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"MITJjIIEIM JOURNAL. H
Siinsliino over the meadows vi to
Where ihe bo s human il in iho clovoi
And sunshine filling the hly cups
Till every one brimmed over,
Sunshine over the lmzy h.lls,
And over the dimpling river,
And I wished the sun and the summer iluy
Might shine and la-t lot ever.
We turned aside in the river path,
The highway haunts forsaking.
For the quiet of the willowed nooks
Seemed belter for our love-making.
My love was silent, and i was shy,
And my thoughts were each a rover,
Of that sweetest of all summer days
That ever the sun shono over.
We heard the biiiL in the willows green
As they |danned their little dwelling.
And what tho robin sang to his mate
Was too sweet for uiy poor words' telling.
It seemed, as wo walked down the river l*ank (
My love and 1 together,
That at last the world was in perfect tune
In the glad, bright summer weather -
1 cannot tell what I said to her,
As we catue to the field ol clover,
I only know that the robins merrily sang
His sweetest ol sweet songs over.
And though 1 know not the words she said.
For whether she spoke at all,
That day I count among summer days
As the sweetest one ol ull.
Kbcn E. Rexford Baldwin's Monthly'
The early history of Califrrnia anil
Nevada was filled with tragic deeds.
From the spring of 1850 until h ng af
ter the "Washoe excitement, tho entire
Pacific coast north of Lower Califor
nia was filled with wild and ndvmtnr
ous spirits, till searching alter gold.
Every mining camp of any note had
its ronghs, all well armed, well drilled
in the use of weapons, and as reckless
of life .as any bandit whoever cit a
throat These dare-devils were fre
quently employed by mining compa
nies to drive off miners and hold
mining property, in order to save the
trouble of appealing to the courts to
adjust their difficulties.
The writer arrived in the wild'
mining town of Aurora, Nevada, in
the spring of 1562, when the "Wide
West" and "Real del Monte" mines
were at war over supposed valuable
mining ground. Each company, act
ing upon the claim that might make s
right, imported from Washoe a lot of
the most villainous and reckless roughs
to be found in Nevada. After a num.
ber of lights between the two factions
em j loved by the Wide West owners on
the one side, and the Real del Monte
on the other, the adjustment of the
disputed ground was finally left to the
courts, and the roughs, being thrown
out of employment in their legitimate
business of throat-cutting, went to
work at a trade which, one of them
said, would pay better—highway rob
bery. After robbing a number of
persons, four of the worst
murdered and robbed, in the public
streets of Aurora, a kind hearted old
man by the name of Johnson, who had
fed them in his hotel without receiv
ing any pay. The names of the inur"
derers were Masterson, Daily, Buckley,
and Three-fingered .Jack. The four
ssassins, after doing their bloody
work, left town at once, and started
for Mono Lake, all well mounted, and
each heavily armed. The sheriff, Mr
Francis, with about ten picked men
well armed, started in hot pursuit.-
The cut-throats were overtaken the
second day out, about twenty iniles
south of Mono Lake, Inyo county, in
he lava beds of that volcanic country.
They were surrounded and captured
without a shot being fired. Sheriff
Francis, one of the bravest and coolest
men in Nevada, was asked the next
day, when he brought his prisoners in
town, heavily ironed:
"How did you do it ?"
He ansivered in his quiet way:
"We had the drop on them. They
knew we were thar; and, when we
covered 'em with ten Sharp's rifles, I
said: 'Boys, throw up your hands,' and
they did it quick as lightning. When
I was putting the handcuffs on Three
lingered Jack, he laughed and said;
•Francis, old man, you did it mighty
The following day a vigilance com
mittee of about seven hundred men
was organized, well armed and ready
for work. A large, solid scaffold was
hastily erected on the sidehill above the
jail where tne murderers were con
fined. Promptly at twelve o'clock, on
the fourth day after the murder, a
little band of about thirty picked men,
headed by Captain Palmer, commander
of the vigilante forces, with a twelve
pounder loaded with grape and scrap
iron, marched down in front of the
Sheriff Francis, cool and deliberate,
with about half a dozen picked depu
ties, each armed with a Sharp's rifle,
stood in front of the jail door.
