The Altoona tribune., March 24, 1863, Image 1

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i MUtiitL Duplies relic for „. H ' nßi ''
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t ;a»l>eet Item -Cwmih
14 often, desiring to )une.ft»| r »■,-.
tldente prlcevftjmW ?1t« u.
i tgvst sires, Berpefs Weekly ri K ''' t >
J#»- Scientific American. T 0 ' 1 '
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IniAerbocker, Ibsckwood’s .a?ln-t 0 " 11 '
!¥* Lsdt» Book, Ledy'sK^^;*^-
Mule, lmntoftex*i? s -, ,Prtw
iftd ratotsntisl lie If blading. S2S „ 01
l'anmblet |»to, b„„nd In rillT
toy moderate prices. Persons L ‘
. net to Mod. will receive •llltoii *
idy be sent to ns from.»dlstentim 1 !'' !
irnrk tooorcsrewllltmi! 4,1
llMy pecked end retarnsd bnfamST' 1
Address P. L. BOTTeIT
Sari Uhu jf , {>„
I 4 DKHK. et the Trtinae QlScr
T W»ity- »*y *w
to binding, end receive end toenTi: ,
sberges. fur ell ele nt, •
£ ” •' C»»rcb«.ij <i 3
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JACOB WETS,
SK AND CONFECTIONER
Vutoixu Strut. Ai.too».,Pa.,
■s CONSTANTLY ON HAND
• EADj OAKES, GANDIES
sMBUS. of hi* own manufacture, Which W
MmM, whotawle or retail,'at ike most reason-
Abo, nmeiAN fruits, < ac fa u
CDS LEMONS, PINE-APPLES,
MINES, RAISINS, NUTS,- &C„ &0„
um <1 In their ,te«pectivo seasons. •
SS BAKED TO ORDER.
ir ooCMioui, on ihort notice and In the M |.
stjte of tke%rt.
mine end price my etock and you will hoc
rid chrnp «» can bo purchased elaewhrce.
)NFECTIONEEY
> OYSTEE SALOON,
SI'HSOUIRER WOULD IN
\ the citizens uf Altoona and vicinity that )ii«
NUT and FRUIT STORK. is atwiu.
Wj! the very to behad, and in pr.-at
|«-llihs also an
VSTKH SALOON
filestore. in which ho will upOTSTEfiS
rlt* during the season.
BAKED RUE AD d PlE&,always on hand.
dl times prepared to supply cakes, candies, *c-.
apd other parties, lie invites a share of public
pitying that he can render full satisfaction to
ftj. hisitore and saloon is on Virgiiiiostteer.f «>.
’aUonV Hull.
M.lft. 1861-tf
1. FETTINGER’S
tfal Xews Agency.
ALL, No. 7, MAIN STRKKT
JL BOOKS. BLANK. BOOKS.
NEUY, GONFECtIONAIUKS
ARS & TOBACCO,
D NOTIONS IN GBEAT VARIETY
ON HAND.
.I*6l.
■» LLOYD & CO,,
* '■ AXTOOVA, Ft.
S!STON. JACK & CO..
!•, . BOXJtWAF&CBOi PA-
ANKERS,
Johnston, Jaek $ Co.”)
TS ON THE PRINCIPAL
611 w audOold for sale. Ooll«ctiou»
i; Mired on dopoilU,
or upon time, with ioteraet.et ,mr ret**-
; KESSLER—PRACTICAL
OOIBT, respectfully
Iwr Altoona and the poUlcgea^^^^^W
! will continue* tlie l)ri(g
met, where' he ,
w, VbaleealescdUeieAßSOWk
CUEMICAIA OILS, VAU.MBH- |
STOt’KS.' . 1
tentkin to tnutneae, sad a deeftetn render
)*»■ regard* price and quality;, ho
lire a •We of public patronage. , \
utdmerchant*enppUMon t^**on»W f ’™'i
tom. a distance promptly attended »■
ireecriptions carefully Compounded, [i '
ADY FIUBNDS WOUI-l> DO
fek la upon th* «hok»
■
Cor.aTTirgfaU MN* Ottonn* •“
ASD LAJU) OILS, CAM
JOraiucHnld.CMbo. «^-‘ e^ gLKB i.
*Vi> AT McCOKm^^"*
nOUT «*>r6««rt
kiiies.—a .
HAT, TOOTH,:Stt4 VlJiG
!<«ii nod Twoali Bru»b«
OF ft, ;
-as
J* «riety, at
.a; 1,982. ' . —■-
STALES .OiJWjfcjg&SS?
:Os* CUR b« fovrul ** I»AW»P___—.
NKKAL
'1.;.-:.-' ,m:.i J?v-- •
JA AS^OKTMKNiW^S
JwC*U><S*t - '
!oii,
McCKEM & DEKN;
V r .)L. 8
the ALTOONA TRIBUNE.
£ g jIcCRUU.
