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_—i—- —— -
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VOL. 00.
THE GREAT REGULATOR
PURELY VEGETABLE.
Are You Bilious? _
The Regulator net-er fails to curt. I most
cheerfully recommend it to all who suffer from
Bilious Attacks or any Disease caused by a dis
arranged state of the Liver.
KANSAS City, Mo. W. R BERNARD.
Do You Want Good Digestion?
I suffered intensely with Full Stomach. Head
ache, etc. A neighbor, who had taken Simmons
Liver Regulator, told me it was a sure cure for
my trouble. The first dose 1 took relieved me
very much, and in one week's time 1 was as strong
and hearty as ever I was. It is the best mtJicint
1 evtr took for Pys/efsia
RICHMOND, Va. H. G. CRBNSHAW.
Do You Suffer from Constipation ?
Testimony of HIRAM WARNRK, Chief-Justice of
Ga.: " I have used Simmons I aver Regulator for
Constipation of my Bowels, caused by a temporary
Derangement of the Liver, for the last three or
four years, and always with decided benefit."
Have You Malaria ?
I have had experience with Simmons Liver Regu
lator since 186s, and regard it as the greatest
medicine of the times for diseases peculiar to
malarial regions. So good a medicine deserves
universal commendation
Rbv M B WHARTON,
Cor. Sec'y Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.
I LIVER REGULATOR!
See that you get the genuine, with the red Z
on front of Wrapper, prepared only by
J. H.ZEILIN St CO.,
SOLI PROPRIETORS, PHI 1 -ADELPH IA, PA.
A HOME THRUST.
BY WILLIAM M'ARTIIUR.
Abu Ben Iladar and Muli Ibraham,
two came' drivers, were crossing from
contrary directions the Desert of Shali,
on the way to Shiraz, and met at the
Oasis of El Ghoun.
The former, who was the older of
the two, had been a slave in the early
part of his career, haying been captur
ed by pirates ; and, after having passed
from one master to another, he had at
length found himself in Constantino
ple, where he was held for a time in
close servitude by a merchant of that
city extensively engaged in commerce ;
but he had at length contrived to effect
his escape, and had made his way after
many vicissitudes in a northeasterly
direction, where he adopted his present
avocation.
Muli, on the other hand, had never
since infancy been anything almost but
a 'child of the deseir.' He was, never
theless, brought up strictly in the tents
of ttie Koran, of which lie WHS a ligid
obserer, an<i on the present occasion he
was glad to meet a man who had seen
so much of the outside world.
While the two driveia smoked their
narghilies under the palm trees, their
camels resting meanwhile in the shade,
Abu entertained his young companion
with details of what was to be observ
ed beyond the limits cf the trackless
waste of sand. lie told him ot the
magnificjnce of Stamboul, which far
excelled in all the Shiroz could produce,
even as the sun, the monarch of day,
outshines the brightness of the pale
Queen of night, or as the great star Al
gor exceeds in dazzlhg splendor the
radiance of the entire cluster of, the
Pleiades.
'Tell me, O, Father !' said Muli
'something about the forbidden cup of
the Giaour.'
'Son,' said the old man, impressively,
'lf thou woulds't prolong thy days and
secure the favor of Allah (whose name
be ever blessed), shun that cup. Thou
hast never, evidently from thy inqui
ry, seen it, or its effects. The wild
beasts that roam at night through the
ruins of Persepolis, are not more dan -
gerous to man than it is. The fascina
ting gaze of the deadly serpent which
lureth its victim to destruction while
daralizing his every effort to escape is
not more certainly perilous. The si roc
co, whose deadly blast carryeth with it
destruction to man and beast, is mild
in its effect when compared with the
blight that lies concealed in the accurs
ed wine cup. The carcases that strew
the desert, food for its vultures, are
mere unils to the number of those slain
daily by the intoxicating drink. Thou
art still young. Let nothing tempt
thee—curiosity sometimes may ; let
nothing induce thee—the invitation of
the treacherous Frank often may—to
touch, to taste, to handle. I have seen
what it can work ; therefore, I say be
warned I'
The sun had descended some degrees
from his meridian altitude when the
two camel drivers seperated, each to
pursue his monotonous journey.
When Mu'i arrived at his destina
tion he found awaiting him two offi
cials connected with a British Diplo
matic mission, the senior of whom
took from a parcel which formed part
of the baggage carried by his camel,
some important dispatches.
'ln the nick of time, Biett,' observed
the officer to his friend. 'One day late,
and our mission here was useless.'
'How lucky ! What a good thing to
be abb to pluck at the whisker of the
Russian Bear.'
MILLIIEIM, PA., THURSDAY, DECEMBER J)., 1880.
'By Jove ! I wouldn't have missed
this parcel for a deal. We have the
ball at our feet now, and our St.Peters
burgh neighbors ate completely out
witted. We must at once set to work
and give Sir George our views by wire
from Toubliu. It is not too late to
checkmate the Russian intrigue.'
'1 am at your service, Villers.'
Both officials were versed in ihe Ori
ental tongue in winch Muli spoke ;
and, after having commended him for
his promptitude, and'placed a gold coin
in his hand as a gratuity, ihey directed
him to remain until he was rested, and
told him they would lequire him to
proceed to Toubliu with an important
message,which he was to conceal about
his person, and which he was not to
lose an hour in carrying ; and, above
all, that secrecy was to be observed.
T think, Brett,' said Villiers, aside,
'that the fellow deserves share of a bot
tle of Giesler for his alacrity.'
Major Brett then proceeded to un
cork a champagne bottle,and, each gen
tleman having drank a glass, tho Major
tilled out a bumper for Muli.
'ls it good to take ? I have never
tasted wine, Effendi.'
'Certainly ; take it off while it fizzes.
It will do you good.'
'I will drink it, master, on one con
dition only,' said Muli, 'and that is,
that as you say it is not hurtful, you
let me have a bottle or two for my next
journey.'
'By all was the ready re
sponse.
Muli took the glass and said he
would drink it outside before starting
on the intended journey, leaving the
apartment as he spoke.
The spirit of inquiry was now exci
ted in him for a purpose he has in
view.
'Say, O friend,' said he to the aged
man who stood at the door of the ba
zaar, 'what effect will the drinking of
this wine produce on me ?'
'lt will make thee merry, and it will
make the sad. Thy tongue will be on
thy sleeve, and the thing thou shouldst
not say will be spoken before thou art
aware that the word a uttered.'
This was sufficient for Muli ; he
simply smeared his face and drenched
his clothes with part of the liquor, and
spilled what remained on the ground.
When the hour came for loading the
camel, Muli found the two English offi
cers ready with their paper. It was
written in cipher and was to be cariied
in the fold of his turban. Few words
passed between them. True to their
promise as 'gentlemen' they handed
Muli two bottles of champagne, while
he returned th m the empty glass with
urofound thanks, again wiping his lips.
The camel kneeled, and the driver
mounted its back while both officers
stood by.
'Now Muli make haste, and mind'—
sail Major Brett putting his finger to
his mouth to enjoin secrecy and wari
ness.
Judge of the consternation of the
two diplomats, when Muli, scarcely had
the camel started, gave utteranc to an
unearthly yell and waved his turban in
which the dispatch was concealed, high
in the air. Both Brett and Villers
looked at each other for a moment in
speechless horror, and then shouted af
ter Muli to stop. It was too late, 'the
ship of the desert' was going at a pace
that defied either of them, even if
mounted on race horses, to come a
breast of him.
'The fellow is as drunk as a fiddle,'
said Villers, mournfully.
'Unquestionably, you see, he wasn't
used to liquor. What's to be done ?
Everything is spoiled if he 100533 the
dispatch, or blabs out where it's hid
den.'
Muli stoppei. ..'hen he got about half
a mile on his journey, and leisurely dis
mounted from his camel. The officers,
perceiving this, hurried along till they
reached him. They found the camel
driver seated, legs crosswise, on the
sand, endeavoring to open one of the
bottles ; but the complex mechanism of
the wire and capsule was too much for
him.
'You drunken scoundrel,' bellowed
Villiers, nearly out of puff, as he ap
plied a riding whip, which he carried,
to the poor fellow's shoulders. 'What
do you mean ? Stiow me_the paper I
gave you.'
Muli with a vacant stare, took off his
turban, but the dispatch was no where
to be found in it.
'I have it in my htait, exclaimed
Brett, 'to murder you ou the spot.
Give me back that bottle.'
'I thought,' stammered Muli, 'you
told me it would do me good.'
He then fumbled about his breast
and pulled out the dispatch, which he
had transferred from his turban as he
was squatted on the ground, while
screened by the camel.
'Can we trust him to proceed on the
journey ?'
'Certainly not ; he'll hand the paper
over to the first scout he meets, and
tell him where it came from. And
A PAPER FOR THE HOME CIRCLE.
now, unfortunately, every hour is of
importance. What & mess to be in !'
Muli did not understand the conver
sation as it was carried on in English;
but, untutored as lie was, he read the
distrust of him in the countenance of
both officers. Getting astride the cam
el, and looking with his wonted intelli
gence at the E glishmen, he said, ad
dressing Major Brett.
'Fffendi, 1 am leady and able to do
your bidding. I tasted not tho uuhal
lowed cup. to partake of which would
in the case of your humble slave have
been a greater evil to him than the loss
of that paper to you. You knew not
what you were doing- when you placed
the temptation in my way of giving
me first the glassful and next these
two bottles. Your message would not
have been safe, for the Koran says that
'a drunken mouth is as a babbling
brook.' Take them, for Besmillah ! 1
shall never again, as the wise Abu Ben
Hadar warned me, touch or handle.
Taste I never will.
'We are a nice pair of diplomats tru
ly,' said V illiers, reddening at the re
buke, and handing back tho document
to the cumel driver, 'to bring driuk in
to business.'
'Aye, whether in or out of it,' said
the Major, laying about him on the
two bottles with the butt end of bis
whip, 'and when we get back we ought
to smash every bottle we baye. I'm a
total abstainer, as Chinese Gordon was,
for life.'
Villiers placed his hand inside the
Major's to signify that he was one with
him in the resolution.
'Allah be praised 1' exclaimed Muli
Ibraham, at he watched the breaking
of the bottles, and sped on his jour
ney.
Proud of His Slater.
The Chicago TRIBUNE relates the
case of a young man who was regard
ed as a phenomenon, because he took
his sister to all the best entertain
ments, and actually devoted himself
to her during the lecture and concert
season. Being praised for his unusual
attention to his sister, the young man
promptly and proudly replied :
' No, there's nothing wonderlul nor
extraordinary about it. She is the
only woman I know in whom I have
the most thorough confidence. She is
always the same ; always pleased and
affectionate. To tell you the candid
truth, I'm afraid she'll go and marry
some of these imitation men around
here and be unhappy all her life.
"She has nobody else to look to,
and I'll take care she does not have to
look to anybody else. I suppose some
day a genuine man will come along.
If he's a genuine man, I won't object.
Until he does come,she's good enough
for me ; and if ever I find as good a
girl, I'll marry her."
The example is most commendable.
A young 1 man would do well to seek
his sister's society until he finds a
nother lady as good as his sister.
The Knife and Pork.
No question ever had better reasons
on both sides than that, whether one
sending a plate to be helped a second
time should leave the knife and fork on
the plate or hold them in the hand. If
one sends them with the plate some one
is liable to have dropped on the soft
spot of his or her head in passing back
and forth. They are liable to settle
themselves on the exact spot the helper
wishes to deposit the article of food
sent for ; then the helper must remove
them or deposit the food on them. If
one holds them in the hand while wait
ing he is in no graceful position.
Think of one chatting with a lady be
side him about orchids or chrysanthe
mums, or the Wagner school of music,
with |a "greasy knife and fork in his
hand. Then, in which hand shall he
hold tlsem ? Shall he rest his wrist on
the table and violate a rule of long
standing ? or hold them up as a officer
would carry a sword on parade ? There
are many knotty questions of etiquette,
but few more knotty than this.
Required no Soul.
Omaha Theatre Manager—"Want a
free pass, eh ? I can't see why I should
give you a pass."
Seedy Applicant—"l am a tragedian,
sir."
"Oh ! Come now."
"I played in King Henry, sir, in New
York city."
"Humph ! You might possibly walk
through a part, but a man of your tem
perament could never put any soul into
it, and—"
"I didn't walk through it, sir, and 1
did put all the soul iulo the part that it
required. Not a paper said otherwise."
"Well! Well! I thought I was a
pretty good judge of actors,but—by the
way—what part did you play ?"
"I played the corpse, sir !"
Water for Stook in Winter.
A large proportion of the food of
our animals is used to keep up the
temperature of the body to about one
hundred degrees. Cold weather, damp
barn-yards, cracks in the bams or
sheds, want of bedding and exposure
to storms, greatly increase the con
sumption of food to no good purpose.
Much more regard is now paid to the
comfort of our stock in these respects
than formerly. We think, however,
many fail to realize the loss of food
sustained by compelling animals to
drink ice-cold water. Water as it
comes fresh from tho well has a tem
perature of about fifty-five degrees
When allowed to stand until frozen
over and the ice then brokon, and
pieces of ice suffered to remain in the
water, the temperature speedily falls
to thirty-five degrees. Experiments
are reported which seem to show that
it pays to artificially warm the drink
ing water for milch cows. Be this as
it may, no one can doubt that water
at filty-five degrees is cold enough for
health. The water that an animal
drinks has to be raised to the temper
ature of its body, say one hundred
degrees. And, of course, it requires
much more fuel in food to raise a pail
lul of water from thirty-five degrees
to one hundred degrees than a pailful
of fresh water from fifty-five degrees
to one hundred degrees. If the heat
required to warm the pailful of water
twenty degrees was derived from hay
or straw, or grain, the loss would not
in many cases be severely felt. But,
as a matter of fact, this heat is ob
tained from the consumption of fat
and flesh, or butter and cheese. This
is expensive fuel. We are well aware
that it is not always easy to furnish
animals water free from ice. We fill
the trough with water, and the cows,
and sheep, and horses do not drink as
much as we expected, and the next
morning there is a thick layer of ice
upon the water. In such a case f
break the ice in as large pieces as pos
sible and pull them out with a potato
hook or rake. Do not leave them to
melt in the water. Pump plenty of
fresh water for the animals.—Ameri
can Agriculturist for December.
Female Vanity Confounded.
A celebrated Parisian belle, who
had acquired the habit of whitewash
ing herself so to speak,from the soles
of her feet to the roots of her hair,
with chemically prepared cosmetics,
one day took a medicated bath, and,
on emerging from it, she was horrified
to find herself as black as an Ethiop
ian. The transformation was com
plete; not a vistage of the 'supreme
Caucasian race' was left. Iler phys
ician was sent for in alarm and haste.
On his arrival he laughed immoder
ately, and said : 'Madame, you are
J 1 '
not ill ; you arc a chemical product.
You are no longer a woman, but a
sulphide. It is not now a question of
medical treatment, but of simple chem
ical reaction. I shall subject you to a
bath of sulphuric acid diluted with
water. The acid will have the honor
of combining with you ; it will take
up the sulphur, the metal will produce
a sulphate, and we shall find as a pre
cipitate a very pretty woman.'
The good-natured physician went
through with his reaction, and the
belle was restore*} her membership
with the white race. Young ladies
who are ambitious of snowy complex
ions should remember this, and be
careful what powders and cosmetics
they use—if they use any at all.—
Journal of Chemistry.
New Way to Sell Goods.
A new method uf selling goods on
commission has been discovered. Re
cently a saie was announced in a pri
vate residence in an ultra-feshionable
part of the city. The announcement
was of small interest, for it was well
known that the house, though preten
tious in appearance,was furnished most
scantly. What was the surprise of the
first strollers-iu to find tho parlors most
exquisitely furnished and fairly a-glit
ter with costly bric-a-bric and bronzes.
The same splendor was repeated in the
drawing and dining rooms and bed
chambers. Costly rugs lay on the
floors; expensive curtains hung at the
windows ; one and all Drought exorbi
tant prices and reaped a whirlwind of
questions. The secret has leaked out.
The house was "arranged" for the sale;
the goods were loaned by enterprising
merchants, and the far seeing head of
the house pocketed a neat little sum on
the commission principle.-Philadelphia
1 Times.
Terms, SI.OO per Year, in Advance.
A CHINESE DOCTOR.
A Proscription From a Piotureequo
CMeetial Physician.
Here 1 was, face to face with the
Chinese doctor, whose advertisement
was printed in English, but who sadly
complicated things by talking the
Chinese. I told him that I hadn't
learned Chinee yet. His mouth'widen
ed into a grin, and he motioned me to a
wooden-bottomed chair.
"Chin Foo comee light f wale," he
said.
Chin Foo was the interpreter. He
came back in ten minutes as happy and
dapper a looking Chinaman as ever
trotted through Mott street, New York
City. Until he came I amused myse'f
critically ogling this physician from the
Flowery Kingdom. He was decidedly
picturesque. His tall figure was en
veloped ill a long, loose robe of yellow
figured Chinese silk.like the magician's
garb in juvenile fairy tales. All but
the extreme top of his head was shaven
as smooth as a billiard ball. From the
crown depended a queue of raven hair,
almost as long as the man was tall and
braided like a German maiden's locks.
From his upper lip dropped a black
mustache. The ends weie of extraordi
nary length. But surprising as the
moustache looked it wasn't half as
strange as his left hand. He had let
the nails grow until they were fully an
inch in length. They were polished
until they glistened. The nails of his
other hand were pared close to the fin
ger tips. He leisurely pulled a cigarette
of very strong black tobacco as he sat
opposite me against the background of
brilliant curtains.
"See here, Foo," I said, "I've got
malaria. I'ye had it a long time—a
good deal longer than I want it. I'm
told your doctor makes a specialty of
knocking out malaria in a single
round."
"That's right," rejoined Foo, with a
grin, "let the doctor feel youripulse."
Foo jabbered to his fantastic princi
pal in Chinese, and held out my hand
to him. The long-nailed Celestial took
one of ray wrists in either hand,pressed
his fingers against the pulse, and stud
ied the floor with bowed head in silence
so long that I looked quizingly up at
Chin Foo and requested an explana
tion.
"What's the matter with youi doc
tor, Foo V" I said. "Dose the case
stagger him V And what in thunder
does he want to feel both ray pulses
for ?"
"Oil, that's the regular professional
method in China," the dapper little in
terpreter returned, smiling at my mys
tification. ' lie's orthodox as ortho
doxy in China can make him. It's a
peculiarity of physicians in the Flow
ery Kingdom to study the beat of both
pulses."
The pig-tailed Celestial medicine man
looked up from the fioorand let go both
my wrists as lively as Chin Foo got to
the end of his remarks. Then he reach
ed for a pencil and one of the great
sheets of yellow paper that were piled
high 011 a red table in front of him.
"lie is going to build you a prescrip
tion now," Coin Foo said admiringly.
"Watch him; it'll interest you."
The piescription was a corker in size.
The medicine man began at the upper
right hand corner of the big yellow
sheet with a jerky sort of scribble that
tuiltup curiously Chinese characters
in columns of three so fast that I could
hardly follow him with my eye. lie
built other columns under the first one
until, after he had been at work some
thing less than five minutes,the Chinese
characters were piled up on top of each
other in huge rows like the Navarro
flats.
"That's all," cried Foo, as with a
sigii of relief, I saw the medicine man
from Canton drop his pencil and shove
over the yellow prescription. "You
can get this put up down in Mott street
and nowhere else. The doctor's fee is
$2, please."
"When you get this medicine you
must fix it up into tea, and take half a
cupful at a dose three times a day. Half
a teacup is rather a small dose, too, for
you must remember that the Chinese
take their medicine by the wholesale
when they take any at all. Their med
icines are all allopathic to a heroic ex
tent so far as the consumption of reme
euies is concerned."
An hour later I found the Chinese
pharmacy of Hong Wall, Hoe King &
Co., the solitary Chinese drug store of
Gotham. It was on the eround floor of
a three-story building on the south side
of Mott street, that looked very much
like a little German grocery decked
with nc placards. The clerk laid his
mammoth pipe carefully aside, with the
punk still sticking in the hole in the
side, glanced at the prescription and
then started to make it up. He drew
a handful of what resembled cinnomon
sticks from one drawer, and laid them
in a big metal scoop. This scoop was
fastened on one end of a wooden rod
that the clerk held poised in the air by
a string. He hung a number of dang
ling weights on the other end of this
astonishing pharmacehtical scale.until,
after a tedious d±lay, he finally struck
a balance. Then he dropped the wfiole
thing on the counter and grabbed some-
NO. 48-
r Ji.-T*. et X.ikAltcit\
I ij
>. W' "
1 square *2 no * 4 (Si
1 ,4 10 001 15 00 25 001 Tffjl) I Tfcn
One inch makes a square. Administrates
and Executors' Notices #2.50. Transient adver
tisements and locals lo cents iter line for llrst
insei tl<m and a cents per line for each addition
al insertion
thing else from another drawer. This
he weighed in the same tiresome fash
ion.
There were fifteen or sixteen different
and desperate looking drugs or herbs in
that l>ig yellow prescription, and when
the moon-eyed Mongolian had weighed
them all out separately he bundled them
all together again in red paper in a
package bigger than my head, and an
assistant who sat in a far off corner
walked oyer to him, listened to him
jabber something in Chinese and said
in very fair English: "Dollar and
half."
When I got there I dumped the whole
pile of medicine, sticks and powders
and roots, into a kettle of hot water
and boiled them for an hour until they
became a tea, as Foo had directed. It
was a most villainous and uninviting
decoction when I lifted the lid at the
expiration of the hour and poured out
half a. cupful. Long wrestling with
the multitudinous aches and paines and
ills of life had made me familiar with a
varied and terrible series of unsavory
medical drinks, but never in my life
bad 1 introduced into my poor stomach
any thing so horrible to the taste as the
tea that came of boiling these Chinese
drugs and herbs. By a mighty effort I
foreed*the dose down my throat, and
kept it theie by a lieroic and masterful
struggle of the will. The nightmare
that made my broken slumbers weird
and awful was but a trifle compared
with the internal commotion that rack
ed ray system that night when I was
not wrestling with variegated terrois
of the nightmare, and in the morning
my liver felt as if John L. Sullivan had
been using it all night as a send bag.
My spirits were dismal as a November
fog, and I felt as if to offer me food
were to heap insult upon my misery.
But a wholly uulooked for rise in ray
spirits followed the tremendous shaking
up ( of my liver. The tea produced a
healthy stimulation of the torpid organ
that made me feel happy and regenerat
ed for a whole week. And each time
thereafter that I made mycelf tempor
arily seasick by swallowing the awful
stuff tne reaction was similaDy grate
ful and invigorating.
What Makes a Home.
I never saw a garment too fine for
a man or maid ; there was never a
chair too good for a cobbler or a coop
er to sit in; never a house too fine to
shelter the human head. These ele
ments about us, the gorgeous sky, the
imperial sun, are not too good for the
human race. Elegance fits man. But
do we not value these tools of house
keeping a little more than they are
worth, aud sometimes mortgage home
for the mahogany we would bring in
to it ? I would rather eat my dinner
off the bead of a barrel, or dress after
the fashion of John the Baptist in the
wilderness, or sit on a block all my
life, than consume all mysell before I
get home, and take so much pains
with the outside that the inside was
as hollow as an empty nut. Beauty
is a great thing, but beauty of gar
ments, house and furniture is a very
tawdry omameßt compared with do
mestic love. All the elegance in the
world will not make a home, and I
would give more for a spoonful of
hearty love than for whcle shiploads
of furniture, and all the upholsterers
of the world could gather together.
PROFANE LANGUAGE.
A gentleman should never sneak pro
fanely. Beyond any moral objection
there may be in profanity, one must re
member that it is liable t> grate on the
feelings of another. Sir Isaac Newton,
one of the greatest minds the world
has produced and most far seeing into
the works of the Creator, is said to
have never mentioned the deity with
out raising his hand to his head in tc
ken of reverence. IfNevton did not
think himself competent to speak pro
fanely of the creator ot the universe, it
is not likely that theie are others who
may, with safety, consider themselves
at liberty to do so.
Dick Agrees to Do His Best.
Young Winks—"Dick, my boy, will
your sister Nellie he at home this even
ing ?"
Little Dick—"Guesso."
"It's only a night or two since I call
ed, but I'd like to call again this even
ing if I thought she'd be at home.
Here's some candy lor you, Dick."
"Thanks awfully."
"Now, Dick, I want you to be a good
little friend of mine."
"Well, I'll be careful not to let her
know you're comiug."
No Place Like Home.
"Why," asked the teacher, "did
Payne write 'There's No Place Like
Home ?'" "Because," replied the
smart bad boy, "it was the truth. He
had no home, and of course there was
no place like a place that wasn't any
vvnere." And the teacher started to
mark him zero, but stopped and got to
thinking and thinking, aud finally told
him that wasn't correct, and marked
him perfect. —Burdette.
TnE conductor exclaimed angrily :
"Here, don't do that. You're ringing
the bell at both ends of the car."
"That's all right. Bedad, an* I want
both ends of the car to sbtop."