The Millheim Journal,
PUBLISHED EVERT THURSDAY BY
H. a. strmitLEi}.
Office in the New Journal Building,
Penn St,DearHartman'B foundry.
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Address letters to MILLHEIM JOURNAL.
BUS INE S S CAR PS
F. SMITH,
AI'CTIOXEGR,
MILLHRIK, PA.
y B. STOVER,
AUCTIONEER,
Mndisonburir, Pa.
Y H. RF.IFSNYDKR,
AICTIOAEER,
MILLHEIM, PA.
J W. LOSE,
AUCTIONEER,
MILLHEIM, PA.
JOHN F. HARTER,
Practical Dentist,
Office opposite the Methodist Church.
M4l* STREET, MILLHEIM PA.
J. W. STAM,
Physician 4 Surgeon,
Office on Penn street,
MILLHEIM, PA.
GEO. L. LEE,
Physician & Surgeon,
MADISONBURG, PA.
Offlee opposite the Public School House.
P. ARD, M. V.
WOODWARD, PA.
Jg O. DEININGER,
Notary-Public,
Journal office, Penn at., Millbeira, Pa.
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Q.EORGE L. SPRINGER,
Fashionable Barber,
MAIN STREET, MILLHEIM, PA.
Shop opposite Millheim Banking House.
Sharing, Halrcutting, Shampooning,
Dying, Ac. done in the most satisfac
tory manner.
Jno.H. Orris. C. M. Bower. Ellis L.Orvls
QRVIS, BOWER & ORVIB,
Attorneys-at-Law.
BELLEFONTE, PA.,
Office ID Wooding* Building.
D. H. Hastings. W. F. Beeder
yyASTINGS & REEDER,
Attorney s-at-Law,
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Offlee on Allegheny Street, two doers east of
the office ocupiod by the lute firm of Yocum A
Hastings.
T C. MEYER,
Mlornej-aFLaw,
BELLEFONTE PA.
At the Office of KX -Judge Hoy.
C. HEINLE,
Attorney-at-Law.
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Practices In all the courts of Centre county
Special attention to Collections. Consultation*
In German or Jfngliah.
J A. Beaver. J. W. Gepb&rt.
JgEAVER & GEPHART,
Attorneys-at-Law,
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Office on Alleghany Street. North of Hiah Street
HOUSE,
ALLEGHENY ST., BELLEFONTE, PA.
C. G. McMILLEN,
PROPRIETOR.
Good Sample Room on First Floor. Free
Buss to and from all trains. Special rates to
witnesses and Jurors
OUMMINS HOUSE,
BISHOP STREET, BELLEFONTE, PA.,
EMANUEL BROWN,
PBorenrroß
House newly refitted and refurnished. Ev
erything done to make guests comfortable.
Ratesraoderate. Patronage respectfully solici
ted My
yifVlN HOUSE,
(MostCentr&l Hotel in the city.)
CORNER OK MAIN AND JAY STREETS
LOCK HAVEN, PA.
S.W OODS~CALD WELL
PROPRIETOR.
Good sameple rooms for commercial Trawel'
r> 00 first noor.
R. A. BUMILLER, Editor.
VOL. 61.
S. G GUTKLIUS,
DE\TIBT,
MILLHRIM, PA.
Offers Ills professional service* to tlie public,
lie *; prepared to perform all operations In tin*
den tot profession. He Is now fully prepared to
extract teeth absolutely without pain
A*
Mrs. Sarah A. Zeigler's
BAKERY,
on Penn street,south of race bridge,
Millheim, Pa.
Bread, Pies & Cakes
of superior quality can be bought at any time
and In any quantity.
ICE CREAM AND FAN
CY CAKES
for Weddings, Picnics and other social gather
Ings promptly made to order.
Call at her place and get your supplies at ex
ceedingly low prices. 34-Sra
P. H. MUSSER,
WATCH MAKEK*&SJEWELER,
Main Street, Millheim, Pa.,
-eJOPPOSITE TIIE BANK.J-*-
IflTßepair Work a Specailty. Sat
isfaction guaranteed. Your patronage
respectiully solicited. 5-ly.
