The Alarm.
•
"Burglars I" cried Mr. Jones.
"Burglars I" screamtd Mrs. Jones.
"Burglars! "screamed the Misses Jones.
"Burglars I" screamed Master Jones,as
one after the other lights Hashed in the
upper rooms, and hastily draped forms
appeared at the bed room doors like the
signal figures of a barometer.
Jones and son followed each other
down stairs, one with a poker and the
other with a croquet mallet, and the
street door was found open, and a silk
umbrella and two hats had vanished
from the rack. Jones senior belieyed
that he saw two heels vanishing around
the coruer and yelled "police,;' but on
ly the echoes answered him ; and, after
a careful search of the house and la
mentations over the hats and umbrella,
the Jones family returned to their pil
lows, though each one declared next
morning that he or she had not closed
an eye.
"And the worst of it is," said Mrs.
Jones, "they'll be here again. When
burglars determine to enter a house
they always do it."
"I know a fellow'.who has a splendid
dog that he'll sell," said Master Jones.
"The fiercest fellow ; bite a piece out of
you as soon as lie looks at you. I'll get
him if*vou like, and we can turn him
into the hall at nights."
"Thank you," said Mrs. Jones. "I'd
as soon have my throat burglars
asjto be torn to pieces by a savage dog."
"But he'd know us all in a few
days," said young Jones. "Pa, don't
you think It's the best plan V—the big
gest fellow'; you ought to hear him
howl."
"A dog is impossible in a city house
with four feet of garden grouud," said
Mr. Jones, "but I'll buy an alarm and
a pistol and keep it loaded under my
pillow."
"Then I shall sleep elsewhere," said
Mr. Jones. "No, I'll sit up all night,
every night, until I die, before that
■hall be done.
"All women are idiots," said Mr.
Jones.
"Alljmen are crazy," said Mrs.Jones.
"But you shall have your way and
shoot your family if you like. That al
ways comes of having firearms about."
"Let them come in and murder us,
then," said Mr. Jones. "I suppese you
object to the alarm, too."
But finally the alarm was decided up
on and purchased and attached to all
the doors and windows on the lower
floor; and two days after this was done
Mr. Jones being obliged to leave home
on business, congratulated himself up
on his promptitude of action.
"With this alarm you are quite safe,
my dear," he said as he took his de
parture. "The minute you hear it, op
en the windows and scream for the po
liceman."
Mr. Jones then stepped into the car
riage, - which whirled him to a train
Which conveyed him to a distant city.
There he became very much occupied
with certain important affairs, and
when he had been absent a month for
got all about, the burglars as well as all
about the alarm.
The letters from home did not men
tion it, and so it passed entirely from
his memory ; and, as at last he found
himself on his homeward way upon a
night train which he had taken quite
unexpectedly—for he had written the
day before that he should not be back
for a week—it occurred to him that his
arrival wou'd be a delightful surprise
for the family. He had his latchkey
with him, and he quite chuckled over
the thought of letting himself in and
being found snug in bed next morning.
"Won't there be a time I" he said to
himself. "Ma'll scream. The girls—l
can hear 'em laugh. And Sam, will
pretend not to be astonished— ha,ha,
ha I"
So,with his portmanteau in his hand,
Mr. Jones, haying reached his home,
ascended the steps of his domicile and
deliberately but softly proceeded to op
en his front door.
As he did so the alarm was sprung, a
racket and jingle filled the house, and
Simultaneously Mrs. Jones, the Misses
Jones, Master Jones, the cook, the
chambermaid and the waiter thrust
their heads out of the windows and
screamed "Police!"
Almost as they did so two clubs
struck the pavement and two giants in
uniform seized Mr. Jones by the arms.
"Ah, got you this time," cried one of
them. "We've been looking for you
for some time, too."
"Let me go," said Mi. Jones. "I live
here. It's'a mistake."
"Yes, I've no doubt of it it's a mis
take," said the policeman.
"But tell tbem—tell them ; let me of
fer proof," pleaded Mr. Jones. "They
all know me; tell them it's Mr. Jones."
