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y B. STOVER,
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the public con expect the best work <ind
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Shop 2 doors *est Millheim Banking House,
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QUMMINS HOUSE,
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House newly refitted and refurnished. Ev
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Rates moderate. Patronage respectfully solici
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gT. ELMO HOTEL,
Nos. 317 & 319 ARCH ST.,
PHILADELPHIA.
RATES REDUCER TO $2,00 PER DAY.
The traveling public will still find at this
Hotel the same liberal provision for their com
fort. It is located in the immediate centres of
business and places of amusement and the dif
ferent Rail-Road depots, as well as all parts ot
the city, are easily accessible by Street Cars
cunstantly passing tbe doors. It offers special
inducements to those visiting the city for busi
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Your patronage respectfully solicited.
JOB. M. Feger. Proprietor.
" Hie Millleim Btottrtral
H. A. BUMILLER, Editor.
VOL. 59.
J-RVIN HOUSE,
(Most Central Hotel In the city.)
CORNER OF MAIN AND JAY STREETS,
LOCK HAVEN, PA.
S.WOODS~CALDWELL
PROPRIETOR.
Good Sample Rooms for Commercial Travel
ers on first floor.
*
JpEABODY HOTEL,
9thSt. South of Chestnut,
PHILADELPHIA.
One Square South of the New Post
Office, one half Square from Walnut
St. Theatre and in the very business
centre of the city. On the American
aud European plans. Good rooms
fiom 50cts to $3.00 per day. Remodel
ed and newly furnished.
W PAINE, M. D.,
46 ly Owner & Proprietor.
p H.MUS3EB,
' JEWELER,
Watches, Clocks, Jewelry, &c.
All work neatly and promptly Exe
cuted.
Shop on Main Street,
Millheim, Pa.
PENNSYLVANIA
STATE COLLEGE.
FALL TERM BEGINS SEPTEMBER 10,1854
Examinations for admission, September 9.
This Institution is located in one of the most
beautiful and healthful spots of the entire Alle
gheny region. It is open to students of both
sexes, and offers the following courses of study:
1. A Full Scientific Course of Four Years.
2. A Latin Scientific Course.
3. The following SPECIAL COURSES, of two
years each following the first two years of
the Scientific Course (a) AGRICULTURE ;
(b) NATURAL HISTORY: (c) CHEMIS
TRY AND PHYSICS; (d) CIVIL ENGIN
EERING.
4. A short SPECIAL COURSE iu Agriculture.
5. A short SPECIAL COURSE in Chemistry.
6. A reorganized Course in Mechanlcle Arts,
combining shop-work with study.
7. A new Special Course (two years) in Litera
ture and Science, for Young Ladies.
8. A Carefully graded Preparatory Course.
9. SPECIAL COUSES are arranged to meet the
wants of individual students.
Military drill is required. Expenses for board
and Incidentals very low. Tuition free. Young
ladies under charge of a competent lady Princi
pal.
For Catalogues, or other informatlonaddress
GEO. W. ATHHRTON,LL. 1)., PRESIDENT
lyr STATE COLLEGE, CENTRE Co., Pa.
_
Mrs. Sarah A. Zeigler's
BAKERY,
on Penn street, south of race bridge,
Millheim, Pa.
Bread, Pies & Cakes
of superior quality can be bought at
any time and in any quantity.
ICE CREAM AND FAN
CY CAKES
or Weddings, Picnics and other social
gatherings promptly made to order.
Call at her place and get your sup
plies at exceedingly low prices. 34-3 m
MILLHEIM
Sewing Machine
OFFICE,
4
F. 0. IIOSTERM AS, Proprietor,
Main St., opposite Campbell's store.
*9" AGENCY FOH THE
4 4
World's Leader
-t t-
AND THE
"WHITE
SEWING MACHINES,
the most complete machines in market.
ggpEach machine ia guaranteed for
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Tte undersigned also constantly keeps on hand
all kinds of
Heedles. Oil, Attachments. k k
Second Hand Machines
sold at exceedingly low prices.
Repairing promptly attended to.
Give me a trial and be convinced of the truth
of these statements.
F- O-.HOS
MILLHEIM; PA., THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 20. 1885.
A STITCH IN TIME.
It started with the black and white
exhibition last year. I was going
through with my Uncle Mark, and we
stopped in front of a picture labeled
"The Chemist," and I asked uncle
what he thought of it. I had been
working down at the School of Mines
myself for the past month,but had said
nothing about it to Uncle Mark.
"I hate the sight of all of them."
cried the old gentleman, irascibly.
"Since my aunt eloped with a young
whipper-snapper of an apothecary's
clerk, thirty years ago,and brought dis
grace to our family, I feel ray lingers
itch to destroy all their drugs and vil
ainons compounds. I heard you talk
ing last summer about taking up some
thing of ttie kind, Mark,and if you had
you'd have been ten thousand dollars
poorer than you will be now. I'd not
have left yon a cent, sir—uot a penny,
sir. The Ilepworths have always been
gentlemen, and I should be sorry, sir,
to see oue of them become a syrup-mix
er."
"But, uncle, there is a great deal of
difference between a chemist and a
drug store clerk. Every great scientif
ic man must understand chemistry,and
even if "
"Don't you tell me, sir. I know 'era
all, sir. These chemists are all alike,
sir I"
"Well," I leplied, meekly giving in,
"why didn't you say something to me
about it at the time." Then, fearful
lest he might find me out, I added : "I
might have gone on and become a
chemist for all you said about it
then."
"I don't want to influence you,
Mark. You can go and do as you
please for anything I shall say. I have
no authority over you, and don't want
any. Only, I didn't intend to leave my
money to any apothecary, sir."
This was pleasant,to say the least ! I
flrmly resolved to leave the school of
mines instanter. I had taken it up on
the sly, intending to surprise my
friends by the discovery of a new met
al or some such exploit. I always
washed my hands in weak acid before
leaving the laboratory,and changed my
clothes aud had hitherto gone on un -
detected. So I felt I was safe if I stop
ped.
"By the way, Uncle," I said, "
think I shall go into business. Can
you recommend me to any one of your
business acquaintances ? I should like
to commence as soon as possible."
Uncle Mark looked very much pleas
ed.
"That's right, my boy ; that's right.
I'll see what I can do for you. Mean
while, 1 see pretty Miss McGregor over
there, and I would be cruel to keep you
away from her any longer,so, an revoir,
Mark. Come and dine with me this
evening," and the kind old gentleman
slipped off in a moment.
I instantly shot into the next room to
Miss McGregor's sids. She also was
standing there looking at "The Chem
ist."
"Well, Miss Flora," I said "what
do you think of it ?"
She turned quickly and stretched out
her hand.
"Good-morning, Hepworth," she
cried smiling.
"You were not at all startled ?" I
said, holding her hand—such a sweet
little hand, that it was a positive pain
to let go—"and yet you did not hear
me come up ?"
"No," said si e, letting her hand
still lie in mine ; "but it seemed so
natural to have you standing there,"
and then she suddenly blushed, and
drew her hand out of my vigorous
flrrasp. "That is," she added, "I mean
that—that I—"
"She was growing rosily red, so I
came to her rescue.
"You mean, Miss Flora," I said,with
a faint attempt at jocoseness, "that I
have inflicted myself on you so much
lately that you have come to look on
me as an inevitable, although tiresome
incubus. Well, I admit that I have
7 i
haunted your steps very much lately,
and if it annoys you,you must send me
packing. I don't wonder that you be
come awfully boied."
"I did not mean that, Mr. Hep
worth." she said, hastily.
"Miss Flora, my name is not Mr.
Hepworth," I interrupted.
She looked at me a little astonish
ed.
"Your name is not Mr. Hepworth ?'
"No. That is, not to you. My
name is Mark, Miss Flora, if you
please."
"But I don't please," she said, with
a pleasant little laugh. "That is—not
yet. Why, I have only known you for
a half-year ! But to change the sub
ject, are you going to Mrs. De Morris
Brown's next Tuesday night ?"
"I haven't been asked that I know
of," said I,sadly. "I don't know M rs.
1 Brown."
A PAPER FOR CIRCLE
"But your uncle c uld get you au in
vitation if you wish oue. I am go
ing."
"Miss Flora,l shall be there if I have
to ask Mrs. Brown myself for a card.
But I see your mother is looking anx
iously for you. Shall I take you to
her V Till Tuesday night, then, au
revoir."
"Good-bye," she said, and then, as
she saw her mother's back turned,
"Mark."
"I shall thank you for that Tuesday
night,' I said, laughing.
After the McGregors had driven off
1 started to go down to Uucle JWark's,
but concluded to take a farewell visit
to the laboratoiy. I had become quite
attached to the place, and felt quite a
pang at the idea of giving up my"man
goo-mixing." I decided to make one
more analysis, and then give it up for
ever.
That eveuing at dinner Uncle Mark
said :
"1 spoke to Mr. Share about you,
Mark. You know the firm, best bro
kerage business in the city ; Share,
Ticker & Co. I told him you would
see hiui at Mrs. De Morris Brown's on
Tuesday night, and you could speak for
yourself."
"Unluckily, Uncle, I haven't been
invited to Mrs. De Morris Brown's."
"You haven't ? Well, I'll get you
a card. Mrs. Brown will let me have
one."
Ou Tuesday I Gntshed my analysis,
but I had to work till pretty late. I
hurried to my room and commenced to
dress. I looked at my reflection in the
glass and started. I had forgotten to
wash my hands in acid before leaving
the laboratory and they were colored
like a rain bow. I was rather fright
ened, but I hadn't time to go back to
the laboratoiy, and as to staying away
from Mrs. De Morris Brown's when
Flora and Old Share were to be there—
impossible. I looked at ray hands.
The stains were pretty bad (my fore
finger looked like a well-used, unscrap
ed palette), but they did not extend a
bove mv wrist. My gloves would hide
them. I looked at the clock. I wvs
late already, so I hurried on the rest of
my things and started to pull on my
gloves. As I jerked them on I heard
a suspicious crack. I examined the
tear, but flittered myself it wouldn't
show, and hurried into the cab, and
was soou in the gentleman's cloak-room
at Mrs. Brown's.
I found Uncle Mark waiting for me.
"Ah, Marie," he growled."l thought
you were never coming. Fifteen min
utes late ! You'll neyer get on with
Mr. Share unless you're punctual.
Punctuality and neatness are his two
great hobbies, and if you run against
either you can make up your mind to
stay on his black-book forever. Come
down and I'll present you to Mrs.
Brown."
After the presentation, Uncle Mark
looked around the room.
"I don't see Share," he said, "but
there is Miss McGregor, and you can
talk to her until I find him."
I went over to Flora. She was talk
ing to Lieutenant Evans, a con founded
idiot who was always hanging about
her, and hadn't sense enough to see
that she disliked him.
"Well, Miss Flora, I obtained the
card, as you see. Good evening, lieu
tenant ; have you seen General Sher
man ?"
"No. Is he here to-night ? said E
vans, starting up.
"I think I saw him in the ballroom,"
said 1, and when Evans went in that
direction I said : 14 Now Miss Flora,
let us gain the conservatory before he
comes back," and I hurried her toward
the door through which the dark green
palms beckoned so enticingly. I went
too fast, however, for I struck my foot
against a vine or something and I went
down on the walk. I put out ray hand
to break my fall, and did, somewhat,
but that confounded rip in my gloye
extended now down the right side of
my right hand to my thumb.
Flora stood there laughing vigorous -
iy
"l can't help it," she apologized.
"Just when you were gloating over
your wicked decsption of Lieutenant
Evans,to have retribution oyertake you
so well. It is so ridiculous that I have
to laugh."
I arose, a little sulky, and rather
flurried by the accident to my gloye,
but I didn't succeed very well v That
was Flora's great fault: iailgtod
altogether too easily. However, I
changed the subject and we walked a
long, talking about the black and white
exhibition and the yavious pictures,
meiitorious and otherwise. I kept my
right hand with the injured glove, in
my pocket.
"Miss McGregor—Flora," I said
suddenly, "I promised to thank you for
calling me' Mark.' When you called
me 'Marß' it was all I could do to keep
from throwing myself at your feet aud
telling you how much I loved you.
'Dear Flora,' ' and I took her soft lit-
tie hand in my two big ones, "you
know I love you heartily, with all my
seul, since I llrst saw you. Whenever
I have looked into your sweet, gl owing
eyes, I have tried to And some sign that
you lnyod me, that my love could call
forth a little in return. My darling
little love,let me see them now and per
haps—"
She had cast her eyes down demurely
when I began, and her face was
wreathed in blushes, but now i.slie in
terrupted me with a hearty peal o!
liughter, and her eyes were riveted on
her hand so secure in mine. I follow
ed her glance. Oh horrors ! That
confounded glove ! The empty kid
forefinger dangled down, and my dis
colored rainbow-hued finger protruded
prominently with the spotless glove as
its background. I stood there glaring
with rage, when the voice of Lieuten
ant Evans broke in on us.
"I've fouod you at last,' Miss Flora.
This is our waltz. What is the joke ?
Cawu't you let me eojoy ' it, too. Mr.
Hepworth is au awful wag, I know."
llow I got away I don't know, but
as I was trying to elbow my way to
the cloak-room, an elderly gentleman
planted himself in front of me and
said :
"This is Mr. Ilepworth, isn't it V
Your uncle recommended you to me
aud asked me to speak to you about a
place in our office. lam Mr. Bernard
Share," and be held out bis hand to me
gravely.
Reluctantly I drew that hideous
hand from behind me and shook hands
with him. This was the man who In
sisted on neatness ! He started at the
sight of the spotted finger.of course,and
I tried to explain the matter nonchal
antly by saying :
"Don't think I have small-pox, or
have been putting my finger in a paint'
pot. The fact is, I left the laboratory
late this afternoon, too late to remove
some chemicals which I spilled on my
hand, and a split in my glove has dis
closed what I flattered myself I could
keep hidden."
"Yes, you young scoundrel, you haye
been hiding it a long while," said a
voice behind me. Uncle Mark, of
course ;he had come up to introduce
me, and had overheard me. "Share, I
withdraw my recommendation of this
young man, as I am now convinced
that he is a liar, and a sneak then
turning to me he said : "And I wish
you to understand, sir, that I am no
relative of your's after tnis. I have no
uephew. You hear me, Share, I don't
know the young man."
"I had already decided that he
would not do for me," replied Mr.
Share.
I got away from that miserable place
as soon as I could, and I have decid
ed not to leave the laboratory, in fact,
chemistry is the only thiog left for me
now since 1 lost a legacy, a place in
business, and the girl I loved, and all
by a lipped glove ! Washington Hatch•
it.
Anecdote of benator Sumner.
Senator Snmner took quUe an inter
est in me, and had an especial fondness
of catching me by the ears. Often
have I attempted to pass the senator,
while he was walking to and fro on the
floor of the senate, only to have both
my ears seized good naturedly, and to
be asked some kindly question. I shall
always remember one of these adven
tures—for it was an adventure ! He
had sent me on an errand. Haying re
turned,reported to him the answer,and
received his deep-voiced thanks, I star
ed to move away, but lie had caught
me, and continued his slow march, I
in front, Indian file. As he was a tall
£x.an and I a very small boy in compar
ison, I had to walk on tip-toe to ease
the pain, and even then it seemed as if
my ear would come off my head. The
worst of it was that he at once became
so lost in thought that he forgot he had
hold of me and mechanically paced up
and down, with his long strides,while I
danced a wild war dance, for a few
minutes —it seemed to me hours—to the
intense amusament of all who observed
it. The more I struggled the more did
I increase the agonv, but I at last man
aged to wriggle away from his grasp.
The sudden emptiness of his hands
caused him to realize the state of af
fairs, and he begged my pardon so en
ergetically,and the spectators smiled so
audibly, that the proceedings of the
seuate were interrupted and Mr. Col
fax actually had to tap with his gavel
to restore order. But it was, after all,
an honor to be noticed, even in that
fashion, by so distinguished a man as
Senator Summer. He had the widest
reputation of all the senators, and the
first question most visitors to the sen
ate would ask was: "Which is Charles
Sumner ?"
There are twenty millions of people
in Austro-Hungary who never read a
newspaper.
Terms, SI.OO per Year, in Advance.
RUNNING THE BLOCKADE.
Vessels Built Specially to Defy
Federal Pursuit.
Somo Exciting and Valuable Cap
tures by the Union Blockading
Fleets.
The vessels built for blockade run
ning were built for the purpose. They
were long, narrow, low side-wheel
steamers, with sharp bows that cut the
water like a knife, powerful engines,
raking funnels, and two masts, rigged
as schooners. The hull rose only a few
feet above the water. They weie paint
ed a dull gray, so that even in the day
time it would be difficult to see them
far away. The forward part of the
deck was covered over, so that they
could run through heavy seas. Before
the war there was little commerce be
tween England and the Bermuda Is
lands, but now the harbors were alive
with ships—greet sea-going steamers
from England loaded with arms, can
non powder, goods of all kinds—return
ing to England freighted with cotton.
The blocade runners brought the cotton
from Wilmington and Charleston, de
livered it to the large steamers, took on
boacJ the goods, arms and amunition,
and steamed back to, those ports, a'-
ways planning to run past the blockade
vessels in the night. When coming in
all lights were put out, tiie steam was
blown off under water. A man up in
the "crow's nest" on the forward mast
kept a sharp lookout for the Union ves
sels. The pilote knew every channel
and sand bar. The vessels were all
light draft. The blockade runner was
only a runner, not a fightei. If he came
too close to a war ship he took to his
heels. The runneis were so swift, the
war ships so slow, that they were rare
ly captured when the chase was a stern
one*
It was a hard, exciting service which
the blockading fleets endured. During
the day the vessels cruised along the
shores, looking into all the inlets, or
sailing eastward to discover any ap
proaching blockade runner, but at sun
set they came 'close in-shore ; almost
under the guns ot Fort Sumner at
Charleston,or Fort Fisher at Wilming
ton. All lights were put out, except
the one lantern at the masthead of the
Commodore's vessel. Men were up in
the rigging straining their eyes through
the night to catch sight of the swift
runners.
On an October night, 1863, the Ven
us from Nassau approached Wilming
ton. The lookout up at the masthead
of the steamer Nasemond discovered
her. Lieut. Lamson, commanding the
Nasemond, when he had a duty to per
form was always ready. The fires were
blazing under his boilers—the steam
was up. In an instant theNansemond
was awaj.
"Give her a shot!" he shouted. The
long rifle guns flashed.. The shot shat
tered the foremast of the Venus ; a
nother shot goes through her cabin; the
third crashes through the forecastle,
killing a sailor ; the fourth strikes the
hull below the water line. Botsvessels
are fast, going fourteen knots an hour.
The captain of the Venus sees that he
cannot make the harbor and runs for
the shore. She strikes hard and fast;
the crew leap intojthe water and reach
the sandy beach. The Nasemond low
ers her boats and takes possession of
the vessel. The Venus cannot be mov
ed; she is set on fire and the Nasemond,
at daylight, steams away.
"There she is I' 7 The lookout of the
Niphon shouted it at daybreak a few
mornings later. Captain Breck, com
manding the Niphon, saw a side-wheel
steamer close in shore making for Wil
mington Harbor. Another blockader
was in pursuit. The Niphon was in
position to intercept the runner—the
Ella and Anna. The captain of the
runner sees that he is cut off" and he de
termines to run the Niphou down.
Captain Breck sees the situation.
"Ready, boarders !" he shouts, and the
sailors, who have been thoroughly drill
ed, seize their pistols and swords. The
cannon of the Niphon send a shower of
canister. The next moment there is a
crash, aud the bowsprit of the Niphon
breaks like a pipestem. Over the rail
swarm the boarders, and the next mo
ment the Ella and Anna is theirs, with
300 cases of rifles and a* cargo worth
SIIB,OOO. The vessel is renamed the
Malvern, aud becomes ooe of the block
ading fleet.
A great many blockade runners were
captured and destroyed, but the profits
were so enormous that others were
built. The officers and crews were will
ing to run the risk of being captured
for the high wages they received. A
captain received $5,000 for each success
ful'trip, each one of the crew $250, the
chief engineer $2,500 and the pilot SB,-
700.
A little boy had his long curls cut off
the other day, and was annoyingly re
minded of the fact by the remarks of all
hisifriends. Going with his family in
to the country, soon after hisarriyal he
came running into the house in great
sorrow, crying, Mamma, mamma, even
the hens laugh at me. They all say
•cut-cut-cut, got your hairjcut.''.
NO. 8.
'NEWSPAPER LAWS
If subscribers order the discontinuation of
newspapers, the pnollshers may continue to
send rh 'in until all arrearages are paid.
Jf su 'Ti lbers refuse or neglect to take their
newsp ipers from the office to which they are vent
theyar • held responsible until they havesettled
the bills and ordered them discontinued.
If subscribers move to other places without in
forming the publisher, and the newspupers are
sent (o the former place, they arc restsuibibie.
ADVERTISING KATES. ~
1 wk. 1 mo. 13 mos. G mos. 1 yea
1 square * 2 <k $ 4 001 sft oo $6 00 t8 (0
X " 700 10 00 15 00 aooo 4000
1 * 10 00 15 00 1 2500 45 00 75 00
One Inch makes a square. Administrators '
and Executors' Notices $2.50. Transient ndver
tisements and locals 10 cents iter line far first
insertion and 5 cents per line for each addition*
ai;i user t ion <
Brain Power.
Abundant Opportunity for Its Ex
ercise on the farm.
About the best use a farmer can
make.of himself is, to devote the pres
ent long winter eye Miners to an increase
of his mental activity. Farms differ In
their productiveness, mainly according
to the amount of intelligence that is
brought to their cultivation. BrAin
power may be increased by a thorough
knowledge of the present condition df
the farm, and its worth as a machine
for making money. What crops have
paid, and what have been raised and
sold at a loss ? What per cent has it
paid on the capital invested ? In tbe
case of the gain, what secured it V Was
it the manure applied; or the frequent
tillage, or the extra amount of rainfall ?
In case of loss, was it the want of fer
tilizers, was the crop choked by weeds,
or was the seed poor,and the crop dam
aged by late planting ? This account
ing for failures is as profitablefas brag
ging oyer big crops, without making
any record of the process of obtaining
them. Brain-power may be increased
by; planning improvements. There
may be several acres of peat-swamp or
bog medow, producing only brush and
bog hay, hardly worth cutting. There
is a good outlet, and it can be drained
three feet or more deep. Cipher out
the cost of draining, and of making it
produce three tons of clover or timothy
to the acre. Would not the sight of
the wavering heads of the grass be more
pleasing than the cat-tails, flags and
skunk cabbages, that now waste their
sweetness upon the desert air ? There
may be an ace of swale, underlaid with
hard-pan, oyer which ferns, weeds and
aquatic grasses run riot during the
whole summer. Is it not time the bot
tom was knocked out of it, by tilsS laid
three or four feet in the ground, and
tbe superfluous water compelled to go
out through those instead of creeping
lazily oyer the surface ? It cau be
made the best grass land on the farm.
Why not make it so, and handle the
dollars that come from maximum
crops ? Brain-power can be increased
by reading and digesting the instruc
tive contents of agricultural papers.
They are full of facts, showing just
how to do it, and the process Is made
so luminous with illustration, "that the
wayfaring man, though a fool, cannot
err thereiu."
Fun and Facta.
Words spoken in anger are sure to
bring regret.
It is more noble to make yourself
great than to be born so.
'What is laughter V asks a philoso
pher. It is the sound you hear when
your hat blows off.
Eva, noticing a flock of noisy, chat
tering blackbirds, said, 'Mamma, I
guess they're having a sewing 'ciety.'
The sunbeam is composed of millions
rays: so home-light must be
constituted of little tendernesses, kind
ly looks, sweet laughter, loving words.
Grace seeing her aunt write a mess
age on a postal-card, called for an en
velope, saying, 'l'm going to write a
letter,too,Aunt Jane; but I don't want
itjto go bareheaded like yours. 1
The aim of education should be to
teach us rather how to think than what
to think ; rather to improve our minds
so as to make us thiuk for ourselves,
than to load the momory with the
thoughts of other men.
An eccentric man, living on a farm
on the edge of Rhode Island, wai yery
averse to taking life. When asked why
he didn't slaughter his fat pig, he repli
ed, 'I havu't the heart to kill it, for it
seems so much like one of the family.'
'Professor j said a student in pursuit
of knowledge concerning the habits of
animals, 'why does a cat while eating
turn its head flrst one way and then a
nother V 'For the reason,' replied the
Professor, 'that she canuot turu it both
ways at once.'
An Irish judge had the habit of beg
ging pardon on every occasion. One
day as he was about to leave the bench,
the officer of the court reminded him
that he had not passed sentence of
death on a prisoner as he had intended.
'Dear me I' said his lordship, 'I beg his
pardon—bring him up.'
— ■ .—— ■ ■ " -
A DEFINITION OF ARISTOCRACY.
'I like the Americans immensely,'said
an Englishman who had ueen hospit
ably entertained in America. 'lJlike
theui immensely,but I miss something.*
'What is that ?' asks his Yankee host.
'I miss the aristocracy,' replied the En
glishman. 'What are they ?' 'The
aristocracy !' said the nobleman sur
prised. 'Why, they are people who do
nothing, you know; whose fathers did
nothing, you know; whose grandfathers
did nothing,you know—in fact the aris
tocracy.' 'Oh,' said the American,
smiling, 'we've plenty of them oyer
here; but we don't call them aristocrat
cy—we call them tramps.'