„„ Al i n um. (payable iutariiMy in aiyance.) »1 60
111 pap 6l ' l tlwor.tinueO at th« expiration of Hie Unit)
p«ltl
1 insertion 2 do. 3 do. 1
. ui-liowor less. $ 25 $ $ 60 i
' snuitre. (5 liue<) ou • 100
* qU k li(w i fto 2 ik) ,
1“' J r< j* « ) 160 200 250 j
‘ '^ r t j, rot . week* hu‘l less than three mouths. 25 cents ;
r*.msr« for each Insertion.
)' rr 3 months. 6 mouths. 1 year, i
.*1 60 $a U) f 6 00
. 2 60 400 : 00
. 400 C CM) 10 00
k .. 600 SUO 12 00
l!iU * .. 000 10*00 14 00
a colnmi.’ WOO 14 00 20 00
■'" c „lm..n MOO 25 00 40 00
, .iiimftrotor»aiHi ti»«-utol» NuticM 1 ia
si * rtt-inc by tire year, thw »q"«re»,
5.,11. Hl»rtv tu climuge 10 00
■•rokiMouftl or Bn*in«»a Card*, Dot exceeding h' llntM
v (ti» per your & OO
.-tiiuiuuuicetioiw of a politic* character or Individual
rest, will !»• charged according to the above Tales .
vlvertiwiuenls* not marked with the number of iuser
. o»—irt*d. will be continued till forbid and c mrged
„rdinp m the above b mm.
BudueM notice* five cents per line for every Insertion.
„ lU itiv M.itice- exceeding ten lines, fifty cent* m-equare.
5U lwe«or less,
square
e »r
m Cr
balti.viore lock hospital
, .;, r .idUdlldl> AS A RHFUJR FKOMQUACK.KRY
' fie Only Place Where a Cure Can
be Obtained,
DU. JOHNSON Inis discovered the
moat Certain. Speedy ami only Effectual Remedy in
, WJl [.i Or all Private Diseases. Weakness of the Hack
Limb*, iiriftur.-.-*. Affections uf the Kidney* and Uhul
>> iHvuiuaury Ducnarge*, Imputency, General Debility.
hf» >u«es«. Dyspepsy. Languor. Low Spirit*. Confusion
1 1 UaU'iUiiou of the Heart. Timidity, Tremblings,
. of iighl or Oiddiuess, Disease of the He«d.
• Sow or Skin, Affections of the Liver. Lungs. Stum
" .(l|,mc Terrible disorders arising from the
, ' > jrv II dills of Youth —those secret and solitary prac-
i ( ,ire f.itil f then victim* than thosongof .Syrens to
i, tUrnreiv of Ulysses, blighting their most brilliant
' yr auticipatijus. rendering marriage ,4c.. impossi
.
. (neeteUy. who hare becuHe fbto tfetftftftofcawtJfc’Vice.
n It (IreAJtQland dtfclucUre lihbiT'whiclrafitfimKf (peeps
»n thoaiiandUof Yonuirilen of the most
\ , tir-ul talents and brilliant intellect, who might 'other*
have oiitraucw! 4i*leui)rc Senates witl* t' e jhundeis
or waked to ectasy the living lyntj&tajr call
*iih full confidence.
MARRIAGE.
Juried Persons, Or Young >leii«otaai|>|htißjritoai*riage,
„ jig aware uf physical weakness, urga*d6.i4ebUfty, defur
•. tv. A>-.. speedilt'Ciired.
lie wim place* htm*eif under tb rt care of Dr. J, may re
tgiuiMlvcoiifi h in hu honor as a gentleman; aud confi*
•rtlr i»dv upon hi* skill as n physician.
ORGANIC WEAKNESS
i ned. ttfclv Cured, mi.l full Vj-ur Restored,
i ii. Dnw'k-9*uig AIL-, i .v.n —which l enders Life miserable
inuiii-y impossitd*—i* the penally paid by the
• ii-•»'* i ii|*Tvjpjr in \oung ns arc to
,• i c Hiimit wxces <•- from n-.i being hwhh- *f th- dread
••micpi.mce* til. t :mv i-n-ui*. Now. who that under
. i U the Hubjact wpl pretend to deny that the-power of
r-.iii.ti U lost-*o «ner by fho-e falling into improper
..r.ia rhtn l-y th- prn lent' Beside* being deprived the
mr--, uf healthy otf-priug- tin; most M-rion* and de
, • active sviixplom* to both l»"<iy and mind arise, The
- ■«!rj. it ifsrouies Deranged, the Physical and blllu*-
mh Weakened. L<>*- of Pmcr.-ative Ib.wcr, Nervous Irri
-Lilitr. Dv-»p‘p*ia, Palpitation nf the l(e:irt. Indigestion*
.antKatbmal Debility, a Wasting of the Frame. Cough.
■:i-tn»plKm. Decav and Death.
or?ic£. no. t'sduth Frederick street.
hull i cide going from Baltimore street, a few doors
;v u tin: - or'ier. Kail not t«> ohs-rve name amLnumber
nuist h-- ji iid ami contain >* stamp. The Doc
>>: A Diplomas hang iti hi? office
A CURE WAHRANTEQ IN TWO DAYS.
5#" 1 jTo J/.jrcury or JVuseon ,« Drugs. ' N
OTTO ROSSI
OH. JOHNSON.
i-mw of the Royal Colh-ge ol Surgeons, London, Qrad*
lie iVum oiio of tiie most eminent Colleges iu the United
: U? I *. and til • greater part of whose life has been Spent in
;:•* hospitals of L union, Ran*, Philadelphia ,aml else
uer-‘. has effected smut* of the most astonishing cures
! .it wore ever kn.tvru; many troubled with ringing in the
i.i and t*ir*‘ when asleep, great nervousness, being
. anuud &t sudden sou ids, bashfuluess, with frequent
ladling, attended sometimes with derangement of mind,
•'.■re cured immediately.
Dr. J. addresses all those who have injured themselves
r i npr »per indulgence and solitary habits, which ‘ruin
j >th b >Jy and mind, unfitting them for either business.
• ’<i ly. society or marriage.
These are some of the s*d and melancholyiwffßcta'pn*-
.;> -d by early habits of youtlii via: Weakness of the
‘lack and Limbs, Palus in the Head, J)iror ess of bight.
- Power, Palpitation of tbe dfenrt. Dys-
N&votu Irritability. Derangement of She Diges
ive General Debility, Symptoms of Cousmup
’n. tc.
i!i*t\LLi-—The fearful effects of the Blind are much to
■•} dressed—»L of Memory, Confusion of Ideas, Do
of apiriU.Kril-Forebuduig*. Aversion to Society.
vlf-DUtnut, !a»re of Ac.* are some of
'ttf evils pr<>ducwd. *
rR)U3i.Nos of {xersons of all ages can nowjudge what is
.V< can** of their declining health, losing their rigor, he
*!iing pale, nerrons and cm’dated, haying a sin*
pillar appearance about the eyes, congh and symptoms of
‘■'.'iiiumptloD
YOU NO WEN
«r*o have injured-themselves by 1 * certain practice In-
in when alone,* habit freqpently leHniod-.fron»
vM contiiHinoita/ot* nt selniol. fh^'Mwt- 4 ’of Which are
XWt. even when asleep, and if out cnfcd rondj-r*
a trrtijfa hlip<)*ble, and destroys both mipa aud body,
-aottl.J PppHriimuedifctely
' WbaftWray that a .voting than, thohope of; hi* country:
te parent*: should be snatched from all
jDip«ctrHtid epjoyn»titt of life: by the consequence of
-witting'from ih© path of nature, and IndnltfinK in a
• ruin secret habit. Such persons *o«T, befiJre cotileai
■il.iting
that* sound mluilunirboilv ufs th* most ne'casary
rsijaUiTvs to iiromute couiuibt i) lrds*d. witb
jul the**, the journey thumxh Ufr becomes a weary-piU
rrimmo; tlie piunpect hourly '■darken® to tftevlew; the
nm I hsc-i.'iK** ahvlovred with despair and filled with the
>t.v reflection that the happiness of another be
comes blighted with «mr4>wß. ,
DISEASE OF IMPRUDENCE. t
When the mingnided and Imprudent totary, or pleasure
Ihili thit bn lias Imbibed the >eeds juf. thhl •p*iiiful di.s
'‘ne. l» bio often happens that an ill-timed eenee-ofshaine.
• Mr«*:vl of discovery, deters him from apply|ng to t!io»e
from education and respectability, ean• hK>ne bo
fr-n.I him. delaying till the constitutional-symptoms of
•hi-, k-irrid disease make their appearance, such as ulcera
• i. • i-ire tliro it. diseased nose, nocturnal pain s in the head
'od limbi, dimness of sight, deafbesa, the ah in
’•"w and arms, blotches on the head. laoo and extreml
progressing with frightful rapWHty» till; «t ! laat-the
p d »t«j of the mouth or the bones of the doss fall in, and
'•b» victim of this awful disease becomes * hofrW otyect of
i nitration, till death puts a peridd to his dreadful
'offerings, by sending him t • '* that Country
from whence no traveller retnrns.”
It U a mtlmichott/ fact thnt • thousands fait victims to
’•*'»* terrible disease, owing to the unekiUfolhiese of
''nt pretenders, wlw, by the nse of that Xtettßy /bt#oa..
X rtnrg. ruin Che constitution aud make the residue* of
ids miserable.
