PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY IN MUSSEirS BUILDING, Corner nl nnd Penn Bt., at SI.OO PER ANNUM, IN ADVANCE; Or $1.36 it Dot paid in adviaoa. Actable CorrespoßisDce Solicited. all letters to "MILI.IIEIM JOURNAL." A Poor Han's Wealth. A poor man ! Yea; 1 must confess— No wealth of gold do 1 po-eoss; No pastures lido, with grazing k no, Nor lields- of waving grain are mine; No loot of fat or fallow land Where right lul'y my lett may stand The whih -laim it as my own-- Ky deed • title mine alone. Ah, poo, hid ~d ! perhaps you say— Rut spr<• e -itf your coni| assion. pry! When I c... 't ride, w iih you, I waik In Nature's company, nnd talk Wish one who will not slight or slur The child forever dear to her— And one who answers back, be sure. With smile for smile, though 1 am poor. And while communing thus 1 count An inner wealth of largo amount — The wealth of honest purpose blent With Penury's environment— Hie wenl'h of owing naught to-day Rut dtbts that 1 would gladly pay. And wealth ol thank* still unexpressed With cumulative interest. A wealth of, patience and coutent— For all my ways improvident; A f aith still fondly exercised— For all my plans unrealized; A we dtli of promises that still, How e'er 1 'ail, 1 hope to fill; A wealth of charity lor those Who pity uie, my ragged clothes. A poor man! Yes, I must n'ess No wcibh ol gold do I possess; No pastures line, with grazing kine. Nor ti Ids of waving grain are tniue— Rut fdi, my Iriend ! I've wrahb, no end! And millionaires might condescend To bend Ihe knee and envy nie This opuleuce of poverty! J. H'/i [comb Hilty. THE PRAIRIE FIRE. "Oh, daddy!" called a clear, girlish voice. "Yes, Lindy; what's wanted?" "Ala wants to know how long it'll be 'fore you're ready." "Oh, tell her I'll le at the door by the time she gets her things on. I>e sure you have the butter and eggs all ready to put into the wagon. "We're makin' too late a start to town." Butter and eggs, indeed! As if Lin dy needed a reminder other than the new dress for which they were to be exchanged. "Elmer and 1 can go to town next time, can't we, ma?" she asked, enter ing the house. "Yes, Lindy; 1 hope so," was the re ply. "But don't bother me now; your pa is coming already, and I haven't my shawl on yet. Yes, Wilbur; I'm here. Just put this butter in, Lindy, I'll carry the eggs in my lap. Now, Lindy, don't let Elmer play with the fire or run away." And in a moment more the heavy lumber wagon rattled away from the door, and the children stood gazing after it for awhile, in half-forlorn man ner. Then Lindy went in to do her work, Elmer resumed his play, and soon everything was moving along as rheerfully as ever. After dinner, Elmer went to sleep and Lindy, feeling rather lonely again, went out-of-doors for a change. It was a warm autumnal day, almost the perfect counterpart of a dozen or more which had preceded it. The sun shone brightly and the hot winds that swept through the tall grass made that and all else it touched so dry that the prairie seemed like a vast tinder-box- Though her parents had but lately moved to this place, Lindy was accus tomed to the prairies, hdie had been born on them, and her eyes were fa. miliar with nothing else; yet, as she stood to-day with that brown,unbroken expanse rolling away before her unti it reached the pale blush-gray of the sky, the indescribable feeling of awe and terrible solitude which such a scene often inspires in one not familiar with it L-lole gradually over her. * But Lindy was far too practical to remain long under such an influence. The chickens were "peeping" loudly, and she remembered that they were stilj without their dinner. As she passed around the corner of fhe house with a dish of corn in her hands, the wind almost lifted her from the ground. It was certainly blowing with greater violence than during the morning. Great tumble weeds went flying by, turning over and over with lightning, like rapidity; then, pausing for an in stant's rest, were caught by another gust and carried along, mile after mile, till some fence or other obstacle was reach ed, where they could pile up in great drifts, and wait till a brisk wind from an opposite direction should send them rolling and tumbling all the way back. But Lindy did not not ice the tumble weeds. The dish of corn had fallen from her hand,and she stood looking straight ahead with wide-open, frightened eyes >What was the sight that so frighten ed her? Only a line of fire below the horizon- Only a line of fire, with forked flames darting high into the air, a cloud of smoke drifting away from them. A beautiful relief, this