c
THE LATEST HUMOR.
MRS. II HOWIV.S VISIT
TO TUB
PARIS EXHIBITION.
WHAT THE OLD LADY SAW AND
DID THERE.
BY ARTHUR SKETCH LEY,
AUTHOR OF "TUB BROWN PAPERS."
PART III.
Continued from yesterday's issue.)
We'd 'ad a late breakfast, and bo I got Borne
refreshments at a place in the Bore, aa come
to a good deal, tho only a bottle of beer and a
roll with a bit of sausage, aa they give us
ready enough; and then 1 saya to Mrs. Arch
Lutt, "But suppose aa we was to walk Paris
wsja-bit." As she -were agreeable, and on
we goes a-dawdlin' and a-restin' on them
8f at8, as certingly is werry convenient, and
jest as we got agin the Arch de Trionif,
as they calls it, I says, "We'll wait for a 'buss
as '11 take us right into Paris as far as ever we
likes to go. But," I says, "they do say aa the
thing is to Bee the wiew from the top of this
'ere arch."
"Oh," she Bays, "I should like to Bee it
above everythink."
I was sorry as I'd spoke, for she's that stout
as stairs is death to 'er, and can't abear to
be thought it, and that touchy if you illudes
to it.
Bo I Bays, "Well, it's a good many stairs."
'She says, "Is'ever mind, we can take it
easy."
It's all werry fine for to talk of takin' it
eany, but there's some things as you can't
take easy, and stairs is one on 'em, for I'm
sure I took them stairs crawlin' like, and 'adn't
'ardly no breath left when 'arf way up, and aa
to Mrs. Archbutt, when she got to the top, I
thought as die she would. She set down then
and there, and quite fought for 'er breath,
for the wind was that 'igh as it was enough to
take you off your legs.
So a-seein' 'er that bad, I goes to 'er and
unties 'er bonnet, and if the wind didn't take
it clean off 'er 'ead, bonnet, cap, 'air and all,
as she got fastened in.
If you'd 'eard 'er scream, and me
too, you'd 'ave thought we was killed.
Up come some parties as showed as
they wasn't ladies and gentlemen, for
they roared with larfture as soon as they Bee
Urs. Archbutt a-settin' there 'elpless in 'er
bald 'ead.
It wasn't no use me a-sayin' as I were sorry,
for she wouldn't 'ear reason, and kep' a-sayin'
as it woiAd be 'er death. I tied 'er pocket
'ankercher and mine over 'er 'ead the best as
I could, and as soon as she'd got 'er breath,
down we goes, and all the way 'ome she kep'
on at me a-sayin' as 'er bonnet was quite aa
good as new, as is only a covered shape, and
never become 'er thro' be in' blue, as she's as
yaller as a guinea, and don't Buit with blue,
and could show her nose anywheres without
'er 'air, as was a dreadful old gasey with the
partin' all wore out; and I'm sure she'll look
all the better in a new one, as we was a-goin'
to get 'er at once; but she'd got that awful
cold, with the rheumatics in 'er 'ead, aa bed
was 'er place all the next day, and a nice job
I 'ad a-nursin' 'er, as cross as two sticks, and
that wild with Archbutt, as said she did ought
to know better than go a-climbin' up places
with 'er weight; and so we 'ad to put oil our
journey to Wersales, as was aa well, for the
weather was werry lowery.
It was towards evenin' as Miss Tredwell she
come in and says, "Oh, we've 'ad sich a de
lightful day, and been to see all them lovely
picters as they've got in the Louver, as is a
place as you've got to see, Mrs. Brown, but,
p'raps, won't understand, as is that classical."
So I says, "See the Louver, in course, I 'ave
often, as I don't consider a decent place for a
female; and I'm sure parties as it belongs to
did ought to be ashamed of theirselves not to
ave them picters finished proper, and put the
clothes on them heathen creetures, as is left
a-standin' there without a rag to cover 'em,
tho' certingly fine-limbed figgers; but I don't
'old with them bold ways myself not as they
looks much like 'uman bein's, aa I can Bee,
but, in course, was different in them days."
So Miss Tredwell says, as all she cared to
look at was the kings and queens, and sich
like.
"Yes." I says, "they certingly do 'ave fine
'eads of 'air them kings and queens," aa no
wonder, 'avin' to stand bare-'eaded in the open
liair, as you see 'em in them picters, and some
on 'em 'avin' to ride thro' the town with
nothink on but a 'ead of 'air, like the lady at
Coventry on 'er bare-backed Bteed, aa goes
thro' Coventry once a-year. Now, I've 'eard
Bay aa Peeping Tom got struck blind for
a-darin' to look out of the winder at 'er, aa
certingly wasn't deoent behavior.
So Miss Tredwell, she says, "Oh! Mrs. Brown,
'ow can you be so coarse a illudin' to sich sub
ject afore the oppersite sect," for we waa
a-settin' all together over our tea a-chattin'
agreeable.
Brown, he, in course, jined agin me, bo I
didn't Bay no more; but next time as that im
pident minx 'as the cramps, she may 'oiler for
me, aa she won't find a-gettin' out of my bed
in a 'urry agin for 'er.
It was agreed as we waa to go to Wersales
in the mornin', as Mrs. Wells said as she were
glad 'ad been put off, thro' 'avin' not 'ad 'er
things as was lost in the train till that werry
day, and certainly 'ad not been a figger for to
go to no grand sights.
T don't think as ever I did 'ear quite sich a
ernmbler as that old Wells; the row aa he
Ma meals, a-findin' fault with every
think, a-sayin' as the 'am were too salt, and
4u nnt strong, and the coffee thick, aa were
not true, for I'm aa partickler as anybody; and
tho', of course, things wasn't aa nioe as if
you'd only a small lamny, mey was an guuu
and wholesome, and quite as good a8 ever he
Kot at 'ome; for I'm sure there waa ia betters
t.. tAVin' of tea aud cold meat quite
thankful, as it's wonderful they could supply
Buch a party bo well; and while we was at tea,
there waa a large party in the next room, as
were a scuooi --- --- i
" a marrv tiIha it sounded. But somehow I
was a little tired, went to bed in good time,
Zm a-knowin' aa I'd a 'ard day's work afore
me
8 il w tn wit 1 1" (r
I never did see novum b ' f "
than that Notter uam, -8
hurch. and sometwuK o", "
t S ken' and all lovely, though Miss
Serit' at, and sayin' as she didn't 'old
THE DAILY EVENING TELEGRAPH PHILADELPHIA, T.y Sp AY,
I Fays, "And what do yon think as they
would say about your way?" I says, "If you
don't like it you can leave it, as nobody asked
you to come in;" and 1 says "if I'd my way
I'd precious soon 'ave you out."
Just then Brown came up with us as 'ad
been to the top of the tower, as I didn't seem
to see a-goin' up myself, and as to Mrs. Arch
butt, Ehe quite 'ollered out at the bare thought, 1
no doubt a-rememberin' of her bonnet.
Well Brown 'ad been up all the way along
with Archbutt, and when he ketched Misa
Tredwell a-jeerin' and a-larfin at the church,
and give her eech a-settin' down as made
'er take to the sulks, and walks 'erself
out of the church, as it wasn't the place
for 'er.
Of all the lovely things as ever you see, it's
the clothes as the ministers wear, and the
plate as ia gold, and was all stole and throwed
into the river by thieves in a net for to 'ide it,
as marked the spot where they'd sunk it by a
cork as was tied to the net, so in course didn't
iioat down the stream, as is a tremenjous cur
rent, and so caught the eye of some one aa was
on the look-out, and if they didn't fish up all
the lot, as was a nice sell for them rascally
thieves, and glad I was to 'ear it, the waga
bones, tho' it's no wonder, aa they'd like to
have them as is that valuable, not aa they're
too good, for nothink can't be when you cornea
to think what they're intended for, and werry
solemn too; and they was a-beginuin' to sing
lovely with the orpin, as I stopped and lis
tened to, and who should we meet in iat
church but Mr. Ditcher, as I 'adn't 6een afore
not this time as we'd been in Paris, and glad
to Fee Mm. a-knowin' as he'd show us every
think; for Brown, he'd walked oil with Arch
butt, through not a-carin' for to see them
things.
When we got out there was Miss Tredwell
a-sayin' as she was ready for to die with
tiredness.
"Well, then," I says, "take a 'buss to where
we've agreed to meet," as was that English
place near the Magalin.
fc-he says as she shouldn't think of going
about alone.
"Well, then," I says, "be civil and come
along with us as is a-goin' to look at one or
two things more as is near at 'and," and Mr.
Ditcher 'ad promised to take us to, as is 'is
good-natured ways; so we went to see the
Pally de Jnstiss and the Saint Chapell, as one
of them French kings brought from the 'Oly
Land, as is werry ancient, and I'm sure the
place as he did used to say 'is prayers in, as
he could look thro' into the chapel by a little
'ole, was a nice dungeon of a place; andtalkin'
of dungeons reminds me as Mr. Ditcher got us
in for to see the Consurgery, where the poor
dear French Queen were kep' for two nights
and a day afore they murdered 'er, by a-drag-gin'
'er on a cart to the scaffoldin', with 'ardly
a rag to 'er back.
It give me quite a turn when I see the awful
place, as it were, for to keep any one in, let
alone a queen, as bore all that meek, for I
know werry well as I'd have tore them willins
of soldiers' eyes out, as never left 'er alone a
moment, but set there a-watchin' 'er, the un
decent wagabones, aa wasn't men, but devils,
I do believe. I felt that sorry for 'er as I
could 'ave kissed the ground as she trod upon,
to think of what she must 'ave suffered, aa
I've seen the picter3 of 'er with a 'ead of 'air
all piled up and powdered, a-settin' in state
like a queen, and then another aa showed 'er
in that dungeon a-waitin' for death, aa must
'ave been a 'appy release indeed.
I 'ope as it wasn't wicked on me for to feel
glad when they showed us the dungeon next
to 'em, where they shet up in 'ia turn one of
the 'ead willins 'as 'ad done it all in the name
of Robberspear, as died in hagony with 'is
jaw-bone broke afore they cut 'ia good-for-nothink
'ead off; and I do say, if I was the
French I wouldn't allow none of them picters
to be showed as represents them awful times,
as is a downright disgrace to 'uman natur', as
is bad enough, goodness knows.
I was glad to get out of that place, as is a
prison now, and I see them prisoners thro' a
gratin' as was a-waitin' for their dinner or
somethink to eat; and it give me quite a turn
to look at 'em, and took werry good care not
to be out last, for fear as I might be left be
hind, as I well remembers a-'earin' of a tale
of a party as went down somewheres under
ground for to see the cutty-combs, and what
ever he could want to see 'em for I can't
think, as ain't showed no more uow-a-days,
and if he didn't get shet in thro' a-lingerin'
behind, and not keepin' up with the guide,
and wasn't found for months arter, crouchiu'
behind a door, as 'ad eat 'is own shoulders
away with famishin' 'unger, as ia a sharp
thorn and will drive parties to eat one an
other, the same as I've 'eard aboard ship, aa
is their 'abits when lost at sea; tho' for my
part I'd rather starve to death a thousand
times than eat a fellow-creetur.
We'd jest come out of Notter Dam when
Mr. Ditcher says to me, "Mrs. Brown, mum,
ave you see tne morg r
I Bays, " Whoever s her"
"Ohl" he says, "it's the French dead-
'ouse, where they puts any one as comes to a
accidental end, and them, p'raps, as 'aa met
wnn ioui piay.
"Wen," l says, "them ain't things as I
cares to see."
"Oh," he says, "you're that near as you'd
better step in."
bo I says, "Werry well." for Mr. Ditcher
he knows Paris that well, and all the dodges,
tlirn' 'avin' llval tVaya siita - . i
xuaiucu w a ncuui wumau, uuu, lie a KUOW a
Brown some years afore, and was that glad for
to see us in Paris; and if it 'adn't been for 'ini
4 V.Annli . 1 1 111 .
1 shouldn't never 'ave seen or know'd 'arf as
I do know about Paris, as is one of the dod
giest places as ever you 'eard tell on.
so, I saya to 'im, "Mr. Ditcher, if you
takea me there, I'll go." So Miss Tredwell
said as she wouldn't for the world, no
more wouldn't Mrs. Archbutt. So me and
Mr. Ditcher went in together, and it cer
tingly did give me a turn when I see
three mortal dead bodies laid there in a strong
case, a-lookin' that frightful as made me feel
sick at 'art, for I couldn't bear to see them
lay in' there dead drowned, and all their poor
clothes a-'angin' over their 'eads, as showed
as want 'ad drove many a one to do it; and I
was a-sayin' to Mr. Ditcher, "Ah 1 if them
clothes could speak they'd tell many a tale of
misery and want;" and I Bays, "Let's come
away, poor things, for we can't do 'em no
good, and it's thankful as I am as there ain't
no one there as 1 can indemnify."
Just as we was turnin' away we met an old
woman with 'er grey 'airs a-streainur from
under her cap, aa come a-rushin' in and
looked that detracted as I couldn't but stare
at 'er, and says to Mr. Ditoher. "Look there,"
when she give a scream as went right thro
me, and fell Hat on the stones with that crash
Just at my feet as made me nearly lump out
of my skin. Mr. Ditcher and me picked 'er
up, and it he didn't know 'er, and told me all
about 'er aiterwards, tho' fust we got 'er to
the 'ospital, and then he said as it were that
melancholy, and he know'd it all to be true,
for it 'appened in the house aa he were a-livin'
in, and he know'd 'er well, as wera a poor
widder with a only boy aa she doted on, and
would work 'erself to death, poor soul, for to
let 'im 'ave pocket-money, aa waa kep' short
thro' Lein' in the army, aa hi not allowed
much more than three farthin's a day, as don't
go far in tobacco and beer. !
Hut he was the pride of 'er 'eart, and took
that pleasure in seein' 'im in 'is uniform, as
I'm sure I should be werry sorry for to eee
a boy of mine in, as is a disfigurement, and I
can't ,a-bear the sight of them red breeches;
and ap to bein' a soger, it was nearly the death
of me when my Joe liwted, but the French
is different, thro' bein' a blood-thirsty race;
and Mr. Ditcher said as this poor old soul
seemed quite cut up when her son's time was
up as never settled down steady like, but
wouldn't take no pleasure in 'is work, as were
a cabinet-maker by trade; but, law, 'owever
can you expect any one to settle down to work
arter bein' a eojer.
Well, this young feller he fell in love with
a werry nice young gal, as 'er father wouldn't
'ear on it, and 'ad agreed as she was to marry
another rarty, as she didn't care nothink
about; and the poor gal she took it so to 'art,
as for to go and pison 'erself. And Mr.
Ditcher said as he should never forget that
young man's face the night as she died, as
was only four days ago; and he come into 'is
mother's shop, and kissed 'er, a-lookin'
ghastly white, and says, "Goodnight, mother."
She says, "Where are you agoiu' to-night,
Antoine f"
He only says, "To bed to sleep;" and out he
goes, but never went to bed, and only to 'is
long sleep, for he didn't come in to breakfast
in the mornin'; and then some one come and
told the poor old lady, as the young gal, her
eon's sweet'art, 'ad pisoued 'erself the night
afore.
Then she says, "My boy is dead too; I know
it I know it;" and if she didn't rush out of
the place, and went down to that Morg, but
there wasn't no body of her son there. But
she wouldn't give it up, but come again twice
that day, and the fust thing the next mornin',
without finding 'im, as waa only brought in
just afore we went in to see it;, and that's 'ow
it were as we see 'er.
I do believe I felt as much for that poor
bouI as if she 'adn't been a foreigner, as 'er
poor, pale, distracted face 'aunted me; and I
saya, when I got 'ome, as I'd never go to see
no more Morgs, and, before the week waa out,
Mr. Dichter told me as the poor old lady were
dead, and no doubt a broken 'art, as I'm sure
it would be my death for to see a boy of mine
a-layin' in that dreadful place, as I can't get
the sight out of my eyes night nor day.
And we see the 'ospital, aa it looks like a
pallis, and thousands of poor creeturs a-suf-feiin'
there, as is called God's House; and so
it is, for comfortin' and relievin' them as is
afflicted, and I'm sure them good sisters aa
misses them day and night for love, is a
beautiful sight alone, and to think of any one
a-doin' on it all for strangers, as is a painful
duty by a friend; and that quiet and nice in
their ways, as is sich a comfort in a sick room,
and not to be neglected as some of our sick,
as whatever can you expect when some of
them 'ospital nusses did used to be downright
wretches, as would rob and ill-use the sick,
as 'appened to poor 'Liza Burress many years
ago, as I remember, in a 'ospital, as died ne
glected, and only found out thro' a poor gal
aa was in the same ward aa told of their goin's
on; but there's some, I'm told, aa is werry
good, and improvin' every day.
Miss Tredwell, she didn't seem for to care
about the 'ospital, and she says, "I do be
lieve, Mrs. Brown, as you're a downright
reg'lar nuss."
"Well," I says, "and what if I am where's
the 'arm ? and you may be glad on my 'elp
yet afore you dies;" and I walks on, and we
leaves the 'ospital; and I makes my obedi
ence to one of them sisters, and says, "It's
sorry I am, mum, not for to be able to tell you
as I thinks, you're ahornament to your sect,"
as Mr. Ditcher told 'er in French, and she
shook 'ands with me quite freely, aa I felt
more proud on than if she'd been a queen.
By the time aa we'd done that we
waa reg'lar done up, and glad
for to ketch a 'busa aa took us
to the Magalin; and there we met the others
as 'ad been elsewheres, and glad I was for to
'ave a good draught of beer and some cold
meat, for I can't stand the wish-wash wittlea
and drink aa the French lives on, as don't seem
to 'ave no strength in it, and some on it is
downright muck, for never shall 1 forget bein'
perswaued for to taste a snail, as I shouldn't
have knowed what it was to look at it all but
the shell.
Mr. Ditcher, he was along with us, arid said
as they was considered fine things for the
chest, as I'd got a nasty cold on myself, so I
agreed as I'd 'ave some. It give me a bit of a
turn when they brought 'em, and a little fork
a-purpose to pick 'em out with; and nasty
black stuff it looked as we did pick it out, and
we all agreed as we'd taste 'em together. Bo
Mr. Ditcher, as is full of his fun and uncommon
good company, he says, "Now, 'then, all
together," and we all put tne bits as we 'ad
on our forks into our mouths simultanous. I
never did taste nothink like it, and 'opes as I
never shall. I didn't look at nobody else, but
I rushes to the winder, and so did all the rest;
and it wasn't till we'd 'ad brandy round aa
one on us could touch a bit more dinner; but
i win Bay as them frogs as they eats is nice,
that delicate aa you might think it waa fine
Bmall rabbit; not as they're things aa I carea
about, nor yet about rabbits, partickler them
Ostend ones, aa I don't believe ia rabbits at all
in my 'art.
1 never didn't taste no mice, as I'm Riirfl T
never should fancy, as must always be a faint
smell, tho' I've 'eard say thro a unole of mine
as au been in Cheyney as them Chinee would
eat puppy-doe pie and relish it lint frArwl liuof
and mutton is all as I cares about, with lamb
OTlH ntnnl 1 m .
""u visional ior a change, tho' I will
Bay as you gets beautiful meat in France, tho'
a frightful price, nearly two shillin'a a-pound,
- "'"uu as many is drove to mice and
frogs. Iheir wegetables, they're delioioua,
but most parties wants a bit of meat once
of lh&? 1 f0rget tte I0" a8 1 at one
b t Jf WaDg8at the EskiUsbunovera
bit of beef aa they brought me that coarse and
2," lirs" Archbutt felt peckish at one
f .aE f Cd -We 4 take a somethink. Well
"(I si!?ler8 and ,Pond'B but "ay-
d inner? ?ayS' We caa 'a English
l'Zy Dat mei let'siinea la mode de
isIa&"NDTe 0f your 4 a ode we," as
ontof tftJi EfVfr Would touch, not even
alone'itis! mudeUet BhP8 of Lioa M
ia adT T7 r''T6'11 have a somethink aa
make nothtnv 80 1 looks &t the oa a 1 couldn't
Ubbered n' ?nd the Mre that waiter
savs "Oh ? re 1 didnt understand. So I
beeaS?tr,,Bi0PtllaM 1 Bay8' "r0a8t
back with , goe8' ana werry soon come
mashed UteT lfi68 U' and a lumP '
let overbofl L 7he Blde- as m 'a been
when 1 l'a,,d then won't never mash, but
can?' he 1 says, "What you
Hesayfl (Alli oh, yes."
tho' tW'S L"4t EnEll8h 68 tlie ldJt know'd'
I uSn "Wv 8 Up "gliah spoke 'ere."
to my pate. erdoyou cal1 U " a-Piutia'
lie says "Roabif."
J nays, "Never," a Bhakia' my 'ead.
He says, "May wee Bay filly." I coald swear
them was Ms words.
I Bays, "I thought so; filly indeed. I won't
eat none of your 'orstlluBh," I says. "Come
on, Mrs. Archbutt."
Well, that waiter, he danced about us and
says, "pay va." I pays, "Jainmy." He calls
another as ketched 'old of my redicnle. I give
Mm a Bhove as sent Mm agin another as were
carryin' a lot of plates, as sent Mm backwards
on a table full of glasses, and they fetches in
one of them perlice, and a interpreter as stood
me out as filly meant roast beef. So I had to
pay, for there wasn't no standin' agin that
fellow, as would swear any think, for I do be
lieve as in that Exhibishun they was all alike,
them as would say anythink but their prayers,
and them they whistles, aa the sayin' is; and
all I've got to say is, I shan't trust myself in
none of them restorongs no more alone, for
I'm sure that waiter, he looked as if he could
'ave murdered me, and I do think as he would,
only I'd got 'old of my umbreller that firm as
looked determined, and so I was to 'ave give
Mm a topper if he'd touched me agin, for aa I
pays to him, "Paws off, Pompey," as is French,
I knows, for I don't 'old with bein' pulled
about by nobody, let alone with their greasy
fingers, as left a mark on my sleeve as it was,
tho' certingly they are beautiful clean in the
general way, and their linen got up that white
as never can be washed in cold water, the
same as you may see them washerwomen in
boats on the river by the 'undred a-washin'
away, as wouldn't suit me, and it seems tome
as them poor women works 'arder than the
men a-sweepin' the streets, and sich like, aa is
work only fit for slaves, not but what some of
them French is nearly as dark as niggers; and
there was a young gal In the train with us the
day as we was a-goin' to Wersales, as wa3 a
downright tea-pot, with a turbin on the top of
'er black wool, as spoke French jest like the
white ones, as is what they never can do with
the English, as shows as they must be all the
same; for I'm sure the langwidge of them
Christshun Minstrels is downright foolishness,
and I've 'eard 'em speak the same myself
down by the Docks, when they wasn't up to
their larks, with their bones and banjos, and
all manner.
They may talk about weather, but all as
I've got to say of all the weather as ever I
know'd, this 'ere Paris beats it 'oiler a fur
niss one day and a-freezin' the next.
I thought as it were too early for summer
things afore I left 'ome, so wore winter ones,
as was nearly my death with 'eat, for I did
think as I should 'ave melted dead away, and
yet afraid to change; but it was that warm
that I says to Miss Tredwell, "I do think aa I
must wear my yaller musling to-morrow."
She says, "Oh do, for I'm sure you'll look so
nice in a musling." But, law, when I come
to get it out you'd 'ave thought as it 'ad been
in the dirty-clothes bag, it was that dreadful
tumbled; but the young woman as waited on
us as were that civil she said as it could be
ironed out easy, and took it accordin'.
Miss Tredwell she Bays to me, "You ain't
never a-going to wear that musling without a
jupong."
I says, "Whatever do you mean ?"
"Oh," she says, "one of them spring petti
coats." I says, "No crinoline for me."
She says, "Not a crinoline, but," she says,
I'll show you," and runs to 'er room and
fetches one aa waa only a crinoline on a small
scale arter all.
"There," she says; "it's jest enough to make
your musling set helegant, and you're wel
come to it."
I says, "What are you a-going' to do with
out it?"
"Oh," she says, "my dress as I'm a-goin' to
wear ain't made for it, so do take it, for I
shan't wear it no more."
Well, I must say as when I come to put that
musling on it did look werry dabby, for in
ironin' of it out they'd been and damped it, so
as it was as limp as a rag; so I let Miss Tred
well put me oh the jupong, and I wore only a
light jacket as looked werry nice, tho' I must
say as it were werry summery, but it was a
'ot sun 'tho' 'eavy clouds about.
I thought as I must 'ave bust out a-larfin'
in Mrs. Archbutt's face, for if she 'adn't gone
and put on a 'at the same aa Mrs. Wells 'ad
got, and a new wig as curled at the back. Miss
Tredwell, she 'd worda with Mra. Wells jest aa
we waa a-startin', thro' a-sayin' as Mrs. Wells
'ad got 'er parysol, as they'd bought 'em new
together the day before.
Of all the hold fools aa ever I did 'know,
it's that Archbutt, aa will always con
tradict you about the shortest way, and
I'm sure the time as he kep' us a-waitin',
with Mm a spreadin' the plan of Paris up
agin a wall and a-disputin' about the way.
Brown and Wells 'ad started, so I says to Misa
Tredwell, "Let's go by the train, the same aa
we did yesterday;" and so she agreed, and
while old Archbutt was a-talkin' we sloped
on the quiet, as the sayin' is, and got to the
train.
As soon as ever I were at the station I felt
the wind a-blowin' that cool thro' my musling
as I says, "Miss Tredwell, I must go back for
a warm shawl."
We'd took our tickets, and jest at that mo
ment in come the train, and Misa Tredwell
says, "I'll lend you my shawl," and 'nrriea
me down the stairs.
Of all the ill-convenient trains to get into
it's them second-class French, for the sides ia
so steep and the steps that narrer as I couldn't
'rdly climb up at all; but the carriages inside
Is comfortable, tho' narrer.
Of all the roundabouta it ia that way of
goin' to the Exhibishun, aa seems for to whisk
you all round Paris, tho' it gets you there at
last.
We was determined, Miss Tredwell and me,
for to 'ave a good look at the jewels, as ia
splendid. I never did see nothink more lovely
than a lot as belongs to a Oountess.
"Ah," I says, "fine feathers makes fine
birds, but they don't make 'appy ones;" so I
'opes as them diamons isn't got at the prioe of
a 'artache, for I'm told them French 'unhands
ia a awdacious lot, a-goin' on all manner, and
a-givin' of them diamons to their favorites by
the bushel, and often a-ueglectiu' of their
wive 8
I Bays to Misa Tredwell, "Do look there," I
saya, " 'ow careless, to be sure, for to leave
them lovelyjewelfl there," for a-laying outside
on the top of one of them glass-cases there waa
diflmons and rubies, as big as the top of your
finger, as anybody might take.
The gentleman as was a-standin' there were
very perlite, and he smiles and draws his and
along the case, and if them jewels wasn't in
side stuck to the glass.
"Lor," I says, "I could 'ave swore they
could 'ave been picked up."
"Yes " says he, "aud you ain't the only
one as thought the same, fora lady come by
the other day, and throwed 'er 'ankercher
over them, a-askin the prlca of a bracelet
for to take up attention, a-thinkin' to take
'em."
"What," I says, "collar the lot? Eh! I
hope you don't call sich a individual a lady, as
must be only a fieldmale, whether English or
'jhat "gentleman only smiled, and were that
perlite as to show me Borne lovely things aa the
Heinperor 'ad bought for Ms good lady; aud
I'm sure nobody doa't ought to be Been ia
AUG UST 1 5 , 1867
such things but queens Rtid prlttresses, as, in
course, must be that dressed for to look like
theirselves.
For my part, I do think as the imitations ia
a deal more showy than the real ones, aud, of
course, you'd get more for your money; but
then, in case of a rainy day, where are you ?
whilst them lords and dukes can't never be
'ard up, as long aa they've got them things to
make the money on at a pinch.
I don't think as ever I did see Bioh a lot of
bedsteads and sideboards and one thing and
the other, as parties can't know what to do
with if they 'ad 'em; and altogether the place
ia that conlusin' that you're quite bewildered,
and as to findin, your way about, why you're
always a-comin' back to the same place; least
ways, we was, for that Miss Tredwell keep
a-leadin' me wrong. And there was a pulpit aa
was stuck in the middle of one passage aa we
was always a-comin' to, till I got that wild as
I couldn't bear it no longer, so takes my own
way, and walks thro' the pictera, and come
out in the middle ile like; and glad I waa for
to see a seat, aud Bet down all of a 'urry for
there wasn't many wacant. I 'adn't no
idea as it sloped back slippy like, and there
I was a-settiu' without my feet a-touchin' the
ground.
I was that tired aa I didn't care about
nothink, and see a good many idjota grinnin',
as is their French ways, for they will laugh at
anythink, as is what I calla a friverlous lot.
So I says to Miss Tredwell, "Don't take no
notice, let 'era grin;" and we'd set there, I
should think, 'arf a 'our, when who should
come up but Brown and Mr. Wells.
So Biown saya, "Hallo I Martha, draw it
mild 1"
I Fays, "Whatever do you mean ?"
"Why," he Bays, "you're a-settin' ehowin'
your feet like anythink."
"Well," I says, "they're my own."
"Yes," he says, "but you needn't come the
Menken over us; for, tho' werry good feet in
their way, they ain't much to look at."
Jest at the same moment up came Mrs.
Archbutt and Mrs. Wells, aa both exclaimed,
"For goodness' sake, Mrs. Brown, do get up,
you're such a figger 1 Why, we've seen your
feet for ever so iar off, a good way over your
boot tops."
I was rather put out by Mra. Archbutt's
ways, as she waa evident put out at me 'avin
started afore 'er.
So I says, "My figger, mum, is p'raps aa
good aa others, tho' 1 mayn't 'ave on a new
'ead of 'air and a 'at," and was a-goin' to
get up, but, law, it wa8 a 'ard struggle for
me to geton my feet, thro' the seat bein'
leather and that deep back, and I thought
as I heerd somethink go snap in that petticoat,
but give myself a shake, and all seemed right;
so I walks on, and give Mra. Arohbutt a look,
for I see 'er a-sneerin'; and jest as I were
a-crossin' of the open court, I give a stumble
thro' a-ketchin' my foot in somethink aa I
couldn't make out, and away I went down
such a crash on all fours; and when they
picked me up there was that jupong aa 'ad,
slipped down round my feet, aud throwed me
over.
To be continued in The Evenino Telegraph
to-morrow.
GROCERIES, ETC.
JjJiff NO. 1 MACKEREL
IN KITTS,
J V BT BECEITED,
ALLEBT C. ROBERTS,
Dealer In Fine Groceries,
11 7rp Corner KLKVKNTH and VINE Bta.
JAPANESE POWCIIONG TEA,
:thb finest quality impobted.
Emperor and other fine chops OOLONGS.
New crop YtslUNQ HYHON and GGNPOWDE)
and genuine CHDLAN TEA.
For sale by the package or retail, at
JAMES R. WEBB'S,
6141 Corner WALNUT and EIGHTH SU.
FURNITURE, BEDDING, ETC.
TO HOUSEKEEPERS.
I have a large stock ol every variety ol
FURNITURE.
Which I will sell at reduced prices, consisting nf
f LAIN AND UAKBLK TOP COTiAUJfi SOU'S
WALNUT CHAMHEK BUITH,
PARLOR 6U1TS IN VJlLVKT PLUBH,
PABLOK BCIT9 IN HAIR CLOTH.
PARLOR SUITS IN REI-&
Sideboards, Extension Tables, Wardrobes, Book
cases, Mattresses, Lounges, etc etc
p. r. eusTiNB,
g U W. E. corner SECOND and BA OE Streets.
QEDDINC
OF EVERY DESCRIPTION
AT
REDUCED PRICES.
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL,
KO.V33 RIDGE AVENUE NEAR TINE ST
J. G. FULLER.
8 28tuthsrp
JhJSTABLISHED 1195.
A. S. ROBINSON,
French Plate Looking-Glasses,
ENGRAVINGS, PAINTINGS, DRAWINGS. ETC
Manufacturer of all kinds of
LOOHINd-LAfeS, PORTRAIT, AND PIC.
TUBE FRAMES TO OK !-.
No. lO OHESNUT STREET-
THIBD DOOR ABOVE THE CONTINENTAL,
PHILADELPHIA. 81S
HARDWARE, CUTLERY, ETC,
gTANDBRIDQE, BARK & CO.,
IVPOBTEBB OP AND DSALEBB IX
FOREIGN AND AMERICAN HARDWARE,
NO. 1831 U ARRET STREET,
1 offer lor sale Urge stock of
Ilnrdwnro nutl Cutlery,
TOGETHER WITH
1000 KEGS jAILS
AT REPITCED PRICES. riTthsto
CUTLERY.
A flue sssortment of POCKETand
TAB1.K (JUTLKKV, RAZOKH,
RAZOR STROPS, LADIKa' HC1.
SOUS. PAPER AND TAILORS'
SHEARS, it-TC.
' la V. IIELMOLD'B
Cutlery Btore, No. 135 South TENTH Street,
11 Throe doors above Walnut.
PKIVY WELL8 OWNEItS OP PKOPEBTY
The only place to ki Privy Weils Cleaned and
owiufeuledatvery low prices.
A. PEYBON,
Msnnractarerof Pimdreita,
i lot QOLDBuna'a uxim, ua&mx v tuiwt
PROFOSALS.
IKOrOSAIR FOR FOHAOK AND BTA
. 1 IOKJb.lt Y.
ruiLAPEU'TTlA DEPOT.
KI.l'TTIA TiisroT, V
krm astkr'b Office, f
OlHAKI STKKKT, t
August 10, mi. 3
ASS1STAJIT OUAHTEt
JSo. 11JU (ill
FOUAOK.
Penlfd rropopRls will be received at thisOfllea
until 12 o'clock M., TUESDAY, August HO, 1SU7.
for lUiDlHhlDR tills Depot with Forni?e for
period of six ((I) months, commenclnpr Hoptem
ler 1, 1H(7, und endiug the mh day of February,
1808, InehiMve. via.:
COKN, OATS. HAY, AND STRAW,
for the use of animal In the public service at
this depot, or at any other locality within sixty
(BO) miles of the City of Philadelphia, when r-
qAril Brain to be of the best quality. Oats, 32
pounds to the bushel; Com, 6 pounds to the
bushel; Hay, ol the best quality reunsylvanla
Timothy; biraw, to be of Kye.of the best qua
lity. All subject to Inspection prior to delivery.
Proposals will state price per uundrert pounds
for llay and Straw, and per bushel forCorn and
Oats, delivered at places of coiiKumptlon la
such quantities and at such times as maybe
ordered. (The price to be stated both In words
and figures.)
STATIONERY.
Pealed Proposals will also be received at this
Oflice until 12 o'clocK M., TUESDAY, August
lit), lWi7, for lurnishing this Depot with tita
tlonerv, for a period of one (1) year, com
mencing Bepteinber 1, 1st 17. aud ending the ,31st
day of Aumist, 1H8, Inclusive, vIk.:
J? olio Post Paper, to weigh not less than 88
pounds to ream; Legal Cap Paper, to weigh not
less than 1 pounds to ream; Cap Paper, Plain
and lluled, to weligh. not lesa than 14 pounds to
ream; letter Paper, Plain and lluled, to welsh,
not Uss than 12 pounds to ream; Note Paper.
Plain and Ruled, to weigh not less than 6
fiounds to ream; Envelope Paper, to weigh not
ens than it) pounds to ream; Common Printing
Paper; White Blotting Board, size 19x21. to
weigh not less than luti pounds to ream.
While Envelopes; size, H'AxW-i, 4x9, VAWA,
6!4"J4- Letter Envelopes, white; size, 8x5).
Letter Copying Books; size, 9x11; 7.W pages.
Cap Copying Books; size, 10x14; 750 pages.
Blank Books, 8 to 12 quires, deml, balf-bound,
patent backs, Russian corners. Blank Books, i
to 6 quires. 9x13 half roan, 20 sheets to quire.
Memorandum Books, deml, bvo., flush, 6U
leaves.
Arnold's Fluid, Writing and Copying; Blaolc
Ink, "David's;" Carmine Ink. "David's," 4-oa.
bottles, glass stoppers; Inkstands, glass, as
sorted sIzbm Penholders, assorted; Bteel Pens.
"Glllott's " 202, 803. 401, 004: Bteel Pens, "Harri
son and Bradiord's," 14, 15, 20 and o05; Lead
Pencils. "Eaber's," Nos. 2 and 8; Paper Fastn
era, 'Hamilton's" and "BoyntonV,' Offloa
Tape, rolls. No. 23. 100 yards to roll: Order Files.
assorted, as per sample; Sealing Wax, "best.
specie bank;" Wafers, 4-oe. boxes; India Rub
ber. "Faber's Imnroveil ArMal'ii-" Rnhlmr Inlr
; inula Hub
Rubber Ink;
Eraser, "Faber's:" Macllage, 4-oz., 8-oz.,' ana
quart Dottles; Gum Bands, assorted sizes;
Erasers, "Wostenholm's;" French Violet
Copying Ink.
All of the above-named articles to be of tho
best quality and to be subject to Inspection.
Samples of the articles of Stationery bid for
must be delivered at this olllce twenty-four
(21) hours previous to the opening of the bids..
Each bid must be guaranteed by two respon
sible persons, whose signatures must be ap
pended to the bid, and certified to as being'
good and suftlclenl security for the amount in-
volved, by the United Slates District Judge,
Attorney, Collector, or other public olllcer. ,
Blank lorms for bids can be bad on applica
tion at this omce, and bidders are requested to r
be present at the opening of the same.
The right is reserved to reject any bid deemed
too high, and no bid from a defaulting con-'
tractor will be received.
Endorse envelopes, "Proposals forForageand
Stationery," respectively.
By order of
Brevet MaJ.-Gen. O. H. CROSM AN,
Asst. Uuartermaster-Gen. U. S. A. '
HENRY W. JANES,
Captain and Asst. Quartermaster,
8108t Brevet Major U. 8. A.
IMPROVEMENT OF THE DES M0INE3
RAPIDS OF THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER, -i
V. S. Enginkek'8 Office, I
, Davenport, Iowa, J uly 24, 1807. '
Sealed proposals, in duplicate, will be re- .
celved at this office until 12 M., WEDNESDAY, ,
September 4, 1867, for excavating the prism and
constructing the embankment wall of the '
Canal for the Improvement of the navigation ,
pf the Mississippi river at the Dea Molnea
Rapids. '
The Canal Is to be about VA (seven and one- '
naif) miles long, extending from Nashville to i
Keokuk, Iowa. The width at the water surface
Inside the canal to be 800 (three hundred) feet
In embankment, and 250 (two hundred and
fifty) leet in excavation, and in low water to be
6 (five) feet deep. All the material excavated
from the prism of the canal to be used in bnild
ing the embankment. The latter throughout
the greater part of the distance will be about
800 (three hundred) feet from the Iowa shore. ;
Where rock excavation occurs, the bottom of r
the canal will have a slope of lj (one and one
half) Inches to the mile. The embankment is .
to be built of earth clay and rock; to be 10 (ten)
feet wide on top. Including the rip-rap cover- 3
ing' to be 2 (two) feet above high-water mark, '
with slopes of IX (one and one-half) base to 1 J
(one) vertical. The average thickness 0 the
rip-rap protection to be 2 (two and one-half)
feet on the river side, 2 (two) feet on the canal
Bide, and 1 (one) foot on top.
All propositions must state the price at which ;
each and every kind of work specified In tho
proposal is to be done, and no bid will be con
sidered that is not definite In this respect.
The Oovernmeut reserves the right to reject .
any and all bids.
A printed copy of this advertisement must be '
attached to each proposal.
Each bid must contain a written or printed
guarantee signed by two responsible persons.
Blanks for proposals of the form required,
with form of guarantee, will be furnished at
this oflice on application.
The price or prices In the contract will be con
sidered as including the expense of furnishing? -all
the materials and performing all the work,
according to the plans and specifications exhi
bited at the letting.
The entire cost of the canal Is estimated at
(2,068,845 (two million slxty-eUht thousand
three hundred and forty-five). The amount ap
propriated by Congress is 8700,000 (seven nun- "
dred thousand doUarsH-the contract can only
be made to cover this amount.
Fifteen (16) per cent, of the amount of any
work done or materials furnished, at the con- '
tract price thereof, will be reserved until the
whole work which Is the subject of contract
shall be entirely completed.
Persons desiring further Information can
obtain the same by calling at this office, where
maps, plans, specifications, ana form ol con
tract can be consulted.
Proposals must be addressed to the under
signed, and should be endorsed "Proposals for ,
work on the Improvement of the Ien Moines
Rapids." J. H. WILSON,
Lieut.-Col. 80th Infantry,
7 80 4W ' Bvt" Major-Oeneral U.li Army.
INTERNAL REVENUE"
REVENUE ST AM P S
FOB SALE AT THE
PIUNOIPAL AGENCY,
MO. 57 UOVtU THIBD STJSEET, PUIL
A LIBEKAL DISCOUNT ALLOWED.
Orderslor Stamped Checks received, and dn.
with despatch
Orders by mall or express promptly attended to.
7291m
JACOB E, RIDUWAT
iAJWADJNO GUNS altered '
lowest MUsT lU9 tth.
P. P W' B TUE l OF TUB HOUSEHOLD,
T.Wf KrS' PATKNT WINDOW BOWFR, .
Twenty-nve cem. ,'r" Z eve v' tcWt '