_ STRANGERS
Trust not yonr Urea, or health to the care of the many
CilMnulaml WWtiu-M Pretenders. <teilU*te of knowl
edge. n.-.iuu or ch iracter, wh « copy Dr JohUijtoifl <ulwr*
or stylo theiiHelw. in the newspapers, regu
'»iy K located PUy-dcian*. Incapable of Curing. they keep
trifling month after month, taking their filthy and
P'Uattome>»inpmttidfl.or as long as the smallest fee caa
»'*tained. and in despair, leave you with ruined health
•ongli aver your frtlli<i£ dbappointment.
Dr. j.»ha<ton is thaoiily Physician advertising.
UU credential or diplomas’*! ways hang in hie office,
.uis remedies or treatment ure unknown ,&> all oHiers,
pre;vsrMd fr itn a tif• sp mt In lbj great hospitals of Kqrope.
’-h>* ln the country and amoro extensive /Viuate /Vac*
tw than any other PhysicU'u in the world.
Tk indorsement! of the press.
eh* tunny thonoamlft cured at this institution. year after
y«ir. nn<l the numerous Important S'UrgkJiil .operations
•«*<. r ™ t '^J'diaHon. witnessed by the reporter* of tjbe
..’j'* “Clipper.” and many olh*r pspeltf, nolfcesl.of
n*f* appeared iipvtu ami ajpiln befort* the public,
■*l'' M * gentlemen of character nndre*
Possibility. i* a 'affluent guarantee totbe aiJHcfed.
O'SEASES SPEEDILY CURED.
■ *® t[ eir " received imleßi postpaid vid containing *
aptibeuaedon the reply Person* wntliigslioultlsbite
4 an i Bmt,) p»rth>nof Alv.«rtl-<eineni describing symptoms
Uo.r , °. a# Tf* 1 *, 11 * l^ '* c particular iu directing their
* lnstitution. in the following manner:
-JOHN M. JOMNSTON.M.D.r
Ofthe B«)U«ere Lock Hoeplui+Maryland .
edito&s kJi n PBopEirtoHb
TBKH9 OF AOVSBTI3ISO
TAKE PARTICULAR NOTICE
MARRIAGE.
€%s!& |?toetrg*
11. C. BERN,
ALL ON ACCOUNT OF LOVE.
It has fre ueutly been said that you might as well try
to set Niagara K lls on flr«? with aJucift-r match, bn (<• at
tempt to prevent a y->ung couple iV*»m getting jn«rri**d
when they take It in head* t« do so. They will
< Vex'oine a 1 obstacles to Hccofupit<th Nn<jh a purp-we. up
the fallowing sud story will aaialy dein »u*tr*te ;
In Manchester a maiden dwelt,
Uer name was I’luhe Brown ;
Uer cheeks v see red. Iter ijair was black.
And she was considered by good Judges to be,
L> all odds, the best looking girl in town.
Her age was nearly seventeen.
Uer eyes w re sparkling bright,
A Very lovely girl-was she—
And fur about a year and a half there hud been
a young man paying attention to her, bv the name of
Kenbeo Wright.
Now Reuben was a nice young mar
As any in tbatown.
And Pbebtt loved him very dear—
But on actouut of his bein<£ obliged to work for
a living, he never could make himself ngrevablo tu old
Mr. and Mrs. Brown.
liar parents were resolved
A nuttier she should wed—
A rich old miser in the ).Ihcc —
An l o{d Blown frequently declared th\t, rather
than bis daughter should marry heubeu Wright, he'd
sooner knock him on the head.
But Phebe’s byart was brave and strong.
She feare I no pat ent frown*.
And as fvr Reuben Wright so .bold.
I’ve heard him say more than fifty times, that,
with tire exception of Pbebe. he didu't care a straw for
the whole race of Browns!
So Phebe Brown ami Reuben Wright
Determined they would marry.
Three weeks ago last Sunday night
'they started fur old Parson Webster's, deter
mined to be united in the holy bond* of matrimony, though
it was tremendous dark and rained like thoold Harry.
But Captain Brown was wide awake
Ue loaded up his gun,
And then pursued the loving pair
lie overtook 'em wfat u they'd got a)»out half
way to the parson s, and Reuben and Phebe started off
upon a run.
Old Brown then took a deadly aim
But —M, it w.i* a bleeding shame—
lie made a mistake, and *ho{ his only daughter,
and had the utigui-b seeing b* r drop
right down stone dead.
Then anguish filled young R-üben’s hear
And Vengeance filled his brain.
He drew an awful jack knife out.
And plunged it into oh) Brown itLoal txTty <<r
sixty times', so that it was very d<>ubttu) about bin ever
coming to life again.
The briny drops from Reuben's eye*
In torrents poured down ;
lie yielded Up lhe ghost and died—
Ami this and heart-rending matter
terminated the history of Reuben and Phubo. and Uk>*-
wise of old CaploJu Brown.
IGNORANCE IN DIXIE.
, The following, is an extract from Rev.