bright, changing spectacle from the brown monotony of the prairie. flu Hilltwm Journal, DEIiNTINGER &. BUMILLIIK, Editors and Proprietorr VOL. LVll. But the scene was without beauty for Lindy. Her heart had given one great bound when sho first saw the red line, and then it seemed to cease beat ing. She had seen many prairie fires I had seen her father and other men light t hem, and she knew at once the danger her home was in. What c-mld she, a little girl, do to sa\e it, and perhaps herself and her little brother, from the destroyer which tho south wind was bringing straight toward them? Only for a moment Lindy stood, white and motionless; then with a bound sho was at the well. Iler course was decided upon. If only time and strength were given her Draw ing two pails of water, site laid a large bag in each, and then, getting some matches, hurried out beyond the stable. She must fight fire with fire. That was her only hope; but a strong, expe. rieneed man would have shrunk from starting a back fire in such a wind. Site fully realized the danger; but it was possible escape from otherwise in cvitable destruction, and sho hesitated not an instant to attempt it. Cautious ly starting a blaze, she stood with a wet bag ready to smother the tirst un ruly flame. The great fire to the southward was rapully approaching. i'rairio chickens and other birds,driven from their nests, were flying over, uttering distressed cries. The air was full of smoke and burnt grass, and the crackling of the flames could plainly be beard. It was a trying moment. The increased roar of the advancing tire warned Lindy that she had but very little time in which to complete the house and barn; still, if she hurried 100 much,she would lose control of the fire she had started, and with it all hope of safety. The heat was intense, the smoke suffocating, the rapid swingiug of the heavy bag most exhausting, but she was unconscious of these things. The extremity of the danger inspired her with wonderful strength and endur ance. Instead of losing courage, she increased her almost superhuman exer tions, and in another brief interval the task xvas completed. None too soon, either, for the swiftly advancing col umn had nearly reached the wavering, struggling, slow-moving line Lindy had sent out to meet it. It was a wild, fascinating, half terri ble, half beautiful scene. The tongues of flame, leaping above each other with airy,fantastic grace, seemed, cat-like, to toy with their virtues before devouring them. A sudden, violent gust of wind, and then with a great crackling roar the two fires met, the flames shooting high into the air as they rushed together. Eor one brief, glorious moment they remained there, lapping the air with their fierce, hot tongues; then suddenly dropping, they died quickly out; and where an instant before had been a wall of fire was nothing now but a cloud of blue smoke rising front the blacken ed ground, and here and there a sickly flame finishing an obstinate tuft of grass. The fire on each side meeting no obstacle, swept quickly by, and Lindy stood gazing, spell bound, after it, as it darted and flashed in terrible zigzag lines farther and farther away. "Oh, Lindy!" called a shrill little voice from the house. Elmer had just awakened. "Yes, I'm coming," Lindy answered, turning. But how very queer she felt! There was a roaring in her ears louder than the lire had made; everything whirled before lier eyes; and the sun seemed suddenly to have ceased shining, all was so dark. Beaching the house by a great effort, she sank, faint, dizzy and trembling upon the bed by her brother's side. Elmer, frightened and hardly awake, began to cry, and as ho never did any thing in a half-way manner, the result was quite wonderful. His frantic shrieks and furious cries roused his half-fainting sister a3 effectually ;is if he had poured a glass of brandy be tween her lips. She soon sat up, and by and by color began to return to the white face, and strength to the ex liausted body. Iler practical nature and strong will again asserted them selves, and instead of yielding to a feel ing of weakness and prostration, she tied on her sun-bonnet firmly, and gave the chickens their long delayed dinner. But when, half an hour later, her father found her fast asleep, with the glow from the sky reflected on her weary little face, lie looked out of the window for a moment, picturing to himself the terrible scenes of the after noon, and then down at his daughter. "A brave girl!" he murmured, smooth ing the yellow hair with his hard, brown hand—"a brave girl!" A Long Branch hotel clerk has made himself famous and popular by kissing babies (age not limited), and has received many favorable com ments from admiring parents. Bash ful fellow! Babies are well eu ugh though to commence on. WHY THEY LOSE NERVE. iiiinnliiK nit Kiiuin, IViulit nnil ■* > - Ait I'litijiittff' \ Itioiit. "Oh, yes, engimors do lose their iu rve," said Old Throttle; "especially on" who has a night run ail the time. Von see in the night time an engiuceiV eyes, thoughts and all arc confint d to a \ cry small space; it's nearly or quite dark inside the cab, ami it' his engine is work in' all right, eairyin' her wa ter, good lots of steam, and the lire man wide-awake and lively, that engi neer don't have mtieli to do with his eyes, only to look out ahead over the little spaec made bright by the head light, aiul his thoughts :.re naturally confined to what his eyes take in. In the daytime it's different, he can look around and see lot's goin' on. lie no tices tfiat this field of 'taters look good and wondirs if his little patch at home will turn out as well; he sees a feller lishin', and renumbers the mess of trout lie caught in the Shohola; lie sees a woman and a baby in the little white house near the big curve, and his thoughts llv 1 aek to his home and his wife and children, and he wonders what they are doing just now. And this ho can take in, and he 'tendin* to business strictly, but in the night-time all is changul, and his vis ions and thoughts, as i said, are con fined to tlie small spot made vi able and distinct by the headlight, and his ideas naturally follow the rails, lie remembers that the culvert just ahead is tho very place that was washed out last spring, and nothing left under the ties and rails for ten or fifteen feet ; true, his engine jumped the ehasui, and only five cars loaded with express matter and baggage went down and were smashed and piled on top ol each other, but it might have been the ten cars of emigrants that were coupled in the rear, and it isn't pleasant to think of w hat might have been. "Just around the curve is the place where his engine struck a draw-head some careless brakeman had left lying on the track; his engine only turned over on her side, and fortunately the air-brakes had so stopped the train that no further damage was done, but he shudders as he recalls the sens;', tions he experienced while the engine was turning over and crushing its ntad way through the ties, and 'tisu't pleasant to think of it. He flies over a huge embankment at a pace of for ty miles an hour, and thinks of the feelings that were his on a certain trip last winter when a side rod came crash ing through the side of the cab, while passing over the same embankment. "In the cut just ahead is where, on the last trip, a watchman, intent on watching a train on the opposite track, had forgotten the express was due, and the horror and agony depicted on his face as the pilot threw him high in the air, will never be forgotten, neith er will his mangled and blood stained body, picked up and cared for as soon as the train could be stopped. And so on every mile of the road something of this kind is brought to mind. a> his thoughts follow the circle of light ahead, which flashes and changes con stantly, now shining on a bridge, now showing an embankment, flashes its rays now on a house and through trees and foliage, and if (lie man is easily worried or bothered he gets very ner vous indeed, and wishes he was at the end of the trip- anywhere off the rail. "Why, I've known men to give up the best trains on the road and big pay because they had to run in the night time, and take trains that were much harder to run and poorer pay, simply because the latter run in daylight. Yes, engineers do sometimes get fright, ened and lose nerve, aud it is not to be wondered at when wo think of his standing one hand on the throttle and the other on the reverse lever, with his thoughts going back to incident and incident of his busy and hazardous life on each curve and straight line of the road, as revealed by the heal-light of his engine."—Tort Jervis (X. Y.) Gazette. A Darning Mine. A correspondent of the Indianapolis Journal, travelling front Bismarck to the Little Missouri, saw a burning mine. He says: "It gives off so sul phurous an oder that I at first thought the heat due to the decomposition of sulphides. But the glow is red; little sulphurous acid is formed; you can stand over the crevasse without fear of either burning or suffocation. Sulphur is volatilized and recrystalized on tho edges of the crevices. There is no smoke; the air quivers with the heat. The burning area is from ten to fifteen rods square, and has been on fire since the first visit by white men, and no one knows how many centuries before. It is only one of a number of fires that are known on the Bad Lands." The writer goes on to say that tho Bad Lands are probably the ashes of extinct coal fires. MiLLIIFIM, PA., THURSDAY,OCTOBER 11, 1883. A PAPER PC'R THE HOME CIRCLE. . CHILDREN'S COIX>IN. IVhnt She 11 Mina Pussy gut on i!ic lowfcfet bough Ol ft Waving hickory Iroe, Wlu-jpfriiiy softly, "I'll have you now, You gay lilile robin, you'll see! 'lho old hen watches her chickens thiitceu, And has melt u leaiful way Of Hying at one, thai I haven't eocn A bit of ireah incut to-day." ltut Muster Kohin twitters away, As she stealthily creeps Joining in as the thrush and jay Chirrup a morning song, dancing sideways once and again Out of his saucy eye. A* if to say, "You will cpteh me, then? Well, madam, suppose you try!" "I have lour leg j ," sahl Pursy Cut, "And you, sir, huvc only two; I have sharp claws, depeud on that, And they'll get tho better of you; I'm stronger, too, than a dozen birds — Look now!"—and she quickly springs t But tho robin laughed ss he soared away, "lLi! lu! but you have no wings." Youth't Comjanion. A llrlligrunt nird. The kingfisher is not regarded as a dangerous bird, but an artist friend of mine once had a most remarkable adventure with ono. "While sketching on the shore of a river, he saw one of these birds flying across the water di rectly toward him. lie watched its approach, expecting every moment to see it change its course, but, to bis astonishment, the bird, swerving nei ther to the right nor left, came straight at his face. His* bands were filled with palette and brushes. He raised his foot to shield himself. "Thud!" came the bird against it, fall ing to the ground stunned by the shock; but, recovering quickly, it again took wing and disappeared around a bend in the shore. Now, the snowy owl is said to alight at times upon the heads of sportsmen while they are crouching quietly among the reeds watching for wild geese and ducks, probably mistaking them for stumps or something of that sort. But to suppose that the kingfisher may have taken my friend for a stump would not be complimentary either to the bird er the artist.— Nicholas. Tommy I.rnnw about Tonds. " Oh, papa, see what a great ugly toad! l)o get a stick and kill him be fore he gets away." said little Tommy (Jrav, as he was walking in the garden with his father. "Why do you wish to see him killelV" said his father. "Oh! because be is such an ugly thing, and I am afraid he will eat up everything in the garden. You know we killed several bugs and worms which we found here last evening, ] am sure this toad is much worse than they." "We killed the bugs and worms be cause they were destroying our flowers and vegetables. This poor toad never destroys a plant of any kind about the place. Besides, ho is one of our best friends. These insects that are doing so much harm in our garden are just what he uses fur his food. 1 have nc doubt that he kills more of them every day than we did last evening. If you can find a live bug, place it near him and see what he will do." Tommy looked about, and soon found three bugs, which he placed near the toad, and then stood back a short dis tance to see the result. Soon the bugs began to move away. The toad saw them, and made a quick forward mo. tion of his head, lie darted out his tongue, and instantly drew them, one by one, into his mouth. Tommy clapped his hands with delight. "How can such a clumsy-looking fellow use his head and tongue se □imbly?" said Tommy; and he ran oil to find more food for him. Tho next evening Tommy went again into the garden, and soon found the object of his search ready for his supper. At first the toad was shy, but he soon learned to sit still while Tom my placed the food near him. Then lie would dart out his tongue, and eat the bugs while Tommy was close by. Finding that the boy did not hurt him ho soon lost all fear, and became a great pet. Tommy named him Hum. pv, and says ho would not have him killed now for anything.— Our Lttth Ones. Tho nightingale's habit of singing at night, and the imaginary sadness of its song, are accounted for by a legend to the effect that in ancient days the nightingale and blind worm had only one eye apiece. The bird borrowed the reptile's eye in order to go with two to a feast, and afterwards refused to restore it. The blindworm vowed ven geance on its perfidious friend. Con sequently the nightingale is afraid to go to sleep at night lest the blindworm should attack it in its slumber. And in order to keep itself awake it sings, resting its breast against a thorn, the pain caused by which renders its sing ing sad. TRADING IN DIAMONDS. 1 The '> mi Itrramlng n Sort of <'nrren] - Somr Trie'Km lii tli* Trade. A recent advertisement in a morn ing newspaper to the effect that $500,- i 000 worth of diamonds and jewelry wi re offered in exchange for real es ' tate, prompted a reporter to inquire i who had so largo a stock of gems for i trading purposes. Jt was ascertained from the broker who is managing the transaction that the diamonds were the property of a diamond merchant who desired to lessen his stock, and it being tho dull season of the year took this means of accomplishing that end. "1 do not often have diamond trades," said the broker, "but I have managed several. 1 traded for several houses in diamonds not long ago, the largest amount being $75,000. This was all paid in diamonds. A few weeks ago I traded a $20,000 lot of diamonds for a house that belonged to a well known society lady. After the bargain had been closed, the diamonds deposited in my safe, and the deed brought out for her signature, she asked to see the stones. They were in a small paper box, and when she saw them she ex claimed, 'ls that my house in that little box? I won't sign the deed.' .She did sign it, though, but not until after much persuasion." A member of a firm of diamond im porters said that there were just two houses in this country who imported over $500,000 worth of diamonds last year through the custom house. He was satisfied that neither of these es tablishments win disposing of its stock for anything excepting money. "Diamonds are largely used for trading purposes," he said; "they bring a ready sale and command a staple price. There is, however, much difference [ Oct ween the selling and buying prices* and it takes a pretty sharp and cxperi* ; enced buyer to avoid a deception in re ! gard to the true value of a stone. A short time ago a gentleman bought S4OOO worth of stones from us for cash. A few days afterward ho re turned and said that he would pur chase SIOO,OOO worth of stones, pro vided we would value them at ten per cent more than that if our opinions were asked by any person wanting to buy them. We refused, as a matter of course, and he left tho ofiice. Last week a wealthy gentleman called on us and asked our opinion of the value of a number of diamonds he had with him. He said that he loaned a certain sum of money on them, and, as the loan had not been returned, the stones were forfeited. We examined them and found that he had loaned much more than they were worth. To our astonishment we found that all of our SIOOO sale were included in the lot. We told him of this fact, and as General Withers, insert the selling prices, from which "no deviation" is advertised. In looking over such a catalogue from S4OO up to S2OOO are found to be demanded for the younger animals, with proportionately more for older ones that could be at once made useful. But when a horse has really entered the ranks of the great "flyers,% there is hardly any limit to his value. One with a record of 2:30 may be esti mated in a general way worth $lO,- 000. From 2:30 down to 2:20 SIOOO may be added for each successive sec ond. "When xve come into the teens and near tho head of the record, jug. gling with gold and diamonds is a coarse occupation in comparison. Mr Bonner is said to have paid $33,000 for Dexter, and $30,000 for Barus, and Mr. Yanderbilt $20,000 for Maud S. But this last was before she had made her great time; now that she has made it you are told confidentially that a person stands ready to draw his check willingly for $75,000 whenever he can get a horse that will lead her, and give him the distinction of having the fast est trotter in the world. But how does it pay? Well, it pays first in stock raising, it pays next in the op portunity to take purses and stakes af" forded by the great system of racing circuits; and no doubt even those gen tlemen who withdraw' from racing and do their driving in private life, find it Terms, SIOO Per Year in Advance. pay In a pleasure and improved health from this kind of recreation, extrava* gant as it is, which they might not be able to procure so well from the ex penditure of equal sums in any otho direction. The Vor.icltj of the Pickerel. Of all fresh water fish the pickerel is most paradoxical and singular as to some of its traits, says a writer lor the New York Ectninj Post. The grey hound of our rivers, no fish living matches him in the speed with which lie darts through the waters. Yet ly. ingperfectly still, ruminating along the edge of some shady water nook, he may be