i>k ©iiEbd m book m asufaolorv [•Martel iff. Jjarrubitrg, 'fy , ■ Dlisliment is chiefly flevou i I “V"; tic. f ar c ’Zy m ' ih Jain, rnletl and jfemud to w-tW^r* o '!' tlwbent litien p«j*-‘iv ■ “ ..wnniv fieri.. desiring to hare their Ife.k. Hr price*. .Iioold; give ns a can v : 1 t Hire*. Harper'* Weekly {;. N( »- Scientific Aniefic*”laA d < n any style required. Itarmr-. w •rbocker, llisckwnod** - n l J r *® a “tli >.),*•* Book, Ijuly'a * « Music/ ic,lH.BlirtXne«rt^;r tt ' 1 übstmitisl lis if binding, »eI«J 001o 01 ir*. pamniilst Jaws, moderate pricaa. .Person* if'" 1 ' ‘-I to bind, will receive a fibers! ,11“*» c jwm to p. t •mrasted taourcJrSLniJ*' * T packed and returned by Address P. L. IUTPrkK ~ tßMii UKKS. at the Tribune Office ... ‘ ttisjji* and vicinity.. They will (iveinf i l l " > ion in binding, ami receive and ctarn b y' *ra Charges, fur all wbo ent.nst tbeira.it. , , 1 [March il. ■~A iWti Rin »|i Si* i r I**#.! I W .. 6 y e '; - F i ' ' • t/-id -JACOB WETS, ;r too confectioner, Vjaii.ii* gTMtr. Altoona, Pa, 8 CONSTANTLY ON HAND BAD, CAKES,-CANDIES Tin ATS, of hi* own nSHoubctun, which hi " Wh o*-«1- or rrUU. i,t the moat tevur,. *W, IfORKMN FRUITS, nucb u »E‘. LEMONS, PINEAPPLES. tUNES. RAISINS, NUTS, &C, &C , uni}: I tb**ir rc-jK'ctirc DS ED TO ORDER. r on short uotrce and In'the neat stylp of the art. rmeiiid price my stock and yon will fiua •1 chbap as cun be pnrchzutnf elsewhere. <-rs. 1 NF ECTIONERY OYSTER SALOON. SC BSC U I BEU WOULD LV iheCttivpiij* of Altoopa and vicinily that 1m rflvKljlY, .NUT Hi»d EIUJIT STOKE.i« aDray* ;h the very best article* to beiiud*Aod in great in !«»'« u)h> mi t'STKIi SALOON hi* * ore. inwhichho wiil~»erTe «p OTSTEIIS b*-during the season. \SAKitID BI'EAD d: PlJSSotwayt on hand. II fin|* s prepared to supply cakes, candies. Jtc.. todujher parties. He jemtcs.'Aslmreof peblic frlinvngthat he can render full satisfaction to - > -. r, lit# sum* and saloon is on Virkiuia»tte.‘t, r w Putt mV Hall. ; OTTO EOSSI let. IP; 1861-lf -S 1 i.FETTINGER'S era! ‘Xews Agency. ALL, No. 7, MAIN STREET 0L BOOKS. BLANK BOOKS. WElty. CONFECTIONARIES Lairs & tobacco. ©NOTIONS IN GREAT VARIETY ON HAND, YD & GO., AZPOOA'A, PA.. TON, JACK AsCO. noLtwArsßvse, pa •j Veil, Johntlon, Jack y Co.”) TS ON THE PRINCIPAL nil Sllrnr and Gold for aal«- CoHfteliou' i necelvud <>n.de|HMiis,on demaiiu. if or upon time, trlth {mW »t air rale*. KESSLEP—I’UACXICA 1. reepectfollj kof' JUtouuawad the pdbUo where he *r*J VI Emibucaus, oits, tAiuusn- mk& TCW&." ' :•■•,. , utkrti u> bosineu, and adeeUr*toread** w: * ftk regards price tad qk»llty> hem*!** * •e a share of public patronage '■- • ifl merchant* Applied on reMon*^ tenu, ‘ rom« dwtanceprompUy nttebaedto* caiwfatiy-etmipoandw. I*2^ ADY Fill EN PS W OULD DO l&A in opop ;ii» clwfc o, W* eb **** 4%'. Ww«r ! MnRPttY jrilcytK*- _ Cor*of TJrjffcrifcnnd CmoHh* •' , ' 4»,T8«. : “ -■“■■■ ■ IND LAUD OIL§, A - M i ruing FW V»TBirt .Bp«tM^ K B{ y, l K K j M>S OK FIIINTfNO 5 E aauAjs 1 ‘ H wIHt, «t S t, wwa. . ■wi >:-■■■ 'jl- YLES CAitPJEWN^J 1 ' >can b*frmnij *. ’ LA-CatOO iRAL «a <**>•• s ASSORT MENT OggS* m WfuW.l fJSISgj&Bge ‘Mas of M.H'iH'M A: I)Ei:X VOL. S IHK ALTOONA 'HUBI NK, H SkCHCM. KDIT i* K s i,M) I'KdFHIKTOH v .n.iium. ; p.iwLL iuvari iMy in Hovauc*'. $1 i*o v-i [..vjjfp* u»»m oiit»uu*-«1 at tin? expiration of the time .M- •>* ADVtimsi.Nu I insertiuu * -•> ,*» hues' '-li - i 1 r»i' 2 Ui' ‘2 50 w-i i!m<- week* hucrtiuii. ' 3 months 0 mouths $ 1 50 .< uo u k . 2 on ' 1 : ik) ’ .. r> on - n on j r 'lmiiii 1° On „ tS . lu 14 on n; ■> K.XeeUlolS .NullL-CB .itju-iii-iin; bv iljethiee sqi'uies. i i.i-it.v lo cliauge if ••••■ r, »r Curd?. Hut exceeding * lines .■ 'iii |«iti««*< • per > ear on .«'atiou- of si piditii’u character u r individual , e . . ,nl: be I'halged juvordm:: to Ihe JtbuVe rate*. \ .r... m-mt.- nut marked with the number Ol itiser u. will l»- u>iiuiiui-i nil forbid ami c targcd ,i.iu !•' ihe.ahol f i. i iu.«. .i tl notices liv• i.'eiitn pe** line for every insertion, .la-ii' exceeding len li lies, flfty ecu trt a square. 3ALTI.VI ORE LOCK HOSPITAL ■ v.n.lslliiO A! A UrlKf.ii; FKOM QL'ACKKKV ’fii 0-iiy Place Where a Cure Can be Obtained- i vjt. .1 Oil.N.sO.'s tin- tii.seovi-p.MI the * f iu-'> '.'fji.un, apeftjy ami "ul> Etlcctuai U-Muetiv iu *"*-.s ,1 i ! fr all Pri'ale Ui*'-ase>. VN etikness ot the Hack ; UJ., *: t setui '•». AlTv. lull'' <■! tlf K i«ill**\ k HD i!.«* Liv.m-. Lung-. Sumi [: ~V , —l l!"-e ! I 1 IU I 4iX‘ aa.rfs arising liuDi the ■ ~-v ll 1 at V./Dili—'i ■- a i.T aim villliin piai'- ;,i i i . •;i. i v i..-• f: m' r In.. • Iu *• >«,ug >->! sy n*us t>. V yblight 1 nJL iheir nn.st biilliant •i.it.ap-» ll it*. i« mlei iua mul■|■ia^ ,, .Ac . imp"&»i- YOUNG MEN i«t; i. a- a*' tiave li.-i v.in-- the v ici mix of Solitary \ ice ji.-.vl:ui ami ili-xiucttv.- habit which annual.y sweep* I . mil ;•!» ; v a»e tli 'U-».tli. .ir waU-b a'l.i.i tli- living l> re. may '-r.il MARRIAGE ; u i; }’• .>r V um-; M'-u ,vS ..r> ..f Jill V- 1..- w'< W ■ lum-'il ui j ».i • - : tii • i lire "t I>r. J tiiuv r*- iitl'Miian. an*J ruiifl ! • vi ij lii- - k'! ■ i-.n, ORGANIC WEAKNESS • ci.’ \ :t.-. i,■ mi u ... n: • -Li :n i-u.iU \ )' «id i<\ l)i' . - V {>.•' ii* H rf t> :i! , • n avvai -■ r tin .i. -;ol - . • S vs. w!,.- that uiml.-i ••• • l"’i> 111 a t : l e p->\\ ■ 1n t 11' ■ V n,-,U -o 7 S jJTH rREO-RICK STREET, _ !UJ :;i 1» »IT iMI.T -tM- t -t f»*\v .i.-m y ii 1 ’I tr- *>-i v- n:um- \ii,M.-ge <>f Mirg*-o!)s. London. Crad !■ :n ou- of r I if m.jni ♦■iiiinent Colb-ges in the Unilr-o ii«, in i t i. • g:-' i'.irt ot %\ h, -■ ills lu« l>«*eti spent u • 'wipitaN 'I !-«!i'|ou. Philadelphia ami **!-•• In* effected some of tin- uiu-t astonishing cure .• ?v,-r-' ever known ; many troubled with ringing in tin •ti tnd cMn when asleep, great Dorvuivun* I **. -being iriiifrl at bUiiildi »oii ids. bashful nes«, with frequent •latino. attended soio-Umie* with derangement of mini! • rj cured immediately. TAKE PARTICULAR NOTICE or J all those who have injured themselves u;-r'p*r indulgence and solitary habits. « hich runi : i i; iv and mind, unfitting them for either bnsin*** iiy. saci“ty or marriage I n.-are some of the sail and melancholy effects pro .'-! ifv early habit* of youth, viz.: Weakness of tin 1 ri md Limbs. I’aina in the Head. Uimr of Sight '*t d Muscular i'uwer. Palpitation of the Heart. I>y-* ■>»'. Nervous Irrit vbility. iKrangemeut of the Dige> iM 'ti -ns -»»*nera 1 !>-biliry. Symptoms of Consump n. A' - M«vru.i\.—The tearful effects of the mind are much to i;-a bid— L ~ssi of Memory. Confusion of Iduas. IL* hi ,f Kvil-Korehodingv Avei>i«>n to Society I* 'trust. Love of Sol it ude. Timidity . »Vc.. are some ol - *-vils produced. • !! -rsoiw of persons of all ages can now J udge what i c -i -. o'their declining health, losi'-g their vlgor.be ”"i; w- ik. pale, nervous and xm elated, having a sin i: p'S.ira’icv about the eves, rotjgli and symptoms ol YOUNG MEN i, t:)iut hii themselves by a certain practice in :- l in wllr*ii alone, a habit frequently learned from 'rapamon*. or at bdiool. the effects of whjch ar» ',;.t!v felt, oven when asleep, and if nut cured render u:tu,»m import.ble, ami drsiroys both mind and body • mi I apply immediately. Wfi\t a pity that u young nmu. the hopfr ol hia country, i- -Urliug of his parents, should be snatched from all •’ -rtpertu and enjoyments of life, hr the consequence o '-n »rms from the path if nature.' and indulgin'; in a *t»in s«e r «t habtt. >m h persons must, before content iting MARRIAGE. -I«ci ina: a sound mind and body are the most necessary iijisitnH to promote* oonnubi il happiness. Indeed, with ■>r thW, the journey through life becomes a weary pH ;r rtuje; the prospect hourly darkens to the view; the u! Income* shadowed with despair and filled with the i Un'h -lv reflection that the happiness of another be- H"*» blighted with <»ur own. DISEASE OF IMPRUDENCE. b’h*n ih»» misguided and imprudent rotary of pleasure ii* I* that h** ha 4 imbibed the reeds of this painful die -av>. ;• t ,o .iften happens that an ill-timed senao uf shame r Iretl ofdiacovery. deters him from applying to thexa* r n .bom education and respectability, can alone be him delaying till the constitutional symptoms of < h -rrid disease make their appearance, such as ulcera '* ■ 4, re throat. disea-'-d nos.