J. H. Aughey’s book entitled “'i lie Iron
Furnace, or Shivery and Secession.”—
Speaking of the poor whites,” the author
Says:
They are exceedingly ignorant; not one
adult in fifty can write ; not one in twenty
can read. They can scarcely be said to'
speak the English language, using a patois
which is scarcely intelligible. An old
lady thus related an incident, of which
her daughter “ .Sal” was the heroine r“ My
darter Sal yisterday sot the lather in the
damsel tree, and dim up ; and knocked
some of the nicest, saftest damsels I ever
seen in nay bom. days.” I once called to
make some inquiry about the road, at a
small tenement,; inhabited by a sandhiller
and family. A sheet was hanging upon
tie wall, containing the pot rails of the
President of the United States. I re
marked to the lady of the house that those
were, I believed, the pictures of the Presi
dents.
“Yes,” she replied, “ they is, and I’ve
hearn tell of ’em a long time. They must
he gittin’ mighty old, of sonje of ’em aint
dead. 1 hat top one,” she continued,
“is Gineral Washington. I’ve beam of
him ever since 1 was a gal. He must be
gittin’ up in years, if he aint dead. Him
and Gineral Jackson fit the British and
tories at New Orleans* and whipped ’em
too.”
She seemed to pride herself greatly on
her historical knowledge.
One of these; geniuses'once informed me
of a particular kind of book “ he’d hearn
tell on,” that the Yankees had. He had
forgotten its name, but thus describes it:
“It told the; day of the week the
month come in on. It told when we was
gwine to have rain, and what kind of
weather we wjjjs gwine to have in gineral.
May be they call it a rain-how.”
I replied that 1 had heard of th« book,
and believed it was called an almanac.
“ You’ve said if now,” remarked the,
man. iVYt’s aralminipk, and I’d give half
l's wnth (o haVe one.’ I’d know.when to
take an unbelt, and if I haddent nary
one, I’d know twhen X could go a huntin’
without gittin;: wet.”<.
. % . ; r
43* A lazy man's farm is always dressed
in weedb, as if .he were dead' and it were
his mourning widow.
0* **i Very j|ood» but rather too point
ed,” as the Mi said when he had swal
lowed the bait I
Toward young Kcuben's bead
ALTOONA, PA., TUESDAY, MARCH 24, 1863
“ YU-BA-DAM.
In the northern part of this State is a .
stream called Yuba river. Across ii some i it appears from the following para
enterprising individual built a bridge : | graph from a Manchester paper that (he
and on the banks somebody built three, or j business of breaking the soldiers blockade
four houses. The inhabitants called the tis becoming unprofitable;—lt is currently
place Yul>a Dam. Three bars were in Manchester that the cargo of
staidly erected, ‘and the ‘ town,’ increased i the Princess Koval, reported to have been
rapidly. About noon one cool day a 1 captured by the United Slates blockade
traveler and a sojourner in the land passed j squadron, cost £lOO,OOO. Jl was princi
this flourishing locality, and seeing a prlly held in shares of £ 1,000 each.—
long-legged specimen of humanity in a ; f-our'leading firms took the risk in the
red shirt' smoking before one of the bars, ; first instant and held £23,000 each.—
thus addressed him : Some of this risk ‘ was afterwards spread
‘•Hello!” i over a large erea, by the dsitribulion ot
“ Hello!” replied the shirt, with vigor, the £l.OOO shares, and by subdividing
removing his pipe from Ids mouth. \ these again info shares of £lOO each:
"What place is this.” demanded the [ but still several of the original holders lose
traveler, whose name was Thompson. ; large amounts by the miscarriage of the
The answer of the shirt was unex- , venture, which it is understood was not
peefed; insured, owing to the large rales now de
“ Yuba Dam!” mamlcd for insurance on such speculations.
There was about fitly vards If-tween
them, and (he wind was blowing. Mr.
Thompson thought iie tiad been mistaken.
“ What did you ray !” he asked.
‘■Yuba Dam,” replied the stranger,
cheerfully.
"What phice is this?” roared Mr.
Thompson.
"Yu-ba-dani!” sttid the man in the
shirt in a slightly elevated tone ot‘ voice.
"Look herd" yelled the irate Thomp
son, I asked you politely what place this
was ; why in thunder don't you answer !"
'J he stranger became excited. He rose
and replied with the voice of an 80-
pounder ;
“ l r u-ba-JJtiin ! Do you hear that I
In a minute Thompson, burning with
the wrath of the righteous, jumped otf his
horse and advanced on the stranger with
an expression not to he mistaken. The
shirt arose and assumed a posture of of-
fence and defence.
Arrived within a yard of him. Thomp-
son said
T ask von for the last time. What
place is this?''
Lotting his hands to his mouth his op
ponent roared ;
•• Vr-iiA-I) \,m
The next minute thev were at it. First
Thompson was down ; then the shirt : and
then if was a dog-fall, that is, both were
down. They rolled about, kicking up a
tremendous dust, i hey squirmed around
so energetically that you'd have thought
they had a dozen legs instead of four. It
looked like a prize fight between two pu
gilistic centiped s. Finally they both
rolled oft'the bank and into the river,
the water cooled th-Mi; ; they went down
together, hut came up separate, and put
out for the shore. Doth reached it about
the same; lime. '1 hompson scrambled up
the bank, mounted his war-like steed, and
made tracks, his foe gouging the mud out
of his eyes.
Having left the business portion of the
town, that is to say the corner where the
three i bars were kept, he struck a house
in the suburbs, before which a little girl
of about five years of age was playing.
‘‘What place is this, Sissy?” he asked.
The lit tie girl, frightened at the drowned
rat figure which the stranger out, streaked
it for the house. Having reached the
door she stopped, turned, and squealed,
“ 00-bce-Dam!”
“ Good Heavens !” said Thompson dig
ging his heels between his horses ribs—
“ Good Heavens! let me out of this horrid
place, where not only the men but the
very babes and sucklings swear at inoffen
sive travelers'."— Harper's Magazine.
Scene in a Railroad Car.-— ln a
car on a railroad which runs into New
York, a few mornings ago, a scene oc
curred which will not sooon be forgotten
hy the witnesses of it. A person dressed
as. a. gentleman, speaking to a friend
across the car said: “Well, I hope the
war may last six months longer if it
does I shall have made enough to retire
from business. In the last six months 1
have made a hundred thousand dollars—
six months more and I shall have
enough.”
A lady sat behind the speaker and ne
cessarily heard his remark ; but when he
was done she tapped him on the shoulder
and said to him: “ Sir, I had two sons—
one of them was killed at the battle of
Fredericksburg, the other was killed at
the battle of Murfreesboro’.”
She was silent a moment, and so were
all around who heard her. Then over
come by her indignation, she suddenly
slapped the speculator, first on one cheek,
then on -the other, and before the fellow
could say a word, the passengers sitting
had witnessed the whole affair,
seized him and pushed him hurrriedly out
of the car, as one not fit to ride with de
cent people.— N. Y. Post.
tST The clergymen of a small living, in
Yorkshire, on an occasion, received no fee
for marrying a parsimonious couple, and
meeting them twelve months after, at a
social gathering, took up their baby, and
exclaimed: “ I believe 1 have a mortgage
bn this child.” Itaby's papa, rather than
have tin explanation before the company,
quietly handed oyer a sovereign.
[independent in everything.]
i BAB SPECULATION OF BLOCKADE
BEEAKEES.
Hail the vessel ruu the blockade it is esti
mated that her cargo would have realized
half a million sterling. The cargo ot an
other vessel is now being subsen lied tor in
Manchester, but it is understood that'- up
wards of £20,000 is slid wanted to com
plete her freight. Report says that t.ie
Manchester people generally have been
unfortunate in their ventures connected
with running the blockade. Ibe emanci
pation movement in Manchester and the
neighborhood is developing a strong
sympathy with the federal government of
the Tinted Btat.es. which has been known
to exist among the masses of the people
all along, though strange to say. it was
slow in manifesting itself.
Fctting Things Too Far Apart.—
Sambo was a slave to a master who was
constitutionally addicted to lying. Sambo,
being strongly devoted to his master, had
by dint of long practice, made himself an
adept in giving plausibility in Ids master's
stories.
One day when his master was entertain
ing Ins guests in his customary manner, he
related an incident which took place on
one of his hunting excursions.
“ 1 tired at a buck.” said he, "at a hun
dred yards distance, the ball passed
through his left hind foot and through his
head, just back of the ear.”
'1 his evidently producing some little
doubt in the minds of his guests, he called
upon Sambo to corroborate him.
" Yes, massa,” said the almost con
founded slave, after a moments hesitation,
“me see de ball hit him. Jes' as massa
lift up dc gun to de eye de old buck lift
up him foot to scratch 'im car; massa's
ball went clear through him heel at the
same lime !”
The guests were perfectly satisfied with
Sambo’s explanation, and swallowed the
whole without hesitation: but when the
guests were gone. Sambo ventured as fhr
upon his master’s good humor as to re
monstrate.
“ For goodness sake, massa, when you
(ell 'nudder such big lie, don’t put ’um so
far apart —me had tarnation hard work
to get ’um together."
Anecdote of Rich emeu. —One day,
the poet Desmarets, who was then very
young, succeeded ’in obtaining an audience
of the cardinal. When the poet was ush
ered into the presence of the minister, and
when the latter, with his usual courtesj',
had inquired to what cause he owed the
pleasure of his visit, the poet said :
“ Monseigneuf,” said the poet, “I have
come to solicit from your eminence the
appointment of controller general.”
Astounded at the boldness as well as
the magnitude of this request, the cardinal
frowned, and fixing his eyes sternly on
the young petitioner, said—
“ What had you hoped for, young man,
in making such an audacious request?”
“ I had hoped,” replied the poet, mod
estly, “ for something your eminence will
perhaps graciously deign to grant me—l
had hoped for the pleasure of a refusal.
They say your eminence refuses so well.”
“ I am so used to it,” observed Richelieu,
flattered by the compliment.
The compliment was by no means mis
placed, as the sequel proved; for from that
day the cardinal took Desmarets into favor,
and some time later gave him the very ap
pointment which the poet had begged of
him in jest.
Something in Favor of Marriage.
—Powers, the sculptor, willing to a friend
on what people call the folly of marrying
without the means to support a family,
expresses > frankly his own fears when he '
found himself in this very position; but
he adds, with characteristic candor : “To
tejl the truth, however, family and pov
erty have done more to support me than
I have to support them. I hey have
compelled me to make exertions which 1
hardly thought myself capable of; and
often, when on the eve of despairing, they
forced me, like a coward in a corner,
to fight like a hero —not for myself, but
for ray wife and little ones.”
O’ Many people consider the world as
a worm does the interior of a nut —simply
a place to feed and grow fat in.
THE BOOK OF JOB
There is not, perhaps, in all the sacred
canon, a more wonderful book than the
book of Job. Its doctrines nre deep and
sound. Its imagery Ts chaste, and beauti
ful. Its figures are lofty and striking.—
Its poetry is beautiful and vigerous. Its
representations of .God are sublime and
majestic, almost without a parallel. Its
descriptions of the works of God evince an
acquaintance with nature that is rarely
equaled. v
’i he writer discourses of' the thunder
and lightning, wind, rain, vapor, dew,
Trust, hall, snow, ice, various animals o‘
the earth, sea, and air, the poising of the
earth in empty space, her internal fires,
names various constellations in the starry
heavens, and speaks poetically of their in
fluence upon the seasons with a familiarity
that would do credit to the modern savant.
He draws out anil presents the true idea
of find and his providences,, and the trials
through which those are cnhed to pass,
who sincerely love him, and the high,
spiritual attainments and glorious growth
in grait: they require as a result; the
prosperity that attends them when God
again vindicates their character, the fol
lies and weaknesses even of God's people,
the trembling and yet the triumph of their
faith in darkness and temptations.
Should a man at the present day write
such a poem as the book of .lob, he could
not fail to he regarded as the most wonder
ful roan of the age, and yet his book was
probably penned about the time of Abra
nara. Was not the writer inspired!
Anecdote ok a French Actor. —In
one of Lemaitre's pieces the *• cue” re
quired that he should enter bearing tin
dead body of a young brother in his arms.
The supernumerary charged with this
played so well the dyad man that th<
public interrupted Frederick Lemaitre’s
soliloquy with a hearty round of applause.
Lemaitre was excessively angry,, and
while speaking, blew in the nose of tin
dead man, who did not budge. Lcmaifri
then, yielding to a lit of despair, plucked
a handful of hair from the poor supernu
merary's head; he did not move. At
last, Lemaitre suddenly opened his arms,
that he might dry the fast flowing tears
in his eyes; the poor supernumerary fell
an his head which made the stage floor
echo with the loud rap; he lay as he fell,
without moving. Lemaitre could not
proceed. Round after rbund of applause
was bestowed on the humble supernumer
ary Lemaitre’s anger knew no bounds, and
he swore that the poor supernumerncy
should not be applauded the next even-,
ing. When he brought in his dead
brother the second time, he began tick
ling his ribs the moment he entered upon
the stage ; the supernumerary tried to
look “ dead,” but a broad grin soon stole
over his face, and he was hissed most ve
hemently.
Paddy Hates and the Turtle. —ln
New York ji man was carrying a live
turtle alongjrhc street, when along cairn
an Irishman, lollowed by a large dog. Thi
countryman tried by gentle words to gel
the son of Emerald to put his finger in
the turtle's mouth, but he was too smart
for that.
“ But,” says he, “ I’ll put my dog’s tail
in, and see what the beast will do.”
He immediately called up his dog, took
his tail in his band and stuck it in the
turtle's mouth. He had scarcely gut it in
when Mr. Turtle shut down on the poor
dug's tail, and off the latter started at a
railroad speed pulling the turtle after him
at a mure rapid rate than ever it had
traveled before. The countryman think
ing his day’s work would be thrown away
if the animal should run at that speed
turned with a savage look upon the Irish
man and exclaimed:
“ Call back your dog.
Patrick put his hands into his pockets,
threw his head to one side winking, and
then answered with- a provoking sang
froid:
“ Call back your fish.”
A Tough Story. The other evening,
in our “ private crib,” there was a learned
dissertation; subject: “Bed-bugs and
their remarkable tenacity of life.” One
asserted of his own knowledge that they
could be boiled and then come to life.—
Some had soaked them for hours in tur
pentine without any fatal consequences.
Old Hanks, who had been listening as an
outsider, here gave in his experience in
corroboration of the facts. Says he,
“ some years ago, 1 took a bed-bug to an
iron foundry, and dropping it into a ladle,
where the melted iron was, had it run into
a skillet. Well, my old woman used that
skillet' pretty constant for the last six
years, and here the other day it broke all
to smash,, and what do you think, gentle
men, that ere insect just walked out of his
hole, where he’d been layin’ Uke a frog in
a ruck, and made tracks fur his old roost
up stairs! But,” added he, by way of
parenthesis, “by George, gentlemen, he
looked mighty pale.”
O' Men don't like to hang their hearts
upon a long female nose and there isn't
room to hang it upon a pug. ;
EDITORS AND PROPRIETORS
THE SIEVES OP SOCIETY.
You would not pour precious wine into
a sieve ; yet that were as wise as to make
a confidant of one of those *• leaky vessels”
of society that, like corporation water
carts, seem to have been made for the ex
press purpose of letting out what they
fake in. '1 here is this difference however,
between the perforated puncheon add the
leaky brain—the former Toys the dust and
the latter is pretty sure to ram one.—
He ware of oozy-headed people, between
whose ears and mouth there is no parti
tion. Before you make a bosomfriend of
any man, be sure, that he is tecrtt-Hght. —
The mischief that the" hon-retet>tiV6B do is
infinite. In the war they often mar the;
best-taid schemes and render ftitile the
must profound strategy. In social life
they sometimes set whole communities by
the ears, frequently ireak up families, and
are the cause of innumerable misfortunes,
miseries and crimes. In business they
*poil many a promising speculation and
involve hundreds in bankruptcy and ruin,
i hereforc be very careful to whom you
entrust information of vital importance to
our own interests or to the interest of
tliuse you hold dear. Every man has a
natural inclination to communicate what
he knows, and if he does nut do so it is
because his reason an I judgment are
strong enough to control this inherent
propensity. When you find a friend who
can exercise absolute power over the com
municative instinct—if we may so term it
—wear him in your hearts.” If you have
no such friend, keep your own counsel.
Just Like Roseckans. —Mr. J. W.
has handed us a letter from his brother, a
chaplain in the army of the Cumberland,
who gave this interesting anecdote of
Gen. Rosecrens:
On Wednesday, while we were stationed
is guard to the ford, Gen. Rosecrans,
came up to Col. Price, commanding the
brigade, and said:
You’re Col. Price, commanding the
second brigade, are you?”
“ Yes, sir.”
Well. Colonel, will you hold this
ford?”
“Well, General, I will if I can.”
“'I hat won’t do, sir,” said Roncrans.
“ Will you hold this ford?”
“ I’ll die, in the attempt,” responded the
cautious Colonel.
“ That wod\t do, sir. Will you hold
this J'ordV' ' '
“1 will,” said the Colonel, firmly,and
Gen. Kosecrana rodßoff-without another
word, and left the Colonel to fulfil his
promise. —Sp ingfield (0.1 Atom.
Chronic Diarbhba and Diubrskt.
—A Boston paper gives the following re
cipe fur the above coaiphiintSi and- states
that it has been used by setters Returned
from the army in a state of great
feebleness, with entire success, restoring
them to health when urdnuay medical
treatment seemed of little avail. The
remedy is simple:
“ 1o one quarter of a pound- of hops
add two quarts of water, and simmer
down to about a quart; strain it upon one
pound of loaf sugar; when cold add one
pint oi genuine old Jamaica rum ; it must
be pure. Bottle and take a wine glass
full three times a day. If the case: be
severe and of long standing, a medicated
pad should be worn over l the bagweb.-
• his pad should be made of flannel and
tilled with figs, raisins, pulverized cloves,
allspice, cinnamon and other spices, kept
moist with spirits.”
' Pruning the Grabe.—While there
arc several good ways of pruning the
grape, we regard the following as most
commendable. It was stated, at a late
horticultural meeting, tu be the mode of
the speaker:
“Whether I prune in the autumn or
spring, I leave at least three buds to a
spur; the lower bud for the purpose of
making a new cane, the middle bud to be
rubbed out, and the third bud for pro
ducing the fruit; the practgg cut
down to a single bud. The reason for
leaving three buds is the simple foot that
thinl, fourth, fifth or sixth bud will pro
duce larger and better fruit than the first
and second.”
W “ Why don’t you limit yourself?*’
said a physician to an intemperate person
—“set down a stake that you will go so
far and no farther.”
“ So I do,” said the toper, “but, I set
it so far otf that I always get drunk be
lore I get to it.”
<3-“Oh, Jacob,” said a master to bis
apprentice it is wonderful to Me
what a quantity you can eat.” “,Tj£,
master,” said the boy.. I have been
practicing it since 1 was a child.”
(3- A Michigan soldier, who was ar
rested for stealing a rebel’s goose, said !he
found the bird hissing at the Ameri<3.B
flag, and he arrested it for treason. J
9; Genius and talent are a splendid
fortune thafisoftengamhledaway pretty
much like meaner fortune*
.a
NO. 8