touched almost with the hand before he takes flight. He likes clear, wecdv waters, yet his filial refuge, when hard pressed, is the muddy bottom in which ho plunges and disappears, l aving behind only a cloud of dingy water to mark his refuge. Some inci* dents to prove his coniprehenisve and enduring appetite will, I am afraid, make the veracity of the fish discount the voracity of the writer. Neverthe less they are rigidly true. Standing knee-deep in water, 1 have known pickerel to pass between my legs in pursuit of the bait. 1 have seen them take a big shiner when gorged with a protruding lisli almost half as large as themselves; to seize fiercely a new bait just after breaking successively two snclls that were afterward found in the mouth with their two hooks and baits attached; to swallow snakes, frogs, mice, and any living thing not too vast that has come within reach of their insatiable maw. '1 lie pickerel is an inveterate cannibal, and an oblong slice from the stomach of one of his own kind is a most dainty and taking bait. Fishy as souud some of the newspaper stories of pickerel gorged and strangled in the attempt to swal low a big victim, there can be no doubt that many of thein are trustworthy. A single reminiscence may be cited to prove the pickerel's gullibility and ap petite. Some ten years ago I caught one of these fish, landing him on a smooth, grassy shore, ten feet from the edge. In taking him off, he broke the line just above the sinker, which was some two feet from the hook. As the broken snell was somewhat frayed, I replaced it, and while doing so the fish flopped into amuskrat hole, which had one ol its extremities under the bank at the river's edge. Presently 31 r. Pickerel appeared in the stream, trail ing two feet of snell and the lead, lie instantly took a second bait and was readily landed again. That rash pick erel had been dancing for fully a min ute on the grass and had found his way through a dark hole for ten feet to the stream, not to speak of his other enlivening, though not instruc tive experiences. 1 have also caught a dozen handsome pickerel in a small river pool in which some youngsters were bathing, the fish shooting freely into the muddy water among the sportive lads, to snap the bait Any angler experienced in pickerel fishing can no doubt recall similar incidents without straining credulity half as hard as this fresh water shark strains his gullet. Origin of Blue til ass. It is possible that the finest speci mens of this grass are to bo found in the wooded pastures of Kentucky, where the soil abounds in lime. There is no good reason for believing, however, that this grass originated there. The Breeders' Uazdte, in discussing the matter, says: We suppose it will come to be known by its true English name, meadow poa. The name Kentucky bluegrass and jTune grass are indiffer. ently applied to a variety of the poas, especially to the varieties "pratensis" and "compressa." There is no authentic information that the grass whs origi nally distributed from Kentucky; on the contrary, it seems to be a fact that the seeds were carried by the Kentucky cavalry of Gen. Harrison, on their return to Kentucky, after the successful campaign against the Indians, in which their savage power w T as broken in the west. This grass was found growing in dense pastures in cential Indiana, furnishing forage for the horses after all other grass was killed, and undoubtedly contributed to the success of Harrison's campaign. It is, in fact, one of the most widely distributed of any of the natural grasses of the United States, wherever calcareous, firm, sandy soils are found. From the fact that, as a rule, the soils of the west contain plenty of lime, it is one of the best grasses for cultivation, in all soils not strongly liable to heave, and is indigenous from Tennessee and Kentucky, north. Th e fiat-stalked poa (compressa), taking its place, and is often found growing with it, in the north. This flat-stalked poa js indigenous to lighter soils than "poa pratensis," Kentucky bluegrass, or green meadow grass, as it is indiffer ently called. NEWSPAPER LAWS. If imb scribe r* order the diacmi initiation of newspnperf. the publishers may continue to send tliem until ell arreßrajfOH are paid. If sabecribera refuse or neglect Ui take their newapajiore from the office to which they ere pent, they ere held responsible uutil they have settled the bills and ordered them dis continued. If subscribers move to other places with out informing the publisher, and the newe- Sapers are sent to the former place of reei euce, they are then responsible. I ADVERfISirtO lUTES: • 1 wk. 1 mo. I Smot. I wos. j Hysi I ponur* SI 00 •3UOfB (O $ 4 M/• S W H column 100 ®®®| I'®? 