*, nocturnal pain s in the heao •’i 1 li'abn. dimussH of «ight. deafness, males on the shin 'U‘« and arm*. blotch.** "» the head, face and extremi '■•v progressing with frightful rapidity, till at last th»- of the mouth «»r the bones of the nose full in. and victim of thin awful disease becomes ft horrid object ol ->i nitration. till death puls a period' to.his dreadful by sending him t ■ ‘that Undiscovered Country 'M wli.»iit*e no traveller returns.” h i* •* nitlmchoti/ foci that thousands fall victims to '•*'* f-rnhL. disease, owing to the unskillfulness of igno r.t I'r-t-nders. who. bv the use of that Diodly r'ir-j min the ruiHtitation and make thfe residue of , STRANGERS ‘ n.t v , (lr , r health to the care of the many r :; K', ,| an 1 \V.»rthn*!i* Pretenders. destitute of knowl 'M.'u- t>r cii iracier. wh 1 copy Dr Johnston.B adm* : ;, n 0, , ir *tvte tlif-iiMitvio. In* the newspapers. regn 'V r Pli vricianv incatmble of Curing, they keep trifling . n ., n th after m-mth. taking their,filthy and P 1 • in-in* compound*, nr us long as t7i*- smallest fee ca:. ;* ’ and in leave you with ruined health ■ -* 1 ‘'v«»r \<>ur gaPing di*app dntment I>r ■ n -ti>n is th»* oily I’hv-ocian advertising. Hi* t * 1-ntial or diploma* always hang in his office. Hu or treatment are unknown to n)l others. ® r -, k r.*.( Mn H jjf, S p , ul j,, f t,,. -great hospitals of Mirnpe. - r *’ in th-,* country a- <1 a more extensive Private Prac 'r' any nth-r Ph V-dcM n in tile world. INDORSEMENT OF THE PRESS, rotuv fuf‘*d at thi* in*ii‘ution. after J*‘ r -.uil tii* nuio-i'.n* important Mirgical operations '* * )v John-t.m wttnetked by the reporter* of the v ' jn - “ Cliprer/’ nnd many ntb’-r papers, notices of hit? :tp|H*ar>*d again am! again before the public. -Mul-. ling a* a gmiflemon of character and re ‘POiiMhility. i n a rtU tfi i-'*nt guarantee to the afflicted ,, *ON DISPOSES SPEEDILY CURED. • 0 l-tiHri received unless pout-pah 1 vnd containing a »i, e used on th«» reply Persons writing should slate fsaa l send p >rtion of idv.*:tisement describing symptoms '•pir* 0 . 01 should be particular in directing their 1 *0 his Institution. In the following manner: JOHN M. JOHNSTON. M. 0., 9f the Baltimore Lock Hospital, Maryland H. r DKHJi O do. $ vH.I I W 2 do. •!" I ..I / , i 2 oo 1 00 I ill I year. 4 nn 6 IH) X Ul lO OM 14 on 23 oh lo IK' 12 On 14 no 2n no 40 no 1 To 10 IKI •otejnplatllig mar l lage <>i game Uebilit'. Jfl'ij- • inll >i • per -prh-.i tli. • us b- 11l ‘b ' (u! M-Vlt.ll 1- UIII-- u, v•• !’•>«■> i. \ -rv.-iiv 11 ri 11-aT f . 1 Frini'-. Cough The enlightened village, or town, of Nightmare, Jn the tar Southwest, consist ed of a heterogeneous collection of rude’y constructed habitations as wild in appear ance as the rough, demi-savage white people who occupy them. It could not be called sut yenens. for there are plenty of such places and communities out there, which serve as a connecting link between the states of civilization and barbarism, winch there blend—barbarism uppermost, though civilization pretends to bear sway. 'J he place took its name from the earli est settler in the vicinity, Old Jeroboam Nightmare, an eccentric pioneer, whose crazy exploits had been the terror of the red skins, and the \vonder of the whites who came after him. Their veneration for the character of that uncouth dare-devil of a hunter and fighter, caused them to adopt h;s name for the settlement, long after he was found dead in the woods, safe and sound, with his scalp untouched, eliciting the verdict from those who scooped his grave, that “he wa'n’t kilt by no Ingen, but died of his own accord.” ®lwiils |?olftj). REMONSTRANCE ON WINTER BV J. MUNXOOMtKV Ah! why, unfeeling Winter! why 6till thtgb thy torpid winur Fly. melancholy aeaaou. fly. Aud yield the year to Spring. Spring—the young cherubim of love. An exile in disgrace. Flu* o'er ih«* scene, like Noah'n dove. Nor finds a resting place. Whe.n oa the mountain's azure peak Alights her fciir) form. Cold blows the wind—and dark and bleak Arouini her roil the storm 11 lo the valley she