THE MILMIEIM JOURNAL, PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY BY R>. A.. BUMILLER. Office ill the New Journal Building, Pen n St., near 11 art ma n V foundry. SI.OO PER ANNUM, IN ADVANCE, OR $1.26 IF NOT PAID IN ADVANCE. Acceptable Corrapoiitoco Solicited Address letters to MILMIEIM JOURNAL. BUSIXESS CA nDS. AHARTER, . Auctioneer, MILLHEIM, PA. DR. JOHN F. BARTER. Practical Dentist, office opposite the Methodist Church. MAIN STREET, MILLHEIM PA. D R I). H. MINGLE. Physician & Surgeon, Offilce on Main Street. MILLHEIM, PA J. SPRINGER, Fashionable Barber, Shop oppoisite the Millheim Banking House. MAIN STREET, MILLHEIM, PA. GEO. S. FRANK, Physician & Surgeon, RKBERSBURG, PA. Prolessional calls promptly answered. 3m D. H. Hastings. W. F. Reeder JJASTINGS & REEDER, Attornejs-al-Law, BELLEFONTE, PA. Office on Allegheny Street, two doors east of the office ocupied by the late firm of Yocum & Hastings. C. T. Alexander. C. M. Bower. Attorney-at-Laiv, BELLEFONTE, PA. Office in Garman's new building. Attorney-at-Law. BELLEFONTE, PA. Orphans' Court Business a*Speciality- C. HEINLE, Attorncy-at-Law BELLEFONTE, PA. Practices in all the courts of Centre county. Special attention to Collections. Consultations in German or English. J. A. Beaver. J - W. Gephart "GEAVER & GEPHART, Altorneys-at-Law, BELLEFONTE, PA. Office on Alleghany Street. North of High Street JGROC'KERLIOFF HOUSE, ALLEGHENY ST., BELLEFONTE, PA. C. G. McMILLEN, PROPRIETOR. Good Sample Room on First Floor. Free Buss to and from alt trains. Special rates to witnesses and jurors. QUMMINS HOUSE, Bisaop srztEEr, BELLEFONT, PA., EMANUEL BROWN, 1 PROPRIETOR. House newly refitted and refurnished. Ev erything done to make guests comfortable. Rates moderate. Patronage respectfully solici ted. 5-ly JRVIN HOUSE, (Most Central Jlotel in the city.) CORNER OF MAIN AND~JAY STREETS, LOCK HA YEN, PA. S.WOODS CALDWELL PROPRIETOR. Good Sample Rooms for Commercial Travel ers on first floor. QT. ELMO IIOTEL, AOS. 317 & 319 ARCH ST., PHILADELPHIA. RATESREDUCEDTOS2.OO PER DAY. The traveling public will still find at this Hotel the same libera! provision for their com fort. It is located in the immediate centres of business and places of amusement and the dif ferent Rail-Road depots, as well as all parts oi the city, are easily accessible by street Cars constantly passing the doors. It oilers special inducements to those visiting the city for busi ness or pleasure. Your patronage respectfully solicited. Jos. M.' Feger. Proprietor. JpEABODY HOTEL, 9thSt. South of Chestnut, PHILADELPHIA. One Square South of the New Post Office, one half Square from Walnut St. Theatre and in the very business centre of the city. On the American and European plans. Good rooms fiom 50cts to 53.00 per day. Remodel ed and newly furnished. W. PAINE, M. D., 48-l.v Owner & Proprietor, R. A. BUMILLER, E 'itor. VOL. 58. The Old Clock on the Stairs. Somewhat back from the village street, Stands the old fashioned country-seat: Across its antique portion Tall poplar trees their shadows throw: Ami from its station, in the hall. An ancient time pieoe says to all: "Forever—never' Never—tore ver!" Half-way up the stairs it stands. Ami points and herkqns vn(h its hands, From Its ca-e of massive oak, l.tke a monk, who (under his cloak) Crosses Idmself. and sighs. " Alas!" With sorrowful voice to all who pass; "Forever -never! Never—forever!" Ity day its voice is low and light; Hut In the silent dead of ulht. Distinct, as a p footstep's fall. It echoes along the vacant iiall— Along the ceiling—along the floor— And seems to say at each chamber door: "Forever—never! Never—forever!" In that mansion used to be Five hearted Hospitality: His preat tires ly the chimney roared: Tiie stranger feasted at his board: But, like the skeleton at the feast. The warning tune-piece ceased: "Forever—never! Never—forever!" Three groups of merry children played; Three Youths and maidens.dreaming.strayed O precious hours! O polden prime! And influence of love and time! Even as a miser counts ins pold. Those hours the precious time piece told '•Forever—never! Never—forever!" From that chamber, clothed in white. The brido came forth on her wedding ni tht, There, in that silent room, below. The dead lay in its shroud of snow; Ami in the hush that followed the prayer. Was heard the old clock on the stair: "Forever—never! Never—l'orever!" All are scattered now and fled; Some are married—some are dead: And when 1 ask. with throbs of pain. "Ah! when shall they all meet again. As in the days long since gone by ?" The ancient lime-piece m ikes reply: "Forever—never! Never—forever!" Never here—forever there— Where all parting, nam, and care. And death, and tune, shall disappear— Forever there—but never here! The horologe of eternity Nayeth tills incessantly: "Forever—never! N ever—forever!" A RIGHTEOUS RETRI BUTION. "Miriam Green, I atn astonished !" said Aunt Jane. "Oli, but, Aunt Jane, T couldn't help it T " said Miriam, laughing. But, at the same time, she colored very red, and luiug down her pretty head. There was no denying this offense. It was patent to all the world—ol. at least, to all that part of it who might happen to be on the edge of Raven Woods. There was Miriam Green up in the top of the old oak tree, which i eared its proud crest, an Absalom among its gold-leaved brelhern, iter curls all tan gled, her apron filled with treasures of dark-green mistletoe. There was Aunt Jane, standing in the little, open clear ing, with hands uplifted, eyes opened in the widest of disapproving glares, and sunbonnet fallen over back warn 011 her shoulders. "Your frock's all torn !" enunciated the old lady. "I can easily mend it again." "And your hair blown into a tau gle." "Oh, Aunt Jane, that is nothing !" pleaded Miriam. But the old lady would listen to 1.0 argument. "You were sixteen yesterday," said she. "You are old enough to know better. And you shall be made to know better ! I will punish you for this piece of inexcusable hoydenism 1" Miriam's blue eyes grew big. Surely Aunt Jane couldn't shake her, or shut her up in the garret with a page of "Watt's Hymns" to learn, or —worst alternative of all—put her on a short allowance of apple-pie at din ner. For pretty Miriam was still child e nongh to regard any of these occurren ces as a serious misfortune, and one greatly to be deprecated. But while she was yet in the agonies of apprehension, the question was de finitely determined by Aunt Jane's ad vancing to the foot of the oak-tree and pulling away the ladder that bad serv ed as a means to reach the fi st bough, a ragged mass of folliage some twenty feet up from the 100-IS. Below that, the trunk extended down as perpendic ular and free of side growth as a tele graph pole. "There I-'said Aunt Jane "since you were so anxious lo climb the tree after mistletoe, you may remain there and think it over at your leisure. I will come back this evening and put back the ladder." Miriam uttered a little cry. "Please, Aunt Jane, don't go off !" she appealed, "I'll never do so any more. Please forgive me, just this once 1" But Aunt Jane was inexorable. With slow majesty, she strode out of the opening and was gone, even while Miriam's piteous voice quivered on the air* There she sat perelied on a horizon tal bough, clinging to the taper-trunk of the tree, and swayed to and fro in the gentle October breizos. It had been a most fascinating position a few minutes ago ; now it was frightful and perilous in the extremest degiee. Was it an hour was it ten ? or pos MILLHEIM, PA., THURSDAY, APRIL 10., 1884. sihlv only fifteen minutes ? Like the Prismcr of Oiilliou our poor little cap tive had lost, all power of calculating tune. Bit just as the round sun lint) i like a ball or ornate 11 one above the western woods, there was the sound of quick footsteps crashing over fallen twigs and ct isp autumn leaves below. "It's John Font coming home from hunting," Miriam said to herself, with a quick breath. "Oh, I do hope he won't see me !" She shrunk close to the trunk of the tiee, and tried to seem as mucu like a big bunch of mistletoes as possible. But it was useless. John Ford's keen eyes were too well used to woodcraft and all pertaining Lo it, to overlook her. lie .-topped short at the entrance to the glade. '•Miriam Gn on !" he exclaimed. "Yes," said the girl, laughing a lit tle hysteiically. "Zaccheus he—" "And lam Zaccheus, and now I can't got down." "Oh !" said Mr. Ford. "The ladder fell, did it ?" "Y-yes," said Mirian, turning very red. "The ladder fell down." "I'll put it up for you," said F >rd. "Do !" said Miriam,laughing to her self, as she thought of Aunt Jane. lie swung the ladder promptly up against the trunk of the tree. "Now, it's all right," said he. "I'll just go oyer to see that the dogs haven't frightened Mrs. Morey's young turk eys, and wait for you outside the woods. In five minutes Miriam Green was by his sjde, rosy and breathless,still cling' ing to her apronful of mistletoe. "Oh, I am si much obliged to you !" said she, earnestly. "What will Aunt Jane sty ?" said Miriam, involuntaiily. "She'll be very much alinued, won't she ?" "No," confessed Miriam. "She that is—Oh, Mr. Ford, I can't deceive you about it !" And she told him all. "Of course, it wai very wrong to disobey her," she added, "Put—" "Jl/y poor little Miriam ! My sweet frightened darling !" crie-.l John Ford passing his strong arm around her waist. "She was a perfect dragooness to torment you s > 1" "But I belong to her," said the girl, innocently. "I have no other home but her house." "Then belong to me,henceforward," he said, teudeily looking down into her blue, Urnpi I eyes. "Surely, you cannot have filed to discover how deeply I love you ! llereaLer you are mine !" Miriam Gieen, young as she was, had often dreamed of the pathway in which love should come to her, but it had never seemed like this ! "But," she s'aminered, "what will your uncle say ?" "What should lie say ?" calmly le torted her lover. "Ford Court is mine. My uncle is only my beloved and honored guest. Besides, he loves me so genuinely that my happiness cannot but be his. And—But what is this V" They lad by Ibis time reached the solid stone wall which divided the grounds of Foul Court from the woods, and Iheie ptrclud upon its height—a feminine Styli'es-was Aunt J me, with a basket in her hand, half full of the barberries which she had gathered from tho huge bushe3 that made a seal let-dotted screen inside, while stretched prone on the grass at the foot oi the wall lay old Major Fold's monster bloodhound, Gelert. lIP looked around and wnggul his tail slowly at the sight of John, but did stir otherwise. "Aunt Jane," said Miriam, "what are you doing on top of the wall, there V" "J—l only wanted a few barberries to put in my cucumb .r pickles," stam mered Aunt Jane ready to burst into tears. "And—and I didn't suppose there was any harm in gathering them here. I've picked pecks and pecks of barbeiies off tlism very bushes and nobody said a word. And I was just reaching up for the finest, when up comes a cross old savage and asks me what I mean by stealing fruit, aad leaves me here with this horrid, snarl ing brute to watch me—just as if I was a tramp—while lie goes for a constable! I never was so treated in rny life ! And, the more I try to jump off, the more the dog shows Ins teeth at me, and giowls. He'd tear ran in pieces if I stirred a foot in any direction, I do believe "My Unc'e Ford," whispered John to Miriam. "lie is a positive mono maniac on the subject of fruit thieves ? The park bristles with man-traps, and there is a dog chained under every ap ple tree .in ilie premises. But it's 100 bad that lie should have taken vour auut for one of the village purloiners ! Gelert ? co.oe here this instant sir ! [ assure you, Miss Green" (to* Aunt Jane, who between her fatigue was on A PAPER FOB THE HOME CIRCLE the verge of fainting.) "my uncle will be the BIOS' gi loved of any one, when he learns what a inisappiehetiaion be lias been laboring under. Allow me to help yon down. Take care— don't spill the barberries !" "Dear Aunt Jane I" soothed Miriam, receiving the old lady in her arms, "how Lightened you must have been 1" "Oh, Miriam, forgive me !" sobbed the old ladv behind her sunbonnet. "1 •—I didn't know how dreadful it was, or I never, never would li ive pulled the ladder down and left you there 1 It's a righteous retribution 011 me, that's what it is !" "Oh, aunty, don't fret about that said Miriam, radiantly. "It's all right now. Mr. Ford came along and put up the 1 tdder again, and—and I'm engag ed to be married to him ! Don't look so surprised. Aunt Jane ! I know I've told it in a jeiky sort of way, but it all happened as naturally as possible. Didn't it, John ?" And then followed congratulations and explanations and finally the bum ble apologies of Major Ford, a testy old gentleman of sixty odd years who just then arrived 0:1 the scene, accompa nied by the village constable. "I'm suie I beg a thousand pardons!" said Major Ford. 'But how was I to know ? I'm \ stranger in these parts; you know, and half the fruit-trees were stripped last night," And Aunt Jane received his acknow ledgement in frigid silence. "A lady is a lady," she said to her niece, afterward," even if she has climbed 011 a stone-wall to gather bar bel ries ! And no one but a semi bar barian could mistake her for anything e!s" !" And Miriam Green was too happy in her own new bora felicity to argue the questions with her auut. Varieties of Beggars. Each city has its own style. The Venetian child is noted for persistence in simple asking with a whine. The Florentine has quite as great staying quantities, with a more artistic whine and more eloquence in his tone, and can show sores to better advantage than the others. The Florentine is an artistic vagabond who begs by rule. He makes no mistakes. He is got up with special reference to begging, and he is as keen at it as a Wall street broker is at his trade lie looks hun gry, he acts hungry, he shivers as naturally as though he was perishing with cold,and when you pass by with out responding to his appeal he looks at you with reproachful eyes half full of tears, as though you had commit ted the unpardonablesin of which he was the victim. The Roman beggar attempts to wheedle you out of a copper by sheer, good-natured impudence. He will commence with a whine of famine,but being looked squarely in the face will abandon the role of the starving suff erer and take 011 that of the buffoon, lie will limp and whine for a minute and then burst out into a laugh and then turn a handspring. He follows you as long as either of the others, and is quite as annoying, but lie does it in a different way. The Roman beggar lias, it must be confessed, a certain financial ability which cannot be too much admired. He never begs of an Italian, for he knows it avail him nothing, the etiquette being as it was in the old days of highway robbery in England, the highwayman never stopping one of his profession. The farthest they go in this with each other is, the beg gar will come into a resturant where an Italian is taking an econom ical breakfast 011 coffee and bread,and modestly ask for what sugar he does not use in his coffee.ln restaurants so many lumps of sugar arc given for each portion of coffee, and it is the regular thing to put any surplus there may be in the pocket. As this is inconvenient the good-natured man will give the extra lumps to the for tunate beggar who may happen in at the right time. Two or three lumps of sugar is quite a find for these pick crs-up of unconsidered trifles, and by haunting the cafes all the morning, and from 4 in the afternoon a very fair living is obtained. Not the horsehe wanted.—Tiie Mich igan man who counted the number of grains of wheat in a quart measure and then competed in a prize guess of a De troit clothing firm for a fine horse, was disappointed when lie found that the prize was only a clothes-horse. He lias brought suit to recover the value of a live animal. A CONGRESSMAN'S EARLY LIFE. There is a member of the present Cou giefH,representing a district in Califor nia whose early life was spised with more 1 angeroiiA expei fences than fall to the lt <>f most mortals He began life by being born in Ar kansas ; and lie possessed for a father one of those ideal squatters of that ear ly day, whom Colonel Faulkner, in his "ArKansaw Traveler," his impressed up in the mind of the country. Of course, when this embryo Con gressman was born, he and bis mother had to have the dry corner of the cab in ; while llie old man limited coons, played Uio fiddle, and slept under the leaks. However, if water was scarce in this corner, milk was plenty ; ai.d be thriv ed and soon got big enough to crawl over on the old man's side of the house, and knock blazes out of the tildla with the fire shovel. For this he got thrashed—and the fight became general -resulting in the fattier getting licked by tlm aroused fe male of that palatial residence in tie ten-acre clearing of the Commonwealth of Arkansas. This n Rurally made the proud spirit ed pioneer sulky ; and hanging up the demoralized fiddle, he took down his Did rifle and strode away into the deep forest for a "b'ar," or a "catermount," or something lie could manage—taking with liiin seven of the dogs, and Lav ing a large, fierce one to guard tiie cab in and help the wife tackle any prowl ing enemy that might lnppan along. It was a wise pre,tut 101, without which that particular Congressional District in California, mentioned a bove, would to-day be represented by another man. Tiutt afternoon, about three o'clock, the future statssm*n crawled out at the cabin door,into the bright sunshine and laughed and crowed, while bis mother was working indoors and the dog lay asleep by the asli hopper. A panther which had approached the clearing, saw the child ; and creeping nearer and nearer, it suddeniy pounced upon the baby, and, seizing it by the shoulder, turned to fly. Of course the youngster supposed it was some more than fiddle business, and lie sq lulled lustily, startling both iiis mother and the d<>g. True to Arkansas principles,that dog buckled in on the panther, quicker than afl 311, and closed < n its throat. lie had fought tiiis kind of animal before, and he knew just where to take hold. Dropping the child, which was not hurt, the panther made a fierce fight with the d >g. and was just on the point of gaining the masteiy, when the wo man rushed out with the gun, and, b< j ing rather used to such business,stuck the muzzle behind that panther's shoulder, pulLd the trigger, and the powder did the re3t. That Arkansas family bad a dead panther 011 their hands,but a live baby, when the grateful father returned with a lot of coons and other gamp, and joy and peace again reigned. But killing panthers and other game that way, soon made life too tame in that locality ; and our Congressman's parents, with all their dogs, moved up on the Missouri river, near where Kansas City now stands. This new location afforded anotlißr luxury—catfis"—which may account for the aforesaid Congressman being a little fishy in politics. Aside from this, life did not so much differ from the old home. Tlicy lived by that huge, treacher ous Missouri and the old man kept a dug-out of the largest size. It was well he had the boat —for one night they woke up and thought they could feel the cabin shake, and the wa ter splashed against it ; and two min utes afterward the father had wade I out waist deep In water to where the boat was chained to a tree. Hastily returning to the cabin door, he placed his wife and four year old boy in it,and vigorously paddled for high land through the timbsr. In ten minutes moic the log cabin had plunged into the whirling, muddy waters, that were sweeping everything before tliern. It was the same old story of the treachery of that river. Suddenly ris ing, it had cut its way through, back of the cabin, and, uwdeimining the soil,had swept tiie entire clearing away, witli hundreds of of heayy limber A narrow escape for the gentleman from California. Homeless, and with only three dags for a fiesli start in life, our restless pioneer struck out for the Far West, and eventually drove down in the mountain regions, near the headquart ers of the Arkansas river. It was beautiful summer when he stopped and built bis cabin ; it was beautiful white winter when he turned his back on it, with his little five year old boy in his arms, and wintered in a Terms, SI.OO per Year, in Advance. cave. This was the saddest episode ot all his rugged life. The father had gone hunting up 01 the mountain side, where he could look down and see his little cabin nicely sheltered in a nook under the cliff. Silently the snow be gan to fall, hard and (lne as sand, and so fast and thick that it shut out every view, and forced the hunter to take refuge in a caye, which lie had pre viously found and prepared for emer gencies. Here the continual fall of snow forc ed him to remain for two days,in dread suspense as to the fate of his wife and child. On the third day he found the storm abated, but saw to his horror that the snow bad been blown from the moun tain, and had drifted in the valley, un til no vestige of his cabin could be seen above its white surface. As the mountain sides were almost hare of snow, he hastily descended and began the search for his little home. At last lie saw an opening in the snow, which was the chimney-top of the cabin. Through it he quickly de scended, and saw a sight that froze his heart. The poor heroine of that lone cottage, the wife and mother,had strip ped the bed ai.a herself of clothing to save tho life of her child ; and there lay the little fellow, a'l bundled up id a ball of clothing, asleep ; while on the bed lay the mother—asleep, too—the sl< ep that knows no waking. The father dug a grave beneath the dirt tl )or of the cabin, buried his wife and, taking the boy, went back to the cave, where there was plenty of fuel and food, and remained until spring. When the weather once more grew warm, he wandered away, with the restless spiiit of the pioneer. Then the gold fever struck him, and he ru3heu to California ; and then the camp feyer struck him, and he passed >n his checks— leaving an orphan who lias fought his way through to Con gress. "I will now remark to dis club," said Brother Gardner, as he opened the meeting, "dat de Hon. Jawback Johnson, of Opelika, has arrove. He reached Detroit two days ago on de roof of a freight car,an' in a somewhat carnivorous condition, an' as he knocked on de doali of my cabin at midnight I looked frew de winder an' put on a pa'r o ? brass knuckles afore I dared step out an' ax his name an' bizness. I has filled him up wid meat an' later, lent him a clean shirt dat buttons behind an' a suit of cloze, an' I would furder remark dat he 'pears to be a pusson of transparent intelli igence an' resplendid polish. Let us listen to him wid anxus interest and careless observashun." The committee on reception then donned their white gloves and claw hammer coats and disappeared in search of the stranger. Thcv found him shivering with stage-fright in the ante-room,and it was only after Give adam Jones had threatened to loosen the top of his head that lie consented to enter the hall. Once in he braced up, however, and after reaching the platform and swallowing three pep permint drops and a glass of water he seemed to recover his native confi dence and to forget that one end of his collar was loose and sawing awav at his chin. I lis dissertation, which lasted near ly an hour, began by showing the ad vantages of truth, then after wrestling with the evils of ambition, the necess ity of economy, he struggled with the disagreeable subject of industry,caus ing many a scowl on the faces of his auditors, and concluded as follows: "I thank you with consummate air ncstness for de skillful manner in which you have evaded your attention to my cubersomc remarks, an' I hope dat de seed thus sown on stony ground may sprout up an' yield sev enty-five bushels to do acre. When the speaker had been escort ed from the hall Brother Gardner said: "De man who dares to pint out our faults am a friend, an' let us receive his criticisms as such. If I should diskiver dat any of you war' lyin' in wait inde alley to slug the Hon. Jaw back Johnson as a reward of merit it un very probable dat de orator wouldn't be de only man hurt. We will now abdicate." A rolling stone gathers no moss, but a rolling-pin in the right hands will garner considerable hair. NO. 15- The Limo-Kiln Club. (Detroit Free i'ren.) NEWSPAPER LAWS. If subscribers orcler the discontinuation Of new#pp rs. the imolishers may continue to send Them until ail arrearages are paid. if suDsorlbers refuse or neglect to take their newspapers from the offlee to which they are sent they are held responsible until they have settled the bills ai d ordered them discontinued. If subscribers move toother places without 'n forming the publisher, and the newspapers are sent to the former place, they are resnoublble. ADVERTramoltAras. " 1 wk. 1 mo. | 3 mos. 6nm 1 yea 1 square *2 on