52] I column 800 1100 l OSj 00| >fO t fOm inch nankrn a .quant. Admini.ra*or sa4 •Tutors' Notions 52.60. Transmit advartlsornonWAßd' Iccala 10 canto par Una for ftml insertion rad • osato par i lina for oicb todltioiul Insertion. NO. 40. At Rest. Ah, silent wheel, the meriy brook is dry And qniot hours glide by In this deep vle, tahero once the merry stream Sang on through gloom and glean; Only the dove in some leaf-shaded nest Murmurs ol rest. Ah, weary voyager, tho closing day Shines on that tranquil bay, Where thy storm-beaten soul has longod to be; Wild blast and angry sea j Touch not this lavo: o I shore, by summer blost, A home ol rest. Ah, fevered heart, the grass is green nnd deep Where thou art laid to sleep; Kissed by soft winds, and washed by gen'l showers, Thou hast thy crown ol flowers; Toor heart, 100 long in this nmd world opprest, 'lube now thy rest. ! I, too, perplexed with strife of good ami il', Lorc to be Sife an 1 still; Evil is present with me while I pray That good may win the day; Grout Giver, grant mo lhy hist gilt and best, Ihe gift of rM! Sarah Duwlrny. HUMOROUS. Official reports state that the British j census embraces 17,000,000 women. Who wouldn't be a census. Sir Walter Raleigh made bis way to fortune and fame bv politeness. He I was not one of the Elizabethan ruffs. i S'ang is always objectionable. In stead of saying "a dead give away" I you should say "a posthumous dona | tion." i The following is extracted from a , smart boy's composition on "Babies": "The mother's heart gives 4th joy ;t the baby's Ist 2th." "You must be a quarrelsome fellow," said a phrenologist to a man wlkko bump he was examining. "Say that again and I'll knock you down," was | tho response. Loss of sleep, it is said, is making men small and puny. That is a fact. .Tust look at the difference in the physique of a delicate scholar and th? robust night policeman. A man had just said to a friend^ "Let's take another " when his wife turned the corner, but his duty to his wife was not forgotten—"view of the political situation," he added. An old bachelor at a wedding-feast had the heartlessness to offer the fol lowing toast: "Marriage—the gate through which the happy lover leaves his enchanted regions and returns to earth." It's very easy to start false reports. Just because a woman, while buying a broom, wanted one with a heavy and strong handle, it was reported around that she was in the habit of beating her husband. Uncle—"Now, w hat would you say if 1 give you a shilling apiece?" Mas ter Jack—"l'd rather you gave mine to sis, uncle, and tell her to buy me a shilling cannon, as pa said the first money I got should go for that win dow I broke!" The whistle of the locomotive is heard 3,300 yards, the noise of the train 2800 yards, the report of a mus. ket and bark of a dog 1800 yards, the roll of a drum 1600 yards, the croak of a frog 000 yards, a cricket's chirp 800 yards. But the sound of a dinner gong is heard all around the world. The Caterpillar King. "Regalis," said Mr. Ellio , an entomologist, to a New York Tribune reporter, "is the king of There are some points about him which are peculiar, one of the strangest being his belligerency. Birds are actually afraid to attack him, and even the mocking-bird, which is bold and rapacious and loves thick, juicy cater pillars, is often beaten off by this singular worm. This is, you will note, the worm of the fable that turns against the aggressor. The regalis meets his foe with his horns, with which he endeavors to hook his adver sary somewhat in the manner of a can. tankerous cow. He is well provided with these weapons. He has four principal ones five-eights of an inch in length, four shorter ones, two that protude, and one at his tail. The first * eight are grouped upon what we term the thoracic segment, by which wt, mean the part which in the perfected animal will become the thorax. A caterpillar is built in thirteen segments and on nearly all of these in the regalis is an arrangement of six black, sharp evil-looking spines. When a bird atl tacks this caterpillar king he not only' attempts to gore him, but he spits at him a shower of saliva and fragments of the leafy food he has been devouring, precisely like the llamas and vicuna ß in Central Park. These innocent-look' ing creatures with their lamb-like eyes > come up to be fed and caressed, and then suddenly assuming an offended and injured air, they spit right in the faces of their benefactors. I grieve to say that the regalis has the same vil lainous habit*