Millheim Journal. (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, April 24, 1884, Image 1

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    THE MILLHEIM JOURNAL,
PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY BY
R. A. BUMILLER.
Office in the New Journal Building,
Penn St., near Hartman's foundry.
SI.OO PER ANNUM, IN ADVANCE,
OR $1.26 IT NOT PAID IN ADVANCE.
Acceptable Correspondence Solicited
Address letters to MILLHKIM JOURNAL.
BUSINESS CARDS.
HARTER,
Auctioneer,
MLLLILEIM, PA.
jT\B. JOHN F. HARTER,
Practical Dentist,
Office opposite the Methodist Church.
MAIN STREET, MILLIIEIM PA.
D. H. MINGLE,
Physician & Surgeon,
Otfilce on Main Street.
MILLIIEIM, PA
J. SPRINGER,
Fashionable Barber,
hop oppoisite the Milliieim Banking House,
MAIN STREET, MILLIIEIM, PA. J
JQR. GEO. S. FRANK,
Physician & Surgeon,
REBERSBURG, PA.
Professional calls promptly answered. 3m
D. H. Hastings. w. F. Reeder
JJASTINGS& REEDER,
Attornejs-at-Law,
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Office on Allegheny Street, two doors east of
the office ocupied by the late firm of Yocum &
Hastings.
C. T. Alexander. C. M. Bower.
A LEXANDER & BOWER,
Attorney-at-Law,
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Office in Garman's new building.
HOY,
Attorney-at-Law.
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Orphans' Court Business alSpeciallty.
M. C. HEINLE,
Attorney-at-Law
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Practices in all the courts of Centre county.
Special attention to Collections. Consultations
in German or English.
J. A. Beaver. •*. W. Gephart.
JgEAVER & GEPHART,
Attorneys-at-Law,
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Office on Alleghany Street, North of High Street
-gROCKERHOFF HOUSE,
ALLEGHENY ST., BELLEFONTE, PA.
C, G. McMILLEN,
PROPRIETOR.
Good Sample Room on First Floor. Free
Buss to ana from all traius. Special rates to
witnesses and Jurors.
QUMMINS HOUSE,
BISHOP STREET, BELLEFONT, PA.,
EMANUEL BROWN,
PROPRIETOR.
House newly refitted and refurnished. Ev
erything done to make guests comfortable.
Rates moderate. Patronage respectfully solici
ted.
JRVIN HOUSE,
(Most Central Hotel in the city.)
CORNER OF MAIN AND JAY STREETS,
LOCK HAVEN, PA.
S.WOODS CALDWELL
PROPRIETOR.
Good Samnle Rooms for Commercial Travel
ers on first floor.
QT. ELMO HOTEL,
Nos. 317 & 319 ARCH ST.,
PHILADELPHIA.
RATES REDUCED TO $2.00 PER DAY.
The traveling public will still find at this
Hotel the same liberal provision for their com
fort. It is located In the immediate centres of
business and places of amusement and the dif
ferent Rail-Road depots, as well as all parts oi
the city, are easily accessible by Street Cars
constantly passing the doors. It offers special
inducements to those visiting the city for busi
ness or pleasure.
Your patronage respectfully solicited.
Jos. M. Feger. Proprietor.
J)EABODY HOTEL,
9thSt. South of Chestnut,
PHILADELPHIA.
One Square South of the New Post
Office, one half Square from Walnut
St. Theatre and in the very business
centre of the city. On the American
and European plans. Good rooms
i from 50ct8 to $3.00 per day. Remodel
ed and newly furnished.
W. PAINE, M. D.,
40-ly Owner & Proprietor.
R. A. BUMILLER, Editor.
VOL. 58.
A Strange Character,
One evening, during the progress of
the war of Lire Revolution in America,
an old woman, living in the suburbs of
Portsmouth, England, was summoned
to her door by a knock, and, on open
ing it, found herself confronted with
an old man, poorly dressed,with a bun
dle in his hand, such as travelers of his
class frequently carried on their pedest
rian tours.
"Madam," he said,respectfully, 44 cau
I get to lodge here to-night ?"
"It aren't my business to take lodg
ers," replied the mistress of the house,
scanning the applicant closely by the
light she held in her band.
"I s'pose not, madam —but I'm a
poor man, and want shelter some
where."
"Well, why don't you go to an inn ?
there's plenty of them in the town.".
"Just because I'm poor, and can't
afford to pay as much as they'd ask.
I've got a little money, only a little,
and I want to make it go as far as I
can. I'm willing to pay you what's
reasonable ; and then I'd save some
thing, I'm thinking."
"Who are you ? where do you be
long ? and what's your business ?"
"I'm called John the Painter, and
that explains my business, and I belong
anywhere where I happen to be. If
you're not satisfied with this answer,
why, good night to you, and I'll trudge
on to try my chance somewhere else."
The old woman, who was poor her
self, and lived alone, in a small, crazy,
old house, thought she might as well
gather in a few pennies, by keeping
the traveler, as to let some of her
neighbor do it; and so, after a little
reflection, she rejoined :
"I s'pose I can keep you, if, as you
say, you'll pay me what's reasonable —
for, like you, I'm poor, too, and can't
afford to do it for nothing. Come in
and sit down—you look tired. I s'pose
you want supper ?"
"Yes, if you please," said John the
Painter, as he walked in and took a
seat near the fire, upon which he fixed
his eyes somewhat abstractly, while he
carelessly threw his hat and bundle
down beside him.
For the half hour that the mistress
of the house was busied in preparing
his supper, the traveler seemed deeply
absorbed in matters of his own, and
scarcely once took his eyes from the
fire, or changed his position. At first
the old woman glanced at him furtive
ly, with an air of ordinary curiosity,
and occasionally ventured some com
mon-place remark ; but finding he
made no reply, took no notice of her
presence, and even seemd not to hear
her, she became bolder iu her manner,
and two or three times stopped near
him, staring directly into his face.
He oppeared to be between sixty and
seventy years of age, had gray hair, a
sterc, pinched face, a large nose, thin,
compressed lip 9, and cold, staring eyes,
the expression of which was far from
pleasing, and which was not redeemed
by anything else in his countenance.
In fact be seemed like a man not at
peace with himself or the world, and
who was either then brooding over
some committed crime or some contem
plated'revenge.
"There, sir, your supper's ready, if
you want it," at length spoke the mis
tress, jn a half querulous tone, as if of
fended that none of her . previous re
marks had been noticed.
The strange traveler took no heed,
but still sat staring at the fire.
"I say your suppeer's ready man ;
and, if you want it hot, you'd better
eat it before it gets cold ; for I'll not
warm it again, this blessed night, foi
you nor nobody else !" cried the host
ess, in an angry tone.
Stil no movement—no response—no
indication that her unmusical voice
was not even heard.
"I say I" she half screamed in his
ear, at the same time taking hold of his
arm rather rudely.
Like a ball he Fprung from his seat
and confronted her, his eyes looking
wild and wicked.
"Good Lord, man, don't scare a
body so !" exclaimed th 3 woman,tak
ing two or three quick,backward steps,
and turning pale with fright. "I'm
only trying to make you understand
your supper's ready."
The stranger glared at her for a mo
ment, then at the table,and then seem
ed to comprehend the true facts.
"Oh ! ah ! yes !" he replied,with
a grim smile. "I beg your pardon l—
it's likely you've spoke to me before 1"
"It's like I have, a half a-dozen
times, just as I might have talked to a
post 1"
"Yes, madam, I see—l thank you—l
beg your pardon ! I was busy think
ing, and forgot where I was."
He then took his seat at the table,
and, while eating his supper, tried to
make amends for his former impolite
abstraction, by making himself as
. agreeable as possible. He succeeded so
MILLIIEIM, PA., THURSDAY, APRIL 24., 1884.
well in his efforts to please, that the
mistress of the house became quite
charmed with his conversation,and be
gan to think he might possibly be an
angel in disguse—or, in other words,
a rich and eccentric old gentleman,
whom good fortune had thrown in her
way for a future husband or possible
legacy.
But these bright hopes did not have
a long duration—for scarcely had the
stranger lluished his meal, than he sud
denly grew cold, taciturn and abstract
ed, and presently asked to be shown to
his bed. If he slept soundly, the mis
tress of the house did not—for after the
dispelling of the bright fancy of future
wealth, she began to fear that the
stranger might take a notion to shorten
her life bofore morning, and so lay a
wake and listened, and trembled at ev
ery unusual sound.
