to Pa * jpPPPP|gpP^^^w Pifsi&p^ei egagaaaaigsjte gfS^jgafegSSg t^s^ssz^:- •Maatgrfte. ;/i \ ,■ Switfl.am, sin y l*n ? r l| .* "g* liif S I Sill f-.W’J gSl* F.'tb 1 5 * • ' gfe 5i iiv • • : • • . - • -,W •« £ sj&ik .RDr KVJSR ONWARD! |p»: BY'- isgpiEip.i:: DERSIG.NED DESIRES TO n>M customer* sod tb» pnbffcnn>*r*lTv iJjWj* gone into the Dry Oobd'S2Sne«J i«reJ » Urgoand entireljraewstoCk of '©ss ooods ■ nil lbeUt**t,'prrMcst«ad nuw ON ABLE PATTERNS, ith W V found good.. Inch it wotalil h* too feMilocu.to ratunerat* IjHiw of purr, fresh, and eEesp L. EBBS & PROVISIONS i;k uo.l»r" to nay at wuojapetiton. In |:I fedonre that I ranxendw irtlrtiction IfMmfry. produce taken' tn exchange for l%he*t market price alhmed. ' irnnifp of Annie and Helen street*, Kjwt THOMAS HEg LOP. ainte. A GOB WETS, AND CONFECTIONER, Ifcaati* Smn. AitO o»a, Pa., CONSTANTLY ON SAND MX Cakes, candies 3S ; ■ C-ttJbiAl/r KATB.of hi,To»Ti nanntetßr*,. which fa. Of rftidl. at the mini tewoh- RMtWtiS FRUITS, rach u LEMONS, PINE-APPLES, ss, Raisins, nuts, *c., ac. shelr respective mwm. RAKED TO ORDER, aefoiia; on short notice and in the neat of-tfce art. ' •- ■ ' Mid price my «tock «mt jen will find **Rk* cun be-pprcb*»ed rieewbtre. EETTINGER’S li sews Agency. h. No. MAIN- STREE'J BOOKS, BLANK BOOKS, !»Y. CONFECTIONARIES & TOBACCO, MOTIONS IK greaT yakiett l-XStAMtLT ON H*S». LOYD & COv AITOOifJ, JU, ON. JACK & ,CO., BOLLWAYSBUBS. PA. 3STKEBS. m, Muulo*. S** t Co.”) S ON TAB PRINCIPAL SUter sad OoU for afe CWtaeUon. welted on dtiatta, amw on donunn, w apoe time, with lofereet *» foir r»t*«. ssau^agi yAaSam-§/tS^ to borine**, Ud a «*£ „ Cor.ofTlrgißl»«odCiWtee»“ tMfo ■ ‘ a* LARD OILS, €Ail- MMfcM, (Mon • AT M»ut>nient"of ES. A LAEQJS DrtSwMi vtOnenrim Mn W jjjg." kT, TOOT#, SHAVDG- >8 m PKIN3?W .AS AND PABASOLS iHMy, a 1 ‘ B 8 CAKFKTINO^AND tAL ASSORT. iUf ttd ttfIUMW mo\ \ -\ x -^ ' *?*** McCBUM & DERN, VOL. 8. Muskingum Galley t he has the best assortment and cheapest Goods tkp market. V Country produce of all kinds taken in Tor •oo* at market pried*. Aluvma. April 28,1888. EXCELSIOR Hat & Cap Store. The proprietor of the A, ‘.EXCELSIOR" HAT and CAP Store, ’Old isiorni aw ctmtonpem, and the Public 'generally. ,!u J J .he Majatt returned from the city with (he largest ■~'t most varied stock of good**'in lifs Hue ever brought to 'Stoona, all of which he has now on exhibition and saleiat < new store toom:pn Virgiijia atreet. next door to Jog a store. HIS stock embraces all the latest styles of SPRING AND SUMMER HATS, J| GAPS, MISSES’ FLATS, &C. ; Stock of Hats and Capa aife of (he very beat selection, otp, y style, color and ahajxkfor both old and young. Alt be asks is that the peeplecaU And examine his «ad he feels confident that he can send them avay re* ’ lciß 2. If not in the sack an article as they at the remembrance of. having loqked apon the trimmest stock of Hats, Caps, ftats, erer exhibited • wii town, ! 1 hare also on Rand an entirely new stock of Udies* and Childrens’ Hats and Fiats, I am conMeqt cannot be soipeased in the connlijy, , ?» ’ »hlch 1 wifi well at the mot: reasonable prfcee; He* the (Jail of Faahion when you went anything In nae of heatfeofertej&aod callon T ew Drug Store. $ BERLIN & CO., ANNOUNCE TO • toe cltinpa of Altoona and vicinity that they have a Drag and Variety Htore in work’s New building, ' lr yinia Street, between Julia and Caroline Streets, ■where mm'y be h*d CBEMWALS, DYE-STUFFS, MgDJcafss, pjutpimwfuf, ‘■*INTS, OU, GLASS, PUTTyT « »d Other artlciee anally sold in the Drag boiineef. OUlt MEDICINES and oar Chemical. »«t maoghctnprrv. pai'vtj vm Bulldw* and 9tben wqnlrinc to use Br^! a > ** **».«£ of (he A!fD AT TBB WvAbjom. ! til J"* 1 Wine* and Llqnora for hMfefttiE&echaai. *“ f * n >«< , tal parpoeeB alwaye taatdre. ”X and promptly anewered. an* liwff s”■wythwa aeentately eompoondod, V [ .'"**** **y xS» IMS. COANHBOF JRSSB •SMITH. THE ALTOONA TRIBUNE. E. B. MeCBUU. - - - - - H. C. DEHX EDITORS AND PBOPEItTORS Per umum, (payable invariably in advance,) ;$1 6b All papers (ttacontituied at the expiration of cheHiat paid tor. Turns or advutuihg 1 insertion 2 do. S do Four linos or 1eid..... $ 26 $ 37)* $ 6t One Square. (S line*) 60 76 1 0t Two •*. (16 M ).*. 100 160 200 Three •• (24 “ ) 160 200 2So Oyer three weeks and leas than three months, 26 cent* per Square for each insertion. 8 months. 6 months. 1 year. Six lines or less - ....$ 160 $3OO $5 00 One square 2 50 4 00 7 00 Two •* 400 600 10 00 Three 5 00 8 00 12 00 Pour 600 . 10 00 UOO Half a c01umn...... 10 00 14 00 20 00 Oor'COlqiud . 14 op 26 00 40 00 . Administrators and Kxecntvrs Notices 176 Merchants adverti-intf by ibe year, three squares, with liberty 4u change...... 10 0(. Professional or finstaess Cards, notexoeeding B'lines with paper, per year 6 00 Commnnicatioos of -a political character or individual interest, will he charged according to the above rates. idverdsemeßU Dot marked with the number of inser tions desired. Drill be,continued till forbid and charged according to the above terms. Business notices five cents per line for every insertion. Obituary notice* exceeding* tea lines, fifty cents a square. ®koicr fcftrß. whs* this oaecL was is OVER. BT OHABUB o. uwns. Dearest lowa, do you remember. . When tfeisst did meet. How yon'iold me I bat-yon loved me. Kneeling at ay feet? Ob I how proud yon stood before me, In your suit of blue, Whenyou vowed to me and country, Ever to be true. Chorus.—Weeping, sad and lonely. Hopes and fears how vain! Yet praying, When this cruel war is over. Praying that we meet again. When the summer breeze is sighing Mournfully along; Or when autumn leaves are foiling. .Sadly breathes the song. Oft in dreams I see thee lying On the battle plain, Lonely, wounded, even dying Calling, but in vain. Chorus.—Weeping, sad, Ac. , If amid the din of battle, Nobly you should foil, Par away from those who lovejy ou, None to hear you call— Who would whisper words of comfort. Who would soothe your pain ? Ah 1 the many cruel fancier Ever in my brain. , Bui our country called you, dkrling. ■ ~ Angels che|r your way ; While our nation’s son* are fighting. We can only pray. Nobly strike for God and liberty. Let all nations «ee How we lore our starry banner Emblem of the free. Chorus.—Weeping sad, Ac. Jriwt QUEER CANDIDATE EOS CHTTECH MEMBERSHIP. “Old Steve or “Lying Steven,” as be was famnliarly called, by virtue of a strong original genius, and an indefatiga. ble perseverance and application, had ac quired the reputation of being the greatest liar that ever existed in the State of . Wherever he made his appearance, there fore, at muster or training, he was sure to be surrounded by a host of eager listen ers. Re greatly excelled the renowned Munchausen, who simply told extravagant stories, and sometimes blundered on the truth. Steve, on the other hand, never told a word of truth,, even by mistake, in all bis life, and lied circumstantially and in every particular, i In’short, it came to him as naturally as eating and drinking, or rather as breathing, for he not only lied to listeners, but when he bad no other person- to lie to, he would tell lies to him self, just to keep his hand in. This fact was ascertained beyond any doubt by his denying it in the most solemn manner when somebody accused him of the prac tice. . It was Mr. Stevens’, misfortune, one time, to lose a good deal of money on a horse race.- This made him feel uncom monly serious; so he went to a camp ,meeting, which was held about five miles from his residence, to see if he couldn’t make up a little by “shaking props” with the boys. They happened, however, to be too much for him; that time, mid he was completely clearied out. This made him, if possible, feel more serious, than ever, and as there happened to he a pow erful preacher there, who could make himself heard at the distance of a mile, he thought he would turd over a new leaf at once. When he got home, therefore, the first thing he did was to send for a min ister. The worthy man came, and to his extreme amazement,' found that Ste vens wanted to join the church. “ I have no hesitation in laying your proposition before the brethern,” said the good old main; trying to smother a laugh. “Of course yon haven’t,” responded with great confidence. “And if you could give satiafactoiy evidence of amendment, Mr. Stevens,” continued the minister, emphasizing the word, “ they might take you on probation at any rate, we haw a meeting to-night! and 1 can let you know to-morrow.” “ Probation be d—dogged!” ejaculated | Steve, as the minister hastily retreated, i ALTOONA, PA. ; TUESDAY, AUGUST 4, 1868 “why can’t they let me join at once while I feel like it?” The proposition, -as might have been expected, created a real sensation. There was hardly a member of the church, male or female, who had not, at sometime or other, been victimized by Stevens’ slander ous tongue, and they could hardly hear his name with patience. Some of them went so far as to say if he