The Altoona tribune. (Altoona, Pa.) 1856-19??, February 10, 1863, Image 1

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k Bindei‘v
Market St , llarrinbury f f> ([
lishuunt is chiefly devoted
ct.Nije of Blank Book*, for
[fees, Railroad Companies.
litiuaU. In fill ti»
ami workmanship muy '
•9. made and ruled to order Tri llo>
iUlOltt. Duplicates, 4c„ fut n!| U 1,,:
•in. ruled it ml hound to order ' r P
the heat linen pHjver. *
oltik-rs. desiring lo have their Books,
li'inli) prices, should give us a cal) f
gv»t sires, Harper's Weekly.
1. Scientific American. London \.l‘
mi m any style required. flamer's vi ,
ekerhocker. Blackwood's ",.To™,
> Lady's Book". Lady's Ile t e,,i u , r ™ ‘
nmo Music. Sc., liound in eaten 5i11...
li substantial half binding. Keleet n’
aihes, I‘amnliU-t laws, hound in Eiaal”!"'
17 moderate prices. Persons 4,1
es to bind, will receive a liberal disuno,]*
ybe sent to us from a distance bv , '
ork entrusted toonrcarewill be in, ■
ely packed and returned bv law,, '
ed. Address F, L. fIUTTKR
Harrubury, p iu
i DKKN, at the Tribune Officn arou.k
s. and Vicinity. They, win Rive infer, '
binding. and receive and return book
larges, for all who ent.ust tlieir work i,"
[March 21.1802-ly 1
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-i • sJ:a|E -5 .
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lv P
Sis .Street. Altoona. Pa.,
i instantly on hand
|jYS.;ol hi. own manufacture, which
or retail, at tile most rraauii-
WIr.EUiN FItUITS. such as
p. RAISIN'S. NUTS. &C.. &C„
I > ■ -ir respective sea*) in*.
:if. on short notice and in the neat
tht- art.
.price my stock and yon will find
r'can be purchased elsewhere.
:.S(T;ij',ku would in
• ' "f Allot.n:i and vicinity that hi*
V .NUT and Fi;I!JT STOKE, is alway*
>■ iy f .it iirtiJi s be had, and in great
iu which he will serve up OYSTERS
'.D i'tltKAD 1 1- J'IFS always art hand.
• prepared to supply cakes, candies. 4c.,
i-r part i« a. He invite* a share of public
jg that he can render full satisfaction to
o-i- 1 and saloon is onVirgtoiiastteel.two
n -Hall. ' OTTO KOSSI.
m Xews Agency.
■TAXTLY ox uaxd.
iOYD & CO.,
f, Johnston t Jack $ Co.*’)
ih>i* and Gold for. Bale. Collection*
:v< (I on <lfjK>Hite, payable on demand,
ip‘.u time, with iuterest al Wr rates.
■ rt*sj«*ctful)y an non nee*
■*maand the public
Hntmtie» the Drug
■me he keep* constantly
JmltrHaleand Retail, DKCUS,
biICALS. OILS, varnish-
n to business, and a deafre to render h»i*
h.-muL, price and quality, he hojv« i“
j-hare of public patronage.
Kichants supplied on reasonable terim.
hulistance promptly attended to.
■t ions carefully compounded, [I-ny
| upon the choke and chante
R:.-S GOODS lu.w displayed npon w»
c. Cor. of Virginia and •
c Kluia, Carlrou °U. *c-
assortment of Heady-Mad®
“ f Gro “ .'S"i IS.®"
V ‘ ruisl ‘ Br ’“ h,, ‘ Ut KKSSUKB'S-
fy and expedite; UBly
•. „t LAVdUMA> •'
u. be found a‘ *
AL assortment of
lJ.,ir «n.i Clothe.
******** ss^*
1.1 LAPOff^i
1 Hoyt, at
VOL- 8
the altooha tribune
..JJ ...u, OKHN
s pJb'ilshkss ASD raoPßiEToas.
r.ayahlo iuvariabiv in advance,; $1,60.
f *,> ‘ ,*-continual at tho expiration of lh*-time
! ju^rtlon
* , - i>
- do. 3 do,
* $ 60
60 75 1 Oft
1 00 1 50 2 00
1 50 2 00 2 60
'.* ck! , *»*i , “*" 4 t,irpp »»n*nth*, 26 c*«it«
'' „ „arh m--rtion.
o months. 1 year.
sl 60 $3 00 '$ sf»
2 60 4 »Mj 7 Oft
4 00 6 00 10 00
5 00 8 00 12 00
6 00 10 00 24 00
lO 00 14 00 20 XK>
u oo 26 00 40 00
T.i7»wr««"'' b«<- uU ’ r " Notices 176
*■** **"' IT.*"’’ v> w
8 5.00
liW! T.fratbms »(*V5Skd mracter or individual in-
J “ !I , Miar-ed according to the above rates.
r ‘i' rti«raen - not marked with the number of inser-
JfwireTwillhe continued till forbid and charged an
rlin,B notices five cents pec line for every insertion.
; ? lilies;.
.r-ju* l
,ine« ->r
"rhs Only Place Where a Cure Can
1 be Obtained-
Di( JOHNSON has discovered the
' , Certain. Sum W-and only Effectnal Urramly in
Virile Uisi-ukeS. Weakness of tin-Back
- Sirictur.-., Affections of the Kidneys ami I!ad-
L “JlAurv Bi.rm.rge., Hn|.', Oeu.-ra, Debility.
, Lue... Dvspepsy, Languor. Low Spirit?. Confusion
■ "!, '.I .ilatioi, of the Hear;, Timidity, Tremblings,
: ' wight or Giddiness. Disease of the lied.
