THE HILLHEIH JOURNAL,
PUBLISHED EVERT THURSDAY BY
R. A. BUMILLER.
9 1
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BELLEFONTE, PA.
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CORNER OF MAIN AND JAY STREETS,
LOCK HAVEN, PA.
S.WOODS CALDWELL
PROPRIETOR.
Good Sample Booms for Commercial Travel
era on first floor.
OT. ELMO HOTEL,
Nos. 3t7 319 ARCH ST.,
PHILADELPHIA.)
RATES REDUCED TO $2,00 PER DAY.
The traveling public will still find at this
Hotel the same liberal provision for their com
fort. It is located in the immediate centres of
business and places of amusement and the dif
ferent Rail-Road depots, as weU as all parts ot
the city, are easily accessible by Street Cars
constantly passing the doors. It offers special
inducements to those visiting the city for busi-
plSronage respectfully solicited.
Jos. M. Feger. Proprietor.
pEABODY HOTEL,
9thSt. South, of Chestnut,
PHILADELPHIA.
One Square South of the New Post
Office, one half Square from Walnut
St. Theatre and in the very business
centre of the city. On the American
and European plans. Good rooms
fiom 50cts to $3.00 per day. Remodel
ed and newly furnished.
W PAINE, M. Dn
46iy Owner & Proprietor,
ill iptillliifti Snmni
R. A. BUMILLER, Editor.
VOL. 58.
THE LIGHTHOUSE
KEEPER.
Saul Ruudlett and his little daughter
Phoebe kept the Plum Pudding Light
house. Saul had been a sailoi for half
his life, but two or three nairow es
capes from shipwreck had convinced
him that it was desirable to have some
thing solid beneath one's feet, and he
had, with considerable difficulty—for
there had been suspicion that Saul was
not qnite "steady" enough for light
house keeper—obtaiued the position on
Plum Pudding Bock. Phcebe was born
there, and, her mother dying when
she was very small,had grown up there
almost as wild and untrained as the
sea gulls that built their nests in the
creyices of the rocks. Quite as nn
trained, she might have been, if it had
not been for Aunt Huldah Maria, who
lived on Mouse Island.
There was a school on Mouse Island
for six months in the year, and Phcebe
went to it some times ; she could not
go regularly, because—well, although
it is very sad it must be to'd—because
it was not always safe to leave her
father in charge of the lighthouse. He
bad been "steady" ever since he as
sumed the position of light house keep
er, fifteen years befoie, until the last
year. Even after that long period of
successful resistance his old enemy,the
love of drink, had fallen upon and con
quered him. And nobody knew it but
Phcebe.
Captain Saul, as everybody called
bim, had always been in the habit of
goiog to Jim Bowling's shop, at Pon
dunquit Harbor, which was a sort of
sailors' "snug harbor," to smoke his
pipe and spin yarns with his old cron
ies bnt he never drank anytbiog there.
And it was only within the last year
that he had brought anything home
from the harbor to drink. Now he did
it often ; indeed,it was seldom be came
home with out it, and, all by himself,
he would have a drinking bout, growing
merry at first and siDg old sea songs
and cracking jokes, and poor little
Pbosbe, who did not know the cause,
thought his mood delightful, and wish
ed he would always seem as happy ;*
but soon he began to drink more heavi
ly,and would pass from the meriy stage
into the cross and irritable one, and
then become stupid, sleepy aud utterly
helpless. And, besides, her grief and
humiliation were constantly anxious
lest her father should lose his situation.
They bad no money, and where in the
wide world could they find another
home if they had to leave the Plum
Pudding !
This was the sorrow and care that
had changed Phcele's face from a
round and rosy and dimpled "little one
so that it was now pinched and wan,
and had a careworn look that was sad
to see. There were several men who
wanted Captain Saul's position at the
lighthouse, and would be glad to report
anything that they could discover to
injure bim. Every day Phcebe expect
ed that the blow would fall, and they
would be obliged to leave their home.
