THE MILLHEIM JOURNAL, PriILIHHKI) KVEKY Till'US PAY BY Deininger & Bumiller. Office in the New Journal Building, Penn St., near Hart man's foundry. SI.OO PER ANNUM, IN ADVANCE, OR $1.25 IF NOT PAID IN ADVANCE. Acceptable Correspondence Solicited. Address letters to Miluisim Journal. BE KIND. As stars upon the tranquil sea In mimic glory shiue. So words ofKtndiiess In the heart Reflect the source divine; t)h then lie kind, whe'er tlton art. That breathest mortal breath. And it shall brighten all thy life, And sweeten even death. THY WILL BE DONE. Our troubles lade, hut leave their trace; And years of toil and care. With lines of sorrow mar the face, That onoe was fair, OhTVeuJd that we could feel and know That grief is sunt In Love. To wean our heartsTro® earth below, To 'iod above. Oh! would that we could understand, """* 1 Then calm would follow strife. Oh! would our eyes could see the Hand, That guides our life, For then our feet would chose the way, That now we strive to shun ; And full of praise, our hearts would prav, "Thy will be done." WINTER. The sun In dreary splendor. Is lingering in the West; A gloomy weight of lee and snow Is on the water's breast. The daisies and the butter cups Are in their frozen lied, All cheerless iu the meadow. With sheets of white o'erspread. Long lines of loaf-tike snow-banks, Long lilies of leafless trees Streten out along the roadside. Where all tbiugs seem to freeze. The woodman's axe cleur ringing; The crackling of the frost; The cold air keemy stinging; The leaves with pearls euibossscd, Remind us that a tyrant Has gained a regal throne; His touch, like death, is chilling; His heart is like a stone. Yet 'round the fireside gathered, Our homelike joys complete; We heed not wintry hours, Orooont them all too fleet. A Generation of Vipers. The other day, while the Rev. Mr. Mulkittle was traveling on a railroad just completed through a hitherto "un opened-to-t he-world" section of Arkan sas, a man wearing high top boots and a long "yaller" jeans coat, sat down by him and attempted to engage the good man in conversation. There is a great deal of the Englishman in Mr. Mul kittlt's character. He would travel all day and never throw off the cloak of severe reserve if allowed to do so, and when the roughly dressed man sat down by him he moved uneasily in his seat, The man noted this sign with something of encouragement, • and when he smiled the curved Hues on his cheeks made his mouth look as though it wf re set in parenthesis. "How far are you goin'?"asked the man. Again Mr. Mulkittle moyed uneasi ly and pretended to devote himself to a newspaper. "I ask,cap'u,howfurair you goin'?" "I know what you ask, sir. lam not feeling very well to-day, and with your kind permission I prefer to be left alone." "I reckiu so. Whar did you git 011?" "None of your business." "Pears to me like'it is my business," and placed a rude hand on Mr. Mul kittle's shoulder, he said, "You air my prisoner." 4 Don't cut no scallops with me,cap'n. You think I don't know you, but you air mistaken. I've been layin' for you for some time." "What have I done?" demanded Mr. Mulkittle, attempting to rise. "Set down sir. You know what you've done. If-you've forgot, why thefoiksat Hickory Flat will remind you." "I was never in Hickory Flat in my life, sir." "1 expected you to kick, cap'n. You didn't come thar last month an' beat Col. Mainly outen a watch eh?" "Never saw Col. Mainly in my life. Make these people sit down. J don't want a crowd around me." "Didn't beat old man 'Lias Gregg outen two weeks' board, oh 110. Oh, I know you, Nick Payton. Here's a man who lives in the Flat. Here, Mr. Morgan, who is this teller?" Mr. Morgan, after a,moment's scrut iny, replied; "That's liira," and after rubbing his spectacles, added: "I swar ter it. He wanted ter git board at my house, but I turned him away, 'cause why? His clothes were too sleek. I like a straight-for'ard man, but when a feller comes arouu' with a 'spicious eye and sleek duds I let liirn slide." "Gentlemen," said Mr. Mulkittle, becomiug aroused to a true sense of his unenviable position, "I am sorry that you so misjudge me. I have no doubt but that some rascal has imposed upon you, and I assure ypu that no one soon er than I would assist you in bringing liirn to justice, but I am innocent. 1 am a minister of the gospel, and live in Little Hock. If you will stop at the station and let me send a telegram to the Governer of the State, he will i dentify me as the Rev. Mulkittle, pas tor of St. Simon church." "The next station is Hickory Flat," replied the officer, "an we will tillygraf from thar. Ef your name is what you say it is, you may go." The train soon reached the station, and the minister, followed by a crowd, sought the telegraph office. AW&sd DEININGER & BUMILLER, Editors and Proprietors. VOL. 58. "How will this do?" said Mr. Mul kittle. "Have arrested a man for one Nick Payton. Says that his name is the Rev. Mulkittle. Do you know him? Now," continued tho minister, "Sign your name to this and send it." The officer thoroughly satisfied with tho arrangement, afiixed his signature and handed tho message to the operat or. A few moments afterwards the dispatch was received in Little Rock as follows.* i "Have arrested a man for Nick Pey ton. Says that his name is Robert Mulkmil'.er. Do you know him?" Mr. Mulkittle waited impatiently but confidently. After awhile tho ope rator anotmced that the dispatch was at hand, and he wrote tho following: "Don't know-the man, but think he is wanted here. IIoUI him until officers from hero arrive." Mr. Mulkittle groaned, and sank upon a bench. Tho crowd gathered a round and commented on his appear ance. "Bad lookitt' man," said old Driver, the blacksmith. 4 Dangerous eye an'a mighty bad mouth." "Wouldn't trust him ten steps," said old Morgan, "Whar's old Gregg an' his darter? They can indentifv him." A messenger was sent for Gregg and the young lady who had been so shame fully treated. When the girl saw Mr. , Mulkittle, she screamed and threw her arms around him. "Oh Nick don't try to disguise your self. Oh, why did you run away from me? Promise that you will luarry mo now." "Lookout, Miss; look out," gasped Mr. Mulkittle, trying to shove her a way. "You are certainly a very im proper young woman. Don't make yourself so ridiculous. I never saw you before." 44 You kaint say that and tell the truth, man. I don't mind so much that board bill he ows me, gentlemen, but I'll be blamed ef any man shall tamper with the 'fections of that gal thai*. A tender harted critter as e%er lived, slier is,an'this man has pizened her life. She won't never be happy without hiiu, eii' I ax you all ef you are goin' to let a man come into the community an' de stroy the happiness of a a lkely gal? 1 wander know ef yer wont see this wrong righted? 1 ax ef you won't all jine in an' make him marry this heart broken gal?" Here the girl pressed Mr. Mulkittle's bead against her excited self and wept oyer him. 44 Look out young woman," he exclaim ed, treeing himself. "I nev er saw such an improper person. Gen tlemen, I have a wife aud three chil dren at home, which, aside from the fact that I never saw the bold young woman before, much less made over tures to her, would place me beyond any possible matrimonial alliance." "He's tellin' a lie," shouted old Gregg,"fur he told us he was a wid ower. Go fetch the license somebody, an'we'll make him marry, no matter if the Govcrner does want him*" "Gentlemen," implored the minister, 44 Do not act in a manner so rash." "I'll git the license," exclaimed old Gregg, and he started off on a trot. He soon returned with the papers and a circuit rider. "Take your place thar," said the old man. The girl seized Mr. Mulkittle and attempted to drag him. "Great God! this won't do. Con found the telegraph w ires; there must have been a terrible mistake. Give me one more chance, gentlemen. Send one more dispatch." They agreed and he wrote: "Governor, I am arrested here by mistake for a man named Nick Payton. Please say who I am. Mulkittle." In a few minutes the reply came; "First dispatch received wrong. Mulkittle is one of our best known preachers. Liberate him at once." "That settles it," said the officer. "You ken go." "Oh, ye Generation of vipers," said the minister, as he stood on the rear platform of a train which fortunately came along. "I have piayed for the world's redemption, but I shall eyer make an exception of this infernal place. Oh ye generation of vipers!" Open Windows. A very large quantity of fresh air is spoiled and rendered foul by the act of breathing. A man spoils not less than a gallon every minute. In eight hours' breathing, a full-grown man spoils as much fresh air as seventeen throe bush el sacks could hold! If he were shut up iu a room seven feet broad, seven feet long, and seven feet high, the door and windows fitting so tightly that no air could pass through, he would die, poisoned by his own breath, in a very few hours; in twenty-four hours he would have spoiled all the air contained in the room and have converted it into poison! Reader, when you rise to mor row morning, just go out of doois for five minutes, and observe carefully tha freshness of the air. Than air is in that state in which God keeps it for breathing. Then come back suddenly into your close room, and your senses will tell you how far the air iu your room is from a wholesome condition. An Epioode of tho Battloot Gettys burg. Midway between tho contending lines, says the Now York Star, was a solitary tree that in peaceful times had given shade to the harvest hands at their nooning. Early in the morning some Confederate sharp shooters had crawled out to this tree, and were able to reckon their game at every shot. So destructive, in fact, did their tire be come, that the wildest imprecations were shouted at them by tho Federals, and threats were made that if taken they would get no quarter. All at once there came a lull in thefning from that part of tho line. A Confederate was seen to rise up from the base of the tree and to advance toward tho Federals with his hand raised. Shots were fired at him, but there was curi osity at his approach, and the word was, "Wait till we see what he wants to do." Some thought he had a mind to desert, and. encouiaged him with shouts of "Come over, Johnny 1 we won't fiie." But if the Confederate spoke, what V said could not be heard in the din of the cannonading and rnus etry. Forward still tie came, and all eyes were strained to see what it could be that he meant to do. It might be merely a trick to deceive. Suddenly the Confederate dropped upon the grass. The next instant a thrill of en thusiasm passed throuch the Federals, murmurs of admiration were heard, and then a clhn* as hearty as if given in a charge, bhrst forth from their throats ; and the cheer repeated, in creasing in volume, proved that unsel fish actions are possible, and that there are noble hearts to appreciate and re spond. The Confederate sharpshooter, who had been doing his best to destroy his antagonist, had observed in front of him a wounded Federal, lying helpless ly on the ground between the two lines, and begging in his agonizing thirst for a drink ; and,at the almost certain risk o* losing his own life, he had gone for ward to give comfort to the distressed enemy. This it was that caused tfie Federal cheer, and for a few minutes stopped the work of death in that neighborhood. When the sharpshoot er had performed his act of mercy he hastened back to the tree ; and with the warning cry, "Down, Yanks, wehe going to fire !" the little, unpreinedit i ted truce was ended and was soon for gotten in the grand event that followed almost immediately after. The next day—the Fourth of July— a heap of Confederates was found un der that tree. Whether the heroof the day before was one of the ghastly dead, will probably never be known. About Women. Woman is the Masterpiece.— Confu cius. lie that takes a wife take care. - Herder. Woman is the crown of creation.— Franklin. Women teach ns repose, civility and dignity.— Voltaire. All that I am my mother made me. John Quincy Adams. No man can either live piously or die righteous with out having a wife.— Bidder. The sweetest thing in this life is the unclouded welcome of a wife.— N. P. Willis. All the reasonings of man are not worth one sentiment of women.— Vol taire. Women are a new race, recreated since the world received Christianity. —Beecher. But one tiling on earth is better than the wife, that is the mother.— Leopold Tchefer. Woman is born for love, and it is impossible to turn her from it.—Mar garet Fuller Ossolt. Woman is the Sunday of man ; not his repose only, bnt his joy, and the salt of his life.— Midielct. A man with a silver-plated, double back-action coin holder, says the Fran,s ville Argus, came into the sanctum, the other day, and commenced explain ing the beauties of the article for hold ing silver halves, etc., and he had gotten half through before he found he was in a printing office. When he saw his mistake he went to the door, sadly opened it, and kicked himself clear down stairs. The difference between a besotted man and a pig is a slight one at best. One is hunting grog and the other a granting hog. MILLTIEIM, IA., THURSDAY, JANUARY 3., 1884. A PAPER FOR THE HOME CIRCLE A Boy's Battle for Life While Captain Johnson, of Clinch county, Georgia, was helping a party of twenty-five or thirty men haul for trout m a mill- pond the other day, his little son, Joseph, hud a most thrilling experience. Master Joseph cariied a bag, or corn sack, in which to deposit the fish when caught. When loaded with as many as he could cany,he took them out and made a Uepasit and re turned for mire, I a making one of these trips while wading through wa ter about three feet deep some distance from the fishermen, a monster alliga tor, said to be of unusual siz,rosa sud denly right at the boy and seized him by the thigh. A desperate struggle en sued-the boy battled for his life and llie alligator for his prey. It so hap pened that the bag, which hung by the boy's side, was caught in tho alligator's mouth with the thigh, and it proved a sort of shield—lessoning greatly the incisions made by the brute's te6tb, and thus, perhaps, preventing a shock to his nervous system which might have made him succumb without the struggle which saved him his life. By an effort—one of those superhuman ef forts which come to men when only facing death—the boy tore his bleeding flesh from the alligator's jaws. The monster, grimly held to the sack a mo ment with tho delusion, perhaps, that lie still had his prey, affording the boy an opportunity to escape. He had hardly extricated himself from tho jaws of death before the fish ermen, alarmed by tho struggle, were at hand, and another battle ensued. Thirty men, armed with gigs, poles, Docket knives, and such other instru ments of war as were near at hand, charged upon the monster. Being in three feet of water,the 'gator had con siderable advaniage.hut those men had their bLod up and were not to be out done. They poled, aud punched, and harpooned him until the brute was al most outdone, when one of the party made bold to seize him by the tail. This was a signal for a general assault. In less time than it would toko to toll it a number of the more daring had him by the tail and legs. There were too many of them far tho 'gator to slap around with his. tail, a peculiar mode of 'gator warfare, and he had to give up the fight. A harpoon was plunged into his mouth and then it was safe to approach him with pocket knives. Bion his head was sev ered from his body, and tho victorious party marched out of the pond with the monster's head on a po!e. It Will Com 3 Back to You. You have a father ? You have a mother ? You love them. But once in a while you grow impatieut, and the weakness of your nature crops out ; it wreaks itself on innocent father and mother, perhaps, and they suffer the punishment of a word called up by au other's annoyance. The hard word is spoken. It may be regretted, forgiven and forgot,but it cau never be recalled. Father and mother will sigh and for give, but— Some day it will come back to yon. Yesterday, maybe, a little one ran up to you smilingly,and with the iuno cent, heaven-born confidence of child hood, clappiug its little hands, that would not harm a fly, in your face. The childish action delighted its au thor, but it annoyed you. You were busy and reproved the little one. Two pearly tears stood in her great blue eyes, her hps faltered, and she turned away from you. The era of childhood, with its happy fleeting hours,will,erase the unkind word, but— Some day it will come back to you. A beggar stands at your door. The rain is dashing in torrents through the black atmosphere of the night, and the sharp vivid lightings only intensify by their violent contrast the awfulness of the darkness. The beggar's plea for shelter is puncluated by the blast that howls forth its anger, and you turn your brother off. This will come back to you some day. If you are impatient,testy,ill-humor ed, spiteful, malicious, cowardly and mean, your whole life will be a con stant reckoning with evil actions whose enormity is only equalled by the in creased wickedness of the future. A bad heart is a boomerang of passions, whose evil consequences always fall on the head of their luckless author. On the other hand, all good deeds work in a similar way with the rules that gov ern promises and seclusions, causes and effects ; if either good or bad, the re sults will be in conformity with the nature of the deed. Your bad deeds and good deeds are juries that sit upon the destiny of your life and decide the verdict of happiness or despair. Some day they will come br.ck to you.