINE—jfOHt, gRKItRV, OLD MADEIRA.
OTA HD, DDPPy i CO I‘ALEBRASDT-
These can all be warranted; and in addition to
the**, FBITCHBy haa on hand a large variety of Wines,
WhUky and Brandy, to which they invite. the«partidular
Attention of the public. ■
Altoona. May 12.1863.
HAMSIf HAMS! HAMS!-Lj„,t re
celvetl, 4: large lot of Hama
•d th* beet brands in market. Kvery £»ne sold is gtmnvn-
Mat ii FHXTCHBY’S
Vf ACKEBEL—NOS. 1,2, AND a,
-LvJL fn ail sized package#, new. aud each' package
warranted. Jofit receirad and for sale low by
' I AS! TjEAS! TEAS!—FIiITCHEY
JL is selling superior to any ever offered id Al
toona. They are free of adulteration, coloring, or mix
ture of aivjr kind;
Hardware of all desobip
tiuu* just received ami for sale by
i 15-tfj [; J. B. UHsBMAW
A BDOMINAL SUPPORTERS. Tms
paTjL aeaatul SUmjluerßracts for nalß at
G. W. KBSSLETS’I*
XTEW STOCK OF BOOTS A SHOES
*, , for_M.il nod Boy*, fAili.-r mid Mi'.*--, (nrt rec’d til
A NOTHEB LARGE LpT OF THE
A. CELKBBATKJ) J«Rj»KV lIAMB Jnet received end
hr »»le at ; ■ FIUTCIIkV'B
E. B. UcCRUM. ■ - ~ . J B.C.DERN,
, EDITOBB AND PIOPEItfOKS.
Ppr HiunvjD, (payubje invariably In advance,) $1 60
All papers diacoalinued at tbe expiration of the time
; 1 insertion : 2 do. 3 do.
Four lines or less *2B t 37*4 $BO
One Square, (8 lines) 80 78 1 00
Two i “ (10 “ ) 100 ,;i 60 200
Three “• (21 - 160 200 ■ 260
Over three weeks and leu than three months, .26 cents
per kquun* for each insertion.
: 3 months. O months. 1 year.
Six lines or leas $ 1 80 $ 3 OO $ 8 00
One square **o 4 00 TOO
Two ‘j 4 OO ' 6 00 10 00
Three 0 , 6 00 8 00 12 00
Four .. 6 00 'lO 00 14 00
Half a column f, 10 00 14 00 20 00
One column 14-00 ; 25 00 40 Qp
Administrators and Executors Notices 1 76
Merchants advertising by the year, throe squares. ■
With liberty to change.' ...i. Hi 00
Professional or Business Cards, not exceeding 6 lines
with paper, per year 6 00
Communications of a political character or individual
interest, will he charged according to the above rates.
Advertisements hot marked with the number of inser
tions desired, will be continued till forbid and charged
according to the above lerms.
business notices five cents per line for every insertion.
Obituary notices exceeding ten lines, fifty cents asqnare
ijlh, Jf from this valley lonely, *
* ! By the chilling fog oppressed,
, I could find an exit only,
: Oh, Lew would 1 feel mie blessed? .!
Yonder see I hills in splendor,
Younger, greener, ev’ry d»y. ;
find I now but pinions slender, ..
; Towards those bills I'd fly away.
Ttiere .died recently in a mil
lionaire gained Don Joachim Gomez,
whose property at his death amounted to
nearly five; million of dollars, and the cir
cumstances attending whose death would
form thie basis for a romance pf the most
thrilling sensational description. In for
mer yedrs, before the slave trade was so
much kept in check as it has been for the
few years past, the island of Cuba was the
great transatlantic depot, ;in which the
cargoes of slaves from the African coast
were landed and disposed of either to
.planters in Cuba ,or purchasers frpm the
Southern States. [ In this business, as is
well] known, rapid fortunes were made,
the profits of a single successful voyage
being sufficient for a brilliant fortune; but,
as a rule, the slave-traders, like all other
kind of gamblers, Verified the old adage.
“ Soomeamed, soon spent,” and as a con
sequence, Havana and the principal towns
on the island,'where these dealers resorted
to get rid of their gold, became the Meccas
for the penniless .pilgrims to the shrine of
fortune—for the most part desperate ad
ventmers, who, despairing of ever reach
ing the pecuniary pinnacle to which their
aspirations soared, by any process of honest
industry were ready to turn their wits and
bend their energies In any direction which
promised soonest to lead to the coveted and
wished for goal. Of course, all the ad
venturers who sought the shores of Cuba
were noil of this class, and there were no
doubt many who saw in the dim distance
an affluence earned by honest industry, and
endeavored to realize it; but tjbe number
of this class were in the minority. What
Sacramento and San Francisco were when
the gamiblers were in full blow', the prin
cipal towns ift Ouba were at the time the
deceased millionare arrived, some thirty
years ago, in Havana, a-penniless adven
turer fnjm,the Canary Isles, with plenty of
sharp wits, and an earnest desire to use
them to [some purpose. The ordinary high-,
ways toj fortune were crowded by hundreds
of as sharp-witted fellows iis himself, and
Gomez thinking it would take 100 long to
get the inside track of them on the beaten
path, left them and carved a new track for
himself, iby becoming a religious devotee.
He managed to, save, m a fefryetfrs, enough
monivy tjo start a small brokerage business
for the accommodation of sailors, and by
the reputation which lie gained for honesty
and integrity, soon increased Ijis business
until hej gained a respectable position in
society, and had the reputationjof doing a
thriving business. His reputation became
'known all over the city for honesty, and
he was accounted the very soul of honor,
and his reputation gained for htfn the en
tree to that circle which he desired to reach,
and which was closed to His brother ad
venturers —the old Castilian families. #
.1. MILKS M’CL'NE
Tl*iE= ALTOONA TRIBUNE.
TKBXS OP ADVXEIUnto
Harmonies I hear resounding,
1 Tones so sweet ami heavenly clear.
And the gentle zephyrs bounding
; Bring me fragrance incense here,
Gulden fruits I see.there beaming
' ’Mid the foliage bright and gay,"
Ami the flowers yonder gleaming.'
j Never can be winter's prey.
l|b, how great must be the pleasure
j Endless sunshine there to see,
And the air—beyond all measure,
i liow refreshing must it be.
ifut the roaring streams restrain me.
; I hushing furious here between;.
l(ising tides with fear constrain me.
• Ibnrur fills meal the scene.
Voudoi' see u boat is tult'iug;
; Bill h boatman,there i’ll -noed.
l|p and in it, without lot’nng;
i Ev’ry hail is blest indeed.;
I'.hmi must trust and ,ne\i*r; tarry,
j Fur the gods uafer pledge their band.
onderH only can thee cair) .
jSaiely to that fairy hind.
A | FEAEFUTj REVENGE.
ALTOONA, PA., WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER % 1863
Among the families in which he became
intimate was that of a celebrated physician,
whose family of a wife and two lovely
daughters, the eldest of whom was be
trothed to the-scion of one of the oldest
families in Havana. Gomez was smitten
with the charms of the youngest daughter,
but while the father, who had the highest
regard for him, would have accepted him
for a son-in-law, the girl could not*forget
her bid Castilian prejudices and the mature
age of Gomez at the same time, and when
he presumed to address her she spurned
him with the utmost contempt. Gomez
swallowed his disappointment and chagrin
without making a wry and witli much
art begged the girl’s fWgiveness tor his
presumption, and made her promise never
to let her father know of the matter, at
the same time he was burning to be re
venged on the whole family. An oppor
tunity soon presented itself. The physician
had long desired to visit the land of his an
cestors and made up his mind finally to
take his family there for a tour, intending
if he liked the country to settle there with
his family. He sold all his property, and
after placing the bulk of his money (§lOO,-
000) in the hancks of Gomez, for safe keep
After his departure Gomez increased his
business and grew rich rapidly, v After an
absence of two years, the doctor and his
family returned in company with his in
tended son-in-law, and it was intended
that the marriage should be celebrated
forthwith, with the greatest pomp and
splendor. The physician during his tour
in Europe had spent ail the money he had
taken with him, and after his return lie
called at the house ot his friend Gomez to
draw a portion of pis money. Gomez re
ceived him with the most affectionate dem
onstrations of friendship, and after drink
ing a bottle of wine together, the doctor
stated his business. G omez started at him
with well-eflected astonishment, and denied
that the physician had ever deposited any
money with him. The physician was sur
prised and endeavored to brush up his
friend’s memory by recounting the circum
stances ot the affair, but still Gomez domed
and challenged the doctor to produce anv
proofs of his having made such a deposit.
The fearful truth then hurst on the mind
of the victim. He had trusted his whole
fortune to the keeping ot this man without
a scrap of paper to prove it, and now he
was left penniless, and his family beggars.
He ran out of the banker's house scarcely
knowing and caring less where he ran.—
No one believed his story, the reputation
of his destroyer was above reproach, and
it was the general opinion that he had lost
his money gambling in Europe.
The marriage was broken up, and the
family retired to obscure apartments, where
the wife died after a short time. The
triumph of Gomez, however, was of short
duration. He had how attained the very
summit of his ambition. His mansion in
the “Calle do O’rreilly,” the aristocratic
quarter of Havana, was the most sumptu
ous in town, and every Sunday he was
"driven to the Cathedral in a magnificant
carriage, and occupied the front pew, the
envy of the less wealthy members of the
chifrch, while at the same time the poor
physician upon whose ruin these riches had
been built, was suffering with his family
the keenest pangs of despair. But the end
came. One Sunday, a few'weeks after the
occurrence related above, Gomez was in
his usual place in church, and when the
bell sounded for communicants to advance
to the alter rails, Gomez left his pew and
advanced. He had scarcely knelt down
when a man with unshaven beard and dis
hevelled hair was observed walking with
a quick pace -up the centre aisle. No
notice was taken, the congregation sup
posing him to be a communicant also.—
The stranger knelt down beside Gomez,
and remained there with bowed head until
the officiating priest came down the altar
steps to administer the sacrament, when
the stronger suddenly arose, and shoving
the’Clergyman back, cried, “This shall be
his sacrament,” at the same tithe breaking
a bottle of liquid on the head of Gomez,
and swallowing the contents of another
vial. He died instantly, and when the
horror-stricken congregation rushed up,
they recognized in the suicide the onca
prosperous and happy physician. Gomez
was taken home to hjs sumptuous residence,
which he never left fill death. The vial
contained a subtle preparation of poison
ous acids, which gradually eat away the
flesh off his head and face, and he became
u hideous object, so hideous that the
latter years of big life, he saw no person
only those who attended him. Tire two
daughters of the unfortunate physician
were driven by despair to lead dissolute
lives, and disappeared from Havana soon
after the melancholy affair which termi
nated their 1 parents existence. This story i
is no fable but a strict narrative of facta I
—the nape of the principle character be- |
lug slightly altered—r-as they were related |
to us by a gentleman who has been for a
long time’n resident in Cuba, and familiar
with the circumstances of the case a 5 we
have related them.-— Brooklyn Eagle,
«- A great fortune in the hands of a
fool is a great misfortune. '
. [independent in everything.]
A dead man was found a fjaw days
since, floating near the Brooklyn shore of
the East Kiver, and on being taken to
the dead house, was unhesitatingly recog
nized by a young woman and heri mother
as the husband of the former, to whom
she had been, married but a few 1 months
previously. The strong personal resem
blance of the deceased to the husband,
who had been for several days missing,
was fully confirmed by a very singular
circumstance, that settled the matter be
[ yond all question in the minds of both.—
The missing husband was known to have
worn, on leaving heme, a woolen under
,shirt, that his wife, in sport, had orna
mented with some kind of fancy stitch in
the closing up of the garment on one side,
and not having suitable buttons a|t hand,
had in the same spirit substituted hooks
and byes upon the bosom. Both p( these
peculiarities, very singularly, existed in
the undershirt found upon the deceased.
The youthful widow, as she imagined j
herself to be, thrown upon her own re- (
sources lor support, obtained a situation |
in the store of a fashionable millinery es- i
tablishment, where her good looks, and
especially a display of luxuriant curls, .
attracted the attention of u young man |
who had occasion to pass the place on his j
way to New York, and seeking her ac
quaintance, oft’ered her marriage, which
she accepted, after satistiying herself as to
his correctness of character.
They, had been married but a few
months, when the wife was beyond meas
ure astonished one day by the re-appear
ance of her former husband, who could
give no satisfactory reason beyond a mere
freak of fancy', for his sudden disappear
ance, and her second partner, having in
every way proved more worthy and desi
rable than the first, she refused to comply
with his demand of resuming her relations
to him as wife. He then sought redress
through the aid of the law, and the sub
ject was brought before one of the court*.
Able counsel was employed on both 1 sides,
and the singularity of the affair made it
tor tlie time, as would naturally bje sup
posed, a matter of much public interest,
which was in no small degree enhanced
by the personal, charms of the defendant
in the case. When the presiding, judge
had heard the evidence and arguments on
both sides, and haa taken a proper time
to consider the case, he decided that in
consequence of the voluntary abandon
ment of his wife by the first husband, for
which he could offer no reason whatever,
providing no means in his absence for her
support, and the second husband pro
viding in every way more worthy jthe re
gard she professed for him in refusing to
return to her former partner, he Consid
ered it but common justice that she should
be allowed to choose for herself between
the two. It is scarcely necessary to add
that she decided in favor of her last hus
band. The two left the court roejm to
gether, amid applause from the spectators
that the presiding officer had as little in
clination as he had power to suppress.
There may have been less of law than of
common sense in such a decision, but its
justice was no less apparent than the wis
dom of Solomon in the matter of the two
women in relation to the child ; and it
was so regarded by the public at large
A Kind Judge.—A very learned and
compassionate judge in a western State on
passing sentence On one Jones, who had
been convicted of murder, concluded his
remarks as follows:
The fact is, Jones, the court did not at
firet intend to order yon to be executed be
fore next spring; but the weather is so
very cold; our jail }s unfortunately in a
bad condition ; much of the glass in the
windows is broken ; the chimneys are in
such a dilapidated state that no fire can be
made to render your apartment comforta
ble ; besides, owing to a great number of
prisoners, not more than one blanket can
be allowed to each; and to sleep souiid and
comfortably, is therefore out of the! ques
tion. In consideration of these circum
stances, and wishing to lesson your Suffer-*
ings as much as possible, the court, in the
exercise of its humanity and compassion,
do hereby order you to be executed to
morrow morning, as soon after breakfast
as may be convenient to the Sheriff and
agreeable to you.
“A Whole Naoek.” —At a recent ne
gro celebration, an Irishman stood listen
ing to Fred. Douglas, who was expatiating
upon Government* and Freedom, and as
the orater caqje to a period from the high
est political heights, the Irishman! said:
“Be dad, he speaks well for a nager.’’
“Don’t you know,” said one,- “that he
isn’t a negro ? he is only half negro.”
“Only a half nager, is he ? Well, if a
half nager can tialk in that style, I’m
thinking a whole nager might beat the
“ Ma, get down oh your-hands and
knees a minute, please.”
“Why, what shall I do that for pet.”
“ Cause I want to draw an elephant.”
SINGULAR CASK OF MISTAKEN
“ It is a great thing to mind one’s own
business,” said a certain philosopher ; and
he was right It is a;“great thing” toi'
let other people’s business alone, and this;
i much is implied by the maxim above quo-!
ted. In fact, there is hardly a class of;
I pests in modern society—and they ’ are .
numerous —so superlatively contemptible
as that class known as tattlers or meddlers
|in other people’s business. We don’t.
| admire a thief ; we have no affinity for;
! gamblers ; we abominate drnnkarks, and
■ have no respect for misers; but either of
; these are first class gentlemen in compari
j son. with the inquisitive jealous minded
; tattler, who goes mousing about in a garb
1 ot social respectability, puking his nose or
| fingers into the affairs of his neighbors,
i and seizing upon; every frilling circum
j stance that comes: within the wide swoop
j of his remorseles curiosity for the purpose
jof making capital against those whose
| character he cannot understand, because
jit is pure and above impeachment. These
| mischief making - busy bodies arp simply
lan unmitigated nuisance, and should be
1 frowned upon by all sincere lovers of
social peace and happiness. The man of
woman Who can find no better employ
ment than tattling, had better jump into
the nearest body ,ot water and become
tood for respectable fishes. In that way; j
the tinny tribe would gain a little in their
commissary department, and society above
water bo immensely purified.
Loastini; Onk’s Ski.f.—lf the Lord has
i beautified us with, many graces and gifts
: above otliors, we must not exalt ourselves
i above others ; we must look upon our
j solves as considered in ourselves, to be the
| same still. . Can the wall say it bath light
| upon it ? So, if God hath shined upon
thee, and left others in darkness, art thou
the bettor of thyself ? Shall the pen boast
itself because it hath written a fair epistle?
Who made it ? Who put ink in it 1 Who
guided it ? The glory belongs not to the
pen bui to the writer. What though God
hath used thee, and not others, in some
great work > The praise is His, not thine,
we praise not the trumpet, but him that
sounds it. Paul was a better trnmpeter
than ten thousaijj-1 others, and yet he saith:
“1 am nothing.” The smoke, a dusty and
obscure vapor, climbs up into the light,
rising alxive the pure air around it. Many
exalt themselves above their brethern, for
gifts and outward things, which are the
trapping, and make not the difference be
tween man and man ; !md if a man were
the taller because lie stood on a hill, or a
man had a better body because he had a
better suit on, he is the same man still. —
We are not to be proud even of our graces,
much less of outward things.— Preston.
An Old Lady’s Advice to heb Son.—
“Now, John, listen to me—l’m older
than you, or I could’nt be your mother.
Never do you marry a young woman, be
fore you have contrived to happen to be
around four or five times before breakfast.
You should know how late she lies in bed
in the morning. You should take notice
whether her complexion Is the same in the
morning as in the evening, or whether the
wash, and towel have robbed ter of her
evening bloom. You should take care to
surprise her, so that you may see her in
her morning dress!, and observe how her
hair looks when she is not expecting you.
If possible, you should be where you can
hear the morning conversation between her
and her mother. If she is ill-natured and
snappish to her mother, so she will be to
you, depend on it. But if you find her up
and dressed neatly fn the morning, with
the same smiles, the neatly combed hair,
the same ready and pleasant answers to,
her mother, which characterized her de
portment in the evening, and particularly
if she is lending a hand to get the brakfast
in good season, she is a prize, John, and
the sooner you secure her to yourself, the
A Funny Mistake. —One negro, slum
bering with his feet pointing to a glim
mering fife. Opens one eye, and gets a
glimpse of them, as they (stand up in the
obscurity. Mistakes them for two little
negroes, and cries; ‘Gif fum ’fore mel*
and relapses into sleep. After a while,
opens the! other eye, and still seeing the in
truders, says: ‘Gif fum ’fore me, I say,; I
kitk you in de fire if yon don’t; 1 Will,
shu’ —’ and again he snores. His dreams
not being pleasant, lie soon opens both
eyes, and still seetfig the little pests,! he
draws up his foot for the threatened kick,
but is alarmed to see the enemy advance
upon him, and exclaims: ‘Wha, where
you cornin’ to, now? Humph!' my own
foot, by golly !”
“ mister, give me a bundle
of hay ?” : ! .
“ Yes, my son. ■ Sixpence or shilling
bundle ; . .
“Is it for your lather ?” ’ i
“ No, guess ’taint —its for the boss, nay
father don't eat hay
|&“Thc quota of Kansas Is officially
stated at 1,656.
Sutherland, who baa been on trial at In*
dianapolis Ibr'four dayß roFfllling'BSddy
: A. Small, was acquitted on Thon&y.—
His wife andthree children’ were in COurt
: at the time. After the announcement of
the verdict there followed a sceac says the
Indianapolis J wnui, not often witnessed
.in a court rootn. - SW pViiQMf ; ' thftt wfts
—a prisoner npw ; no longer—fell upon his
knees, and lifting his eyes toward heaven,
uttered an earnest prayer of thanksgiving
and praise to the God, whose justice and
mercy had been so wonderfully manifested
in him. The prayer was irresistibly , elo
quent, and when Amen was pronounced.
Amen came back in response from every
part of the room, and there were tears in.
every eye. All rose to their feet; the ac
quitted man advanced and took each j un
man by the hand with a fervent “God
bless you! You have saved an innocent
man from shame and disgrace ; you have
taken a foul stain from my name.' God
bless you!” And to the prosecutor, whose
conduct in the case commands admiration
from all for fairness and honesty, he gave
a cordial “God bless you!” The old white
haired father, whose firm trust had sup
ported the son in the darkest hours of trial,
now melted in fears of joy that his boy was
acquitted of guilt, and his own: good name
remained untarnished. The J udge, wiping
his eyes of the tears that had come unbid
den, ordered the Sheriff to adjourn the
Lyceum Eloquence.— Bill Smith, a
character in more ways than one, and
especially noted for his flights of eloquence,
spoke as follows upon the question:
“Which is man’s greatest safeguard—the
dog, or the gun?” j
He espoused the cause of the dog, and
after pronouncing an affecting eulogy upon
that noble animttl,"he demolished his ad
versaries and brought down the house by
the following passage:
“Soppsin’, for a tjtomentary moment,
Mr. President, that you, sir, was travling,
and suppose, sir, that night was to over
take you, and you should have to camp in
some dark howlin wilderness! And, in
the black midnight, when yon laid fast
asleep in the arms of Metamorpheous, a
bar, painter, or other venomous inseck was
to spring upon, what good would our gun
do you then! And, Mr.'President, your
dbg would have said by his forewarnin’
lamentations: ‘ ‘Take keer I look out! he’s
a comm!” 1
F amily Records.- —The post office in a
town in Dixie, was kept in the bar-room of
a tavern a great resort for loungers. An
old chap more remarkable for his coarse
ness and fidelity than for -hie manners, was
sitting there one day with a lot of hie boon
companions, when the Methodist minister,
a new comer, entered and asked for letters.
Old Swipes spoke np bluntly.
“Are you the Methodist parson, just
come here to preach?”'
“I am,” pleasantly- replied the minister.
“Well,” said Swipes, “will you. tell ,me
how old the devil is?” ' ■
“Keep your own family record,” replied
the minister, and left the bouse amid the
roar of the company.
A Noble Fellow. —‘ln the great battle
of Gettysburg, the color sergt of the Six
teenth Vermont fell mortally wounded.
At once a doxen men rushed up to seize
the colors and bear them forward. The
poor wounded sergeant grasped the staff
with both his clenched hands; his eyes
were already dimmed with death ; he Could
not see who it was that tried to wrest his
-charge from him, “Are you friends or
enemies ?” he cried out. “We are friends,
: was the reply, “give us the colors.” “Then,
friends,” said he,“l am mortally wounded;
let me hold up the flag till I die”—so say
ing; he fell back dead. Surely, a nobler
; soldier than this poor fellow never lived.
O' Wealth is not acquired, aj many
persons suppose, by fortunate, speculations
: and splendid enterprises, but by the daily
practice of-industry, frugality, and econ
omy. He who relies upon these means will
rarely be found destitute and whosoever
■relies upon any other will generally become
“I wish you would not smoke cigars!”
saida plump little black eyedgirl to her
lover. . -
“ Why not smoke as well as ypur chim
“Because chimneys don’t smoke lyhen'
they are in good order.”
He has quit smoking.
tSeg“ We heard a good story the o#ier
bight of two persons engaged in. a duel.
At the first fire, one of the seconds propoed
that they should hands and make
up, The.other second sauThesawnopar
ticular necessity for that, for their hands
had been shaking ever since they began!
’ • ' ■" - ■'■-.w'
; Or Never trouble trouble, until trouble
troubles you ; tor trouble unmet is often
fid.trouble at all. 1 '