There was to be a great merry-mak
ing on Mouse Island. Phoebe's oldest
cousin, Marie Cordilly, was to marry
Jed Collins, who was soon to sail as
mate of the Flying Scud,the finest ship
that ever hailed Pondunquit. But
when Phoebe said "she didn't think
she could come ; she would rather stav
at home and let her father come,"
there was a terrible outcry.
Aunt Huldah Maria said "Phoebe
should come or she would kuow the
reasoD," and that was just what Phoe
be didn't want—that Aunt Huldah
Maria should "know the reason why."
So she said, if she possibly could, she
would come. She tried to pursuade
her father not to go to Pondunquit
Harbor two or three days before the
wedding, but on that very day he had
an errand that could not be delayed, he
said. He came back only just in time
for Pbcebe to get off to be at Aunt Ilul
dah Maria's as early as she had prom
ised. But he seemed very kind and
affectionate, and told her "not to wor
ry ; he would take good care of the
light," aud kissed her, which had be
come quite unusual, and said "it was a
great pity if the mate couldn't go off
on a little lark when the captain was
left behind to take care of the ship."
He always called the lighthouse a ship,
and Phoebe bad been the mate ever
since she was 5 years old.
Aunt Huldah Afaria rejoiced, even
in the midst of iier labors as hostess, at
Phoebe's bright face. Perhaps the
child had only been a little overworked
or ailing, and there was not so much
trouble at the Plum Pudding as she
had fancied. But even while the fid
dler was playing his most entrancing
strains and the wedding cake was be
ing passed in most generous slices
Phoebe heard a whisper that made her
heart stand still. David Judkin, the
son of the man who wanted her fath
er's place, was talking to another young
man.
MILLHEIM, PA. THURSDAY, JUNE 12.1884.
"It isn't such a very thick fog, and
I never saw a fog so thick that you
couldn't see some sign of the Plum
Pudding light, from Mouse Island ; and
if it can't be seen to-night it isn't on
account of the fog, but because the
light isn't there."
"And the Advance is up in the har
bor," said the other. "Captaiu Saul is
at. the end of hi 9 lighthouse keeping, if
you are right."
"We might skirmish round a little
and see," said David Judkins. "It
would be a pity for the officers not to
And it out, you know."
The two young men weut out.
Phcebe knew well where they were go
ing. The Advance was the govern
ment steamer, whose office was to sup
.ply the lighthouses and see that they
were kept in proper condition.
David Junkins was going to give
warning that there was no light on the
Plum Pudding. Phcobe slipped out of
the house unobseryed. The fog had
come so suddenly that it seemed like
magic. A dense gray mist seemed to
have swallowed up the world. Only
very brilliant rays of light could pene
trate that fog, but the Plum Pudding
light was the finest on the coast.
Phoebe's practical eye searched nux
lously in the direction of the Plum
Pudding. But she looked in yaiu ;
there was thick darkness everywhere.
The lamp on the Plum Pudding was
not lighted. Phoebe listened, and
heard the steady plash of retieating
oars. David Junkins and bis friend
were rowiDg vigorously to Pondunquit
Harbor.
She ran down to the shors to the
place where her rowboat was fastened.
She got in and rowed swiftly out into
the thick darkness. She had not her
compass, which she usually carried in
her pocket, and if she had, it was too
dark to see it without a match. Could
she find her way to the island ? Phoe
be rowed swiftly in the direction of
where the Plum Pudding ought to be.
Presently she felt that she had gone far
enough. But where was the island ?
Why did she not get there ? The bow
of her boat seemed to be pointed to
ward the open sea. Had she been row
ing toward the open sea lustead of tne
Plum Pudding ? And then suddenly
it seemed to her that she was going
back toward Mouse Island.
Stout hearted as she was, Phoebe felt
ber courage failing. She let the oars
slip from her hands into the bottom of
the boat, and uttered a faint cry of dis
tress. It was so faint a cry that ouly
the sea guils could haye heard it, but
an answer seemed to come ; the sharp
shrill sound of a horn. It could be
nothing but the great horn of the light
house,although it seemed to come from
the direction of Pondunquit Harbor.
The sound was repeated ; it was the
lighthouse horn. Phoebe rowed with
might and main, and very soon a dark
shape loomed before her through the
darkuess, and her boat grazed the rocks
of the Plum Pudding. It was at the
very steepest part of the rocks, but
Phoebe could not delay to row to the
land . Up she scrambled, never heed
iug that her clothes were torn and her
hands scratched and bleeding.
It was difficult to find her way to the
lighthouse in the thick darknees, and
now there came no sound to guide her.
Never before in Phoebe's lifetime had
night found that lighthouse with dark
ened windows. And what had that
horn meant ? A terrible fear lest
something worse than she had thought
of had happened to her father made
Phoebe's steps falter upon the very
threshold. She pushed the door open,
but only to find that the living-room,
where her father always sat,was empty.
Phoebe seized a light which was burn
ing on the table and ran up the light
house stairs. At the top she almost
stumbled over her father lying in a
heap, the great horu fallen from his
hands,his red face and heavy breathing
showing his sad condition.
Phoebe sprkng to the lamp. The
great dazzling light flashed out. Thsre
was a few moments of perfect silence
and then there came a shout from the
water below. Phoebe seized the great
horu and blew a blast in answer.
"Light ahoy !" shouts a voice a
gain.
Phoebe seized her father's arm and
shook him with all her strenght. He
opened his eyes and tried with her help
to stand upon his feet.
"Put your heal out of the window
and shout Ahoy ! Oh, try your best to
do it, father 1" begged Phoebe.
He did try, but it was only a stam
mering whisper that came. Phoebe
lowered her voice to the gruffest bass
notes of which it was capable, aud
shouted "Ahoy" herself.
"All right," shouted the voices be
low. "We thought there was no light.
The fog is so thick that we could not
see it ten rods away. Never saw such
a tog even in this place. Advance will
be here to-morrow with supplies."
"Ay, ay, sir !" shouted Phoebe, still
in gruffest tones,
A I'AI'ER FOR THE 110 ME CIRCLE.
And then, to her great relief, she
heard the sound of retreating oars.
Then she helped her father down
stairs to his bed. She did not go to
bed herself, because she knew that her
aunt would discover her absceuce and
seud somebody in search of her, and it
was not long before her cousin Augus
tus Algernon appeared.
"Tell Aunt Iluldah J/aria that I
wanted to come home," was all that
Fhoebe would say.
"I don't see how you found your
way," said Augustus Algernon. "Ti.e
fog is so thick that I couldn't see a
glimpse of the light till I got half way
over. Folks over on the island thought
it wasn't lighted. But they may be
sure you never could have got here
without any compass if it hadn't
been."
The next morning Captain Saul came
to Phoebe aud laid his hand on her
head.
"I tried to light the lamp, Phoebe ;
I didn't think I'd got so far that I
couldn't, and I blew the horn twice ;
that was all I could do," he said.
"I might never have got here but for
that, father," said Phoebe, taking bis
other hand in hers. She did not re
proach him ; she never thought of do
ing that.
"It was the mate that saved the ship
last night," continued # Captain Saul,in
a voice that trembled, "but with God's
help the captain will never be off duty
again ! He'll never dowse his peak
and let that black pirate aooard again!"
pointing to a bottle which Phoebe had
seen many times before—"if not for
his own sake, for the sake of his little
gal—he swears that before the Lord."
If you would see how plump and
rosy Phoebe has grown you would
know that Captain Saul lias kept his
word. Aunt Huldah Maria had her
suspicion about the doings of that
night, but she never expressed them.
And there are no signs that Leauder
Judkins will ever keep the lighthouse.
The fog that was "so thick you
couldn't see the Plum Pudding light
ten rods away" is still famous.
Lost By A "T."
How a Leadvilllan Lost a Fortune
by the Omission of a Single Let
ter.
[Leadville Democrat.]
Speaking of the influence that small
thiugs exert on the affairs of life, and
sometimes what stupendous results de
pend on things that are iu themselves
so small as to be almost unworthy of
notice, a gentleman said to a reporter :
"It would hardly be supposed that a
single letter, or for that matter any
other letter in the alphabet, could have
the effect of changing the whole course
of a man's life, and possibly causing
effect that would last through eterni
ty."
The scribe agreed that it did not
look as if so small a thing should pro
duce so lasting and so great an effect.
"Well, it did in my case," said the
gentleman. "I'll tell you the circum
stances : Some twenty years ago,when
I was younger than I .am now, and had
more money, too, than I have now, I
was in Baltimore, Md., and was in cor
respondence with a gentelman in Mich
igan in reference to the purchase of a
large saw-mill and an extensive tract of
heavily timbered land. We had about
agreed as to the terms. I made ar
rangements to meet him in Saginaw
and perfect the trade, and sent bim a
telegram saying,"l will met you there."
I immediately started on my journey to
Saginaw, and when I arrived there I
found that the gentleman whom I had
gone to see had started, the same day I
did, for Baltimore. On reaching that
city )>e found that I had gone West,
but no one knew whither,so he returned
home. In the meantime I had started
on my return trip from Saginaw to
Baltimore to meet him there. When
he got home he found another purchas
er for the property, to whom he sold it,
and received the money for it. The
purchaser has since out of that very
property, become one of tne wealthiest
men in the Northwest,while I am poor.
The whole trouble resulted in the mess
age being transmitted : "I will meet
you here,' instead of: "I will meet
you there." He bad acted in accor
dance with it as he received it, and I
as I had sent it, and thu3 you see that
the omission of the letter 't' kept me
from making a fortune and changed
the whole course of my (existence. I
am now struggling for a liying in Lead
ville, when, if it had not been for that
unfortunate 't,' I would in all proba
bility to-day be a millionaire and living
in a marble residence, probably next to
that of William H. Yanderbilt. Yes,"
said he, as he heaved a sigh, "the
small things of this life are what we
want to watch, and the chances are
the large ones will take care of them
selves."
There are 125 liceased distilleries in
Scotland.
Items of Interest.
The latest use devised for paper is
the making of carpets.
A plumber was fined s2f>o in New
York for a poor job.
Australia could furnish 450,000 men
capable of bearing arms.
Iti Philadelphia there is a funeral ev
ery half hour the year round.
"Insane" murderers always select the
smartest lawyers to defend them.
A car containing 100,250,000 tooth
picks left Dixfield, Me., for Ohio.
A young Lowell, Mass., housekeeper
feeds seven people well on $25 a month.
There is a movement on foot to de
velop the oil fields of Canada this year.
Gardening is practically taught in
more than 20,000 primary schools in
Franco.
A saxon sun-dial has been found un
der the porch of a church near .Ciren
cester.
Hampton, Va., boasts the oldest
church in the country—St. John's,built
in 1834.
Thousands of pounds of dynamite are
carted through the streets of Chicago
every day.
The postmistress at Phoenix, Mich.,
is the first white person born on Lake
Superior.
There are twelve teeth factories in
the United States, which make 10,000,.
000 teeth a year.
A circus iu the west advertises 'the
only coal-black sacred elephant ever
seen in captivity.'
The bankers, butchers and grocers in
New York number 7,324 against 10,000
liquor dealers.
In India the natives have hoarded a
billion dollars in gold which cannot be
got into circulation.
The courts of Massachusetts have de
cided that when a man is naturalized
his wife is also naturalized.
There are 55,578 scholars in th e pub
lic schools ot Boston,this being a slight
increase over the number last year.
A drug journal gives two formulas
for 'butter colors.' They contain an
natto, tumeric, saffron, caustic potash,
borax and alcohol.
The Boston's Women's Educational
and Industrial Union has a Protective
Department whose object is to recover
wages unjustly withheld from working
women. %
There is said to be a man in Georgia
whs had thirty-six nephews in the late
war, all of whom, except three, were
killed. Fifteen of them belonging to
the same company.
The Case.
The court and jury, as well, as the
spectators, generally enjoy the scene
when a lawyer, in an attempt to badger
or browbeat a witness,comes off second
best in the encounter. A contempor
ary recalls an amusing instance of this
sort which happened a few years ago in
an Albany court-room. The plaintiff,
who was a lady, was called to testify.
She got on very well, and made a favor
able impression op the jury under the
guidance of her counsel, Hon. Lyman
Tremaine, until the opposing counsel,
Hon. Henry Smitn, subjected her to a
sharp cross-examination. This so con
fused her that she became faint and fell
to the floor in a swoon. Of course this
excited general sympathy in the audi
ence, and Mr. Smith saw that his case
looked badly. An expedient suggested
itself by which to make the swooning
appear like a piece of stage mockery,
and thus destroy sympathy for her.
The lady's face in swooning had turned
purple red, and this fact suggested the
new line of attack. The next witness
was a middle-aged lady. The counsel
asked,—
"Did you see the plaintiff faint a
short time ago, madain ?"
"Yes, sir."
"People generally turn pale when
they faint, do they not V"
Great sensation in court and evident
confusion of witness. But in a momeut
she answered,—
"No, not always."
"Did you eyer hear of a case of faint
ing where the party did not turn pale?"
"Yes, sir."
"Did you ever see such a case ?"
"Yes, sir."
"When ?"
"About a year ago."
"Where was it ?"
"In this city."
"Who was it ?"
By this time the excitement was so
intense that everybody listened anxious
ly for the reply. It came promptly,
with a twinkle in the witness's eyes
and a tremor on her lip, as if from sup
pressed humor,—
"It was a negro, sir."
Peal after peal of laughter shook the
court room, in which the venerable
judge joined. Mr. Smith lost his case.
Senator Edmunds' private law prac
tice is worth $75,000 a year.
Terms, SI.OO per Year, in Advance.
Wouldn't Give Him a Chance.
Old Simeon had been employed to
work in Colonel Hatcher's garden. The
Colonel noticed that the old man spent
the most of his time at the kitchen win
dow, talking to the colored lady who
condescends to the menial oillce of cook.
While the Colonel was standing at the
front gate, Simeon came around and
was in the act of passing out, when the
Colonel obseryed the gentleman's coat
bulging and his arm raised in a rather
suspicious manner.
•Simeon, what's that you got under
your arm ?'
4 Dis henh arm, sail ?'
•Yes, that there arm.'
•Dis 'on ?' placiug his fright hand on
his left breast.
•\"es, I know which one 1 mean.'
•Yas, sah, yas. I'se got a powerful
swellin' un'er ray arm, sah.'
•There was nothing the matter when
you came this morning.'
•For, sah, dat's a fack,but de swellin'
wuz mighty suddent. I don't think dat
my blood's right, sah.'
•No,and I don't think that your flesh
is altogether above suspicion.'
'Doan think it is, sah. I'se had dis
swellin' seberal times, sah in de List
week ur two.'
•I don't doubt it in the least.'
•Nor, sah, nor. Wuz er workiu'
'roun' dar jis' now an' de fust thing I
knowed, dis arm guter go up, an' pains
guuter shoot down dis laig. It wuz de
furst time dat sich a thing hab eb3r
happened an' it skeered me.'
•Thought you had been affected that
way several times in the last week or
two?'
'O, yas, but it wuz un'er de udder
arm befo'. Keep on er swelhn' jes' like
I tells yer, till I git skeer, so I'se now
goin' ter see a doctor, fur I dean want
er let it run on.'
'I am a physician. Let me examine
you.'
4 llole on, boas,' stepping back.
1 Yeise'f doan un'erstan' dis case. Yer
mout be a good doctor wid de chills,but
I'se erfeered ter trus' yer wid a caee
like dis. My regular family zishun is
de only man what un'erstan's dis case.'
'Who is your physician ?"
'Doctor Fillings.'
' He's out of town. You'd better let
me make an examination.'
'Huh V shifting uneasily.
'Let me see what's the matter ?'
'Boss,my doctor tole me dat I musn't
let no udder man tech me, 'cause if I
did, de swellin' is ap' ter strike in an'
kill me. 'Twain't fur dat, I'd put my
se'f un'er your charge in a minit. I'se
heard dat yer's a mighty fine 'zishun,
an' if yer hud took dis case at fust, w'y
yer raout er been a good han' at it by
dis time.'
'I have treated many a case like this,'
said the Colonel, 'and I don't think
that I would be discharging my sworn
duty as a physician if 1 were to allow
you to leave my premises without hay
ing first attempted to relieve you.'
'Boss, heah is de fack in de case. Dr.
Pilliugs owes me money, an' I hab
promised to take it out in doctorin.'
Now, if he finds out dat I'se 'ployed
some udder man, he'll grt mad, 'sides
dat I ain't got der money to pay yer
wid.'
•I won't charge you anything.'
'Yer's a powerful 'bligin' gennerman,
but I doan' wanter take de 'vantage o'
yer. I'se alius made it er rule not ter
'p>se on a kind man.'
'I cannot allow you to go without ex
erting my skill,' taking hold of old
Simeon.
•Heah, take de piecer meat I' lifting
his coat and exhibiting a ham. 'Yer's
de wust pusson I eber seed. Won't gib
er man a chance nohow.'— Arkansaxc
Traveler.
Over the Fence.
Mrs. Singleton put her head over the
fence and thus addressed her neighbor
who was hanging out her week's wash
ing,—
"A family has moved into the empty
house across the way, Mrs. Clothes
line." *
"Yes, I know."
"Did you notice their furniture ?"
"Not particularly."
'•Two loads and I wouldn't give a
dollar a load for it. Carpets! I wouldn't
put them down in my kitchen. And the
children ! I mine to associ
ate with them, you bet. And the moth
er! She looks as if she had never known
a day's happiness. The father drinks,l
expect. Too bad that such people
should come into this neighborhood. I
wonder who they are ?"
"1 know them."
"Do you ? WelM declare. Who are
they ?"
"The mother is my sister, and the
father is superintendent of the Metho
dist Sunday school."
A painful pause ensues.
ADVICE TO MOTHERS.
Are you disturbed at night and broken of
your rest by a sick child suffering and crying
with pain of cutting teeth ? If so, send at once
and get a bottle of MRS. WINSLOW'S SOOTHING
SYRUP FOR CHILDREN TEETHING. Its valuo is
incalculable. It will relieve the poor little suf
ferer immediately. Depend upon it, mothers,
there is no mistake about it. Itcnresdysentery
and diarrhoea, regulates the stomach and
bowels, cures wind colic, softens the gums, re
duces inflammation, aud gives tone and energy
to the whole system. MRS. WINSLOW'S SOOTH
ING SYRUP FOR CHILDREN TEETHING is pleasant
to the taste, and is the prescription of one of
the oldest and best femaie nuisers and physici
ans in the United States, and is for sale by all
druggists throughout the world. Price 85
couts a bottle.
NO. 24.
ICBWSPAPBII LAWB.
If subscribers order the discontinuation of
newsp*|>ers. the uunllshers may continue to
send lhe in until all arrearages are paid.
Jf subscribers refuse r neglect, totaketleir
newspam?rs froui the office to u hicU they are sent
they are held responsible until they lmresettled
the bills and ordered theip discontinued.
If subscribers move toother places without ln3
forming the publisher, And the newspnjiers ar
sent to the former place, they are ren|>oiu>lble.
g——
▲DVBBTBRNO HATBH.
1 wit. i mo. | s moH. 6 mos. ] year
1 square * 24u *4oo| s&uu 600 $g to
X ' 700 10 00 LVtfr 30 00 40(0
1 14 1000 150OJ 2500 4600 7510
One iuch ntaktt a square. Administrators'
and Executors' Notices s*£). Transient adver
tisements and locals 10 cents per line for first
insertion and 5 cents par line for each addition-
HUMOROUS.
BASE INGRATITUDE.
' : 8o yoa refuse to buy me that new
silk diess !" said an Austin girl to her
mother.
•'No, Esmeralda,l really can't afford
it."
"So that's the way you treat me,who
have made you a happy mother. O,
how sharper than a serpent's tooth it
is to have a thankless mother. When
you first became my mother, I never
dreamed that it would come to this."
TOOK THINGS EAST.
"Is it possible!" exclaimed the new
chaplain to the worst thief in the pent
tentiary. "Are you flfty-two years old?
My unfortunate friend, yon don't look
thirty !"
"No, replied the thief, humbly. "I
don't show my age, but that is because
I take thiDgs so easy."
And the good chaplain told him that
he was right; that care and worry made
men old faster than hard work.
A BASE SUPPOSITION.
"Who is that young man walking on
the other side of the street ? He must
be some fugitive from justice. See the
nervous, haunted expression of his
countenance."
"Oh,no. He's no criminal. You're
mistaken. Poor fellow,he's a base ball
umpire, and his experience on the field
has taught him to be constantly on the
watch for some one throwing some
thing at him."
A BOLD, BAD BEGGAR.
"Haveyou got fifty emits ?*' said a
beggar to a surly passer-by.
"No, I haven't fifty cents."
"Well, haye you got twenty-five
cents ?"
"No, I haven't."
"Have you got ten cents ?"
"No."
"Have you got any sense at all ?"
"No—yes—what's that ? Get ont,
or I'll knock your face off."
The beggar got out, chuckling.
Skin Scraping Sarcasm.
'ls my shaying agreeable to you,sir ?'
a loquacious barber asked a customer
whom he had been flaying alive.
•My wife would admire it very much,'
rather indefinitely responded the man
under torture.
*Ah,' said the barber with great com
placency, 'ladies are often excellent
judges of their husbands being well
shaved. And you think mine will suit,
sir ?'
'No doubt of it in the world. It was
only this morning she became angry be
cause I told her I could not afford to
buy her a spring bonnet, and she said
I ought to be skinned alive.'
Thd barber lost himself in reflection.
A Good Thing.
'Some people never know when they
have a good thing, growled the dog
trainer to his friend, the mule-fancier,
as he entered that gentleman's stable
last night.
•What are yon kicking about, now ?'
returned the mule-lover, speaking tech
nically.
'A young married man came to my
place about two weeks ago,' snarled
the visitor, 'and said : 'I want to buy a
well-trained house-dog—a smart one
that will be a protector to my wife
while I'm down town.' I sold him a
St. Charles spanill for SSO that knows
more than many a detectiye sergeant.
Yesterday he brought the dog back
and wanted his money.'
'What was the matter?' asked the
mule-fancier, sympathetically.
'The dog knew too much,' replied his
friend sadly. 'Says the young man,
'My wife went to her mother's the day
after I bought this dog and stayed away
a week. The first night she returned
this brute lugged the demijohn out of
my side-board and hauied it under the
dining table then when 1 went upstairs
he tried to pull my boots off and the
next morning nearly split my eoat up
the back to get me to the window when
that pretty blonde passed whom I've
been flirting with. My wife swears
that the boys have been at the house
every night that she left; That I've
gone to bed with my clothes on, and
that if the dog could only speak she
could get a diyorce. The beast is too
smart. Give me $25 and take him back,
and so,' concluded the dog-fancier, sor
rowfully, 'lnstead of making $45 I am
only $25 and the dog ahead.'
'I feel for you,' said the mule-fancier.
'I sold a milk-dealer just what he asked
for—a quiet mule. The next day he
came back and wanted to know what
sort of a beast that was. 'He goes to
sleep about forty times along my route,
and turned the milk sour with his snor
ing,' said the chalk-and-water peddler.
•vWhat ailed him?' asked|the dog
trainer.
'Well,' replied tue mule-fansier with
a grin, 'he was once driven in a deliver*
y-wagon of the Baltimore newspapers,
and that is certainly enough to make a
mule drowsy for the rest of his li€e.*
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