FUND. i National iSAFEn trust’ 3 Company./ ' 1 N I). NATIONjja* ] X>MPANY^—; RULES. :ry day, and In any iMUI.Utp it In paid for money from th»«Uj. i paid back ia 00U>, irbenonv it ;otice. * • “ -uj Executors, Adm{nisfrotort_ rho desire to hare it in tplUotf ntcrest can b<> obtained: for ft. ' from depositor!) is iilTMtad in. i. Or.oCND i;e.nts, and cneh .l Charter dirocte. ! day from 9 HU 5 o'clock, nod CK 11 b o'dock in tire eTeoiag. I’lesidoiit. - ' "" Vice President. X :ctors. y~>Fjuscta ?■»»,. j /*'• Cawtbu. UkKwan. . /Joseph B. Baimx,”— ‘— Joseph Yuan, Uesrt BirpEMMOj*. S. W. Corner. orrUrd Bt*nka. . April season ’ i ThannSsrstgaed inters am] the nubile #t*i»r«li T Vcm the East wlili thfflT^!|y OF TILE KINl) i ■ . :ce. He has every yaj)fet£ia ind quality,; of mm HAtrs M A-NiEkv ti Winter Weir.--.-'- ( sndqnalities ofvlailituj H ami FLATS. to | --ythlag in this Unelsspetisi- RS! FU^IS! l aid itsodtomrst assort aunt ef las of Alt «ua, embracing ' \FI\% CUFFS, ' Is, - for Ladies and Chilton, of Uuulixcture, and of everyquaU- [-.'thing in the aboveUns,ivU] i.urchasing elsewVsMuas li* rv lowest possible pnSP* * • 1 tbo Lutheraa chureh. JESSE SMITH. .IC.—T H E 8U $. > '■n tlm cstabllshmentherstofors r uld respectfully an ‘ jm. ■ .Vjoax aud vicinity, AND RETAIL S 4 SIX) VE STORE, I I Street, between Harris* t«4 . i, whtre fiß Willkeepcpurttist i.'iit of everything InhtoUM, ■■ . oso nablo term*. : ” . SPOUgeiNG ■ also manufactures > T.eskyn Mo bo much superior: to gsl -rper-»mithibg room toWst- Land an uisorUttent ofw/ \ mptly attended Jto. i t>-‘ is respectfully solicited. "i STEPHEN WIKTBBi. A WATCf IAND ' Quarry i? a large assortment of CkW, ■ncaii, English and 8 wise giu iratcj maker*, In addition to on I.and (and made to order) »n y Silver and Silver Plated war*, s riinriit.of *uch good* M IT* Watch and Jewelry glore. , • an l these of the subscriber, ■ rally, are invited to call, and isle for their money. A»1 a» Li.-cas, goAle will be sold VSty .Sii/csAto the motto of Oil*’ X.MVIB It. BHOOMALL, i'urmerly 0. Conrad.' * 1 i:., c„r. of PMladto. Question which . fcu of every beat article far my | pr mutters, tUe _ lo direct, but if ',' sHOE3 ' ’ ■ ii of hio stock aiul xrork. >:j :ir. airfortment of ßooto,StiOJ(, i iui.ftllVr* at C»lr price*. - • :-t:ou to cuitom work, aßol pi' o eatuitaction.! JJoO«bilUh» Virginia, street, immediately . X JOHN U. ROBERTS. \ N : Grocery Sts* I ®*. CER KEEPS 0S- ready Cak«L ; &c. ON, PXiOtJH,’ ERIE’S, vv ' EOAKS and TOBACCO* OB KINTIC, fltrw.t. below Annie Street ;3tABLIBHM£KT. >NKD ANNOUNCE and vicinity that it#} b4 M SHOE SHOP ’’bote Winter s’ Till Stop, ;■ on hand a good assprtnw** manufacture. ;:’ ca to making Laditf hare of public patronage, o ier entire (satisfaction. JOHN’ SIDNEY A CO-. LICE GAZETTE <'■ Crime and Criminals,!* .I 1 * v.n.iely circulated throngb® o : I; the Groat Trial*, Crimte*> r;a’.s on thi some, together wltc iuai, not to ho found In any f.nnm; $1 for six months, t* ■- ho (should write their uV 0 ** .'.o where they reside rilaluHv 3 W. MATBELL 4 CO* lew Vorlc Police Gazette, you Xorl: City. -80,000 BALKEL6 '■■■>■ the Loudi Manufactories u; chasers. This is the cat **• < ; worth will manure an ,»er» oj> from one-third to one-htW* ' obka earlier, am!, unlike gu i- - r land. A pamphlet, with h-!i particulars, will be tent drei-S to . 1 ACTDRING CO., mth Wharree, Philadelpbl*. SALE. 60,000 LATHES, ' MATERIALS. lower tb»n the JOHN SUOEMAK*®’ UiD OILS, CAM- Carbon Oil, &£• at . \ , . - lusssusnv* i [ cCORMICK'S Store i-nt of Raady-Alada clotb|®< - Not. SMC IF ALL DESGEIP* d tor sale by . ■ J. S. % ' 2ex24,,jp0)-® - o. v.MWiaat \.‘ t VOL. 6. o a 2 g • ■ ■ ’ * I- I S B P I I « ' S e» k 03 *5 HBS 3 g gi3 § " > -g hk CO 8. ,1 , s «■' ► I S 3 h | g N • «I § - w 5 a » ■■ 2 § >2 § 3 Ci Oti * 1 INVITE ATTENTION to sonie of the Cost safraonll inacy, cures by my PECTORAL. SYRUPi They ore at home and any one who has doubts Can in* outre of the persons who have been cured by It Dr. KEYSER IS PREPARED AT ANY TIME TO EX AMINE LONGS, WITHOUT CHARGE, FOR ALLTIiOSB WHO NEED HIS MEDICINE. ATTEND TO YU.OJI COLDS.