The night,however,passed off without
any disturbance ; and at day Ugh t the
old man rose anu went out, leaving his
bundle behind. Scarcely was he out of
sight before the curiosity of his hostess
set her to work to see if she could gath
er any new facts.
If he had left a trunk, instead of a
bundle, she would probably have found
away to open and rummage it ; but as
it was, she had only to untie an old,
dirty handkerchief ; and there, before
her eyes, lay a shirt,a pair of stockings,
and a tin box -a curious-looking tin
box—for which, unfortunately for her
ease of mind, she could not imagine
any use. She held it up,turned it over,
shook it, and tried her best to see into
it, and conjecture for what purpose it
was made ; but not being able to do
this, she at length resigned it with a
sigh, rolled it up as the had found it,
tied up the bundle, and went about her
own business.
John the Painter came back to a late
breakfast, and then settled with the
curious widow for all he had of her, at
the same time remarking that he might
possibly remain in town another night,
in which case he hoped he would be
permitted to return and pass another
night under her hospitable roof.
To this she now readily gave consent,
again thinking him a man of some con
sequence.
lie then inquired where he could find
a tinman ; and receiving tho proper
direction to one, lie bade her good-bye
and started off, this time taking his
bundle with him.
Toward evening, however, lie came
back, and said he had concluded to
stay another night in town,and wanted
supper, which tl.e widow again prepar
ed for him.
lie ate this meal iu silence, and soon
after made some excuse to go out.
He was absent some two oi three
hours ; and when lie returned lie re
ported that there was quite a large fire,
which he understood to be in some gov
ernment buildings that he feared would
be consumed.
"But blessed aie the poor he added,
with a strange kind of a laugh, which
his hostess afterwards recilhd ; "for
they have nothing to lose."
lie then went to bed, and appeared
to rest well thiough the night ; but
rose at the first streak of day, paid his
reckoning, and took his departure,
saying he should not return.
On going out. an hour or two later,
the widow was surprised to see the us
ually quiet town of Portsmouth in
great commotion—groups collected
here and there, as if discussing some
remarkable event—and mounted men,
both military and civil, dashing hither
and yon, all seeming hurried and anx
ious. On every blank wall, too, there
was a flaming placard, announcing the
startling fact that a hundred thousand
pounds worth of naval stores had been
destroved by incendiarism, tint secret
emissaries of the enemy were supposed
to be in their midst, offering large re
wards for the arrest and conviction of
the guilty, and ordering all citizens to
report to the nearest magistrate the
names of all strangers who had lodged
in town during the last three days, and
more especially the last night.
As soon as the widow fairly under
stood this matter, she hastened to give
in the name of John the Painter, with
a description of his person, manner,
conversation, and, withal, his curious
tin box and visit to the tinman.
The latter was immediately sent for,
and deposed that ho had made a top for
the box, which seemed to be a curious
affair, the use of which lie did not
know.
All this fully fixed suspicion upon
the eccentric old man ; and as it was
supposed he had been dispatched from
town to some distant point by relays of
horses, horsemen were sent off in every
direction in hot pursuit, with orders to
arrest every mounted person they
might find.
Somewhere about mid-clay John the
Painter was overtaken, on the regular
Londou road, by one of these mounted
parties, who stopped and inquired if any
one had passed him on horseback that
morniDg.
A PATER FOR THE HOME CIRCLE
"Not a soul," replied the old man.
"llow long have you been on this
road V"
"Since daylight. Why ?"
"There was a great destruction of
naval stores in Portsmouth lust night,
the work of some infernal incendiary,
and we want to catch the villain."
"Well,do you '•'pose he lied on horse
back ?" said the old man, with ape-
culiar twinkle of his eyes.
"Undoubtedly."
"Well, he didn't—he went on foot."
"Ha 1 how do you know ?"
"Because I know the man who did
it."
"Who is he ? Where is he ?" de
manded the leader, excitedly.
"He's callled John the Painter, and
he's here. I'm the man."
