ssa^. i. L <*«*«» ■P” aod tweTi „ »»d bcniod lo*opS2? ty P»r^j PH®Bast«s3®£i IPUM, Scientttb Ola***,-] >SS2bW «lb«t*Buiu half Wnttlw^til,*** 1 oi «W» SUwilM-H Pamphlet J»»*Tb2i l riT l “ ct •’Mol , lll ; « 00 ‘l l.i J MMad, wftlv packertand ««wS4B^^!-* , * WI I |ESSm,i4 Ada™,, y clS^'l PcQftnUAOKRN.at the 1 pssaass-jK-^Ba 11l - s|"| Jl ■ft $5 8 . § . ►■ .Hr fts »»s S’sg '; Vifllli' BHi £3s § bI si > es © M. bS , ifl NWARD * EVER ONWARD ;. STEP BY STEP! K UNDERSIGNED DEiSIREfiTO librm his old customer* and the ' ibis spring gone into the. Dry^3^^fi” ll? jnstrneelTed a largo end entlrt^S^' 1 j )RESS GOO D S Unat, embracing nil the latest, prattle.! »Ld „„„ A.SHIONABLK PATTERNS ong Which may 1 W found every quality hf I To the line of pure, fresh mid cheap OCEEIES&PEOVISIONS 1 n " knock under” to any of my Competitor. r„ i artment T feel sure that I can render satisfaction ud* of country , produce taken in . id the highest tdarket price allowed e **^* W * fa„ s^^n^?’ antly on hand read, cakes, candies IGE CBEAM CHEATS, of hi. own vaubotiire, which be mi to««iK wholesale or retaft, at the rnoet rea-nn. it AUo, FOREIGN FRUITS, recti m ■ ' tEMONS, PINE-APPLES, WNES, EAISINS, NUTS, &c„ &C.. Ito their respective a&uoa*. □SS BAKED TO ORDER, on .hort notice and in the ii«t- Bt nyle of tke art. • “ Price 'my stock and yon willfoid u can bo pnrebaaed elsewhere. s, Tixi and Sheet-Iron Ware. SPOUTING, &C. JOG WOULD RESPECT gj. the clttacn. of aUtoaufli^ 22 > conjtantly on tthMW dt (heEiap, Ihrlor, (Mill * *l toehlt theU^^i be Will sell at on reason toope on hand a targe stock ot-X* OJtd Shtel- aHarticlea for cntnaryporpoaM— taogrctawod the rigjjt of sale in Blair county PROVED SAUSAGE STXIFFER, ■n rttch needa only to bo seen tobempprecia- Mh n^3ftin« y * rer3 ' Imteber or tboee fooWrattentkni paidto pqtttogapSPpOTXNa. H. PETTINGEB’S News Agency, Al-L, Jfo. 7, MAIN STREET QL BOOKS, BLANK BOOKS: WERY, CONFECTIONARIES JABS •& TOBACCO, ® NOnOKS INGKEAT VAKTCTY . COSBTAHTLT ON HAND. U. lofll. LLOYD&GO., " ‘ ALTOONA, PA.. STON, JACK & CO., . j SOLLmATSBUBti; FA., ?KEES, > $C« ”J • ?TS ON THE PRINCIPAL •bd SUrer and Gold for sale- Collection*: f Wcoftod on depoatta, parable on demand,! »*> or ttpan time, at foif rateaJ ; .KESSLER—PRACFJCAi fwlfilj ffiNWCtMIT MBOWBWt- . . M Inf Altoona and tbft t »tllIcontInoe» tba Pro* tta. PEPOaMW i “ IW4i price aud quality, he hope* live a Aan er public patronage, tao BMRhaata.sD|qpltad oa teaaonaUe u-rn from a tttataqce prompter att«uied teM,JgS2, \,-V, , _ AND LARD OUfi# GA.V Bria, Quton 00, ® AT MomjastlC»:;S ; Stor. !W Mwrto*nt rf lUMy*" cW KIES.-_A£ABGE "AND HAT, fOQTH; SHAVING OIL, GOLOG#*iB, PGJ« •»)»» Cn*«,ToO*t McCUITM & BERN, VOL.. 8. •I'HK ALTOONA TRIBUNE. , „ McOHVM. ... - - 11. r. I.KHN. EDITORS AJID PJIOPRIKTO^S. ivr annum, (payable* InTariably in a£»«DC«,> $1 60 ill papers iliwimtinned at tbe expiration of the time lor TERMS OP ADVERTISING , , u r lines or |e*5.......... $ 25 $ J 7 H -4» <,| U ;»re. (8 tinea) ?... *0 *»'- 1 «■ 1 .. . 00 Cumniuolcations of a political character or individual mri-rest. will be charged according to the above rates. \ What oppresses thee so sore* What a new and stranger life; Thee I recognize uo more Flown is everything though lovedat. Flown the-pains. with which thou niuvetlM Flown thy ardor and thy peace— Oh. how rameat thong)) to this ! Ohaitrt the fast that blooming youth. From as beauteous as a flower. Olance an full of love am! truth. With a never ending power* Would 1 tear me froth her bunds. Man myself mid flee her hands. , In that very moment then. Leads my way to her again. And hy this enchanted threat). Which I seek in.vain to break. Holds me fast the lovely maid. Spite of all the strife I make ; In her circle she enchants me. There must live just as she wants me. What a change is this to see! L>»ve! oh. Love! do let nie be! BEAUTIFUL LINES. WV bod the following beautiful line* going the rounds .1 uiir exchanges', bearing the title of ” October Harvest We gather thorn in—the mellow fruits— From the slintb, the vine ami tree. With their russet and golden and purpk suit-v T<> garnish our treasury. Aciul board. When we leave our care* l>ehiud. We gather them in—the good!)* store— hut not with a miser's gust: For the great All Father we adore. Hath but given it in trust. And our work of death is but for life In the wintry days to come; Tbeu a blessing upon the reaper's strife. And a shout at fais Harvest Home. , Jirtwf Upscrilang. A HARMLESS JOKE. “ Can you tell me the way to Metropo- litan street?” inquired a gentleman, evi- [; ilently a stranger, of a young man who, i with a group of acquaintances of about i. his own age, was standing on the corner uf R- street, in the city of Boston. The young man glanced at his compan ions, as if to attract their attention, and I lien directed the stranger in a totally dif ferent direction from that which he had lieen following. , \ “ Are yon hire that I must tajke the right hapd street instead of the left v ' ask ed the stranger, evidently in somewhat of u hurry,ashe received an affirmative reply, and walked in the given direction at a quick pace, after thanking his informant. I “Oh! Arthur, how could you !” asked I George Arnold, as soon as the stranger I passed out of hearing. “I’m sure it is I wrong to misdirect a stranger, and especi ally when in such anxiety and haste its that gentleman appeared to he in.” he re j marked. “You can’t appreciate a harmless Joke, but I can, and I never lose an op |iortunity to play off practical jokes upon I fiends or strangers.” he retyrned. “ I don’t think it was just the thing, s Arthur,’’ observed Julius Mason. “ The ! gentleman who, perhaps, is on inrgent busi i ness, can ill afford the lime he will lose I by taking the route yon gave him, and I may perhaps abandon his attempts to find I the street, ‘which is almost in aighi from | liere, and which he might have reached in S- lire minutes, had you given him a proper ' direction.” . •* Don’t worry about what does not con- I <-ern you,” relied Arthur, somewhat, cooly. I “ Perhaps you might he able to overtake I the man and tell him the proper course.” I “ Which! would do, had I the least I idea that I should be able to' catch him, j t itiii it Is almost imposible, when there are j | many pedestrians, and he may have I gone contrary to your direction, and find- | I >ng a civil person, has had bis proper direc | t,on given him,” remarked Caleb Man- Hing. “ You are quite a hero! Upon my word 1 did not give you credit for so much i'n !#niouspe» and valor. Are you not a lit; de personal in your- remarks, young sir?” •Ported Arthur, who was becoming some sWhat exnStife' ' 1 insertion 1 No reply Was made to the remark, and feeling that eve most, if not every ode of his companions were displeased with the part he had faken in the affair, by misin forming the | stranger, he prudently con cluded to tnkj? his leave of the company. Which soon later separated, and the young men went home. “ But if ho should not come V inquired the feehle woman, whose last hour upon this Journey lof life was slowly ebbing away. ' : I “'He telegraphed that he would come, and if he clods not, it is from some una voidable cause,” was the reply, as the fair girl bent Over her dying mother, while the tears cOufsed down hpr cheeks. iln broken j accents the mother contin ued: ■ | ■ “They tell me he was with £dward when he died, and that he will bring the last words of] .my son, to me, to-night., Yet I fear be Cannot come.” Swiftly papsed the moments now, and every one was hastening the time when she who had been the “ all in air to the little household, w|>uld cast off the fetters of earth, and hasten on angel wings to the realms of happiness. “ Alice, I 4m dying,” she at length mur mured, and a| the loved and loving ones assembled jit I her bedside, she whispered 'cords of parting, and bid them prepare to meet her in a better world, where parting is unknown. : A few moments and; the spirit had flown, and the grief of the stricken ones burst torth in uncontrollable sobs. A year passed, ami the scene previously described hadibeeh partially effaced by the harpd of time.J One line morning in June, the two friends, Julias Mason and Caleb Manning, (wljo rebuked Arthur