Millheim Journal. (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, May 03, 1883, Image 1

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Corner of Main and Penn Btt„ at
Or $1.25 if not paid in advance.
Adaptable Correspondence Solicited.
ISf Address all letters to
Her King.
Sh fckt f mnd her king *8 yet,
The goldt-n fclide by*;
Tbev bring no sorrows to forget,
Nmr any cause to si^h.
No heart for hev devotion made
The pwioimte summers bring;
Urhaimetishe walks, and unafiVayed—
She ha* not found her king.
Men bring their titles, end their goM;
She turns in scorn away.
The man must he of different mold
She awears she will obey.
Th ugh poor in honor and in lands,
Rich in a rarer thing,
Ti led by God alone, he stands,
Wueu she will own her king.
But when he comes, ts eome ho will,
Strong to support, ar.d grand.
With supplication that shall till
Her soul, iike her command;
She'll place her hand in Ins, and take
Whai'er this world may bring,
Proud and contented for his sake,
Whom she hath crowned her king!
Temple Bar.
The sun hud gone down in a red
river of threatening cloud; the storm
which bad been impending for some
days had broken at last, in a wild
whirlwind of snow and tempest; and
Mrs. Abraham Ackley had just put the
tea-kettle on for the evening meal,
with Abigail, her daughter, stirring a
saucepanful of mush on the stove, and
Maria, her niece, hard at work, stitch
ing the upper parts of cheap cloth shoes
for a manufacturer in the neighbor
hood. For the Ackleys were a thrifty
family. Nothing was lost, nothing
wasted, not even that slippery commod
The Ackleys were a feminine house
hold that night, for Abraham himself,
the grizzled head of the fam !y, had
gone to the city, to put in a claim for
a pension, wh eh. according to his ideas
ought to have been paid half a century
back, to some old Revolutionary ances
tor or other.
"I ain't to be done," said Abraham,
winking his watery blue eyes, "not
even by the United States government
So it had happened that Abigail
had foddered the cattle, fed the fowls,
and locked the barn door, coming in,
all powdered over with snow, her mid
dle-aged nose blue with cold.
"Never mind, girls," said Mrs. Ack
ley, with a subdued chuckle, "when
we inherit your Cousin Jones' proper
ty we shan't none of us have to work
no more. We can be ladies, and set
up in sage-green dresses, playin' with
peacock-feather fans. Bid you get the
best chamber ready, Marier?"
"Marier" gave a grunt in the affirm
ative, as she bit off the end of her
"I didn't light the fire yet," said
she. "Thought it warn't no use burn
in' up good hickory logs, until we
knowed we was goin' to want 'em."
Scarcely was the sentence well out
of her mouth, when a tattoo sounded
loudly on the warped panels of the un
painted front door.
"Land's sake alive!" said Abigail,
dropping the wooden spoon into the
mush-pot, while Maria straightened
herself up with a jerk, "it's Cousin
Jones already!"
"Quick!" said Mrs. Ackley, in a
shrill stage whisper. "Put the mush
in the closet, and fetch out the cold
chicken and raspberry presarves; and
the best cups, Abigail, and the three
tined forks, and the table cloth with
the border of daisies."
And she turned to the door, with a
flaring, home-dipped candle in her
"Is this Mrs. Abe Ackley's?" de
manded a shrill voice. "I was told
she lived half-way up Pine Crags."
"Ain't this Mrs. Jones?" said Mrs-
Ackley, in her softest accents.
"That's the ticket!" said the
stranger. "Do open the door and let
me in. I ain't no burglar, nor yet a
"I'm delighted to see you," said Mrs.
Ackley. "Do pray walk in, and let the
girls take your things. Marier, Abi
gail, tliis is Mrs. Jones, as you've
heard so much of. Your room will be
warm d'reckly. We've set great
store by your comin', I do assure you."
"You're very kind," said Mrs. Jones
shaking the snow off her shabby
shawl and pinched silk bonnet. "1
ain't no beggar; I calc'late to pay my
own way."