joined they would leave ; and that settled the matter, for they were among tiie “forehanded mem bers,” who could afford to speak out be cause the church couldn't afford to lose them. However, to avoid any trouble with an unscrupulous fellow tike Steve, it was resolved to break the matter to him as gently as possible. Two of the most re spectable men in thi church were ap pointed to call upon him, and it was .generally understood that such was then known mildness of disposition, that every possible excuse consistent with truth would be made for not receiving him ’1 he rest of the story must be told in Steve’s own words: “ When old Deacon Peabody came along, 1 sot in the back door whitlin' a hoe handle, and 1 hope to suffer if I wasn’t mad enough to rare right up. A cousin of my wife’s, whose sister was a member, had come over airly and told us all about it." “Good mornin’, Mr. Stevens," says the old hypocrite, with a face as long as a yard of pump-water. “1 said nothin’, but kept on whitlin’." “I came down to see you this morning,” says he. “ Well," says 1, looks , “Oh," says he, “what I mean is that I came down to labor with you.” “Work away, then, why don’t you?” was all he gut out ot me. “But, Mr. Stevens," said he very sol emnly, “ the church sent me down here to talk with you a minute.” “ Well,” you’ve been talkin’ for more’n five minutes, Deacon Peabody,” says 1, and you’ve said nothing yet; now, when are you goin’ to begin !” The old Israelite looked almost mad enough to bite my head off, at a snap; but he tho’t it best to 'keep cool, so he drew a long breath and went on : “ Nobody wants to hurt your feelings or make any trouble, Mr. Stevens ; but the church have come to the conclusion that, perhaps, on the whole, under the cir cumstances. and in view of everything, it might possibly be best all around, and taking all things into consideration, for you not to be hasty in appylin’ jist at at present. They think on mature re flection that it might be as well if you’d conclude to postpone it a little while, say a year or eighteen months.” “ They dew ? Wall, now, Deacon, what makes ’em think so ? The church ain’t full, is it ?” “ This was a hard question. <• The old sarpint knew very well that it wouldn’t answer to say lie didn’t know, for he knew fast entilf— and knew that 1 knew he did. So says he— “ Mr. Stevens, I’m sorry you’re so riled about it—you’ve no occasion—l didn’t come to otfend you, but you know as well as 1 do why the church don’t accept you.” “If I knew I wouldn’t ask you to tell me, Deacon Peabody.” ‘•Wall,” says he, “don’t you know what large stm-ie* you’re in the habit of tollin’ ?” “ Who says 1 tell large stories says I; it ain’t the truth, and jon can,t prove it ain’t. Now ain’t it a shame, Deacon, for a man like you to go round scanda lizin’ a neighbor that way * What story did you ever hear of mine that wasn’t true? Come, lay your finger on the first st,.ry, and I won’t say another word.” “ Why, there’s so many on ’em,” ans wered the Deacon, “ that it’s a’raost im possible to specify any one in particular. But now I think on it; don’t you re member that story you told about your father’s bein’ killed by a bear ?” “My father’s bein’ killed by a bear ?” jays I; there it is now! That is jist’the way folks lie about me ! It’s an untruth, like the rest yn ’em, and you ought to be ashamed- Deacon Peabody, to be runnin’ round to.wn, fellin’ things that ain’t so!” “ Well,” said he, pretty short, “ you’ve made them ’are observations about often enough i if you didn’t say your father was killed' by a bear, what was it you did say ?” “I’ll-tell you. I said, ‘that father was one of the fir«t men to bring sheep into this ’ere town,’ and. that is no story, is it.” ’ “ No,” said he, “ it ain’t.” “Ahd one day I said that he lost one i of them ’are sheep in the woods; and I that is likely, if it ain’t true—and when j he was it, I said he came { across a bear. The bear growled at dad, : and dad hojlcred at the bear, and finally i the beast came at him, and tore all his insides out, and then your father, Deacon Iteabody, who was a respectable man, sir* f and never would ’agone about towd scan- I dalizin, his neighbors—your father heard [INDKPENX>KNT JN £VKRVTHIXG. j “ how do you like my | my father holler, and came up, and seein’ j how matters stood, ran for the doctor.” | “ When the doctor came, the fust thing that he did was to catch a sheep and cul its insides out. and put them in the plac* uf dad's, and I