Mendun for misdirecting the stranger,) were walk ing “down tdwn” together, when the fol lowing conversation passed between them: “It seems that Alice Goddard is mar ried.” ;; > ■ “ Indeed ! to- whom !" “ To Theaijore Elcroft, of Baltimore.” “ I thought she was engaged to Arthur Mendon.” i “ She i was,| but an incident occurred which induced the young lady to request that the engagement be cancelled.” “Do you jtnow the particulars,” in quired Caleb. | “Yes. It iseems Jhat on the night of her mother's Ideath a person, Theodore Elcroft, was tb arrive in Boston from Bal timore. A brother of Alice, George by natne, was suddenly taken ill in Baltimore, and died at tlje house of Mr. Elcroft, who immediately for this city with messages which George wished- him to communicate |o his mother previous to her death. Mr. Elcroft arrival, and hav ing lost* his why in travelling our narrow, crooked streetf, accosted a gentleman for information: iThat Gentleman, instead of giving the strapger a straightforward direc tion, told him ltd proceed in an entirely different direction, which the stranger did, and, prbceediifg some miles without asking his way, found himself at the south part ot the city and, as it was growing late, he gave up the task to renew his search the next morning. During the night the mother died, without hearing the message from her son.” “I remember the circumstance, and I also rememberthat we reprimanded Arthur fof his‘harmless practical joke.’ ” “Well, the gentleman found the house the next day. and found slso, to his sur prise and regret, that he had been near the very spot the previous evening.” He related Ithe circumstance to' Alice, and features and appearance of Arthur, whom she recognized at once by Theodore's, description, as the gentleman who had caused Mr. Elcroft to go out of his way. {Sin i soon after sought an inter view with Ayt lUr, and a separation ensued. She thought a man who was given to play ing “ practica jokes” upon people, was not a suitable person for a husband, and she had a narrow escape of it, as Arthur is now employ ed at a State Institution in Charleston. !e tried to pass counterfeit bills, “just: fo ■ a joke,” but the Court thought it no joke, and therefore sent him where joking ,s not allowed. “So he lost! the heiress, and got into the State's pri son by joking. V “Yes, and .. hope his story will induce young mein to be careful, and not misdi rect; people- vylb apply to them for the di rection of certain streets, thereby causing much trouble |n many cases, and some times resulting in something pore than a ‘Harmless Mke.' " A negro about dying was told by his minister that he must forgive a certain darkey’ against whom he seemed to enter tain very bittejr feelings. “Yes, yes,” he replied, “If I Idles I forgive dal nigga; bat if I gits well, dat nigga must take car.’ 1 j.' A lover, writing to his sweetheart, says: “ You aire so sweet that honey would blush in yo ur jwesenoe and molasses stand appalled;” •: t ■ ALTOONA, PA., WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 1863 [From The Banter HiU diirom.] SURGICAL EXAMIRATTOH OF A COUNTRY CONSCRIPT. The other day,. Chief Engineer Dean, of the Fire Department, called at the office where 1 make shoes for a living, and handed me a big white envelope, notify ing me that I was drafted and must re port myself for examination at Lawrence, on. the 18th of August. Now, I consider it the duty ,of every citizen to give his life, if need be, for the defense of his country, so on the morning of the eventful 18th,Tput on a clean shirt and my Sunday clothes,, and started for Lawrence, to see if I could,-get exempted. Lawrence* is situated on the Merrimao river, and its principal productions are mud, dust, and factory girls. The city proper, at least that part which 1 saw, consisted of if long, narrow entry, up one flight of stairs, adorned overhead with a frescoing of gasmeters, and carpeted with worn out tobacco quids, and furnished with one chair, two settees, and as many huge, square packing-cases, marked Q. M. ,D.” Scattered around this palatial entrance hall were forty or fifty