repair For shelter aud defence. Thy wrath pursue* the uiormug there. And drives her weeping thence &h<- seeks the brook—the luithiesa brook. Of her mumndlul gr,wn, Feels the chill mug a* ot thy look. Aud lingers into stone Mie w«. Spiinc “A LETTER HAS COME ! •SK.LTCH OK A SOUTH-WESTERN POST-OFFICE The advent of more whites and whisky he.lped clear the wilderness, though it could not lessen its Inconvenient remoteness from established civilization : but fierce, hardy, strange men dwelt there steeped in unlettered ignorance and drink—their odd garbs as frightful as their natures, and causing the primitive to look gentle by comparison. - . .. As ti e number of dwellers increased the people grew ambitious, and aspired to the location of a post-office in their midst, that thus their consequence might be aug mented by a palpable recognition of their existence by* Uncle Bam. That much-abused old man was prevail ed upon to comply, and a shapeless tene ment was thrown together, and an un- | painted pine sign nailed over the entrance, j with the words “ Poast Orphis” burnt on i it with a hot irpn. Jimmy Herod was | appointed postmaster, with a Government | salary of a hundred dollars a year : and j all that remained now was for the mail- j hag to come and bring letters and news- i papers to the expectant Nightmare. Jimmy Herod was not much ot a scholar, but he was no fool, and did nol expect to live upon a salary ofless that two dollars a week; and so, to make .all his ends meet and shake hands, and keep from rusting in office, he caused the shanty post office to serve him for a *• store,” and dealt as largely as he could in fire-arms, ammunition, hunter’s materials generally, and whiskey—most especially the latter —so that the Nightmares might have a chance to get drunk when they came for a letter and were disappointed. They were doomed to manyi disappoint ments. Not a solitary letter or paper came for several and the people | began to feel mortified .at the non-satis faction of their long repeated inquiries i 'J hey began, also, to blame Uncle Saril, I and after the fashion of larger communi- ALTOONA. PA. TUESDAY. MARCH 31. 1863 ties, complained of '• irregularities in the out whom sent for whom I I motion we mails”—"some fault in Sam's agents ■ toss up.” somewhere.” A post-office and postmaster | " Hoorav IGoin I Flip up?” was the were there, it was true, and that was one approving erv of those who pretended to comfort, but whar are the letters?” they no letters at all. “ Flip up, and let’s howled and grumbled. Nut that any one open the critlur, and draw a sight on her of them had any reason to hope for a let- insides.” ter for his or her individual self; hut they “You can't do that trick, hoys,” cried thought that somebody ought to. It the alarmed postmaster, snatching the let would be gratifying to know that the ter hack and puling it in the breast-pocket wheels were working. of his coat, which he buttoned up to the The postmaster himself felt ashamed to chin. “ It's again the law.' see the old, flat mail-bag come and go, “ b° is the law, anyhow !' empty : but be did all he could to have ” Agin the law to open another man’s the applicants, at least go full—of whisk v; I letter : and I'm postmaster here; and 1 and while he doled it out. he condoled with j don't allow no niddlccomcjigs onto I’ncle them. To appease their wrath, he even ' Sam. nohow yon kin tix it b’pose (his let let them search the bag themselves, and , ter are frum somebody to somebody who kick it, in lieu of himself. Nightmare >s somebody ? ’I hat is the beeswax.— was, indeed, an utterly unlettered part of ; Moreonto this, there's nobody here kin the earth Thcye had never been a school read: couldn't tell ..tie .-winter of a pen in the place, which could trulv boast as from another; and then how—l ax you — others have, that in it ” there was no j could you wallet out what's inside, if it was minister.no lawyer, no doctor, and no \ cracked open before yon 7 'Unit's what I town-poor." The people were indepen- ;ax! dent, living on their own hook. The post- This argument was convincing; but office was the only favor they had asked : curiosity was a-foot, and the disappointed from the Government. •* But whar, whar j auditors conferred seriously among them were them letters?” ' selves as to how they should overcome Such was the long-unanswered inquiry, I tbe until one aspielous day the tidings came I ‘‘ rhe y ma - v 1)6 mone >’ sald one among them that " A letter has cornel"! 