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Ev erything done to make guests comfortable. Ratesinodera** trouage respectfully solici ted 5-ly JTJVIN HOUSE, (Most Central Hotel in the city.) CORNER OF MAIN AND -JAY STREETS LOCK HAVEN, PA. S.WOODSCALDWELL PROPRIETOR. Good sameDle rooms Travel ers on first floor. ®le ipltlmti §ttwal R. A. BUMILLER, Editor. VOL. 01. To Regulate m FAVORITE HOME REMEDY is warranted not to contain a single par ticle of Mercury or any injurious sub stance, but is purely vegetable. It will Cure all Diseases caused by Derangement of tbe Liver, Kidneys and Stomach. If your Liver is out of order, then your whole system is deranged. The blood is impure, the breath offensive; you have headache, feel languid, dispirited and nervous. To prevent a more serious con dition, take at once Simmons T flTTin REGULATOR. If you lead a l-l If P' It sedentary life, or suffer with JJi W JLIJLw Kidney AftVotloim, avoid stimulants and take Simmons Liver Regulator. Sure to relieve. If you have eaten anything hard of digestion, or feel heavy after meals or sleepless at night, take a dose and you will feel relieved and sleep pleasantly. If you are a miserable suffcier with Constipation, Dyspepsia and lliltouaneHS, seek relief at once in Simmons Liver Regulator. It does not reauire continual dosing, and costs but a trine. It will cure you. If you wake up in the morning with a bitter, bad taste in your mouth, HI ■ fITWI Simmons I.iver Regulator. It cor- I II 11 P rects the Bilious Stomach, sweetens 1 the Breath, and cleanses the Furred Tongue. Children often need some safe Cathar tic and Tonic to avert approaching sickness. Simmons Liver Regulator will relieve Colic, Head ache. Sick Stomach, Indigestion. Dysentery, and the Complaints incident to Childhood. At any time you feel your system needs cleansing, toning, regulating without violent purging, or stimulating without intoxi cating, take SinoDskrUitor. PREPARED BY J. H. ZEI LIN & CO..Philadelphia, Pa. A Grandfather For Sale. *ll*B all very well for you Cabot, to quote that trite lemaik about rank be ing only the guinea's stamp. You know as well as I do that the social guinea—here in Boston, of all places— must be stamped before it will go into circulation. Society strongly resembles retail trade in this one particular. Let me offer a lump of the purest gold to any small dealer as payment for the goods I have bought of him, and he would at once say he'd rather have the dirtiest bank cote in town than my un stamped metal ; wouldn't he ?' 'Well, I suppose he would. If we were in a more primitive state of ex istence the yellow metal, as it came from mother earth, would satisfy our greed. Now it has to he vouched for as gold before it can take its.proper po sition among the other circulating me diums.' 'Exactly so ! And as we are not in a primitive state, but a very 'highly cultured 7 one, for example. Ineed to have a stamp before I can pass muster. All the wealth my Midas of a father left to me will not take me more than just so far ; yet 1 dress according to the laws of to-day, I don't eat with my knife, I know how to raise my hat to a lady ; in short, I flatter myself that I make a fairly good appearauce. But I have no grandfather worth speaking of!' And though there was mock pa thos in bis tone, Maxwell Jennings meant more of what he said than he would have been willing his companion shou'd suspect. Edgar Cabot glanced at him a little contemptuously ; then he allowed his eyes to wander enviously around the luxurious appointments of Maxwell's rooms. Everything bespoke an abund ance of both money and taste on the part of the one who resided there. A casual observer would never have sup posed that a man who could appreciate the engravings and books which crowd ed the walls and tables was a mush room of an hour, the son of'a man who had amassed a large fortune by the manufacture of rum and judicious speculations in stocks and mines. The moment that Tom Jennings's business and all other possessions fell into his son's hands, that young man sold the obnoxious distilleries and went abroad for three years to finish the studies his father had sent him there 10 begin. Old Tom Jennings had the sense to know that h€ could never aspire to any higher position in life than the one he was born into ; but he was determin ed to 'make Max a gentleman,' and so far as cultivation and study could do it,he succeeded. 'By Jupiter, Jennings, if I bad a tithe of your money I wouldn't care a picayune if I hadn't a grandfather 1' sighed Cabot, whose bank account wa9 as short as his pedigree was long. 'And I, Cabot, would give a hundred thousand dollars this minute if 1 had one of your dignifi&J ancestors,' Jen nings answered earnestly. 'Yes, I'd give it gladly if I in any way I could claim a great-uncle or grandfather of note ! 'A fellow has a perfect right to sell what is indubitably bis own, hasn't he ?' asked Cabot, thoughtfully. 'Of course he has.' 'I, as everyone knows, am the last of my line of the Cabots. I am badly in want of money ; you think yourself— or, ;to be more exact, Dr. and Mis. Randall think you—badly in want of ancestors. What will you give me for, say old Colonel Cabot ? The oue, jou know, who was killed in King Philip's war.' MILLHEIM PA., THURSDAY, APRIL 21., 1887. 'What an absurd ideal' exclaimed Jennings, with a laugh. 'Not at all absurd. The old codger is now my great uncle ; if 1 sell him to you, why, of course, he'll be your's. Or, if you don't like him, there's my grandfather. Judge Cabot—how will tie till your hill V Now, Jennings, don't look so amused. I assure you lam in dead earnest. lam so haid up I'd sell my soul—much more such a tritle as a giandfather—for a hundred thousand dollars.' Jennings knew that Cabot spoke the truth about his financial condition, and being a good-natured fellow, who was grateful to Cabot for several introduc tions which he valued very highly, es pecially the one to the aforementioned Randalls, determined to help Cabot out of his pecuniary quagmire by humoring him in his ridiculous proposition. 'I declare, Cabot, if the thing were feasible I'd accept your offer with im mense gratitude. But suppose 1 should tell anyone that Judge Cabot belonged to me, who would believe me V' 'lf you were to buy him of me. you'd give me a receipt for him,l suppose ? Just as I would give you a receipt for the money you paid me for him.' 'Certainly I should,' answered Jen nings, laughing at the idea of giving a receipt for an ancestor. 'Then you could truthfully say that you had documentary evidence that Judge Cabot was an ancestor of your own, and that would settle it, as I would be careful to say so, too, for people rarely insist upon one's proving that Soand-So is his 'kin' ; and if anybody was still dubious you could he justly indignaut because your word was doubted.' 'I think if I buy one of them I would like to have the other to keep him com pany ; he might feel louesome so en tirely out of his element. What will you take for the two V asked Jennings, seriously. Cabot looked fixedly at him for an instant ; then, seeing that he was in earnest, answered : 'Oh, I'll not bargain with you in this trade. I'll be grateful if you will give me a huudred thousand for the two of 'em—the old Colonel and the Judge.' 'Are you sure that will satisfy you ? Suppose I say a hundred and twenty five for the two?' 'That will suit me still better, of course,' said Cabot aloud. To himself he added : 'The fellow is a bigger muff than I thought. However, he is a good fellow, and I will help him swear that they are his kinsmen, just to see how many gullible fools there are in the world.' 'llow will you have the money ? In bonds or real estate ¥' asked Jennings, 'or a happy combination of both ?' 'lf you are really in earuest, I would prefer a little of both.' 'Meet me at the Suffolk Bank to morrow, 'at ten, and I will turn the 'tin' over to you. It is an hour that will suit you, I suppose, as you are a man of leisure ?' The hour and the whole tenor of the proposition suited Cabot to a nicety ; so the next day the transfer was made, Jennings receiving, in lieu of a given sum of money, a receipt foi 'all light and title to the possession of the late Colonel Henry Cabot and the late Judge Frederic Cabot, formerly the possession of Edgar Cabot, and to all honors, rank, glory, etc., which may accrue from the ownership of the same ' A few days later Cabot proiiosed the name of Maxwell as a member of the very exclusive West End club to which he belonged. At this proposition there was some demur, and Cabot quietly said to one of the objectors : '1 know what you fellows are think ing of. You fancy that Max has noth ing hut his money to back him for ad mittance here, but you are mistaken. I happen to know-know, mind you— that he can claim lawful ownership in his excellency, the late Judge Cabot. He has papers in his possession which prove it.' 'Are you sure ?' was the amazed in quiry. 'I am, I have seen the documents to which I refer.' 'lt must have been on his mother's side if there was such relationship.' 'Did |you never hear of my aunt, Letitia, who disappeared so myster iously ?' 'I thought she committed suicide.' 'Some of us Cabots are such lunatics that we think suicide preferable to a mesalliance,' replied Cabot, significant ly. So tbe story went around that Max Jennings had just discovered that he was a descendant of the old Cabot fam ily,and when bißname was proposed for election there was not a single black ball against him. He was accordingly notified that he was duly elected a member of the Miles Standish Club. As soon as Jennings received this notification he hastened to the Recep tion Committee of said club, and ex- A PAPER FOR THE HOME CIRCLE. plained the whole matter to them. Whereat, pleased with his frankness, and highly amused at I lie nbsuidity of the transaction, the club, at its next meeting, unanimously elected him a member 'Oll his own meiits, and not those of his supposititious ancestors' and also, equally unanimously, dropped from its roll the name of Edgar Cabot, 'A man who could sell Ilia grandfather not being worthy of the noble name of a Miles Staudish Brother,' was the ver dict. Dr. Randall, in common with most of ttie suns of the first settlers, was a member of this same club, so he natur ally told his wife about the transaction between Cabot and Jennings. She an swered ; '1 am sure it evinces a very proper teeling on Mr. Jenuinga' part to want a grandfather ; hut surely he must have known that such a sale was im possible. What better off is he for tbe nominal ownership of Judge Cabot ¥' Does it give him any of the Cabot vir tues ?' 'Has the actual ownership of such a grandfather given Edgar Cabol any of those virtues ? Do you think the Judge has much to be proud of in such au heir ?' asked her husband. 'You kuow, my dear, I never had any love for Edgar Cabot, and I liaye still less for him now. Do you; sup pose that Mr. Jenuings had any idea that this purchase would enhance his value in our eyes ? He has certainly been very attentive to Olive lately, and I have feared that she liked, him too well.' 'That will never do P exclaimed the doctor emphatically. 'I cannot have one of my girls marry the son of that old Tom Jenuings, a most disreputable old creature who possessed hut one vir tue, that of generosity, so far as I can hear. No, no ; that must not be ! I have nothing against Max Jennings himself, hut 'blood will tell,' you know.' 'As it has done in the case of Edgar Cabot,' said Mrs. Randall, dryly. She liked Max, and she more than suspect ed that Olive returned the lore which Max so evidently felt for her, and she did wish that there could be some way devised by which he could he trans formed into a suitable husband for her. And then his wealth, too 1 Poor Olive had not all the pretty things which girls of her age ought to have, the mother felt. 'There are exceptions to all rules,' said the doctor conci3e'y, 'and Edgar Cabot is the exception to thi9 one.' 'May not Max Jennings be also an exception V suggested Mrs. Randall, Inr husband made no reply, only be came suddenly very much interested in the evening paper. A little later, in all about two months aftei the purchase of his ancestor, Jen nings called on Dr. Randall's family oue evening,and Olive's younger sister, an irrepressible girl of thirteen, named Pauline, said to him. somewhat ab ruptly : 'Oil, Mr. Jennings, is it true that you have bought Mr. Cabot's grand father ?' 'lt is true that Judge Cabot now be longs to me—that he is my grandfath er,' was Max's answer. 'Since Pauline broached the subject, Mr. Jennings,' said Mrs. Randall, 'I must own that I am a little curious to know what gave rise to this remarka ble story which is going around about you and Edgar Cabot.' 'Oh, it is very simple. Cabot was hard up. and I traded off a few dollars foi an ancestor or two,' replied Max lightly. 'Do you really mean to claim those dead Cabots for your own ?' asked Dr. llandall, a little testily. 'I do. Why not ?' was Max's query. 'ls not what you pay for your own ?' Dr. Randall could neither say yes nor no. While ho was hesitating for a suitable answer which should cover the whole ground and yet not hurt Max's feelings, Max continued : 'You know, sir, that you value de scent above money. Let us suppose a case: If a man had a daughter, and two men were to present themselves as suitors, the one with a good name but a poor purse, the other in exactly the reverse condition, to which would you advise her to give an affirmative an swer ?' Dr. Randall appreciated the full meaning of this question, which was even harder than the previous one to be answered. He could not collect his thoughts as quickly as his older daugh ter did, however. Before her father could frame a reply, Olive said deter minedly : 'I think it would be well to let the girl have some voice in such a matter. I think that the characters of the two men ought to be taken into considera tion. I don't believe any girl would want a man who could sell his grand father. She'd be more apt to see wor thy qualities in one who didn't con sider money the only thing worth hav ' ing.' There was no mistaking the signifl cance of Olive's tones, or of her (lushed face. l)r. Randall loved his children, so,saying to hitmelf : 'Max is at heart a gentleman, in spile of his extraction ; perhaps there was good blood on hi mother's side,' tie pretended to make a jest of the whole matter, and answer ed : 'Ah, Max, you see what a minority I am in ! My wife always agrees with Olive, and even Pauline echoes her, so 1 dare not dispute a word she says.' Max looked pleased, and Mrs. Ran dall positively beamed en her husband. But fancy the feelings of all when Max said : 'The most singular part of the whole affair is this : One of my—of old Tom Jenning's friends heard of this bargain between Cibot and me, and put me in the way of proving that Tom Jennings adopted me in my earliest infancy out of au orphan asylum, where 1 had been placed by my mother just before her death. She was in consumption, and as her last few hours drew near she made a confidant of Turn Jenning's wife, and told her that ahe had been deceived by a false marriage between herself and the father of this Edgar Cabot. As the years passed, and Tom found that the Cabots were not, as a rule, dissolute men, he thought he would investigate the so-called false marriage. He did so, and found that it was a genuine one ; that my father, Edgar Cabot, Sr., had of deceiving my mother, but haying died suddenly before my birth, had kept the marriage secret only for fear of bis father's wrath, for my mother was a plain farmer's daughter, poor but hon est, as ths phrase is. Old Tom had become fond of me, and Knowing that the Cabots had nothing to bequeath me except the name, he legally adopted me as his son. So, you see, I purchased my ancestors of nay older half-brother, Edgar Cabot. I came here to-night, Dr. Randall, to tell you this story : To morrow—' 'Max, was your mother's name Ra chel ?' Dr. Randall asked, abruptly. 'Yes ; Rachel Dennison, of Weston Mills.' 'I was present at your birth, boy,and your mother told me this story. I in vestigated t for her sake, and found it was true, your father having been a widower before he met your mother. When I next saw her she was dead aud the baby had vanished, so the whole thiug went out of my mind until this moment.' Here the doctor had to pause to rub his spectacles,and Pauline took advantage of the brief silence to say : 'Now that you've got a grandfather of your own, I suppose you and Olive will be getting married, and then you'll be my brother Max, will you not ?' New Style of Salutation. During his first visit to Paris, M. Lasalle, a distinguished German pre sented himself at the house of a well known lady, to whom he had sent let ters of introduction in advance. When the servant opened the door and re ceived his card she conducted him to the boudoir and told him to be seated, saying: 'Madame will come immediately.' Presently the lady entered. She was in deshabille and her feet were bare; covered only with loose slippers. She bowed to bira carelessly and said' 'Ah there you are good , morning., She threw herself on a sofa, let fall a slipper, and reached out to Lasalle her very pretty foot. Lasalle, naturally was completely astounded, but he remembered that at his home in Germany it was the cus tom so metimes to kiss a lady's hand, and he supposed it was the Paris mode to kiss her foot. Therefore he did not hesitate to imprint a kiss upon the fascinating foot so near him, but he could not avoid saying: 'Thank you madam, for this new mode of makinga lady's acquaintance. It is much better and certainly more generous than kissing the hand.' The lady jumped up, highly indig nant. 'Who are you, sir, and what do you mean ?' He gave his name. 'You are not, theD, a corn doctor V 'I am charmed to say, madam, that I am not.* 'But you sent me the corn doctor's card.' It was true. Lasalle in going out that.morning had picked up a card of a corn doctor from his bureau and put it in his pocket. This, without glanc ing at, he had given to the servant who had given it to her mistress. There was nothing to do but laugh ov er the joke. Terms, SI.OO per Year, in Advance. Brußqueness and Want of Tact. Tbe Rev. Mark Pattison, who died somo months ago, and who was a typical Englishman and scholar, was once appealed to by a violate Ameri can girl, as to whether be thought she could write a book, 'I had to disap point her, poor thing!' he writes. 'I told her she was the "most ignorant woman I ever met.' Another 'young woman who had written some clever essays was aston ished by bis unasked criticism to tbe effect that bo 'considered her conver sation extremely feeble.* White he was dying he comforted his weeping wite with the remark: 'Oh yes, my dearl No doubtl No doubt! But you'll soon marry again. I've arranged that you shall be com fortable until you do.' The lady soon, by the way, fulfilled his prophecy. This brutal frankness is the trait wbich most widely separates the Eng lishman from his American cousin. The American is more sensitive and quick in sympathy. He is too, taught consideration for his neighbors from his cradle, and however candid he may be, learns to keep unpleasant truths affecting himself or others. But if the English boy finds a hole in his poorer schoolmate's shoe, he will harry him incessantly with coarse chaff about it. Why not ? He would not hide a hole in his own shoe. The same brusqueness and want of tact is apparent in every rank of life. A noted English author, while trav eling through this country, appeared at a large dinner given in his honor in a flannel shirt and business suit. Glancing round the table, he muttered: 'Ah, evening dress! The custom at home. Quiteso! Quite so! But I did not know that you dressed like gen tlemen here.' Canon Kingsley, while in this coun try, stunned the chairman of a literary club, who was welcoming him to a re ception in somewhat tiorid terms, by staring at him curtly saying.' I con sidered your remark in a very bad taste. Then turning his back on him he walked away. In none of these instances, prob ably did the Englishman wish to offend, nor was he concious of offend ing. The lack of that nervous sensi tivenecs which he ridicules Id the A merican, makes him unable to see this defect in his own good-breeding Youth's Companion. Playing Fool. An industrious young shoemaker fell into the habit of spending much time at a saloon near by. One by one his customers begau to desert him. When his wife remonstrated with him for so neglecting his work for the sa loon he would carelessly reply, 'Oh, I've just been down a little while play ing pool.' His little two-year-old caught the refrain, and would often ask, 'ls yon goin' down to plav fool, papa?' Smith tried in vain to correct this word. Tho child persisted in his own pronunciation, and day by day, he accosted his father with 'Has you been play in' fool, papa?' This made a deep impression on the shoemaker, as he realized that the question was being answered by the tailing off of his customers and the growing wants of the household. He resolved again and igain to quit the pool table, but weakly allowed the passion of play to hold him a long time. Finally he found himself out of work, out of money, and out of flour. Sitting on his bench one after noon idle and despondent, he was heard to exclaim: 'No work again to-day—what I'm to do I don't know?' 'Why, papa,' prattled the baby, can't you run down and play fool some more?' 'O hush! you poor child,' groaned his father shame-stricken. That's the trouble. Papa has played fool too much already.' But he never played it again, and to-day ' his home is comfortable and happy once more. An editor having read in auotber pa per that there is a tobacso, which if a man smoke or chew it, "will make him foreet that he owes a dollar in the world," innocently concludes that many of his subscribers haye been fur nished with the article* NO. 16. LAWS If subscribers oriler the discoutiiiuatlon >f newspapers, the imoiUhers may continue to send them until all awarapes are pain. If siilwrllwr*. refuse ir nephet Intake their newspa|ers from tle olllee to whtchthey are sent they are held responsible until they hatre settled the bIHs aid ordered them discontinued. If subscriber* move toother places without in forming the publisher, and the newspapers are sent to the former place, they are reepottblbie. ADVBBTIBINO AATIM. 1 wk. i mo. 13 mos. 6 naoa.,ll yea I 1 square $2 00 s4so | sSso<'# 640 $8(0 Woo.um 400 ,00| Ijoo I|oo 18(0 r " 10 00 15 00 1 2500 46 00 75 00 One inch makes a square. Administrators and Executors' Notices $2-10. Transient adver tisements and locals 10 cents per tine for first Insertion and 6 cents per line for each addition al insertion* SIGNIFICANT I dome of the Last Public Opinions of a Great Man. Neva York Correspondence, Cleveland Leader. One has a most excellent opportunity to study "man" as represented by the average New Yorkers. Among the wealthy classes, very many of them have the waxy skin, dropsical flesh,and "puffed eyes" that are indicative of serious kidney affection. "Bright's disease" is "plainly written on their faces. Since General Logan's death the subject of rheumatism i being dls cussed.by the medical profession. Every intelligent person, with any knowledge of the human system, is well aware that if the kidneys are in good condition all unneooessary mater ial is regularly carried off by them. If not, various acids, such as uric acid, one of the chief causes of rheumatism, are left in excess,creating deposits that cause all sorts of chronic organic dis eases. It would seem, therefore, that rheumatism, like dropsy, is not a dis ease, but the result of a disease, and it is safe to say that if the stomach and kidneys are kept in heaithfni condition, there will be no deaths from rheuma tism. General Logan was well aware that his'disease was of the kidoeys,aod once expressed himself in indignant terms at the folly of doctors treating him for rheumatism, when it was the kidneys that caused his attacks. Tbe high liy ing and the excesses in all things, pre valent among wealthy men in large cities, especially in New York, is tbe chief cause for Bright's disease, and the aristocratic trouble known as rheumatism, even as insufficient and improper food being about the same re sults among tbe very poor. The aboye article, which we repro duce because of its general interest, is very significant. Tbe public believes that rheumatism is an effect of diseas ed blood, this disease being caused by uric acid of kidney poison. Enough of this is developed daily to kill several men, and if it is not removed by tbe kidneys as fast as formed, it gradually ruins the nealth. This fact is a scientific demonstra tion. If doctors jdo not admit it, it is prob ably because they do not wish to attract attention to the menace deranged kid neys offers to the general health, since they have no authorized specific for these^organs. General Logan knew what his real trouble was,and he recognized thelnon. sense of treating the effects—the real seat of the disease was the kidneys. Senator bittig, of Illinois, whose vote elected Logan senator after four months of balloting, tells as that Logan often complained to him of great distress in his kidneys. Disease of the kidneys al ways produces rheumatism,and besides that, it caused paralysis, apoplexy, im potency, stomach and blood disorders, brain troubles, female complaints and countless other diseases which would almost never develop if the blood was kept free of uric acid or kidney poison. These facts the public recognizes even though medical gentlemen for very evident reasons, will not publicly acknowledge them, least, perchance, some proprietary medicine, like Warn er's safe cure, which is sold by all deal* ers and is now admitted to be tbe only scientific specific, will get tbe benefit. Fie on such bigotry 1 It has been authoritatively stated time and again that there can be no real sound health if there is any false action of the kid neys. Insurance companies refuse millions of risks on this ground alone, hence it is that there is such universal popularity given to the great prepara tion named—a popularity that is based upon intrinsic 'merit. Too much dependence upon profes sional advice, especially in matters over which medical men? admit they have no power, too often results very disastrously, but of what use to the victim is experience gained by fetal dis aster 1 How much better it is to be guided by an unprejudiced public opinion in such matters. Had Logan been so guided he might haye been spared many years. ■ ——i' 1 "* Set Fire to His Little Brother. LEBANON, Pa., April 14.— During the temporary absence of Mrs. Robert E. Shay from her residence in this city this morning her fourteen-year old son, Raymond, drew a burning splint from the stove and pointed it at the face of his little two-year-old brother who was sitting at the table. The little fellow's clothing was set on fire, and before tbe flames could be extinguished nearly every vestige of clothing was burned from his body. Dr. V. H. All weir was quickly summoned, but on his arrival it was evident that the child's injuries would terminate fatally, which proved to be the case an hour later. The burning created great excitement. UNCLB JUMBO was caught with a stolen chicken bid in his hat, and when asked how it came there, be replied: "Fore de Lord, boss, that fowl * must have crawled up my breeches leg."