conscripts, looking very much as if they expected to be exempted by reason of old age be fore the young man with ferocious mous tache should notify their turn. Must of them, however, were doomed to disap pointment, for while they counted the hours of delay, the door would suddenly open, and the tall young man would single out a man, and inarch him through the open doorway to be seen no more. ■ By-and-hy —that is, after several hours waiting —my turn came. yt John Smith,!" shouted the door keeper. “ That’s me,’’ says I, and with a cheer from the crowd, I entered a large square room where two persons sat waiting at a table, and a third, evidently a surgeon, was examining a man in the last state of miditv. One of the writers at the table, a young man with curly eyes and blue hair, nod ded to me, and dipping his pen in the ink, commenced— ‘■John .Smith what’s your name ?” •‘John Smith,” says I. . ;• Where was you born i" “ i’odunk. Maine.” “ What did your great grandmother die of!,, “ Darned if I know,” says I “ Call it hapentap,” says he, your grandfather, too?” “ I don’t care what you call it,” nays 1; for 1 was a little riled by his nonsensical question. ' “ Did you ever have boils?” says he. “ Not a boil!” ■“ Or fits !" “ Nary fit ” Or delirium tremens?'' “No, sir eel” “ Or rickets ?” “ I’ll Ticket you,” says I ; for I thought he meant something else. “ Did you ever have the measles ?" says he. Here 1 took off my coat “ Or the itch ?” “ Yes, Sir,” I —that ere fist (and I shoved a very Large brown one within three inches of his nose) has been itching for the last ten ’ minutes to knock your pesky head off, you little, mean, low lived, contemptible whelp, you.” “My dear Sir.” said the mild-spoken, gentlemanly Surgeon, laying his hand on my arm, “calm yourself, I pray. Don’t let your angry passion rise, but take off your clothes, »o that I can see what you are made of.” So I suppressed my anger, and With drawing to a corner I hong my clothes up on the floor, and presented myself for examination, clad only with the covering Nature had given, except about an inch of square court-plaster on my right shin, where I had fallen over a chair, the night before, ..feeling for a match. “ Young man,” said the Surgeon, look ing me straight in the eye, “ you have got, the myopia.” “ Yes, Sir,” said I, “ and a good one, too—a little Bininger, with a drop of Stoughton, makes an excellent eye-opener of a morning.” “ And" there seems to be an amaurotic tendency of the right eye, accompanied with opthalmia.” “Shaw!”. say# I. “ And that white spot in the left eye betokens u cataract.” I guess you mean in the ear,” says I, ’cause I went in swimming this morn ing, and got an all-tired big bubble in my left ear;” and here I jumped up and'down two or three times on my left foot, but to no purpose. As soon as I stopped, he mounted a chair, and commenced feeling the top of my head. “ Was your family ever troubled with epilepsy ?” says he. ‘‘Only the two boys,” says 1; “ when they catch them, my wife always goes at tbem with a fine-tooth comb the first thing.” Jumping off the chair he hit me a hick in the ribs that nearly knocked me over, and before i had time to remonstrate, his arms were round my neck, find his head [iNDEPENIWNT IN KVKBTTHDfO.] pressed against my bosom the same way that Sophia Ann does when she wants me to buy her some new bonnets and things. Just what I thought,” says he : ■“ tu berculosis*, and heraoptpsis, combined with a defect in the scapular membrane* and incipient phthysis!” “ Heavens!” says I, “.what’s that V •• And cardiac diseases.” “ No!” said I. “ And pendardites!” “Thunder!” said 4. “Stop talking. Now count after me— one!” ■‘One,” said I, -dead with fright. “ Asthma! Two.” “ Two!” I yelled. “ Kxotis of the right tehuler! Three.” “ Three.” I gasped. ‘‘ C'oxalgia! Four.” Murder!” said I. “ Four.” *‘ Confirmed duodenum of, the right ventricle! Five.’’ “ Oh, Doctor, ain’t you most through * J feel faint.” •‘Through* No, not half through.