1 his suggestion increased anxiety. The news spread like wild-tire. Wo- ! “Anybody here been expecting some men and children ran from house to house i * was t * le oud lnt l ,nr }'- in great excitement, announcing that “A 1 V ' c been expecting I wished I had letter has come 1” : some." replied a jolly-lookin ruffian, in „, , ! three ragged looking garments—shirts. | J hey wouldn t believe it, at tirst.— ! , ~ , , , , ■ , ' , , , , , , i pants, and boots. “II anybody had sent ; But Bill Handy had met John Digger, who , .. ar„ ,i . , , • 'me any sweet-push, 1 m good tor three : had seen i.uke J-wimlord, who had lust i > • , , r , , , . - , , J gallons ot whisky on it; and 1 wont taken ten horns ot whiskey with Jimmy i • •, ~ , ,-..i c i i > quiver it 1 take a little alorehand. Herod himse.lt. that morning; and the i * ~ , , , , , . . , , , * , “1 had an uncle who used to write to postmaster had not only shown the letter, 1 , , .. • , > ,i ■ , , , - ’ me when 1 was in Saint Lewv. added but had sworn to it , .. . . ... - ■ another, with a sad, shamed face. "But Such intelligence was not to be long ~ , ... i i . nr, , , , ■ . .... c thar 1 could buy somebody to spell lor me doubted; and the cry now was; “Who _ vvhieh are m ore’n kin be done here." ( is the letter lor .' ! ■■ Mv old father’s down to New Or- All rushed to see it it was for any one leans." complained another, " and he must ot them, and which. J hey had never 1 | iaV e writ me a tiling of that sort though been such a congregation of the people of l le use( [ ter couldn’t.” the place since the pine sign was put up. .. I) urn t | ie (>ost office." finally ejacu ■■ \Vho is the letter for. Jim Herod? ’ . h lte d one. “ What good of a post office, assailed the postmaster from eiery side. , without a postmaster who can read tin • •• Is it lor me ' Or me Or me ( letters to us ? I motion wc sot to and And eaidi ot the crowd nicked his haul the old hut down. It has squam hrains to consider who on earth was likely fecdled us long enough, with its flat to have sent a letter to him. leather pocket, and its one boss pertin- One would have thought that the post- sions!" master would have looked elated, with ; .. Hold on. boys!” quickly cried Jimmy such a prize in his hand. But no! He Herod, seeing mischief in their eyes, and looked sheepish ; fearing the loss of all his goods. “ J He turned the letter over and over re- . know it’s rumpling to good nature tube in peatedly, in the midst of the crowd, and , sue h a hooddlepool ; but lets you all on at last asked ’ U s smother it all over smooth, with as “W ho expects one ; much baldface as you kin squizzle. Al “Can’t you read? cried several. niy expense, boys —my expense I Come “Of course 1 kin. I kin read. But— ! ; n an( j wobble down, and three cheers and who expects a letter?” . S a whoop (or Uncle Sam. If we can’t “No matter. Say who that ar letter | rea( ] tain’t Ins fault.” * s f° r ‘ 1 While they were about it, some was “If it was pnnted. 1 could read it,” | possessed, of a sudden, with a luminous replied he coloring up, and vainly trying j which all wondered they had not to puzzle out the superscription. : conceived before, and that was, to saddle “ Why, the old, blind b’ar can t read!” ! two horses and send some one off, post sneered some one ; and all regarded him j haste, to Joe Batter—the only man in with looks ol contempt. i a n Nightmare who could read—and bring “ Smart chance of a postmaster!” j him back on the spare horse, to solve the “ He’s a heap of a scholar, by cata- ! mystery for them !