"Take care how you jest,old fellow!"
returned the other, warningly ; "i*
might get you into trouble."
"If you can't understand plain Eng
lish, you're as big a fool as your royal
master is a knave 1" said the old man,
with an angry sneer. "I tell you I'm
the man that did it—and I'm the man
that glories in it —and if you don't be
lieve me, ride on and hunt till you gut
sense !"
The horsemen now thought the old
man was crazy ; but, after what he
had said, they concluded to arrest him
and take him back to Portsmouth.
They did so, and theie he was con
fronted with the old woman and the
tinman, both of whom identified him
as the mysteiious stianger they had de
scribed.
He was then asked to make a con
fession and name his accomplices.
"I never had any accomplices," said
the old man, indignantly. "What I
did, I did alone, and I glory in it. I
once lived peaceably and happily in the
quiet little town of Amboy, State of
New Jersey, far away over the great
waters ; and I'd been living peaceable
there to-day, if the minions of King
George had let mo alone ; but they
caiue there, and insulted and abused
me, and burned down my dwelling,and
cast me adrift to shift for myself—and
then 1 took a solemn oath I'd be reven
ged. It was my first intention to kill
your vile king ; and I'd have done it,
only for Mr. I>enne, our secret minis
ter at Paris, who convinced me it was
wrong to slay the Lord's Anointed ;
and so, as the next best thing, I deter
mined to hum as much of the king's
property as 1 could. I came direct
from Paris here, and you know what
I've done since I got here, and that's
enough. I know you'll hang me for it
—but I don't care for that. I'm a
poor, friendless, old man, made sick of
life b* your accursed deeds ; and now,
that I've got my revenge, I don't care
how soon I die.
They sent the old man, under guard,
to London,where he underwent a close
examination before the Privy Council
—but no new facts were elicted. lie
strictly adhered to his first statement ;
and, mainly on his own evidence, or
confession, he was tried, convicted,
sentenced, and hanged.
We have only to add, that the fore
going may be reli*d on as strictly au
thentic.
• A FLYING TRIP.
Mrs Acker, and yours, until my
funeral, expected to have gone to the
city last week, but we didn't get there
for the following pesky reasons :
Wo were somewhat late for the train,
owing, so says Mrs. N. Y. A., to my
inborn carelessness ; but I claim I con
tracted the habit about the time my
wife became the possessor of a marriage
certificate.
Mrs. Acker washustling around,put
ting on her duds, when she happened
to think that she wanted a pair of
gloves which had been left up-stairs,
and I must scoot up-stairs and get the
desired hand-squeezers.
The going up was not as long in be
ing accomplished as the construction
of the Washington monument, but the
downward motion ! Scissors and
shears 1 Wasn't that expedited ? But
I hardly think I came down easy. And
now that I come to reflect oyer the
matter, I know I did not. No, siree, 1
didn't. I came down hard, very, very
hard on the floor at the foot of the
stairs, and there I sat investigating
the lump on the rear of my cranium,
the abrasion on my elbow, and—and
but I'll not enumerate. I received a
souvenir from each step of the stairs.
The flual object upon which I bump
ed was my hat, and it being what is
commonly designated as a stove-pipe,
of course it was mined beyond a possi*
bility of resurection.
Before serenity reigned again the
hack man had nearly worn out the clap
per of the door-bell, trying to make the
Acker family understand that it was
time to adjourn the debating society.
We shook things up lively, and ac
companied by a hat out of the rag-bag.
tumbled into the hack and rattled away
! to the depot, where we arriyed just in
time to catch on the ruar platform as
the train was moylng out.
Mrs. Acker scrambled up first, and
took some seconds at it, and left me
grasping the rail, making frantic efforts
! to keep up with the accelerated motion
of the car, while about every rod I
would slap one foot down upon the
ground with the seeming result of driv
ing my heel up through the spinal col-
urun, and taken up lodgings in the
nape of my neck.
Thus I went bravely on emulating
the antics of the mythical fiying-eater
of sauor krout.
"11l ! whoop ! Go in, old flying
machine, I'll bet on yer," shouted an
urchin, who was standing by tho side
of the track, while a mongrel cur came
tearing, yelping out, thinking my :oat
tails were a flock of geese, which lie
was in duty toui.d to frighten off.
The cars at length gained such head
way that my feet only touched the
ground once in every three and nine
tenths rods, my hair was letting go of
the scalp, and I breathed by jerks,
when the brakeman came out and haul
ed me upon the platform.
Just after I had succeeded in regain
ing my breath, out rushed the conduct
or followed by Mrs. Acker.
The conductor shouted :
"Are you this woman's hushand ?"
"I'll be dod slivered if I am not :
that is, what there is left of me."
"Well, then, girn'e your tickets."
"Haven't got any. I have just been
hauled on this gosh slammed car.with
out time to say Jack Robinson, let a
lone buying tickets."
"Then 1 must have the money."
I shoved my hand in my pocket aud
pulled out my—keys.
In my hurry I had left my purse at
home.
I jumped upon ray feet, and stared
at Brassbuttons, who said :
"Come, come—tickets or money."
"Well darn my looks if I've got eith
er !
"Then you must get off at the next
station."
"What !" shrieked I,in amazement.
"You presume to pretend that you are
going to put me off this train—me,
Nimble Yankee Acker, Esq.?"
"Yes 1"
"Great Scott I Why, sir, I'm a wri
ter —an author, sir !"
"Don't know you. Come down with
the money or off you go."
"Whew but "
"Come—the money. I haven't time
to be fooling with a hatless lunatic,"
critd Brassbuttons, an he slamuied the
door, through which issued the titters
of the passengers.
"Ilatluss !" I clapped my hand on
my forehead. "Good heavens, I am
disgraced I"
I subsided.
We got off at the next station,and I
looked around for a conveyance to take
us home,but no one would let me have
one without the money.
Finally I came across a man who
compromised by driving us home,mak
ing me promise to pay him immediate
ly after arriving, and let him wear my
nickel-plated watch uutil he had the
lucre in has paw.
I didn't feel like pushing the experi
ment further, and therefore did not try
to buy a hat, but made a turban of
Mrs. Acker's shawl.
We met several parties on the raod,
and were often met with the exclama
mation:
"Gypsies,by hookey."
Mrs.Acker declares she will l.ot be
good enough to go to church again un
til after next communion Sunday.
1 am now convalescing.
Pearls of Thought.
Lost time is never found again.
The future destiny of the child is al
ways the work of the mother.
lie is rich who is satisfied with what
he hath—whether it belittle or much.
Sudden expectations, which kindle
the mind to a fever,sometimes chill the
heart to a frost.
llow long, how slow, and how in
scrutable can be one man's fate against
another's finding out!
I)o nothing by halves. If a thing is
right, do it boldly and well ; If it be
wrong, leayt it uncDvie.
Good resolutions are like horses. The
first cost is an item of less importance
than the keeping.
Iu judging of others, a man often er
reth ; but in examining himself, always
laboreth fruitfully.
Truth—the open,bold, honest truth
is always the safest,for everyone,in any
and aU circumstances.
A man in Terre Haute, who recent
ly secured a divorce from his wife,now
employs her as his servant girl, and
she has more money and better clothes
than wlien she was his wife. If some
men would treat their wives as they
do their servant girls there would be
fewer divorces.— Texas Si/tings.
Terms, SI.OO per Year, in Advance.
"HACK, SIR!"
Last week I went to the city.
There is nothing in that assertion
than is very strange, nor anything
which would apparently make a founda
tion for a novel; but, you see, it is not
so much trie going or coming that is so
much on my mind,but the goshsilvered
occurences after I reached there that
are disturbing my eqninanimity.
I was there—that's sufficient—and
the doggoned hackmen seemed to know
it before I did, for about a thou—well
something less than a hundred of them
pointed their long, dirty fingers at me,
as soon as I tumbled from the train,
aim yelled, "Hack, hack, sir!" until I
wished some one had hacked their
tongues off.
One grabbed me by the shoulder and
another pulled my sleeve, while a thud
tugged away at my valise, as I shouted:
"Scissors and shears ! What do you
want, yon swiveled-tongued donkeys?
If you don't let go of mo,l'll thrash the
whole boodle of you."
I slung the back of my hand across
one ugly mug aud kicked the shins of
the fellow who w;is clawiug at my
shoulder, while the] snoozer who clung
to my bag yelled:
"That's right; give it ter em'—oh,
ouch I"
And he doubled up and grabbed him
self where his vituals are digested, for
that's where my number ten stopped.
1 was in for it.
Tiie whole crowd now rushed at me.
I caught my toe on the curb, tumbl
ed down, upset three hackmen, they
upset more of their ilk, legs, arms,hats,
shoes, fists, hair, cuss words, and so
forth, were in utter confusion.
The police rushed up, thinking a
bomb had exploded, and I sprang to
my feet and started on a run as though
I was a chicken thief, with a bob-tailed
bulldog after a taste of mv pantaloous.
Some one cried:
"Stop thief!"
The police saw my legs giving fail
and came rolling after me.
I whooped her up lively and seemed
in a fair way to get down a side alley,
when a young street arab boboed from
around the corner and I tumbled over
him, rolled into the gutter, he yelled,
"Murder! oh, bang dash it!" some one
rushed out of a side door, wiping beer
from his vest, aud screeching:
"Is there another Texas stoer loose ?
W-where is he?"
The boy said he guessed so, and that
he was killed.
I got up out of the gutter, rubbed the
mud out of my eyes with one hand,
held the rent iu my pantaloons togeth
er with the other, backed up against a
brick wall, waited for the policemen
while my ire rose to a boiling heat.
I gritted my teeth, and I may as well
remark here that I had no trouble in
doing so, for the dirt in my mo utb
made the process a very sasy one.
In about the flop of a fly's wing, up
lushed a whole squad of blue-coats,
puffing and blowing like fire engines.
One grabbed me and tried to drag me
away, but I dropped down, pulled him
with me,others came up and caught on,
I kicked one in the mouth, another
bent his head down under the persuas
ion of my hand in iiis hair, while the
third gave me the loan of his ear for a
handle, then yelled because it hurt
him.
At length I was at the station-boUse
and we all took a breathing spell.
The Justice came in and took his
seat.
"What's the charge against this
man?"
"Riot," howled the policeman whose
ear had acted as a handle.
"Disorderly conduct," yelled the one
whose mouth had collided with ray toe.
"A crank," said the one whose hair
my fingers had mussed.
44 Prisoner," said the Justice, "you
hear the charges. What have you to
say?"
4 'Give me a piu," said I, and the
Judge leaned over and whispered to a
reporter:
"A crank, by hookey!" then turning
to me: 41 What do you waut of a piu ?"
"My pantaloons are torn and I want
to pin thera up."
After I had finished the operation, I
said:
"Your Honor, I deny all the charges.
I don't want a 'awyer. I don't want
to make a speech, and;i'll be gosh darn
ed if I want to ride in a hack. Because
I refused to ride, the hackmen, and
yours until the hearse carries me off,
had a little muss. I got away from
them and run, the police followed and
caught me, aud theu there was another
ruptiou. I was captured, and here I
am."
"I am neither a crank, a riotor, nor
a disorderly person. I am not drunk,
a canibal or a Texas steer. I am not
the Governor, Mayor nor a wild Indian.
I am neither Conklin, or Cameron,
nor Barnura's pet monkey. Rut, holy
smoke, I'm mad—geewhittaker, I
should say I was.
"It I had half a show I'd wallop the
whole policeforce and then sail into the
hackmen and stand them all on their
heads, but I havn't half a chance, so if
you want to fine me,all right I'll pay it.
But don't you lock me up, Judge.. If
NO. 17.
NEWSPAPER LAWS.
If subscribers order the discontinuation of
newspapers, the punllshers may continue to
send them until all arrearages are paid.
If subscribers refuse or neglect to take their
newspapers from the office to which they a re tent
they are held responsible until they hare settled
the bills ai d ordered them discontinued.
if subscribers move to other places without tn
forming the publisher, and the newspapers are
sent to the former place, they are responbibte.