— Why, my friend, Pandora’s box was uotbr ing to your chest. You have sphynix iana, and gloriosis, and eonchoilogia, and persiflage, and—” Here my knees trembled so 1 leaned against the table for support. “ And permanent luxation of the ante rior lolte of the right phalanx.” My only answer was a deprecatory gesr tore. “ And scrofulous diathesis and omniu podites.” I sank to the floor in utter despair. “ Klutriatioii!” he yelled, for he saw 1 was going fast —“and inaxillariiu, and—’' " I was aquainted with a well disposed young gentleman of large fortune, whose only fault was the habit of swearing—- such a habit, that he often declared he would give half his fortune to be rid-of it. This desire came to the ears of a Quaker, who thereupqp had an interview with the young gentleman, and said : ‘ I can cure thee of that habit.” Whereupon the youth caught hold of the old Quaker’s hand and gave it a hearty shake, saying; “ How can you perform the miracle?” “ I can tell thee. I see that thou art about my size : nobody will know thee ; thou shalt come to my house, put on my cocked hat, the coat without buttons, the knee-breeches and the shoe-buckles ; and thouh shalt find that the strangeness of the dress will have such an effect upon thee when thou art going to talk, that if will restrain thee swearing—as thou, perhaps, knowest, my friend, that we Quakers never swear.” The young man cheerfully 1 assented to the proposal, and accompanied the Qua ker to his house, where, after changing his clothes; he took bis departure in the £arb of a Quaker and went on his way: rejoicing. The period of the young gen tleman’s tour elapsed, and the Quaker, all anxiety, started to meet him Having met him, he said: “ And “ Well, friend, how hast thou got on?’’ “ Very well,” replied the young man. “Hast thogh sworn so much with that dress on ?” The young man, rubbing the sleeves of his coat, replied: “ Certainly not; but I felt a d d big inclination to lie!” Shhkwd. —Said an Irishman to the telegraph operator: “ Do you ever charge anybody for the address in a message ’’’ “ No,” replied the operator. “ And do ye charge for signing his name. sir?” : •'' i “No, sir.” | “ Well, then, will you please send this? 1 just want my brother to know , I am here,” handing the following: ' “To John M’Flinn- —at New York. ——(signed) Patrick M’Flinn.” It was sent as a tribute to “Patrick’s” shrewdness. Job’s Phophesy of the Iron Clads; —“ His scales arh His pride, shut up to gether as with' a (dosed seal; one is so near to another that no air can come be tween them. When he raiseth himself up the mighty are afraid ; by reason of break ings they purify themselves; he esteemeth iron as straw and brass as rotten as wood; The arrow can not make him flee; strong stones are turned with him into stubble; He maketh the deep to boil like a pot; he maketh the sea like a pot of ointment; he maketh a path to shine after him; tie mak eth the deep to be hoary.” MT Hogs are patterns of good humor. Hit them a kick, and they forget, it as soon as they are out of reach. Dog them, and they root as happy as ever the | minute they are left alone. MT A man to spell “ crock ery,” and proceeded thus—kraughkoar reighe. A 810 IHCLIHATIOH, A BRAVE BOY. ; When 1 was a boy, I lived among the (•reel) Mountains of Vermont; in .winter making snow forts and gliding down the. steep hills, and in summer and autumn wandering over the mountain after powers or nuts, or catching the beautiful trout from the. brooks. But my,brother in Wis consin wrcrte to me to come to him, and I went- Our house was on .what was then called Baxter’s Prairie. : The prairie was covered with flowers, and the many clear hikes around abounded in fish and ducks ; but our principal food Was hoe-cakc and salt-pork. j One of our neighbore bad had no meat for some time, and getting out of powder, they hpd no game. So one day they sent lip their oldest son, a boy; about ten years old, for a piece of pork. ;As he was car rying it homewards and going through a piece of woods by Silver Lake, he heard a rustling of the leaves in a thicket by the roadside. He stopped and listened —all was still. Again he pushed forward; again the leaves rustled behind him, and the thought he heard a stealthy step.