—A coseof five years stand ing cared bv DR. KEYSER’S PECTORAL SYRUP, Du. Rsttcu:—My wife ha* been afflicted with a bad Dough and difficulty of breathing lor five or six years, which for several years back had gradually increased in vkitunco. The complaint has been hereditary, and she had been trvatod by several physicians without any relief In this state of her case 1 procured some of yonr Pectoral Ocuih Syrup. I bought tha first time a fifty coot bottle, width tviWred li* Very .much; I then called and gut a debar tittle, which tkrod her entirely, and ebe has now no trace of the former disease, except weakness. I would also state that 1 used the medicine myself to a cold And sough. The medicine cured me by taking one ddile. I ex press my entire sattobctlon wllh the medicine, and you ar* at liberty to publish this if you desire to do so. i WM. WILSON, Alderman, Fifth Ward. PiTTeßtf!U),' ! Kor. TBth, 1858. Ik. KiTMUL Although not on advocate of Patent M'edl alse in general, it afford* me great pleasure to recommend year Pectoral Syrup. A* a medicine (t to well worthy the \ attention of any person Who may in any manner be affec tod with cough scolds and hoarseness of any kind, and fur the peculiar qualifications for removing alt that disagreea ble sensation attending a cold. < I have been more of lee*, in my lift affected with the eeverait fold* of hoarseness. At times my throat would become so closed a* to prevent my speaking above a whis per, ami by taking a few dose* of the above Syrup it would relieve me entirely.' \ In recommending this medicine, I must unhesitatingly eay that it to the best medicine I ever found, purporting to cure the above; nor should- any family be without this rented/ fcr disease* so prevalent. Tours, most respectfully, * EDWARD 3. JONES, Cashier, Citizens’Deposit Bank. ~ flviCßl.vviUJL 0., Hatch 14th, ISM. I hare used Dr. Keyset** Qqugh Syrup for a bad cough “ffr’Tvrai vjwr* Steading. and, can cheerfully say It .to the belt'medicine tt the same that I have ever taken. J. W. PRICE. 00U PRATT AND DR.KEYSER’S PECTORAL SYR- Cl*.—Dt^Rsrixa— Dear Hlr :,Eictuo thedeley $f my ac knowledging the excellence ofjrbur Pectoral Syrup sooner. I take great, pleasure Ih saying that It Is all yotl say it is. 3T KNOCKED THE NOISE OCT OP SIT CODOU, and “*• *ont one I was ercr afflicted with; 1 hare not Used mot* thanone halfof the bottle, and can and do wish tluit « who are afflicted would glee it as Csir a trial as I hare done, and they will be proud tosay, “ It is no quack medi * wo “3d not suffer another such an attack for any consideration, or at any eosti Tamconfldentlcah breathe awre freely than I ever did. I ahall always acknowledge a debt of gratitude for Inventing so excellent > remedy.— Xou are at liberty to use my name In thle regard, os yon tblak proper. ft P. PRATT. Messenger, Common Council, Pittsburgh, Pa. Pmserto, May 11th, -1849. X. am flu stranger-ta-my fellow citizens, and all vbo WwUln UoubU can consult me personally. r. p THE TRUTH—Da. Kama: I have a daughter who Km UUea several mediciour for u.bad cough, who has Ukaa Hverkl medicines for a hm cough, without benefit— among them Ayer’s Cherry Pecton.l. I purchased from , w uIPE CTORAt STROP, and before she relieved. Tho second hot tie cared her entirely of her cough. JOHN DARIN, Robison Street, Allegheny. • 4 Pjttsscjso, December 31st, IW3. ' *T«n°i.H A .T C ™ E KEYSF.U’3 PECTORAL BTuDP I live in Peebles township, Allegheny county.—. ik i v “ D K Il t ,n B a *l SWttlng. vrblch commenced about tae eta of February lost, and continued eight months.l •“ployed the .bust .physicians In the country, andyay C<-agh ciinttaned unabated until early in October. At that wasmlvUod totry your PECTORAL I.TRDP, which 1 did. had taken one bottle I was entirely free from the coughing and spitting. Ibad dißpaired of ever t"ttlng welßana Ithlnklt should be known that this velnable remedy will do for others what itfhaa done in JOHN (V LtTILE, Peebles township, witness—B. M. KksK. '• * . ’ Pattos nwxtmr, April lith, 1557. A WONDBUFCI, CDIIE.—Some time ago. an old nelgh wr of mins Was Vbry 111 with a bad cough whlcheVrry one •nppoaed to be consumption. ’ IDs relatives told me ho had "MMoetsrjr remedy they beard of without benefit; hie Euy/i. 6 * l ?® ,e *W“» die, am) were confirmed ip the be Co “W\*wt lire. 1 had about the thlrtfof a *. 8 J&I>. *Weh >1 gave him, andit *vw"- J i. ttr * d hi “i to artdnUJunent of all. What It™ “• **“ «oro remarkable, bribe extreme age of til 2*S’> e > to * ‘ bont «lghty yean old., I hare nodonht ti * eared Ua life. ' * JOHN M’aiNNIS Tllu KE SECTORAL BYRCP IN BLJURB - another supply of your ralnablo B Jrup.""' J Atmb*t creiybody around Us haSJho *« “l»r;%*«*>■ 7.• ™vt/old sixteen bottles en lr r * nJ Urth btfflalrs. r.?. t « J would not be without It in their unmet. In fact, a\l who use it oncewant It again. January 30th, 1860, »• WATTERBON iSS&nr* f® RTI fiCAXE-DR. KEYSER-8 -l-taTeWtroaMed with a conch j^“ k *^* ob * d WM It thatlcould not prescription*' from three of do tUe e ‘Y. *J»m 1 could tworTbot ti™* fvtl a bottle of yowvAoal which cared mo cutinlji. Signed, 2M Liberty St, Pittotai;, jfta, *m?!hhfibtSo # “Go TH i T Co£oaufo."-«irow «i do it»»- CaaJhF */**£“ rtreet and get a bottle of W* £ you ’ JOU , r «“ tb tut ope 551 }* * T C IT.“ oftbo “”oqny wmojt eseiy d*y in cold catching season* of the chr In tb!JS tn s experiment. cheerfully con «he“P«^?M e * * dmonf,lon “ atove, f gr we havetried Kmnfl? tt » bborn case, with entire enc of the ua>t Zt?~ k , aa *° we went t 0 l‘ itts bnrg with ono “•"trt’Ss contnuy, mulish, uiisubduable thi»:mundane eJfperienMd since opr advent upon l.r for one whole r °ir , , cou S l, * d steadily and laborops no go. In taei ii of tirin S !t b Ut It was and to have «rne- med 0111)01 to Improve by practice kj the operation * r6 i *i?f. Dst i h ’ potenclr and distrmibllity our wav tn it D * this state of sho siegn/we coughed ««»t f procured a fifty *ad In foriv-eiew l took It according to directions, •may havmt V* bOU i'"., Wie nn adversary as ISw. rtu y& Pectoral.—Brownsville Clipper, Dec. Utb, sold PLCTOEA-ti SVIiTJP is prepared and 7 OKO. U. KEYSER, 140 Vood etrect, Pltsburg, Pa, KEMEDY.— A SURE CUR B. ‘ od *> l 4J’J »»• O. p. **T*»|l, Price 2S amt. *_ 14D Wood Ubnrg. ■ •;■$ - ■- v-V •- A • •••$ ■ ' V.-r s*so* r ' - « PmssCso, Jan. 11th. 18C0. ■ ,■* .v-- j-\ ' ;-‘.r r*. T (f PEOPLE’S. COOK BOOK. * MO&KRN COOKERY tt alt lit branch**. br Mb »twAitCTo». u . S., Professor>f Pathology and Operative Sur- KH In the\etorinvy College of Philadelphia, etc., etc. Mw Ttil Ton of the Origin, History and distinctive traits of the various breeds of European. Asiatic, African and American Hones,- with the physical formaton nnd peculiarities of the animal, and how to ascertain his age by the number and condition of his teeth; Illustra ted with numerous explanatory engravings THE HORSE AND HIS DISEASES ma Tdl Ton Of Breeding. Breaking, Stabling, Feeding, Grooming. Shoeing, and the general man agement ofthc horse, with the best modes of i - administering medicine, also, how to treat biting, kicking, rearing, shying, stUmhilhg, crib biting, restlessness, and otter vices to which he to subject; with, numerous ex planatory engravings. " ‘ J** HORSE AND IMS DISEASES Tt ' l Tott Of the causes, symptoms, and treatment of strangles, sore throat, dEstemper.catar-rh, iuOuenza, brouebitis,-pneumonia, pleurisy, broken wind, chrdnic cough, roaring and Whistling, lam pas, sore mouth anduicers, | uttd decayed teeth, with other discuses of - the month and respiratory organs. __ THE HORSE AND HIS DISEASES frw zeu lon of the causes, symptoms and treatment of Worms, bote, colic, strangulation, atony