— Exchange. How a Union Soldier Made a Fiddle. It was at the 44 Brandy Station Vir ginia in the winter of 1803—01, says the WestlMd (Mass.) 7Vim, that Geo. M. Colt, Company (', Second Ver mont Volunteers, proposed to make the cheer-giving instrument; and with a hatchet, jack knife, file, and a piece of junk buttle at his only toil, ho cut a piece of maple from a stump that grew on the bank of the Rappahannock River, set to work. The back and the sides of the fiddle are of one piece—a rcijular dujout. The top is of hemlock taken from a Ixix which brought some Goalies from their friends in \ r armount. The bow is of maple. The keys were made from the horns o r fl tome Confedr rat cattle that fell into our hands and were devoured by our carnivorous sol diery so that the poor brutes contribut ed to our mental as well ;vs physical welfare. The hairs were pulled from the tail of the Colonel's horse, who was fond of music and never raised a foot in resistance. It is said he even signified his witness to furnish enough of his hoofs for glue, but that was found elsewhere, and the instrument was completed, and in the hands of a modern Paqanini who rose for the oc casion, gave forth its soul-stirring strains. It conjured up staq dances serenaded headquarters, and was ad mired and cherished by t lie officers and mer. of the Green Mountain 1 toys. The rest must be left to imagination, as far as its army record is concerned. Suffice it is to say it was honorably discharged, and has been the heroof several occasions since the war, receiv ing the first premium at the Vermont State Fair. Rnde as is its origin, its tone is remarkably sweet and especially in the rendering of Old John Jiroicn and other airs that were offsprings of tho war, which seem to revive in the memory of the exciting scenes of its early existance. Its maker and owner still lives, though he received wounds after the production of his instrument that have nearly disabled him for ac tive duty. The Miseries Of A Moan Man. Sometimes 1 wonder what a man thinks about when he goes to bed, when he turns out the light and lies down, when the darkness closes in about him and he is alone, and com pelled to be honest with himself. And not a bright thought, not a generous impulse, not a manly act, not a word of blessing, not a grateful look, comes to bless him again. Notapennj dropped into the outstretched palm of poverty, nor the palm of a loving word dropped into an aching heart; no sunbeam of encouragemont cast upon a struggling life; the strong arm of fellowship reach ed out to help some fallen man to his feet—when none of these things come to him as tho God bless you of the de parted dny, how he must hate himself. Ilow he must try to roll away from himself and sleep on the other side of the bed. When the only victory, he can think of is some mean victory in which he has wronged a neighbor, No wonder he always sneei*3 when he tries to smile. Ilow fair and pute and good all the rest of the world must look to him, and how cheerless and dusty and dreary must his own path appear. Why, even one lone, insolated act of meanness is enough to scatter cracker crumbs in the bed of the average ordi nary man, and what must be the feel ings of a man whose whole life is given up to mean acts? When their is so much suffering and heartache and mis ery in the world, anyhow wny should you add one pound of wikedness oi\sad ness to the general burden? Don't be mean, my boy. Suffer injustice a thousand times rather than comm it it once.— Burdettc. WIIOOPIXG COUGH.— Dr. Garth, of Vienna, proposes a singular treatment for this distressing ailmeut, which will doubtless receive careful consideration from the medical profession. He states that by placing twenty drops of the oil of turpentine 011 a handkerchief, hold ing it before the face, and taking about forty deep inspirations, to be repeated thrice daily, marked relief, succeeded in cases of laryngeal catarrh by speedy cure, is tho result. Being called in to attend an infant of fifteen months in the convulsive stage, he instructed the child's mother to hold a cloth moisten ed as already described, before it when awake, and to drop the oil upon its pil low when it slept. In this instance the remedy in its effect was most beneficial The frequency and severity of the at tacks sensibly decreased in the course of twenty-four hours, and by proper support by tho help of stimulants, im provement was rapid. Patrick saw a bull pawing in afield, and thought what fun it would be to catch him by the horns and rub his nose in the dirt. The idea was so funnv that lie laid down and laughed to think of it. The more he thought of it, the funnier it seemed, and he determined to do it. Taurus quickly tossed him over the fence. Pat leis urely picked himself up, with the con solatory remark: "Will, it's a mighty foin thing I had my laugh foorst." Terms, SI.OO per Year, in Advance. A FLORIDA CRACKER. Riding Away From Blood-thirsty Indiana on a Snow. "Talkiu' about Ingius, let ti)o tell you about a narrercr escape I had once from the blanic-takcd tilings than the one I told you about afore. Hit hap pened along in 1537, when I was tollab ly young and spry and had just fettled in this country. ' I had a tight smart little cleatin' of forty acres, had just married Sal Jennings- an' a likely young gal she was, too—an' we settled down to farmiu'. We had a snug little log Iotise of two rooms, a good barn and crib, a bunch of cattle that I had ' arned wot kin 1 out, lots of chickens an' a long, gaunt, ungainly sow that Sal's folkt s had giu her when we got mar ried. "This hero sow was the ornaiiest lookin' animile that ever 1 seed. She was nigh onto six feet long and not much fatter than a gallon of pump wa ter. Jler years had been cut off clost to Iter bead an' her tail was jest a hard stump that you could hang a bucket on when you went to the spring arter wa ter; but she had more solid hard sense than any saw I've ever seed afore or since. We called her Lot, bekase my woman, who was well lant an' had nearly a hull Bible, 'lowed it was goin' to take a heap ot salt to pack her a way when we got outen meat an' de cided to k:ll her. She was a sort oT pet, too, fed around the house gineraly; al ius cam.© to the door aiter tier bucket of slops at night, an' no matter where she'd happen to be she'd come right up when we hollereJ or whistled for her. She seemed to understand every word I said to her an' was a heap of use to us, for she kept the house clar of in sects. She'd come in the house just at°r dinner and lay down on the fl >ot with her mouth ojen, as if she was a sleep like, and the ants, flies and fleas would all crowd in, an' then she'd shut her inoutli up clost and that crowd of visitors was gone up. Then she'd turn arouud an' wink her eye at rae, too! Yes, sir; actlily wink Jier eye at me! I've seed her do hit many a time. I * I sot a heap of store by that there sow an' alius treated her kindly, an' tilt time I'm telliu' you about my narref escape she sated my life. 1 'One night, after we'd all gone to bed, my woman was takeu poweiful bad with some sort of m#se;y in the stomach. I tried all the doctor truck I had in the house, but hit didn't do no good, so I concluded I'd best go to the store at the ferry an' git a dose o' puke for her. 1 kuowed that if she could git a good chance of vomitiu' she'd be all right, so I saddled my creetur an' put out for the store, which was nigh four teen mile 3 off. I got ther' about ten o' clock, got the medicine an' started for home fast as I could go, I te'l you, young man, hit was sort of resky to leave yer wife all alone that way an' ride twenty-eight miles through the woods on a dark night, but in them days we often had to do hit. Well, I rode along jest as fast as I could, an* when I got in sight of the house I saw hit was all dark, but that didn't troub le me much, for I thought the light 'ud fire had gin out, an' my wife was too sick to put more on or raought be better an' gone to sleep. Jest as I got about half way to the barn my mule give a snort and jumped to one side, nigh ilirowin' meoater the saddle. I sburred her to make her go on, an'— vim! came a shot an' she fell right un der me, shot through the head. Oh, Lordy, nay heart went up in my swal low, for there was an awful yell an' my house blazed right up. I was all in a trimble an' didn't know which way to turn. Ikn owed my wife must be dead an' so I made for the swamp with the red devils a chasin' and yeilin' at me. •'Jest as 1 got to the edge of the swamp I heaid a grunt an' there riz up that ole sow, Lot. Then the good lord must have put the thought in me, an' I jumped on her back, scrooch in' migh ty close along tier backbone an' a-hold in' ou to her shoulder-blades, with ray feet sorter clinched uuder her belly. That ole sow seemed to know 'zactly what to do. She just buckled down to hit and into the swamp we went. Tire lugius chased us about six miles, but Lot could outrun 'em and they had to give it up. 4 'l gathered up my wife's bones, what 1 could find of 'em, au' buried 'em right over thar where you see that little hill, and then I went to buntin' an' trappin' and killiri' of logins fer a livin'. I built another little cabin— this one you're in now—an'gradually got another farm again, ray own work' cookiu' an' all. 1 expect to live an, die here, fer I'm gittin' too old to trav el much now." In all ages there are some great truths abroad in the air ; they consti tute the intellectual atmosphere of the century. NO. 1. NEWSPAPER LAWS. If Rtilwei-lbprs order the dlseoiitUmntlon of l#\kAMi|kPfß. Lite mylMiftfr ■< nlay *©npu®e to <mmH 11Mtit all inwit tmid. If mibiiciibrrf h'fuw or neglect fotak# their no simpers liom Uie tißlcato which they are sent they are heM lOKpuusltile until Uu'Y havescUled tne bills at d ordered them discontinued. If sutwcrlticrp move toother places without In forming the ptttilifllor, and the ncwspirpers are senttoThefofmerftlaoe, they are fesoomdble.- - "iSrußinfflNOKXiiar 1 wk.< 1 mo. | ,11nos. G mo*. 1 year 1 square * 2 (|i *l ® * atw *6 00 $ 8 Oti lieoliiinu 4on r.nil loot 1600 18 00 % 7On 1H 1600 30® .4©® 1 " 10® 15 0# I 26® 46® 76® flue Inch makes a square. Administrator*' and Executors Notices Transient adver tisements and locals 10 cents per line for first insei Hon and 6 cents jwr line for each addition al insertion. HUMOROUS. HE COULD SYMPATHIZE wrrnHnr— ' /• <' > Theophilus Wiggleton could crawl out through a smaller hole than any other man in fown; I mean by that, that he could shirk responsibility and expe eially creep away from paying his honest debts. In this latter respect he was both slipi>ery and brazen. Here is a case directly to the point. Homer Harvey was known as one of the best-natnred and most accom modating tailors. He had entered the name of Theophikis Wiggleton in Ws books believing him to be what he would appear to be, —worth money; and under tl*at impression he had made for him two suits of clothes of the fin est cloth ; after that he had furnished him with a third suit, for fear of los ing what was already due should he irritate the man by refusing him. And now Harvey wanted his money. He wanted it very much. The bill a inounted to little more than SIOO, and the debtor had many times promised that in a very few days the lftoney should le forthcoming. One bright summer's day the tailor met this delinquent customer, and caught him by the sleeve. "Wiggleton, my dear man, can you let me have the amount of my bilf a gainst you this morning ?" * •*()! ho! ht>! It's you, my dear old fellow! How are you?" And he gave him a handgrasp that was warm and hearty. "Say, Harvey, are you pressed ? I)o you owe anybody that ought to be paid at once ?" , From the look of Wiggleten's eye, as lie gave a sidelong glance from it, the tailor believed, if he should own to lieing in debt to others, that the fel low would retort that it was very un principled of him tt> press him for mo ney. So he answered in the negative. "No," he said, "I don't owe; and I don't mean to if I can help it." "Aha!—good, good I" eried Theo philus gladlv. "If you are owing no- Ivvly, of course you cannot need mo ney: At all event*, you don't need it one-half so much as I do; for lam in debt. But don't worry, Harvey. It shall come some time." The tailor turned away in disgust, and in partial despair. The next time he asked the man for money he wouldn't give him such a hole through which to crawl away. The next time came. Harvey met his man at the hotel bar. "Ah, Wiggleton! You are just the man I have been wishing to see. Can you make it convenient to pay that little bill to-day ?" "My dear Harvey, are yon really in need ?" "I am; desperately so!" ' • Merey 1 You don't owe anybody else money, do you !" "I do; I owe a large sum !" "Aha ! Good, good!" graspingtho tailor's hand. "Now, my dear fellow, you can sympathize with me. We're both in the same IK>X. But don't let us fret. We'll keep our shoulder to the wheel—keep our courage up, my boy, and we'll come out all right. Never fear. Have a drink !" Mark Lemon once said it is with narrow-©ouled people as with narrow necked bottles—the less they have in them the more noise they make in get ting it out. A Western editor, in response to a subscriber, who grumbles that his morning pa]>cr was intolerably damp, says "that is because there is so much due on it." "I am afraid, dear wife, that while I am gone, absence will conquer love." "Oh, never fear, dear husband—the longer you stay away the better I shall like you." A Lowell man has a wife of such a changeable disposition that he says he loves her some days enough to eat her up, and the next day he wishes to graeious he had. .. A man asked for admission to a show for half-price, as he had but one eye. But the manager told him it would take him twice as long to see the show as it would anybody else, and charged him double. "There is nothing like settling down," said the retired merchant, con fidentially, to his neighbor. "When I gave up business I settled down and found that I had quite a comfortable fortune. If I had settled up I should not have had a cent."
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers