injTTBR'S "‘i ?|e CAPITOL |£ Biildepy, IC. BOOK MANTJFAditJRY Viiikft St . Harrisburg, Pu jsftnient is chiefly devoted to ptqi® of Wank Book* for teoi Railroad Companies, /]§jX Idaallo Jnaltcaiies the Mi workmanship may in ifIQgEW wsasEsswaag tib.-ruiedand bonudto order: ;iie best limn paper. - . OtKers. desiring to bare their Bocks*., eraie prices, should ylvensacall. Ve* (e»t «M«- Harper’* Weekly, OleLamC *, Scientific American, *1 i» any style required. Harper 5 *Month (krthocker, Blackwood's and Oraharm. S» IJady’s Book, Lady'slUpository.iw land Music. Ac., bound in extra style*., d spbstantial half binding. Select PM iVoTs. Pamphlet laws, bound in good Ll ' iry ■ moderate pi kes. Persons harlne .’ M Co bind, will receive a liberal diacoum rbe sept to us from a distapeeby v, Mika trusted to oar care willbe erw.,, and returned by l|ito>re«M f. l. ttUtTEfc: /farrijimry, j\,_ IfcliEKN. at the Tribunt Office. ®,. ■Had vicinity. They will give informs and receive and return books for all who ent.uat their work i.. [March 21,1861.1* :» £ T~ ~ STJ c« T : 03 c .3 g • 55 VZ •«■«•■•- « W •35 •*» ” £ fer . fo-* 8 § a *i i I H -«f «: r L S * j S* g«gf S.s. <t z oi { * u **s, 2j« ts ,j**| ! S $ S 3 = c y O § g .g f m “OSS-a i P w-15-|2 j S^ISfS M |_3 55 *!< fc S ■ Swieti QO a es*-* sk* : SY AND BAKERY! JPEHSIGNKD ANNOIT.V ijizons of Altoona and vicinity that lie . & large invoice* of #ECTIOXAIUES, NUTS. SMGKS tijdran ic.. «|ires»ly for the Holiday*. -|i oTways on huml a good stock of plain own miinufactnre/ .UNES, RAISINS, ‘season* of the year, £ Sugar, Molasses, Batter, ■WITZ/'/T: .WHEATFLOUR. JOT FLOUR. CORN MEAL. AC., nil for salt* in luive ur smalt quantities. ;pd pric? my :-U>ck and yoo will find ckp us any in town. JACOp WISE §T ijl KSTION WHU'li Hi“ mind «.•!*•every person th<- i'- 't ariiclf’ for toßu utlit-i matti'-rs. the (BiMupt ti> dir-vt. but if you ■! . aifnelln*- its OR SIIORS i ol his *ti«;k aud work, tally on «mh<l ur. us-mtun.-nl uf Boots,Shoe*' ~ winch in- ut lair prices, btl .attention to cu-iom work, .alio Itcd io jri\»- satisfaction. Nonebutth ip lured , . . « i» is on Virginia «tm-l. immedlatel 'pg Jslr.ru. _ . . PPm .wax U. ROBERT*. i'ETTINGEITS « .News -Agency,.. ■No. 7, M AIN STREET Bloks. blank books,: IJfer, CONFECTIONARIES Its & TOBACCO, iOTIONS IS GREAT VARIETY |ij|JANTLY OX HAND. [/POLICE GAZETTE u lira a! of Crime and Criminal* * 111 fed 1* widely circulated tfaraaghuni ™«Sus air the Great Triala, Criminal ate Editorialeon the,ome, together tviil Ininal Matters, net to be found In nay 12 per ahmun; $1 for six montlis, !l Sbers, (who should write their liana. land State where they reside plainly.l [ To G. W. MATSELL A CO BP’r. of Xew Yurk Poiice Gaxelte. .Vein Turk Cits FECTIONEEY VSTER SALOON, iSCRIBBK , WOULD IN titeus of Altoona and rieinltythat hl» it XCT and PKOTT BToS>*ts ial«*je rery best articles to behad- ond In great (boon- UEH JSA3L.OON tt. in whiclihe will aerie up OTSIEKS the season. .. ■ & BREAD 4 FIES«Rm*t mtuai. if prepared to sqnply cakes, candies. *c.. ijr parties.: lie inrites a tbare of pubhe 4 that he can render full satUiritwn to lore end saloon ia on I ii* Mail. OTTO BOSSI. fSOI-tf IESSLEK PRACTICAL BT. rapect/nliy announces Lltoona and Hie public [where be towfdiittlWfly'iMß pioleaale and Retail, PROGS, ■! mrcALs. oils, v arrish- mt 9 jsi to hasiuees,end & deeire torrwlrr s*’ 'larli price end quality, he hop'* lo i »h»r« of public putrepnge- ■ . icpchente .applied on reaaMtable Mrtu ’ fa dutxnce, promptly attended.■*»>■ , Iptkau carefully compounded. .llv* 1. « $A S E .—Having p«£ j izbt to manufacture the Cd?§gp,,. K?AL TKETH, I Am nu this new uuibMutlfal nr to the old »t)rl«, ou fllW "I ■ or dtocolor. ft conUto* ' coprw there to nil to often become obnfflripHfe •■'jSSm. if teeth win ple«e MUjurf <pee hi AtWen*- I) LARI) OHS f # :i« Flaid. Caxboo OU, * c Jyggjj!B , 8. AT luttorlmi-ut of .IsSf :HS. A LAiWrJS iwtoH'nt <>fGroceric» Hay* AT, TOOTH, SHA vi^G> VerntoU • , S gggt,K»’S mm mitiTpf IHS, COWesMr?%?t' r 5s firttmt Met >BS ANP KVS WSfll- McCKUM & BERN, \ r OL. 7 THE ALTOONA TRIBUNE. ,5. \IcUttUM, PUBLUH&&B AND PROPBIETGBB. • r *uhuai.tpajrabl© invariably in advance,;....,. $1,50. iilp*V* r * discontinued at the expiration of the time ,41-1 I" 1 ►' tDVK&TieiH.O 1 insertion ' 'S do. « do. . .mi - ~i i«*»a $26 $ ‘ | 50 .•-Hiufrr**. { $ lines) ~ 60 75 100 - (10 “ ) 1 W 150 200 (24 •* > 100 W 260 iv«*r tinfie weeks and less than three months* 25 cents r -‘jiiiir* l i«»r each insertion. ftinonths. 6 mouths. 1 yeai. ....$ 1 "60 $3 00 $6 00 2 50 400 ; 7 00 .... 400 600 10 00 6 00 8 00 12 00 flJlir 6 00 10 00 14 00 liiiU ft column 10 00 14 00 1 20 00 ‘iue column UOO .j 40 00 VdmiuiPtrfttorß mid Kxeculors Notices. 1 <6 advertising by the year, three aquiree, with liberty to change, 1 10 00 professional >r Business Card?, not exceeding 8 linen with i&per, per year.; 6 00 i.oinmnnications of a political -haxacter or individual in r-t will be charged according to the above rate*. Uvertisemen h not marked with the number of inaer , ,; )tl 9 desired, will he continued till forbid and charged ac ..nlinc r, » the above terms. HusineM notices five cents per line for every insertion. \ imes or lofift me *.|iiar«* ihltuary notices exceeding tea linea, fifty cents a sqna e BALTIMORE LOCK HOSPITAL t-%,KsTABLISUJCD AS A REFUGE FROM QUACKERY The Only Place Where a Cure Can be Obtained* DU. JOHNSON has discovered the moat Certain, Speedy and only Effectual Remedy in th • world for all Private Diseases, Weakness of the Back Limbs, Strictures, Affections of the Kidneys and Blad ier. Involuntary Discharges, Impotency, General Debility, Nervousness, Dyspepsy, Languor, Low Spirits, Confusion if M ‘a*, Palpitation of tble Heart,Timidity, Tremblings, Dimness ot Sight or Giddiness, Disease of the Head. Throat, Nose or Skin, Affections of the Liver, Langs, Stem u'li or Bowels— those Terrible disorders arising from the solitary Habits of Youth—those secret and solitary prac- mure fatal to their victims than the song of Syrens to >h>- Mariners of Ulysses, blighting their most brilliant or anticipations, rendering marriage Ac., impossi ble ' . YOUNG MEN K'P-fciKlly, who have become the victims of Solitary Vice, Mit dn-idful aud destuctive habit which annually sweeps i in untimely grave thousands of Young Men of the most • \ i dm I talents and brilliant intellect, who might other have entranced listening Senates with the thunders ~f-vi.juence. or waked to cctgsy the living lyre,.may call *i:i, full confidence. MARRIAGE >1 trried Persons, or Young Men cotempiating marriage, in mg aware of physical weakness, organic debility, defor mity. Ac., speedily cured. !l- who places himself under the care of Dr. ,1. may re lU'-'ii-ly confide in his honor as a gentleman. and confi i- iitly rely upon his skill as a physician. ORGANIC WEAKNESS nmediately Cured, aud full Vigor Restored. Tub Distressing Affection —which render* Life miserable a.i marriage impossible—is the penalty paid by the of Improper indulgences. Young persons are to ~ii t ■» commit from not being awale of the dread ful < > ousei]uem;es that may ensue. Now. who that under -[iitili the subject will pretend to deny that the power of r- T»*at ion i« lost sooner by those falling into improper YihiN than by the prudent ? Resides being deprived the pK-asures of healthy nff.-pring. the most serious «ad de tractive symptoms to both body and mind arise. The -ystem brumes Deranged, th«* Physical and Mental Func tions Weakened. Los- of Procreative Power, Nervous Irri tability. Dyspepsia. Palpitation of th* Heart. Indigestion Constitutional Debility, a Wasting of the Frame, Cough. Consumption, Decav and Death. OFFICE, NO. 7 SOUTH FREDERICK STREET, hob hand side going from Baltimore street, a few doors Triiin rlie corner. Fail not to'ohserve name and number hotter* must be paid and contain a stamp. The Doc ■ >r's Diplomas hang in his office A CURE WARRANTED IN TWO DAYS. So ifrrcurv or Nuseon* Drug*. OR. JOHNSON. tlrmher of the Royal College of Surgeons, London, Grad* <utt* from one of the most eminent Colleges in tile United Siiit*?*. and the greater part of whose life has been spent in rlie- hospitals of Lundon. Parid, Philadelphia and else has effected} some of the most astonishing cures that w-r.e ever known; many troubled with rlngioft in the h’iJ and ears when asleep, great nervousness, being alarmed at sudden sounds, baahfulness, with frequent hlu-liing, attends somotimes with derangement of mind, »-**re curwl immediately. *• TAKE PARTICULAR NOTICE Dr. .F. addresses all those who have injured themselves m improper Indulgence and solitary habits, which ruin •’ Ah body and mind, unfitting either business. 'tuily„ society or marriage. These are some of the sad and melancholy effects pro m.’*l by early habits of youth, viz; Weakness of the Kick and Limbs. Pains in the Dead. Dimness of Bight, 1.-'** of Muscular Power. Palpitation of the Heart. Dys i P«y, Nervous Irritability, Derangement of the Diges • iv*; Functions. General Debility, Symptoms of Consump t.'in. ,tc. p 'Lentallv.—The fearful effects of the mind are ranch to ■ dreaded— Loss of Memory, Confusion of Ideas, De ; r."*.ion of spirits, Evil-Forebodings, Aversion to Society, > if-Distrust, Love of Solitude, Tlznidit>, Ac., are some of ni- --vila produced. Tnors\ND9 of persons of all agescan now judge what is Hi - cause of their declining health, losing thejr vigor, be *•‘tiling weak, jwile, nervous and emaciated, having a sin gular appearance about tho eyes, cough and symptoms of consumption. YOUNG .MEN 1' lio have injured themselves by a certain practice in biig-d in when alone, a habit frequently learned from •vil companions, of at school, the effects of which are nighdy felt, even when asleep, and If not cured renders marriiige~!mposible, and destroys both mind and body, •lumld apply itufliediatcly. What a pity that a young mao, the hope of his country, i’“'darling of his parents,, should be snatched from aJI i»n><pects and enjoyments of life, by the Consequence of d“viatmg from tho path of nature, &od indulging iu a certain secret habit. Such persons MCST. before CODtem* plating ■ _ MARRIAGE, reflect that a sound toind and body are the most necessary ■■“Tuisit** ia promote connubial happiness. Indeed, with *iir these, the journey through life becomes a weary pil trimage; thn prospect hourly darkens to the view; the minil become*! shadowed with despair and filled with the melancholy reflection that the happiness ot another be* j blighted with oar own. , DISEASE OF IMPRUDENCE. '»hen the misguided and imprudent votary of pleasure tindx that he has imbibed the seeds of this painful dis* >* too often happens that an ill-timed sensedf shame, T dreiid of discovery, deters him from applying to those from education and respectability, can alone be 'ri'-nd him, delaying till the coostitotional symptoms of tins horrid disease make, their appearance, such as ulcera ted aye throat, diseased nose, nocturnal pain s In the head sad limbs, dimness of sight, deafness, nodes on the shin hnnoa and arms, blotches on the head, fitco and extremt* l K progressing with frightful rapidity, till at last the pai4tf-,of the month or the bones of the nose fall In, and th* victim of this awful disease becomes a horrid object of ' till death puts a period to his dreadful ■jnffrrings, by sending him'to “that Undiscovered Country > p <jtn whence no traveller returns.” | l k h 7H dancholy fact that thousands fall victims to l ni« b-rrible disease, owing to the. unakillfnlness of igno pretenders, who, bv the use. of that Deadly ibtson, 7'r-ioy. ruin the constitution and make the residue of >f“ miserable. STRANGERS | r, i*t n«.t your live*. ur health to th«* care of the many « an«l Worthless Preteutfcrs?, destitute bf knowl '■;U H . nanif or character, who copy Dr. Johnston’s adror- or stylo theinselTos, in* the newspapers, regn i*r‘.v Kfhicated Physicians, incapable of Coring, they keep J"? trifling month after mouth, taking their filthy and jOHouoiis or as long as the smallest feu caa plained, and In despair, Ipave yon with mined health yoor galling disappointment. ,/• Jy hn»ton is the only Physician advertising, tin crH-ntial or diplomas always hang in his office. ‘ti® remedies or treatment are unknown to ail others, rl J > J lro< *.a life upent in the great hospitals of Europe. • nrst m the country and a moreextenslve Private Prac ' than any other Physician in the world. - ...indorsement of the press. v. ip ° m ? n y thousands cored at this Institution, year after r., j J ,et nanM,r °o« important Surgical operations sk. „ ~- v Johnston, witnessed by the reporters of the wiiiri’t * Clipper,” and many other papers, notices of n Ve ’ apT>^rwi again an,i a S aln before the public, dfr-inkinti ■ M a gentlemen of character and re louiiy, is a sufficient guarantee to the afflicted. •So bi»l N diseases speedily cured. I,n,e *" P«« t -P»W .nd containing a r T p,y Pen,on * wrttlngtbdnM (tote F«*m. l^’T tion « f "'l.'rtiMßi.nt denoribing .jmptoms letter, SJ.7- *l°* e ** oulfl b< - particular in directing their “ r * to thi. Inrtltution. In the following manner; J°”N M. JOHNSTON. MID.. <tfth» Baltimore Lock Hospital. Margin Choice .a. C. DKRjN NEVER WHIP. Wh it*# the ue of always fretting At the trials we shall find v fiw strewn along oor pathway ? Travel on, and “Never Mind.” Travel onward; working, hoping; Cast no lingering glance behind, At the trials once encountered, Look ahead, and “Never Mind.” What is past, is past forever. Let all fretting be resigned It wiil never help the matte), . Do your best, and “Never Mind. And if those who.might befriend you, i Whom ties of patnre bind, ( Should refuse to„<do their duty. Look to Heaven, and “Never Mind.” words are often spoken. When the teelipgs aro uukiud, 'Take them for their real value, Pass them by, and “Never Mind." Pate may threaten, clouds may lower, Enemies may he combined. If your trust in God is steadfast, . He will help you, “Never Miud.” Mtlut IpMdlxng. BUYING A WEDDING-CAKE Letters, sir, from de poa’ office!” “Very well, Sambo, put em’ down and take yourself off! ’’ I bad just finished my breakfast,' and the tiny silver choclatiere with the bache lor service of transparent china, still stood on the damask dra]>ed round table. It was a bright little room, with its white and gold paper, and high Reaped grate, on the gray light of this chill December morning, when the air was thick with noiseless fall ing snow flakes; and this contrast between the bitter atmosphere without and the tropical warmth of my own special nook, gave me an additional consciousness of satisfaction, as I leaned back in my chair and proceeded to examine my correspon dence. Lee Worcester wants lo know if 1 can come there to tea this evening. Of course I can. Lee’s wife is a perfect little rosebud, and one besides who don’t believe in cash iering all her husband’s bachelor friends. And then I rather like that little brown eyed sister-in-law of his. Yes, I’ll go. cer tainly. Halloo—here’s a letter from my brother in Glenfield! I unfolded the doc ument eagerly, scarcely able, at first, to credit the .tidings it revealed. Well here’s a pretty state of things. Go ing to be married, claims my congratula tions, says that Mary (who the dickens is Mary?) is in great tribulation about the wedding-cake ; affair to coine off on Wed nesday, and no cake to be had for love or money ? Will Ibe the best fellow in the world, and send down one from D’Ar tiers ? I glanced at the date of the letter. It had been delayed for several days on the road, and there was not a minute to be lost. I rose, mechanically, and put on my hat and cloak, giving one more heedful gaze at the directions about icing, wfeight and decorating which accompanied Tom’s closely written Cpistlc, before I spilled forth boldly to the street on my novel errand. It was just about one o’clock, the snow had ceased falling, and the sun shone bril liantly. D’Artier’s was full, of course; there was at least a dozen ladies that I knew sitting at the tiny marble tables. I tried to assume an air ofeaay impudence, as if I had only come in for a pound of chocolate almonds, but it; was no use; I could not disguise the latent sheepishness of my aspect as I sauntered up to the coun ter. “How can I serve you, sir ?” demanded the trim damsel, who presided over the sacharine treasures. I muttered something Under my mous tache, feeling a hot blush suffuse my whole countenance. Why would not the inquis itive woman kind attend to their ice creams?” “Cake, sir?” •- “Certainly.” , •, “For a party, sir ? Found cake, lemon and almond —” “N0,n0,” I bailed out; “Iwant awed ding-cake.” . “Oh, I beg your pardon, sir,” tittered the atrocious woman. Was it reality, or did I only fancy-that the titter was echoed among the bonnets and furs beyond ? However that might might have been, the mere apprehension was sufficient to throw me into a cold perspiration. The next moment, however, the counter was heaped with various temples of glisten ing white sugar, some wreathed with make-believe roses, some surmounted with candy cupids, others with pure mas ses of icing. I surveyed them in a state of hopeless bewilderment. “Perhaps, sir, it would be better if the lady could come with you to select,” haz arded my enemy behind the counter. I could endure this badgering no longer, but pounced upon a gigantic pyramid of sugar lilies, from which peeped up a tiny alabaster cupid. “I’ll take this—what is the price V “Fifteen dollars, sir.” I laid doum the m6ney, and never ex- ALTOONA, PA., THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 1862. peneneed so delicious a sensation of relief as at the moment when I thrust the cupid, packed' in a round wooden box, under my arm and rushed out of the establish ment. How gladly I delivered it to the ex press agent, who tossed it •on side as carelessly as if the transmision of wedding cakes were a matter of every day occur rence. “How d’ye do Golde, when is it to come off?” “When is what to come off?” queried I, considerably puzzled at my friend Ather ton’s address. “Your wedding, to be sure. Ah, you are a sly dog to keep us all in the dark so long ?” “\oucan’t have been much more in the dark than I am at this moment, Atherton. W hat on earth do you mean But Atherton only wagged his head knowingly, and rushed off on pursuit of a stage, saying something of which I only caught the disconnected fragments “my wife” and “D’Artier’s.” “Hang that wedding-cake,” was my in ternal ejaculation. As 1 pursued my speculative way a tiny gloved hand was held out from a passing carriage. “Ah, Mrs. Everleigh, excuse me for not seeing you before ?” “We all know that love is blind.” said the lady, smilingly. ‘“Now I see why you have not been to see, me for an age. My niece was at D’Artier’s this morning, and saw how particular you, were in the selection of a certain article Before I could explain the piece of cir cumstantial evidence, there was a move ment in the ‘lock’ of carriages which had caused the temporary detention o( my fair friend, and the equipage rolled away, with a wave of the pretty hand and the archest smiles. I stood looking after her, with an odd sort of impression that I should wake up presently to find myself married to some body, whether or no ; indeed, 1 was not altogether certain whether Mrs. Golde was not waiting for me ut home. How brilliantly the firelight and gas light illuminated that cosy little room at Lee M orcester’s with pink tinted walls stud crimsoned carpet, sprinkled with small white buds. The piano was open, strewn with sheets of music, just as it had been left, its pearl keys glimmering softly in the subdued radiance of one jet of light that glowed through a frosted slpule above.— The tea-table was all set—l had often dreamed of a home of my own that should be something like Lee Worcester’s in its snug evening comfort, and somehow that tea-table always formed part of the phan tasm. There was something so bright and cheerful in the. snowy damask, and the sparkling glass and glittering china. Old bachelor 'as I was, the golden blocks of cake and tiny white muffins, breaking in to crisp flakes that melted in one’s mouth, and amber jellies, quivering like gigantic jewels through their crystal prison walls, producing a wonderfully agreeable effect in my epicurean sight. And I could im agine no prettier vision to crown it all, than Mary Worcester, in jier crimson me rino dress, edged around i the throat with delicate lace, presiding at the silver tea urn. Except, perhaps—but that is nei ther here nor there! 1 was a little disappointed on entering, not to see Lee’s sister-in-law, a trim little beauty, with brown rippling hair and vel vet eyes, somewhere between hazel and black, but 1 did not like to ask any ques tions, and consequently remained in ignor ance until Mary casually remarked: “Nettie is very low spirited this even ing, perhaps she will come down stairs by and by.” How I longed to ask what the matter was. Perhaps she had received ill news, perhaps she was not well. I would have given my; two ears to know, but I didn’t dare to inquire. “So you are going to be married, eh Tracy, my boy,” said Lee, as we sat in front of the bright fire. “Well, you can’t do better. A bachelor, at best, is a mere fraction of society 1” I started up, annoyed beyond all endur ance. “For mercy’s sake, dear Lee, do tell me where you picked up that ridiculous re port!” : ' “Ridiculous report! that’s pretty cool,, upon my honor,” exclaimed Worcester. “Now, Mr. Guide,” said Mary, laugh ing, “don’t deny the soft impeachment. 1 am sure you Would enjoy a quiet home of your own better than that noisy hotel. There is no charm against a sad heart like domestic bliss !” There was a radiant softness in her own tender eyes as she spoke, that penetrated me with the sudden conviction that I had been exceedingly foolish to remain single all these years. “Do confess,” she added, gaily. “But l| have nothing on earth to con fess!” ? “Nonsense,” Said Mary, holding up a pretty* warning finger. “What were you buying at D’Artier’s, thievery morning?” I turned scarlet; here was that ever lasting wedding-cake again. Fortunately my inquisition was terrain fINDEPENDENT IN EVERYTHING.] ated for a moment by the entrance of Lee’s sister-in-law, looking lovelier than I had ever seen her before, a little pale perhaps, however, and her, silky eyelashes heavy with what 1 could almost have fancied re cent tears, were it not that she seemed in extravagantly gay spirits. .The soft flush es of color came and went like pink shad ows across her cheeks, and her carol lips were dimpled with the brightest of smiles, yet all the time I could not divest myself of the .odd impression that she was ready to melt into an April shower of tears at any moment. She lightly tendered me her congratula tions upon the approaching ‘happy event,’ holding out a small snowy hand loaded with sparkling rings, as she did so. “You speak in riddles, Miss Nettie.” “Don’t pretend that you have not the key to them,” she said, a little tremu lously. “I cannot comprehend what you mean,” answered I, sturdily. She said no more, but sat quietly down, shading her eyes with her hand, as though the lire dazzled them. Mrs. Worcester, jiowever, still pursued the obnoxious sub ject, “Then how do you explain the wedding cake at D’Artier’s f ” “Is that the only testimony upon which I am tried and convicted of a wilful in tention of matrimony ?” “That is all; we are i“eady to hear your defence.” “Well that unlucky mass of white su gar and dyspepsia was for my brother’s wedding ceremonies, a hundred miles away. 1 assure you it had not the least connection with my matrimonial fortunes;” Nettie looked upi with rare brilliance under her long lashes, and an almost in voluntary smile wreathed her lips. I took heart of hope and went bravely on, cheer ed by a sudden inspiratiou. “But I will purchase a bride cake twice as large, for my own wedding, if Nettie will consent to be the bride!” There —I had done it, and in less than five minutes was an accepted lover, look ing boldly in the Wondrous liquid depths of those brown beautiful eyes. A new sensation—but agreeable, very. “And now, Tracy,” said Maiy, mis chievously, “I’ll tell you a secret: the rea son Nettie cried half the afternoon; and become so low spirited this evening, was that—’ “Mary!” remonstrated Nettie, with cheeks ablaze. “That she heard you were buying a wedding-cake!” pursued Mary, putting away the white fingers with which Nettie vainly strove to fetter her ftll tale lips. “I’ll order another one to-morrow,” said I, meditatively. “Ah, I shouldn’t have repined so much at Tom’s commis sion had I known what a sweet little wife it would bring me!” “Don’t, Tracy!” said Nettie, hiding her face on my shoulder. And then Tom wrote to know why on earth ! didn’t come to his hymenial ceremo nies. I wrote back that I was obliged to stay and attend a wedding of my own! And such a wedding-cake as graced the centre of our banqueting board! It’s no use trying to describe its frosted splendors, but if any of my readers seriously contem plate getting married, I’ll send them the recipe. “You Fights Mix Sigel, You Duinks Mix Me.” —A soldier, with his arm in a sling, on Monday morning, went into Bergner’s beer saloon, under the Post Office, to refresh himself with lager beer. The sight of his wounded limb very natural ly interested the crowd that was present. A conversation ensued, in which the wound ed man, in response to inquires, modestly stated that he had fought under Sigel in Missouri. At the name of Sigel a little German in the corner of the room rose to his feet. He rah up to the wounded man just as he raised his lager to his lips. ‘You fights mit Sigelj’ said he, “you drinks mitme.” The woundedjsolclier was slightly taken back at the abruptness of the remark, when the Teuton embraced him, actually kissing his cheek as a man would kiss the cheek of a girl. “Mein Cot,” said he, “no man what fights mit Sigel pays for beer when I jsh by—no, sir.” The resuli further Was that after the soldier had slaked his thirst, the German went out with him, prof fering to him anything he might desire. The affection felt for Sigel by the Ger man population of this city is very great. We see it illustrated nearly every day.-r- Phil. U. S. Gut. Car Beecher says “the devil does not tap us twice alike. .If yesterday he came through vunity, to-day he will come thro’ pride. If to-day he comes on one side to morrow he will coine on the other. And we are always watching at the hole he came in last,, while he is coming in at another. We arc guarding an empty hole, while he is digging a new one.” 0“ ‘Papa, why don’t they give the tele graph a dose of gin? ‘Why my child 1 ‘Cause the papers say that they are out of order, and mamma always takes gin when she is out of Order.’ HOW “BUT” DOSED HIB DOG. When I wer a boy, and my legs not longer than John Westworth’s, dad fetched home a durned. worthless, mangy, flea* bitten, gray, old fox houn’, good for noth*, ing but to swaller ub what orter lined the bowels ov ns brats. Well, I; naturally tuck a distaste to him, an had a sort of honkerin arter hurtin his feelings and discumfiirtin ov him eveiy time dad’s back was turned. This sorter kept; a big skeer alters afore his eyes and a orfut yell ready to pour out the fust moshun lie seed me make. : So he larnt to swaller things as he run, and alters kept his laigs'well under himself, for he never knowed bow soon he must want tu use em in totin bis infumal care us beyon the reach ova dying rock. He knowed the whiz of a rock in moshun well, and he never stored tu see who flung it, butjist let. head fly a howl room tu cum, and sat his laigs a gwine the way his nose happened tu Ibe pintin. He’d shy round every rock he Speed in the road, for he looked upon it as h calamity tu cum arter him sum day. 1 1 tell you, Georgy, that runin am the greatest inven shun on yearth, when used keerfully.— Whor’d I a bin by this time, ef I hadn’t relyed on these ere laigs? D’ye see em ? Don’t they mind you ov a par oV com pusses made to divide a mite inter ; quarters ? They’ll do. , Well, one day, I tuck a pig’s bladder, ni onto the size ov a duck’s aig, and filled it with powder and corked it up vjfith apiece ov spunk, rolled it up in a thin skulp of meat and sot the spunk afire, and flung it out; he swallered it at a jerk, and sot intu gittin away for doing it. 1 hefted a noise like bust in, and his tail lit a top ov my hat. His hed wer way down the hill and hed tuck a deth hold onter a root. His forelegs wer fifty feet up the road a makin runnin nioshuns, and his hine ones a straddle ov the fence. Es tu the dog his self, as a dog, I never seed him agin. Well, dad, dum his onsanctified soul, flung five or six hundred under my shurt with the dried skin ov a bull’s tail, and , gin ine the re mainder next day with a waggin whip what he borrowed from a feller while he wur a waterin’ his bosses; the wagoner got sorry fur me, and hollered to me tii.turn my beggiu and squallin inter fustrate runnin, which I emejutly ded and the last lick missed me about ten feet. PUZZLING A YANKEE. Americans sere an inquisitive people, yet from the very necessity whijeh this en genders, there is no person better under stands the art of parrying and baffling in quisitiveness in another, than the Yankee. We were quite amused recently*by an ac count given by a city friend of a colloquy .which came off in a country village through which he was traveling, between himself and one of the natives, who' manifested an itching curiosity to pry into his affairs. ‘How do you do V exclaimed 1 ;the latter, hustling up to him as he alighted fora few moments at a - hotel. ‘Reckon I’ve seen you afore now V ‘Oh yes,’ was the answer, ‘no doubt—l have been there often in my life.’ ‘S’pose you’re going to— —-, (expect in the name of the place to be supplied.) ‘Just so—l go there regularly once a year-’ ■■ ‘And you’ve come from—, ‘Exactly sir—you’re exactly right— that’s my place of residence.’ ■! ‘Really; now, dew tell—l ’spbse you’re a lawyer, or may be a trader, or perhaps some other perfeshunor calling V '*■ ‘Yes I haVe always pursued; some one of these professions.’ ; ‘Got business in the country,; eh f ’ ‘Yes, l am at this time engaged in travel ing.’ ‘I see by your trunk that yoji are from Boston. Anything stirring in Boston V ‘Yes —inen, women, horses and car iages, and a furious northeaster.’] ‘You don’t say so ? Well, j declare, now you are a tarnal cute. What do you think they will do with Sims V ‘Why it is my opinion that they will eith er deliver him up to the claimant, or let him go free.’ i | ‘You’ve had a monstrous right of rain in Boston —did an awful right pf damage 1 suppose.’ ‘Yes it I wet all the buildings,! and made the streets very damp—very dafl .p indeed.’ ‘Didn’told Pannilget a soaking?’ ‘No. They hauled it on the Common, under the Liberty tree.’ i. ‘You are a circus chap I guess, you are 1 kinder foolin. Pray Mister, if its a civil question, what might your name be V . ‘ It might be-Smith or Brown, but it is not by a long shot. The fact*' is sir, I never had a name. When I wife born, my mother was so busy that she forgot to name me, and Boon after I wais swapped I away by mistake for another boy, and am I now just applying to the Legji lature for > a name. When I get it I will send you my card. Good morning sir.’ % And so saying the speaker jumped into the carriage and drove off,. rawing the : Paul Pry of the place scratchftig his head !in bewilderment, and apparently in more perplexity than ere he had commenced ins catechising*. ! | EDITORS AND PROPRIETORS. A SMOOTH SKDHL Dan says that a year ago or two he hap pened to have in his employ a couple ot “broths of boys,” who like all the jolly “onld Ireland,” liked “a bit of a taste of. something” comsutnedly wellt and often ; indulged in it to his grierons aanojyance, ■ for of course they usually chose the most inopportune moment to get“cordialled.” On one occasion, in her husband’s ab sence, Mrs. Dan noticed that Pat and Mike had procured a supply of the “crayther,” and stowed the jug that contained it upon * deserted shelf in the chimney corner. , Woman, you know—God ; bless ’em nevertheless—hardly like us of the sterner sea to “liquidate,” and with her sisters .proverbial, and with her. aversion of the “red eye,” my Mend’s wife took advantage of the dog’s attendance -to their “ chores,”' and abstracting their jug, substituted in its stead one exactly similar in appearance, outwardly so, but not in its “inards.” At night the boys bunked in upon the kitchen floor, and Mr. D. and his'lady retired to -their room, the door of which opened into the kitchen, where they could have a view from their bed of what might transpire between the “bogtrotters.” When Mike had given what fan supposed was ample time for the << boss” to go to sleep, he *‘hunched” his neighbor, saying: “Arrah, Pat! let’s have a drap.” “Begorry, so say I, Mike; it’s as dry as a chip I am, entirely, this blessed night.” Up both sprang, and Pat reaching the jug, took it down from it’s perch, and in full view of Mr. D. and his wife, who were watching the “motions” took a “swig.” But the expression of his face was anything but a favorable comment, upon the contents. Mike noticed the con tortion, and exclaimed: “Pat, what thedefll are yon maltin’ rich a bad look over the whiskey for I” “Faith, Mike,” replied his companion, recovering himself, “it was no bad look at all, I was after making. I was only think ing what a smooth drink it was, sure.” “Hand over here,” cried Mike impa tiently, and applying it to his lips, he took a generous draught. , “ Blurenages ! ” he roared for the door, where Pat followed him, and the noise of their efforts at “heaving Jonah,” made the night hideous. ‘ ‘My friend and his partner thought they would crack their sides in bed, laughing over the affair; and next morning be went to the jug and shook it, but it was badly depleted. . “Mike,” he cried, addressing one of two sickly looking Irishmen as ever complained “what on earth has became of all the lin seed oil! ” “Linseed ile, is it, sir?” exclaimed Pat, with an air as though something had cleared up a great mystery to him. “Yes, I want some to oil the harness, and I see it’s almost gone.” ■ " - The poor fellow only muttered—“ Li nseed ile, it was sure, had luck to it then; it went down mighty smooth.” This was mosttoo much for my friend, as be overheard this observation, and he •tad to give vent to pent-up laughter, at which Pat “vamosed,” but in such high dudgeon, that the mention of a “smooth drink” wakes up the shillelagh in li«y whenever one hazards to hint at it. A Talented Son.—The son of a wor thy deaeon, whose father was away from "home, undertook to say the family prayers, or rather the prayer he had been accustomed to hear repeated every evening Since the days of his boyhood. ■He commenced aright and for a time got on swimmingly , quite astonishing his mother, who had no idea she bad so talented a son. At last, when he was in the midst of his invoca tion, bis memory forsook him and he re peated the first part several times till at length the patience of the good dame was thoroughly exhausted. ‘Joe,’ she whispered, “Joe do get through some time.” “I would mother,” replied the poor boy, “but 1 don’t know howto wind the darned thing up.” o*ou> Abe’s Last.— One day while Carl Schnrz was awfully boaring Old Abe for a foreign embassy, he asked where he was originally from. “ lam an Amsterdam Dutchman,” said Carl. “ Well,” said old Abe with one of his usual sallies, “Mr. Schnrz, what is die difference between aa Amsterdam Dutch man and any other dam Dutchman!” O* Halloa! my little man,” said a gentle man from a window in the second stray of his country mansion, to a little urchin passing by who was gazing with much ap* parent wonder, “I guess you think there is a little heaven up here, don’t you buhl” “Well, yes sir, I should if I hadh’i seen the devil stick bis head ont of the wipdow 1” fyTell me, ye angelic hosts, ye messen gers ot lore, shallswindled printers here 'bdow have no redress above f r The shining angel braid replied ; “To us is knoweidge given ; delinqiMßta on the printer's boohs can never enter heaven!” -#■ ■V?- 1 ,1 •' \- NO, 32.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers