The Millheim Journal, PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY BY If .1. BUMTITtKI{. Office in the New Journal Building, Pona St.,near Hartiuan's foundry. fI.OOPBR ANNUM, IN ADVANCE, OR $1.86 IF NOT PAID IN ADVANCE. Acceptable Correspondence Solicited Address letters to MILLHEIM JOURNAL. BUSINESS CA nns. HARTER, AKTIOMKK, MILLHEIM, PA. B. STOVER, AUCTIONEER, Madisonlniig, Pa. ■YY 11. RKIFSN YDKII, AI'CTIOVEER, MILLHEIM, PA. J W. LOSE, AI'CTIOVEER, MILLHEIM, PA. JOHN F. IIARTER, Practical Dentist, Office opposite the Methodist. Church. MAIN STREET. MILLHEIM PA. JY\ J. W. ST AM, Physician & Surgeon, Office on Peun street, MILLHEIM, PA. GEO. L. LEE, Physician & Surgeon, MADISONBURG, PA. Office opposite the Public School House. YY. p. ARD, M. L).. "WOODWARD, PA LG O. DEININGER, Nolary-Public, Journal office, Penn at., Millheim, Pa Deeds and other lojra.l papers written and acknowledged at moderate charges. G EORGE L. SPRINGER, Fashionable Barber, MAIN STREET, MILLHEIM, PA. Shop opposite Muiheim Banking House. Shaving, Ilaircutting, Shampooning, Dying, &c. done iu the most satisfac tory manner. Jno.H. Orvis. C. M. Bower. Ellis L.Orvis QRVIS, BOWER & OH VIS, Attorneys-at-Law, BELLEFONTE, PA., Office in Woodings Building. D. H. Hastings. W. F. Reeder. TTASTINGS & REEDER, Attornejs-at-Law, BELLEFONTE, PA. Office on Allegheny Street, two doors east of the office ocupied by the lute orm of Yocum A Hastings. J U. MEYER, Altorney-al-Law, BELLEFONTE PA. At the Office of Ex Judge Hoy. C. HEINLE, Attorney-at-Law BELLEFONTE, PA. Practices in all the courts of Centre county Special atteutiou to Collections. Consultations In German or English. J A. Beaver. W. Gepbart. JgEAVER & GEPIIART, AUorneys-at-Law, BELLEFONTE, PA. Office on Alleghany Street. North of HichStreet HOUSE, ALLEGHENY ST., BELLEFONTE, PA. C. G. McMILLEN, PROPRIETOR. Good Sample Room on First Floor. Free Buss to and from all trains. Special rates to witnesses and jurors. QUMMINS HOUSE, BISHOP STREET, BELLEFONTE, PA., EMANUEL BROWN, PROPRIETOR House newly refitted and refurnished. Ev erything done to make guests comfortable. Ratesinodera*' trouage respectfully solici ted 5-iy JRVIN HOUSE, (Most Central Hotel in the city.) CORNER OF MAIN AND JAY STREETS LOCK HAVEN, PA. S.WOODSOALDWELL PROPRIETOR. Good saineple rooms forjcommercialJTravel en on first floor. R A BUMILLER, Editor VOL. 01. S. G GUTELIUS, DEATIST, MILLHEIM. PA. Offers fits professional services to the public. He is prepared to perlorni all operations in Ihe dental profession, lie is now fully prepared to extract teeth absolutely without pain _____ Mrs. Sarah A. Zeigler s BAKERY, on Fcnn street, south of race bridge. Mil helm, Fa. Bread, Pies & Cakes of superior quality can be bought at any time ami in any quantity. ICE CREAM AND FAN CY CAKES for Weddings, Picnics and other social gather lugs promptly made to order. Call at her place and git your supplies at ex ceedingly low prices. 31-3UI P. H. MUSSER, WATiHMAkEK®&eJEWEI.ER, Main Street, Millheim. Pa., -eJOPPOSITE THE BANK.J-*- ftirßepair Wiok a Specialty. Sat isfaction guaranteed. Yuor patronage lespectfully Fo'iciled. 5-ly. THE ATTENTION of the public in ycncrul ami btisines men in particular is directed to the fart that the AyAyAyAyAyAyAyAyAyAyAyAyAy M Ijillhcint journal ii - U s 6 5 ea fi tJ f- 3 IS SUPPLIED %jl W ITH HOOD H if i -^PBSSBIS^ MI gf EMPLOYS i k OX L Y C Ti fi Hi tfNpcrirncctT jy Workmen S3 AM) II AS A FIXE \j J SELECTION OF £ J m isagma DISPLAY TYPE LETTER HE ADS raj XO TE 11E A Its, STA TEMEX TS, 3| lilL /. HE A DS, ENVELOPES, ffil CTRCU LAPS, ___ hbh AyAyAyAyAyAyAyAyAyAyAyAyAy POSTERS, PAMPHLETS, Legal Blanks, Cards, and, in short, neat and tasty Job Printing of all kinds EXECUTED PROMPTLY AND CHEATLY. for Infants and Children. "Caatorla isso well ailaptM to children that I Ciutorla rtims CV>ll<\ Constipation, I rocosumciul it ail superior to any prescription I Bour Stomnrh, InarrhaMi, Lructation, .. known to me." 1L A. ABCUUII, M. D., I *** tU * 111 bo. Oxford bk, lirooklyu, N. Y. | Without injurious medication. Tiut CKXTACII CoiU'ANX, ISI Fultou Street. N. Y. ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■l ■ ■■ ■ ■■■ lusoN. W. T\T -TJTJ Tp-DT7" I don't. W . iiIJDX, yj -DISTILLER OF- Straight .ggg-. PURE M W RYE WHISKEY j FOR MEDICAL USE. \\~oo(AvI qi'd, (vvq { DO GO., Wqqq SPRING IS HERE! and with it our expeiioncedtail >r I. W. BUCK, \vlu> has prepan <1 himself to do all kinds (if \\<>rk in the most workmanlike and satisfactory manner. The public are cordiaMy Invited io call and see h.s Samples of Cloths and Cassimeres, from the best and ino-t reliable New V oik and Philadelphia houses. ALL WORK GUARANTEED before leaving the shop. Cuttiny done to order aml suits mode in the latest styles. DON'T FORGET TIIK I'LAi I". Frank's Shop, North Street, MILLHEIM, Fa. L Uj/j* - -illillhdm -JllavbU' YVovlv... • V< 7 I MUSSKK & ALKXAXUKH, rropfietois. < > ( *~ , MANUPACTI'KKItS Ol" AND DKAI.KBS IV UAAAA —JJJJJJ — ujalsua —JJUJJJ —JJJJJJ — j |jiiuh of Ijjonumcnis and [| rmdmj HJorlt, |ron jfcncing, ||nis, tt'C. UHJAAIJA AAJJAJ liAA'AUA JJjJjJ AA A AAA AAA AAA A A AAA FINEST MATERIA!., BEST WORKMANSHIP, LOWEST PRICES. Call on us at oar whop*, east of bridge. Main St.. Millbeira. Pa. Correspondence respectfully solicits , J. R. SMITH & CO., [LIMITED.] Nos. 320, 222 & 224 Front Street, 3NdIIILTO3Sr, PA. The Largest House Furnishing Emporium in Central Pennsylvania. □ THE PLACE TO GET A SQUARE DEAL AND THE BEST BARGAINS. □ DTTDVITTTI > I? FOR PAKLOK, SALOON, DINING ROOM. OFFICE, r U I\YN I.IU lIL COUNTING HOUSE AND KITCHEN. SUITS Come and Visit a Pleasant IDnue, Artistically, Tastily and Comfortably Furnished. □ On the Second Floor we have rf WHOLE HOUSE EUiUVISHEctter Piano sold here at a lower jiriec than any house in th state. We have no rent and hav supervision of our own business. Alll lie PIPE AND CABINET ORGANS. Everything at bottom prices. A postal card to us may save you U"> per cent. —a — CARPETS TO - - SUIT ALL. AX M INS IE It, VELVETS, JtOltY ItIIUSSELS, IN (ill A INS HAGS, A 111 SQUARES, JIU (iS, MATS, MATTING, STOVE AND FLOOR OIL CLOTHS. | llic Finest Assortment of j Silverware, China, tilnNN ar.l Sloncwnie, I.iiuips, d'lmmlclierM A Ilrie-n-llrnc ever seen. Our Curtain and Upholstering Department is not surpassed in He cities.Hotel Churches ami Private Residences Furnished at short notice and at low rates. Our im i eusa Building is literally packed with goods from attic to cellar. We are enabled to sell tie lowest because we sell tlie most. Everybody visits us and thinks our house a marvel. The handsomest Side-Boards. Escritoires, Cltlffonleres, Writing Desks, llall Racks, Slate uud Marble Mantels in the land. Busy all the time. Every Bid a Sale A PAPER FOR THE HOME CIRCLE MILLIIGIM, l'A., THURSDAY,MAY 5.. 1887. How I Became limy. Tied to a IfHllroml Track,Wnltliitf for l>ent li. Several \ears ago, while passing ,\cr the Pennsylvania rallro.nl, I was much im pressed by the appearance ol' one of my lei low passengers, who ocenpie.l a seal in the same coach with inc. It was not that his features were in any way striking, hut the peculiarity about him was in his thick, full head of snowy white hair, standing out in abundant kinky curls on a hen 1 the owner of which was yet a young man, not more than thirty years of age. His features were not remarkable in any way, with the ex ception, perhaps, of a rather sad look, which seemed to indicate that lie might have had at some time during his life a severe mental or physical shock, the etleet of which had made an impression on him tli.it would last as long as life. Somehow , the thought kept recurring to lite : "What made his hair white ?" Some how, 1 cuuhi not hanish him from my thoughts. The scenery through which we were passing at a high rate of speed was grand, yet i could not enjoy it, and my eyes would turn from the green hills and deep gorges, to gaze again at this sad-eyed stran ger with snowy hair. I tin not think 1 am importineiit or in quisitive to an unusual degree,but 1 confess that oti this occasion I laid myself open to the charge of Is-ing Imth : for I left my own seat and took the vacant one in front of him, the back of which I turned over so that 1 was immediately face to lain with the object of my curiosity. After a time I made some remark intend ed to be introductory. He replied politely. An informal conversation followed. Then I ventured to refer to his white hair. In stead of show ing surprise, he evidently ex pected the allusion, and had iiudersto-l why I sought his company. He replied : "Your curiosity, sir, i natural, and you must not suppose that you are the first per son who has made slmiltar inquiry, for 1 am questioned almost daily as to the cause of my lieing white, although I aui hardy twenty-eight years of age. It turned from jet black to its present snowy whiteness in one night. "Three years ago," he continued, "1 was iu the employ of a large wholesale house in New York as traveling salesman, and found myself in a Western State at about this time of the year, on one of my btisinc s tours for the house. I was obliged to visit a small tow n in the extreme western part of the State, to attend to some collections. "I was successful in collecting the a niount owing the linn, which,together with the sum I already had, amounted to nearly a thousand dollars. "The village had been greatly excited for several weeks over the dcpradation.s of horsc-tldevcs in the iiciglilsirliood : and on ly tin-night bet. re my arrival, three tine horses had lieeu taken from the stables of residents of the village, and 1 might by so doing secure an order f>T good-. I thought it well to do so, "As 1 stepped almard the train, it was just nine o'clock in fh<- evening. 1 saw the conductor and informed him of my wish to stop at W . the name of the new settle ment. He took my fare, at the same time saying : '|te on the platform right after you hear the w lijste ; we'll slow down s< that you can jump off. It is such a new place that they have no post-office there yet, and consequently we have no mail-hag to leave or take on. When any one wishes to get alxtard from there, the station master tlags the train.' "When I heard the warning whistle, therefore, I made my way to the platform, and as the train came almost t<>a stand-still, jumped oti". As I did so, the conductor called out. 'The depot is about forty rods further down the track. Keep right ahead, around the b. nd yonder, and you'll come to the settlement in a minute. We slowed down a little too quick : fact is, we have not stopped here often enough to know where to put on the brakes In order to hit the depot right. Would take you down there,but we have to meet the down-express at M . fifty miles further up. She's due here in just three hours, so you see we've got to hurry up.' "His last words ended in a shout, as tho train disappeared in the darkness around t lie l>end. '1 had two heavy sample-bags, both of which I had dropped oft' the train before springing down myself, and as the ears dis appeared in the distance, I stooped to pick them up. Hut as I did so. some one from behind sprang heavily upon me, and, taken at a disadvantage, I went down in a heap, with the stranger on top of me. " 'Bring the cords, Jed,' I heard my un known assailant say, and in a very few minutes 1 was securely bound, hand and foot, with strong lashings of rope. I was then permitted to sit up, and 1 tried to dis cover in the darkness the npppcarnnce of my enemies. Hut it was too dark to see their faces clearly. I was enabled to make out the forms of two powerful men,in rough dress and hrond-rimmcd, slouch hats. "Then one of them accosted me. " 'You is the chap that was down to •Tone's store yesterday, I take it "Yes,' I was at Jones's store yesterday ; and now what do you want of me, and why are you treating me in this way '." " •We were down there, too,' answered the other, who had not spoken until now, 'and we heard you give a good deal of ad vice about how to catch the hoss-thieves the people were so excited about. You advised them to organize a vigilance committee, and hang every hoss-thiof caught. And they are taking your advice. " 'We heard old Jones advise you to stop at this place, and it suited our plans to a dot. We were just on our way to the de pot when the train slowed up here, and dropped you light into our hands without any trouble. " 'Now,' he continued, 'we are going to make a kin of example of you. The'd nev er have thought of forming a vigilance com mittee if It hadn't been for you, and we pro pose to tlx you so you'll not have a chance to give any more advice. "Saying which they conversed together iu a low toue for a moment, and then one of them went to the bruno at the roadside, where I could hear him chopping and split ting with ajhatehet. Presently he return ed, bearing several sticks iu his hand. " 'Now, III> l:ul,' said Jed, 'we're going to stake you down here, stretched across the track, and s -e if you'll g>-t up any more vigilance comiuitlis-h.' "Their object was now only too apparent, and was nothing more nor less than to Lis ten me down on the railroad track, so that the tirst train that came along would run over and crush ine to death ! '1 took in the whole horror of the situa tion at once, and wildly protested : " "Surely, if y > i are hors--thievei, you must have some heart, and I Is-gofyou not to torture an honest man iu this way!' *-1 lut I might as well have talked to the stones along the grade. One of the thieves had lieen busy whittling away ry of catching hoss-thieves. Your vigilance committee won't IK- apt to do you much good, anyhow,' said one of the lllcll. " 'Wal,you'll have time to meditate on't,' said the other ruffian, 'The express train won't be along mulct an hour and'a half yet, and in your position you can do a pow erful sight of thinking in that time. "I could not answer, and I heard the ruf fians depart without being able to make a sign or utter a groan. "The horror of my situation burst full II|MUI my senses, now that 1 was left alone. "It was only too true —the express train would IM- along in an hour and a half ! "I recollect thinking bow delightful It would seem, in comparison, if I could have the privilege of standing up unfettered be fore;! whole gang of desperadoes, single handed and tight for my life, even though I was sure to lose it. "Then again 1 thought of this being a tlag station—no train would be apt to be liagged at eleven o'clock at uiglit, even if it were, I was lashed down so far from the depot that it would b- under full headway again be fore it reached me. "I thought of my mother and sister far away in New York, and wondered how lung it would be before they would hear of mv death, or if tliey would eyer hear of it, "Again my thoughts took another chan nel, would my death IK- instantaneous, or was I fated to sutler physical agony—agony akin to what I was suffering in mind ? Why was I singled out, as it wen-Jo under go this terrible fate, instead of another ? "Then, with a revulsion of feeling, I thought of Him who had stilled the storm, and who relinked His companions by say ing : 'Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith ?" "My mind somehow reverted to thealxvre passage again and again, and I seemi-d to grow strung in faith. There were a hun dred ways by whit-li 1 might he saved yet, before the dreaded train arrived. At least, if I must, i would die like a man, with no foolish blasphemy. "I struggled to move hut the struggle on ly seeme.l to tighten the cords. "Suddenly a shock of horror ran through me with such Intensity that 1 came near losing my senses. As before mentioned,my head lay upon one of the rails of the rail roud-traek, my left ear being pressed close down upon the iron, and I had as yet been unable to turn myself over in the least, on account of the rope around my neck hold ing my heid in si tirm a p isitlon, "Lying thus, with my ear to the track, I heard, or rather felt, a faint jar eomiuuul eating to tlie Inuj rail. "With horror unutterable I listened, with an unnatural fascination horn of de spair. "Yes, the rail seemed te tremble ; and now a far-away, low, murmuring sound could he heard. It was the express train coming ! "Perhaps it was still miles away, hut it was drawing nearer. "I could now, in my recumbent position, with my ear pressed upon the track, dis tinctly hear the far-away rumble mailt- by tin- train. "Fear and agony lent mo additional strength. 1 jerked my feet up with all my might, and came very near strangling my self by the otlort. "Then I lay perfectly still for a full min ute, endeavoring to catch my breath. My desperate effort to break loose had the effect of tightening the cord around my neck to sueli a degree that at eaeli respiration I emitted a peculiar whistling noise, not un like the had attack of membraneous croup. "When I had sufficiently recovered to take in my surroundings again, I heard a man's voice, apparently quite near, and lis tened wildly for a repetition of the sound. It soon canu*, and these were the words : 'I heard somebody whistle, somewhere about here.' " 'Oh, it must have been something else,' answered another voice. " 'No,' said the first speaker, 'I know I heard something whistle, and if it is the Terms, SI.CO per Year, in Advance. horse thieves, we'll have them Itefore morn ing.' "I knew that these must Is- the voices of mciiiliers of the vltdlanee committee, Is'at iiijj the country for the thieves, ami who, if they were made aware jf my (toHltion, would quickly relieve me, "And now, how frightfully near the train H<*emed to Is* ! I could hear the steady roar as it swept onward toward me, and with wild agony I once more des|s*rate|y strove with my Istnds. "litis lime I was so effectually rhoked hy my violeut exertions that I quite lost my senses for I know not how long, hut grad ually recovering, and gasping heavily for breatlt, i opened my eyes and saw a lurid tinge lighting up the trees and Iteyond the Inul in the track. "The locomotive was hearing down upon me with lightning sp*<*l, and soon all would Is* over : a few more minutes, or p rhaps'seeotids, and I would Is* ground to pieces under the wheels. "I now fully rculir.ed that it was useless for me to struggle further, as 1 had uot time to liberate myself even if such a thing was (tossihle. "1 had struggled so deliberately thai mind and Imsly were in an exhausted state, and I quietly lay there awaiting the shock, think ing that my agony of mind and Issly would soon Is* over. Ilut as this thought passed through my mind, the voice 1 h:td heard before again broke the stillness : 'I tell you 1 heard it again, and it sounded just like a person lialf-ehocked,' and then I saw a jierson slowly emerge from the gloctn, very near, ami a little in front of me, with in range of my vision, ami approaching directly towards me. "I recollect thinking how slowly and de liberately this man approached, when there was such need of great haste. "All at once, and just as the stranger had drawn near me, a blinding glare came a round the bend, and the roar of the express train tilled the air. At the same instant that the headlight of the locomotive came into view I recollect hearing the stranger yell, in a tone of horror : 'John ! quit* ! here's a man tied down on the track !' "After that 1 have no clear recollection, Imt can dimly remember, like seeing through a haze, that some one savagely tore up the stakes and dragged me roughly a round—a blinding glare and a terrific roar and rush, ami that was the hist I knew of any thing until two days after. "I then woke up in a Imml within a room, while several men ntorxl around. One of them, whom 1 afterward ascertained to be a physician, sjxtkr, when he observed that I W;w awake. 'He's coining out all right. The fever has left hiut. He'll soon be on his feet again.' "One of the other persons in the room now midressed me : 'Pretty close call you have h:ul, stranger ! If we'd been a min ute, or even a half or a quarter of a minute later, you'd have been ground to powder under them car-wheels. It was just a touch-and-go case, and the next minute af ter I'd dragged you off the track the express went by : 1 was so near that the suction knocked me over, and you had fainted dead away.' "There is very little more of interest to tell. I learned afterward that I had been j rescued by two members of the vigilance committee, who were on a scout after the thieves, having a clew to their wherea bouts. "Shortly after ny rescue, other members of tic committee had discovered the rendez vous of the thieves, which Was very close to where they captured me, and surprising them, captured the whole gang. My pock ct-lxMik with tnv money intact,had been taken from one of them, probably from my brief acquaintance, Jed. "Hut I never saw any of them afterward; for as soon as I Was able to travel, I started for home, with my hair as white as you see it now. It was black when I was tied down upon the track, and the men who released me say it was snowy white when they drag ged tue from the rails."— Youth's Compan ion. SOCIAL CUSTOMS. Regard for Kach Other's"Welfare the Very Kssence of Genuine Courtesy.} It is not uncommon to find persons who in their practice of etiquette and sociul customs will 'strain at the gß&t and swallow the camel.' They are rigidly punctiliious as to the use of the fork in raising food to their lips, and never the knife, and just how to place knife and fork when done eating, and other such points, but tLey will violate the most common rules of syntax in their speech, with a continual tree and easy defiance of the most elementary principles of grammar, so that we are obliged to ask; How can children ever learn correct speech while they are hearing such barbarisms, such abuse of language continually poured out by parents and guests at the table and elsewhere ? In the name of reason is not a principle of grammar or rhetoric as important as the mere custom of etiquette ? As to the modes ofcourtesy between individuals we need to remember that a spirit ot kindness, of tender regard for each others' feelings and welfare is the very essence of genuine courtesy, without which the forms of etiquette are merely bypocrital and hollow hearted. An incident very significant is re lated of the good Prince Albert, the husband of Queen Victoria. On one occasion he had as a guest at dinner an old gentleman who used the knife in eating instead of the fork. He had been accustomed to do so. The chil dren at the table noticed it, and there was a little sensation among them, which Prince Albert with a look quieted, and at once took his own kuife and used it in the same way to the eud of the dinner. He did this so that his guest might feel at ease in his presence. This was genuine courtesy. ;It was true hearted politeness, this [ thoughtful cousideration of the feel- NKWBPAPBH I.AWB If subscribers order the discontinuation of newspapers. the puoll-shers may ronton ti send them until all arrearaftes are paw. . . If subscribers refuse or nepleet foUkeinei newspapers from the oltlee to which they areseuj they are held rew|M>nslble until they have** ttiea the bills ai d ordered them discontinued. If autttcribers move toother places without in fonniiiK the publisher, and the newspaper* **• sent to tht^onner£lace^he£an^22L° ~ADVBBTWOtO . 1 wk. i mo. SBHA e* 1 1 square $2 00 MOOlM®® • WOO H " 700 1000 1500 >}£ " 1 " 10 00 15 001 00 00 -5 ( One Inc i makes a snuare. and Executors' Notices $5-50. TrßOaWnt adver tisements and locals loeenu per line for nrst Insertion and 5 cents per line for each nddluon al inseitlon" _____ no. i. ings and comfort of bis g*i*tt kind of politeness which is immeas urably above any form of etiquette. It was characteristic of the grace and and kindliness of his character. Wo thank him for this example, and if our social usages were pervaded by the same spirit we should be the better and happier fcr it. The use of the knife in eating in a decorous manner without unseemly haste is not an offense. When will young ladies learn that bad grammar, the use of such phrases as 'just lovely,' 'just splendid,' and the list ia a long one, is an impropriety and far more ridiculous and hurtful in its influence than the decorous use of the knife in eating can be ? — Christian (it Work. TO NSO RI AL'PO IN T K KS. Mr. Whangdoodle R**ter Hob Some thing to Sy About Barber*. De snbjec, ob dis ebenen's discource am barbers. I has selected dis sub ject bekase de cullud race am much addicte' ter barberism, not only in dis kentry but likewise in Africa. I has heered a heap ob references ter allusions in regard ter barbers, dat talks too much and so forth, aod I am sorry ter say wid humileashun dat dar am good grounds for hit. Ilowsumeeber, dar's. no danger ob de barber shops goin' outer de bizness so long as the wimin folks cuts dar cornswid dar husband's best razor Dis and de fact dat aberage woman can' be conwinced dat bit don't spile a razor ter ebarpon hit on a butcher's razor. Some barber's am too high-toned ter call demsefs barbers. I knowed one who called hissef a tonsilorious artis, physignominical bar dresser,car num manipilater, capiliery, abridger, and professor ob crinecultural abcis sion. He was one ob de orney bar bers, anb de customers what got inter bis bans got hissef inter a' ( bad scrape, and no mistake. I has heered barbers was surgins, originally and dia sort of barbers am surgins yet. Keep way from 'em. Talk in' about barpers bein' surgins, de barber shop am not the only place whar people get skinned alive. Some time bit hurts moah to get shaved in a broker's office, den hit does in a bar ber's chair. De beautiful poick who said 'defltten est place for ter man dye am wbar he dyes lbr man' must have had a barber shop in his bead when he writ dem solemn lines. *De Isles of Greece,' I has heered so much about, wasn't dey ia a barber shop ? Some folks don't preihiate de litterary labors ob de bar bers. Dis beah bead-work takes brains, yon jes bet hit does. Men, and 'specially boys f like ter be shaved. Shaving a boy am like re ducin' expenses, for yer has ter cut down. Heah ! heah 1 heah ! I .bad a young freaten ter sue me for dam ages. He said, cut off bis merstache. I tolehim I didn't see hit, and den he got so mad be wanted ter kill me. He couldn' be persuaded dat his whiskers wasn't ripe yet. De talk what barbers gib dar cos era don't do no knrt Dey nebber really says nuffin.' When a barber talks to acustomer, and am sociable like, be don't mean nuffiu 'cept dit he wants ter scrape an acquaintance. Dat's all, I has heered tell dat de reason dat we don' heah nuffin' more * about de phonograf am bekase hit weotinter a barber-shop and was talk ed ter death, but I don't believe hit. Hits simply a consult ter de barberous perfeshun. Most men will stand a clip on do bead from a barber, and dey don't lose dar temper ef de barber pulls dar nose besides. Day wouldn't take dat from nobody else 'ceptin' a barber. Before I tuok ter lecturin' I was a tonsorial artis mysef. I once tole a man wid migbtylittle bar on hisbeaddatbe need ed a bottle ob my Magic Bar Restorer and Electrcisi Elixir, but he shuck bis head very solum-like and said dat hit wasn't bar restorer so much as hit was a divorce what he needed. I guess arter all heknowed best what he want ed. I also heered dat in Chicago you could see wimen at the polls, dat dar was lots ob female barbers. Hit strikes me dis move am shear nensense. and nuffia' else. When I was tonsorial artis I had more change in my pocket dan I has had sence I has been on de lecture plat form. Uncle Mose, please pass do hat. Texas Siftings. When Baby u sick, we gave her Csatoria, When the was a Child, the cried for Castoria, When she became Hiss, the clung to Caetoria, When the had Children, the gave them Caetoria, Bucklen's Arnica Salve. THB BEST SALTB in the Uorld for Cuts Bruises Sores, oleers. Salt Rheum, Fever Sores' Tetter Chapped Hands, Shtn Eruptions, and positively curea Plies, or no pay required. It is guarauteel to give perfect sat isfaction, or money refunded. Price *£> cents per box. For sale by J. Eisenhuth.