Captain Palmer, as he drew up his
little force in front, said, as he raised
"Sheriff Francis, I demand from you
four murderers, whom you hold a s
Ihe ItUtimm Journal.
DEININGER & BUMILLER, Editors and Proprietors.
"Rv what authority do you claim
these men ?" asked Slieri IT Francis.
Captain Palmer, in a clear voice
which rang out loudly, answered:
"In the name of the vigilantes."
"Then, by the authority in me
vested, as sheriff of the county, I re
fuse to give them up," quietly but
lirmly answered sherilT Francis.
Captain Palmer deliberately drew
his watch frem his pocket, and looking
steadily at the minute hand, said:
"Mr. SherilT, 1 will give you just tivo
minutes to retire from the front ol that
jail with your deputies; il you stand
there one second over the live minutes,
1 will blow you, your deputies, and the j
front of the jail to destruction."
He held his watch steadily in on o
hand, and with the other lighted a fuse
and hehl it over the cannon. For
about four minutes it wat still as
death—not a man on either side moved. ;
Palmer and Francis stood facing each
other about ten feet apart; their faces
were white as marble, but not a inus- !
ele moved. Both no n were giants in :
stature, and brave as lions. But the
sacrifice of one of those lives for the
four cut-throats was too much, and
Francis waved his lian 1, and his depu ;
ties stood one side, and he walked up .
to Captain Palmer and handed him !
his ritle. After the sherilT and his
deputies were put under guard, the
four murderers were taken from their
cells and led upon the scaffold.
They were blindfolded, and a noose
hastily placed about their necks. Mas
terson stood on the left, a large, pow
erful man, about forty years old; next
to him, on the right, stood Paily, a
man of medium size, about thirty years
old, a miserable wretch who stated in i
jail, just before he was hanged, that he j
had killed two persons besides John- ,
son, and one of them was a child.
Three-lingered Jack stoo l on Daily's
right; lie was a man of small stature i
about thirty-live years old, dark com.
plexion, and black, piercing eyes. He
looked truly the bandit that he was.
Buckley stood on the extreme right ; !
he was a small, slender vouth, of about
twenty vears. lie asked to have the .
bandage taken from his eyes. It was :
done, and lie wrote a few words to his :
mother, and handing it to a friend,
said, with a smile to the executioner:
"Now 1 am ready; you can cut the
Masterson and Buckley died bravely,
but Daily and Three-lingered Jack died
like cowardly curs. Both attempted ;
suicide on the scaffold. Daily swal- j
lowed arsenic, while Three-lingered
Jack suddenly drew a derringer pistol
from his boot leg, and putting it to his
head, drew the trigger. But it snapped.
He threw it on the scaffold, and uttered
a wild cry, saying:
"I must die like a dog !"
In less than half an hour after the
four men were taken from their cells
over six hundred men, armed with
repeating ritlcs, surrounded the gallows
in close order, to prevent any attempt,
ed rescue of the prisoners, as it was
said a large force of roughs were corn
ing from "Washoe to save the culprits.
Captain Palmer gave the signal to the
four executioners by waving his sward.
At that signal a <;un was fired on the
opposite hill, and the four murderers
were launched into eternity.—Argo
A Long Day.
Free from the oppressive dictation
of a guide-book, we wandered far into
Dalecarlia, Sweden, wherever the
picturesqueness of people or landscape
led us, regardless of the conventional!"
ties of travel. The long days of mid
summer, with no darkness and little
twilight, followed one another like a
succession of day-dreams, for no arbi
trary nature drove us to bed or sum
moned us to rise. At midnight we
were sometimes working on sunset
color studies or sitting at the window
reading. We starte I for our day's
walk au hour atter supper, sleeping
when we were sleepy, and eating when
we were hungry. How long a man
accustomed to a lower latitude could
endure the dissipation of this irregu
lar life we did not, discover, for our ex
periment was not long enough to lix
the limit of our endurance. For a
while, at least, it was an agreeable
change, and we looked forward to dark
nights with no unpleasant anticipation.
There came continually to mind the
complaint of the thrifty New England
housewife, who, although rising at
dawn, and continuing her work by eve
ning candle-light, never thinks her
day half long enough for the hundred
duties that are crowded into it. But
the Dalecarlian farmer doubtless finds
his working hours as many as human
nature can endure, for he is obliged in
this short season to make up for the
long and dark winter, when candles
are lighted in the middle of the after,
noon, and the cattle do not leave the
barns for months. The farm-boy
hitches up the horses to harrow at ten
o'clock in the evening; toward mid
night the carts laden with hay rumble
along the village streets, and there ur 0
sounds *of life all night long. Even
(he birds scarcely know when to cease
singing, and their twitter may bo
heard far into the evening.
IVIIAT ALL HALF BELIEVE.
Tlir I'o|)ii liir St, |t< rat it lon* t liii< Some
how Iter |i Alive.
There is something remarkable and
not flattering to human sagacity in the
tenacity of old superstitions. It is a
usual thing for intelligent persors to
declare that they are not superstitious'
the declaration being coupled with a
self-satisfied air that proclaims their
belief that they are a notch above their
fellows. Yet these same persons like
to see the new moon over their right
shoulders, and regard the incident with
especial satisfaction if they happen to
have silver in their pockets. Maybe
they are adverse to starting on a jour
ney on a Friday or to beginning an
important piece of work on that un_
lucky day. They will carefully pick
up pins if the right end lies toward
them and as carefully avoid them if
the wrong end is nearest. Other per"
sons who srorn the lucky moon and
unlucky Friday superstitions have a
peculiar regard for the magical num
ber seven, or any number which may
be divided by seven or added so as to
form seven. They prefer to live in a
house which is numbered seven, with
seven steps. If the house is the
seventh in the row, and there are seven
members in the family, the charm is
complete. The seventh hour of the
day, the seventh day of the week, the
seventh month of the year, are by
them regarded as esj ecially lucky.
Others have a spicial aversion to the
number thirteen. The finding of
buttons is by some considered a lucky
omen. < >ther persons are superstitious
as to dreams, and still others as to the
wearing of certain charms or amulets
to ward off disease. Thus, a horse
chestnut in the pocket is considered a
safeguard against rheumatism, and a
string of peculiar sea-beans will carry
a child safely through the diseases in
cident to teething. Peacock's feathers
are unlucky; the howling dog foretells
disaster to his master's household, and
to pass betwecv the carriages of a
funeral procession is a portentous
omen. To meet a colored person, a
cross-eyed woman or a white horse be
tokens good or bad luck as the case
may be. In fact, the most trilling
things in life may be conjured into
Perhaps one of the oldest supersti
tions, and one that smacks somewhat
of sorcery, is the belief in the divining
rod. This rod, or twig, is thought to
enable certain gifted persons todiscov.
er certain hidden springs of wat r.
Reliable persons declare that they have
seen the roil successfu ly used in search
of water, the twig often turning so
quickly in the hand as to break it in
two. What seems remarkable is that
the rod never turns exept where the
water is concealed. There have been
many attempts to explain this mys.
tery. Some believers claim that the
wand is inspired, others that the rod
is only an index, and that the phvsica'
sensations of the searcher communi*
cate themselves to the wand. The
most sensible solution is that of Para*
melle, who wrote on methods for dis.
covering wells. lie concluded that
the wand turns in the hands of certain
individuals of peculiar temperament,
and that it is very much a matter of
chance whether there are or are in t
wells in the places where it turns
The twig was also used in ancient
times to point out where stolen goods
were concealed, to answer questions a
la planchette, and to indicate crimes
and criminals. A Bible suspended
like a pendulum lias been thought in
some parts of rural England to serve
the same purpose. The credulous say
that the wide distribution of these and
other popular superstitions is proof
that there is something in them. In
the meantime houses go on being
haunted; ghosts Continue to appear;
tables to tip; chairs to move without
the aid of visible hands, and the peri
odical resurrection of half-forgotten
bodies is unceasing, notwithstanding
the declaration of the average nine
teenth century man and woman that
they at least are not superstitious.
The Prairie Farmer calls attention
to the fact that several kinds of hard
wood lumber are gradually coming
into use, which a few years ago were
unnoticed. Beech is one of them. It
is cheap and abundant, while the more
popular hardwoods are becoming com.
paratively scarce and consequently
high-priced. Beech has a fine grain, is
quite durable, and is used in the manu
facture of school and church furniture,
chairs, and to a certain extent in fur
niture. The red variety has a hand
some appearance, and can he made to
MILLIIKI.M, PA., THURSDAY, (KTORKIt 25,
A PAPER FOR THE HOME CIRCLE.
litomiu TIIE ISTHMUS.
I'll*. IHi tlritt Tom ii oh lltr Continent— A
Trip *n Ilir I'niiamn Kitllroml Work
on tlir Canal.
"Three days of tho Caribbean sea,"
writes a correspondent, "and tho next
sunriso reveals the dark green mount
ain range of the isthmus, and a few
hours later the engines give their last
throb beside the dock at Aspinwall.
A few years ago the plaeo hail 800
population; it now claims ten times
that number. Tho great canal has
given it a wonderful impetus. The
French arc there by the thousand, and
other nationalities are drifting in for
the benefit of tradeand barter. Build
ings are springing up at every band
and rent at fabulous prices. Residents
admit that it is the dirtiest town on the
Western continent Tho stranger's
first impression is that it would bo a
good tiling to turn the hose on it—and
on a very large percentage of the peo
ple, too. Tho better classes live in a
suburban section, knopm as the 'Beach
road.' This runs beside the shore, and
tho houses, whitewashed and of a light
frame construction, face upon it. Their
inmates see little of the filth and tlegra
tion of the town, and certainly need
not wish to. An English resident
said: 'Oh, this isn't a very bad place,
you know. There are not many deaths
among tho whites.* This statement
may be true, yet it is not surprising.
No respectable person would care to
die in Aspinwall If lie could get any
other place on the face of this earth to
make li is start into eternity.
"The Panama railroad runs south
east forty-seven miles, fruin Aspinwall
to Panama, winding among hills, with
some appalling curves. It wrecks a
freight tiain or two daily, and it has a
ticket system which wrecks the mind
and reasoning faculties of the stranger
In God's country (otherwise known as
the United States) your fare is cheaper
if you take a through ticket. Here
they charge $25 for a through ticket
for forty-seven miles—that is, if you
are a stranger. But if you are a resi
dent, and it makes no difference
whether you go Unlay or next year,
you can secure a ticket for about $lO
Even this figure may be bettered. A
gentleman who came down on a steam
er, and was conversant with the pecu
liarities of this most peculiar ticket
system purchased a ticket for a part
of tho distance for SO. He left the
train at the midway station to attend
to a business matter, and the following
day paid only $2 for the remaining
distance. The scenery along the road
is attractive. The operators along the
canal are in view at many points from
the car windows for the route of the
canal traverses very closely the line of
the railroad. The dredging machines
are deepening the Chagres river
which will be utilized for a considerable
distance. The landscape is dotted with
the white stakes placed by the survey
ing parties. Gangs of workmen are
eating into a hillside at one point ; at
another filling up a gulch. A con.
ductor pointed out a spot where there
are to be forty-two acres of tilling to a
height of from thirty to sixty feet. It
seems an anomaly to run a canal on
the top of an embankment, but it wilj
be not an uncommon thing on many
parts of the line. From the train
there is a panorama of beautiful tropi
cal scenery. The foliage is luxuriant,
and strange trees and flowering shrubs
meet tho eye everywhere. The cocoa
i nut palm, the orange, lemon, pineapple,
banana and similar growths become
familiar sights. Beside the road are
frequent groups of native huts of a
single story, earthern floors, and roofs
thatched with palm leaves. The
natives, of mixed Indian and negro
blood, are of a brown hue, and rather
undersized. Their clothing is in the
interest of economy. The men are
! satisfied with white cotton shirts and
breeches and broad straw hat. The
women find most comfort in a single
white cotton garment, always in immi
nent danger of falling clear to the
ground from the shoulders, which are
not half covered. With the little
children this danger is often a reality*
Industry does not burden any of these
people. A day's labor furnishes for a
week such simple food as they require
beyond what nature yields tliein free of
Rustic New England in Old England
While in England I caught a man
in Windsor Forest who spoke to me in
I the intonations of rustic New Eng
land. lie was simply of the old stock,
! and was speaking in the old tongue
they brought over with them to Bos
| ton. It is going home to the old nest
1 it is finding the old steadfast human
heart and life; it is face matching face
and eye matching eye and footstep
matching footstep across the gulf of
200 years. For we all go home who
cross the sea and find out afresh how
one day may he to us also as a thous
and years, and a thousand years as one
day, so deep a d sure are the roots of
this grand old life of the English
speaking rac Q.— Robert Collyer.
HOW CHINA'S EMPEROR LIVES.
Til* Itoy %VHo la Honored aa n Superior
llrlim, ami Ilia llonir-
The ruler of tlio 250,000,000 people
of which the Chinese nation probably
consists is now within five years of his
majority (the age of eighteen years
and is an occupant, while yet a minor
of the same apartments in which lived
the emperor who preceded him on tho
Dragon throne. There, says tho
North China 11* raid, ho eats with
gold-tipped chopsticks of ivory. There
he sleeps on a large Ningpo
richly carved and ornamented with
ivory and gold—the same on which the
noble-minded emperors Kang Ilsi and
Cliien Lung used to recline after the
day's fatigue last century and tho cen
Like one of those living Buddhas
who may he seen in a lamasery on the
Mongolian plateau, he is knelt to by all
his attendants and honored as a god
The seclusion in which he is kept is
far more complete than that of the
g'xls. The building in which the em
peror resides is called Vang Hsin Tien,
and is a little to the west of the Ch'ien
Ch'ing Men in the middle of the pal"
ace. At tho back of tho central gate
on the south side, is the great recej>-
tiou hall. When ministers of stat e
and others enter tor audience, at four
five or six in the morning, according
to custom, they have to go on foot to
the centre of the palace over half a
mile, if tney enter by the east or wes
gate; and when they get on in years
they can appreciate the emperor's fa.
vor, which then by a decree allows
them to be borne in a chair instead <q
The rooms of the emperor consist
of seven compartments. They are pro
vide I with tli • divan or k'ang, the pe
culiar institution of north China. The
k'augs are covered with red fe't of na.
tive manufacture, and the floor with
European carpets. The cushions all
have embroidered on them the dragon
and tho plnenix. Pretty things scat,
tered through the rooms are endless in
variety, and are changed in accordance
with any wish expressed by the emper
The rooms are in all thirty yard 3
long by from eight to nine yards deep j
and are divided into three separate
apartments, the throne room being the
middle one. Folding doors ten feet in
height open into each of these apart,
incuts to the north and south iu the
centre of each. The upper part of
these doors is in open work iu which
various auspicious characters and flow
ers arc carved. These doors remain
open even in winter, because during
that season a thick embroidered cur
tain of damask is hung in the doorway*
which by its weight keeps its place
close to the door-posts and prevents
cold air from entering.
In summer this is replaced by a cur
tain admitting the breeze on account
of being made of very thin strips of
baiftboo. The silk threads used in
sewing the strips of bamboo together
are of various colors, and passing
through the whole texture of the cur
tain from top to bottom are very agree
able to the eye. These summer and
winter curtains aro rolled up to give
air to the rooms when required. The
lloppo who lately returned from Can
ton gave the emperor a present valued
at SBOOO. It consisted of chandeliers
holding 500 wax candles each. His
majesty had .also some electrical ma.
chines and numberless foreign curiosi
The emperor was vaccinated when an
infant, before his high destiny
was thought of, otherwise it would have
been difficult to vaccinate him, for, bis
person being sacred when emperor, no
lancet can touch him. llis mother,
the Princess of Ch'un, goes in to see
him once a month and kneels when she
first speaks to him, but rises
afterwards. His father does so too.
The emperor studies Chinese daily for
an hour and a half, and Manchu also
for an hour and a half. He spends
two hours in archery and riding and in
in winter amuses himself with sledging.
He has a little brother of tive, whom it
may be hoped the mother takes with
her when she goes to the palace. The
teachers who instruct him kneel to him
on entering, but afterwards sit. The
emperor has eight eunuchs, who con
stantly attend him, besides an indefinite
number for special occasions. Ho ha s
his meals alone and the eight eunuchs
wait round him, restraining him if he
takes too much of any one thing. His
school-room is at the back of the Yang
Ilsin Tien, already described, and the
hall for conference each morning with
ministers is a little to the east.
Food of Ani 111:1 Is.
Linnaeus states the cow to eat
plants and to refuse 218 ; the goat eats
440 and declines 126 ; the sheep take,.
oS7 and rejects 141 ; .the horse takes
262 and avoids 212 ; but the hog,
more nice in its provision than any of
the former eats but 72 plants, and re
Terms, SIOO Per Year in Advance.
I'EAIiI.S or THOUGHT.
Enjoy what you have, hope for what
Man has destiny beyond the attain"
montof inert* wealth.
Tho cause of our grandeur may be
! come that of our ruiu. '
It is not tho money earned, but what
he saves, that makes a man wealthy.
Flattery is false money, which would
not he current were it not for our van
Honesty is inseparable from the
character of a thoroughbred gentU
Good is never more effectually per.
formed than when it is produced by
| slow degrees.
i Beauty in women is like the flowers
in the spring, but virtue is like the
stars of heaven.
The prodigal robs his heir, the misei
robs himself. The middle way is, jus
tice to ourselves and others.
Give to a wounded heart seclusion.
Neither consolation or reason ever ef
fect anything in such a case.
The time fur debate is when we
have become masters, not while we are
students, and the wisest of masters are
tho.-e who debate least,
i What man is there whom coutacl
with a great soul will not exalt? A
drop of water upon the petal of a lotus
glistens with the splendor of the pearl
Wrong-doing is a road that may
j open fair, but it leads to trouble and
danger. Well-doing, however rough
ami thorny at first, surely leads to
| pleasant places.
In Ills Element.
They met on tho crowded avenue in
, front of the city hall. One was a
young man of about twenty-two, tho
other a man about sixty years old.
One lives in the northern part of the
state, the other in the southern. Fate
had brought them together. There
was nothing cordial iu their meeting
They didn't cry out "Put it thar!" and
pump-handle each other like a couple
of old friends. On the contrary, the
young man grew red in the face and
breathed hard and stammered out:
"Ten years ago 1 went to school to
"Yes, you did!*' was tho calm reply.
"And one day you li< ked me almost
to death for an offence committed by
"Well, you were always in need of a
"And I swore," continued the young
man, "aye, 1 registered a vow, that if
ever I met you after I had grown up I
would have my revenge! Prepare to
be pounded to a lifeless mass!"
"I'm prepared," replied the old
schoolmaster, as he spit on his hands,
i and in a minute the fun was raging.
The young man rushed upon him with
a war-whoop, hut his nose struck some
thing and he fell down. He got up
and rushed again, and this time he
was Hung down, rolled over, stepped
on and left with a number of loose
teeth and a splitting headache. The
police took him in, but when they
came to hunt for the old man lie was
across the street trying to pin up a
rent in his coat and saying to some of
"Ah! it brings back all the memo
ries of the old red school-house to get
my hands on an unruly pupil in the
first reader class again!"
Good Manners at Home.
The following twelve rules for the
preservation of good manners at home
are worth memorizing:
Bang every door in the house, and
raise a hinge every time you can; it's
so pleasant to those about you.
Stamp, jump and run all over the
house and split everybody's ears with
a cat like yawp every time you can
gather sufficient wind.
If you desire the prosence of those
in the next room, yell at them. Don't
go to them quietly, it might surprise
Never speak kindly to anybody-
They might not recognize your voice.
When told not to do a thing, see to
it that you disobey. It will make peo
ple think you are smart and impress
them with your importance.
Tell of your inimitable cuteness and
deeds of goodness and valor, recito the
faults of others.
Never enter a house with boots or
shoes free from mud or snow.
Never get to the dinner table until
the eleventh hour. It makes the ser
j vants love you when you are gone.
Always go to the table with your
hair disheveled and your hands dirty.
Always chip in conversation where
you have no business. It looks big in
the eyes of fools.
Reserve your good manners for
strangers, and give your friends chin
I Make a confident of every idle ear,
and give your mother the shake,
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A Baby's Death.
Die little hand that never sought
I: irth'a piizo*, worthless all as sands,
What gilt has death, God s servant brought
Tho little hands?
We ask; l>ut love self-silent stands,
Love, that lend eyes and winps to thought
To starch where death's dim heaven expands.
Ere this perchance, though love know nanght,
Flowers fill thorn, grown iu lovelier lands,
Where hands of guiding angels caught
'Die little hands.
When tho head of the family acci
dentally backs into a tub of hot water
he can be said to be pa-boiled.
It must not be supposed that the
members of a brass band are all truth
tellers because they have no lyres.
Mary had a lilt la bang,
Its color was immense;
Now Mary's heart is truly sad,
For bangs are on the fence.
The young men who are on the
lookout for a "soft place," through dis
like for honest, hard work, can find
one—under their hats.
One of the saddest sights in these
hard times is to see a woman with a
five-foot husband trying to alter his
pants to fit her six-foot son.
"Pa, what is a fool?" "A fool, my
son, is a man who tickles the hind leg
of a mule." "Does he ever find it
out, pa?" "No, my son; he never has
A bright girl, born and raised in
Virginia, saw a church covered with
vines, and remarked: "That's what I
used to be." "What's that?" inquired
her obtuse escort. "A Virginia creep
er, of course."
"I tell you," said the bad boy, confi
dently, to a group of youthful friends,
"my mother may seem small—don't
believe she'd weigh more than 1 do, in
her stocking feet— but her slipper is
heavy, though, you bet!"
" 'Tis ever the way of the foolish
fair to die for the one who does not
care," sings Ella Wheeler. Yes, Ella
and it is often the same way with the
big brothers of the foolish fair. Week
after week tliey go down to the barber
shop and "dye for the one that doea
not care." Such is life.
A bright little girl was sent to get
some eggs, and on her way back stum
bled and fell, making sad havoc with
the contents of her basket. "Won't
you catch it when you get home,
though!" exclaimed her companion.
'Xo, indeed, I won't," she answered.
"I have got a grandmother."
Young lady (just from boarding
school, at dinner table) —"Please, papa,
I'd like a leg of the roast chicken."
Papa—"You have had one, my dear,
and your brother had the other."
Young lady (in a sprightly manner)
—"Oh. sure enough! a chicken has
onlv two legs. It's a duck that has
Hoaxes as a rule are hateful things
which exhibit malicionf "".ess rather
than the intellect of their perpetrators-
A writer in a recent magazine mentions
two conspicuous for their malignity:
A young couple about to be married
at the synagogue in Birmingham were
startled by the delivery of a telegram
from London running:
"Stop marriage at once. His wife
and children have arrived in London
and will come on to Birmingham."
The bride fainted ; the bridegroom
protested against being summarily pro
vided with a wife and family, but had
to make the best of his way, a single
man still, through an exasperated
crowd, full of sympathy for the wrong
ed girl. Her friends found upon in
quiry that they had been duped—prob
ably by a revengeful rival of the man
whose happiness had been so unex*?
A more curious and more malignant
hoax—for the perpetration of which
the author, if discovored, would have
been branded with infamy—was prac
ticed, apparently "for the fun of the
thing," upon a Parisian lady whose
husband had gone to China on busi
ness. One day she received a letter*
dated from Old China street, Canton.
"Madame," said the writer, "I have
to announce a mournful event. Your
husband, taken prisoner by Malay
pirates, has been burned alive and his
bones calcined to powder. I have been
able to procure but a few pinches of
this powder, which I enclose."
As she opened the box, a strange
idea came into the head of the distract
ed widow; and sending for some snuff
she mixed the powder with it, piously
determined to inhale all that remained
of her lost spouse. The first pinch,
however, brought on such violent
bleeding, that a doctor had to be called
in; but the lady died in a few hours,
shortly before the arrival of a letter
from her husband, proving that the
story of his capture and calcination
was the cruel invention of some un