An Aged Settlor. "Do I believe John Sickle, the colored man what works for Legislaturenian Hunt upon the mountain, is 106 years old?" said Uncle Zeke Holland this morning in ies pouse to a question. ''Yes, I do, 'cause I'm nigh onto 70 myself, aud I know he was quite an old man when I was a boy, But talkin' 'bout old men, you ought to have seen my father. He walked away with anythin' for age I've ever seen or hearn tell of. Why, John Sickle will tell you that he used to do chores for my father when he was a young darkey, and my father gave him all the schooling he ever had. When he first moved into these parts there wasn't a bit of cleared laud worth speakin' of. 'Twas not bin but woods all 'round, and the bears and d ers were thick as could be. Now, when 1 say that, I'm sayin' a good deal, for you know German Valley is one of the oldest places in Jersey. That old Lutheran church you see yonder was built long before the Revolution, aud my father helped put it up. He was quite young then, it's true, but it was a powerful long while ago. "I want you to tliiuk of it a little spell. I'm the youngest of the family, and as I said a bit ago, I'm nigh onto seventy. I've got grandchildren, aud my oldest brother livin' over iu Orange County, New- York, who is just ninety has great-grand children. Well, my father died just as the war ended, and my oldest brother was his first child bv his second wife, he having lost all the children born by his first wife. Do you get onto that? I've hearn him say he was over 125, aud 1 believe he was oldtr. Why, he tcld me once how as a young chap he had heard the news f Braddock's defeat by the Indians, and how excited they all got in this region. It was over a month after the battle before they got the news, but they made just as much fuss ta they had got it by telegraph the same day it happened. He had Cleared away a couple of hundred acres, and was married and keepiu' house when the tea was chucked into Boston harbor. Think of that, will you? He jined a party of volunteers who went from here, aud it took 'em six days to git to New York. He was with Washington all through the war. and had two of his toes frozen that night when they crossed the Delaware. "Why, talking 'bout your old settlers, my father not only was one of the first to open up this part of Jersey, but. he was the first to cut down a tree on Schooley's Mountain, as we now call it. One day while he was I'elUng trees he struck a spring, the same spring which folks now drink for their health. "It's a wonder he didn't get killed those days. for he worked by himself, the near est chap bein' a quarter of a mile away. I've hearn him say that the sound of the axes through the trees would fetch the bears and wolves out, who would come around seemin to be afraid, to show fight when they saw the axe aud heard the cra&hiu' of the limbs. But once in a while one of 'em would grow vei y bold aud come growlin' toward the old man. He kuew how to fix 'em. however. He just threw a coupb of branches at 'em, and then whirled his axe around his head a few times, at the same time mounting a trunk and yelling. They always turned and dug back into the thickets." "But the queerest thing I ever heard him tell was 'bout tbe way in wh'ch the snakes a*, d owls acted when thev were cutting down the trees. You ee the var mints had never listened to such a noise as was made by the choppin' and the lellin' of the woods, and they didn't know what to make of it. At first they used to gather in the bushes and along the ground several hundred feet away from the place where the men were workin' and watck 'em, never movin' for hours at a time. After a few days they changed their plans and climbed up trees near by, curlin' them selves around the limbs, and watchiu' the trees go down as though their Jives de pended on it. That must have been a sorter curious sight. "Just think of workin' a quarter of a mile from any one, with a hundred snakes or so lookin' down at you from the boughs of one tree, and a dozen or two owls perched on another. You see, the owls were blind as bats during the day. but they heard the noises, and got as close as they could. I've hearu the-old man say that sometimes an owl and a snake would get on the same limb, and then there was a circus. He said that you'd suppose the snake would have it all his own way, but that ain't so. The cussed sarpint would crawl around the owl's legs, but before it could give its three calls and bite the owl would make that queer noise it's so fond of and fly away. The rattler hadn't a show when they were goiu' through the air, for it got scared right off, and then the flip ping of tbe owl's wings would kinder dis turb it, and so it generally forgot all about bitin'. Often the owl would shake the reptile loose, and it would go tumblin' to the ground, cracking its rattles all to pieces on the stones. "Yes, them wore great days, and I don't see how my old man ever lived through 'em. Between the bears, sxakes, and cold 1 should think he'd tuckered out. But he didn't, and any timeyour'e a mind to drop in for an hour to watcu the twin snakes I'll tell you some more about my father, who was the oldest man I've ever hearn of since Scripture limes." In Full Soug. An Australian bird fancier says: I have had a parrot for about two years. At first he was quite uneduca ed, and rather a dis reputable looking party, but. with good food and exercise, his musical talent soon developed itself. He began with the first part of "The Bells," then he got off per fectly the trumpet call of "Cease Firing," 44 C'barlie is my Darling," "Nix my Dollie," and he is diligently at work at 44 God bless the Prince,'' and has the first part fairly well off. He fetches and carries like a dog, and seems never tired of running after a ball of crumpled paper, and bring ing it back and putting it in one's hand, and waitiDg for another throw. He will tumble about on the floor, and play more like a monkey than a bird. He will get into a slipper witfi a string tied to it, and allow himself to be coached round and round the room, holding on all the time to the string. Some time ago we were troubled with mice, but "Peter ' soon brought them to a sense of their situilion. He ferreted them out, chased them, killed thorn, and, having duly washed them in nis water tin, hung them up to dry, picked them, and swallo.ved them. It requires great perseverance training these birds. They will eat almost anything. Some days ago our bird swallowed a piece of glass, and for two days and nights was very ill, moaning pitifully; but he at last brought it up in the usual way hawks and owls do. He is now quite recovered, and in lull song. An investigation regarding the asphyx iating action of oess-pool drainage has been made by MM. Boutrny and Descoust. A cubic metre of cess-pool liquid even after official disinfect 101, ie .de ed eight cubic metres of air faiai to animals that were compelled to breathe it. THEBE is no crop raised which yields so large an amount of food and with so little labor as Indian corn. AGRICULTURE. COLIC IN HORSES. —Attacksot colic most frequently are the result of carelessness, aud generally may be traced to a horse having drauk cold water wnen heated, or immediately after being fed, by being gor ged with food after long fasting, or being chilled by currents of cold air. Some horses are constitutionally more liable to it than others. The first symptoms are a g ueral fidgetiness accompanied by lifting of the feet very quickly, following by vio lent rolling. These symptoms also indi cate other disorders, requiring very differ ent treatment from colic. There are two that distinguish colic from inflammation of the bowels, iu the former, the horse will strike his belly violently with his foot be tween the paroxsnisof pain; but iu the lat ter, though he may lift his feet, he will not strike, and the pam is continuous. When colic symptoms are accompanied by con stipation, the first care must be to empty the bowels by " back raking" ami injec tions of warm water. Here, clearly, the stimulating medicines proper to flatulent colic would be inappropriate and most likely produce iutlammation of the bowels. Flatulent colic is the more frequent and suddeu form, requiring prompt treatment, and perhaps with what may be at haud in a country place. A horse got well quickly alter the administration of one-quarter piut of giu, and two ounces oi ground ginger mixed with,water to till a soda water bottle, from which it was poured dowu his throat. Equal parts of whisky and milk, ami from half a pint to a put at a time lias beeu useful. A veterinary prescription for colic, is : Spirits of turpentine, tour oun ces; linseed oil, twelve ounces; laudanum, one aud one-quarter ounces to be mixed, and given every hour until the paiu ceases. Bathing the belly with Lu.t water, ami trie tiou, are both useful. If a horse is led shout quietly, not galloped, as will be done by ignorant grooms, it will aid the action of ihe medicine, and prevent a horse from huriiug himself by rolling as he will be ap: to do, during the paroxysms of pain. THE PROP, KTION OF WATER IX ROOTS.— One of the simplest items in the chemistry of a root crop is the amount of water it eoutaius; it is a poiut, how ever, of great practical iuiportauce. It is uot the gross weight of roots that benefits either the far mer or his cattle ; it is the amount of solid matter winch determines the value of the crop. Tins is always to be borue iu mind iu judging of the merits of the new varie ties continually offered to the public. A ' 4 heavy cropper" may be so merely because its roots are more watery thau those of other varieties. Agricultural and horti cultural societies la giving prizes for new roots, should make the percentage of solid maiter iu the rx)t au important elemeut iu their decisions. The average amount of dry matter iu our various root crops is as follows : Turnips, Bto 10 per ceut. ; car rots 12 to 14; aud well-ripened sugar beets. 16 to 18 per cent. It is a necessity with farmers to raise large roots, if they wish to obtain a heavy crop ; but it should be remembered that an excessively large root is always of inferior quahty. In ail vegetable growth, great luxuriance and rapidity of formation is associated with a mere watery, saline and nitrogenous com position. FOOD FCK GROWI.NO FOWLS —Food for young and growing fowls must, to obtaiu good growth, be rich m nitrates and phos phates. Corn meal contains much oil, which before it can bo appropriated by the system, has to go tbroagh a uurnber of chemical changes, consequently it is too rich a food to be fed exclusively to very young chickens. Coarse oatmeal mixed wiili milk, is very nutritious food. Cracked or whole wheat is also excellent aud the two mixed in tqoal parts give, undoubted ly, the best gram food we can obtaiu, with perhaps, the exception of rice. Milk curd is very nutritious, and should always be riven them wheu it can be had. If insect food is not abundaDt, aud milk or curd uot obtainable, teed freeh meat boiled and minced. After the chickeus have goi a good start in feathers, corn meal can In used as the general grain food, as oatmeal and wneat (though the best) are too ex pensive for constant use. For vegetables, boiled potatoes, mashed aud mixed with wheat-bran, are excellent. THE following is a well-tested receipt for chicken cholera: At the first symptoms dissolve in one gallon of tbe drinking water half a teaspoonful of alum