The three women smiled obsequious
ly. They had been given to under
stand that Cousin Jones from New
York city was very eccentric—that
she particularly disliked any allusion
to her relationship, and that there was
no accounting for her various peculiar
"Of course," said Mrs. Ackley,
"that must be as you please."
"I don't choose to be beholden to
any one," stiffly added the new-found
i_"Of (JOUrae not," said Maria, help
Ihe milMm Journal.
DEINTNGER & BUMILLER, Editors and Proprietors.
ing her off with her rubbers. "Uncle
Abraham will be so sorry that he isn't
here to welcome you."
"1 can stand it, if he can," said the
old lady, warming her gaunt hands
before the cheerful blaze. "Eh, do you
live as high as this every day?" as she
saw the liberal preparations for supper.
"We are economical people," said
Mrs. Ackley, apologetically; "we raise
our own poultry, and Abigail picked
the raspberries last summer on the
mountain, and changed off eggs for the
sugar, at Martin's grocery store at the
cross-roads; aud the tea was a present
from old Captain Greer, who is in the
China trade, to pay Ackley for breakin
the roan colt. So you see—" "Yes, I
sec," said Mrs. Jones, nodding her head
jerkily, like a mandarin somewhat out
of order.
"Managing people, you be! You won't
never come to be boarded out like town
poor, I reckon!"
"1 hope not," said Mrs. Ackley, de.
"The idea!" said Miss Abigail.
"Well, things is ordered differently
in this world," observed Mrs. Jones.
'•lt's up-hill with some and down-hill
with others. But I guess 1 can get
along with you!"
"My son will be up to pay his re
spects to-morrow," said Mrs. Ackley.
"He lives a little beyond here."
"Ah!" said Mrs. Jones.
"He hasn't been real successful in the
world," added Mrs. Ackley. "He
married a schoolma'am, and they've a
little family, and Ackley's had to set
down his foot, as he won't help him
any more."
"Every one for himself, eh?" said
the old woman, with a chuckle.
Mrs. Ackley nodded. She had
ventured upon this confidential family
communication as a sort of hint to
Cousin Jones, not to lend money to the
impecunious Abraham, junior. If
there was money floating around in
the golden atmosphere that surround
ed Mrs. Jones, why should it be given
over into such velvet-like hands as
those of Mrs. Abraham, junior.
"Perhaps,"suggested Maria, sweetly
"Mrs. Jones would like some hot
buttered toast?"
"Well, since you're so pressing, I am
rather partial to it," said Mrs. Jones.
"And," added Abigail, jealous lest
she should be outdone in these sweet
deeds of hospitvlity, 'there's a very
good meat pie in the pantry which I
made myself, if—"
"Meat pie," cried the old lady.
"Meat pie is a relish for anything
going. I don't know when I've put
my teeth into a good meat pie before.
Bring it on, young woman—bring it
The three Ackleys looked on with
beaming eyes, while Mrs. Jones ate
and drank like a half-famished lion
ness, and afterward they conducted
her to the bed-room, where the fire
blazed brightly en the painted, red
brick hearth, and the patchwork s lk
quilt—Maria's own woik—was laid os
tentatiously across the foot of the bed.
And then they all came down stairs,
closed in solid phalanx around the lire,
and looked at one another with mean
ing in their speculative eyes.
"Queer, ain't she?" said Maria.
"Dressed exactly as if she came out
of an old rag-bag," commented Abigail.
"Hold your tongue, girls!' said Mrs.
Ackley. "Geniuses are always eccen
tric! And Cousin Jones ia worth a
cool forty thousand dollars!"
Early the next morning, long before
daylight had irradiated the sullen
darkness of the wintry horizon, and
Mrs. Ackley was doing her best, in
curl papers and a dirty flannel wrapper,
to make the kitchen lire burn, an old
box-sled stopped at the door, and in
came Abraham, junior, brown-faced,
good-natured and smiling.
"Well, mother," said he, "how's the
"They're all well enough," said Mrs,
Ackley, who always entertained a
secret fear lest Abe should want to
borrow money of her.
"Father got home yet?" said Abe.
Mrs. Ackley was blowing desperate
ly at a crumpled bit of paper which ab
solutely declined to ignite the kindlings
adjoining to it.
"That's you, mother, to a 'T'!" said
Abraham, good-humoredly. "You're
too economical even to burn enough
waste papers! Goodness knows, they
don't cost nothin'!"
"Humph!" said Mrs. Ackley. "I
know some people as ain't economical
in nothin'!"
"And that reminds mel" said Abe,
skating easily away from the subject,
"I'm going down arter my boarder!"
"What boarder ?" said Mrs. Ackley f
"Didn't you know ?" said Abe.
"Me and Jane Eliza, we've bid for one
of the town poor. It ain't much pay,
to-be-sure. The selectmen fire real
close this year, on account of the Town havin* cost such a sight o' money.
But it's better than nothin'. And the
old woman will he company for Jane
Eliza and the children. It's old Hul
dah Jones, you know Cappen Jones'
widder, down in Frog Lane."
"Oh!" said Mrs. Ackley.
"I expected her up last night," said
A he, drawing on his blue yarn
mittens; "but 1 guess she found the
weather one too many for her rheuma
tiz; so now I'm goin' arter her, with
an arm-chair tied into the box-sled!
And, by-thc-way," fumbling in his
coat pocket, "here's a letter I got last
night. Guess it was meant for father,
but I opened it by mistake."
"Who's it from?" screeched Abigail,
who had just come down stairs, half
frozen, from her tireless room, tying
her apron strings as she came, while
Maria was visible, twisting up her
back hair in the distance.
"Your rich cousin, in New York,"
said Abe. "She ain't comin'! She's
made up her mind to rent a furnished
flat in New York, where she can be
near her doctor and her favorite clergy
"Nonsense!" said Maria. "That's
only a practical joke, as some one is
try in' to come on us. Cousin Jones is
here a'ready."
"Asleep in the best chamber, where
I'm goin' to light a lire at seven
o'clock," added Abigail.
"What!" roared Abraham.
"Girls!" shrilly exclaimed Mrs. Ack
ley, "it's a dreadful mistake as we've
all of us made! This old woman .ain't
our Cousin Jones at all. It's the town
poor as Abe has took to board!—old
Cappen Jones' widow, from Frog
And she struck an attitude in front
of the stove like Medea before the sac
rificial flames.
"And we gave her cold fowl and
raspberry-jam," cried Maria, "and the
whole of the meat pie."
"And my choicest linen sheets, and
a fire in the best chamber!" groaned
Mrs. Ackley. "My goodness me! how
could we be such fools ?"
"Go and wake her up at once," said
Maria to Abigail. "Tell her Abe Ack
ley is here, to take her where she right
ly belongs; and ask her how she dared
to impose upon decent people like us?"
"It ain't her fault!" sighed Mrs. Ack
ley, "It's ours. Goodness, what
idiots we've been!"
"Well, you haven't asked me to
breakfast," said Abraham, junior,
waggishly; "hut I guess I'll stop for a
bite and a sup, and take the old lady
up to our home arterward. 'Tain t a
good plan to travel on an empty
stomach such weather as this!"
And the bewildered Mrs. Jones was
whisked away on the box-sled before
she knew the rights and wrongs of the
ease, leaving the Ackley family discon
"I never w.os so mistook in my life
before," said Mrs. Ackley.
But Abe, junior, regarded the matter
as a stupendous joke.
"Old Mrs. Jo:ie> got a first-class
meal and night's lolgin' free gratis
out of mother," said he; "an.i I don't
remember when anybody else has done
as much."
At Sea in a Basket.
It was upon September 20, 1854, tho
Arctic, belonging to the now extinct
Collins line, sailed from Liverpool to
New York with more than 200 pas
sengers on board. The voyage was
safely accomplished until the Arctic
got within sixty-five miles of Cape
Race, when she was run into by the
Vesta, a small iron steamer owned and
manned by Frenchmen, and of about
100 tons burden. Within four hours
of the collision the big vessel disap
peared beneath the waves, and the lit
tle vessel was speeding on her way to
ward the French coast, where, uncon
scious of the mischief she had done,
she arrived in safety about a fortnight
later. About forty of the Arctic's
crew and passengers were saved in a
boat, and a few more were picked up
from rafts and bits of the vessel, among
the latter being Captain Luce and a
Mr. Smith, then a resident of the state
of Mississippi, but subsequently a
wealthy Glasgow merchant Mr. Smith
was saved upon a raft of planks,
lashed together by himself, on the top
of which he tied the basket lined with
tin, into which unwashed plates were
put during the saloon dinner. Upon
the edge of this basket, with his feet
at the bottom, Mr. Smith sat for two
nights and nearly three days,*bailing it
as it filled from time to time. It will
be heard with little surprise that for
many years Mr. Smith preserved this
much-valued historical basket as a
trophy in his drawing-room at Glasgow,
and showed it to his friends as the
vehicle in which he had floated upon
the waves for fifty or sixty hours, The
basket was concealed in the center of
an ottoman made purposely to hold it,
and was only revealed when Mr. Smith
was surrounded by a few congenial
Advice is seldom welcome. Thow
who need it most take it least
As every thread of gold is valuably
so is every minute of time. "•*
Prosperity is no just scale; adversit)
is the only balance to weigh friends. |
The more we do, the more we can do !
the more busy we are, the moreleisun
we have.
Knavery is supple, and can bend t
but honesty is firm and upright and
yields not
No principle is more noble, as thert
is none more holy, than that of a true j
He who is the most slow in r*aking
a promise is the most faithful m the
performance of it
Never let your zeal outrun youi
charity. The former is but human,
the latter is divine.
Duty cannot be neglected without
harm to those who practice as well as
to those who suffer the neglect.
Precept is instruction that is written
in sand, and washed away by the tide;
example is instruction engraved on the
Whoever has a contented mind has
all riches. To him whose foot is en
closed in a shoe, is it not as though the
earth were carpeted with leather?
• Try to repress thougnf, and It is like
trying to fasten down steam—an ex
plosion is sure to follow. Let thought
be free to work in its own appropriate
way, and it turns the machine, drives
the wheels, does the work.
There are many people who pretend
to like caviar, and it is possible that a
few may have forced themselves to
relish the intensely salt or rancid prep
aration of sturgeon eggs called by this
name. We believe the "delicacy" first
came from Russia, and we can imagine
that a native of Siberia, half Indian
and half Esquimaux, might find caviar
a delightful change from whale's
blubber and decayed seal. We have
tasted caviar, and think that old rusty
mackerel brine is nectar beside it
The Germans pretend to love caviar
and Americans who have leen abroad
eat it before their friends to show their
acquired taste contriveted in foreign
lands. We read in the Deutsche Fisc
her ci Zeitung that some Germans have
been making caviar from the eggs of
the pike, and we wish them success in
their search after a new source of sup
ply of delicatessen. Shakespeare
speaks of something which the general
public cannot relish as being "caviar
to the general." The bard is correct,
as usual. Caviar is caviar, whether
made of triple-salted rancid sturgeon
eggs or of the ova of the pike flavored
with seal blubber and stale mackerel
To our friends who not yet
met this luxury we will say that at
dinner, after the pudding, ice cream f
cheese, nuts, figs and raisins have pass
ed, you take a piece of toast about
three inches square and cover it with
a quarter inch layer of something that
looks like broken rice stewed in coal
tar. On this you put a thick layer of
finely-chopped raw onion and squeeze
lemon over it. You raise it to your
lips; you bite into it and roll your eyes
heavenward and declare that you never
t.isted anything half so delicious before.
At the first opportunity you slip down
stairs and take a quiet drink out of the
kerosene can to get up a proper after
taste in your mouth.
Yes, the Germans have discovered a
new source of caviar in the pike, aad
don't we wish we had some of it.
The memory of the caviar Ave have
eaten comes over us like the recollec
tions of an Arctic explorer when he
thinks of the train oil he has SAvallow
ed.—[Forest and Stream.
Expecting a Letter.
"I don't see how it is," exclaimed an
east side man, as he entered the post
office the other morning; "I can never
get my letters on time!"
"Are you expecting something by
mail?" asked the postmaster, politely.
"Expecting something! I should
think I was. I've been expecting it
for the past three days!" continued the
man, impatiently.
"This is probably what you expect
ed," said the man of letters, with a self
satisfied smile, as he took a bill from
the man's box and handed it to him.
"Yes," growled the man, taking the
envelope which he supposed contained
he expected letter, without looking at
t; "this was due three days ago!"
"Three days ago!" exclaimed the
postmaster, a little surprised. "Why.
your tailor said when he put it in that
it was due three months ago!" It did
not take that man long to discover the
true inwardness of the postmaster's re
marks, but when he did he was mad
enough to lick the postmaster and
every stamp in the office.—Statesman
M. Fourmant has concluded a series
of exact experiments upon trichina) in
n eat. He finds that to pack the dis
eased flesh in salt for fifteen months
does not kill the pa.asites; mice fed
upon the meat died of trichinosis.
Remains of a mastodon and a num
ber of curious bones belonging to vari
ous other animals have been found
near a salt mine at New Iberia, La*
Among them were some fossil teeth of
horses, and they have been presented
to the Yale college museum.
The post-mortem examination of a
mulatto who died recently in Cincin
nati revealed a brain weighing sixty,
one ounces. There are on record but
two brains heavier than this—that of
Cuvier, weighing 64.33 ounces, and
Abercrombie's, which weighed sixty
three ounces.
Dr. lieklam considers that headaches
and other consequences of sleeping in
rooms containing flowers do not arise
from any special properties of the
flowers themselves, but are due to a
straining of the nerves of smell in the
presence of perfumes for an unwonted
length of time. The effect is anala.
gous to that produced upon the eyes
by an unusual exposure to light, or on
the ears by long-continued sounds.
An enormous quantity of water pass
es through the roots of plants. An
English experimenter has ascertained
that for every pound of mineral matter
assimilated by a plant, an average of
2,000 pounds of water is absorbed.
At the French agricultural observato
ry of Montsouris it was found that in
rich soil, 727 pounds of water passed
through the roots of wheat plants for
every pound of grain produced; while
in a very poor soil, 2G93 pounds passed
through the wheat roots for each
pound of grain."
Scotch Plowmen's Vests.
It has long been the custom of agri
cultural laborers in Scotland to distin
guish themselves by the grandeur of
their Sabbath kirk suits. "Sunday
claes." The vest or waistcoat was es
pecially the center of their pride or
vanity. It had a combination of all
the prismatic colors of the rainbow,
the more brilliant prevailing, forming
a complete aurora borealis. About
forty years ago, in a border parish on
the south of Scotland, the principal
heritor and patron, according to the
law and custom, was allotted the chief
seat in the gallery opposite the minis
ter's pulpit lie, however, was non
resident and an Episcopalian. He
therefore dedicated his seat to the un
married plowmen of the parish, who
for many years" availed themselves of
the privilege. Generally their number
fully packed the seat. So soon as a
member left the parish, he, of course,
ceased his seat-possession, and so soon
as he entered the holy bonds of matri
mony he had to provide accommoda
tion for himself and his wife elsewhere,
as the pew was held to be of tlie kind
of the "limited (mail) male." Sabbath
after Sabbath the juvenile rustics vied
with each other who could show the
newest pattern in the design and color
for his chest covering. Often have
clergymen who have never before
ascended the pulpit stair of this parish
been startled as the opposite gallery
brilliantly Hashed on his wondering
eyes. The rustic band got the title of
| the "robin redbreasts" or "canaries,"
and their seat was commonly known as
their "nest" or "aviary." A change,
however, did occur. The heritage fell
to a brother of the late proprietor, who
"knew not Joseph," and was rather
displeased at this weekly display of
foppery. The new laird granted the
pew to a new tenant, who had become
possessor of the home farm, and had a
i numerous family. It was easy to grant
and possess, but not so easy to annul a
; previous grant and dispossess former
occupants. The bo vans refused to
remove, pleading a grant with long
possession, even for the prescriptive
period—in fact, that they had acquired
both figuratively and litenilly a "vest
ed interest." The sheriff had to be ap
proached byway of interdict. It was,
however, more by suasion than by
; force that at length matters were
peacefully arranged. For many years
the display of colors which once flaunt
ed from the gallery ceased from the
memories of the parishioners of Sunny
side. The epidemic which prevailed in
the south spread to other portions of
Deal very gently with those who are
on the downhill of life. Your own
time is coming to be where they now
are. You too are "stepping westward."
Soothe the restlessness of age by amuse
ment, by consideration, by non-inter
ference, and by allowing plenty of oc
cupation to fall into the hands that
long for it. But let it be of their own
choosing, and cease to order their ways
for thm as though they were children.
Terms, SIOO Per Year in Advance.
Curlouilnitanrailn Which It IlaiUrown
to Urrat I„rit£ih.
Most people understand that hair
does sometimes grow after death, but
there are perhaps few who know that
there is a very considerable growth in
at least one-third of the rases where
bodies are interred in the usual
manner. A story was told by Oscar
Wilde at a dinner party in New York
which illustrates this fact. When
Gabriel Dante Rossetti was very young
--scarcely more than a boy—said Mr t
Wilde, he was deeply in love with a
young girl, and, having a poet's gift,
lie sang a poet's love in numerous son
nets and verses to her. She died
young, and by her wish the manu
scripts of these poems were placed in a
casket and laid under her head, so that
even in the last sleep they should be,
as they always had been, kept beneath
her pillow. Years passed by and Kos
setti's fame grew until every line of
his composition became precious, and
some of those who prized his writings
most asked him for copies of the songs
that had been buried. He had kept
no copies, or they had been lost At
all events he could furnish none, and
when they .asked him to rewrite the
verses he declared that he was utterly
unable to do so.
At last his friends importuned him
for permission to have the original
manuscripts exhumed. He consented
after some hesitation, and all the nec
essary preliminaries having been com
plied with the grave which had been
sealed for many years was opened.
Then a strange thing was found.
The casket containing the poems had
proved to be of perishable material and.
its cover had crumbled away. The
long tresses of the girl had grown after
death and had twined and intertwined
among the leaves of the poet's paper,
coiling around the written words of
love in a loving embrace long after
deatfi had sealed the lips and dimmed
the e>e that had made response to that
There is nothing improbable in the
story so far as it relates to the physical
phenomenon. That hair grows after
death is too well established a fact to
be challenged, and is readily enough to
be understood by any one who will
give even a L'ttle study to its forma
tion, it being au appendage to the
human form, and not, strictly speak
ing, a part of it. It might indeed be
almost called a friendly parasite.
A well known New York under
taker said: "A gentleman who had
lost his little boy five or six years
before came to the establishment where
I was working and said he wanted
the remains taken up and carried tc
Boston. He had moved to that city,
where he had lost another child, and
his wife was anxious that they should
both be buried in the plot he had
bought in the Laurel Hill cemetery.
This gentleman was anxious to see foi
himself that everything was done right
and went over with me to Greenwood
We had buried the child and there wai
not any trouble about finding the righi
grave and the nght coffin, but he wai
nervous about it. lie insisted or
having the coffin opened after it was
taken up and seeing for himself tha'
there was no mistake. I had it done
and as soon as he saw the body he said
'I knew it; that isn't my boy. His
hair was cut short while he was sick,
and look at that!' In this case there
was a rather unusual growth. 1
should say the hair was a foot long.
In cases where the body has been
buried a good many years—say a hun
dred years—the hair is sometimes
found a yard long on a man's head
and much longer, of course, on a
Another undertaker said that he was
employed at one time to remove i
great number of bodies that had been
buried in a cemetery which had beer
sold. They had lain undisturbed foi
an average of about twenty-five years
and in nearly one-half the cases th<
hair on the heads of the men was fron
a foot to a foot and a half long. Ii
cases of women it was evident enougl
from the arrangement of their hai:
that it had grown a great deal afte:
death. There was no way, so far as ht
knew, of determining what causes tin
difference between cases, some hai]
growing and other apparently no
growing or only growing a little, bu
he said he believed that in cases o
fever there was apt to be such a growth
It might be supposed that if a post
mortem growth of hair is as commoi
as has been indicated mention of th
fact would have been made in the ac
counts that have been preserved of th
remains of noted persons after burial
but the only such instance that is re
called is that of Napoleon I. Of hiu
it is said that when his body was re
moved from St. Helena to France i
was found that the hair had grown t
a great length.— New York Herald.
Gloves remain very long.
If subscribers order the discontinuation of
newsj>H|>ers, th© publishers nifty continue to
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NO. 18.
I have heard it in the foreet
Where the branchee grey and ban,
From ihe heu of pines upstarting,
Stand like phantoms in the air;
Ghosts of beauty onoe so (air.
I have heard the distant echoes,
Faint and tar, but wondrous sweet,
Telling i hut the summer cotneth
Crowned with ecstasy comple'.e;
And earth thrills beneath my feet.
1 have seen the tidings written
On the far blue of the skies;
I have heard the brooklet singing
B<dily 'neath i's rool ol ice,
01 the coming mysteries.
'•Summer's coming, coming, coming,"
Speed the news from tree to tree.
Clouds of heaven hear it onward,
River, tell it to the eea.
"Summer comes! the earth is free."
George L. Heath.
Always out of countenance —The
The blandest counsel may be a cross,
i High words—"Tip top," "peak,"
"summit,** etc.
Now the thrifty fisherman figures
up his net gains.
A man's tongue often betrays him*
but he always can count on his fingers.
A man has invented a chair that
can be adjusted to 800 different posi
tions. It is designed for a boy to sit
in when he goes to church. ,
The great question of the day at
present is how to wear a high all-round
collar and still be able to sneeze hard
without cutting your throat. _
One of the sweetest pictures of do
mestic economy is a poet blacking a
white stocking so that it won't show
through the fissure of his boot.
"He's grown to be a polished gen
tleman, anyhow," said an old lady
gazing fondly as she spoke at the shin
ing bald head of her son, just returned
after a long absence.
"Papa," said a lad the other night,
after attentively studying for some
minutes an engraving of a human
skeleton, "how did this man manage
to keep in his dinner ?"
A little chap in Gallatin, Tenn., son
of a prominent turfman, was asked by
his school-teacher to define "good
breeding." "A mare with two Lex
ington crosses," was the instant reply.
"Johnnie, how many bones are there
in the human body?" "Whosehuman
>ody? Mine?" "Yes, yours, for in
stance.' "Can't tell. You see I've
been eatin' shad for breakfast u>d
that upsets the anatomical estimate at
A society has been formed in New
York, to le known as the "Order of
the Iron Tie." It is supposed to be an
organization to use its influence to per
suade men to wear a tie that the
women folks cannot work up into a
patchwork quilt.
Just Like 'Em.
Two ladies who were bound some
where in company yesterday entered a
Woodward avenue car together, and
no sKmer were they seated than both
made a dive for their purses.
"Oh, let me pay!" pleaded one.
"Oh, I couldn't think of it!"
"Oh, do, now; I have just the
"Oh, but I have tickets."
"Yes, but you paid the last time."
"But vou can pay some other time.
j .She was hurriedly searching through
her porte-monnaie, but didn't seem to
find anything.
"I told you I had —1"
And the second one began a search
in a wild manner, emptying out pins,
; needles and buttons, but no money.
"Why! I do declare!" gasped the
"Strangest thing I ever saw!" added
the second.
"I'll pay for both," observed a man
on the seat opposite, and he marched
up, fumbled through his pockets and
held out a battered quarter to the dri
ver. The latter would not take it, and
the man marched out and slid off the
platform in the most solemn manner,
and at the next crossing the ladies said
they had taken the wrong car, rang the
bell and got off.— M. Quad.
An Unsophisticated Way.
Any Esquimaux asked to undertake a
journey or perform a labor he dees
not like does not declare that he is not
at home, but he has a precisely similar
! formality adapted to his own circum
stances. lie does not like to tell the
stranger proposing to him that he does
| not wish to go, or that the pay is not
sufficient, or, in short, that he will not
go; but he says, "I have no boots."
, This is not to be accepted as a hint that
1 a pair of boots would be an acceptable
present; it is merely a polite refusal,
and in strict politeness must be ac
cepted as unhesitatingly as our own
"Not at home."