*■“7% ; oi skin. Affections of the Liver. Lung-. Stptn
r J r B.ivH-lhiiic Terrible .lis.-rdcm arising Irom the
;rv ll. Lit-of Youth—those t«,ur and solitary prae
'"’ tr - ttd ;** iheii victims than the song of fcyr*-ua tn
■“"’•l'Vn'rs of L’ly.ispß. blighting their most brilliant
..r ADiitup-vtiuns, rendering marriage .ir,. impossi-
i,av» Maine the victims ol Solitary t ted.
V".'uihii and deal active habit which annually swedps
.Viutiwvlv stave timuaands of Young U«n of the most
l i ai tali'iita and brilliant intellect, aim might otlifl
•■ntnuiceil listening Senates with t' e thunders
, „ r waked to ectasy (he living, lyre. may call
-,:1. !u!l .-oilfliicncv
w .-n-,! Vvv*om* or Young Men cotempluting Hurrm#?, ]
-:<i; Kwar-j of physical weakue**, organic debility, aefur* .
ic.. st)-*edilr cured. „ ‘ !
.iVwii.t Maces iiim-vlt under tlr> cure of Dr. J. may re-,]
»» l*w honor as a gentleman, and confi- j
v.Hr W lv np«n: hi* wkill as a uhycicmu.
-u-nr-lititfi' Cured. and f»U ' i- l ' r Rcstorea. _
7i.i4 DbtrWmg Affection —which renders Luc miserable
• 1 ,■! irriit'-* 1 impoSMbU*—ia th- penalty pam by the
■[ u - r. vTope- indulgence*. Young persons »r*. to
•’m’j commit exc-s *’S from not .being nwaie of the dread*
dcmo-mu-nces tin t may en-m**. Now. who that tinder*
i’. hi- -Mdect will pretend to deny that the power of
.. p. 'tnu 10-( «•» ‘tier l»v lho-e-falling into improper
-tJisTh-iu bv the urudent? Decides being deprived the
PaiurtfintbeaUhv offspring, the most serious ami de
* * ’it ** i Vi* NvwutomV to both body and mind arise. The
b*come« Deranged, ilk- Physical and Mental I-unc
’ .-.i WV*ken-d. Los* of Procreative Power, Nervous Irn
ibiiitv. DvHL-tMia, Palpitation of th« Heart. Indigestion
istituti'ina.l Debility, a Wasting of the Frame, Cough.
..'a.uwulion. Decay and Death.
tem-l ,t.U> *«to* fram Baltimore street, n few doois
...11 111., r ..irinT. Fail not to’obfrve name nnrl Dumber,'
Litter* must he paid and contain t\ stamp. The Doc
■iM Diiiloma* hang in hU office
Xo Mercury nr Xustons Drugs.
OR. JOHNSON. • n .
■letuber of the Royal College of Surgeons, London. Orad
:it? from one of the most eminent Colleges in lh** Lnited
imd Ck- greater part of whose lily has been spent in
hospitals of tendon. Paris, Philadelphia and eUe-
Rli'-r-’ ha* effected some of the most astonishing cures
,'ut w r- ever known; many troubled with ringing in the
cif .*ml eirs when asleep, great nervousness, being
lUniied at sudden eon ids. bashfulness. with freejuont
•-iadiing, atleuded sometimes with derangenu-ut of tmud.
cured immediately.
Pr.J.a.WrMJwail those who have injured ihemieives
i i u;>r m.r indulgence and solitary habits, which ruin
ah and mind, unfitting them for either hueilie««.
'.jU-. siKii'ty or uiamHge; __
tntst are some of the eud anti melancholy effectß; pro
by i-arly habits of youth, vir. i Weakness w.tu*
iVk and Limb*, Pains tn. the, Head, Ditiire** of fciglit, j
v -i if Muscular Power,. Palpitation of the **
. y.«v. Nervous rrriUbllitv. Derangement of the Diges
>. i miction.-, Debility. Symptoms of Commmp
-:jn. ic. -at*
\lcxt,\LLt.--The fearful effects of the mind are much_to
? drea.levl—L <»* of Memory, Oufusiuu of. Ideas/. De
of spirits, KviDPorv boding*. Aversion to B<»ctety,
j-li-Di-tru*!. l*ove of solitude. Timidity, i'C M are some of
*u- p\ila pr >duced
Important disclosures of the exhausted condi
tion of the rebels West of the Mississippi are fur
nished bv the official correspondence of General
Hindman, recently captured at'Van Huron. Ark,
by our forces under Gen. Herron. The dispatches
of Hindman and his officers, ranging in date from
the middle of November last to the middle of De
cember, tell an unvarying story of starvation and
distress, and finally merge into despair. If any
further proof were heeded of the absolute extremity
of Hindman’s army, and the virtual death of the
rebellion in the whole region where that officer has
held command, it is given in these dispatches.—
«« cat, | \\- e give some of the leading passages. On the
'stVii. i 15th of November last, Hindman wrote from Fort
ml sj 1 Smith to Major Adams tit Little' Koek: “There
[are no wagons in this country, and I cannot detail
i-e . j soldiers. Impress wagons.' These delays will
•a i starve my command. Why not send up also half
the transportation of the troO|>s at the Host ? They
! need but four, wage ns-. Unless you and Major
! Palmer can give me more I will be compelled by
| actual starvation to leave this country.”
j R. C. Newton, Hindman’s Chief of Staff, pleads
I thus: “If there are any boats that you can con
i trol. Gen. Hindman desire.; yon to load them
with corn immediately, and send them up here,
notifying Major Cummings as each boat starts,
and what it brings. It is of the very first imiwrt
ance that von use extraordinaty energy in the
matter. Our all depends upon our getting the
very largest (icssihle supplies of corn on this rise.
It is our oniv hope—much depends upon you.—
For God’s sa'kc move Heaven and earth to send
us every grain that can he gotten here.”
, Hindman says again: “ Surely the Secretary is
not apprized of the condition of our troops, and
the almost utter exhaustion of the resources of the
[country. 'ln this corps I could show him 7,000
men absolutely in rags, without counting the
almost naked 'lndians. -What you arc sending
me I distribute pro rata among them all, hut that
comes ’’slowly and in small quantities, and the
I great majority continue to suffer exposure, to siek
ien and to die. I suppose that it is the same with
your other troops. Unless these poor men are
| comfortably clad thus month, not half of them will
i live through the winter. A nother army cannot be
rained this side, of the Mississippi riser."
The phrase in /lalirs is a sufficient acknowl
, STRANGERS edgement of the utter ruin of the rebellion west of
i river. ! This hnter was followed hy
">v’. name o r character, wh» copy Dr. Johnston s : _adrer- ; another piteous apfjeal from Hindman, containing
’•V’dr-nti. „r erylo themselves in the iu>wppaptr», regn- | pa<saees:—complain of nothing. The
ar y K lnc ite.i Phynician*. Incapable of Cnrinj:. they keep ; .. . creat But utiles? YOU fiend Slip
> « triflin? month after mouth, taking their filthy and • deftciciiccs are great, ou ij - ■ >*{
|» •Usuia* compound*, or a* long a* -the smallest fee caa ; plies m larger quantities and tar more ropiaij ,
c -and in despair. leave you with,ruined health j Qod' onlv knows what lam to do. Here IS
!•:-ijl. o»« yonr frtHiw ; another mo re fatal admission, made by Hind
'/■ Jihruton \% tne onlv Phvaician advertising. . . t , . « • • VVh<*m*ver
J liy credential or diplomas always imug in Ills office. , man in a letter dated in December .— nenc er
•IU rvratHiWfi or treatment are unknown to all-others, : encinvgets south of the Boston mountains and
preimM aTOaUr'-sprinlntl'- sreat liospitalsofKuropc. . ... h e " s ),h e can press you down to
-a ifi r-t :n tin-country unda more extensive PnvatsPra&_. .... , r[ , -.i , ditVirnitv
I'M tnan any otlu-r Physician in tile world. Lomstana or into lexils w it im t dlttlCU tv.
INDORSEMENT of the press. Other dispatches refer to tlielnte « esi J
TLe usnuy ttuinsamiß curt»i at tiiin institution, yefir after containing contradictory statements 01 me los t.
t*»r,and the nmm-nnn important Surgical operation* ..• , t ~:< i ps . ’w' these aremot material to the
hy Johnston. wit,..%sed hy the reporters of the on 11011 l SI(tC», UUI a of the
‘.[■s.’ ‘-Clipper,” and many olio r papers, notices of JiOmt at ISSUC—the iicplo ,i •
appeared again ami sucaiu before tins public, j rebel forces and thctr ipflbllllVtO hold llieir gro i
wtries his fUmUo? a* h gentlemen of character and re- 'pi,,, rrv .„ nf rtf our armv in the Arkansas
•paafiWtity, j, aaoffiutent guarantee loth, afflicted. 0.6 finishing touch to
, SKIN DISEASES SPEEDILY CURED. region sw « IJ* • .- r
IvtlerH rvctdvvd unit es post-pan’ vnd containing a the whole UllSinCw. .
the reply I'eraon* writingnlumld stuto
Htn I p »rtU>n of describing yymptomii
should be particular In directing their
ltfpl to mit Institution. in the. following manner:
r<i >m*ND3 of persona of all .»r\ . -.- . ,
c;nw of their declining health, losing their \ igor. be- ,
ainfi weak* pule, oerfoiu and emaciated, having a sin
,-alar appearance nhcut the eye*, cough and aymptom* of 1
'■momptiou. ~
■Vh-. In*, injured thenwlwa hy » rertam practice in
■ulc-i in when alone, a habit fre<niently learned from
*il c irauanions. nr at action!, tin' effect* o. ..Inchare
tijbilv fe>. ervn when ask-up. am! if not cured render*
cirri*-- iiupwible. and .leitmya both mind ambbody,
-intli apply immediately.
Wliat n yity that a young man. the hope of ins country.
■m darting of his parent*, all on id be snatched from all
and enjoyment* of life, by the conseqwefice oh
' i-i itiuc from ihe pftth of nature. ami indul b *mK in a
■•nun hiibii.’ Such person* mcst. before ceutem-
■fleet Uinta wur.d mind and body are the most necessary j
iui'iitts to promote connubial h«ppin«BH. Ifdeed, with*
-at the<e. the journey through life become* a wta-ry pu- t
rrimaget the prospect hourly darkens to the view; the
■iiiij.l shadowed with despair and filletl with the j
-•‘htncholy reflection that the happiness ot another be* \
• -■mos blighted with our own. ’ •|
When the misguided and imprudent votary of pleasure
■!# that h« has imbibed the Is of this painful dis
it 100 often happens that an ill-limed sense of shame.
p 'tread Of discovery, deters him from applying to those
friin education and respectabilitycan alone he
u i him. delaying till the constitutional symptom* of
ii'- -' h >rrid disease make their appearance, such 9 era j t
1 ->re throat, diseased nose, nocturnal pain sin the head j
‘.i l iinln. dimness of eight, deafness, nodes on the shin .
;i?< aijil arms. blotches on the head, face and extrenil
•>. progressing with frightful rapidity, till at last tno.
-late of the mouth or the bones of the nose fall in. aiid \
Tictitn of this awful disease becomes a horrid object.of j
mtuiaorutiou, till puts a period to hia dreadful i
"afreriag*, by sending him t * •* that Undiscovered Country ;
whence no traveller returns.-’ •
U i*i a mdunchota fuel that thousands fall victim* to
* terrible disease, owing I • the unskillfulnefia of igix'-
-'<t pretenders, who, by the use of that Deadly Pmson,
ruin the constitution and mak* the residue of
Ofth* BtUlmor* Lock Ilaipiul, MnrjU
The God that gave to genius' birth
Crown’d man alone the lord o*. earth.
And made him h ir to dally toil.
To fell the forest, till the w>il;
To sow and reap the gulden grain,
And build the cities of the plain. .
And ships to plough the oceans tide
And o’er its stormy billows ride;
From distant isles their treaties bring.
Of spit© ami fruits and- birds that sing;
Lightnings that flash along the sky.
Bow down am’ lay their thunders by:
Oi, like some infant's calm repose.;
Unconscious of «H earthly woes,
•So latent lies tho ’lectrlc flume.
And yield* to-man submission tame:
Or speed away at his commands.
Through wafry deeps or over lands.
In distant climes write his desires.
By nuigic touch upon the wire*.
By his strong hand the iron hora**.
Ik gnided in his rapid course.
Through tunnelled mountain*, severed hill*.
O’er flowing rivers, pebbled rill*.
With eagle’s speed along the rails.
’Mid sterile wastes or verdant vole-,.
Owl gave the gift alone to man
VF’th telescope tho heuveus scan.
And distance tell to orbs afy.
Of sun, and moon, and twinkling star;
Or cull from nature’s hidden lore.
And disentomb her precious store.
Of stones, and gems, and glitVing gold,
Long barb'd neath the. heavy jnoufd;
Or far abuve the din of war.
Hide calmly in his airy car.
And view the hostile legions jn«vt, ;
The fierce advance nr swift retreat
Tim cannons belch their fiery stream.
The rifles flash, and sabres gleam.
While hosts upon the bloody field.
By clouds of smoke are )ialf comvaied.
Of .creatures, all with one accord
Own man alone their rightful lord;
1 All the wild savage beaOS nf prey
Crouch nt his feel and him obey:
Tho herds upon the grassy field
Their'willing necks U>-labor yield;
Tlie mighty monsters of the deep ’
From man a watchful distance keep.
And all the fiuny tribe* that lave
Themselves beneath the briny waves.
The winged fowls that fly in air.
, Do man’s supremacy 'declare;
On rapid wing his presence flee,
To shady grove nr leafy tree.
And there in solitude to sing,
Their songs of praise to Heaven’s kiw^.
Of things that creep, or slowly crawl.
From reptiles large to insects small.
In ev’ry clime in ev’iy iaud.
Are subject to man’s ruling hand. ,
Yes, be alone, with master mind.
Leaves ev’ry creature far behind
Of all creation’s wondrous plan.
Oh! what a miracle is Man!
JMiWt |ps(#nis.
now judge what is '
«-'rhe most tcntlei-hearted man we ever
heart of was a shoemaker, who always shut his
eyes and whistled wheil he rtto his awl into a sole.
For tlu Altoona. Trilunr.
Fejlf' tions on tht VIII Psalm.
Once upon u firm;.
“ I 'rf it cable went under die boniy Atliuitu:.
Or the wm'd tyl'jrratn drove graminanans Irantic.’
there stood hi the ‘‘District of Maine, a lop
school-house, which seemed to claim us good a
right to the soil ns the pine trees which climbed the
hill bevoud it.
Shnil we glide into this rustic building, and
wntclr our grandpa* and grandmas at their stud
ies?—Well, it will hardly be necessary to pull the
string to the .wooden latch: we are “spiritual vis
itants,” so we may ns well creep through this huge
crack—it is a good “■ medium."
Don't laugh I That gentleman with the “swal
low-tail coat” is the “master.” If you wore “in
the flesh,” and lie heard you laughing, I wouldn't
answer for the consequences;—between ancient
and modern sehool-dicipline, there exists a strikim/
difference, rememlter.
That rude shelf is his desk; you see ma
king a quill )>en —Ids eyes apjtcar to be sharp
enough to cut it without tiie. aid of a knife. In
deed the children think his bead is made of eyes,
like the head of a fly : and ns for his ears! look
out for yours, if you so much as hroathe too loud.
Those girls are very prim. Why, wvhal now?
You wouldn’t make sport of our ancestors? Those
capes they call “ Vandykes" look rather droll, to
he sure. Ami what huge ruffles! But you’ll allow
that the, maidens' foreheads are unruffled ? It must
he difficult to d own when one's' hair is strained
back in such a way. Here is one girl in particu
la- who looks is ‘if her eyes were about to drop
cm of her head. They must use some machine
with a crank : let us go around and investigate.—
What, but a goose-quill? Yes, hair pulled and
tied and doubled and twisted, and then a goose
quill shot through it like a skewer. Fie, on you,
silly geese, for yielding up your quills to such a
barbarous ‘service! There is one advantage how -
ever—our grandmammas' beads were not easily
As for the lioys —but all the while we have not
heard a word that has been said, though the mas
ter, has been busy with cases of discipline.
Look at voting “ Kell up" Lovejoy (don’t smile
at his tow collar.) with a split shingle astride his
nose, after tlpr fashion of a modern clothes-pin.—
| Poor Kellup! So much for " pestering" .lack
i Green.
J And there stands Ozem Wiggins tor calling
names (how could you do it, Ozem?) lie is
j dimmed to hold out a hard wood poker at arm's
i length. Don’t you curve yout elbow. Ozem. If
■ von swerve from the straight line of duty, there
! ‘is the master's ferrule ready to deal your arm a
i blow.
“Class in < ulumbian Orator 'lake your pla
i ccs to read on the floor!"
i Out march a dozen of the larger boys and girls
1 with such a concert, of squeaking shoes that you
i wonder if they may iiot have introduced their fa
i vorite goose-quills,into their soles,
i “Observe!”
Which solemn rommand the girls olicy by cour
tcsviug, (did vou ever watch a saw plying perpen
dicularly in li mill?) the boys by I'Owing with
equal grace.
They all say “natur” and “creater, though
dulv corrected', and one boy of fixed habits jier
sists in sounding the letter “/ ” in e would " and
“could.’’ ■ ,
Next come classes in the “ Art of Reading,
“Webster’s Third. Fart," and “American Pre
ceptor” Then some poor little souls to spell out
the story of "Thrifty and Unthrifty,” in Web
ster's shingle-covered spelling book. All make
their manners," read and withdraw.
“ Class in Morse's Geography.—Little lady tn
that there front seat, be careful 1 Come out here
Polly Stone, and stand up by the fire place, no
sniffing 1”
■ ■ Master, nutv Igo home —I want to turn eout
the knows!” , . ,
“Yes, sir, and doaou get back here betorc its
time to parse—remember, young man."
“ Master, Polly Stone’s picking gum off that are
log—l seed her.”
“Well, well. Patty Knowles, if you had been
studying you wouldn't have need so much. Come
out here and bring your hook. Kow Polly Stone,
what do vou mean,' young woman? Haven't I
laid down a rule, and' how dare yon disobey ? It
was only vesterday that I femded Aimer Judkins
for chewing licorice, and to-day lhankful Powers
for chewing gum. .
“Holdout your band, Polly Stone (a precious
Slone. I sh(*dd f av.”) -
Snlkv Pollv takes a femding, too proud to clear
herself bv saving that §he had only been toying
with the'end'of a hard wood log. Instead of gum
she now chews
The cud.of Hour ami bitter fancy.”
“ Bovs may have nn intermission ! Come here
Dolly GrcencV and you little what’s- your-name,
and 'say your letters. Speak up loud
After the boys and girls have each had an “ in
termission” —being summoned in by a smart
rapping on the window—another case of discipline
occurs. .
Patty Knowles, a little fly-away, with hazel eyes
and “Tips like snips of scarlet," is accused of sli
ding down hill. “ I told you to be cnr/'ul, young
lady,” says the master, trying to frown on poor
Patty, who is somehow a favorite in spite of him
self.' “ What did I say no longer than this morn
ing ? That I should chastise the very next indi
vidual who should be guilty of sliding down hill
on a sled!”
“ Patty went on a board!” cries gallant Tommy
Kidcont. |
‘•I specified boards,” says the master. “I said |
sleds or boards. I didn’t think this pf you, j
Pattv.” ' , I
“I never,” sobs Patty,' with eyes afloat. “X i
was a-slidin’ on a skl>.'"
The beseeching glance is too much for master
Russell; he turns his back to the school and piles
: f re sh logs upon the fire already nearly large
■ enough for a barbecue.
I “Take your seal, Patty, and don’t let me sec
1 you raise your eyes from your book! Don’t you
! so much ns wink’till I give’yon leave!”
I “ Class in Radies’ Accidence.—Can’t stop to do
i a sm ii now!—Less noise in the back seat. —If I
| hear any more of that, youngsters, yon and I will
i have a settlement!
“ Captain of first class in spelling.”
Out steps a little red-haired girl, with a net on
| which reminds you of an extinguisher; calling
■ out, “number one, number two,”-&e.
; “Toe the mark. Look me in the eye. What
1 town do vou live in, Betsey ?"
••Towii of Falmouth. SchooWeestnV/ of Tolly-.
i wollv.” ,
“ Next, who’s the Governor of Massachusetts !
■' “John Hancock."
“ Who’s the President of these United States ?’
| “John Adams.”
“ Vice President V”
“Thomas Jctt’erson
“What great event took place a month ago
to-dav ? None of yon can tell ?—The great George
Washington breathed his las;—died. Yon ought
to be ashamed, every one of you, that you can
smile, and come to school and do mischief! There,
never will he such another man while you and 1
live ! But he was the father of his country. He
lias freed us from the British yoke. We are a free
lieoplen—we are done with wars now and forever!
If we live to the common age of man, we shall
see these United States the noblest nation on the
globe! iieaccful, harmonious, united and confed
erated !”
There was never probably a better matched
couple than Mr Solomon Parsons and his wife,
Mr Solomon Parsons as had been predicted in hi*
bovhood, made a very exemplary, frugal, indnlgeni
husband, while Mrs.'Solomon Parsons, as every
body hoped before they were married, made a
very exemplary, frugal and obedient wife. They
agreed in all things ; and ns tlicy were never known
to find serious fault with each other except on one
occasion, it may be a matter of interest with the
reader to know what this occasion was.
This was the affair of the turkeys. You must
know that Mr. and Mrs, Solomon Parsons live on
a farm in New Hampshire, and pride themselves
on raising the best turnips, onions and beets, and
fattening the noblest hogs, the tenderest calves
and the nicest turkeys.
I said tlio occasion of the quarrel was the
turkeys. The Parsonses never kept more than
six at a t ime, with perhaps an extra one fattening
for Thanksgiving or Christmas. But these they
were particularly proud of; and next to the chil
dren, the turkeys were cared for by Mr. and Mrs.