and the same of copperas; at the same time give daily in the soft feed a little sharp sand, at the rate of one teaspoonful to a fowl, in severe cases give at once by hand a piece of alum audapieceof copperas, jeach the size of a pea, mixed in dough, with one teaspoonful of sand and a little meal and water. Continue the medicated water and sanded feed until all signs of disease disappear. THE kinds of grass suited for permanent pasture depends upon the kind of soil. Indeed, it is hardly worth while to try to seed down permanently any but moist soils. For these the following kinds of grass are best suited: Ked-top, five pounds, per acre; creeping bent, five pounds; meadow spear-grass, four pounds ; red fescue, five pounds; meadow fescue, three pounds ; tall fescue, five pounds; meadow oat-grass, four poundi; crested dog's tail, three pounds ; timothy, three pounds. THE average results of experiment and theory, so to speak, m kes 67 pounds of Indian coin equal to 100 pounds of hay, or 1,140 pounds of corn to the ton of hay. But it must be remembered that the nutri tive effects of food upon an aLimal are varied by many causes, and also that the comparison of foods is affected by the ob ject sought, as fat, growth, labor, milk, etc. The above is the relative amouut of nutri tive matter in corn and hay, as determined by experiment and theory. BELLS ON SHEEP.— 4 A good farmer in Leyden,who keeps about a dozen excellent Southdown ewes, always belled, was grieved and supnsed one morning 10 find that the dogs had raided his flock, killed two, mangled otber3, and scattered the rest. On collecting his litt e flock into tbe yard after a day's search he found that the tongue was lost, from the bell. This was replaced, and never since have his sheep been worried. The experiment is so aim pie and cheap that it is worth trying." THE following is interesting as a com parative table of sizeo f fibres, their diameters being given : East India wool 1-700 of an inch, China wool 1 760, Domestic wool 1-100. Leicester wool 1-lbuO, Southdown wool 1-2560, Merioo wool 1 1- 800, China grass 1-1100, and English flax 1-1800 of an inch. SOILS are improved by mixing. The physical properties of the soil have an im portant influence upon its average fertility. The admixture of pure sand with ciay soil produces an alteration which is often benefiiid, and which is almost wholly physical. Tne saud opens the pores of the clay and makes it more permeable to the air. A TEASPOONFUL uKuowdered charcoal, a quart of bran, and reiuse from the table, mixed and moistened with warm watt r, are the ingredients of a capital egg-pro ducing food for hens. HUMOROUS. " I TWINK 1 may l>e excused for a little show of pride iu saying that 1 knew when to quit Wall street," he observed, as HU elevated train carried him over that great thoroughfare. " So you used to speculate, eh?" 14 Yes, I was ou that street for seven years." 44 Made your pile, I suppose?" 44 Yes, 1 made and lost money the same as the rest. At one time I could draw my check for $98,000, and that wasn't so bad tor a nmn who wont iuto Wall street with only S4O in his i>ocket." 44 And you kuew wheu to quilt" 44 Yes, sir.'' 44 That was wheu —wheu —V" 44 That was when 1 had euough left to pay my fare to Elmirn and lure a boy to carry my satchel up to my father-iu-law's house!" was the quiet reply. A LUSTY railroader, of broad Teutonic dialeet, stepped into one of the Fort Clark stores recently with a liltlo brown jug,and asked for whiskey. Being informed that the ardent was not kept there, but that he could buy vinegar, he says: 44 Yell dot is him. 1 vants vinegar." The clerk drew the vinegar ami brought it to him Drawing the stopper and taking a smell, a black look of disappo ntim-nt and sut prise spread over his broad face, aud he said in alow tone: 44 Why dish is winegar," 44 Certainly," says the clerk, 44 ain't that what you called fori" "Vy yaas; dot is vot 1 said, but 1 vanted whischky, schtore in Dhanis vat sells him dot way." Being iuformed that Brackett merchants were not that kind of hair-pins the clerk kindly emptied the contents of the jug, and it is hoped he got his temperance vinegar before he left lowu. [St IAHIIS Republican.] It is very rare that the Republican con sents to editorially forward the interests of advertisers of what are known as patent medicines, as it does uot frequently fall out that we can have positive knowledge of their merits. However, we take pleasure in saying of St. Jacob's Oil from mdivldual experiment, that it is a most excellent rem edial agent, aud as such we can heartily rucummeud it. PEOPLE who witnessed the exercises said that they never kuew a man to straighten out a rope with more unstudied grace ami earnest zeal than William did. He seem ed to throw the whole vitn aud concentra ted energy of a lifetime into this emphstic gesture. As he hung there, limp and ex hausted, at the end of the rope, ttie chair man of the vigilaucecommittee said, while he took a cigar from vYiliiam's vest |>ek et and lit it, that he hail never known a man to jump iuto the bosom of the great uncertain with moreoAic, or more spright ly grace ami precision than William had. This should teach us the importance of doing everything thoroughly and well. Whatever we undertake, aim to do it bet ter than anyone else. It is better to la hanged, and know we have brought out all there is in the part, and know that we expiated our crimes in away calculated to win the respect of all, thau even to run for the Senate aud get scooped. [G&lTeston News.] The Madison, (Wis.) Democrat, in endeavoring to treat the wounds received by the candidates for the presidency, wisely prescribes St. Jacob's Oil. Of course we could not expect our worthy contemporary to do otherwise than recommend that fa mous Old German Remedy—which "heals all wounds but those of love" aud soothes all pains —save thoee of political disap pointment. IT is certain that the Solomon Islau 'ers seem to have become rather more than savage during recent years. An amusing story is told of an imported Polynesian nurse who returned to her own people af ter she had served her time. A "recruit ing agent" met her. and asked her il she would return to Fiji. 44 Well,' 1 said the girl, 44 I like it, but 1 don't km w if my pa will lei me go." 44 Oh,l see; the old folks live here eh ?'' 44 My pi live b it IUV ma's dead." 44 0h, how did the old lady die?" 44 Gentlemen come visiting, and pa get jealous ; so he fight and kill ma, then he put ma in a loco (or oven), and pa and his friends eat poor ma all up." 44 YES," whisiered the boy to Mr. Bar num. 44 I'm ready to pay for my ticket, but I want the privilege of goinc in by crawling under the tent." And Mr. Bar num agreed and ordered the guards not to interfere with the lad, aud after the boy had performed the feat Mr Barnum went inside, and asked his reafeons for it, aud the lad explained that he had got over seven dollars bet with boys who had tried the crawl and failed, that he would suc ceed in it. Humbugged Again. I saw so much said about the merits of Hop Bittters,aud my wife, who was always doctoring, aud never well, teased me so urgently to get her some, I concluded to be humbugged agaiu ; and I am glad I did, for in less than two months' use of the Bitters my wife was cured, and she has re mained so for eighteen months since. I like such humbugging.—ll. T., St. Paul. A SMALL boy was hoeing corn in a stsrile field by the road-side, up near Bethel, Indiana, when a passer-by stopped, and said : 44 Pears to me your corn is rather small." " Certainly," said the boy, "it is dwarfed corn." 44 But it looks yaller." 44 Certainly. We planted the yaller kind." 44 But it looks as if you wouldn't get more than half a crop." 44 0f course not," said the boy. "We planted her on shares." A RATHER verdant young man, con ceited and censanous, while talking to a young lady at a party, pointed toward a couple that he supposed to be in au ad joining room and said, 44 Just look at that conceited young prig! Isn't it perfectly absurd for such boys to go into society ? ' 44 Why," exclaimed his companion, 44 that isn't a door ; it's a mirror." AUNT PHEBE, a very tall old lady, had come lo live in Bertha's home, and one day Bertha's mamma was going away and said, 44 You can stav with Aunt Phebe, can't you, Bertha?" 44 No, mamma," the little girl replied, 44 Aunt Phebe is big 'nuff to 'tay alone." 44 WELL, Andre, have you worked hard at school to-day?" 44 Oh yes. mamma, l'K)k at my hands." And in fact the little flnvers were all black with ink. 44 Oh, it wasn't writing, it was stuffing paper balls into my inkstand!" MME. POMPADOUR had a fan made of lace which cost $30,000, and winch it took nine years to manufacture, so the Phila delphia News says. This must be the ori ginal 44 Pompadonr waste" we have sometimes beard about. 44 WON'T you take a hand?" asked the gambler. 44 No; 1 can't play," replied the musical policeman 44 1 only finger the notes occasionally," Then he swept the money from the table. MIRACULOUS LSOAPK: —A few morn ings ago Mose Schauinburg, on returning from market with a basket ul of spare ribs for his Sunday dinner, was horrified at seeing four or five of his children lean ing half way over the second story win. dow. "Hehildreu." exclaimed the excited parent, ,4 govay from dot window. Veu you all falls out and preaks your ueck deu you vill sav it vos not you vol done it. Go pack, I dells you " Educated Womeu. lb filled am) educated women will sometimes euffi rln Mileuoo for years from kidney dis eases, or oonii mutton mid piles. wtnoti <• >tild t a-ily be cured by a package of Kidiiov-Wort. There is liaidly a woman to be found that does not at some time stiff< r fr> m some of the die ts oa for which tlua great r luedy IH n Hp oilic. H is put up >n liquid an I dry IUI UIH, equa ly efficient- —>// i'ig/ic'i I'niutu A CUKOS player at our boarding house says he never sits down to dinner hut he is reminded of one ot the endings of his favorite game. How's that twe asked. Stale mate, says lie. A MAN who cannot govern his own temper should never try to control his wife's. Vegetiiie Will Cure Cancer. ntOOFI PROOF I PROOF I 11. R. STEVENS, ESQ:— lA'ir Sir, —About two years ago a Cnncrr made Its appearance on my face, left side of my none. When I first noticed it, 'twas about the slae of a pin head (very small). it increased in size, and spread on my face until it became as large as a common cent, t tried all kinds of remedies, and advice from a physician. It was spreading, and eating into my flesh very fast, i was very much alarmed. I went to see a physician who cured Cancers: he did not give me much encourage ment. It pained me very much; i suffered night and day. It would bleed ai times very profusely. Every thing was done that could be to try to cure the cancer. My brother had a Cancer on tils lip; he submitted to an o(R-ratton, being well dis couraged. I was one day tu Mr. \Noodberry's apothecary store, of this town, lie gave me your pamphlet, containing many cures by the use of Vegetuie. 1 found ou page 19 where Vegellne had cured a Cancer on a lady 's nose. I then bought a bottle of your VegeUne. aml it proved a great bless ing to uie; 1 could see good effects from it'right away. After taking three bottles. It stopped the spreading of the cancer about the edges; ttchecksd the eating luto my desh. 1 could see It was gradu ally healing. 1 kept ou takiug Vegellne, the cancer slowly disappearing, until 1 had taken sixteen bottles aud it completely cored it. It has left a isrge scar on one side of my nose; and 1 feel It my duty to recommeud Vegetuie to all like sufferers, as it is certaiuly a great "Blood I'urtfler." lam now sixty-three years of age, aud Vegetine has greatly unproved my general health. Yours, most respcclluily, WM. I*. CLKAVKS, 84 Federal SL, Beverly, Maaa. We, whose names are annexed, can testify to the atove, as Mr. Cleaves is au old resident of this town. C. WOODBERRY, Apoth y, RICHARD I'KDRICK, HERBERT S. Sill i 11, ANDREW L. EA TON, A. UUDDEN, Ui£u. S. MILLKTT. Vegetine. PKKPARKD RY H. K HTEVENb, Boston, Kwm. Vegetine is tild by All Druggiete. .ii. iron L Pimm.!. U? LYNI MUX, 'St* LYDIA E. PINKHAM'B VEGETABLE COMPOUND. I, a Po.ltt-e Our, ••rail Uoo P.Unful Cwwaptiitnta WbtMM eo common U our kwt hul* populll". It will car* entirely th* woret form of Female plaint*, all ovarian trouble*, Inflammation ait VlDera tion, Falling and Dtoplecemeat*, and th* ooneequeai Spinal WaaknaM, and to particularly adapted to tto Chang* of Ufa. It will dlsaolv* and *rp*l tnmon from th* ueerua In an early (tag* of development. Th* tendency to earn ••roue humore there le checked Tory rpoo (lily by It* uaa. It remove* falntn***, flatulency, deetroyaall era ring for stimulant*, and relieve# waakneee of the itomach. It cure* Bloating, Prarterhee, Nervoue Prortratioa, General Debility, flleeplomneea, Depreeeloa and IXkU fltlOIL That feeling of hearing doer*, rearing pain, weight end backache, 1* always permanently cured by It* u*a It will at all timer and under all rlreumstanoee act tn harmony with the K wt that govern the female eye*eta. Tar the cure of Kidney Complaints of either sax thto Compound to unsurpassed. LYDIA E. PIN WHAM'S VE6ITABM COM POUND to prepared at I3S and tS4 Weet.ni Arena*, Lynx, Mau. Prioe |L SU bottle* for #6. Sent by snail In the form of pUls, aton in th* form of loeangea * receipt of prlc*, fl P* r h"* foT Plnkhae Cr*ly answers all letters of Inquiry. Bend for psnfk lot. Addrees aa above. Mention tkii Papsr. go family should b# without LYDIA K. riaAHlB IJTXR rnxa. They cure constipation, bill so H and torpt 11 ty of the Urer. U oents per boa. r B*l4 by all Urugglsta. ]THEGREATCURE : FOB \ ;; RHEUMATISM I; / As It is for all diseases of the KIDNEYS, \ LIVER AND BOWELS. .1 It cleanses tho system of the aerid poison > that causes the drsadful suffering which * > 4 only tli* victims of Rheumatism can realixo. ( THOUSANDS OF CASES < of the worst forms of this terrible disease ( huvo bcea quiokly lelieved, in a short time ► J PERFECTLY CURED. J hue lind wonderful eucce**, and an Immense ij < sale in overy part of tho Country. In hun * dredß of cases it lina cured where all clso had i d failed. Itis mild, but efficient, CURTAIN ,IN ITS ACTION, but harmless in all cases. a * firltclcniiscs.Stroiigllieiißnnd glvesNew 4 Life to all tho Important organs of the body. iJ 4 Tlio natural notion of the Kidneys Is restored. V ' Tho Liver is c.nanaed of all disease, and the I Bowels move freoly and healthfully. In this >1 i way the worst diseases are eradicated from T ' the system. € As it has boen proved by thousands that il i is the most effectual remedy for cleansing the t ► system of all morbid secretions. It should be < used in every household as a ► 4 SPRING MEDICINE. Always cures BILIOUSNESS, t.ONSTTPA- * ► TION, PILES aud all FEMALE Diseases. '< 4 Is put up ill ltry Vegetable Form, in tin cvns, ► \ one package of which makes 6quarts medicine. < ; Also in I.lituid Form, very Concent rated for 4 the convenient"* of those wiiocannotreadiiy pre- > *< pare it. It acts teitheouai efficiency in eitherform. 1 ► GET IT OF YOUR DRUGGIST. PRICE. 81.00 < 4 WELLS. KICIIAItDSON' * Co., Prop's, > ON a recent voyage of theCunard steam ship Bothnia from New York to Liver pool, there was a Boston school-master among the passengers. He was greatly interested in watching the compass aud the course of the ship and liuving figured out that the captain's course was wrong, he fell compelled to tell him so. Haiti the schoolmaster: 44 Captain, if you continue in the course you are now sailing, you will bring up at Gibralter." The captain said he had friends at Gibraltar who would like •o tee him. When the ship arrived off Queenstowu, and the school-master was assured of that agreeable fact, he asked the captain how it was that lie could have been somislakeu in his reckoning. 44 Not being a schoolmaster, 1 can't say," an swered the captain, A World of Ouod. One of the most popular medicines now before the American public is Hop Bitters. You see it everywhere. People take it with good effect. It builds tlioin up. it is not as pleasant to the taete as s me other Bit ters, as it is not a whiskey drink. It is more like the old fashioned bone set tea that has done a world of go al. If you don't feel just right try Hop Bitters. —Nunda Sew*. A TKAOHKK in a lower grade in one of public schools received a new pupil the other day—a little miss of six or seven years, named, say Mattie Brown After taking her name for the school rolls ac cording to the custom, the teacher said : 44 W r hat is your papa's uauie, Mattie?" 44 Mr. Brown." 44 \es, but what is his first name?" •'Don't know —his name is just Mr. Brown." " Yes, yes—l know," theu as a bright idea struck her, 4 ' what does your mamma call him?" 44 Uli! 1 know what you mean now," the innocent child replied; 44 ma she calls him a durncd old fool!" It is safe to conclude that the teacher did not register the child's father a I). O. F. Brown. ONE Remedy for One Dollar—there is but one way to cure baldness, and that is by using Carboline, a deodor zed extract of petroleum, the natural petroleum hair re newer. It will positively do the work and is the only article that will. 44 My Sox,'' bhul a fond New Haven mother to her oldest son, who had just attained to cigarette-smoking size. 44 1 fear you are not making the most of your mauh od, of your selfhood my dear. I do so want you to become a man of great hearthood. Oh, James, for my sake, do exercise a little couseiencehood." 44 Just so, mother. You're quite rig.it. How long before supper is ready? My stomach hood needs a brace," and the dastard smiled because his mother was shocked at such flippancy. Tiik cures which daily result from the use of Lydia E. Finkham's Vegetable Compound iu all female diseases are really surprising. 4 Tm not very proud of your progrea- in school," remarked a New Haven mother to her son who was struggling along in grade live. 44 There's Charley Smart is way ahead of you, and he isn't as old. ' ,4 1 know it. Teacher said he'd learned all there was to learn in my room, and that left me without anythiugto learn." Guess the boy will keep. Cl'stomrk. — 44 1 dou't know how it is, but my clothes never lit n.e nicely. Now, you always make my friend, Captain Siol •crt's, coats to sit beautifully!" Tailor. 44 Yes, sir, but he's got shoulders to hang 'em on, if a gentleman's made like a champagne t>oillc no tailor can tit him !" [ Exit customer in dudgeon. | If you have scrofula, dou't fail to use "Dr. Lindsey's lilood Searcher." Sold by all druggists. It will cure you. The Financial Fk'hi.km : —An exchan ge prints, 44 rules to discover spurious hank notes." But we dou't want to dis cover bank notes of that description. It is the genuine kind we are looking for, rules for discovering several tliousaud of these kind would lie very acceptable. A r the conclusion of the ceremony at a marriage iu this city, a sweet innocent sat down to the piano and thoughtfully struck up, 44 What Shall the Harvest be!" and could not understand what the others were laughing at. 44 1 Think I'm losing flesh this hot weather," was what the butcher said when he opened his store in the morning and found that a side of beef had been stolen during the night. NOTHING like "Sellers' Liver Pills" for headache, biliousness, dizziness, constipa tion, fever and ague, and ail ma'.aria. 44 IT'S a useless waste of money to go to Europe for pleasure," says a level-headed exchange. And, besides, it's a miserable long, sloppy walk for an editor. Tuk people on the stage love to be called artists. Why shouldn't they ? Don't they paint ? Wu k x a person makes it hot for you* there is consolation in the fact that a cool ness is apt to follow. "It is Curing Everybody," write* a drug .ist. ' 'Kidney-Wort is the most popular mediotne we sell.' It eh nrid be by right, for no other medioine baa auoh specific actiou on the liver, bowels and kidneys. If you have those symptoms wh en indicate bil iousness or deranged kidneys do not fail to procure it and use fa thfully. In liquid or dry firm it is sold by all druggist. —Salt Lake City Tribune. Don't die in the house. Ask druggists for "Rough on Itats." It clears out rats, mice, roaches, flies, bed-bugs. 15c. Mkhsks. Morgan a Uradlt. Mutual Life BullU.ng, Tent ti uiid Chestnut atree s, hive on hand a superb stoi k oi extra tine quality Disc monoß, which they offer at as low prtces.M tones or the first qual ty, perfect alike In color tnd shape, can be solo tor. A Boom to Humanity is anything that will ease pain, and a public benefactor one who is able to relieve ail ments. The moßt painful of all bodily ills is surely piles, and such has been the absurd, empirical barbarous treatment of this terrible disease for 3000 years that scientific men began to despair, and a distinguished modern surgeon ha* pronounced it the "opprobiium of the profession." Afflicted millions tortured with pain and deceived by the false preteusions of Eile nostrums, cried out in the language of the ible: "Who is this that darkeuetn counsel by words without knowledge; canst thou draw out a Leviathan with a hook?" Dr. Bilsbee is a benefactor, and Auakesis. the great infallible pile remedy, the most beneficent disoovery of the age; a simple, safe, prompt and permanent cure for this terrible, painful and heretofore almost incurable disease. Half a million suf ferers pronounce it infallible; none use it without benefit, and doctors of all medical schools proscribe it It is the discovery of a scientific chemist and practicing physician after 40 years' experience, and pronounced to be the nearest to an infallible remedy known. Anakesin , Dr. 8. Bilsbee "a External Pile Re medv is sold by all first-class druggists. Price ¥1 00 per box. Samples mailed free to all suf ferers on application to P. Neustaedter A Co., Box 3916 New York. SPM FOB RHEUMATISM, Neuralgia, Sciatica, Lumbago, Backache, Soreness of the Chest, Gout, Quinsy, Sore Throat, Swell ings and Sprains, Burnt and Scalds, General 3odi!y Pains, Tooth, Eur and Headache, Erostod Feet and Ears, and all other Pains and Aches. No Preparation on earth equals Sr. JACOBS Oil as a na/r, aurr, minijtle and rhrnp External Remedy A trial entails but 'he comparatively trifling outlay of i>o OttlS, and every one suffering wltb pain cau Lave cheap aud positive proof of its claims. Directions In Eleven Languages. BOLD BY ALL DRUGGIBTB AND DEALERS IN MEDIOINE. A. VOGELER 6c CO., Bid., U. S. is Tke IpurlVi and Beat Medina* ever Hade. Aool|ybtnat>• to of Hope, BucHu, Man drak|band Don del ion, with art thebest and miMtcluri Uvc propartlee of all other Bitters, mnkes\tbe greatest Blood Purifier, Liver Res U |\a tor, and life and Health Restoring Agent earth. No rilvrasr possibly long exist where flop Bitters are ua\cd,so varied and perfect are their ope rati onami^R Thy givi aivllV' a4 vlgwto tbiplui lairm. To all whoee a Employments eauae irregular!- ty of the bowels or% urinary organs, or who re quire an Ai.ix-UwrVloolf and mild Stimulant, Hop Blttura are invai^^ 1 aide, without Intox icating. ■nm^h No matter what your fe^f lings or symptom* are what the disoahcor ailw® 4 '' ll Ul,e H*P Bit ters. lion't wait until you slcS but if yeu only feci bad or uii'i'i*tleS®*h | Nß at one*. It may save yourLfe.lt hasß* a ved hundreds. 9 800 11 be paid for a caw*a they will not I cure or help. Do not suffer I® 1 '' I your friend* suffer,but use and urge Hop B Remember, Hop Bitters Is vtla, drugged drunken nostrum, but the n d Beet MediHne ever made ; the "L"WDBB and HOPX" and no ixrson or jWW should be without thorn. D.I.G.i" an absolute and Irresistible forOruakenn.-we, u-e of opium, tobacco and 1 m narcotica All sel lby aroggtsta Send K J for Circular. Bug Bluer, Bf|. Ca., M BAB HOSIER W STOMACH ItTERS llioagh Slimkvu iu .Every Joint anil fl>er with fever and ague, or bilious remittent, the system may yet be freed from the malignant virus with Hostetter's Stomach Bitters. Protect the system against it with this beneficent anti spasmodic, which is furthermore a supreme rem edy for liver complaint, constipation, dyspepsia, debility, rheumatism, kidney troubles and other aliments. For sale by all Druggists and Dealer* generally. rCUPC-The Wrongest, Cheapest and mogi rKLNuEL Durable WIRE and PICKET F£NCR Patented duly, 18S1. Steel Post* for Wire or Board Fences will lasi a lifetime. If you will, would savs ruqpoy, or ilesire employment, send for Illustrated circular. Address, A. TODD, PuPneyrlile, N. Y. PENSIONS. For Soldiers, for Fathers, Mothers, Widows, Children, etc. Thousands yet entitled. Pensions for any wound or disease. Bounty yet due to thousands. Pensioners entitled to Increase of Pensions. New laws and decisions. Time limited. Apply at once. Enclose two stamps for laws, blanks, and instructions. E. H. GELSTON A CO., U. 8. Claim Attorneys, Washington, D. C. a.ooo Agents Wanted for 1.1 He of GARFIELD "contains the full history of his noble and eventful life and dastardly araait -mation. Millions of people are waiting lor this book. The bpst chance of your life to make money. Beware of "Catchpenny*' Imitation*. 1 Ulh is the only authentic and fully Illustrated life of our martyred President Bend for circulars and terms to Agents. Address NATIONAL Pcblmhpio CO.. Philadelphia Pa A LLKSI'a Hrals fues carve Aervuas 1)* biirty sue Vt •■akuee ot Wii*r*ilvc Organs, Sl— si! druggists. Bend for circular te ▲ilea's ftw aiay,JU first Avenae. M. I. YOUNG MEN graphy in four months. and be oertsin of s situation, address VALENTINE BROS., Janoeville. VJisoonsin. IHVfST lOURfiRHIHGS In the stock of the Denver Land A Improvement Co.; profits immense; paid in dividends over 100 per fin six months; absolutely safe; no personal liability: deal only In Denver real estate ; dividends paid regularly. Refer to any of the banks or business men of Denver. Any number of shares at TEN DOLLARS each, sent by mail on receipt of the money. Circulars sent frwn Address Archie C. Fink, Pra-ident; M. H. Smith, Sec retary ; A. H. Estes, Trees , 4.n Larimer Bt, Denver,CoL Sn n n A YEAR AND EXPENSES TO 111 Agents. Outfit free. Address F. O. 11l VICHEBY. Auguila. Me. It pay Agents te Sell the Standard Agricultural Bou* Farming for Profit New, Accurate. Comprehensive. A Complete Farm Library la itself. A sure guide to successful farming. TFI I Q unw TO Cultivate a\l Farm Crops. I tLLO HUH I II Breed A Care foyLive Stock. Make Money I U aafer'"' Save* many time* It* cost every Season. 860 pagei. U0 Illustrations Send for Circulars and terms to J.Cj_ McCUKDY & CO.. Philadelphia, Pa. P 1) T Tl 11 ct Buy the new book, AavJ.Xj XV Progressive Printer. It oontains many useful hints not found in any other II A A la' It is Illustrated and gives samples • of fine Job printing. It tells how to do the famous Rainbow Printing, also Gloss Work. Fuß of Information. Every printer, young or old, should send for it at once. The price is only Ak 1 4| 0 H ' WMYBREW, Publisher, tp I V V Rochester, N. Y. Agents c. Wanted 706 MARKET Street, Philadelphia, Pa. Send 8 cent stamp for terms and catalogue of novelties. Those answering tu advertisement wll confer a favor upon the advertiser and th publisher by statin f, that they saw the adver '* "knwtia w.rv9 *■* 1 O Fancy Written CARDS for 25c. ; 50 for 90c. ; 100 A for $ 1 75, by mail. C. K. BERG, Cresco, lowa. | HEALTH IS WEALTH, HEALTH of BODT U WEALTH Of WHO. Railway's mammi itm. Par* Moot a>rto Bound Scab, Kronf bono ant o oloar skin. It 700 would hxv# your flesh Area, your bonea sound without onrtes, and your oomptexion f tlr, sso Ksdwsy'i larasysrll* llgm A remedy 00mpoaed of Ingredients of extra ordinary mad cat properties essential to purify, heal, repair and invigorate the broken-down and washed body—<WTlg4, PLEASANT, SAFE and PERMANENT uTlts treatment and cure. Mo inwter by what name the oompialnt may be designated, whether It be Nero rain, con sumption, s> puiiLs, Ulcers, Sores, Tumora,Bolls. Brysipeias, or Salt-Rheum dlseasss of the Lungs Kidneys, Bladder, womb, Bkln, Liver, Stomach or Bowels, either chronic or constitu tional, the virus at the disease is in the BLOOD winch supplies the waste, and builds and re pairs these organs and wasted tissues of the system. M the Mood la unhealthy, the process of repair must be Unsound 'The Ssrssssrllllas Beeel went not only is s oorapeasiiLiuy remedy, but secures the har monious act ion of each of the organs. It estab lishes throughout the entire system functional harmony, and supplies the blood-vessels wltb a pure and healtbyeurreat of new Ufe. The skin, after a tew days use of the BarsaparlUian, b-- oomee clear and beautlfuL Plmpiea, Blotches, Black Bpots and flkln Erupt oas are removed; sores and Ulcers soon cured. Persons suffering from Scrofula, BrspUve Diseases of the Eyes. Mouth, Ban. Lags, Throat and Qlands, that have accumulated and spread, either from uu cured dlaeascu or mercury, or from the use of Corrosive Sublimate, may rely upon a cure if the Bamaparilllan la oontlnued a sufficient time te make lis impression on the tystem. one bottle contains more of the active princi ples of medicines than any other preparation. Taken la Teapoonful Doses, while others re ulre five c six times as much. One bellai •er Bottle MINUTE REMEDY. Only requires wisaci not hears to re lieve pain aad ours acute disease. RADWAY,S Beady Belief, In from one to twenty mlnutea, never tails to relieve PAIM with one thorough application; no matter bow violent or excruciating the pain the Rheumatic, Bed ridden, Infirm. Gripped Nervous, Neuralgic or prostrated with disease man suffer, IUDWAY'B READY RELIEF will afford Instant ease. IsUwwUes wf the KMaeyt. ValaMa (ton mf (Ira llliulrfrr Infltmvalion ol lh HowrU, Isugrkllou ef th* Lang*. Hers Throat. IHfllraU Hr-athlag. Palyltatlim er Ik* Heert. Unlrrka. Creep. Dlnh- Serle. t aUrrh, laflaaua. Uradnche, iethash, Ivarnlgia. KhrnaastliM. Celt Chills. 4ge Chills. Chllhtetes, aad Presl BMca. Brelaes, Meeanaer Ceea elalßts. Nrrvoeaeeas. Miespleaaneaa, Ceeghs Colda, Morwtua. Pals* IN |H t hrai. Back er l.lihs ere leal Nelly re- UavM. Fever and Ague. FEVER and AGUE cured for 60 cents. There Is not a remedial agent in this world that will cure Fever and Ague, and 01 her Malarious, Bill ot*, scarlet. Typhoid Yellow and other fevers (aided by Radway'S Plilt) so quickly as RAP WITT RKADT KBUkr. It will in a few moments, when taken accord ing to directions, cure Cramps, spasms, sour Stomach. Heart our n, Sick Headache, Diarrhoea, Dysentery, Colic, VN lnd In the Bowels, and all Internal Paint. Travelers should always carry a bottle of Rail way *s Ready Relief with them. A few drops in wa er will prevent sickness or pal us trom change of wat r. It is better than French brandy or bitters as a stimulant. Miners and Lumbermen ahould always he provided with it. CAUTION. All remedial agents capable of destroying >!h by an overdose should be avoided. Morphine, opium, str chnlne, arnica, hyoanamus. and other poweriul remedies, doe* at certain times, In very small doe-a, relieve the patient during their action in the system. But p -maps the second dose. If repeated, may aggravate a d In crease the suffering, and another dose cause deith. There Is no necessity for using these uncertain agents wb-n a positive remedy like RadwHy-s Ready Rel ef will stop the most ex crude; Ing pain quicker, without entailing the least difficulty in either infant or adult. THE TRUE RELIEF. JUBWATU RKJLDT RKLIXF IS the only remedial agent in vogue that will instantly stop pain. FlAjr Cents Per Bottle. RADWAY'S Regulating Pills. Perfect PurgaMves, aoothing Aperi ents, Act Without Pain, Always Reliable, and Natural in their Operation. ▲ VEGETABLE SUBSTITUTE FOB CAI/ 'MEL. Perfe tly tasteless, elegantly coated with sweet purge, regulate, purlf <, cl anse and atronotheiL IUDWAT'S PILLS, for the cure It all D orders ofthe 8 omact. Liver, Bvweis, K fneys, Bladder, Nervous Diseases, H ad.che. corstt<3 itlou, Oos tiveness, Ind gestlon, Dyspepsia. Billousn- ss. Fever, IcflamaUon of tlie Bowels. and all derangements of the Internal Viscera. War ranted to effect a perrect cure Purely vege table, containing no mercury, minerals or dele terious drugs. tw.obeerve the following symptoms resul lng frum Diseases of the Dlge -live Organs: Consti pation, Inward Plies, Fullness ox the Bio d In the Head. Acidity of the Stomach, Niusea, Heartburn. il gust of Food, Fulmess or Weight In the stomach, Sour Eructlons, Stnkl g or Fluttering at the Hear', Ch king or Suffering Sensations when in a lying posture, Dtmnes- of Vision, Dots or Webs Before the Big*t, Fever and Dull Pain in the Head, Deficiency of Per spiration, Yellowness ot the Skin and Eye, Pain In the Side. Che t, L tnbs, and Sudden Flushes of Heat, Burning in tue Flesh. A few doses of RADWAY'B PILLS will free the system from all the above-named Disorders. Price, 25 Cents Per Box. We repeat that tho reader must consult out books and papers on the s ibjeet of dls ases and their care, mong wh.ch may be named * "False and True," "Bad way on lrr< table Urethra, ** "Hadway on Scrofula," and others relating to different classes or Dls- MMB* •OLD BY DBUGGIBTB. READ 41 FALSE AND TRUE." ■end a letter stamp to RADWAY a co., Wo. S3 Warren, Cor. Clinreli St., New York. twinformation worth thousands will be sent to yon A QUINTETTE OF NEW MUSIC BOOKS! DITSON A CO. have ready for the Fall Trade, atul for the use of Music Teachers, Choirs and Singing Classes, the following books, of unap proachable excellence in tleeir special departments. | HERALD OF PRAISE. I The new Church Music Book for 1881-1882. Bend SI for Specimen Copy. Emerson's I IDEAL. | (75 etc.) The mew and superior book for Siuglng Classes. Bend 76 eta for Specimen Copy. Emerson's I SONG OELLS.I <*.., The new, genial and beautiful collection of School Songs. Bend 60 els. for Specimen Copy. JT-1 BEACON LIGHT. I 22. (30 eta ) All radiant with beauty, and full of ttu sweetest melody. For Sunday Schools. Send 80 cts. for Specimen Copy. Pf. I LIGHT AND LIFE. 1222 j (35 cts.) A large, well filled, admirably selected and composed, and every way desirable collection Of Sunday School and Gospel Meeting Muslo. Bend 85 cts. for specimen Copy. OLIVER DITSON A CO., Boston, CHAB. H. DITSON A CO., J. E. DITSON, 848 Broadway, N. Y. 1228 Chestnut SL^Phha. 330
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers