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ND BAKERY 1
SIGNED ANNGGN
af Altoona and tlcloitj that l»
iOToicOe of
OX ARIES, NUTS, SPICES
exprenljr for the IlaUdan.
•> on hand a good atookof njain
n manufactory.
NIKS, KAISINS, AC,
wd» of the yew.
;ar, Molasses, Batter,
'ITS WBSATSLOUS.
iUR, CORN HEAL, AC.
le ill l»ttK or small qaaUtiM.
i my *hick und jrotl will fintl
ijr in to«n.
- JACOB WISE.
QUESTION WHICH
ipid of erez7
■il>eirt article br nM
Hr matters, the .
to direct, but If yoa^^K
SHOES .
Etkm of his Block tn<t work,
twf aAMeortment ofßoata>Stfu)
nbbooffuv at fair price*,
tteutkm to custom work,tilo
» give wtfehction. Nood>sttfa
Virginia itreet, inupediatel
JOHN H. ROBERTS.
'TINGER’S
\m& Agency,
r. .7 1 MAIN STREET.
S. BLANK BOOKS,
jonfectionajoes
<; TOBACCO,
IK GjtEAT VARIETY
IliY ON BjUH>. a
OLICE GAZETTE
•I of Crtnw «nd te »
• wMdy circulated ttrw*hu»‘
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McCBUM & DER&,
VOL. T.
the altooha tribuhe..
„^ RU „ H. C. DKRN,
, : n. McCR **» paorauioxi.
unable inrarUbly in adTxnce,) $1,50.
«t the expiration of the timo
[..id (or
tbuis or *»▼!»««*«. .J
1 Insertion i v do. o do*
Foorlio'. "'.*/ » $ $ 1 00
} * Hr*! -I\oo 160 2 Op
T*o " „ < 1 50 2 30 2 60
Tl ;;, e : r three,three month., 26 cents
I- for e “ U ‘“"“"a month.. 6 month,. 1 yenri
...» 1 50 $ 3 00 t 6 00
2 60 4 00 7-00
4 00 6 00 WOO:
5 DO 8 Op 12
6 00 10 00 14 00
Six liow.or leu
Oue square
Two **
Three ••••••
Pour ‘ 10 00 14 00 20 00
Half a column ™ 2 5 00 «00
Z n uX 1 75
Merchants advertUlng by tbe year, three eqna
5 00
Hues with W"- f^ r7 s‘ t i r c .i-. jaracterorindividiial ini
C o ? mnn.c. ion B „teß
'SSexaesxaauaxaq.
•gaß3eitaaagfeJ
BALTIMORE LOCK HOSPITAL
as a KisrcaE from Quackery.
”The Only Place Where a Lure Can
be Obtained.
EVB. JOHNSON has discovered thq
I moBt CerUin, Speedy ud only Effectual Kemedy in
_u for all Private Diseases, Weakness of tbe Back
“u3£ SriSSi. Affections of the Kidneys and W
iier Involuntary Discharges, Impotency, General Debility,
v Jv-nnßne«« Dysoensy. Languor. Low Spirits. Confusion
t/Ideas. Palpitation of the Tremblings,
tiimness of Sight or Giddiness. Disease of tbe Head,
rSt, Nose or^Skin, Affections of tbe Liver, Langs, 8 tonlf
Bowels-thoae Terrible disorders arising from tbo
Solitary Habits ofYouth-tbose BECtti and solitary prac
iiccs more fatal to their victims than the song of syrens to
Ilf Mariners of Ulysses, blighting their most brillian t
hopes or anticipations, rendering mnrnage, 4c., impoasi
i:
YOUNG MEN
Kineciallv who have become the victims of Solitary Vice,
that dreadful and destuctive habit which annually sweep,
lean untimely grave thousanda of Young Men of the most
eihalted talents and brilliant intellect, who might other
wise hate entranced listening Senates with the thunders
of eloquence, or waked to ectasy the living lyre, may call
witk foil coufidence,
MARRIAGE
Married Persona, or Young Men cotemplatlng marriage,
being aware of physical weakness, organic debility, defor
mity, kc* speedily cured. _
He who places himself under the care of Dr. J. may re-
Ugiunrty conflds in hia honor as a gentleman, and confi
dently rely upon hia skill a« a physician.
ORGANIC WEAKNESS
Immediately Cured, and fuli;-yigor Restored.
This Distressing Affection—which renders Life miserable
and marriage impossible—is the penalty paid by the
victims oT improper indulgences. Young persons are to
apt to commit excesses from not' being awate of the dread
ful consequences that may ensue. Now. who that under
stands the subject will pretend to deny that the power of
procreation is lost sooner by those falling into improper
habits than by the prudent? \ Besides being deprived the
pleasures of healthy offspring, the most serious ,and de
structive- symptoms to both body and mind arise. The
system becomes Deranged, the Physical and Mental Func
tions Weakened,-Loss of Procreative Power, Nervous Irri
tability, Dyspepsia, Palpitation of the Heart, Indigestion,
Constitutional Debility, a Wasting of the Frame, Cough,
Consumption, Decay and Death.
OFFICE. NO. 7 SOUTH FREDERICK STREET,
Left hand aide going from Baltimore street, a few doors
from the corner. Fail not to observe name and number. ;
Letters must be paid and contain a stamp. The Doc
tor's Diplomas hang in bis office.
A CURE WARRANTED IN TWO DAYS.
Mo Mercury or Muttons Drugs.
DR. JOHNSON.
Member of the Royal College of Surgeons, London, Grad
uate from one of the most eminent Colleges In the Doited
States, and the greater part of whose life has'been spent in
the hospitals of London, Paris, Philadelphia and else
where, has effected some of the most astonishing cures
that were ever known; many troubled with ringing iu the
bead sod ears when asleep, great nervousness, being
alarmed at sudden sounds, ba&hfuloess, with frequent
blushing, attended sometimes with derangement of mind,
were cored immediately. .
TAKE PARTICULAR NOTICE
Dr. J. addressee all thoee who have injured themselves
by improper indulgence and solitary habits, which ruin '
both body and mind, unfitting them for either business,
study, society or marriage. '
Thus are some of the sad and. melancholy effects pro
duced by early habits of youth, via: Weakness of the
Back and Limbs, Pains in the Head, Dimness of Sight,
Loss of Muscular. Power, of the Heart, Dys
pepay, Nervous Irritability, Derangement of the Diges
tive Functions, General Debility, Symptoms of Consnmp
tlon, Ac.
MnrvALLT.—The fearful effects of the mind are much; to
be dreadedr-Loss of Memory, Confosion of Ideas, De
pression of spirits, Bril-Forebodlngs, Aversion to
Self-Distrust, Love of Solitude, Timidity, Ac., are some of
the evils produced.
Tsocsaima of persons of all ages can now judge what is
the cause of their declining health, losing their vigor, be
coming weak, pale, nertous and emaciated, having a sin
gular appearance about the eyes, cough and symptoms of
consumption
YOUNC MEN
Who have injured themselves by a certain practice in
dulged in when alone, a habit frequently learned from
evil companion*, or at school, the effects of which are
nightly felt, even when asleep, and if not cured renders
marriage imposible, and destroy* both mind and body,
should apply immediately.
What a pity that a young man, the hope of his country,
the darling of hi* parents, should be snatched from all
prosiiects and enjoyments of life, by the consequence of
deviating- from the path of nature, and Indulging In a
certain secret habit. Such persons veer, before contem
plating
MARRIAGE,
reflect that a sound mind aoHUf are the most necessary
requisites to promote connubmhappineas. Indeed, with
out these, the Journey through life becomes a wearypU
gtimage; the prospect hourly darkens to the view;:the
mind becomes shadowed with despair and filled with -the
melancholy reflection that the-happiness of another be
comes blighted with our own.
' i DISEASE‘OF IMPRUDENCE.
When the misguided and Imprudent votary of pleasure
finds that he has imbibed the seeds of this palatal; dis
ease, it too often happens that an ill-timed sense of shame,
or dread of discover deters him from applying to those
*bo, from education and respectability, can alone be
■ friend him, delaying till the constitutional symptoms of
this horrid disease make their appearance, such as ulcera
ted sore throat, diseased nose, nocturnal pain s in the head
and limbs, dimness of sight, deafness, nodes on the shin
bones and arms, blotches on (he head, face and extremi
ties,-progressing with frightful-rapidity, till at last the
palate of the mouth or the 'bones of the nose fall in, and
the victim of this awtal disease becomes a horrid object of
commiseration, till death puts a period to his dreadful
s affcriogt, bj sending him to <( that Undiscovered Country
frwn whence no travenefreturna.”
It is a m tlanchdy /act that thousands fall victimr to
thh terrible disease, owing to the unskillfuluess' of Igpo
pretenders, Who. by the use of that Deadly /bijdn,
ifercury, ruin the constitution and make the residue of
life miserable,
STRANGERS
Trust not your lives, or health to the care of the many
unearned and Worthless Mfttendera. destitute of knowl-
J?&*j same or character, wno copy Dr. Johnston's advor
op style themselves, in the newspapers, regu
lariy Educated Physicians, incapable of Curing, they keep
yon trifling month after month, taking their filthy and
poisonous compounds, or as long as the smallest fee can
♦ and In despair, leave 7 you with ruined health
n T o * e^ fr onr^^HD s^ tt i , P ointment •
"*• Johnston U the only Physician advertising.
~*‘ s credential or diplomas always hang in his office,
remedies or.treatment are unknown to all others,
tS» &r^l fro , m 4 spent in the great hospitals of Europe,
*i Tt 0 country and a more extensive Private JFVao
oc« than any other Physician in the world.
INDORSEMENT OF‘THE PRESS.
lie hoot tboomuU cared at this limitation. year after
Wind the namerouß important Surgical operations
to JoWon, witne-wed by the reporter, of the
-vS* a clipper, ’ end many other papers, notices of
Wisu. b f,’'JJ pp 2!* d ®«* ln snd »B»ln before the public,
“ » of character and re
'Ponslblllty, It a anfflclent guarantee to the afflicted.
p.J£ ,N JI. ,B L As .I? speedily cured.
, Tr 1 *!?* <*onld be particolar in directing their
rttera to thia Xnatitutfon, id the ibDowing manner * ■
M. JOHNSTON. M. oJ
Of the Baltimore Lock H«pit«l, Marylwid.
iter
ACELDAMA.
BY GEORGE ALBERT TO WMSEND.
Thegenios of our Empire looked, on© oood,
Where, flushed with sunset, sparkled peek end see,
Hirer, and plain, and forest, all atuoe—
Throbbing and thrilling in eack artery—-
Gaunt cataracts, impatient to he free.
Great lakes, like oceans, that lay; prone and seething*
And wildnesses, where the storms were breathing,
And cliffs, whose arms reach where the heavens be.
“This power and populous nets,” murmured she,
“ Must bo historic, and the new baptism
Of war descend upon it; feud and schism 4
Shall override thetM? valleys, down these hills
Blood dig new channels for its smokin&rnis
And the blue sky grow hazy, where the slain
Jblo, cursing in the bitterness of pain.
These livers, that gp sluggish to the main,
Bearing upon their bosoms kine and grain,
Shall float leviathans, whose frowning porta
Will speak in thunder to a hundred forte.
And hurrying from their sleepy tillages,
The yeomanry shall rally in these villages,
And hear a music that they never knew—
The shrilly fifiTthat throbbed atjAgincpnrt
And thrilled the thousands on the field of Tours, (
The deathless drum that beat at Waterloo!
My empire shall not bn a tame array
Of i altry towns and peaceful downs and mqcrs,
Where, through the loitering summer, clowns and boors
Go slow a-fiald to sickle in the hay—
A valorous race, whose fame will reach away,
To shame of older clans and climes the glory,
Shall make a grand and monumental story,
To be remembered till the world;grows gray !
Pilgrims shall hither through the ages stray,
To mark the sites where hordes fell rash and fated,
Xo land u great till red and consecrated /”
Forthwith she strewed her dragon teeth adowu
The Carolinian ln a trice
Armed men sprang j up amid the corn and rice,
And seized on fortress, arsenal, and town ;
She scattered them, where vigorous and brown,
The Texan marked his spotted cattle graze,
And by the light .of villages ablaze.
Mustered a thousand bayonets and sabres;
And where the negro in the cotton-grove*
Sat 4own at eve to eat his yellow loaves.
The Alabaimlan rouaai bis sons and neighbors;
The Georgian hills were black. . Oh! fate, not reason—
Lousionafaltered in obedience;
And wavering fora moment in*allegiance.
The old Dominion rushed into the treason.
An awful pause? Half terror,'half in wonder,
The moon glared blue! the very ocean lay
Dumb and in dread; the grave-clothes stirred their clay;
Then broke from Charleston bay tbe first deep peal of
thunder!
Oh! Massachusetts, hallowed- be for aye.
Thy sturdy heart that never throbbed in vain!
And bo the forests and the streams of Maine
Blessed for ever! terrible and gaunt
The Mountaneen of Hampshtreand Vermont
Poured from their eyries, half Way in the sky,
Down where Long Island Sound-lifts up Its calm blue eye.
The empires York and Penn were all aflame;
There was no hamlet where the dram beat not ' -
No fireside, bat desperate and hot,
Some sou or father frit the glow of shame,
And buckled on bis sword and breathed his mother's name.
The prairies rang—Ohio raised her hand
With Illinois, to wipe away the guilt; '
The sword should drip in carnage to the hilt,
And every roof-thatch be a btacon brand.
At each lowa hearth stood sterp a mailed man—
Young Kansas knelt in wrath, and. swore with Michigan!
A wall of flame blazed up the border-line;
A thousand camp-fires lit the midnight sky;
The white tents glistened ip the trampled rye;
An armed man replaced each ash and pine.
The trooper rode where ersi had grazed bis kine;
The barley-blades grew up to bayonets;
A navy tore the frightened fisher’s nets;
A crusade swarmed across each mount and moor,
Their fane to rescue by Potomac’s shore;
The first great hearts beat out at Baltimore.
Oh 1 too rash, oh! treason too profound;
Oh! freble king, oh 1 keen and subtle Warwick:
Oh! quiet plains that blood has made historic;
Oh! simple hearts that valor has renewed;
Oh! carnivals where vulture gorged with hound;
Oh! martyrdoms where yet the relics bleash;
Oh! agonies that words can upver reach;
Oh! heroisms that must ever thrill:
Tbo brook is red that flows by Centreyille;
The Leesburgh bluffs are ghostly in the dun,
Arthousand spectres stalk by Arlington; >
The Arts are lurid on the haunted Wl,
Where Lyon’s lordly, name brings tears and terrors still.
How right! bow treason flashed and vaunted!
We had no country and the slave no bopel
Where slept the sword that in the erst could cope
With grander tyrannies, whofe banners flaunted .
Over the Empires where its Chieftains led!
A deep reply came up from Hilton Head;
From stormy Batteras the answer broke.
And echoed down the strapd of Boanoke,
And broke in thunder on the
And vengeance trembled on the Ups of law.
Where Tennessee raised her pngyved hand.
And Siegel broke the chains qf Arkanssw! •
We have made history! ourselves have done it,
And begged no help from Emperors and Peers;
Thrown our own gauntlet down, and won it,
Called from our own sweet valea these volunteers,
And fed them with our golden sheaves and ears.
The rills obscure, that sang the livelong year.
So lonesomely that none were known to hear;
The mill-roads, where choked up the tracks,
And stopped the ox-cart; add the patch of pines.
Where never within rang the axe,
But ever through the seasons brays and whines
The gust, that stirs the reed-{ops in the fens;
The hidden-cottages in glens;
The sleepy cross-road, whejetho sign-post gleams,
And boors beside the well-trough rein their teams;
The village, only known In county mapifc, ,
Where never a murderhsppened through the ages.
And twice a week the malls dome down in stages,
And life was a succession of short naps:
These have been made world-famous!. .Populaces
Shall visit them fopayo, as storied places:
The Czar shall mention them upon his throne,
And seamen, that keepwatehes of cold nights,
Couple them with long inarches and great fights;
The antiquary treasure bits of bone
Picked up, at ploughing, by tome'grinding clown,
Who quoth: “ How great graveyardto 90 small a town I”
Hereafter Come romances, pt our themes
Are prouder than the Tirana or the Gahls.
We have our Davids, Jonathans, and Sauls,
Whose deeds vriU coveriolfoi! and reams.
Where every dusty tail-tor Screams ami steams.
Look out on battle-pUina apd monuments.
ALTOONA, PA., THURSDAY, MAY 8, 1862.
And any dimes nod pence.
Keep for the urchin's hat yon stumble over
His grandsire fought at Pittsburg and at Dover!
Not yet, my the thousands still contending
Forbid the hope that half the world confesses:
The Eagle stralos and gnaws his yielding Jessies:
A moment more—he shall be heavenward wending, ' '
And all our stars In the same azure blending.
Break, (hen, these sabres, strike the iron mall
From every hnU,and let these bristling marts
Be gentle havens for the gentler arts.
Where commerce sleeps beneath each whitening sail,
And labor walks with love In every vule
Where gleam tbeSe tents, let patient herds go lowing,
And ood on every slope their golden fleece:
Subdue the storms so long and rnthly blowing.
And usher iu the day of perfect peace!
HOW JACK PHILLIPS RECOVERED
THE MULE FROM THE SECESH,
BY CAPTAIN JKRE WILLIAMS.
If the stories of incidents and adven
tures current in any of the numerous camps
in the neighborhood of seceshdom, could
be collected in book form they would make
a very readable work. I may send you a
string of such as are afloat in our region,
atsome future time ; at present, I will re
late one which came to my knowledge a
few days since.
Squire Bailey had the biggest and best,
and most docile mule in Marlin’s Bottom,
and Marlin’s Bottom is about the biggest
and best neighborhood on Greenbrier riv
er. Squire Bailey was inclined to be a
good Union man, and did Mfc entirely con
ceal his sentiments, notvmhstandiug the
presence of Floyd’s army in the vicinity.
About the time of Floyd’s “tumultuous
flight” from that region, he was very much
in need, of transportation, and according to
established usages among secesh, he pro
ceeded to levy upon the teams of the
neighboring farmers. Of course a Union
man, like Squire Bailey, was not to es
cape; but Squire Bailey, taking time by
the forelock, very quietly, one night, re
moved to a safe locality all his live stock,
except his favorite mule, which he kept
for hauling wood and going to mill. This
mule being apparently the only support of
a large and increasing family, Squire Bai
ley fondly believed the Secesh would not
be heartless enough to rob him of it.
But Squire Bailey did not understand
Secesh. r One fine morning along came
Quartermaster Blifie, accompanied- by half
a dozen armed men form Floyd’s army.—
Squire Bailey was standing at his gate
when Quartermaster Blifie approached, and
commenced a conversation with him.
“ Good morning Mr.—a—Mr. —■”
“Bailey,” suggested the Squire.
“Yes, Bailey; good morning, Mr. Bai-
lev.”
“ Hornin’ ”, said the! squire.
“I understand, Mr. Bailey, that you
have a number of horses and mules which
you wish to dispose of to our glorious Con
federacy.”
“ Mistake, .sir,” said Bailey: “ I have
none to sejl anybody.”
“But, Mr. Bailey, some gentlemen in
formed me yesterday, that you had quite a
number of horses and mules.”
“If you’ll believe your eyes, instead of
‘some gentlemen,’ Mr. Quartermaster, you
cansee.fyr yourself that I have nothin’
but that inule, in the log pen there, and
that I can’t possibly keep house" without.”
N “ Ah! I see the mule,” said Blifie, look
ing through the cracks. “ You’d be ask
ing fifty dollars for that mule, I s’pose.—
Well, it’s a big price, but if you won’t take
less, I’U have to give it. Corporal, just
write a note for fifty dollars, payable in
Florida swamp lands, at twenty-five dol
lars an acre, i two years after our glorious
Confederacy achieves undisputed indepen
dence.” ;
“ But, iMp.-' Blifie,” remonstrated the
Squire, “if you take my mule my family
will freeze to; death, and starve to death,
too, afore spring. And if I had twenty
mules I could not sell you one such-as that
for less norithree hundred in gold, but this
one I can’t spare at no price.”
“ We must all make sacrifices, Mr. Bai
ley, for our glorious Confederacy. If you
only knew the sacrifices I have made, M*.
Bailey. The starving and freezing of your
wife and children are nothing compared
to them ; but our glorious Confederacy
called, and my patriotism responded to the
call. Future generations will remember
and bless us, Mr. Bailey, and we will re
ceive the everjlasting gratitude of our glo
rious Confederacy. Think of that', Mr.
Bailey—-think of that.”
Mr. Blifie, jbefore Ms appointment, had
been utterly ipenniless, and ten times as
mean as he |was poor. These qualifica
tions got him | the appointment of quarter
master ; out of this office he was stealing
a fortune. |
“Mr. Blifie,” said the Squire, with
much feeling, " for the Lord’s sake don’t
take my last I earthly support. Don’t you
see my children are all a cryin’ and carry
in’ on, because they know they’ll all be
in their graves afore sping if you robe me
' °f4-” . ;
I “Rob! exclaimed Mr. Blifie, fiercely. “And did they give him chloroform to
; “Don’t say ‘rob’ again, or I I'll massacre get the collar on him *?” asked Blifie.
your whole nest of traitors. It’s because “No,” replied Jack. “They put some
; you’re an enemy to our glorious Confedera- | oat? in "the bottom.of a barrel, and laid
!cy that you are unwilling to sell the mule 1 the collar across the top; the mule ran
fINDEPENDENT IN EVERYTHING. J
at a fair price. I oughtn’t to pay such as
you a cent, but I’m a generous man and
you ought to be thankful to me. Corpo
ral filLup the note as I directed.”
“ Hold on a s minit,” said the Squire.—
“ If that paper is what you are going to
give me, don’t spile it by writing on it.—
The blank paper might be of a little use
to me, but the writin’ on it never could - ”
- “ You’re a cursed traitor to our glorious
Confederacy,” said Blifie, and he started to
take the mule out of the pen. It was
hitched with a halter, and had a broad
circingle around it. He unfastened it, and
without deigning another word to the
“ enemy of his glorious Confederacy,” he
was off with it to seek another fanner’s
stable.
Squire Bailey looked vexed, and as he
turned to go in |the house, and iii the bit
terness of his feelings; so fur forgot himself
as to “ d n the glorious, confederacy.”
Snugly concealed ill Squire Bailey’s
closet, was Jaek Phillips, the up-to-every
thing Ohio scout. As the Squire entered
the room, he called out, “ Come out, Jack,
they’re gone, and the infernal scoundrels
have stolen my mule.”
“I told you they would,” said Jack,
making his appearance; “ and if I hadn’t
informed you last night, they’d a got all
the rest of them that you sent off.”
“That’s so, Jack ; and I’d give a hun
dred dollars to have that mule back.”
Jack looked steadily at the fire for five
minutes.
“ What did you say, Squire ?”
“ 1 said I’d give a hundred dollars to
get that mule back, but I suppose three
hundred wouldn’t get him.”
“I don’t know,” said Jack, abstractly,
and he looked in the fire for five minutes
more. Suddenly Jack brightened up and
said:
“ Give me the hundred dollars, Squire,
and I’ll bring your mule to-morrow night,
or your money shall be returned.”
The Squire looked amused at Jack for
a moment, but seeing he was in earnest,
put five double eagles in. his band. In a
few minutes Jack left the house, dressed
in linsey pants, a red warmus and a coon
skin cap.
Next day as Jack was walking leisurely
up the road, by a coincidence, probably
brought about by himself, he met the quar
termaster and lus men, returning with the
proceeds of the expedition* Jack smiled a
happy smile when he saw Blifie behind the
rest, leading the Squire’s mule. He walked
quietly along until he came almost oppo
site the quartermaster, when he darted sud
denly off the side of the road, looking at
the mule as if frightened.
“ Blasted scoundrel,” exclaimed Jack.
“Who! who is a blasted scoundrel?”
asked the quartermaster.
“ Ain’t that the mule old Bailey had?”
asked Jack, moving still further out of his
reach.
“Yes; but who did you say was a
blasted scoundrel?” inquired the quarter
master, very naturally taking all such com
pliments to himself.
“ Why, old Bailey, and the mule, too,
for that matter,” replied Jack.
“What’s the matter ■with the mule?”
asked Blifie, whose former occupation had
not made him much of a judge of live
stock.
“The matter! Why, he’ll kill you
afore you git him home. You didn’t pay
the old sinner anything for him, did you ?’’
inquired Jack.
“Certainly; I paid two hundred and
fifty dollars for him.” This is what the
sacrificing patriot intended to return him
at to his glorious Confederacy.
“ Lord a mercy!’’ exclaimed Jack.
“But jvhat’s the matter with him?”
asked Blgjfie, looking at the animal half
frightened.
“That ’ere mule in his time, has kicked
down every pannel of fence on old Bailey’s
place! You found him in a pen of big
logs, didn’t you ?”
“Yes—why?” inquired Blifle.
“ And them ’ere logs are fastened by big
iron bolts. It’s the only thing;that would
ever hold him. He has killed all the rest
of old Bailey’s stock, and the old rascal
has kept him on purpose to swindle some
fellow with.”
“ I heard,” said Blifie, “ that he used to
have more stock.”
“ That’s what become of it,” said Jack.
“ Didn’t the children cry, and didn’t old
Bailey whine and carry on about losing
his three hundred-dollar mule ?”
“ Yes, they did, at a great rate.”
“ I know’d it,” said Jack. “ The old
woman spanked them children, and sent
them out at the nick of time to help the
old rascal in his swindle. And to cheat
' our glorious Confederacy in that manner]
| He ought to be hung!” and Jack winked
i his off eye. (
“But if he’s so vicious,” said Blifie,
i hopefully, “how- did they get the baiter
; and cirsingle on him ?”
j “ Chloroform, sir, chloroform. I have
i actually seen that mule kick his collar
off!”
i
his head through’ the collar to get at the
oats.”: :
“ The devil!” ejaculated the
master. 1
“ Yes,” continued Jack, “and. I seed
him kick that collar off. Ever since that
he kicks e very barrel to staves that :he gets
eyes on.” ,
“But ho has seemed quiet enough since
I have been leading him,” interposed
Blifie.
“ Hey you any liquor about "you t” asked
Jack,
“ Yes, a little in my r coat pocket; why
do you ask?” {
“That’s what he follers you for, audit’s
a wonder he liain’t eat you up bddy and
breeches afore this, to get the liquor. I
know’d that mule to kick the lock off of
old Bailey’s cellar door, and go down thar
and git as drunk as a beast. Fact, sir,
That tnule can kick your hat oft', and you
on Ids back.” '
■ “ That can’t be so,” said the quarter
master, increduously.
“ Try him,” said Jack. “ I’ve jist got a
coo} hundred dollars to give you if you’ll
:ride him a rod.” '
By this time the quartermaster’s attend
ants had got out of sight, and his avari
cious soul prompted him to make ah effort
to get Jack’s gold, thinking he couldn’t be
more than thrown off anyhow.
The night before this meeting, Jack had
quietly stolen into the mule’s stable, and
carefully placed a leather dog collar j driven
full of pointed sparrow-bills, under the
mule’s cirsingle, putting a piece of light
leather between the points of the nails and
the mule’s back, so that a moderate pres
sure would force them through into the
animal’s hide.
Ignorant of this, the greedy quarter
master moved' the mule "to the batik,- and
■sprang on him just where the dog-collar
was placed. Just as he lit on the.mule,
a boulder lit on his head, and he lit sprawl
ing in the mud. The mule frantic with
the pain of the nails still sticking in his
back, sprang off the side of theroad,
knocked down a dozen pannels of fence,
and ran furiously across the field, rearing,
kicking, lying down and rolling over,
jumping up and plunging about at a terri
ble fate. .
“ I told you so,” said Jack, coolly, as the
quartermaster scrambled up, rubbing his
bruised head, and brushing at the mud on
his besmeared clothes.
“He’s worse than seven devils, ain’t
he ?” said the discomfitted quartermaster.
“ In course he is,” replied Jack. :
“ What’ll you give me for the chance of
him ?” asked the quartermaster, as he saw
another string of fence go down before the
maddened mule. ,
“ Don’t’know,” said Jack, “ the halter
might be worth a dollar or so, if I could
get close enough to shoot him before he
tears it aU to shoestrings.”
“But where’s my horse 1” asked the
quartermaster, looking around in astonish
ment;
“ Don’t know,” replied Jack; “the mule
gave him a histe with his heels jist as he
started, and haven’t seed the boss since.”
“ I wish the devil had old ”
“Hello, quartermaster!” shouted a man
in Secesh uniform, who was coming up the
road at the top of his speed; “ hello! Mr.
Quartermaster, the enemy is coming right
down on our camp, and the general wants
you immediately. Our army is Running
like aU possets, and the general wantsyou
to help save the plunder. Hurry back as
hard as you can run, or.the enemy :will be
betwixt you and your fellers.”
Blifie waited to hear no more, but broke
for his camp like a quarter-horse. . When
he arrived, and found that the story was
false, terrible was the vengeance he vowed;
but before he had time to execute his
threats, Floyd’s army was in a remote part
of the State.
It is hardly necessary to add, that the
messenger who sent the quartermaster off,
so precipitably, was an associate of Jack’s,
and that Jack had turned the quartermas
ter’s horse with his head up the road, and
by a sharp cut with a whip sent him out
of sight before Blifie recovered from his
confusion. ,
Squire Bailey got his mule again, little
the worse for Jack’s tricks, and he is as
quiet and useful an animal as there is in
all the country. The double eagles Jack
returned with the mule, taking the quarter
master’s horse as compensation for; his ser
vices.
Jack Phillips says he would like to have
an opportunity of inquiring of, the self
sacrificing patriot of the glorious Confed
eracy, whether it hurt much when the
mule kicked his hat off.
(3- Throw a piece of meat among bears
and a piece of money anjpng men, and
which will, behave the meet outrageous
the men or the bears? r
O" An eihinentphysician has discovered
that the nightmare in nine cases ouit often
I is produced by owing a bill fora newspa
per. ' ■ ■
CrYou need not tall all the truth, un
less to those who have a right to know it
aIL But let all you tell be truth.
ED3TOBS AND PROPMETOBS.
A ITEGEO FAISTAPF.
A Western correspondent of one of the
Mississippi gun boats, gives thefoUowing
account of a spicy conversation with a
philosophical darkey:
“ I noticed upon the hurricane deck to- 1
day an elderly darkle with a very philo
sophical and retrospective cast of counten
ance, squatted upon his bundle, toasting
his shins against the chimney, mid appa
rently plunged into, a state of profound
meditation. Finding upon inquiry that
he belonged to the Ninth Illinois, one of
the most gallantly behaved and heavily
losing regiments at the Fort Donelson
battle, and part of which was aboard, I
began to interrogate him upon the subject.
His phylosophy was so'much in the Fal
staffian vein that I will givejiis views in
his own words as near as my memory
serves me;—
“Were you in the fight ?”
“Had a little taste of it, sa.”
“ Stood your ground, did you?”
“ No, ea, I runs,”
“Run at the first fire, did you?”
“ Yes, sa, and would hah run soona,
hab I knowd ij war cumin.”
“ Why, that wasn’t very creditable to
your courage.”
“ Dat isn’t in my line, my
perfeshun.”
“ Well, but have you no regard for your
reputation?”
“Reputation’s nuffin to me by de side
ob life.”
“ Do you consider your life worth more
than other people’s?”
“It’s worth more to me, sa.”.
“Then you must value it very highly?”
“ Yes, sa, I does—more dan all dis wnld
more dan a million of dollars sa, for what
would dat be wuth to a man wid de bref
out ob him? Self-preserbashun am the
fust law wid me.”
“ But why should yon act upon a differ
ent rule from other men?”
“Because different men sets different
values upon dar lives—mine is not in de
market.”
“ But if you lost it, you would have the
satisfaction of knowing that yon died for
your country.”
“What satisfaction would dat be to me
when de power of feeling 'vas gone?
“Then patriotism and honor are noth
ing to you!”
“ Nuffin whatever, sa—-I regard dem as
among de vanities.”
“If our soldiers were like you, traitors
might have broken up the government
without resistance.” '
“Yes, sa, dar would hab been no help
for it. I wouldn’t pat my life in dp scale
’ginst any goberment dat eber existed, for no
gobemment could replace the loss to me.”
“Doyou think any of your company
would have missed' you if you had been
killed?” \ -
“ May be not, sa—a dead white man
ain’t much to dese sojers, let alonea dead
nigga—but I’d a missed myself, and dat
was de pint wid me.” r
It is safe to say that the dusky corpse
of that African will never darken the field
of carnage. ■ • >
The Contribution box in Caufobsia.
—Those who go around with the contri
bution boxes in California churches, plead
and argue the case at the pews as they go
along. In one instance the following di
alogue occurred:
Parson L. extended the box to Bill, and
he slowly shook his head. “Come Wil
liam, give us something,”: said the parson.
“ Can’t do it/’replied BilL
“ Why not? Is not the cause a good
one?
“Yes but I am not able to give any
thing.” - ■
. “Poh! I know better; you must give a
better reason than that.”
“ Well I owe too much money—-I must
be just before I am generous you know.”
“But William you owe Cod a larger
debt than you owe anybody else.”
That’s true, parson; but then he ain’t
pushing me like the balance of my credit
ors !”
C3*Hon. Emerson Etheridge made a
stirring speech at Nashville, Tcnn., on |be
14th of March from which the folhming
sentences were extracted. .
“ Let me tell the people of Tennessee a
plain truth; You have to live in the~Un
ion—with your negroes if you viU, with
out them if you must. The Union is
worth more than all the* secessionists and
negroes in the world.”
j“ Bather than see the Union served, 1
would to-day have slavery destroyed, and
the last slave liberated.” -v--
“The Government imU maintaiuitaiu*-
tfaority, Will you return 1 I aim
war going on forever, until the rebellion
is subdued.”
“ A benign Government ofien-.fHcim
to ajl that are misguided and deceived.—
If 70a do not accept it, and return; tpyoqc
allegiance, jour every town «3l bo ccm
verted into an arsenal, «nd
into fields of blood.” - ' '
CT Soft soap, in some Bhape,t)kiakiß •
and, I’as' 1 ’as'
put into ifihe better*
iUt
v *
'
-4 t '■&
NO. 14.
»«■■..! ■ ;<