THE
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MILLHEIM.PA., THURSDAY, DECEMBERB.IBB7.
A PAPER FOR THE HOME CIRCLE
Mrs. Wiggins Paints Her
House.
I've ls*en as busy as it bee all winter, and
it's lucky for mo that I've had eiiuft to
keep my lihssl a-circulnting : for, it I'd -
had to set still, 1 should have froze todeath,
with the mercury falling down among the
zeroes.
I've braided all Keubtm's old trousers and
coats tip into rugs, and I declare ! w hen the
|sor man got out in the rain the other day,
ami wet hissclf clean through, there waru't
t'liulf every day clothes in the house for him
to shift hisself into, ami he had to put on his
black trousers and hlsswaller tail coat, that
lie's never made a practice of wearing any
wheres except to prayer-meetings and Sun
days. Keiilieti was mad as a bob-tailed dog
in fly-tiuie, ami sez he, giving the cat a h'ist
out of the rock! tig-cheer, w here she'd got
curled up for a imp, sez he :
"Miraiuly, you'd ort to bo ashamed of
yourself, a-cultiug up theui good clothes of
mine. And them gray panterloous wurn't
wore out at all, except a place on the knees
and inebby they needetl to Is? reseateil." Sez
he : "It's lucky that I'm put together solid,
you'd braid me into a rug, soul and is sly, if
you could tear ine up into strips as you can
a pair of panterloous. "
And he kicked at that cat agin, jest us she
was a-gwiuu to git back into the cheer
Strange to me that, when men-folks git mad,
they always spit out their spite onto the cat
or dog. Jest as if that animal was to blame
for my braiding up them britches !
Hut 1 was sorry eiiutf afterward, when
llcubcn come in from the barn, with his
awaller-tail all spattered over with milk :
he'il lteeii a-utilking, and the cow had t<sk
a notion to step iuio the pail to soak her
corns, and the milk had flew all over the
coat-tails of the pardiit-r of my joys ami sor-
It took me two hours, with a sponge and
some aiuouiiay, and my eyes and uose wat
ering as if 1 bad the chronical influenza, to
scrub that milk ofl°. Aud then I didn't git
it ort', for Kculieu never could stand still a
miuuit to have auythiug done to him, and,
as soon as I got a good grab ou lliem tails,
and got the sponge sot right to scrub he'd
fetch a wisk, and I'd lost? my bolt ititircly.
Margaret Ann, that is our darter from a
city school, has got a pile of new idee*
brought home with her. Rent's Corner is
an old-fashioned place, aud the folks don't
travel round to any great extent. And
(laterally we hain't got ahead so fur as some
parts of the world. We still think that it
ain't nice and pious for a man to have more
than one wife to a time, and we shouldn't
be likely to elect an absconding Canada
tramp of a bauk-casliier to U? deacon of our
meeting-house — not if we knowed about it ;
and we still think that it looks ls-tter not to
go a-flshing Sundays.
Margaret Ann, a'inost as soon as she got
home, ls*guu to complain hew old-styled
our bouse looked. It needed refurnishing,
and repainting, and repapering, aud re—al
most everything else. "Why, mama," err.
she—she ha* taken to calling me 'ma' and
'mama' jest as if she was a three-year-old—
"you have no i.lcc how superannuated our
interior looks. There is nothing astlietick
or rershashy alsrut it."
"I should hope uot indeed," sez I. "I
shouldn't want anything with such a sound
ing name as them has got, in my itisides, if
that is w hat you mean."
"Ma, how dreadfully vulgar you are ! If
Arabella I>e Jones should come to seeui she
would fall into a state of nervous prostra
tion. She is so delicate and refined that she
would faint away if she should be In the
room w ith a pair of those ilrtgulful cowhide
boots that pa wears, and 1 have known her
to have a spasm when she iuhnled the
breath of someone who had been eating on
ions ! < >h, she i* altogether too ethereal for
this mundane spear !"
"Then I should advise her to go to a spear
where they don't eat onions," sez 1. "Bent's
Corner is no place for her."
"But, ma, why can't we tlx up our old
house ?" sez Margaret Ann, a-tipping her
head on one side to see liow the; little toj
knot of a curl panned out, she'd been a
w inding onto a curling-iron. And full half
of the hair in it stuck fast to the iron, and
the smell of burnt hair was so strong in the
house that I had to burn some coffee on top
of the stove to fumigate the air.
" 'Twouhl cost money," sez I, "and yor
father can't spare much, this year, on ac
count of that boss having the heaves and
"lying, and milk's going down to two cents
onto a can."
But Margaret Ann sed that didn't make
no difference — wo could do the work our
selves. And she talked at me so much and
used so many words that bad never been
aired sense they was put into Webstei or
the bridge, that I give in. I could have
stood out agin words of two syllables ; but
when they come to lie shot at me eight ami
ten syllables long, l went down bcfore'om like
grass Is? fore a four-boss mowing-machine.
She talked the scheme into her pa in
much the same way, and got ten dollars out
of him and the liberty to do as she was a
mind to.
We harnessed the old mare into wagon
and went over to Smith ville, and got the
painter there to mix us some paint, and we
bought sotue room paper, and some red cur
tains, and some prepared glue, and some
varnish, and some tacks with brass heads,
and other things too numerous to mentlou.
We begun 011 the front-room iirst We
piled all the furniture into the front-entry,
and sot a table aginst the d<K?r that was
loadtd down with a lot of things, andGrand
tuarm Sawyer's chany set among 'em. That
cliany set beat anything I ever seed any
where in the way of chany, and I sot a farm
by it.
Margaret Ann put on an old red petticoat
of mine over her dress and a blouse of her
pa's and tied her heud up in a gingham a
pron, lM'fore she went to business. My uni
form was one of Reuben's old calico shirts
that I had kept for him to wear in haying
time—because anybody sweats so, in baying
that it rots the shirt clean to nothing — and
put it on outside of my old delaine skirt that
I wear when I'm a-wasliing.
We had the wash bench and two barrels
with a board over 'em, to stand upon. I
had the barrels and Margaret Ann bad tlie
bench.
"Now 111a," sez she, dipping her brush
into tlie paint, "you want, to dip lightly:
give it a little dab aginst the side of the pail,
to shake out tin? superfluenf paint, and draw
it toward you — so, in this way." Ami she
dabbed, and then she drawned — and, my
soul and body, the result was amazing !
The paint which was pale-blue, flew and
squirted all into Margaret Ann's face and
eyes, ami HIH* looktnl like flu* piece of "spat
ter-wrk" tliaf MIHH DliiHttiorn T<*k tin* prr
miiiui of twenty-live cents on, at the Smith
villo cattle-show, lust fall. Ami she gr.ihlssl
up the tail of tliat petticoat, which lial
dipped itself into a pot of ldaek paint thai
we'd mixed to sfrijw* off with ami rubbed
it ver l>er coiinertiance, and black aud blue
was about equally mixed.
"Heaven and earth ! Margaret Ann,"
uey. 1, "you'll never come clean in the world
without b'iling out." Ami I made a rush
toward her, to wi|<e her off with my apron,
and I forgot that i was on thein barrels ;
ami the lxiard tilted up and 1 made a grab
to save myself, ami down I went into one of
them barrels — feet fust , paint brush aud all
— ami the barrel fitted me as well as if the
cooper had took my measure.
"Murder I" cried Margaret Ann, running
to the door ami shouting down the road :
"Ma lias suicided herself ! Help ! Help !"
And, in a mi 1111 if, llenbeii coiue running
in like mad, aud Squire Power, which had
come over to swap some setting-bens' eggs—
and he come in with him.
"Creatiou of Adam J" sez Reuben, "now
there's another good barrel gone to shucks !
And 1 shall have to buy barrels to put my
apple-crop into ' Twenty cents 011 a barrel
out ! Miramly," sez he "ills strange that a
woman as old as you are can't keep lierscll
out < f sueli scrapes like this."
"I guess it'll be a serais? in airuest before
1 git out," sey. 1, as 1 squirmed around and
the nails on the inside of tin? pesky barrel
begun to plow into my bide.
"Let's pull her out," sez Npiire Power,
spitting onto his hands aud bracing Idsself.
"You hold onto the barrel, Wiggins, and
I'll extract her jest as the dentist t tkes out
a luuhler."
And Reuben grabbed the barrel, and the
Squire grahtHsl me. He got me right by that
shouhh-r of mine that I've had the rhuinatiz
into for nigh onto six year, and, for a iuin
nit, i thought 1 should lie made into two
Miramly Wigginses. 1 struck out with the
hand that had the painl-bruah ill it, and
the Squire's mouth was the nearest and most
convenient opening — aud in the brush went,
paint and all, aud stufl'ocated him nigh a
bout to death.
"W-o-o-u-g-li !" sez the Squire, squirting
out w hat he hail inside of his mouth ami
throat, ami tiring it right down the back of
my neck, where that shirt of Reuben's had
a button off. Ami he let go of me so sud
dint, that it upsot Ceuis-n, who was a-hold
ing onto ihu barrel with all Lis might.
"Ma ! ma !" cried Margaret Ami, "can't
you kiuder screw yourself round and get
out ?"
"You might try it on yerself," sez I, feel
ing toad euuff to break something right in
two with the poker, "and see how you liked
it, with nine hundred am! fifty nails a-*tick
iug into your back and atummuk and claw
ing the iu'ards out of ye."
Squire Power was intirely overcome, and
he staggered hack and fell into a cheer that
Ueulieu had bought at an auction Itecausc
it was two hundred and twenty year old,
and Washington had sot into it. Margaret
Ann had jest painted the hack of it w ith
some yaller daisies and a sunflower, and 1
yelled out as I seed the Squire a-going :
"Con't set into that cheer I It's —"
Hut the Squire hail sot before 1 got the
words out, aud the deed was done. And,
when lie got up, there was that bunch of
daisies and that sunflower, forty-graphed on.
to the hack fo his coat as slick as you could
mark your name onto a soap-box w ith a
stencil-p.ate.
"I'll empty her out." sez lteulien, seized
with a bright idee ; "strange that I didn't
think of it afore." And he grabbed that
liarrcl aud stood me right up ou my head,
rocked the barrel round fust one way and
t'other, jest, as if 1 Was coal-ashes that had
got wet and stuck.
"Reuben Wiggins," sez I as soon as I
could sjteak, "If ever I git out of here, I'll
make you sorry for this. You're a-runuing
my brains all out through the top of my
head."
"Bu'st ofl' the hoops," sez the Squire,com
ing to the rescue. And he seized a hammer
and hit the barrel a liek that sot my rhu
maticks off into tantrum and nigh about
blowed ofl' the top of my skull. But the
barrel caved, ami I was saved.
Jest as 1 got out, I lieerd a terrible wail
ing kind of a bowl from Nero — that's our
<log— and 1 knowed he was in trouble. I
went out into the sitting-room, where the
noise come from — aud, Idee la re, I didn't
know wether to laff or cry. Margaret Ann
had sot that pot of prepared glue onto the
table, and the "log hud got up there and up
sot it, and the glue had run out, and belaid
down and got to sleep, and his tail had dried
into the glue — and so luul iny ten-dollar
switch of hair that I'd took oft' afore I be
gun painting and laid down there !
The table-cloth on that tilde was one that
Mary Ann Simons worked in this 'ere kero
sene-work that was so stylish jest now, and
we'd either got to cut the cloth off from the
the tail or out the tail off from the cloth. It
was a question of no table-cloth or a tailless
dog. I <lid not liesertate : I grablicd the
scissors, and was a-going to slash right in
to the cloth, when the dog — seeing no doubt
how desprit 1 looked — give an awful howl
and a frantic leap and cleared hisself — cloth
faljn? hair, and all — from the table and
dashed into the front-entry right over the
mess of cliany and through the winder,
and down the road like a streak, with that
table cloth and that ten-dollar switch, war
ranted not dyed and all longhair, a-tr ailing
after him like a tail to a kite.
And that cliany was smashed into kind
ling, and we all sot after the dog a-yelling :
"Git out there ! git out !" Aud the grocery
man's clerk come out aiul tired at Nero,
thinking he had the hydrophoby, and killed
old Mrs. Mulligan's goat, that was a-lunch
ing off the ole hoop-skirts and tomato-cans
in Grigg's back-yard. And she's sued him
for daiuidges.
And, jest as Reuben and the Squire and I
and Maragret Ann had got to the front-gate,
a-pnrsuing Nero, a carriage drlvup and out
stepped Arabella De .Tones and Gabriel Van
Robinson, her yonng man.
Imagine if you can, the tableau !
As they say in the live-volume novels,
when they don't feel tit to describe any
thing, "we draw a curt-iu over the scene."
P. S.— Nero come back, the next day,
with his tail hare of hair mostly ; but I nev
er lieern anything from my switch nor the
table-cover And we got Jenkins, the
painter, to paint our house because* we
thought it would be cheaper.- Peterson's
Mayazine.
—First-class job work done at the
JOURNAL office.
Terms, SI.OO per Year, in Advance.
ON GOOD mtKicniNc.
ThelnclescTll>ulle"Koinet lit tig" Which
.Mnlies a Gentleman u Gentleman.
Subtle, fragrant. Indescribable, but all
pervadiug is that lovely thing we call good
breeding. As subtle and as indescribable,
but by no means fragrant, is its ungainly
opposite. Keenly conscious of the absence
of the former, but unable to exactly specify
and define when present, we know and feel,
but cannot analyze nor tabulate —save in
cases of exceptional sweetness and retine
im-ut, when we can touch the exact action
an I repeat the commanding word which
governed all. So with ill-breeding. Wecan
scarcely hay where It was unless the misde
iimanor was as deep as a wel),as wide as au
church door ; but there it was and we felt
md knew, whether we were able to detiue
it or not. No one can describe" discord uor
harmony. So with the mystery of good
breeding—the subtle hartuouy and passing
flavor of true jmlitciu-ss. It is heard in au
intonation—au inflection —in the choice of
one word over another seemingly its twin,
but with just that difference of application,
rather than meaning, which creates the
essence of good breeding. The almost
microscopic recognition of a stranger—the
s|ieciali/.ed attention of an unobtrusive kind
—is its evidence ; the careless neglect of an
apparently insignificant form is its death
warrant. To be the only stranger iu a room
ful of intiuiat s and to tie iin.nm.din en a
neglected is au act of ill-breeding specially
Britannic. If by chance one more kind
hearted to liegin witb, and more polished by
friction to go ou with, takes pity on the poor |
social waif und stray and offers any atten |
tiou or reels off the thread of a con versa- j
tiou, that jtersou has this marvelous charm '
we call good breeding, iu which all the rest '
li ive beeu deficient. When yon enter a j
room and are presented to the hostess her j
reception of you proves her good breeding |
or lu r bad. The way her children meet you '
—the way in which, at any age beyond the |
babyhood, they sjieak and hold themselves
—is so eloquent of their geutle trainug or
ungentle an is a correct accentor a provin- 1
cial. No idiosyucrasy mars the real essence i
of good breeding,and all the excuses made for j
lapses and lessons are futile.
(Juotl breeding is the current coin of so
ciety. He who is bankrupt thereiu ought not
to take rank with the rest. The defaulting
Loailianl b.ul his bench broken in full con
clave atl was chased out of the street where
his better brethren carried on their business
What the old money-changers and money
lenders did with their defaulting members,
society ought to do to the ill-bred —to the
people who opiose all yon say for the mere
sake of op|sjsiug you. and dot for anything
approaching to a principle ; who contradict
you tlatly, and do uot u|iologize wlieu they
are proved iu the wrong ; tell you home
truths of hilious complexion and vinegar
asjKJCt ; who repeat ill-natured remarks
made iu their presence, or repeated to them,
m iking you feel you an* scorned ami de
spised you know not why, and vilified with
out the chance given you for self justifica
tion ; who abuse your known friends and
ascrilte to them allelic sins of the Decalogue,
who brutally attack your known principles
in religion, morals, politics ; who sneer at
at your cherished sujiei-stitions and fail foul
of your confessed weaknesses ; who take the
up)ier hand of you generally, not counting
susceptibilities as worth the traditional but
ton. Such people as these—and there are
inauy of rheiu masquerading us ladies and
gentlemen of good |s>sitiou and irreproacha
ble credential*—but no matter what their
lineage or fortune they should lie cashiered,
and society would.lie all the sweeter and more
wholesome for the waut of them. Contrast
these spiny hedgehogs, these aggressive
thorn-bushes, these stiugiug mosquitoes
and ramping tarantulas with their opposite
—the well-breed and gentle folk who never
tread on your corns nor offend your suscep
tibilities in any way and who carefully
carry out of sight all their own private lit
tle Hags which may lie your bed tags. This
is not want of courage, but it is good breed
ing.
A WKSTERN JOKE.
___
Lending a Friend a Dress Suit and
Then Telling llim it is a Servant's.
From the Chicago Herald.
Colonal A D. Babcock, of Caoton,
111., is as well known here as at borne.
He has achieved a comfortable fortune
and has of late been concerned with
the Senator Farwell- "Ah*' Taylor
syndicate in huildingr the Texas State
House. He is one of the "regulars"
at the Grand Pacific, which is almost
as much a home to him as Canton.
Another well-known character about
the hotel is Dr. Osgood, who gives
more time nowadays to practical joking
and meterial enjoyment than to the
practice of medicine. Both these
gentlemen are small ot stature and,
despite their gray hairs, lively as any
youngsters. There is constaut rivalry
between them as to who is the small
est, and either could ride a Sbetlaud
pony without his feet dragging.
Colonel Babcock was going to take his
daughters to the game dinner at Mr.
Drake's hostelry, but had no dress suit.
Osgood offered to loan his. which fitted
the colonel perfectly. As the latter sat
at table with his daughters and Colonel
Taylor and other friends, looking as
fine as a fiddle in the doctor's dress
suit, a boy came in with a message.
The document was labeled "impor
tant," and the colonel opened it with
some eagerness and more embarrass
ment. It proved to be a letter from
Dr. Osgood, in which the latter sent
forth that he had just received a very
importaant business call to new York
and must leave in twenty minutes.
The dress suit he had loaned the
colonel was, he said, the property of
his negro servent, who, of course, ac
compaied him to New York and would,
of course, need his suit. The situation
was a delicate one and be regretted
extremely to thus embarrass the
colonel, but he would, of course, ap
preciate the importance of sending the
cloths at once by the messenger. He
would suggest that the colonel slip
under the tadle, disrob, and band the
suit to the messenger. Then his daugh
ter could wrap him in a napkin, lay
him on a ohair aud smuggle him out
unperceiyed when the feast was over.
Colonel Babcock is still looking for
a chance to get even.
NO. 48-
NEWSPAPER LAWS
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it subsetlbers refuse or neglect to take their
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they are held responsible until they have settled
th" bills and ordered them discontinued.
If subscribers moretootherplaeeawithonttß
forming the publisher, and the newspapers are
sent to the former nlaee. tbevsre rwyinalble.
A D VHBTIE IN OBATSS.
1 *k. i mo. | b num. u inos. 1 year
1 square | 260 #4 00 * 500 # 600 #BOO
H " 700 1000 1500 MOO 4000
1 H 1000 1500 J 25 00 45 00 75 00
One Inch makes a square. Administrators
and Executors' Notices #3.50. Transient adver
tisements and locals 10 cents per line for first
Insertion and 5 cents per Une tor each addition
at Insertion*
What Stunted the Growth of the
• Town.
i
"You waoter know what's holdin*
- this country back, dVef'said a man in
1 Green River City, Wyo., who bad a
' board like a woven-wire mattreas
, which bad been struck by a cyclone
r and rolled together as a scroll—"you
1 ask what's boldin' it down," be con
. tinued, as be led me over by a faro
i table which was not in use; "yon de
-1 aire information as to what's retardin'
its development an' causin' it to lan
guish by the wayside, as it were? I
can tell you, stranger; I can sum it up
! in two words an' give it to you at one
dose. It i* Eastern detectives—blood
bounds of tbe law that drag away our
most successful cit'zensf
'Wbat can you expect of a country
where tbe E'Astern detective comes in
and demands requisitions for all tbe
leadin' cit'zens? With the icj band of
tbe detective laid on tbe Mayors of
our principal cities, bow can oar coun
try develop? With tbe Pennsylvania
Sheriff sneakin' up behind tbe Presi
dent of our National Bank and indent!-
! fyin'him, bow can you look for pro
j gress?
'As long as one of Pinkerton's men
can come into our otherwise peaceful
and an' prosperous communities, look
at a photographn an' then adjust a pair
of time-lock handcuffs on tbe principal
ol our schools, bow can you come
among us ao'ask us with a boiler sneer
why we don't boom?
'Stranger, wbat is there to induce us
;to git up, wboop an' develop tbe
country,with leg-irons on tbe pastor of
tbe First Babtist Church?
'Why stould we invest oar money
in business with a Sheriff from Mas
sac uusetts an' a detect!ye from Ohio
each witb separate warrants M* each
lon a fast boss chasm* oar Porbate
Jedjre across tbe divide?
'Why should I feel enouraged an'
cheerful witb tbe City Attorney bein'
tried in North Carolina? Would you
yourself feel like settlio' down in a
1 country an' makin' a borne witb tbe
Superintendent of tbe Union Sunday
school gittin' outo tbe east-boond train
chained to tbe editor of tbe morning
pa per?'
'My friend, I don't think yon would;
I am pos'tiveyou woufd not, 'special
ly if your didn't know bat what it might
be you turn next, as you prob'bly
would.
'This country conld never become
thickly and permanently settled as
long as tbe Eastern officer who has
raked op some old charge again a
prominent member of the comunity
can walk in an' ply bis vocation un
restrained by tbe strong arm of tbe
law. As long as it is possible, while
a meeting' of tbe leadin' cap'talists is
bein' held to devise means of establish
in 'a woolen factory, or to raise a
bonus for a new railroad, as long as it
is possible on such an occasion, I re
pent. for a paid spy from a rival town
to sneak in tbe back door of tbe hall
an.' yell: 'Eastern detective eomin'lan'
then stand and watch tbe President of
tbe savin's bank an'the Circuit Jeage
break their legs as tbey fall oat of tbe
winder an' subsequently git tramped
into the ground by the crowd; as long
as tbia is poss'ble, I again say, jes'so
long will progreess languish.
'While a man can stand in our thea
ter an'boiler 'Fire!' an' not cause
anybody to look around, an' another
man can stain pate tbe audience acrost
tbe stage by pullin' out a paper au' a '
pair of handcuffs, jes' so loug will our
nat,rol resource remain dorment, as it
were.
'That, my friend, is about all I've
got to say. That is about all there is
to say.'— Dakota Bell.
Rough on the Chaplain.
Ceo. N. P. Banks tells a story about one
of his army chaplains which never fails to
"bring down" the G. A. R. camp-fires. The
chaplains regiments during the war
had charge of the mails fpr the regiments to
which they were attached. The mail for
the regiment of this particular chaplain had
not coine to hand for many days. The regi
ment was out of the line of communication,
Every day from one half to two-thirds of
the soldiers boys filed up to the chaplain's
tent with such stereotyped inquires as these:
"Auy mail yet, chaplain?"
"Have you heard from the mail?"
"Do you know when the mail will come?"
"What do you think is delaying the
mail?"
The good man was so pestered with in
quiries that he had no time to prepare his
weekly sermon. He was obliged to spend
all Ills time in explaining that he had no
mail, that he had heard nothing about the
mail. It oecured to him that he might pat
an end to his troubles by a sign. Procuring
the bottom of au old hard tack box he
marked it with charcoal and nailed it on a
tree in front of his tent so that all might see
this notice:
THE CHAPLAIN* DOFS NOT KNOW WHEN
THE MAIL WILL ARRIVE.
The next anxious inquirer who came
along was a reckless young wag. He gazed
for a while at the notice, and, discovering
the piece of charcoal which the chaplain bad
dropped on tbe ground at the completion of
the sign, be seized it and added these words:
AND HE DON'T CAKE A D — N.
The chaplain took in tbe sigu and never
put out another one.— New York Tribune.