injTTBR'S "‘i
?|e CAPITOL
|£ Biildepy,
IC. BOOK MANTJFAditJRY
Viiikft St . Harrisburg, Pu
jsftnient is chiefly devoted to
ptqi® of Wank Book* for
teoi Railroad Companies, /]§jX
Idaallo Jnaltcaiies the
Mi workmanship may in ifIQgEW
wsasEsswaag
tib.-ruiedand bonudto order:
;iie best limn paper. - .
OtKers. desiring to bare their Bocks*.,
eraie prices, should ylvensacall. Ve*
(e»t «M«- Harper’* Weekly, OleLamC
*, Scientific American,
*1 i» any style required. Harper 5 *Month
(krthocker, Blackwood's and Oraharm.
S» IJady’s Book, Lady'slUpository.iw
land Music. Ac., bound in extra style*.,
d spbstantial half binding. Select PM
iVoTs. Pamphlet laws, bound in good Ll '
iry ■ moderate pi kes. Persons harlne .’
M Co bind, will receive a liberal diacoum
rbe sept to us from a distapeeby v,
Mika trusted to oar care willbe erw.,,
and returned by l|ito>re«M
f. l. ttUtTEfc:
/farrijimry, j\,_
IfcliEKN. at the Tribunt Office. ®,.
■Had vicinity. They will give informs
and receive and return books
for all who ent.uat their work i..
[March 21,1861.1*
:» £ T~ ~
STJ c« T
: 03 c .3 g
• 55 VZ •«■«•■•- «
W •35 •*» ”
£ fer . fo-* 8 §
a *i i
I H -«f «:
r L S *
j S* g«gf
S.s. <t z oi
{ * u **s, 2j« ts
,j**|
! S $ S 3 = c
y O § g .g
f m “OSS-a
i P w-15-|2
j
S^ISfS
M |_3 55 *!< fc S
■ Swieti
QO a
es*-*
sk* :
SY AND BAKERY!
JPEHSIGNKD ANNOIT.V
ijizons of Altoona and vicinity that lie
. & large invoice* of
#ECTIOXAIUES, NUTS. SMGKS
tijdran ic.. «|ires»ly for the Holiday*.
-|i oTways on huml a good stock of plain
own miinufactnre/
.UNES, RAISINS,
‘season* of the year,
£ Sugar, Molasses, Batter,
■WITZ/'/T: .WHEATFLOUR.
JOT FLOUR. CORN MEAL. AC.,
nil for salt* in luive ur smalt quantities.
;pd pric? my :-U>ck and yoo will find
ckp us any in town.
JACOp WISE
§T ijl KSTION WHU'li
Hi“ mind «.•!*•every person
th<- i'- 't ariiclf’ for
toßu utlit-i matti'-rs. the
(BiMupt ti> dir-vt. but if you ■! .
aifnelln*-
its OR SIIORS
i ol his *ti«;k aud work,
tally on «mh<l ur. us-mtun.-nl uf Boots,Shoe*'
~ winch in- ut lair prices,
btl .attention to cu-iom work, .alio
Itcd io jri\»- satisfaction. Nonebutth
ip lured , . . «
i» is on Virginia «tm-l. immedlatel
'pg Jslr.ru. _ . .
PPm .wax U. ROBERT*.
i'ETTINGEITS
« .News -Agency,..
■No. 7, M AIN STREET
Bloks. blank books,:
IJfer, CONFECTIONARIES
Its & TOBACCO,
iOTIONS IS GREAT VARIETY
|ij|JANTLY OX HAND.
[/POLICE GAZETTE
u lira a! of Crime and Criminal* * 111
fed 1* widely circulated tfaraaghuni
™«Sus air the Great Triala, Criminal
ate Editorialeon the,ome, together tviil
Ininal Matters, net to be found In nay
12 per ahmun; $1 for six montlis, !l
Sbers, (who should write their liana.
land State where they reside plainly.l
[ To G. W. MATSELL A CO
BP’r. of Xew Yurk Poiice Gaxelte.
.Vein Turk Cits
FECTIONEEY
VSTER SALOON,
iSCRIBBK , WOULD IN
titeus of Altoona and rieinltythat hl»
it XCT and PKOTT BToS>*ts ial«*je
rery best articles to behad- ond In great
(boon-
UEH JSA3L.OON
tt. in whiclihe will aerie up OTSIEKS
the season. .. ■
& BREAD 4 FIES«Rm*t mtuai.
if prepared to sqnply cakes, candies. *c..
ijr parties.: lie inrites a tbare of pubhe
4 that he can render full satUiritwn to
lore end saloon ia on I
ii* Mail. OTTO BOSSI.
fSOI-tf
IESSLEK PRACTICAL
BT. rapect/nliy announces
Lltoona and Hie public
[where be towfdiittlWfly'iMß
pioleaale and Retail, PROGS, ■!
mrcALs. oils, v arrish- mt 9
jsi to hasiuees,end & deeire torrwlrr s*’
'larli price end quality, he hop'* lo
i »h»r« of public putrepnge- ■ .
icpchente .applied on reaaMtable Mrtu ’
fa dutxnce, promptly attended.■*»>■ ,
Iptkau carefully compounded. .llv* 1.
« $A S E .—Having p«£ j
izbt to manufacture the Cd?§gp,,.
K?AL TKETH, I Am
nu this new uuibMutlfal
nr to the old »t)rl«, ou fllW "I
■ or dtocolor. ft conUto* '
coprw there to nil
to often become obnfflripHfe •■'jSSm.
if teeth win ple«e MUjurf
<pee hi AtWen*-
I) LARI) OHS f #
:i« Flaid. Caxboo OU, * c Jyggjj!B , 8.
AT
luttorlmi-ut of
.IsSf
:HS. A LAiWrJS
iwtoH'nt <>fGroceric» Hay*
AT, TOOTH, SHA vi^G>
VerntoU • , S gggt,K»’S
mm mitiTpf
IHS, COWesMr?%?t' r
5s firttmt Met
>BS ANP KVS WSfll-
McCKUM & BERN,
\ r OL. 7
THE ALTOONA TRIBUNE.
,5. \IcUttUM,
PUBLUH&&B AND PROPBIETGBB.
• r *uhuai.tpajrabl© invariably in advance,;....,. $1,50.
iilp*V* r * discontinued at the expiration of the time
,41-1 I" 1
►' tDVK&TieiH.O
1 insertion ' 'S do. « do.
. .mi - ~i i«*»a $26 $ ‘ | 50
.•-Hiufrr**. { $ lines) ~ 60 75 100
- (10 “ ) 1 W 150 200
(24 •* > 100 W 260
iv«*r tinfie weeks and less than three months* 25 cents
r -‘jiiiir* l i«»r each insertion.
ftinonths. 6 mouths. 1 yeai.
....$ 1 "60 $3 00 $6 00
2 50 400 ; 7 00
.... 400 600 10 00
6 00 8 00 12 00
flJlir 6 00 10 00 14 00
liiiU ft column 10 00 14 00 1 20 00
‘iue column UOO .j 40 00
VdmiuiPtrfttorß mid Kxeculors Notices. 1 <6
advertising by the year, three aquiree,
with liberty to change, 1 10 00
professional >r Business Card?, not exceeding 8
linen with i&per, per year.; 6 00
i.oinmnnications of a political -haxacter or individual in
r-t will be charged according to the above rate*.
Uvertisemen h not marked with the number of inaer
, ,; )tl 9 desired, will he continued till forbid and charged ac
..nlinc r, » the above terms.
HusineM notices five cents per line for every insertion.
\ imes or lofift
me *.|iiar«*
ihltuary notices exceeding tea linea, fifty cents a sqna e
BALTIMORE LOCK HOSPITAL
t-%,KsTABLISUJCD AS A REFUGE FROM QUACKERY
The Only Place Where a Cure Can
be Obtained*
DU. JOHNSON has discovered the
moat Certain, Speedy and only Effectual Remedy in
th • world for all Private Diseases, Weakness of the Back
Limbs, Strictures, Affections of the Kidneys and Blad
ier. Involuntary Discharges, Impotency, General Debility,
Nervousness, Dyspepsy, Languor, Low Spirits, Confusion
if M ‘a*, Palpitation of tble Heart,Timidity, Tremblings,
Dimness ot Sight or Giddiness, Disease of the Head.
Throat, Nose or Skin, Affections of the Liver, Langs, Stem
u'li or Bowels— those Terrible disorders arising from the
solitary Habits of Youth—those secret and solitary prac-
mure fatal to their victims than the song of Syrens to
>h>- Mariners of Ulysses, blighting their most brilliant
or anticipations, rendering marriage Ac., impossi
ble ' .
YOUNG MEN
K'P-fciKlly, who have become the victims of Solitary Vice,
Mit dn-idful aud destuctive habit which annually sweeps
i in untimely grave thousands of Young Men of the most
• \ i dm I talents and brilliant intellect, who might other
have entranced listening Senates with the thunders
~f-vi.juence. or waked to cctgsy the living lyre,.may call
*i:i, full confidence.
MARRIAGE
>1 trried Persons, or Young Men cotempiating marriage,
in mg aware of physical weakness, organic debility, defor
mity. Ac., speedily cured.
!l- who places himself under the care of Dr. ,1. may re
lU'-'ii-ly confide in his honor as a gentleman. and confi
i- iitly rely upon his skill as a physician.
ORGANIC WEAKNESS
nmediately Cured, aud full Vigor Restored.
Tub Distressing Affection —which render* Life miserable
a.i marriage impossible—is the penalty paid by the
of Improper indulgences. Young persons are to
~ii t ■» commit from not being awale of the dread
ful < > ousei]uem;es that may ensue. Now. who that under
-[iitili the subject will pretend to deny that the power of
r- T»*at ion i« lost sooner by those falling into improper
YihiN than by the prudent ? Resides being deprived the
pK-asures of healthy nff.-pring. the most serious «ad de
tractive symptoms to both body and mind arise. The
-ystem brumes Deranged, th«* Physical and Mental Func
tions Weakened. Los- of Procreative Power, Nervous Irri
tability. Dyspepsia. Palpitation of th* Heart. Indigestion
Constitutional Debility, a Wasting of the Frame, Cough.
Consumption, Decav and Death.
OFFICE, NO. 7 SOUTH FREDERICK STREET,
hob hand side going from Baltimore street, a few doors
Triiin rlie corner. Fail not to'ohserve name and number
hotter* must be paid and contain a stamp. The Doc
■ >r's Diplomas hang in his office
A CURE WARRANTED IN TWO DAYS.
So ifrrcurv or Nuseon* Drug*.
OR. JOHNSON.
tlrmher of the Royal College of Surgeons, London, Grad*
<utt* from one of the most eminent Colleges in tile United
Siiit*?*. and the greater part of whose life has been spent in
rlie- hospitals of Lundon. Parid, Philadelphia and else
has effected} some of the most astonishing cures
that w-r.e ever known; many troubled with rlngioft in the
h’iJ and ears when asleep, great nervousness, being
alarmed at sudden sounds, baahfulness, with frequent
hlu-liing, attends somotimes with derangement of mind,
»-**re curwl immediately. *•
TAKE PARTICULAR NOTICE
Dr. .F. addresses all those who have injured themselves
m improper Indulgence and solitary habits, which ruin
•’ Ah body and mind, unfitting either business.
'tuily„ society or marriage.
These are some of the sad and melancholy effects pro
m.’*l by early habits of youth, viz; Weakness of the
Kick and Limbs. Pains in the Dead. Dimness of Bight,
1.-'** of Muscular Power. Palpitation of the Heart. Dys
i P«y, Nervous Irritability, Derangement of the Diges
• iv*; Functions. General Debility, Symptoms of Consump
t.'in. ,tc. p
'Lentallv.—The fearful effects of the mind are ranch to
■ dreaded— Loss of Memory, Confusion of Ideas, De
; r."*.ion of spirits, Evil-Forebodings, Aversion to Society,
> if-Distrust, Love of Solitude, Tlznidit>, Ac., are some of
ni- --vila produced.
Tnors\ND9 of persons of all agescan now judge what is
Hi - cause of their declining health, losing thejr vigor, be
*•‘tiling weak, jwile, nervous and emaciated, having a sin
gular appearance about tho eyes, cough and symptoms of
consumption.
YOUNG .MEN
1' lio have injured themselves by a certain practice in
biig-d in when alone, a habit frequently learned from
•vil companions, of at school, the effects of which are
nighdy felt, even when asleep, and If not cured renders
marriiige~!mposible, and destroys both mind and body,
•lumld apply itufliediatcly.
What a pity that a young mao, the hope of his country,
i’“'darling of his parents,, should be snatched from aJI
i»n><pects and enjoyments of life, by the Consequence of
d“viatmg from tho path of nature, &od indulging iu a
certain secret habit. Such persons MCST. before CODtem*
plating ■
_ MARRIAGE,
reflect that a sound toind and body are the most necessary
■■“Tuisit** ia promote connubial happiness. Indeed, with
*iir these, the journey through life becomes a weary pil
trimage; thn prospect hourly darkens to the view; the
minil become*! shadowed with despair and filled with the
melancholy reflection that the happiness ot another be* j
blighted with oar own. ,
DISEASE OF IMPRUDENCE.
'»hen the misguided and imprudent votary of pleasure
tindx that he has imbibed the seeds of this painful dis*
>* too often happens that an ill-timed sensedf shame,
T dreiid of discovery, deters him from applying to those
from education and respectability, can alone be
'ri'-nd him, delaying till the coostitotional symptoms of
tins horrid disease make, their appearance, such as ulcera
ted aye throat, diseased nose, nocturnal pain s In the head
sad limbs, dimness of sight, deafness, nodes on the shin
hnnoa and arms, blotches on the head, fitco and extremt*
l K progressing with frightful rapidity, till at last the
pai4tf-,of the month or the bones of the nose fall In, and
th* victim of this awful disease becomes a horrid object of
' till death puts a period to his dreadful
■jnffrrings, by sending him'to “that Undiscovered Country
> p <jtn whence no traveller returns.”
| l k h 7H dancholy fact that thousands fall victims to
l ni« b-rrible disease, owing to the. unakillfnlness of igno
pretenders, who, bv the use. of that Deadly ibtson,
7'r-ioy. ruin the constitution and make the residue of
>f“ miserable.
STRANGERS
| r, i*t n«.t your live*. ur health to th«* care of the many
« an«l Worthless Preteutfcrs?, destitute bf knowl
'■;U H . nanif or character, who copy Dr. Johnston’s adror-
or stylo theinselTos, in* the newspapers, regn
i*r‘.v Kfhicated Physicians, incapable of Coring, they keep
J"? trifling month after mouth, taking their filthy and
jOHouoiis or as long as the smallest feu caa
plained, and In despair, Ipave yon with mined health
yoor galling disappointment.