never said dad was killed by a hear! No,sir !'I told the naked truth I said he grew as well as ever he was, except that he hankered after hay all the winter, and had wool enough grown to make him an overcoat in the spring You don,t call that a large story, 1 hope. If you won’t let'a fellet jine the church because he tells the truth, you won’t find many decent members, I guess!” “The old man riz rite straight and walked away without sa) in’ anothei word- What he thought I never could learn, for the old Christian hain’t opened his head to me since.” HOW HE GOT A SUPPER, A few months since, a man, who called himself a conjurer, entered a tavern in a country town, and asked the company who were assembled in the bar-room if they would like to witness one of his tricks.— The fellow looked cold and hungry, so tin landlord gave assent, and stated that hi knew a few tricks himself, and had seen n great many wonderful ones. The conju rer then requested the company to place three hats upon the table, which being done, he desired the landlord to bring a loaf of bread, and the stranger cut out three pieces, (nearly half a pound each; and placed one upon each hat . He Then slated' that he could do the trick much more comfortably to himself if he had three pieces of cheese. Ihe cheese being broughi he cut three good sized pieces and placed one by each piece of bread. Now was thi grand trick. The conjurer turned up the cuffs of his coat, took off his neck-hand kercliK-f and unbuttoned his shirt-collar and stated that he would now proceed to eat the three pieces of bread and afterward> bring all under one hat. He commenced eating the bread and cheese, and atter eat ing two pieces he could not proceed witii the third and finish the trick, unless he bad something to drink. The landlord, wishing that the wonderful trick should hi proceeded with for the amusement of hb customers, immediately proceeded to give the. fellow a quart of ale ; and the third piece of bread and cheese soon followed the first two pieces. Now the grand trick was to he disclosed, and the landlord and his companions axiously waited to see it. The conjurer said, “ now, gentlemen, which hat shall I bring the bread and cheese under V The landlord pointed out his own hat, wishing to take part in the trick as well as his bread and cheese. It I wing so ar ranged, the conjurer again said, “gentle men, I have eaten the bread and cheese, and now I will bring it under the land lord’s hat,” and he immediately placed the hat upon his head and continued, “ now you will perceive that it is under the hat without any deception.” There were shouts of laughter from all the company except the landlord, who was minus three pieces of bread and a quart of vie. ' The fellow left the bouse without ma king a collection of the company, he being well satisfied with the londlord’s gener osity. An Accomodating Judge. —Judge H , of Missouri, was an accommodating man, but he would drink more than was beneficial for his head, or the bench upon which he sat. On one occasion, after his appointment, business called him to Lib erty, and while there, meeting with many of his old associates at the bar, be got into a convivial mood, which lasted sev eral days, and on going out he looked rather worse for wear. In crossing the river at Owen's Landing, there was a boat discharging freight, and in great haste for fear that another boat would pass that just hove in sight. T he clerk sang out: “ I say, old man cah’t you lend the men a hand in taking off that furniture ♦ I will pay you well for doing so, and double filly in the bargain.” “ Oh. yes,” said the judge always ready to help in time of need, “ Then turn in and be quick,” said the clerk. The first thing was a marble-top bureau In going off the plank the judge slipped, and the clerk roared out: “There now, throw that info the river, will you ?•” “ Certainly,” stud the judge, and giving a kick with the order, overboard it went. “ Helloa! what is that for?” said the clerk. “ I always obey orders when I work for a man,” said the judge. “ Leave," said theclerk. “ Agreed,” said the judge. ‘JAVIio is that man?” said theclerk. “That is judge H——, of the fith Judicial District of Missouri,” said a by ttander. “ Let go that line!” cried the clerk, and the boat put into the stream at its highest rate of speed. the Hardest mode to die To be shot dead is one of the,easiest nodes of terminating life; yet, rapid as i is, the body has leisure to feel and "reflect On the first attempt, l>y one of thefranlh idherents of Spain, to aasasinate William Prince of Orange, who took the lead in the revolt of the Netherlands, the bah passed through the bone of the face and brought him to the ground. In theinslant oreoeding stupefaction, he was: able, to frame a notion, that the ceiling of the room had fallen and crushed- him- Thi •imnon-shot which plunged into the brail >f Charles XII, did not prevent him from seizing his sword by the hilt. Tlieidea o tn attack, and the necessity of defence, was pressed upon him by a blow which wc should have supposed too tremendous U leave an interval of thought, But it by no means follows the indicting of fatal vi olence is followed by a pang. From what is known of the first effect of gun-shot wounds, it is probable that the impression is stunning rather than acute. Unles? death be immediate, the pain is as varied as the nature of. the injuries, and these an |iast counting up. but there is nothing -ingular in the dying sensation,though •ord Byron remarked the physiological peculiarity that the expression is invaria bly that of languor, while in dentil from a -tab, the countenance reflects the traits oi natural character, of gentleness or ferocity to the last breath. Some of these cases are of interest, to show with* what slight dis turbance life may go on under a mortal wound, till it finally comes to a sudden stop. A foot-soldier at Waterloo* pierced by a musket-ball in the hip, begged watet .»f a trooper, who chanced to possess a can teen of beer. '1 he wounded man drank, returned his heartiest thanks, mentioned that his regiment was nearly exterminated, and having proceeded a dozen yards on his way to Ihe rear, fell to the earth, and witli one convulsive movement of his limbs, concluded his career. “But his voice,’' says the trooper, who hints. If tells the story, -gave scarcely the smallest sign ol weakness.” Captain Basil Hall, who in early youth was at the battle of Quruna, has singled out, from the confusion winch consigns to oblivion the woes and gallan try of war, another instance, extremely similar, which occurred on that occasion. An old officer, who was shut'in the head, arrived pale and faint at the temporary, hospital, and begged the surgeon to look as his wound, which was pronounced mor tal. “Indeed I feared so,” he responded with impatient utterance, “and yet 1 should like, very much to live a little longer, if it were possible.” He laid his sword upon a stone at his side, “ as gently,” says Hall, “as if its steel had been turned to glass,” and almost immediately sunk dead on the turf. Hebrew Names with English Ac cents —Some young ladies who had been attending an evening party, desired to re turn home, but had no male attendant. The master of the house requested his son to accompany them, and made use oi a scripture name. What was it Jereboam—Jerry, beau ’em. Jerry proving reluctant, the gentleman desired another sou to act as escort. What scripture name did he utter? Lemuel-r— Lem you will. Still there was a difficulty, and a like request was made in a similar manner to another sori. What was it?- Samuel—Sam you will. Samuel having consented, the party took their seats in a sleigh for the pur pose of going home. It was found there was plenty of room for one more; What scripture name did the old gentleman use to induce another son to accompany the guests i Benjamin—Ben jam in. The driver was requested to start in another scripture name. What was it ? Joshua—Jos away. ■ When the sleigh was fairly off it was discovered that one of the young ladies, had been left behind. There was no pos sibility of recalling her companions, so the old gentleman asked still another of his sons to condole the young lady ; for her disap|X)intment. What was the last scrip ture name used ? Ebenezcr—Eben, ease her. W A good-looking fellow was charged with stealing a watch. It was the' first offence, and he was reany to plead guilty. '1 he magistrate asked him what had in duced him to commit the theft. . 'J he young man replied that, “ having, been ill for some time, the doctor advised him to take something, which he accordingly did.” The magistrate was rather pleased with the humor of the thing, and naked what led him to select a watch. “ Why,!’ said the prisoner, “ I thought if I only took time , that Nature would work a cure!” Put your tongue out a little far ther,’’ said a physician to a femalepatient; “a little farther ma’am, if you please—a little farther still.” “Why doctor do you think there is no end to a woman's tongafe?” said the lair invalid. EDITORS AND PROPRIETORS EDITIKG A PAPER. If the paper contains too much political natter, people won’t have it If it contains too little, they don't .vant it. If the type is large it don’t ■nougli reading matter. If the type is email, people can’t read it. If we publish telegraph reports, people •ay they are nothing but lies. If we omit them, they say we have no mterprise, or suppress them for political dfect. If we have in a'few jokes, folks say we ue nothing but a rattle-head. If wo omit jokes, they say we are an •Id fossil. If wepublish original matter, they find fault with us for not giving selections. If we publish selections, folks say we are lazy for not Writing more, and giving ■ hern what they have not read before in oine other .paper. If we give a man complimentarynotices, we are. censured for being partial. If we do nut, all hands say we are a greedy hog. If we insert an article which pleases the ladies, the men become jealous. If we do not cater to their wishes, the paper is not fit to have in the house. If we attend church, they say it is only for effect. If we do not they denouce us as deceit ful and desperately wicked. . If we speak well of any act of the Pres ident, folk say we dare nut do otherwise. If we censure, they call us a traitor. It we remain in the office and attend to our business, folks say we are too proud to mingle with our fellows. If we go out. they say we never attend to our business. If we do not pay all bills promptly, folks -ay we are not to be trusted. If we do pay piomptly, they swear we stole the money. If we wear poor clothes, they say busi- ness is poor. If we wear good ones, they say we are a -pendthrift. Now what is a poor fellow to do! A Plea fob Certain Offendeks. — In the book called “ My Southern Friends,” there is a defense by one Jack Larkin of a wretched negro driver called Muluck, the Inanely philosophy of which may be ap plied to the case of other offenders: • “ Now, fur bein’ both mean an’ a fool. I ’low he orter be punished. But doant ye kill him, gentlemen! Guv it tor him 'cordin’ to his natur and merits. Just look at him. Hev ye ever seed sich a face, an’ sech an eye as that in any human be in'! Why, his eye ar’ jest like a snake’s; an’ its nttfral, ye knows, for snakes to crawl, the’ canj do nutbin’ else* an’ the’ bain’t to blame for it. “No more ye karn’t Uame Murlock far bein’ whot he ar’. So guv him a coat uv tar, a ride on a rail, a duckin’ in the pond —anything thet’s ’cordin’ ter his naturan’ his merits; but doan't ye take away his lite! If ye does thet, he’s lost—lost fur ever ; fur I swar ter yer, his sjul ar* so small thet if it wus once out uv bis body th’ Lord himself couldn't find it, an’ the poor feller’d bev ter go wand’rin* round with nary wbar to stay, an' naiy .friends, aither in heaven or t’orther place! Sobe easy with him, gentlemen. Guv him one more chance. Let him stay yere a spell longer, iur yere his soul may grow. -An’ it kin grow. Everything in natur grows —even skunks; an’ who knows but:Mu lock may spread out yet an’ grow ter be a man.” A Good Stomach.— A country youth, having an uncle living in* town, resolved to pay him a visit, He accordingly start ed off one morning, and arrived at his uncle's house just as supper was ready.- Being very hungry from his long walk, he no sooner got seated at the table than he commenced a furious onslaught on the eatables, right and left.” “ Hold on, sir,” said bis undo, who was. a pious man, “ We always say some thing here before we eat.” “Say, what you’ve a mind to,” ans wered the, boy between two mouthfals, “ you can't turn my stomach!” what you will of old quids, their love is generally more strong and sincere than that of the yonng milk and yrater creatures, whose hearts vibrate be tween the joys of wedlock and the dipsi pat ions of the ball-room. Until the young heart of woman is capable of settling firmly and exclusively on one subject, her love is like a May shower, which makes rainbows, but dlls no cisterns. e*Upbn coming into the offide the other day, we asked the “ devil” Ins rule for punctuation. Said he: “ I set up as long ag I cap boW«ay breath, then put in a comma: when I imiert a semi-colon; when I sneeze,aco lon; and when I want anbtb&diavt of to bacco, I make aparagraph.” Fifty-fiye thousand fopt bllgtad and twenty-seven emigrants in this country since the fWotoantjary. 7&i i M' ? ~ -Jr*.,.« NO. 24.