I . i
ADVERTISING RATES.
i i wk- 1 mo. 13 moe. fimos. 1 year
1 square * 2 (JO $ 4 001 sft 00 *ti 00 t8 00
H ;; 700 10 00 15 00 30 00 40 CO
1 " 10 00 looo| 25 00 4500 75C0
One inch makes a square. Administrators'
and Executors' Notices |i.so. Transient adver.
tisements and locals 10 cents per line for first
insertion and 5 cents per line for each addition
al insertion.
you do I'll—l'll—stay there till I'm let
out.
"That's all, Judge, pass down ycur
sentence."
"I'll have to fine yon flye dollars."
I paid the fine, and don't yon make
any mistakes about what followed.
I du9tedJont of that burg as fast as
the laws of locomotion would permit,
and the rent in my pantaloons justify.
After I was seated in the car the
conductor came around, took a survey
of me and wanted to know if I had
been in a walking match or a boiler ex
plosion.
When I reached home Mrs. Acker
met me in the hall with a broomstick
and screeched;
"Get out of here you dirty tramp 1"
and it was some time before she was
fully convinced that I was Nimble
Y ankee Acker, Esq.
HUMOROUS.
A bird raiter says that canaries can
be trained to sing airs as well as a hu
man being. If they can't be trained
to sing airs better than some human
beings 'twere better to allow them to
remain untrained.
A young man who had been going
with a Vermont girl for some time,
and he made her several presents,ask
ed her one day if she would accept a
puppy. He was awful mad when she
replied that her mother had told her
if he proposed to her to sav no.
An old Detroit justice of the peace
says that out of some 4,000 decisions
he has never yet rendered one that
has satisfied both parties. He has
finally got tired of trying.— Detroit
Free Press.
A disputatious Hiberniau who had
been contending that a mule was a
nobler animal than a horse, said that
a mule had once saved him from
drowning. 'How was that, Paddy?'
asked one of the bystanders. 'Faith,
he gave*me such a lick with his hind
leg that he landed me on the other
side o' thocanawl instead o' in it.'
The story comes from Paris that a
lady who attended four churches in
one day missed her umbrella on re
turning home. She immediately re
visited all four churches and found her
umbrella in the last one. When the
umbrella was handed to her she thank
fully said to the sexton: 'The people
at this church are much more honest
than those at the others.'
Sorakichi Against Six.
The Tale That is Told of his Skillful
Defence of his Queue.
Matsada Sorakichi, the noted Japan
ese wrestler, is a faithful attendant at
Sunday school, and goes every night to
the mission school in New York. He is
nut a declared Christian, but he wishes
to learn the language, and likes to be
where English is spoken. He is short
of stature, and iu his street dress gives
no indication of unusual strength, ex
cept that he has an extraordinary width
of chest. Several times,in going to the
mission from his lodgings in Walter St,
he has been hailed in disrespectful
terms by persons standing on the corn-
At first he took thesesatalutions as
complimentary, and smiled and bowed
politely in acknowledgement, but after
being a little in attendance at the miss
ion he learned that Pigtail and Flat
nose John are.'considered odious terms.
One Saturday night, as he was re
turning to his lodging, six young men
disposed themselyes across the sidewalk
so as to prevent his passing, called hiia
Flat-nose John, and told him that he
must either sing or fight. For a mo
ment the wrestler stood confused, and
he would haye stepped around the gang,
but one of them just tilted his hat over
his eves and attempted to catch hold of
his short queue.
There came a grand disillusion. So
rakichi says, as nearly as his speech can
be rendered: "Of course when dey is
try to take my tail,l is hit email."
The\japanese,who is quick as a cat,and
who can handle an ordinary man as a
mother does her baby, made short work
of it* For a moment the air thereabouts
was full of corner loafers, and then the
insulted champion,finding there was no
one cared to bear him sing,
passed on to his boarding house at 383
Walter street.
In about twenty minutes the defeated
six, with 1 a dozen of their friends, ap
peared in the hall below,and dared "the
Chinee" to come down. Sorakichi
would haye accepted the invitation,and
he started down the stairs "to hit them
all again," but his landlord, more yers
ed in the wass of New York, deterred
him,and taking a reyolver in one hand
and a kettle of hot water in the other,
went out ou the landing to parley. The
enemy clustered around the foot of the
stairs, and the landlord poured the hot
water over them, at the same time dis
charging several barrels of his revolver
against the wall. The enemy then
went away.— N. T. Sun.
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