— Again he stopped; everything' Was still, except the gentle dash of;the waves upon the pebbly beach, and the rapid beating of his own heart. He dreaded to go forward, arid dared not stay, for he saw night was approach-, ing, when the woods always echoed with the sound of the hungry wolf, anti the sav age beai% and the stealthy catamount came out from their dens. So, picking up a club, lie again started homeward. Again came the stealthy step behind him, nearer ami nearer, until he saw a gaunt and sav age wolf creeping after him; and, as he hurried on, still clinging to his meat, the wolf was coming nearer and nearer, and he might at any moment soring upon him. Still the .boy, though he trembled in every limb, did not lose his presence of, mind. He remembered having heard bis father say that if any one faced a wild animal, and looked it square in the eye, it would not dare to attack him. He turned around, faced the hungry wolf, and commenced walking backwards toward his home, still a long mile and a half away. As the woods grew darker, the wolf came nearer, showing his white teeth, with the hair bristling upon his back. The courageous boy knew that if he gave up his piece of pork, he was safe,-and could run home unmolested : but he knew that there were hungry ones at home await ing his return So backwards he went, step by step. As. the wolf came near, he hit him square upon the head with a stone, when, with an angry yelp, the wolf sprang into the thicket, and set rip a long and dismal howl. The boy listened to hear if there were answering howls, and hearing none, took courage; but Soon the savage beast, maddened with hunger, came at him again. With his club he gave him a well directed blow between the eyes, which sent him howling back again into the thicket. Again and again was: the contest re newed. Many times did the savage animal make a spring at the lad; and many tunes did the. brave boy beat hitn off, until at last he came near the log-cabin of his pa rents. when the disappointed wolf, with a long and wailing sound, dashed away into the woods. Trembling with excitement, and wet with perspiration, the boy dropped the me'at upon the floor, ? crying: ■‘Mother I’ve got it,”and fell exhausted at his mother’s feet. ' An Item foe the Home Cibci.e.— Somebody says, and truly too, that there are few families anywhere, in which love is not abused as furnishing the license for impoliteness. A husband, father, or brother, will speak harsh ; words to those he loves best, simply because the security of love and family pride keeps him from getting his head broken.' It is a' shame that a man will speak more impolitely, at times to his wife or sister than he would to any other female, except a low vicious one. It is thus that Die: honest affections of a man’s nature prove to be a , weaker protection to a woman in the family circle than the restraints of society and that,a woman usually, is indebted for the kindest politeness of life to thosd not belonging to her; own household. Things ought not to : be so; The man who, because it will not be resented, inflicts his. spleen and bad. temper upon those of his hearthstone, is a small coward and a very: mean man. Kind; words are circulating mediums between true gentlemen and ladies at home, and no polish exhibited in society can a(one for the harsh language and disrespectful treat ment too often indulged In between those bound together by God’s own ties of blood, and the more sacred of coiyugal love. ;■ ■ i Mr There is a class of people whe ask you why you don’t come to their house, but never say “ do.” They are related to the gentleman who has always a note to make up whenever you .wish to effect a small loan from him. ■' J ■- 's&The crown of virtue is peace and honor. ’ EDITORS AND PROPRIETOR A 6009 STORY. In the Editor’s Drawer of ffarper'n Magaeme was the foltowrog gooii story of Illinois soldiers and an Dlinois >Colowrf— the latter Colonel Oglesby, well, known to fame: , “ Well, one day his fife and drum ma jors went out into the woods to practice a new tune. Attracted do doubt by the melody, a fine fat shoat of musical procli-, vities came near— alas! for the safety ut his own bacon too near—for our base drummer, ‘by a change of base,’ made a base attack oh his front; while the filer by a bold and flank movement, charged in the rear. ’Twas soon over; a tew well directed volleys of clubeuud otherpersua sives were applied, aud piggy went dead again, a martyr to his love for music! But hbw to get the deceased porker to camp ? That’s what’s the matter now. After considerable discussion, an idea stftick the drummer (not so. as to hurt him :) * We’ll put him in the drum, just the thing by hokey,’ said the flfer. One head was taken out, the hog stowed in, and our heroes started for camp, their drum between them. In the meantime the reg iment were out for dress parade, and the Colonel someugmt perplexed at the ab sence of his principal musicians, no sooner saw the gents ' than in a voice of repri mand, he ordered them to take their place with the music. The drum bearers baited, looked at each other, then at the Colonel, but said never a word. The Colonel re peated his order in a style so emphatic that it could not be misunderstood. The dealers in pork felt a crisis had ar rived, and that an explanation had be come a * military necessity.* So the drummer going up close to the Colonel made him acquainted with the state of affairs, winding up with ‘we ’low, Colo nel, to bring the best quarter over to your mess.’ ‘ Sick, eh thundered the Colo nel, * why didn’t you say so at first ?' Go to your quarters’—of course* Battal ion, right face!’ The Colonel had'fresh pork for supper." Se&" There is in Nova Scotia a young woman, seventeen years of age, who s is seven feet two inches in height. She mea sures forty-three inches around the waist, and thirty-three inches from her armpit to the tip of ' her fingers; weighs two hundred and seventy-four pounds and has a foot thirteen inches long. She is good looking, quite social, although diffident, not to see the public, and her name is Anna Swap. “We all of us should be ready to make sacraments,” said Mrs. Partingtou, sol emnly, as she heard that a neighbots son had been drafted; “If I bad a hundred sons, I should be willing that every brie of them should be exempt.” What' a patri otic glow her cheek assumed.; How. her eyes flashed through her glassy What a meaning there was in her tonb; But Ike/ who knew the dictionary signification of the word “ exempt,” laughed. ‘ The Grandeur op Man.—The birth of an infant is a greater production of the sun. lump of senseless mat|ei own light l ; it feels not i, with all its grandeur, it will ceass to be. But that infant, beginning only to breathe yesterday, is posse*ed of reason, claims a principle infinitely superior to all matter, and will live throughout the age? of eter nity. - , ' Don’t bk Fooled. —‘ ‘ deems, my lad,” said a hopeful father to his son, “keep away from the gals. Yen you see one cornin’, dodge. Jestsich a critter aa that young un eleauin’ the door-step on t’other side of the street, footed yer poor dad, Jim my. Don’t cast yer eyes over that yay and lf it hadn’t a been \ tor her, you and yer dad might a been .s■Califor ney huntin’ dimuns, my son.” (VHow like beauty is the row.! J?or when the south wind courts her. gently, how modestly she blows and paints the sun in her mild blushes. But. when the north wind comes near her rude and im patient, then, like chastity, she 'locks her beauties in her bud again and leaves him to base briars. Bulwer says in the last So. of .B)sjsk wood: “ I honor and reverent® npble tombs too implicitly to believe tbqt fmy living great man is equal to a dead great man. A dead great man is a shrined ideal of excellence;, a living great man is a struggling fellow mortal.’’ There is an'lrishman employed as a. bridge hand down East who brags of hav ing a time-piece that keeps correct■ time. He was heard to remark w fewmoraings since, upon pulling ont his watch: I “If the sun ain’t over that hiU in a minute and a half, he will be late.” «Tlf you would inereaw the < Sise apd prominence olyoqr eyes, just kesjMtp, Ac count of the money you spend and add it upatthe end of i- :i&- ti : t NO. 38. and