m v. ■; J-.S3T ki .*& ? Hi. - ' ...... is > / ./ -.1.'; "; r: ~r,: ™ .....,. -■....
COMMERCIAL
?»u Chartered IM}
B. Now Uio the UnSk iHPNiI
tehool of the United
I duties orthe *War
. of Book-keeping -
;r of Arithmotic
Jtxsixs.Tcacbewof
In.tix, Profs. of PolunuZSSP'Wtt.
iILE ENTRY
ry department of
;tic—Rapid Rutinew Writ*-.
Counterfeit Moneys.
i nidcncc — Commercial r-T' '
or other subjects ~—rwiii'
lUcatiou of a practical **
»ms In Pittsburg far
ml 'Western Cities. fwiJtgWl
SGRATED WORK.
S'T IN FORMATION,
inic—No Vacation—Tima
-Graduates assisted Ik 29SH
full Commercial Cour»a/SS?*
eks—Board, 52450
ost, $60.00 to S7OjOO. *•
■:ci'ived at Balf price. : -i; •
■Specimens •* "~itlnm wi ~
'• two stoiupe, and
f. W. JENKfatB, PuSStfc H.
EXCITEMEotT
w GOODS HAVE ABMWfc.^
oi hero on the ground again, • as,
I, last vear, uskod
11 mo where the
now. It reminds me a
hen Gen. Harrison was claCtedTiT
to go with tbo crowd and jraawiii
ling McOORMICK’E STORtftSS,
e valley, and the quantity of aa£L
• must bo eelllng off very r»p2jJ
iond; I would ear to iwu air ..
p-itluus will bo fully reaUaad.
11 esloctod assortment qf’Qnn if
■fifty catU and give thatriartan
<l, and all other goods Is
, that’s whore I am to frij
-houid everybody else. Goodin. >r
TiOCERIES, HAHDVrifc
UDARWAHE, SXOHKwTi»»**»-
ip Bonnets, Misses’ Flsim a". T .
.Slippers, with Ml*** £
.ml everyother articlefijuJX
■■ can be hud cheap
7 produce taken
EDUCTION
a BYfenai.V:. ;
other than th— w&iSSSS
: K ‘ stf ' fto i^siuti2s£Sßf
',,' T « h«&made a veryatSt
all descriptions of goods,
attention to keeping an»
■f onr customers, enchas "
iilKtl, lIAEDVABI, flnsw.
STONEWARE. £Sm AJBOS
;:su Cups, Dried FnUtatdliilAf
•ap as .the cheapest,
taken in exchangs jtirgeodiisi
o e, we hops to share thepstnasn
t of goods. -(HaraiSMCr
lOSENE OECABBOK
Simplicity Spftlyor Ectoomf.
to obtain the very best and ebssp
i! their reach, shcmU-'cgtl
and examine them
al wo pledge otmehrse to dstnoa-
AT can occur by explosion.
c, offensive odor whHa hnrti iuj
r.v easily trimmed.
>iiy regulated tog(mnan«rlM
n lively free from .
at least so per cent, cheap* ttet
It now in common n*k
ably adapted lor the gssoMtfr
tresses, Factories, Halls,Ch*NbM,
Ighly recommended teWlQrjm.
I>on Oil Lump can be sttaehsd la
>ln fluid and oil
• every purpose of. a psrwlajm.
laiisfuction in all cases. --
o. ur. r """
'Eh.—THE UNDUE
dry Informs th» ' ' ■. *
Sheriff
liyaliurg,
rxi traveller*.—
Ith. the bouse bo* b*a»ral«*dla
t furniture, A&, Ac. “'
commodious, and vail fkigliM
fort.
rninliod with UmOTlWtftWlfr
inn,or troohlo will bssnttsdt*
boose to Civor bpo with tllrfrpe
happy during tbelr slay wilhto
l>lr, and an obliging and slnfcl
attendance!
; stage. which mains d*oy trips
’ill iamslmrg, stop* MfNP*
jou^£xan9h
QUESTION WHICH
nind of every
> beat article lor , .
li'T matter*, the
t to direct, hot if
‘shoes •
at ion of his stock and wfc
and an maortment
ch he offer* at Ihlr pllee*.- '
tt ;Mion to cmtwa ■WjJJJ®*
<• give (atiaCtctioai
do Main street,
O’Neir*. ■' -1—
JOHN B. JUPWB-
HOTEL. —THE SOB*
artfully in
m recently re- RyfljiVA.
Is now
frioudfl
tanner, and
ling it an agreeable bote W,*j}
1 always be luxuriously wWjS.
. untiy and cities, and h»
:« brands. His charge* are JJ*
other Hotel In the place, *M°»
; bo complained of by these
in. Expectingto roceltea»“•
! ally Intending to dcsMfP Rr ■*
1 public and invitee atiti
.l JOHN BOWJU. 1 *
SHOBS.HI®
•>n hand and will
the Masonic -
•r made to order,''
Omu Shoes,
s line of business, of .
> most resfiunsWe tW>'
J. BHOPhtfJh
'3TEBSJ
liard times, I have c*clc.
iy oystbrs to
’.l'rvaftci 1 be served
CENTS, and
cr ! accom
also be taraUbeAp itiwJWJ
lend with the ‘
AILING ANj’
ruled to order,
notice, apply P.
. gUQRMARjB.
mclasaiuß, waawewr.
; JUST
:o assortment
J.B
SUGAR, TEA A*®
Ijr!aiebjr
; A JO)
|fl> NEW
ANDAmy^K^
[x_tf. se^ow
jfeOBtJH 4 EBRN,
vol. *■
TRIBUNE.
* DEBS, PuWtaherr and Proprietor*.
of Um time
piit*'
ttm 07 ASTtßtlfltVO*
***• 1 inßfrtlbn .2 do. 3 do,
. $ ‘is $ 87}$* $6O
go 79 100
0a, iqntrc,( °,OnW iOO 160 200
*« “ « ) 180 * 8 U °® - e ,2 80
three week*andle»n than throemonth*, 25 cent* pm
•l»r« fcr ** cll ln ** rtioD- j month*. 6 month*. Vyeax.
4 150 $3 00 $.6 00
2 50 4 00 7 00
4. 00 ?99 10 00
inline* or l*»»i
Oaeiqouvi
I*o “ 5 00 8 00 12 00
Tbr» “ 6 eo 10 00 14 00
rouT 10 00 H 00 20 00
Uilfacdton, 14 a) 25 00 40 00
Z
*>• • 5M
character’or individual in-
SSS according to the above rates.
marked wit h the number of insertions
til! forbid and charged according
cents per lino forcvery insertion.
OUtuuj notices exceeding ten lines, fifty cents a sanare.
TRIBUNE DIRECTORY.
PrMnim, Her. A B. Clarx, Pastor.—Preaching ev
. eibtoth morningat 10'A, o’clock, and in the evening at
.A “vioct Sabbath School at 9 o'clock, A. M, In tho Lcc
li?e Room. Prayer Meeting dvery Wednesday evening in
ihi umd room. _ , _
Mctkoditt EpitapoL, Rev. S.A. Wasox, Pastor.—Proach
ioi every Salb»tli morning ull o’clock and In the even
ly sJjUth School in tho Lecture Rotpn at 2 o’clock, P.
11 Oeneral Prayer Meeting in same room every Wednes
day oveßin*. Yonng Men’s Prayer Meeting every Friday
"ftSSdical Lutheran, Rev. Jacop Sixes, Pastor.—Preach
bi every Sslbsth morning at IUU o’clock, and at 6 U o’clock
hjtbtSTCniug. Sabbath School in tho Lecture Boom at
ji/ o’clock, P. M. Prayer Meeting in same room every
Mcdeealay evening.
CnOti Brethren, Rev. W. B. Dice,Pastor.— Preaching ov-
Irr Sabbath morning at o’clock and in the evening at
TU o’clock. Sabbath School in the hoc tore Room ut 9
Vdoclt, A. M. Prayer Meeting every Wednesday evening
Is same room.
Pntatant Episcopal, Rev. B. W. Oliver, Pastor—Divine
Service aisnutih Sundays of each month at 10U' o’clock
AM, sar. PM. Sunday School at I) o’clock A. JI.
'.a&At, Rev. Joint Twiggs, Pastor.—Preaching at 10}d
o’clock in the morning, and at in tlio afternoon.
Baptist, Rev, U. 11. I'tsn, Pastor—Preaching every Sabbath
poring st 10 1 A o’clock, and also in the evening. Sabbath
fchool ats o’clock, A.M. X’rayer Meeting every .Weduea
dty evening. •
A'ncue Uelhvxat, Rev. Sstdep. Car, Pastor.—Preaching
every Sanoath ou-ining at 11 o’clock and in theevening, in
(be old Onion School House.'
(Hlern W»J st
Weftern “
Hi)!Udaj»bnrß>
intern Through Mail
MAILS ARRIVE
BUtem Through Mail,
(Teettm W»y,
Eutern
HoUMayabnrg 11 20 A. M. and 630 “
Office open fur the transactiun uf business from 7 A. SI.
It* P. IL, during tbs week, and from 3 to 9 o'clock. A. SI.
iDSundiy.
Judo 4, ’s7—tf j
RAILROAD SCHEDULE,
xpnn Train East arrives C,50 A. >L, leaves 7.10 A. 11.
“ “ West - 8,25 “ ' « g. 55 "
(<ut “ East “ 9,50 P. sf. “ 10,10 P. M.
“ “ West “ 1,25 A. 51.,
Util “ East “ 11A0 “
“ . “ Wert “ 0,05 P. 51.,
. lbs HOLLIUAVSIIUIIG BRANCH connects with Express
minStrt and West, and with Mail Train East and West.
IhsBbAIKSVILLE BRANCH connects with Johnstown
Wsy Train East and West, Express Train West and Moil
TninKiut.
Kurember 29,1853.
Ihunlain Lodge, A. Y. M-, No, 281, meets on aecondTnes
<hy of lacb month, in the third story of the Masonic Tem
p It, u 7U o'clock, P. M. *
Ifcaswm Encampment, A. Y. M., No 10, meets on the
berth Tuesday of each mimtli, in the third story of the Mft
bdlc Temple, at o’clock, P. M.
Altoona Lodgr, I. 0. of 0. F„No. 473, meets every Friday
trcnlag, iti the second story of the Masonic Temple, at "i l A
e flock, P.M. !
Tenndn Lodge, I. 0. of 0. F.. No. 532, meets every Friday
evenlngjln the third story of Patton’s Building, on Virginia
UtetUU}* o’clock, P. M. 1
Vunubago Tribe, No. 35, I. 0. R. M., hold stated Coan
eumry Tuesday evening in the I. 0. 0. F. Hall, in the
Masonic Temple. Council Fire kindled at Tth'rnri 30th
krestfi. 17. A. ADAMS, Ot of R. {Jo™ 25,’57-ly
Juiior Srmt of America, Camp No. 31, meets every Mon-
in the third "story of Patton’s Hall, at o’clock
HiiUn gton Odmp, &i. 54, J. S. of A., meets .every
*°*“J evening, in the 2d story of Patton’s Hall.
J.lotna Division, fib. 311, A of 2% meets every Satur
,to evening, in the Odd Fellows’ I{all, Masonic - Temple,
kf.Rose, p. w. P n and D, 6. IV.; Wm. 0. McCormick,
vjvP.; B. F. Custer, W. A.; D. Galbraith, R. 8.; William
McCormick, A. K. B-; Michael Clabaugh, T.; David T. Cald
»«il.r.S.; Oeo.W. Patton, LS.; A.l). Cherry, 0. S.
Altoona ilahanici' Library and Reading Ram Asxocia
stocdly on the Ist Saturday evening in Janna*
October. Board of Directors .meet.on
77. Tuesday evening in each month. Room open from
•to IQ oclock every evening, (Sunday excepted.)
COUNTY OFFICERS.
sis'? Cburh.—President, lion. George Taylor.—
J. pettn Jones, David Caldwell.
"rfhonotaiTH-Joseph Baldridge.
&9uter and Recorder—Hugh A. Caldwell,
ewri^—James Funk.
-Mncl Attorney—Be nj. 1,. Uewlt.
*• J-K
-Clcr- fo A . Caldwell.
JJfvwnftfe 'Appraiser —Joseph 0. Adlnm.
Ctsu'y Sumeyor—James 1.. Owinn.
T-' i’u-*-—.John Llngafelt.
pi— ii' Borrow, A.C. McCartnev, Jos. R.Hewitt
- MaSle* Dma ° r, ~ A oeor R e WwveJ', Samud Shiver,’
William Fox.
of Ommon Schoob— John Dean.
ALTOONA BOROUGH OFFICERS.
ft^ aCObGOOd > J
«• McCormick, John
r„'V , , „ d > ! ' c l' , °p Glamling.
Si r - & W'r®- H - McCormick.
&15 (««)icff_j o l,n McClelland.
I^Qw r w&lA?? e - T’Js* ton ' C ' B - «nk,C. C.
Vtai C - McOrrwlck.
s££“^-^ol t n Mcaellandi.
D-Thomaa, Thog. McMlnn.
McClelland. ~
Price, David Dehl. - \
Ward—Peter Reed. \
“ « . West, “ Jacob Good. .
“ Alexwder BlMng.
;* ' yrjf A. Bockj Alex. Montgomery.
“ Som, u ■ H. fcbbettti M. Cfeubnagh.
Pmb Ttin. Yumtlaii ««• '
A LARGE AND
of Grocer,lmYcJortbden re-
KOreof :•• . J.R HILBSUX.
RECEIVED >A
CW ' ) T ' -PPSht of (JREEEZRfi, which will bei «old
-• A^TTfflß.Tprn^gfat.
<m iJ-ji
'^USKS,>OTI-
x- ’" ■”' **p : -y*r !a&-*~Ji
Mx24.^ff-y
CHURCHES. MINISTERS, &C
ALTOONA MAIL SCHEDULE
SI AILS CLOSE.
8 00 A.M
II 09 A. St. and 6 00 P. SI.
60Q “
JOHN SHOEMAKER, P. M,
TIIOS. A. SCOTT, Sup’t
MEETINGS OF ASSOCIATIONS
*Vw%-v%%S VV ..
Sigfftiiaihf an Oil Fainting hy J. Jttsrri Williams, vhich
hung tn tng chamber «t the House o/a friend.
Weary week* Iv« sean yoa sitting, jT
Still with tireless patience knitting,
Beantlfel and patient one,
And It nerer will be done.
' Yet yon do not pot it by,
Model gweet Of industry.
( Ope your lips, then teU to me,
What yopr gentle thoughts may be.
Arc your mnaings always £iirl
Build you castles in the air, \
Brightened with such images.
As my son! in slumber sees?
Not w word—Oh I can it bo
That such visions haunt not thee?
Spirit sweet in maiden guise,
Without hopes or memories,
Tell me then from, whence yon come,
Whisper low your lovely name.
Mary is’t that floats along.
On a tide of deathless song ?
Or sweet Imogen or flora,
■Kosamond or Theodora?
Lotke of sunny, aoft gold brown.
Snow eyelids drooping down,
, Of the orbs to make eclipse.
Tender cheeks and rose bud Ups,
, | Where the rougish kisses hide, Vj
- Ivory nock and brow of pride,
Blend their charms to make of thee,
Pit shrine for Idolatry.
O exquisitely Cur thou art.
And though silent to my heart.
Thou a lesson sweet hast brought;
And though thee my soul has caught.
Higher hopes and holiest gleams
Of the heaven ibim fire that streams
Prom spirit beauty such as thine.
To make employment half divine,
And brighter o’er life's current dull,
Bless, O bless the beautiful.
Ricmcdxs, Isdianx.'
6 SO A.M
8 35 A. M,
11 30 A- SI.
0 40 P. SI
Mr Dear Friends The 'debt that
sits heaviest upon the of a
provided he is one, is fthe debt
due the printer. It presses harder on
one’s bosom than the night mare galls the
soul, frets and chafes every enobling sen
timent, squeezes all the Juice of fraternal
sympathy from the heart, and leaves it
dryer than the surface of a roasted potato.
A man who wrongs the printer out of
a single red cent can never expect to en
joy the comforts of this world, and may
well have doubts of finding happiness in
any other.
“ 1,20 A. 51,
“ 11,60 “
“ 7,00 P. M
Oh, you ungrateful sinners! >' If you
have hearts moistened with the dew of
mercy, instead of gizzards filled with
gravel, take heed what I say unto you.
If there be one of you in this congregation
who has not settled his account with the
printer, go and adjust it immediately, and
be able to hold up your head in Society
like a giraffe; be respected by th« wise
and the good; free from the torture of a
guilty conscience, the mortification of re
peated duns, and escape from falling into
tha clutches of lawyers, which is one and
the kame thing. If you are honest ‘and
honorable men,-you will go forth and l pay
the printer.
You will not wait for to-morrow —it is
but a visionary receptacle for unredeemed
promises—ru addlsd egg in the great
nest of = the future, and the debtor’s hope
mid the creditor’s curse. If you arc dis
honest low mindea sons of Satan, I .do not
suppose you will pay the printer, as you
have no reputation to loose, no character
to sustain, no morals to cultivate. But
let me tell you, my friends, that if you do
it, your paih to .the tomb will he strewed
with thorns-; you will have to gather ypur
food from brambles, your children will die
of dysenjtery, yourselves will never enjoy
the blessings of health. .'
T once cßllcd upon a sick person whpm
the doctor had given' up as a gone case.
I asked him if he made his peace with
his Maker.’ He said he thonght he bad
squared • I then inquired if hb had
forgiven Ais .epLeinies ? Hp replied yes.
I then asked him if he had paid the prin
ter- He hesitated a moment, and then
said he thought he owed him about two
dollars and fifty cents, which he desired
would .he'pMd pbfore he gave good-bye 'to
the world. jHia desire .was Immediately
gratified, and from that moment ho be
.came £(e is now living, in
the enldyment of good health'and prosper
ity,' at peach with his conscience, 1 las (xdd ?
and the w0r1d*....., _J'.. •''
vJ«t hiin he. jah example for yon, my
fiends. Patronize the printer, take his
paper and pay for it in advance, and your
daya win Be long upon the earth ; and
oyerfieiriog with the nonOy of happiness.
; J|®r. i Oiiher toafipiohs
%tter themand aeemiiigly to contcntl»cl
#ripal Huftrg.
TO A GffiL KISITTIIIG.
jr Kiss toiass a. vie*nor.
Always knitting, lady bright,
J*om the morning tfll the night,
Taking stitches one by one.
Will that stocking ne'er be done?
Short Patent Sermon.
Text—Pay the Printer.
ALTOONA, PA., THURSDAY, MARCH 17, 1859.
Love lu a Tunnel.
Many amusing anecdotes of ventrilo
qtasts have been published, and many more
told, that have not been published: But
we think the are few ventriloquil Incidents
that will , compare With one we Witnessed
recently on the oars of the Virginia Cen
tral Hailraid. We have read anecdotes of
ftiohols, Kenworthy, Love, Sutton, Har
rington and Blitz, but think the following
actual occurrence rwill bear favorable men
tion, side by side with either.
The cam left Charlottevile, Va., for
Staunton, at 12 m., and entered the tun
nel, Which sis very long and very dark,
about half past I p. m. We had hardly
been shut out from daylight, when a noise
was heard |n the reaJf end of the last car.
The and several passengers, who
were standing on the platform, entered the
I car with aview to discover the cause of the
disturbance. But owing to the extreme
'.darkness, nothingicould be seen. While
patiently waiting to hear the slightest
movement, which ; might explain the ex->
citement, a! boisterous noise, resembling
the sound produced by fervent kissing
and.at the,, same moment a female voice
was heard Exclaiming;
f “ Get out you brute ! Let me alone !
111 call the conductor! Keep your hands
off sir I This is shameful!"
li Where- is he !” ; cried the conductor
in an angry tone, approaching the direc
tion whence the sounds proceeded.
“ Here !f says the lady, “this end of
the car, arrest him! he insulted me shame
fully—here he is again I Will you let me
alone ? I tllink it a burning shame that a
respectable lady should be treated in this
manner V* -
“ Get in the ladies’ car, then !” shouted
a gruff voice.' “ You have no business
here !’’
“She has a right here!” replied the
conductor, seizing :the individual he sup
posed guilty of a misdemeanor.
“ You needn’t grabb me,” said a husky
voiced old man ; “ I didn’t touch her; I
haven't seen a woman inr the car!”
The conductor : scented confused, and
retraced his stops to the forward end of
the car. Again the voice was heard, ap
parently in the roar.
“ Here he is again, conductor! Go
away ! quit I let me aloue ! this is shame
ful ! Keep your hands to yourself, sir !
I’ll leave the car! You follow if you
dare?” '
This language was followed by an ex
plosion resembling' the concussion of two
lips. All Was confusion. The sympathi
zing passengers were ail standing up,
highly excited ; but owing to the darkness
and the uncertainty that existed from
whence the;sounds proceeded, nothing was
done. A noise like the rustling of silk
was heard , the rear door of the car opened
and then closed with a banging sound,
making the extraordinary stillness which
followed fearful to contemplate, which
fearfulness increased to horror, when the
conductor Announced that the lady' must
have stepped off the platform, as there was
no car attached.
The cars were stopped by tie signal
rope, and 3 lantern procured, when the
passengers headed by the conductor, gro
ped slowly and silently back through the
tunnel, expectih£ momentarily to discover
the mutilated remains of the unfortunate
female. But ajfter searching back to the
mouth of the tunnel, nothing'was found,
and they sadly retraced their steps.
Upon arriving at the train, a passenger
suggested that the,cause of the excitement
be arrested;’ and in the cars went the party
searching qvery seat until they came to a
person, leaping forward 011 the back of a
seat in front op him, apparently asleep,—
Xhp conductor rotighly shook the sleeper,
when he raised his head, when lo! and
behold, ii was Wyman, the ventriloquist.
liie party very reluctantly swallowed
the unmitigated “sell.” The cars started
and sped on to their place of destination,
having been detained one hour over time.
will not quarrel with you about
my opinion, only see that your heart be
right toward God, that you know aid love
tlie Lord Jesus Christ, that you love your
neighbor, and walk as your master walked,
and i desire no mpre. lam siek of opin
ions ; I am weary to hear them ; my soul
loathes this frothy ’ food. Give me solid
and substantial religion; give me a bum
ble gentle lover of God and man ; a man
full of merqy and good faith; without par
tiality, and without hypocracy; a man
laying himself out jin the work of faith,
the patience of hope, the labor of love. —
Let ray soul be ivith these Christians;
wheresoever they [are, and whatsoever
opinion they are df-—JbA» Wesley.
, Aw Irish Loth Qch Paddj!
swate Paddy! if I-Was yef daddy, I’d kill
y6u 'with kisses* ehtirely.; if I .was your
brother, and likewitfe your mother, I’d geo
that you went to ; hied airly. To taste .of
yOur breath I woßld starve me to dgath,
and lay of my hoops altogether ; to just
: haye a taste of ydari arin cmine waist.and
lajif at the ipanegt of weather Bear Pad-
mine,y me John sweat v^ehtine—
[inimbkendent in EVERYTHING.]
I-.- r
Col* Smttb lit the Jonei Family.
“ Well, after dark T put up with a first
rate, goddnatured fellow that I met at the
billiard, table. I went in and was intro
ducedto his wife, a fine, fat woman, look
ing as though she lived on laffin', her face
was so full of fan. After a while, after
we’d talked about my girl, and about the
garden, and about the weather, in come
three or four children, laffin’ and skipping
as merry as crickets. There , was no can
dle lit, but I could see that they were fine
looking fellqws, and I started for my sad
dle-bags in which I bad put a lot of sugar
candy as I went along.
“ Oome here,” said I, “ you little rogue;
come here and tell me what your name is.’,
The oldest came to me and says; “My
name is Peter, Jones.”
“ And what’s your name, sir?”
“ Bob Jones.” ■
The next said his name was Bill Jones,
and the fourth said his name was Tommy
Jones. I gave ’em sugar candy, and old
hire. Jones was so tickled that she laugh
ed all the time. Mr. Jones looked on,
but didn’t say much.
“ Why,” says I, “ Mrs. Jones, I would
not takei a good deal for them four boys,
if. I had ' ’em, they are so beautiful and
sprightly.”
“ Ko,” says she, biffin’, “ Dset a good
deal on ’em, but we spoil ’em too much.”
“Ko, no,” says .1, “ they’re well be
haved children, and by gracious,” says I,
protending to be startled by a striking re
semblance between the boys and father,
and I looked at Mr. Jones, “I never did
see anything equal to it,” says I, “ your
own-eyes, mouth, forehead, and perfect
pictur’ of hair, sir,” tapping the eldest on
the pate.
_ I thought that Mrs. Jones would have
died laffin’ at that; her arms fell down by
her side, and she shook LhcVhole house.
“Do you think so, Mr, Smith ?” said
she, looking towards Mr. Jones, and I
tho’t she’d go off in l a fit.
“ Yes,” says I, “ I do really.”
“Haw, haw, haw,” says Mr. Jones;-
kind o’ lathin’, “you are too hard on me,
now, with your jokes.”
“ I ain’t a joken’ at all,” says I; “ they
are handsome children, and do look won
derfully like you.”
Just then a-gal brought alight in, and
I’ll be darned if the little brats didn’t turn
out to be niggers, every one of’em, and
their heads curly all over. 31r. and Mrs.
Jones never had any children, and they
petted them niggers as play things.\ I
never felt so streaked as I did when I
found out how things stood.
- To Delay Blossoms. —Any fruit trees
may bo made to bloom sufficiently late in
the season to prevent the fruit from beinq
injured by the frost, and consequently
present a fine, heavy crop, by the following
judicious treatment:—ln the middle of
winter, when the ground is most severely
frozen, put a large pile of wheat straw or
oak leaves around the roots, letting it ex
tend some distance in every direction, so
as to cover the extended roots that ap
proach the surface of the earth. Cover
this pile with planks or boards, so that no
rain can fall upon the pile. Let this cover
remain until all danger from frost has pas
sed. Then remove the cover and straw
and look for a splendid crop to fullow soon.
The rationale of this is : the frozen earth
will not thaw until late in the spring, if
the pile remain ; and while the eartb is
frozen the trees cannot bloom ; but when
the danger is past, remove the covering,
and the tree will bloom speedily. Try it,
famer.friends. —Hew Yorker.
Men’s' Eyes will Wander. —Show
but a strip of white stocking above your
boot, or a bit of an embroidered skirt; or a
Balmoral, and you may lead a New York
er by the nose all over Manhattan, though
airmail street stand waiting for Him.—
I.have positively seen gentlemen stand at
the ferry gate when their arms were half
broken with bundles, eargerly bobbing
their heads, this way and that to catch a
sight of the gaiter boots as they alighted
from the various omnibuses. And not all
young men either, but gray-headed old
codgers, who had grandpa written all over
them. “Why should a woman care abont
it if her ankeb be pretty ?” “ Care ?” It
may be just possible that if an exhibition
is fore-ordained and inevitable, she may
prefer to choose her audience.
Working up Sawdust.— The inge
nuity of Parisian cabinet niakers in the
Faubourg St, Antoine, has found a use
for common;sawdust which raises the val
ue of that commodity far above the worth
of solid timber. By a new process, com
bining the, hydraulic „press and the, appli
cation of intense heat, these wooden parti
cles; are made to re-form themselves into
a solid mass, capable of being moulded
into any shape, and presenting a brilliant
surface, a durability and beauty of appear
ance not found in ebony, rosewood, or
mahogany.
lib h> said -that a roasted onion hound
hulim,wiU&opibe
Sian’s Superiority.
There is an intolerant spirit in the breast
of man, whi ch ought to be -rebuked. Re
is continually attacking, and,—j almost
would say-—attempting td degrade Her
whom he pretends to elevate. * She is
made the subject of ridicule - and jest in
every place. Pick up the public Journals,
and i their columns are filled with burlesque
accounts of some accidents befalling some
unfortunate lady in hoops.'■ Editors and
writers hard been doating over this sub
ject for the last (year or Suppose
ladies do wear hoops ifit .be their good
pleasure, in what way does it concern man ?
It most tnfly bo a morbid taste that can
enjoy such silly nonsense, and yet we are
told that man is strong-minded. ' If it Is
not hoops it is gossip, and if not gossip it
is woman’s rights dr something else—and
continually he amuses- himself, quite for
getting his own faults.
“ Mao, proud man, dressed in a little brief au
thority,
Plays such fantastic tricks before High Heaven,
as make the angels veep,"
Did not the dignity of our sex demand
a rebuke, I should lay down my pen and
keep silent; but when the manifest and
gross injustice of the haughty Lord of
Creation becomes so apparent, I think I
should be untrue to my sex klid I not re
sent his insolence. -
Has man any superiority to boast of ?
If so, what is it? is it when he struts
along the street with a horse blanket
thrown over his shoulders, thinking that
he looks very effeminate ? Or is'it when
he is indulging in the use of’*tobacco,
making himself an object of disgust to
all decent persons? He is unfit for the
"parlor, and even profanes the house of
God with this fihhy habit. Perhaps it is
when drinking spiritoud liquors, and reel
ing to and fro, or lying in the gutter in a
state of beastly intoxication. Perhaps it
is in the tyranny which he displays to
wards our sex, forcing us to labor for half
the rcnumevatioQ that he would give to
his own. If these are not his excellencies,
then where is his boasted supremacy ?
Echo answers where? Let him who is
without sin cast the first stone. .1 am not
in favor ot woman’s rights as advocated
by fanatics, but as good sense and modes
ty demand. A Lady of Dignity.
A New Invention.— -Mr. Norman
Wlard, of Wisconsin, proposes to construct
a watertight iron boat for the conveyance
of passengers and freight on the ice,‘with
greater safety, economy and speed than
can be done by any other known means of
transit.
These boats will entirely supersede the
necessity of railroads in winter, where
built parallel to rivers in cold climates. —
The track costs nothing, and is kept in
repair without expense; a depth of snow
which would stop a train of cars would
make no visible impression on the speed
or progress of this ice-boat. ;
If the icc should fail, the boat would
rest upon the water, and by the power of
the engines could be launched upon, the
iee with greater ease than a locomotive
could be replaced upon tbe track when off.
The boat which I first propose; to build,
will be twelve feet in width by seventy
feet in length,,and when resting upon tbe
water would displace' about one foot in
depth. It will be propelled by a pair of
locomoljive engines, acting on a single
driving-wheel, to which adhesion is given
-by various devices.
He now wishes to obtain sufficient cap
ital to enable him to construct one of
these boats, for immediate use on the Up
per Mississippi.
A Fatalist. —A western paper pub
lishes the following: “ I knew an old
man who believed that ‘ what was to be
would be." He lived in a region infested
by very Ravage Indians. lie uhvays took
his gun with him, hut this time he found
that some of his family had taken it out.
As ho would not go without it, his friends
tantalized him, by saying that there was
no danger of the Indians; that he would
npfc die till his time came anyhow. ‘ Yes,’
says the. old fellow, ‘ but suppose, I was to
meet an Indian, and his time was pome, it
wouldn’t do not to have my grin.’”
An ingenious downeaster has con
structed a immature factory village, with
engines, wheels, windmills,'callages, wa
terfalls, persons waking, playing, swing
ing, &c., and the whojfe ?ci: delicately ar
ranged, and so nicely adjtoted, as to ha
put iu complete operation hy a single
mouse, which travels in a Small circular
cage, as squirrels are often seen doing.
B®,Fanny Fern says, "if one-half of
the girls knew ; the previous life of the
men they marry, the Ijsf of old maids
would be wondemilly increased, w arid the
Boston Post adds that •if the men could
only look into- the- fixture life of the women
they toafry the number of old maids would
he, greatly advanced., '
" Sally/* witty young xw»* to a
girl with red hair,. *? keep aw -from ms»
or yduwiiJset'me afire- of
• f >
•A- -5 i-. J
:-.k
V* *.T\
‘C f {
EDITORS AND PROPRIETORS. -
Bm Ma>V*k «*4 tbe
At the celebration of the Boras*Cea
tennaiy In Glasgow, Mr. Srame! Lover,
in proposing the toast of “ The Lassies,”
saidtLadiee end gentlemen, it seemaa
sort of practical punthatthe lassies should
be proposed by a Lover, (laughter.) Rut
1 hope the ladies that are here, will be
lieve that an Irish lover is never defiant
in paying his homage to what has beeu
called the most beautiful half of the hu.
man rape, (cheers.) Ladies, in your smile
exists the "“poet’s reward. There totvcr
was a poet yet that
—(hear, hear,) —and ’ preeminently l tke
bard whose name we have meKthis ‘lh
honor worshipped w the lasses, o (Loud
applause.) But the greatest poet in the
world, whatever might behia
the power of making loye .was very graisl
in J?obert Burns—cannot make foVehy
himself. He must have a lady to help
him—(laughter)—and I day that,
from all my experience, very good helps _
they are. (Renewed
peare has comprised uridex bne head, the
lunatic, the lover, and the poet;andWfceli
I first became a lover, 1 felteonvißesd
that Shakspeare was right in saying thit
a lover was a lunatic, (laughter.)
Mr. Chairman, ladies, and genUemeu
for I wish to call as many witness as I can
tii this fact—l found madness so deHghi
ful that I think I never have beennght
in my senses since (great laughter j) bat
if ever I have had a lucid interval, ithas
only been to sigh fur bedlam again, and
call upon Cupid for my keeper.
I6f* Some one takes off the peculiar ad
jective system now in use, and deservedly,
too: “At the break&st table,” says he,
“ coffee, excruciatingly hot, is poured out
of a lovely pot, and accompanied by bread
and butter of infinite excellence. In oar
walks—when the vile weather does hot
prevent our walking—we have the sweet
est vessels that ever sailed the waters, the
most exquisite cows that ev?r ato grass;
and returning agonized with, cold, wejaot
seldom find a heavenly fire* by which we
sit down enraptured, comfortably bewail
ing the cruel shortness of thqdaysj and
the eternal length of the
larly when we have an immeasurable
quantity of nuts, to crack, of which the la
dies declare themselvesto be devotedly
fond. The indulgence in such expletives
is a sure sign of an imperfect education.
Bbatii.—Wo thought hothinig neir
could be said about death, but Taylor, of
the Chicago Journal, has the following
ideas‘ ; ‘ r ’ / '■ ' ■
f‘ is a dignity abput that going
away alone, we call dying * that wrapping
the mantle of mortality about ns; that put
ting aside with a pale hand, the aznze cur
tains tbiat are drawn around this cradle of
a world; that-venturing away frpm home
the first time in our lives, for we are not
dead; there is nothing dead to apeak of,
and seeing foreign countries hot hud down
on any maps we knowhbput. Theft must
be lovely lands, starward, fprnpne ever re
turn that go hither, and we very much
duubt if any Koaldif Uisy could.” ;
B®. A servant girl,in thetoWn ofA
——in England, whose beauty formed
matter of general admiration and discus
sion, in passing a group of officers in the
street, heard one of them exclaim to his
fellows, “By heaven she’s painted I”
Turning round, she very quietly replied,
“ Yes, sir , and by Heaven only 1* - . iho
officer acknowledged the force,pf die re
buke, and apologized, ; : ,
BSL. Man is liter a snotv-balT. - I Leave
him lying in idleness against ;tbe sunny
fence of prosperity, and all tho good'tfcuTs
in him melts like butter y hut kink hfp»
around, and. ho gathers sirppgtn w{ih
every revolution until Tie into ah
avalanche. To succeed yonmustkbep
moving*
The XoyE. or Gni«Gls':~iL
oboq broken Into, sbob" goes, andit irtee
same with arcsolution. A resolution,
pnbroken, is as hard aa.gold; once change
?f> apditTia thrown, as it were, into so
inapy coppers, andrapidly melts away.
B&»Hopeg and cares, anxieties, and
fears, divideour life. "Would you be free
from these anxieties ? think every day
will be your your last, and then suocoecf
ing hours will be the more welcome/be
cause unexpected. '
Hever. seek to be entrusted
youi> friend’s secrets, for/ hd mltter how
‘faithful you may keep it, yon will be lia
ble in a thousand contingencies to the ana*
picion of having betrayed it.
Bg&.One man asked another why Ids
beard war brown and his hair white 7
“ Because/' he said, i{ one is twenty years
younger than the other.”
the welt-spring of pleasure,
a messenger of peace, a precious tbleg,
hallowed: dream, ■ ..
IrV
NO. 7.