"He says it's Mr. Jones," cried the
policeman to a nightcap and shawl at
the window.
"My husband is in Chicago," said
Mrs. Jones.
But she peeped out nervously. How
ever,she did not recognize her husband.
Mr. Jones had left home in a tall hat
and overcoat; but during his absence
he had unfortunately purchased a trav
elling ulster that touched his heels, and
a cap. He wore both, as was natural
upon a midnight journey.
"No,I never saw that object before,"
said Mrs. Jones. "Do take him away."'
"You'll appear to-morrow?" said the
policeman. "You'll appear against him,
ma'am ?"'
"Decidedly. I shall consider it my
duty," said the lady and shut the wiu
dow.
Then Jones remonstrated with the
policemen, and begged to have Mr.
Smith next door called, and was told to
hold his tongue. Jones was not a mild
man. In a few minutes his wrath boil-
Ed over,iie attacked the policeman with
his umbrella bravely and was totally
defeated. lie arrived at the station
house with a black eye and a bruise on
his forehead,and frothing at the mouth
with rage; and was locked up after hav
ing been recognized by several experts
as "Tommy the Tapper," a noted bur
glar, for whose arrest a largo reward
was offered. Ilis valise was taken from
him, also his watch and poeketbook.
lie was shut up in a cell with an intox
icated tramp who had arrived at the
stage of delerium tremens o" which
snakes are the favorite delusion, and
who took Mr. Jones for one or several
of'them, and insisted on treading on
his head.
In argument and single combat with
this gentleman Mr. Jones passed the
hours until morning, when lie was tak
en from his highly-perfumed sequestra
tion and dragged through the black
streets to a court of justice, where he
attempted to explain matters once
more, and was still explaining them
without producing^he slightest effect
upon any one when his wife end son ar
rived.
Even then the ulster, the cap and the
black eye deceived poor Mrs. Jones for
a few moments, and but for Sam th*re
is no knowing what might have become
of the unhappy gentleman. However,
Sam came to his rescue and the three
went home together in a cult,Mrs.Jones
moaning and wringing her hands all
the way, and Mv. Jones threatening to
sue for a divorce.
lie forgave his wife at last, however,
but he never forgave the alarm, which
he demolished forthwith.
ADVICE TO MOTHEUK.
Are you disturbed at night and broken of
your rest by a sick child suffering and crying
with pain of cutting teeth ? If so, send at once
and get a bottle of MRS. WINSI.OW'S SOOTHING
ST REP FOH CHILDREN TKKTUINO. Its value is
incalculable, it will relieve the por little suf
ferer immediately. Depend upon it, mothers,
there is no mistake about it. It cures dysentery
and diarrhoea, regulates the stomach and
bowels, cures wind colic, softens the gums, ro
duces inflammation, and gives tone and energy
to the whole system. MRS. WINSLOW'S SOOTH
ING SYRUP FOR CHILDREN TEETHING is pleasant
ao the taste, and is the prescription of one of
the oldest and best female nurses and physici
tns in the United States, and is for sale by all
druggists throughout the world. Trice 25
cents a bottle.
A Dutiful Son.
'Son,' said a very economical old man
to his fifteen year old boy,'you have ar
rived at that age in which jrou will find
snares set onfall sides of you |to entrap
you into sin.'
'I must believe you, father.'
'Now, in order that you may be sure
to avoid such snares and cotne out of
half a dozen years of danger victorious
and happy,l will offer you, besides love
and affection, extra inducements. If
you will be a good and obedient son, a
voiding all bad company until
you arrive at the age
of twenty-one. I will tlieu present
you with a nice Waterbury watch and
chain."
"Father," said the grateful boy, "I
will try."
And then he got up and took his hat
and went down to a saloon and borrow
ed a quarter to play pool with.
'Mamma, why is papa bald ?' 'I am
his fourth wife, darling.'
'Nervous girl' wants to know how to
cure a tickling sensation about the face.
Get him to shaye off his moustache !
'Curious, isn't it ?" remarked Mrs.
Bascom. 'Here I've been reading these
'Notes on Husbandry' regularly ever
since we subscribed to the 'Tiibune,'
and they haven't said one word, so far
as I could see, about husbands, or mat
rimony either.'
The 'thought reader'placed his hands
on the man's head, withdrew it, and
struck him a fearful blow on the nose.
When the man got out from under the
chair and asked the reader what he hud
hit him for, he replied : 'Just as I
placed my hand on your head you
thought I was a d—d fool, and I don't
allow any man to think that, no matter
if he's as big as a Coney Island hotel.'
JHE JEST
PICTURESt
AT
JJUCK gROS'
&mT a&LLEftrf
FAMILY GROOPES AND CHILDREN
—TAKX BY THE
INSTANTANEOUS P ROCESS !
Satisfactory Work Don e by
RAIN OR SHINE!
We furnish everything in our line,
trom a M iniature Card to
a Cabinet Picture.
Pictures copied and en
larged in the best style.
-CFRAMES^-
can be procured at our place on short notice
our prices are
down so as to suit every purse.
Gallery on North St., Millheim, Pa
.!
lAf | A|more money than at anything else '
lllf I |W by taking an agency for the best
WW ■■■selling book out. beginnerssucceed I
grandly. None fail. |Tenns free, i
HALUCTT BOOK CO., Portland, Maine .3 1
BELLEFONTE
Mason & Hamlin Smith American
Eurdctte. and other
Organs. jH| irgans.
C^
XX jJSI ~JL MJP 3MK ~A>. TXT
CHICKERING. STEIN WAY, KNABE, HAINES, ARION
PIANOS.
Smm MACHINES.
Watches, - - - Jewelry, - - - Silverware,
FINE STEEL ENGRAVINGS, OIL IAIXIIXGS, CHROMOB,
PICTURE FRAMES, PHOTO FRAMES,
Headprters for Wedding Presents. Holiday Presents. Toys. Dolls. Wagons. Mis. Carriages, aud oilier pods in tiiis line.
BTJIsrisrELL &D A-IKEnSTS, I
HH3O
In.
|| V
h
Jj Consumptio'
ra Croup, As;
| laflueaia,,
a JH ami all disease
gg used its cfllcac'
fiHDOWNS' EL!Xlß.aanj
I N. H. DOWNS' I
|j Vegetable Balsamic
ELIXIR
For the euro of
fl Consumption, Coughs, Colds, Catarrh, F
la Croup, Asthma, Pleurisy, Hoarseness, |f
;B Znfiuenia, Spitting Blood, Bronchitis, gj
■ auJ all diseases of tho Throat, Chest, oud H
Lungs, In all cases where this Elixir is
usa*! 'ts efficacy 1? at onco manifested, con
■Bß vincing tho most Incredulous that Q
CONSUMPTION
t.a is not incurable, if properly attended to.— ££
m At its commencement it is but a slight lrritn- 69
09 tion of tho membrane which covers tho Lungs;
SEE then an inflamation, when tho cough is rather
JSP dry, local fever,and the pulso more frequent,tho
o cheeks flushed and chills more common. This , "* 1
Elixir In curing tho above complaints, oper
raSatcssonslo removo all morbid irrlta-££3
lions and inllamatloii from the lungs B®]
;'jjS to tho surface, and Anally expel them from p?J
'-SS tho system. It facilitates expectoration.
: , It heals the ulcerated surfaces H
Hand relieves the cough and makes tho breath-1"
Fjj ing easy. It supports the strength and at
.23 same time reduces tho fever. 11 in free from B
B strongopiatc and astringent articles, which are B
3 of so drying a nature as to beiugrentdangerof B
KB destroying the patient; whereas this medicine B
l-M " cvor dries or stops tho cough, but, by remov Km
|j|l ing the CAI'SK, consequently, when the cough KB
;K is cured tho patient is well. Send address for B
ta pamphlet giving full directions, free.
' I I'lice 33 cts., 50 cts., and SI.OO per bottle. '
: ' ' SOLD EVERYWHERE. ■'*■
|B HENRY, JOnNSOS & LORD, Props., Burlington. Vt. 1
■HI DOWNS' EUXIR.HMHI
For Sale af. SPIQELMYEIV,S
Millheim d- Madisonburg, Pa:
SANITARIUM. Itiversldo, Cul. Tho dry cilmnto cures.
Nose Throat, Lungs, full idea, 36 p., route, cost, free.
MARRIAGPISPj
A ll that tbedoiibtfu! curiousor thoughtful want to
Sknow, Cloth and gilt biadiaso cts, paper 25c, JVtiir-e
> riage Guide, 114 p 15c, sent sot led. money or stps,bj
03. WHITHER PITStB^ E UI&HY PA. \
STho grent specialist, Nervous Debility,lmpediments?
aS.ErAHDARO? JX
JONES WAGON SCALES,
W 1 liou Lever., Steel Bearlii K H. H....
OF *
are Beam ami Beam Box
SINGHAMTON 1800 and
JONBti he pays the freight—for Ires
Price List mention this paper and
J sUdroMjONES OF BINOHAMTON.
Binjrhwmton, N.Ya
itcs so as do
gjß lions and
§BS to tlio surfac
fe? sj-gtom,
s It heal:
JFM and relieves
Ming cosy. It
ma amo time r
: H -tronpopintc
M of so drying .1
BB destroying tl.
jrj never dries o
H ing the CAVSI
;H is cured tlio j
9 pamphlet pi"
H l'rico 3o ct
S(
I ■ HE SRI, JOIN
Ml
V ' 1 4
SPECIAL BARGAINS
i
I
FOR THE
; f
SIPIRJILTGi- TRADE
" . i • } }
AT
|
r
(LIMITE D,)
MILTON, I® A.,
Nos. 110, 112 & IJ4, Front Street,
[ WHOLESALE AND RETAIL DEALERS IN }
Musical Instruments, Furniture, Carpets
China, Silverware, and House Furnishing
Goods Generally.
— ——• m ♦— ———
DELIVERED FREE OF CHARGE.
NO SURPRISE!
THE GOVERNMENT ENDORSES
The Ameican Agriculturist.
FROM TIIK TF.NTII CF.NSUB.VOt. 8. J VBT PI'BUBIIKD
"The American Agriculturist Is especially
worthy of mention, because of tlio remarkable
success that has at tended the univue and untir
ing efforts of It* proprietors to Increase and ex
tend its circulation. Its content sate duplicated
every month for a German edition, which also
circulate widely."
This Tribute Is a picturing incident in the
marvellous nearly
HALF A CENTURY
Career of this rccoxni/ud leading Agricultural
Journal of the world.
What it is To-Day.
Six months ago the American Agriculturist
entered noon a new curccr of Froaperlty
au l to day It is far superior to any aimiiar per
iodical ever produced in this or any other coun
try. I.'l'her in editorial strength; richer In en
uritviiigs; piloted on liner paper, and present
ing in every Issue 100 columns of original read
ing matter from the ablest writers, and nearly
toi |llutraltons. Dr. George Thtirber,for near
ly <|iinrter of a eentory the edltor-til-ehlef of the
American Ayrivulturist, Joseph Harris, liyron
I). Ilalsted. CoI.M. C. Weld, and Andrew S.
I'idler,Hie other longtime hilib rs.together with
the other writers wh • have made the American
'qriculturUl what it Is to day, sre Mtili at
l heir post.
WHAT, FREE T ? ?
kvery subscriber, whose subcrlptlon Is imme
iiiat. lv forwarded us with the price, ll.da In till
—will receive Hi • American Agriculturist for
Dee. ISH. til ill of isc>, an | will ls presented
with tin' American Agriculturist I'nml
ly Cyclopirtlla. (Just out). 7<D I'ages and
over 1,000 r.iigraviugs. strongly bound in cloth,
bi tcls and gold.
Tills euDrely new volume is a remarkable
sl'tjliousc and book of reference for every de
partmeirt >f hum.in knowledge, inditing an
Ai.nni.ioral Supplement by nr. Ttiurber.
Sen l thr. e Icent stamps'for malting you sjtec
linen cony American A'/rlcuUurht. an elamnt
arty paqe J'remlum List.with ii<'o Illustrations,
anil siK-ciinen puqes of oar Family Cyclopivdla.
Canvassers wanted Everywhere,
Address
PoMm Aineriean Agricultnrist,
David W. Juun.l'res't. liiKMtAM.Hec
751 Itroadmty, Sfew York,
D I. BROWN,
DEALER IN
STOVES,
HEATERS,
RANGES,
TINWARE &c„
Practical worker in Tin,
Sheet Iron, Copper,
&c.
- • -
ChsT" Repairing dotic at short notice
by practical workmen.
■ ♦--*§ ♦ ♦ ■■
Spoutin % aSpecialty
Shop on Main Si.opposite Kauffman
MILLHEIM.PA.
L| FORJMAN_AND_BEWT.
ZTHE BEST
EXTERNAL
REMEDY
| FOR
BIEDHIf 191,
3P NFIIRALGIA,
= CRAMPS,
1 Sprains, Emises,
Burns and Scalds,
IkssJ Seiitleijßiekiel*,
I web Frosted Feet and
I ttMmri} Ears, and all other
I MmF Pains and Aches,
It is a safe, sure, and
I effectual Remedy for
I Galls, Strains, Scratches,
9 Sores, &c., on
| HORSES.
| One trial will prove its
S merits. Its effects are in
1 most cases
I 1 INSTANTANEOUS.
a e 9 Every bottle warranted to
I give satisfaction. Send ad
'J HHI dress for pamphlet, free, gir-
I I iiiß full directions for the
si treatment of above diseases.
M bHBHB Prico 25 cts. and 50 cts. per
■ bottle. Sold everywhere.
■ Hcary, Johmon * Lord, ProprieUw,
9 Burlington, Tt.
For Sale (USPIGELMYER'S.
Millheim & Mculisonburg, Pa.
COLLEGE, NEWARK, NEW JERSEY.
Occupies three Buildiners. Largest and B. St. More
positions tor uraduates than all other school's com
bined. I.ife Scholarship. *4O. Write for circular#.
COLEMAN, I'ALMS &. (JO., Proprietors.
STAFFORD'S I
nm BLACKING!
Gives a MORE BRILLIANT SHINES
THAN ANY OTHER.
IN BOXES WHICH PREVENT
SOILING THE HANDS. I
SOLD BY ALL DEALERS. E
S. S. STAFFORD,!
New York, f
mil
There li no excuse for suffering from
CONSTIPATION
and other diseases that follow a dis
ored state of the Stomach and Bow
els, when the use of
OR. HENRY BAXTERS
HEME EIHIS
Will give immediate relief.
After constipation follows
Biliousness, Dyspepsia,
Indigestion, Diseases of
the Kidneys, Torpid Liver
Rheumatism, Dizziness,
Sick Headache, Loss of
Appetite, Jaundice, Ap
oplexy, Palpitations,
Eruptions and Skin Dis
eases, etc., *H °f which these
Bitten will speedily euro by removing the earns.
Keep the StonMck, Bowels, and Digestive Organs
in good toorlutj order, and perfect health
H will be the result L&diOS sud others sub*
Hjoct to Sick Headache ui find relief
Hand permanent cure by the use of these Bitter*
■ doing tonic sod mildly purgative they
1 PURIFY THE BLOOD.
Ml Price 25 cts. per bottle.
I Tor sale by all dealers iu medicine. Send
n address for pamphlet, freo, faring full directions.
m REIRY, JOHiSOI k LOU),Props., BarliogUa, TL
Fur sale at SI'IGF LMYEH'S t
Millheim & Madisonburg, Pa
SCHOOL SUPPLIES!
(A full line at the v
JOURNAL STORE. 1
Parents are invited to call at our t
place on Peon Street. '
HEALTH IS WEALTH!
br. a. c. nwsrn *wt sxc aiui* itumrr. •
ruri,ir®.| np-rlOc lr H itrU,U ti.cui Cuu.aliUßS, Fits,
Nervous Kr<nl|l. KMt.Hu, S,rr>M. Fn-t .:(■ a rm-d
byUie us. at alroliol or V-'-tcea, W.Vrfulu.-.. K--nl*l I) -
pr. .K,tiS<iflrßln„ of tt. Sialn rvaulUos tj In and
leading i4> mtarrv, d<r, and death; Fr-mUme 0 1 St.,
ttirmineu, Loss of P.,er lu sttkiriii. li<*u|uuUiy L<*aa
Mid rip.!TO.t"rrli<* MuM-d t oNru,li. t-f U. brain,
•elf-at.u.,- orererdodulrsi-ra. Faeh b>,irn||.iMoM rarrolli't
treatment kI u box. cr sis bus.* for St, *• b( br tciilpt*.
Mid our i cl|A of fricJ.
WE CUARANTEE SiX BOXE3
Toenr. auyrae*. WtH rh order rae-le -J by „ f.% r i'z
hnxtt mrrn mi-onied ilh Si, watt 111 set: ili.a r rer
written guarantee to refund t?>o Oles.-y If the treuureui duct
n tiS rt a eti-e. Oii.r. iu, . !.u. i only t/
KISM U M ■KXDKLXbX, SM S r FVe,-t. r*r !enMa, Fa.
" PURXTAS."
Tlx celebrated vreubic ill jud I'uriS, r. It !mradU*e'y
rural Headnebe, CoeallpaUoa, Po. die* lb# SU u Mali. 4 I
an v where U|x> rec#l| toffS rent# Pnnrnawd fur
cuidreo. EISNER in MENDELSON,
320 Race Street, Phllr.-lelphlo, Pa.
GO TO
SIMON BROTHERS,
TIIE BOSS ( I.OTIIIEHS
for your OlotbDr..
45 MAIN STREET,
LOCK HAVEN.
A. SIMON & SONS,
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL
GEOOEES
keep the largest stock In the county
143 MAIN STREET,
LOCK HAVEN.
DR. JOHN BULL'S
Smitli'sTonicSyroß
FOR THE CURE OF
FEVER and AGUE
Or CHILLS and FEVER,
AND ALL MALARIAL DISEASES. - '
The proprietor of this celebrated medfr
cine justly claims for it a superiority over
all remedies ever offered to the public for
the SAFE, CERTAIN, SPEEDY and PER
MANENT cure of Ague and Fever, or Chills
and Fever, whether of short or long stand
ing. He refers to the entire Western and
Southern country to bear him testimony ta
the truth of the assertion that ia no
whatever will it fail to cure if tht dime*
tions are strictly followed and carried out.
In a great many cases a single dose has
been sufficient for a cure, and whale frtwiV
lies have been cured by a single bottle, with
a perfect restoration of the general health.
It is, however, prudent, and in every oaaa
mora oertain to cure, if its use is continued
in smaller doses for a week or two after the
disease has been checked, more especially
in difficult and long-standing cases. Hsu*
ally this medicine will not require any aid
to keep the bowels in good order. Should
the patient, however, require a cathartic
medicine, after having taken three or four
doses of the Tonio, a single dose of BULL'S
VEGETABLE FAMILY PILLS will he iu*
ficient.
BULL'S SARSAPARILLA is the old anA
reliable remedy for impurities of the blood
and Scrofulous affeoaona—the King of
Blood Purifiers.
DR. JOHN BULL'S VEGETABLE WORM
DESTROYER is prepared in the form of
oandy drops, attractive to the sight and
pleasant to the taste.
Old. JOHN BTTZ.Xi'B
I | SMITH'S TONIC SYRUP,
BULL'S SARSAPARILLA,
BULL'S WORM DESTROYER
The Popular Remedies of the Day.
PrUcloal Office. 831 Main St.. LOUISYILLE, KT.
+., . ,
SIOOO REWARD -
tor mkliir* Lulli.. aaJ cleaning MlWt /aW I ?I.'L
u m. K h CWr.rs.fU
NEWARK MACmSiE CO.&S^/rl
newark. a limlwf"' n\v