tlno | $5 no $ t>oo $8(0 M " "00 10 00 1500 3000 4000 1 " 1000 15 00 1 2500 4500 75 00 One inch makes a square. Administrators' and Executors' Notices $2.50. Transient adver. tiaement* end locals 10 cents per line for first ins mion and o cents per line for each addition al insertion. HUmOBOIIS. A colored individual who went down on the slippery flags at the corn er of Woodward auenue and Congress street scrambled up and backed out in to the street and took a long look to wards the roof of the nearest building. "You fell from that third-story win dow!" remorked a pedestrian who had witnessed the tumble. "Boss, I be lieves yer!" was the prompt reply; "but what puzzles me am de queshun of how I got up dar an' why I was leanin' out ob de winder!"— Detroit Free Press. She Renewed. One of the Detroit sanitary police was the other day wandering over a box-full of dead cats in an alley off Sey entli street, when he beard oaths and yells and the sounds of conflict in a a bouse near by. As he enteied, tne yard, a man and a woman burst open the side door and rolled down the steps on a heap, kicking and clawing with right good will. 44 What's the trouble here?" asked the officer, as he pulled them apart. "There, I'm glad yoa happened a long!" exclaimed the man, as he jump ed up. 44 The old woman and me have had a despute for the last fifteen years as to when Christopher Columbus dis covered America. Maybe you know." "It was in 1492," replied the* officer. "Just what I said—just the date I had!" cried the husband, as he danced around. "Now then, old woman, will goti give up?" "Neverl" "You won't?" "Not an inch! I said 1490, and I had your neck across the edge of the step! We agreed not to bite or scratch and I prefer to renew the conflict rather than take a stranger's figures! come in the house!" The officer waited at the gate until lie heard two chairs smashed down and a dozen yells, and then he resumed his rounds with a growing conviction that Columbus would ultimately be two years ahead in that house. An Ornament to the Profession. • A student applied the other day to oi.e of the district courts for admission * to practice. An examination committee of one was appointed by the Judge to ascertain his qualifications. The exam ination began with: 44 D0 you smoke, sir?" "I do, sir!" "Have you a spare cigar?" 44 Yes." "Now sir, what i$ the first duty of a lawyer?" "To collect fees." "Right. What is the second?" "To iucrease the number of his cli ents." > "When does your position toward your client change?" 44 When making a bill of costs." 44 Explain." 44 We are then antagonistic. I as sume the character of plaintiff and he becomes the defendant." 44 A suit decided, how do you stand with the lawyer conducting the other side?" 4l C!ieek by jowl*" "Enough,sir. you promise to become an ornament to your profession, and I wish you success, Now.are you aware of the duty you owe me?" 44 Perfectly." 4 Describe it." "It is to invite you to drink." "But suppose I decline?" Cai didate scratches his head. 4 'There is no instance of the kind on record in the books." 44 You are right; and the confidence with which you make the assertion shows you have lead the law attentive ly. Let's take a drink, and I'll sign your certificate." How Alligators Eat. An alligator's throat is an animated sewer. Everything which lodges in his open mouth goes down. He is a lazy dog, and, instead of hunting fcr something to eat, he lets his yituals hunt for him. That is, he lies with his great mouth open, apparently dead, like the 'possum. Soon a big bug crawls into it, then aJly, then several gnats, and a colony of mosquitoes. The alli gator don't close his mouth yet. He is waiting for a whole drove of things. He does his eating by wholesale. A little lizard will cool himself under the shadow of the upper jaw. Then a few frogs will hop up to catch the mosqui toes. Then more mosquitoes and gnats light on the frogs. Finally a whole village of insects and reptiles settle down for an afternoon picnic. Then all at once there is an earthquake. The big jaw falls, the alligator slyly blinks one e) e, gulps down the entire menag erie, and opens his great front Jdoor a giiiu for more visitors.