. One day Mr. Parsons found that somebody had
poured the contents of a certain jug he kept in
the house—{for cases of sickness only)—into a
peck-measure half full of shelled com which wa>
intended for the turkeys. After making partic
ular inquiries of his wife as to the perpetrator ol
the mischief, he drained off the liquor which had
swollen abundantly the com, and thoughtlessly
threw the soaked grain to the fowls. This done
he rode to town on business, leaving Mrs. Parsons
alone with the children and the turkeys.
Not many minutes had clasped after Mr. Par
sons’ departure, when one of the boys rushed into
the house ctyiug out to his mother that “ all the
turkeys had got fits, and were dying as if they had
the eholora!”
Mrs. Parsons was knitting in her easy chair
but she sprang to her feet in an instant. Drag
ging the ball of yam, which had fallen übon the
floor, more than'a doxen rods, she reached the spot
of the terrible turkey tragedy! Awful sight! fatal
catastrophe! Not one of the six fat furkeys was
on its feet. One or two were making vain at
tempts to walk, apparently without any definite
object in view, while the rest lay as lifeless •as
though their heads had been chopped off, and care
fully replaced after death.
“Dear me I" exclaimed- Mrs. Parsons, lifting
her hands in dismay. “ What can be the matter
with ’em ? What con have poisoned 'em so ?
O, my poor turkeys!”
As” she finished speaking, the only fowl that had
apparently retained a spark or two of life in its;
body till then, quietly gave it up, and making a
very respectable tumble for a turkey, laid itself
down with its companions. Mrs. Parsons called
it a wonderful judgment—a terrible decree ot
Providence—and resolved to make the best of the
affliction, ordered the boys to drag the turkeys to
the bouse.
“The feathers are good,” said she,
have them.”
Accordingly the frugal housewife stripped the
'defunct fowls of their feathers, one after another,
and made a pile of their carcasses, for Parsons to
look at on his return. It was a sad spectacle to
behold them in their fiillen state, heaped up with
out either life of feathers ! But scarce had Mrs.
Parsons gone into the house with the feathers,
when the youngest and least respectable fowl in
the heap gave a movement wondrously like life
for a dead turkey, opened’its eyes raised its head,
arid finally, after making several indecisive efforts,
regained its feet. This praiseworthy example was
followed by another of the flock, then by another,
and so on until you might have witnessed the un
usual and laughter-provoking spectacle of six two
legged animals adorned with neither hair nor
feathers, walking and staggering about, as if they
were afraid of themselves and of each other.—
You would have said that they never felt so funny
liefore in all their lives; that they were in a per
fect state of bewilderment, not knowing how to
account for their odd appearance ; that they had
bceqin a trance till their feathers had rotted off,
and that on recovering their consciousness, life
was a new and strange thing to them, and they
could not credit their senses. Poor, bewildered,
sinning, misguided turkeys!
The same urchin who had run to inform his
mother that the turkeys were dead, noW precipi
tated himself into the kitchen to tell her that
“ they had all come to life again!” Mrs. Parsons
ran put as before; but she was more surprised
than ever. She declared it was a miracle. Who
ever heard of dead turkeys walking before ? The
miracle of the man who took up his Jeather bed
and walked, wasn’t more strange than that six
dead turkevs should arise and walk without their
feathers. You would have said Ml?. Parsons was
qs bewildered as the turkeys.
Matters stood thus when Mr. Parsons returned.
Judge of his surprise, when he beheld his fine tur
keys, sad and crest fallen, traveling about as naked
as so many eels!
“What on ’arth does this mean?” he demanded.
“O!” sobbed Mrs. Parsons, “ ifs the strangest
thing; I never heard of the like—never! The
turkevs all died—”
“Yes—and I picked ’em.”
“Died and von picked ’em!” exclaimed Par
sons angrily. O, you good for nothing I”
It was the first unkind word Parsons had ever
spoken to his wife, and she felt it.
~, . . . --0! O! 0!” sheened, weepingbitferlv. ,
Pdscuixg a Stranger.-—The following anecdote „ 0 , 0 , o!” echoed Parsons through hit teeth
is related of the late Lieut. Derby (better known, aa h(; " lookcd firgt his wife then at bis tur
perhaps ns, John Phrenix.) _ j. evg _
At one time while in atheatre in San Francisco, Parsons!"
he thought he saw a person with whom he wished ‘lYoufoolV’
to speak, a few seats in front of him, and in order u y m , (j nlte i” replied the wretched woman, un
to attract his attention, he requested a gentleman aUe ( to more; an( l «he swelled up before Par
who sat in front to reach over and push him with J |he tut y evß had often done, liefore stripped
his umbrella. Upon his turning round he saw a 0 f their feathers." “Mr. Solomon Parsons, lam
stranger, and Phoenix directed his attention to not £ fool!”
the play, leaving the puncher and punchee to set- ny ou picked my fine turkeys—yon haven't left
tie it the best way they could. The punchee re- afe L thcr .V'
quested an explanation of jthe puncher, whereupon “1 Four fine turkeys! I picked my turkeys be
lie turned to Phcenix and said— „„ 1 cause thev were dead!”
“ Sir didn't you request me to punch that man t | “Thev were not dead!” exclaimed Parsons.
“Yes, sir." “As dead as dried herrings!” cried Mrs. Par
“ Well, what did you want?” ~ i „ nj . ■
“O, nothing, only I had a curiosity to see if; o you are a fool, as I youshouted Par
. you’d do it." sons. “The turkeys were drunk.”
“Drunk, yes!" thundered Parsons; “for I
PnovERBS.—A white glove often conceals a gave ’em that corn that bad been soaked in
dirty hand. The remedies for injuries, is not to whisky." , , . ,
remember them. Be a friend to yourself and “O, Parsons! you gave em that corn, cned
others will. Go to the country to hear the news Mrs. Parsons, hysterical. ‘O, you fool. U,
of the town. Be not a baker if your head is those fine turkeys! O! 01 O.
made of butter. Call me cousin but cozen me Parsons was frightened. He feared that ins
not. Faint- praise is disparagement. Ask thy ; faithful wife might soon be in a worse condition
purse what thou shonldst buv. Zeal without ; limit the turkeys, if he did not soothe her, and
knowledge, is like fire without light. Youth and jas he felt that the original fault was his, he read
white paper soon take an impression. Vows ily made endeavors to offer her consolation,
made ih storms are forgotten in calms. The! “Don't cry,” said he.
Church is out of temper when charity is cold and > “ 1 will!” said she. “Yon called me a fool.
aeal hot. The sting of reproach, is the truth of, You:gave the turkies that com! You—yt>u—you
it. Envv shoots at others, and wouhds herself. — are a brute!” _ .
A goose quill is more dangerous than a lion’s claw/ “I know it,” replied Parsons, humbly. ‘I
Grow ing eloquent as he proceeds, master Knssell
-wings his aims alo ( ‘t in such a tragic manner
ilmt little Patience Allen is fairly taken by surprise,
md giggles behind her s])elling-book. The teach
er thus rudely shaken from his Pegasus, is exas
pcratiHi. ami administers what he culls “a little of
he oil of birch."
Tears spring to my eyes. 1 want to take the
cudcr little creature in my arms, and save her
from the cruel blows.
But lo! as I dart forward, the child’s golden
'tair turns to silver, and across her nose strides a
imir of spectacles. “Is it you then, my dear
grandmother? I beg your pardon!’’
“He that has eyes to road, let him read; he
that has cars to hear, let him hear."
liitmiiif lance eats down youth in irs vigor, man
borxl in its strength, and age in weakness. It
breaks the father's heart, bereaves the doting
'mother, extinguishes natural affection, erases con
jugal love, blots nut filial attachments, blights
parental ho|je, ami brings down mourning age in
sorrow to the grave. It jirodncea weakness not
strength, sickness not health, Jdeath not life. It
makes wives, widows, children orphans, father’s
fiends, and all of them paupers and beggars. It
feeds rheumatism, nurses gout, welcomes epidem
ics, invites cholera, imports pestilence, and em
braces consumption. It covers the land with
idleness, poverty, disease and crinfe. It fills your
jails, supplies your alms-houses, and demands your
asvlums. It engenders controversies, fosters quar
rels, and cherishes riots. It crowds your peniten
tiaries, and furnishes the victims for your scaf
folds. It is the life-blood of the gambler, the ail-,
ment of the counterfeiter, the prop of the high
wayman, and the support of the midnight incendi
ary. It countenances the liar, respects the thief,
and esteems the blasphemer. It violates obliga
tion, reverences fraud, and honors infamy. -It
defames benevolence, hates love, scorns virtue,
slanders innocence. It incites the father to 1
butcher his helpless offspring, helps the husband to
massacre bis wife, and aids the children to grind
the parricidal axe. "It bums up man and con
sumes woman, detests life, curses God, and despises
heaven. It suborns witness, nurses perjury, defiles
the jury-box, and stains the judicial etmfce. It
bribes votes, disqualifies voters, corrupts elections,
pollutes our institutions, and endangers our Gov
ernment. It degrades the citizens, debases the
legislature, di-honors the statesman, disarms the
(sitriot. It brings shame not honor, terror not
safety, despair ndl hope, misery not happiness.
And with the malevolence of a fiend, it candy
Surveys its frightful desolations, and, insatiated
with havoc, it poisons felicity, kills peace,'ruins
morals, blights confidence. ; slays reputation, and
wipes out national honor, then curses the world and
laughs at its ruin.
There, it does all that and more. It murders
the soul. It is the sum of all villanies; the curse
of curses; the devil’s best friend.
Don’t swap with yer relashuns unless you ken
afford to give them the big eend of the traid.
Many young, and if sarcumstances require it,
Don’t take yer terbaker box out in company.
If you kant'git gud eloaths and edication too,
git the eloaths.
ye? to everybody.
Kultivate modesty, but mind and keep a god
stock of impidenoe on hand.
If yu argy, never git beat.
Bee charitable, thre sent pieces war made on
Don’t take eunybody’s advice but your owne.
It kosts more toborry than it dus to buy.
If a man flatters yu,’yu ken kalkerlate that he's
a rogc, or yarc a fule.
Keep both its oi>en, but don’t cee more than
half you notis.
When y u pra, pra rite at the sentre of the mark.
Don’t 'mortifi the fleslt to much, twant the
sores on Laseras that sent him to Heaviu.
If yu ieh for fame, go inter a grave yard and
skrach yourself against a tume stun.
Beggars don’t hav to advertis for rnnawa dogs.
•• Tis a long lain that never turns,” knd ’tis a
good mill that alwus dus.
Y ung men be more anxious about the pedigre
vur going to leave, than yu are about the wun
sum body is goin tu leve yu.
Sin is'like weeds, self sone, and sure to kum.
A’utur is natur, yu kant alter die krook of a
dog's tail much, and presarve the length of it.
I wud say to all the young men, “go in,” and
to all the old fellers, “ kum out.”
About as sure a wa tu git rich ns enny I no of,,
is tu git inter det for a hundred thousand dollars,
and then go in an work and pa oph the det.
filosophers tell us that the world revolves-on its
axes. Josh Billings tells yu that ful half the folks
on the arth think tha are the axes. ,
X. b.—these are proverbs have stood for mor’n
a hundred years, and haitit gin out yet.
plead gnilty to the charge. lam fully convinced
hat lam a brute. I’m a more degraded animal
imn these turkeys, featberiess as they are. But I
:isk your forgiveness."
Parsons!" sighed the poor woman,
Mv dear,” said Parsons.
And Mrs. Parsons threw herself on his neck, aa
if she bad hot seen him for a year.
‘•You forgive me?”
And that exceedingly well-matched pair em
braced, to the great surprise of the six ferthe rices
turkeys, that had witnessed the whole scene in
perfect bewilderment. Then they both fell to,
and began to butcher the turkeys, as if they (ihe
•urkeys) were altogether in fault, and as if they
(Mr, and Mrs. Parsons) wished to see which
jonld kill the greatest number. Soon the fowls
were put out of their misery and into a basket,
md as they did not need any picking, Mr. Solo
mon Parsons and Mrs. Solomon Parsons looked at
each other and langhed.
“ Thev’ro all dead now,” said Mrs. Parsons.
“ And picked,” said Solomon.
And they embraced again.
“ It was foolish in me,” observed Parsons after*
wards, “very foolish, t 0... give the turkeys that
“And foolish,” added Mrs. Parsons, “verv
foolish in the turkeys to get corned"
Arbkst os Capital Pcnishmkst.—Passing
up Orange street, the other day, our attention
was attracted to a boy who was climbing up a
lamp post, which was attached to the neck of a
terrier dog, over the horns on which the lamp
lighter rests his ladder, when lighting the lamp.
There were some half dozen ragged urchins around
cheering him. An old gentleman present, sup
posing foul play, asked the little fellow what he
was going to do with the dog.
“Hang the sucker, he’s bin a murderin’,"
said the excited boy.
“Murdering what?” asked the old man.
“Vy, Jakey Babcock's pet rat, what bo
cotched ven they tore down the old buildin’.”
“ Oh, don’t hang him for that,” pleaded the old ■
man; “it is his nature to kill rats; besides he
looks like a good dog; if you wish to get rid of
him I’ll him along with me.’’
“O! it can’t be, daddy; he's a infernal scoun-
dril. and the jury brought him in guilty, and he’s
got, his sentence, and you can bet your life I’ll
hang him.”
“ Jury! what jury f ”
“Why, our jury; them fellers there sitting on
that cellar door. They tried him this morning,
and Bob Linker sentenced him to lie hung. That’s
right ain't it, daddy? It was all on the square.
£ was the lawyer again the dog, and Joe Beecher
was fur him, but his arguments were knocked all
;o thunder when I brought the murdered body
inter court. It look ’em all down. They all guv
in that I was right. He ain't worth a rusty nail
now, but its soon as he’s dead he’s worth fifty
cents, ’eordin to \ law, at the city hall, and we
want the money for 4th of July.”
The did gent seemed surprised at the logic of
the boy, but was about entering another plea for
the condemned, when the scene was interrupted by
the arrival of the owner of the dog, (a stout Irish
man.) who soon dispersed judge, jury, executioner
and rescued the trembling culprit.— N. O. Pica
“I must
Confederate Decision on Color.—The Con
federate Adjutant-General has decided that men
without any portion of the Hood of the white race
are liable to conscription.
This certainly looks more like confidence in the
superiority of the blood of the whites, than the
Northern notion that ninety-nine hundredths of the
blood of the white race in a person are overcome
by the hundredth fraction of negro blood. But if
all who have a fractijn of the blood oj the whites
are declared subject to military service, the public
willqrerceive how large a portion of the colored
population of the South is made subject to the
conditions of war by the decision of the rebels.
If liable to military duty, they of course owe that
duty to the Government. They of course are
capable of loyalty and treason, and it is the duty
of the Government to give them eVety facility
for deserting treason and showing fidelity. Thus
by the act of the rebels, the scruples about the
color of the assistance offered in the South are
cut down to the fractional, full-blood, native Amer
ican African.
A Total Abstinence General.—At a pub
lic meeting in Washington, Gen. Prentiss pre
sented himself to the audience as the greatest cu
riosity in the army, a general who never drank a
glass of liquor in his life. He stated “ that rum
and drunken officers, had done more to defeat, and
demoralize our armies than all rebeldom could
ever do—that if the appointing power had made
temperance in an officer an' indispensable* qualifi
cation, the war would have been closed before this
O' A Minister’s little daughter was in the room
where her father was busily engaged in preparing
a sermon. A visitor came in, to whom Mr. L
said : “Tam endeavoring to prepare a sermon on
the tett,’ ‘ Enoch walked with God, and was not,
for God took him.'” Rachel looked up and said
with evident concern : ‘Pa why didn’t he run ?
then be couldn't have took him."
“ Well, Patrick,” asked the doctor, “ how
do you feel to day ?” “ Och, doctor, dear, I enjoy
very poor health iatirely. The mmatics are very
distressin' indade; when Igo to sleep I fay awake
all nigbr, and my toes is swilled as big as a goose
hen's egg, so whin I stand up I fall down imme
An individual who tried to clear his con
science with an egg, is nbw endeavoring to raise
bis spirits with yeast. If he fails in this it is his
deliterate intention to blow out his brains with a
bellows, and sink calmly into the arms of—a
young lady.
4Sr“Mike. why don’t yon fire at those ftucks?
—don't you see you haw the whole flock before
your eyes ?” “ I know I have, but when I get
good aim at one, two or three others will swim
right betwixt it and me.”
fST What are von writing such a big hand for,
Why, you see my grandmother's dafe and I'm
writing a" loud letter to her.
A Good Toast. —Woman—she is the only en
durable aristocrat—elects without voting, governs
without law, and decides without appeal. “ That
toaster deserves a model.''
often lack courage to appear u
good as they really are.
NO. 2