‘ mount!” j “Yes, send for Joe!” was now the cry. “ It’s spell mighty poor,” plead Herod ; i. Where is he ?” “ and wrut like a snake-track.” “Six mile a wav, shoeing horses.” “ Give us a sight on’t, yer small speci men I” gruffly shouted the throng, seizing the curiosity, glaring at it, and passing it | it!" from hand to hand, with many murmers. j But all were, in turn, confounded ; for ' the truth was. that not one could read; and but few could even tell a printed let- [ ter, except after much study and perspi- ‘ ration of mind. “ Who's it for ?" asked several. j “ Chaw mo if I know. That big mark i thar looks like a 11. Its for Sim Boldkin, sure.” “ D’ye call that . ' thing thar a B? T 1 at’s no B. '1 hat's aA. A stands for Wat Annis. Here, Wat.” “What ?" sjiid Wat. stepping up to^ lo jk “ That's for you, Eh ?” “No, it are not,” said Wat. That’s two big letters, and one on 'era’s a S ; and the secondary large one are a Q. or a I’ bite my eve oufn ray head, if I know which.” Which /” interposed another, examin ing it. “Thar am not a Which, in (own. So, if that opening mark are a H. H stands for Hitch,.' and that means Sam Hitch. 1 know'n him this two year. He lives up at Beaver Crik. I’ll take it.— What’s the sum t” “ No you don’t, Bob Widdle 1” said ari other, seizing the letter. “I. go you one better on that pile. I know a sprinkling of letters, myself: and that name thar are no more Sam Hitch than a alligator drinks whisky. Them tall scratches is a couple of J’s. J. J.—George Goosecat Whar’s Big George ?” “ Gone down to the Forks —and you 1 know it —a week ago. Nobody ever wrut ; a letter to him, nayther.” ' “ Well, what the. devil’s in the rag, ; anyhow ?” exclaimed another impatient. ■ “ Here’s a bit of paper some fool has I winfpled out for somebody here ; and it 1 racks the brains of all Nightmar to scritter fINI>F.I'ENL>KNT FN EVKKVTIIING.I “ But i-m he read 1” “ Yes. and write. I've seen him do A horseman with a spare horse was at once dispatched for the learned man. Hope now increased their hilarity. Hi larity increased their drinking. Drink ing led them to banter each other upon their ignorance. And joking upon that fender point ultimately led to ill-feeling. High words of wrath ensued, and quickly following came divers challenges to sec who was the best (namely the worst) man ; and forth issued the halt’ intoxicated mob of raving Nightmares, and incontinently pitched into each other, in a grand free fight all round the post office —such a light as can only be achieved by the wild and reckless men of the far Southwest. Such gouging, biting, swearing, hug ging, tumbling, yellingj rolling, battering, bruising and bleeding, as was then and there indulged in, had never before been witnessed in that part of our glorious country. For more than an hour it con tinued, when, from sheer exhaustion, the pictorial combatants, to the number of fifty or sixty, desisted, in a most extraor dinary plight of blood, dirt and rags; and reason having partially resumed the throne which had been usurped by their exces sive animal spirits, they lay or leaned about the premise's, patiently bleeding, aching, panting and smarting—examining into the state of their features, clothing, flesh and bones—awaiting the arrival of Joe Batter. - At last, with his galloping escort, he appeared, and threw himself from his foaming horse, in wonder alike at the singular errand, and the condition of the crowd before him. “Here, Joe Batter, tell us who this confounded letter is for!”, cried the postmaster, handing him the letter and a horn of whiskey. Joe drank the latter with the calmness -of one 'who was used to it; and then, proudly summoning the attention of all, read aloud the mystic subscription : “ Pe ter Quitman!” All started. “ Peter Quitman! Why, it’s for Old Pete Quitman after all. And he’s dead. Died last week of whiskey. And now what is to be done ?” was the general re mark. , “ Open it, Joe.” “ Shall I ?” asked Joe, of Jimmy Herod. ■* Why. yes. No harm in reading a dead man's letter, as I know on.” “ Then here goes.” The missive was unsealed, and Joe Batter read it aloud to hts breathless hearers. It was from Old Pete’s only child, a daughter ot sixteen, who had years be fore been sent to a Northern town, in the care of a relative—her father’s constant drinking preventing his ability to support her. She was now a school-teacher, she wrote, and begged her father to renounce his fatal course, and come on and live with her; otherwise, her affection would prompt her to journey to Nightmare, where, perhaps, she might still keep school. Such a letter, just at that time, from the innocent girl to her dead father, and on such a subject, made a deep impres sion upon all neuters, and a lasting and reformatory one on many. Soon after reading, with downcast eyes, they rose, and went their saddened home ward way. The unaffected, unpremedi tated sermon had fallen upon their in most hearts. Ignorant as they were, and brutishly as they had acted, there was much of man’s nobler nature glowing and working within them. As to the post office, though Jimmy v Herod hopes little of it as fur as the mail hag is concerned, for the present, he looks forward with a patriot’s eye for the ob .iteration of rebellion ; when he antici pates the spread of civilization all over South and West. His “store” is hii main reliance, and it is true that he has nired Joe Batter to “ ijo all the reading” tor him. as long as he holds offiee—Joe to lie paid with the freedom of whiskey at the bar. Batter believes that he has the best of the bargain ; but ‘delirum tremens’ may yet show him that such good fortune is but fatal. SPECULATION IN THE WEST, A day or two since, a friend of ours, a merchant in this city, was hailed in the street by a tall, rough-looking fellow, very plainly attired in linsey-woolsey, cowhide boots and slouched hat, who accosted him with— " Hallo there, mister —I say! aint your name “ That is my name, sir,” replied the merchant. “Well, how d’ye do? 'Spose you don’t know me though.” “ I do not recollect having seen you be fore.” “ Well, 'spose not; but what I was goin’ to say, was bain't you got an eighty acre lot in Wisconsin, -county, eh t” “ I believe I do own a lot there.” “ Well, now, perhaps you would like to sell that ere lot ?” “ Well, sir, I am in a hurry; do you wish to buy it?” “ Well, now, I don’t ; what do you ask for that ere lot?” “ '1 wo thousand dollars, sir. “ Two thou—two thousand dollars ? No; you're joking I” , “ If you wish to purchase, sir, you know my price.” “ Well, now, wouldn't you like to take nineteen hundred, if you could get it, eh!” “ Why, sir, who will give it?” asked the merchant, eagerly, for he had bought it only a few months since, at the govern ment price. “ Well, will you take it? that’s what I want to know.” “ Yes, sir ; I will take nineteen hun dred.” “ Make out your papers then?” said the stranger. “I’ve got the money; here’s witnesses to the bargain and so saying, he drew from his pocket a large bag labelled “shot,” from which he counted the rhino and took his deed, evidently well pleased with his bargain. “ You seem pleased with the trade, sir,” said the merchant. “ Well, I guess I might as well,” said the stranger. “ Why,” returned the merchant, “ have you seen the lot?” “ Well, I guess 1 have.” “Is the land rem/nhibhj good? ” con tinued the merchant, supposing he had been trading with a green ’un. “ It'll do ! said the buyer. “ What is it worth?” said the seller. “Well, I don’t know what it’s worth, but I’ve dug about ten thousand dollars worth of lead ore out on’t already! I can’t tell how much more I’ll git!” and .with a broad laugh be stuffed the deed into his pocket and left our chopfallen friend to consider how mhch lead ore the balance of his eighty-acre lot in Wiscon sin might contain. O’We have no eggs for Easter EDITORS AND PROPRIETORS. JACK AND THE SKELETON. I n one of our southern seaboard cities, and on a long street —almost a road—leading therefrom to the country, “dwells an apothecary,” a vety tall and remarkably slender person—so thin in fact that one would suppose he fed exclusively on his own professional mixtures. No tailor dare venture to cut a coat or any other garment in any way approaching a snug Ht to his person, for fear of haring the work returned on his hands and in that case they would be found to tit nobody else. And yet, with this extraordinary paucity of flesh there was a great supply of humor in our hero ; he was extravagantly fond of practical jokes, and practiced them freely when occasion offered. He had an electric machine secluded from sight and when any lazy person sauntered into his shop and ventured to indulge in a nap or lounge, he was sure to be shocked into activity, and pushed otf. He was a great advocate for temperance, and yet was ready to furnish gratis a brimming glass of any sort of liquor any customer might fancy, but liquor was invariably found to produce more nausea than any other sen sation. But a contrivance which afforded him most merriment was a skeleton of a full grown person in a closet of easy access to his shop. This skeleton was placed erect on a platform which ran smoothly on wheels ; and when the door was opened, this platform was pulled forward by an unseen thin wire or string, which connected it with the bolting of the closet door.— There were also similar wires fastened to the wall behind the skeleton and passing over eftch shoulder bone, were attached to the wrist. Consequently, when the closet door was opened, the platform on which the skeleton stood not only advanced but both arms and hands were lilted up wards I if any intoxicated, noisy, boisterous, or imprudent fellow came into his shop, the apothecary would manage, in some way, io lead him to that open door ; and it rarely failed (as he used to say) l, to take the liquor and spunk out of him.” He bad two or three apprenticed laris in his employ, who naturally relished these jokes, and pracbcad them with his full consent, when he might be absent. One day during his temporary absence, a sailor came drilling along —occasionally stopping and dancing a jig and singing, tu the great n.e.Timei.t of a gang of toys who followe I him. He was just drunk enough to play fool, but not too drunk to navigate. He eventually brought up at the door of our apothecary, and bracing himself in the door-way. yelled out: “ Hallow, my hearties! here you are with your stuffed alligators and gallipot mixins for sick folks! Why the devil don't you keep grog for tuff folks like me T” and here he shuffled off a rigadoon, and made himself very merry. “ Well, Jack,” said one of the lads, “ what kind of grog do you want.” “ I’ll take brandy,” was the prompt reply. “Very well, go and help yourself; (handing him a tin mug,) you will find it in that closet.” Jack went as directed and pulling open the closet door, found himself within grasping distance of an advancing skele ton ; be incontinently fell back a step, dropped his tin cup, turned ash-color, made one spring to the door, and when be reached the street, took to the middle of it, and ran like a deer till he reached a supposed safe distance. Shortly after this our apothecary re turned, and being informed of the event was greatly amused, but sadly lamented his absence. “ I wouldn’t have missed seeing it,” said he for a great deal. Ido wonder if he wih come back this way 1” But this was not probable, and yet it was the only way to town. In the course of a few hours, however, sure enough. Jack was heard at a distance on his way back, singing and dancing. -i- Our apothecary, hopefully anticipating an encore, went out on his doorsteps and ele vated his thin person, and extending his long emaciated arm and hand, very kindly beckoned to Jack to repeat bis visit. Jack no sooner saw him than he put his helm hard aport,” and sheered over to the other side of the street, button ing his jacket over his breast, and pressing bis tarpaulin closer on his head, so as to be ready for a run if chase was given. “Ah yey, old bag of bones, says Jack } “there you are again, are you? Ton think I don't know you now you’ve gpt your clothes on and away he went yn his course, leaving our apothecary rather puzzled in deciding which of the two got the sharpest end of the joke. Brown county, Indiana, from which tlie cry of heavy Federal taxes comjes, pays under the U. S. revenue law, for (he first three months, the enormous, crush ing, stupendous and tremendous tax' of just 22 cents! ! W How to make pantaloons last— make the coat and vest first. NO. 9