eon cretions, ruptures, palsy, diarrhoea, Jaun dice, hepatirrhoea, bloody wine, stone* In the kidneys and bladder, inflammation and other diseases of the Stomach, bowels, liver and urinary organs. ' THE HdHSE AND HIS DISEASES mu xtu iuu of the causes, symptoms and treatment of bono, blood and bog, spavin, sweenie, ring bone, strains, broken knoes, wind galls, gAUnder, sole brntoo and gravel, cracked - hoofs, scratches, canker, thrush and corns’; also, of megrim*, vertigo, epilepsy, staggers; and other disease* of the feet, lee* andheod, _ „ THE HORSE AND HIS DISEASES will Tell Ten of the cause*, symptoms and treatment of fistula, poll evil, glanders, farcy, scarlet fe- - ver, mange, surfeit, locked Jaw, rheumatism,■: ■ cramp, galls, disease* of the ej-e and beatt, - *C-» Ac., and bow to manage castration,: bleeding, trcphiuulng.,rowoUng, firing, her. I nia, amputation, tapping, and other snrgi «V- - cal operation*. THE HORSE AND HIS DISEASES mu For of Barey’s mettod of taming hones;; how to approach, hatter, or stable a colt ; how to accustom ahorae to strungo Bound* and , sights, and how to; bit.saddle; ride ahd.bfeak him to harness; : 'aiso, tile form and law of -WAXBASTT. The whole being the result of mors than fifteen years’careful study of tha habits, peculiarities, wants'and weaknesses 1 ■ . . °f this noble and useful an imaL The book contains 384 pages, appropriately illustrated by nearly One Hundred Engravings. It to printed in a Clear and open type, and will be furnished to any address, pratoge juid, on receipt of price, half bound, $l,OO, or, In CIOUSe CXtrfty ■ ■ '—T ■■ ©lOOO A YEAR f‘ n m^d * by enterpris - .i ing men everywhere*. In: selling the above, and other popular works of ours. Our Inducements to all such are exceedingly liberal; lOf copies of thebook, or for tirini to anoti. urith otiw| lnf*msUon, appljr to or addrosi “ * JOHN B. POTTER, Publisher, * Nor. No. 817 Saiwom Street, Pu. BEAUMAN’S POQO METALIC PAf NT, Tj'QUAL TO RED LEAD AND 75. per JLi cent, cheaper—atands 000 degrees heat—warranted water prpofand will neither fade nor waeh. For STEAM BOILERS JtND PIPES GAS HOLDERS Wt-SOAI) BRIDGES AND VANS PJ&STEB, ISON AND DEICE FHONTS TIN HOOFS MOOSES BABNS FENCES WAGONS ' StStPOECKS PLUMBERS’ JOINTS' ' ffiftONFOONDEHS PATTERNS , ' ASkUoe responsible agent wanted in, every town and city in We United State*. Terms accommodating. Por CireitUn,Acc,dkpplyto or address - < ■ ■ ' i WM. L. JIOIJPT. Marph 2fcCm. No. 132 N. 4th «treet.Phlladelpfala. GOSN-ECHO XttJJLS* QERUANTO IFA”, ’Jfcf; ' McCALLUM (& CO., ~ MANUFACTURERS, IMPORTERS & WHOLESALE D. Carpeting, Druggets, 0 MATTINGS, & WAREHOUSE, No 609 CHESTNUT STIH the State House,) I’HIIiADEhPUX A. CONFECTIONER AND OYSTER SA rpHE SUBSCRIBER WO JL FORM the citizen* of Altoona and vicinity that his CONFECTIONERY, NUT and FRUIT always supplied with the wry heat articles to ho bud, and in great Variety. Hu has also ou OYSTER SALOON omeM»‘.K wll,cU ,J 0 wlll — bus always ou band a lot of CHOICE MINCE MEAT. . He li at all time* prepared to aupply cakea.candtea, 4c., forplc-nic* and other nartfea. Ho Incite* a (hare of public patronage believing that he can render full satisfaction to all, > : .." Bememhar, hiratoro and saloon la on Virginia attMt, two doop« help* Patton’s Hall. OTTO KOSfil . Blanks of all descriptions BWtly and ejtpodieloutly execiftad at tht| offle*. - J*, X. B. P«4K AU|h paid foi Fofir Hn Oneiqoj Two 1 Three ,4 Overt! peroqifl Sizlinei Oneequi Two ♦} Three 'f Foot m Half *4 One colti Admioii Mercluu with! Profevii .linn Comm lerest wj Adverj tioardmj cordial Itoalotj Obitui THE Hflcrt ||lktllanij. MATRIMONIAL INFELICITIES. u Mj tear,” I said to the lady who was seated opposite tq md at the breakfast ta ble, and who has the good fortune to be my wife, «if there be one dislike more than another, it is to receive a cup of coffee that looks as if it had been sip ped from before’ it reached my hands.—- Have 1 lot often asked you to fill my cup to within an eighth of an inch of three quarters full ?” ' • “ ar e as particular as an old bacbe lor,” the estimable lady replied, “ and if l! had known it before I married you, this day woujld not have seen me your wife.—- There, sir, is your cup of coffee. 1 hone it will suit ' : “ Good gracious I” I exclaimed, as I took; the cup, “ how you've managed to run it pyer. You certainly must be aware that: if there fee one thing I dislike more than' another,! it is tq find slops in my saucer."' “Well, if you will insist on my filling! the cup, must expect that sometimes I sball shall it over; besides,-your finding! fault wiith me docs no good, but makes! me,nervous, and causes my hand to tremf We,.so that I<'only wonder there is any coffee le: Via the Clip*' Bat here is a clean 'saucer, m plac e of the one yon-have/’ Havir g effected this important change, X tasted the contents of my cap. Jtwas evident o me that there eras no sugar in it. Ita sted it again to make certain of ‘.be fact. Then I said to her have neglected to put sugar into j ’e. If there be one thing 1 dislike I iain another, it. is coffee answcet w certain/' replied my estimable '‘ that I did sweeten it. I don’t ijii have stirred it." I know I have,” I answered. \ iMot with your spoon,” said the pro voking woman, “Ibjp. it is perfectly dry; perhaps, however, you used your fork."' ’ “Pshaw!” was all the answer I vouch safed to this remark. “ Now, I declare,” I said, after having stirred and sipped my coffee, “you have xnade it too sweet. If there is ope thing I dislike more than another, it is to bare my coffee taste like syrup.” ' l ' “ Let me put more milk with it then ?” said the obliging woman. “ No, I thank you,” I replied) “ I don’t care to hare my ctomaeh turned into a ALTOONA, PA., THURSDAY, APRIL 18, 1861. I THE ALTOONA TRIBUNE, [oCßoUf.»i^ ia^MM , C. BSRM. niusour g\ t GO M or less.. If** U \ 6O ’ 76 ioo r (16 M ) 100 160 SOO I (24 “ 160 ZOO "60 are« w*»k« and leee than three months, 26 cente pa for each ioeertion. ’ " , 3,month*. 0 month*. 1 Tern. 1 60. |S 00 |6 00 2 60 4 00 7 00 4 08 6 00 10 00 .............. ~ 800 8 00 I? 00 • 6 00 10 00 14 00 1U 10 00 14 00 30 00 I ................. 14 00 28 00 40 00 mo necoWn N0tice.,....,,,,.., 1 75 ivertieingby the year, three aquarei, i- i ' y to change, 10 00 or Busineu Card*, not exceeding 8 paper, per year g oo lUon* ofa political character or individual in charged according to the above rate*. eu * “o* marfied with the aomber of inter will be continued till forbid and cbaned'ac -9 above term*. ° »zhrtkea fit© centi per line for «rery insertion. r * notlcea exceedins ten linob, fifty cent© * square ptkd |)«trjr; IF YOU LOVE WE, SAY SO. ST mixt JOBBBOX. Tout eyes, dear one, are like the atari Wjjthin the the heavens shining; Tour treisea (air around your brow Ary delicately twining i Andes they fall upon your neck, Thjy fairly like do play so, That I can but this question ash,-. “ Op, if you lore me, say so." Your month Is like, a rose bud, lore, Wli h rows of pearl adjoining ; Your breath is like the sweet perfuse Of a fsiraummer morning; But ab I gaze upon yonr charms, My{ trembling heart ache so I can!bat stilt the words [repeat— “ Oh, If you lore me, sa£ so.” The fragrant roses, as you pass, Though in their bloom and beauty, Within their petals-shrink and guej Anil deem it but their duty; For they are entiotis of your charms, . Thtjn why do yon delay sol Ob, why not banish all my fears,. And If you lore me, say so? [VOICE THAT WINS ITS WAT. If words could satisfy the hbart, Tte heart Might find tess'caTe; Bat I words, like summer birds, depart, Apd leare but empty air. A lit tie. said, and truly raid, n deeper Joy Impart i host* of wordi which.reach the head it never touch the heart. Thai Bi lire that Wins its sunny way, Lonely homo to cheer, J t oft. the fewest wonls to say, : t, Of those few, how dear 1 A t< A Hat) Bi BV AN IRRITABLE £U6BAND. -*4 dairy. If there be one thing I dislike more than another, it is milk. I gave up milk diet when I cot my first teeth," *l. v *° &e hoped that you will give tip the fiab it of fault-finding, which you pos sess in an eminent degree, when you come to eutyour wisdom tcejh, though no one can tell when that will ‘Thank you,” ! replied; “you w probably be 'the first one who will know it when it occurs.” “ And » happy day it will be for me,” she answered, with provoking calmness. “ Few know, though, bow much unhappi ness your constant fault finding causes me. Nothing I do seems to give you satisfac tion. There isn’t a moment elapses, while you are in the house, save when you’re asleep, but you are thus occupied. The truth is, I have always been too indulgent with you; and humor you when I ought not. I did not commence right in the first place. I should have paid no atten tion to your whims, but studied my own convenience and comfort, instead of seek ing to make everything smooth and pleas ant for you. Then I would have got along much better. Oh, you men are great tyrants; and if a woman yields to you in the least, you follow up your ad vantage, and bend her will to yours, and [ crush her spirit to the earth; till, by and by, you break her heart.” “ My dear, J will thank you for another cup of coffee,” 1 ,1 said, passing my cup to her ; “ but be careful not to run it Over, nor get it too sweet, nor put in too much milk. What an intolerable steak this is," I added; “it is tough enough to have been cut from one of the cattle pastured upon a thousand hills', more than a thou sand years agp. If there be one thing I dislike more than another, it is a beefsteak.’’ ° “You ordered it yourself, from the market, so you needn’t find fault with me on account of it. I knew it was tough the moment I looked at it.” “ Then why didn’t you send it back ?” I inquired. ' “Because it was of your scjcction, I supposed you wanted a tough one.; besides, if I had returned it, you would have found fault with me for doing so.” “ Well, I can’t eat it, that's certain," I said; “so it bad better be taken off of the table I shan't throw any more money away on beefsteaks.” " tt will answer for hash,” said my economical wife, “ and you can have it for dinner.” •‘ Hash !" I exclaimed. “If there be one thing I dislixe more than another, it is hash. Hash is only fit for children and old people without teeth. Besides, it is a popular dish at boarding-schools and boarding-houses ; and when I was a boy. and afterward while a bachelor, I ate my share of it, and I'm not going to eat any more. No, we will have a turkey for din ner.” “Very well," said my spouse, “a turkey, let it be. Shall I see to getting fine ?" “ I think not," I answered. “■ The fact is, that all the turkeys you select turn out to be like the celebrated one of which Job was the the reputed owner-: —poor and tough. No I’ll buy the turkey, fand you can cook it." “ Very well," said the imperturbable lady. i “ But how-will you haVe it cooked?” “ Oh, any way; suit yourself," I an swered. “ Then I think I will roast it,” she re plied. “Roast it!" I exclaimed. “ That is just “. k .® y° T u - , Now > you know if there he one thing I dislike more than another, it is to have a turkey roasted." - “Verywell, then," said the accommo dating woman, «I will boil it.” ‘ “ Boil it 1" I said, aghast. “ Boil soup, boil limb chops, boil cherries, if you like, but never, for me, boil a turkey.” “Pray, then, how will you hare it cook ed ? Only tell me, and it shall be done. “ Why-why-well-fricasee it of course,” 1 answered, triumphantly. “ Very well," said the lady, looking, however, as if it were not very well. “ Why can’t you say something else be sides ‘ very well V " I asked. “ What a provoking woman you are, to be sure.” “Not half as provoking as you are," she replied. “Now, thou, you wish to make me an gry, T suppose; but you can’t do lt/’ I said. “ I have put up witbl everything all through breakfast, and I am not going to be provoked just as I am finishing." “ I am sure Ido not wish th provoke you," my wife said, in a most innocent and aggrieved manfier. - C ; V -r “ But yon most certainly do provoke' me," I replied. . ; “ Then lam sorry for it," she answered, in a softened tone, “ for such was'not my intention." ' r ' ; 'V I looked across tbo tebleat my wife; something like a tear rolled down her cheek. ■ -j “ Goodness I” I whispered to myself, “ I have made my wife weep. What—a -rwhafr^-a—brute I am.” Then, spiking aloud, I exclaimed; “Doling I” “ WeU,” was her calm reply. “Do you know/ 1 I continued, “that if A.. r^«;X^ there be one thing j dislike more than an* other, it i* & tear." v T She answered with a sad «■" “Artemus’ on the Union.— l'm a Union man. I luv the Union from the bottom uv mi hart. Ikv eviy hoop-hole in Maine, and evry shepe ranch in Texas Ihekow posturs of Nu Hampshire are as derc 2 A. Ward as the rise plantashuns of Missippy. Thare is meat taters in both them are States} and thar is likewise good men and troo. It don’t look very pretty for a lot uv infiatnatory individoo als, who never lifted there hands in de fence of Amerifco, or did the fust thing towards sekewrimo'nr independence, to git there bax ujurtfd aware they’ll disolve the Union. Ts® much bind was spilt a court la and marryan’ that highly respectable remale the Goddess of I Liberty, 2 git a divorce at this late d*y. I The old gal be haved 2 well 2 cast her’off now, at the re quest oi a passyl of - addle braned men & wimmm, who never didinohody good, and never will again. I’m Sorry the pictur ov the Goddess never givA her no shuse or stockings, but the band of stars most kon tmer to shine briter so long as the'earth kontiners 2 revolye.on its axel tree. Women Born to do the Bo vino. That nature has ordained, love as women’s task; more than man’s, js thus declared by a late moralist: ■ With man, Jove is never a passion of such intensity as with woman. She Is a being of sensibility, existing only in the outpourings and sympathies of her emo tions. Every earthly blessing, nay every heavenly hope, will be itoficed V her affections. She will, leave the sunny home of her childhood—the protecting home pf'hcr kindred—forget the councils of her rire, the admonishing voice of that “other on bosom her head had been pillowed—-do allthat women can do consistently with hobor-forsake all that she has clung to in her girlish simplicity for years, and throw herself into the arms of the man she idolises. He that would forsake a woman after these testimonies of affection, |s too gross a villain to be called a man. IQU Have you ever, watched an icicle as it formed ? You noticed how it froze one drop at a time until it was a foot long, or more; If the water was clean, the ici cle remained clear, and sparkled brightly in the sun; but if the water was but slight ly muddy, the icicle looked foul, and its beauty was spoiled. Just so our charac tpra are forming—one little thought, or feeling at a time adds to its influence. If eachlhpught be pure and right, the soul will jo lovely, and will sparkle with hap pmess; but if impure and wrong, there will be a final deformity and wretchedness. Foe Little Boys.—lf your sister while tenderly engaged in a tender con versation with her tender sweetheart, asks you to bring a glass of water from an ad joining room, you can start on the errand, bull need not return. You will not be missed, that’s certain—we've seen it tried. Don't" forget, this little boys. /;r mr- ;i /■ Jt iy -1 .f..;t.A- .m'iUxU •! .-W - :' <*W*, 4 T' ’■ i . ■ J- a c*. •’{ ' . • ,t.-rvy A LA-*--' v- 1 To Pekvint Skippxbs m Hams.—lll a| eommanieanon to the Cotton Planter . Jft’Ttalxo says : “ There is aeeor cording to my experience, nothing easier than to avoid the skipper and other worms and hogs that infest and destroy bacon. It is simply to keep your smoke house and the moth that deposits the eggs never enters it. For the past 25 years I have attended to this, and never haye had my bacon troubled with insects. I have hanging in my smoke house, we* tjro and. three years old, and the oldest are as free from insects as when first hpng up. ; ■ ■ A just but & severe bis built agaUowson a bridge*, and asked every passenger whither be was going. If net answered truly, he passed unharmed : iffalsely, be was hanged on the gallows. One day a passenger being asked the usual question, answered, “I am going to be hanged on the gallows.” “ Now,” said the gallowa-builder, “ if I hang this man, he will have answered truly, and ought npt to have been hanged; if Ido not hang hi m » hi will have answered falsely, and ought to have been hanged” It is not recorded what decision he came toi Renovation. —The editor of the New England farmer says that a gentleman reaming m Ihunbridge informs him that charcoal placed around the roots of diseased peach stocks was serviceable. He imm«- diately removed the soil from around the trunk of a aiokly tree in his garden, sup plied its ]>laoe with charcoal, and was sur prised at its sudden renovation and snbse queut rapidity of growth, and the tenacity with which too fruit held on the branches, and the unusual richness of its flavor when matured. girt going to market with a bas ket of eggs on her head, bad them knock- by a rowdy, for which he was fined, and had to:pay for the eggs. I When asked hojr many eggs she had,- the answer was: ** When I put them in two. at a time, there ires onejjver; three at a time, one *hd when I put in four, five or six at a time, there was one-oyer j but when J put them in sevenata,4iuie, they came out even.” How many eggs ihau he to pay for? *Sf* An enthusiastic Union mao in California thus cloaca a business letter “California is upright, downright, outright for the Union, whatever its Leglslatoro may say or do. No buzzard, hat, owl, pelican, nigger, bear or wolf flag shall ever flap treason from its folds while there Uvea a pioneer to pull it down.” Mft“The entrance to a woman’s heart is through her eye or ear. But Napoleon said the way to a man’s heart was down his throat: Good house-wives understand this, and accordingly are more attentive to the quality of their husband’s dinners than the odor of the flowers which adorn the table. BSU A genuine son of the Emerald Isle, only three persons in atteodanoe upop his proposed lecture, made the fol lowing address: “ Ladies and as there is no body here, I’ll dismiss yon *llj_ The performance of this night will not he performedbut they will be re peated to-morrow evening.” , *8- Nature has strange ways of doing the most beautiful things. Out of the oozy; earth, the mud and rain of early spring, come the most delicate flowers, their white leaves bom out of the fruit, as unsoiled and pure as if they had bloomed in the garden of Paradise. Molly was telling an absurd dream, when her mistress you .must have been asleep when you dreamed such stuff as that 1” « No, indeed, ma’am," she replied tartly, “I was just as wide awake as I am this minute V* / WF* An Irishman having a looking; gloss in one hand shut bis eyes andplaoed it before His face. Another asked him'' why he did so. “ Upon my sowl,” replied Teddy, “ it's to see how I look whin I’m aslape.” BS9» Some men, after they have reached the summit of ambition, pull up the lad der by which they climbed, and look down with scorn upon those who held it'for them. r 4®“ The greatest pleasure of life is love the greatest treasure, is contentment; the greatest possession, health; the greatest ease, sleep; and the beat medicine, is a true friend. 4®“ “ I say, Pat, are you aslape V* “ Divil the slape.” u Then be afther landin’ me a quarter.** u Fm aslape, be jahers;**' ' ' • * Nothing can be more tmjuat tlfjiji: to he angry Hritb another because heis not of your opinion. ■i. 1 3 -V Mi NO. 11.