,/• Jy hn»ton is the only Physician advertising,
tin crH-ntial or diplomas always hang in his office.
‘ti® remedies or treatment are unknown to ail others,
rl J > J lro< *.a life upent in the great hospitals of Europe.
• nrst m the country and a moreextenslve Private Prac
' than any other Physician in the world. -
...indorsement of the press.
v. ip ° m ? n y thousands cored at this Institution, year after
r., j J ,et nanM,r °o« important Surgical operations
sk. „ ~- v Johnston, witnessed by the reporters of the
wiiiri’t * Clipper,” and many other papers, notices of
n Ve ’ apT>^rwi again an,i a S aln before the public,
dfr-inkinti ■ M a gentlemen of character and re
louiiy, is a sufficient guarantee to the afflicted.
•So bi»l N diseases speedily cured.
I,n,e *" P«« t -P»W .nd containing a
r T p,y Pen,on * wrttlngtbdnM (tote
F«*m. l^’T tion « f "'l.'rtiMßi.nt denoribing .jmptoms
letter, SJ.7- *l°* e ** oulfl b< - particular in directing their
“ r * to thi. Inrtltution. In the following manner;
J°”N M. JOHNSTON. MID..
<tfth» Baltimore Lock Hospital. Margin
Choice
.a. C. DKRjN
NEVER WHIP.
Wh it*# the ue of always fretting
At the trials we shall find v
fiw strewn along oor pathway ?
Travel on, and “Never Mind.”
Travel onward; working, hoping;
Cast no lingering glance behind,
At the trials once encountered,
Look ahead, and “Never Mind.”
What is past, is past forever.
Let all fretting be resigned
It wiil never help the matte),
. Do your best, and “Never Mind.
And if those who.might befriend you,
i Whom ties of patnre bind,
( Should refuse to„<do their duty.
Look to Heaven, and “Never Mind.”
words are often spoken.
When the teelipgs aro uukiud,
'Take them for their real value,
Pass them by, and “Never Mind."
Pate may threaten, clouds may lower,
Enemies may he combined.
If your trust in God is steadfast,
. He will help you, “Never Miud.”
Mtlut IpMdlxng.
BUYING A WEDDING-CAKE
Letters, sir, from de poa’ office!”
“Very well, Sambo, put em’ down and
take yourself off! ’’
I bad just finished my breakfast,' and
the tiny silver choclatiere with the bache
lor service of transparent china, still stood
on the damask dra]>ed round table. It was
a bright little room, with its white and
gold paper, and high Reaped grate, on the
gray light of this chill December morning,
when the air was thick with noiseless fall
ing snow flakes; and this contrast between
the bitter atmosphere without and the
tropical warmth of my own special nook,
gave me an additional consciousness of
satisfaction, as I leaned back in my chair
and proceeded to examine my correspon
dence.
Lee Worcester wants lo know if 1 can
come there to tea this evening. Of course
I can. Lee’s wife is a perfect little rosebud,
and one besides who don’t believe in cash
iering all her husband’s bachelor friends.
And then I rather like that little brown
eyed sister-in-law of his. Yes, I’ll go. cer
tainly. Halloo—here’s a letter from my
brother in Glenfield! I unfolded the doc
ument eagerly, scarcely able, at first, to
credit the .tidings it revealed.
Well here’s a pretty state of things. Go
ing to be married, claims my congratula
tions, says that Mary (who the dickens is
Mary?) is in great tribulation about the
wedding-cake ; affair to coine off on Wed
nesday, and no cake to be had for love or
money ? Will Ibe the best fellow in the
world, and send down one from D’Ar
tiers ? I glanced at the date of the letter.
It had been delayed for several days on the
road, and there was not a minute to be lost.
I rose, mechanically, and put on my hat
and cloak, giving one more heedful gaze
at the directions about icing, wfeight and
decorating which accompanied Tom’s
closely written Cpistlc, before I spilled forth
boldly to the street on my novel errand.
It was just about one o’clock, the snow
had ceased falling, and the sun shone bril
liantly. D’Artier’s was full, of course;
there was at least a dozen ladies that I
knew sitting at the tiny marble tables.
I tried to assume an air ofeaay impudence,
as if I had only come in for a pound of
chocolate almonds, but it; was no use; I
could not disguise the latent sheepishness
of my aspect as I sauntered up to the coun
ter.
“How can I serve you, sir ?” demanded
the trim damsel, who presided over the
sacharine treasures.
I muttered something Under my mous
tache, feeling a hot blush suffuse my whole
countenance. Why would not the inquis
itive woman kind attend to their ice
creams?”
“Cake, sir?” •-
“Certainly.” , •,
“For a party, sir ? Found cake, lemon
and almond —”
“N0,n0,” I bailed out; “Iwant awed
ding-cake.” .
“Oh, I beg your pardon, sir,” tittered
the atrocious woman. Was it reality, or
did I only fancy-that the titter was echoed
among the bonnets and furs beyond ?
However that might might have been, the
mere apprehension was sufficient to throw
me into a cold perspiration.
The next moment, however, the counter
was heaped with various temples of glisten
ing white sugar, some wreathed with
make-believe roses, some surmounted with
candy cupids, others with pure mas
ses of icing. I surveyed them in a state of
hopeless bewilderment.
“Perhaps, sir, it would be better if the
lady could come with you to select,” haz
arded my enemy behind the counter.
I could endure this badgering no longer,
but pounced upon a gigantic pyramid of
sugar lilies, from which peeped up a tiny
alabaster cupid.
“I’ll take this—what is the price V
“Fifteen dollars, sir.”
I laid doum the m6ney, and never ex-
ALTOONA, PA., THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 1862.
peneneed so delicious a sensation of relief
as at the moment when I thrust the cupid,
packed' in a round wooden box, under
my arm and rushed out of the establish
ment. How gladly I delivered it to the ex
press agent, who tossed it •on side as
carelessly as if the transmision of wedding
cakes were a matter of every day occur
rence.
“How d’ye do Golde, when is it to come
off?”
“When is what to come off?” queried I,
considerably puzzled at my friend Ather
ton’s address.
“Your wedding, to be sure. Ah, you
are a sly dog to keep us all in the dark so
long ?”
“\oucan’t have been much more in the
dark than I am at this moment, Atherton.
W hat on earth do you mean
But Atherton only wagged his head
knowingly, and rushed off on pursuit of a
stage, saying something of which I only
caught the disconnected fragments “my
wife” and “D’Artier’s.”
“Hang that wedding-cake,” was my in
ternal ejaculation.
As 1 pursued my speculative way a tiny
gloved hand was held out from a passing
carriage.
“Ah, Mrs. Everleigh, excuse me for
not seeing you before ?”
“We all know that love is blind.” said
the lady, smilingly. ‘“Now I see why
you have not been to see, me for an age.
My niece was at D’Artier’s this morning,
and saw how particular you, were in the
selection of a certain article
Before I could explain the piece of cir
cumstantial evidence, there was a move
ment in the ‘lock’ of carriages which had
caused the temporary detention o( my
fair friend, and the equipage rolled away,
with a wave of the pretty hand and the
archest smiles.
I stood looking after her, with an odd
sort of impression that I should wake up
presently to find myself married to some
body, whether or no ; indeed, 1 was not
altogether certain whether Mrs. Golde was
not waiting for me ut home.
How brilliantly the firelight and gas
light illuminated that cosy little room at
Lee M orcester’s with pink tinted walls
stud crimsoned carpet, sprinkled with small
white buds. The piano was open, strewn
with sheets of music, just as it had been
left, its pearl keys glimmering softly in the
subdued radiance of one jet of light that
glowed through a frosted slpule above.—
The tea-table was all set—l had often
dreamed of a home of my own that should
be something like Lee Worcester’s in its
snug evening comfort, and somehow that
tea-table always formed part of the phan
tasm. There was something so bright and
cheerful in the. snowy damask, and the
sparkling glass and glittering china. Old
bachelor 'as I was, the golden blocks of
cake and tiny white muffins, breaking in
to crisp flakes that melted in one’s mouth,
and amber jellies, quivering like gigantic
jewels through their crystal prison walls,
producing a wonderfully agreeable effect
in my epicurean sight. And I could im
agine no prettier vision to crown it all,
than Mary Worcester, in jier crimson me
rino dress, edged around i the throat with
delicate lace, presiding at the silver tea
urn. Except, perhaps—but that is nei
ther here nor there!
1 was a little disappointed on entering,
not to see Lee’s sister-in-law, a trim little
beauty, with brown rippling hair and vel
vet eyes, somewhere between hazel and
black, but 1 did not like to ask any ques
tions, and consequently remained in ignor
ance until Mary casually remarked:
“Nettie is very low spirited this even
ing, perhaps she will come down stairs by
and by.”
How I longed to ask what the matter
was. Perhaps she had received ill news,
perhaps she was not well. I would have
given my; two ears to know, but I didn’t
dare to inquire.
“So you are going to be married, eh
Tracy, my boy,” said Lee, as we sat in
front of the bright fire. “Well, you can’t
do better. A bachelor, at best, is a mere
fraction of society 1”
I started up, annoyed beyond all endur
ance.
“For mercy’s sake, dear Lee, do tell me
where you picked up that ridiculous re
port!” : '
“Ridiculous report! that’s pretty cool,,
upon my honor,” exclaimed Worcester.
“Now, Mr. Guide,” said Mary, laugh
ing, “don’t deny the soft impeachment. 1
am sure you Would enjoy a quiet home of
your own better than that noisy hotel.
There is no charm against a sad heart like
domestic bliss !”
There was a radiant softness in her own
tender eyes as she spoke, that penetrated
me with the sudden conviction that I had
been exceedingly foolish to remain single
all these years.
“Do confess,” she added, gaily.
“But l| have nothing on earth to con
fess!” ?
“Nonsense,” Said Mary, holding up a
pretty* warning finger. “What were you
buying at D’Artier’s, thievery morning?”
I turned scarlet; here was that ever
lasting wedding-cake again.
Fortunately my inquisition was terrain
fINDEPENDENT IN EVERYTHING.]
ated for a moment by the entrance of Lee’s
sister-in-law, looking lovelier than I had
ever seen her before, a little pale perhaps,
however, and her, silky eyelashes heavy
with what 1 could almost have fancied re
cent tears, were it not that she seemed in
extravagantly gay spirits. .The soft flush
es of color came and went like pink shad
ows across her cheeks, and her carol lips
were dimpled with the brightest of smiles,
yet all the time I could not divest myself
of the .odd impression that she was ready
to melt into an April shower of tears at
any moment.
She lightly tendered me her congratula
tions upon the approaching ‘happy event,’
holding out a small snowy hand loaded
with sparkling rings, as she did so.
“You speak in riddles, Miss Nettie.”
“Don’t pretend that you have not the
key to them,” she said, a little tremu
lously.
“I cannot comprehend what you mean,”
answered I, sturdily.
She said no more, but sat quietly down,
shading her eyes with her hand, as though
the lire dazzled them. Mrs. Worcester,
jiowever, still pursued the obnoxious sub
ject,
“Then how do you explain the wedding
cake at D’Artier’s f ”
“Is that the only testimony upon which
I am tried and convicted of a wilful in
tention of matrimony ?”
“That is all; we are i“eady to hear your
defence.”
“Well that unlucky mass of white su
gar and dyspepsia was for my brother’s
wedding ceremonies, a hundred miles
away. 1 assure you it had not the least
connection with my matrimonial fortunes;”
Nettie looked upi with rare brilliance
under her long lashes, and an almost in
voluntary smile wreathed her lips. I took
heart of hope and went bravely on, cheer
ed by a sudden inspiratiou.
“But I will purchase a bride cake twice
as large, for my own wedding, if Nettie
will consent to be the bride!”
There —I had done it, and in less than
five minutes was an accepted lover, look
ing boldly in the Wondrous liquid depths
of those brown beautiful eyes. A new
sensation—but agreeable, very.
“And now, Tracy,” said Maiy, mis
chievously, “I’ll tell you a secret: the rea
son Nettie cried half the afternoon; and
become so low spirited this evening, was
that—’
“Mary!” remonstrated Nettie, with
cheeks ablaze.
“That she heard you were buying a
wedding-cake!” pursued Mary, putting
away the white fingers with which Nettie
vainly strove to fetter her ftll tale lips.
“I’ll order another one to-morrow,”
said I, meditatively. “Ah, I shouldn’t
have repined so much at Tom’s commis
sion had I known what a sweet little wife
it would bring me!”
“Don’t, Tracy!” said Nettie, hiding
her face on my shoulder.
And then Tom wrote to know why on
earth ! didn’t come to his hymenial ceremo
nies. I wrote back that I was obliged to
stay and attend a wedding of my own!
And such a wedding-cake as graced the
centre of our banqueting board! It’s no
use trying to describe its frosted splendors,
but if any of my readers seriously contem
plate getting married, I’ll send them the
recipe.
“You Fights Mix Sigel, You Duinks
Mix Me.” —A soldier, with his arm in a
sling, on Monday morning, went into
Bergner’s beer saloon, under the Post
Office, to refresh himself with lager beer.
The sight of his wounded limb very natural
ly interested the crowd that was present.
A conversation ensued, in which the wound
ed man, in response to inquires, modestly
stated that he had fought under Sigel in
Missouri. At the name of Sigel a little
German in the corner of the room rose
to his feet. He rah up to the wounded
man just as he raised his lager to his lips.
‘You fights mit Sigelj’ said he, “you drinks
mitme.” The woundedjsolclier was slightly
taken back at the abruptness of the remark,
when the Teuton embraced him, actually
kissing his cheek as a man would kiss the
cheek of a girl. “Mein Cot,” said he, “no
man what fights mit Sigel pays for beer
when I jsh by—no, sir.” The resuli further
Was that after the soldier had slaked his
thirst, the German went out with him, prof
fering to him anything he might desire.
The affection felt for Sigel by the Ger
man population of this city is very great.
We see it illustrated nearly every day.-r-
Phil. U. S. Gut.
Car Beecher says “the devil does not
tap us twice alike. .If yesterday he came
through vunity, to-day he will come thro’
pride. If to-day he comes on one side to
morrow he will coine on the other. And
we are always watching at the hole he
came in last,, while he is coming in at
another. We arc guarding an empty
hole, while he is digging a new one.”
0“ ‘Papa, why don’t they give the tele
graph a dose of gin?
‘Why my child 1
‘Cause the papers say that they are out
of order, and mamma always takes gin
when she is out of Order.’
HOW “BUT” DOSED HIB DOG.
When I wer a boy, and my legs not
longer than John Westworth’s, dad fetched
home a durned. worthless, mangy, flea*
bitten, gray, old fox houn’, good for noth*,
ing but to swaller ub what orter lined the
bowels ov ns brats. Well, I; naturally
tuck a distaste to him, an had a sort of
honkerin arter hurtin his feelings and
discumfiirtin ov him eveiy time dad’s back
was turned. This sorter kept; a big skeer
alters afore his eyes and a orfut yell ready
to pour out the fust moshun lie seed me
make. : So he larnt to swaller things as he
run, and alters kept his laigs'well under
himself, for he never knowed bow soon he
must want tu use em in totin bis infumal
care us beyon the reach ova dying rock.
He knowed the whiz of a rock in moshun
well, and he never stored tu see who flung
it, butjist let. head fly a howl
room tu cum, and sat his laigs a gwine
the way his nose happened tu Ibe pintin.
He’d shy round every rock he Speed in the
road, for he looked upon it as h calamity
tu cum arter him sum day. 1 1 tell you,
Georgy, that runin am the greatest inven
shun on yearth, when used keerfully.—
Whor’d I a bin by this time, ef I hadn’t
relyed on these ere laigs? D’ye see em ?
Don’t they mind you ov a par oV com pusses
made to divide a mite inter ; quarters ?
They’ll do. ,
Well, one day, I tuck a pig’s bladder, ni
onto the size ov a duck’s aig, and filled it
with powder and corked it up vjfith apiece
ov spunk, rolled it up in a thin skulp of
meat and sot the spunk afire, and flung it
out; he swallered it at a jerk, and sot intu
gittin away for doing it. 1 hefted a noise
like bust in, and his tail lit a top ov my
hat. His hed wer way down the hill and
hed tuck a deth hold onter a root. His
forelegs wer fifty feet up the road a makin
runnin nioshuns, and his hine ones a
straddle ov the fence. Es tu the dog his
self, as a dog, I never seed him agin. Well,
dad, dum his onsanctified soul, flung five or
six hundred under my shurt with the dried
skin ov a bull’s tail, and , gin ine the re
mainder next day with a waggin whip what
he borrowed from a feller while he wur a
waterin’ his bosses; the wagoner got sorry
fur me, and hollered to me tii.turn my
beggiu and squallin inter fustrate runnin,
which I emejutly ded and the last lick
missed me about ten feet.
PUZZLING A YANKEE.
Americans sere an inquisitive people,
yet from the very necessity whijeh this en
genders, there is no person better under
stands the art of parrying and baffling in
quisitiveness in another, than the Yankee.
We were quite amused recently*by an ac
count given by a city friend of a colloquy
.which came off in a country village through
which he was traveling, between himself
and one of the natives, who' manifested an
itching curiosity to pry into his affairs.
‘How do you do V exclaimed 1 ;the latter,
hustling up to him as he alighted fora few
moments at a - hotel. ‘Reckon I’ve seen
you afore now V
‘Oh yes,’ was the answer, ‘no doubt—l
have been there often in my life.’
‘S’pose you’re going to— —-, (expect
in the name of the place to be supplied.)
‘Just so—l go there regularly once a
year-’ ■■
‘And you’ve come from—,
‘Exactly sir—you’re exactly right—
that’s my place of residence.’ ■!
‘Really; now, dew tell—l ’spbse you’re
a lawyer, or may be a trader, or perhaps
some other perfeshunor calling V
'*■ ‘Yes I haVe always pursued; some one
of these professions.’ ;
‘Got business in the country,; eh f ’
‘Yes, l am at this time engaged in travel
ing.’
‘I see by your trunk that yoji are from
Boston. Anything stirring in Boston V
‘Yes —inen, women, horses and car
iages, and a furious northeaster.’]
‘You don’t say so ? Well, j declare,
now you are a tarnal cute. What do you
think they will do with Sims V
‘Why it is my opinion that they will eith
er deliver him up to the claimant, or let
him go free.’ i |
‘You’ve had a monstrous right of rain
in Boston —did an awful right pf damage
1 suppose.’
‘Yes it I wet all the buildings,! and made
the streets very damp—very dafl .p indeed.’
‘Didn’told Pannilget a soaking?’
‘No. They hauled it on the Common,
under the Liberty tree.’
i. ‘You are a circus chap I guess, you are
1 kinder foolin. Pray Mister, if its a civil
question, what might your name be V .
‘ It might be-Smith or Brown, but it is
not by a long shot. The fact*' is sir, I
never had a name. When I wife born, my
mother was so busy that she forgot to
name me, and Boon after I wais swapped
I away by mistake for another boy, and am
I now just applying to the Legji lature for
> a name. When I get it I will send you
my card. Good morning sir.’ %
And so saying the speaker jumped into
the carriage and drove off,. rawing the
: Paul Pry of the place scratchftig his head
!in bewilderment, and apparently in more
perplexity than ere he had commenced ins
catechising*. ! |
EDITORS AND PROPRIETORS.
A SMOOTH SKDHL
Dan says that a year ago or two he hap
pened to have in his employ a couple ot
“broths of boys,” who like all the jolly
“onld Ireland,” liked “a bit of a taste of.
something” comsutnedly wellt and often ;
indulged in it to his grierons aanojyance, ■
for of course they usually chose the most
inopportune moment to get“cordialled.”
On one occasion, in her husband’s ab
sence, Mrs. Dan noticed that Pat and Mike
had procured a supply of the “crayther,”
and stowed the jug that contained it upon
* deserted shelf in the chimney corner.
, Woman, you know—God ; bless ’em
nevertheless—hardly like us of the sterner
sea to “liquidate,” and with her sisters
.proverbial, and with her. aversion of the
“red eye,” my Mend’s wife took advantage
of the dog’s attendance -to their “ chores,”'
and abstracting their jug, substituted in its
stead one exactly similar in appearance,
outwardly so, but not in its “inards.”
At night the boys bunked in upon the
kitchen floor, and Mr. D. and his'lady
retired to -their room, the door of which
opened into the kitchen, where they could
have a view from their bed of what might
transpire between the “bogtrotters.”
When Mike had given what fan supposed
was ample time for the << boss” to go to
sleep, he *‘hunched” his neighbor, saying:
“Arrah, Pat! let’s have a drap.”
“Begorry, so say I, Mike; it’s as dry as
a chip I am, entirely, this blessed night.”
Up both sprang, and Pat reaching the
jug, took it down from it’s perch, and in
full view of Mr. D. and his wife, who
were watching the “motions” took a
“swig.” But the expression of his face
was anything but a favorable comment,
upon the contents. Mike noticed the con
tortion, and exclaimed:
“Pat, what thedefll are yon maltin’ rich
a bad look over the whiskey for I”
“Faith, Mike,” replied his companion,
recovering himself, “it was no bad look at
all, I was after making. I was only think
ing what a smooth drink it was, sure.”
“Hand over here,” cried Mike impa
tiently, and applying it to his lips, he took
a generous draught. ,
“ Blurenages ! ” he roared for the door,
where Pat followed him, and the noise of
their efforts at “heaving Jonah,” made the
night hideous.
‘ ‘My friend and his partner thought they
would crack their sides in bed, laughing
over the affair; and next morning be went
to the jug and shook it, but it was badly
depleted. .
“Mike,” he cried, addressing one of two
sickly looking Irishmen as ever complained
“what on earth has became of all the lin
seed oil! ”
“Linseed ile, is it, sir?” exclaimed Pat,
with an air as though something had
cleared up a great mystery to him.
“Yes, I want some to oil the harness,
and I see it’s almost gone.” ■ " -
The poor fellow only muttered—“ Li
nseed ile, it was sure, had luck to it then;
it went down mighty smooth.”
This was mosttoo much for my friend,
as be overheard this observation, and he
•tad to give vent to pent-up laughter, at
which Pat “vamosed,” but in such high
dudgeon, that the mention of a “smooth
drink” wakes up the shillelagh in li«y
whenever one hazards to hint at it.
A Talented Son.—The son of a wor
thy deaeon, whose father was away from
"home, undertook to say the family prayers,
or rather the prayer he had been accustomed
to hear repeated every evening Since the
days of his boyhood. ■He commenced
aright and for a time got on swimmingly ,
quite astonishing his mother, who had no
idea she bad so talented a son. At last,
when he was in the midst of his invoca
tion, bis memory forsook him and he re
peated the first part several times till at
length the patience of the good dame was
thoroughly exhausted.
‘Joe,’ she whispered, “Joe do get through
some time.”
“I would mother,” replied the poor boy,
“but 1 don’t know howto wind the darned
thing up.”
o*ou> Abe’s Last.— One day while
Carl Schnrz was awfully boaring Old Abe
for a foreign embassy, he asked where he
was originally from.
“ lam an Amsterdam Dutchman,” said
Carl.
“ Well,” said old Abe with one of his
usual sallies, “Mr. Schnrz, what is die
difference between aa Amsterdam Dutch
man and any other dam Dutchman!”
O* Halloa! my little man,” said a gentle
man from a window in the second stray
of his country mansion, to a little urchin
passing by who was gazing with much ap*
parent wonder, “I guess you think there
is a little heaven up here, don’t you buhl”
“Well, yes sir, I should if I hadh’i seen
the devil stick bis head ont of the wipdow 1”
fyTell me, ye angelic hosts, ye messen
gers ot lore, shallswindled printers here
'bdow have no redress above f r
The shining angel braid replied ; “To
us is knoweidge given ; delinqiMßta on
the printer's boohs can never enter
heaven!” -#■
■V?- 1
,1 •' \-
NO, 32.