BY MEYERS & MENGEL.
TERMS OF PUBLICATION.
THRBKDFORD GAZSTTKIS published every Thurs
day morning by MBVEES A Mizazi,, at $2.00 per
a mum, if paid strictly tn advance ; $2.50 if paid
within six months; $3.00 if not paid within six
months. All subscription accounts MUST be
settled annually. No paper will be sent out of
the State unlees paid for n AKVANCE, and all such
übscriptions will invariably be discontinued at
the expiration of the time for which they are
aid.
All ADVERTISEMENTS for a less terra than
three months TEN CENTS per line for each in
ertion Special notices one-half additional All
g -solutiins of Associations; communications of
imited or individual iutcrest. and notices of mar
riages and deaths exceeding five lines, ten cents
per line. Editorial notices fifteen cents per line.
All legal Notices of every kind, and Orphans'
Court and Judicial Sales, are required by laic
t be published in both papers published in this
yl iice.
AII advertising due after first insertion.
A liberal discount is made to persons advertising
by the quarter, half year, or year, as follows:
3 months. 6 months. 1 year
♦One square - - - $4 50 $5 00 $lO 00
Two squares - 600 900 16 00
Three squares - - - SOO 12 00 20 00
Quarter column - - 14 00 20 00 35 00
Half column - - 18 00 25 00 45 00
One eolumn - - - -30 00 45 00 80 00
♦One square to occupy one inch of space
JOB PRINTING, of every kind, done with
neatness and dispatch. TUB GAZETTE OPPICB has
just been refitted with a Power Press and new type,
and everything in the Printing line can be execu
ted in the most artistic manner and at the lowest
rates —TERMS CASH.
LiTAll letters should be addressd to
MEYERS 4 MENGEL,
Publishers
Jfob
rpilE BEDFORD GAZETTE
POWER PRESS
PRINTING EST A BLISHM ENT,
BEDFORD, PA.
MEYERS & MENGEL
PROPRIETORS.
Having recently made additional im
proveinents it our office, we are pre
pared to execute all orders for
PLAIN AND FANCY
JOB PRINTING,
With dispatch and in the most
SUPERIOR STYLE.
CIRCULARS, LETTER HEADS, BILL >
HEADS, CHECKS, CERTIFICATES, j
BLANKS, DEEDS, REGISTERS, RE
CEIPTS, CARDS, HEADINGS, ENVEL
OPES, SHOWBILLS, HANDBILLS, IN- !
VITATIONS, LAB ELS,ire. \c.
Our facilities for printing
POSTERS, PROGRAMMES, &c.,
FOR
CONCERTS AND EXHIB ITIoNS,
ARE UNSURPASSED.
"PUBLIC SALE" BILLS
Printed at short notice.
We can insure complete satisfaction
as to time and price
rjpilE INQUIRii
BOOK STORE,
opposite the Mengc! House,
BEDFORD. PA.
The proprietor takes pleasure in offering to the
public the following articles belonging to the
Book Business at CITY RETAIL PRICES :
31 ISC ELL A N EOUS 1 IGOK S.
N O V E L S.
BIBLES, IIYMN BOOKS, &0-:
Large Family Bibles,
Small Bibles.
Medium Bibles,
Lutheran Hymn Books,
Methodist Hymn Books,
Smith's Dictionary of the Bible.
History of the Books of the Bible, j
Pilgrim's Progress, Ac . Ac., Ac.
Episcopal Prayer Sooks.
Presbyterian Hymn Books,
SCHOOL BOOKS.
TOY BOOKS.
STATIONERY,
Congress, I- e gal, j
Record. Foolscap, i
Letter, Congress Letter,
Sermon, Commercial Note.
Ladies' Gilt. - Ladies' Octavo,
Mourning, French Note,
Bath Post, * Damask Laid Note, j
Cream Laid Note, Envehqeea, Ac.
WALL PAPER.
Several Hundred Different Figures, the Largest
lot ever brought to Bedford county, for
saieat prices CHEAPER THAN
EVER SOLD in Bedford.
BLANK BOOKS.
Day Books. Ledgers,
Account Books, Cash Books,
Pocket Ledgers, Time Books,
Tuck Memorandums, Pass Books,
Money Books. Pocket Books,
Blank Judgment Notes, drafts, receipts, Ac
INKS AND INKSTANDS.
Barometer Inkstands,
Gutta Percha,
Cocoa, and
Morocco Spring Pocket Inkstands,
Glass and Ordinary Stands for Schools,
Flat Glass Ink Wells ami Rack,
Arnold's Writing Fluids,
Hover's Inks,
Carmine Inks, Purple Inks,
Charlton's Inks,
Eukolon for pasting, Ac.
PENS AND PENCILS.
Gillot's, Cohen's,
llollowbush A Carey's, Payson,
Dunton, and Bcribner's Pens,
Clark s Indellible, Faber's Tablet,
Cohen's Eagle,
Office, Faber's
Outtknecht's, Carpenter's Pencils.
PERIODICALS.
Atlantic Monthly,
Harper's Magazine.
Madame Dcmorest's Mirror of Fashions,
Electic Magazine,
Godey's Lady's Book,
Galaxy.
Lady's Friend,
. Ladies' Repository,
Our Young Folks,
Nick Nax,
Yankee Notions,
Budget of Fun.
Jolly Joker.
Pbunny Phellow,
Linpincott's Magazine,
Riverside Magazine,
Wavorly Magazine.
Ballou's Magazine,
Gardner's Monthly.
Harper's Weekly,
rank Leslie's Illustrated,
Chimney Corner,
New York Le iger,
New York Weekly,
Harper's Bazar,
Every Saturday,
Living Age,
Putnam's Monthly Magazine,
Arthur's Home Magazine,
Oliver Optic's Boys and Girl's Magazine Ac.
Constantly on hand to accomodate those who want
to purchase living reading mattter
Only a part of the vast number of articles per
taining to the Book and Stationery business,
which we are prepared to sell cheaper than the
cheapest, are above enumerate 1. Give us a call
We buy and sell for CASH, and by this arrange
ment we expect to sell as cheap as goods of this
class are sold anywhere
Jang 1870. t
&ht JitJforil (PaittU.
sffiterftlnnroti*.
LECT R I C
TELEGRAPH IN CHINA.
THE EAST INDIA TELEGRAPH COMPANY S
OFFICE.
Nos. 23 A- 23 Nassau Street,
NEW YORK.
Organized under special charter from the State
of New York.
CAPITAL *5,000,000
50.000 SHARES, SIOO EACH.
DIREC T O R 9.
Ho*. ANDREW G. CURTIN, Philadelphia.
PAULS. FORRES, of Russell A Co., China.
FRED. BUTTERFIELD, of F. Bu tterfield A C
New York.
ISAAC LIVKRMORE, Treasurer Michigan Cen
tral Railroad. Boston.
ALEXANDER HOLLAND, Treasurer American
Express Company, New York.
Hon. JAMES NOXON, Syracuse, N. Y.
O. 11. PALMER, Treasurer Western Union Tele
graph Company, New York.
FLETCHER WESTRAY Westray, Gibbs A
Hardoastle, New York.
NICHOLAS MICKLES, New York.
OFFICERS.
A. G. CURTlN,President.
N. MICKLES, Vice President.
GEORGE ELLIS (Cashier National Bank Com
monwealth.) Treasurer.
HON. A. K McCLURE, Philadelphia, Solicitor.
The Chinese Government having (through the
Hon. Anson Burlingame) conceded to this Com
pany the privilege of connecting the great sea
ports of the Empire by submarine electric tele
graph cable, we propose commencing operations
in China, and laying down a line of nine hundred
miles at once, between the following ports, viz :
Population.
Canton , 1,000,000
Mscoa fio:o0
Hong-Kong 250,000
Swatow 200,000
Atnoy 250.000
Foo-Chow 1,250,000
Wan-Chu 300,000
Ningpo 400.000
Hang Chean 1.200.000
Shanghai 1,000,000
Total 5,910,000
These ports have a foreign commerce of $900,-
000.000. and an enormous domestic trade, besides
which we have the immense internal commerce of
the Empire, radiating from these points, through
its canals and navigable rivers.
The cable being laid, this company proposes
erecting land lines, and establishing a speedy and
trustworthy means of communication, whieh must
command there, as everywhere else, the commu
nications of the Government, of business, and of
social life especially in China. She has no postal
system, and her only means now of coinmuuicating
information is by couriers on land, and by steam
ers on water.
The Western World knows that China i 3 a very
large country, in the main densely peopled; but
few yet realize that she contains more than a third
of the human race. The latest returns made to
ber central authorities for taxing purposes by the
local magistrate make her population Four hun
dred and Fourteen millions, and this is more
likely to be under than over the actual aggregate.
Nearly all of these, who are over ten years old,
not only can hut do read and write. Her civili
zation is peculiar, but her literature is as exten
sive as that of Eureps. China is a land of teach
ers and traders; and the latter are exceedingly
quick to avail themselves of every proflered facili
ty for procuring early information It is observed
in California that the Chinese make great use of
the telegraph, though it there transmits messages
in English alone. To-day great numbers of fleet
steamers are owned by Chinese merchants, and
used by them exclusively for the transmission of
early intelligence. If the telegraph we propose
connecting all their great seaports, were now in
existence, it is believed that its business would
pay tne Co9t wichin the first two years of its suc
cessful operation, and would steadily increase
thereafter
No enterprise commends itself as in a greater
degree renumerative to capitalists, and to our
whole people. It is of vast national importance
Commercially, politically and evangelically.
stock of this Company has been un
quH lifledly recommended to capitalists and busi
ness men. as a desirable investment by editorial
articles in the New York Herald, Tribune,
World, 'times, Post, Express, Independent, and
in the Philadelphia North, American, Press,
ledger, Inquirer, Age, Bulletin and Telegraph.
Shares of this company, to a limited number,
may be obtained at SSO each, $lO payable down,
sls on the Ist of November, and $25 payable in
monthly instalments of $2.50 each, commencing
December 1, 1868, on application to
DREXEL & CO.,
34 South Third Street,
PHILADELPHIA
Shares can be obtained in Bedford by applica
tion to Reed A Schell, Bankers, who are author
ized to receive subscriptions, and can givo all ne
cessary information on the sqbject. sept2syl
|]
j
combine style with neatness oi fit.
And moderate prices with the best workmanship •
I / |
JONES' ONE PRICE CLOTHING HOUSE i
601 MARKET STREET,
GEO W. NIEMANN. PHILADELPHIA. j
jzopll ,'68,yl J
I'
T KTTER HEADS AND BILL
I I HEADS, an.IKN VELOPESfor business men
printed in the beat style of the art, at THI GZIITTM
JOM OPPICM
PRINTERS' INK fias made "many a
businessman rich. We ask ate try it in
lite 'olnmssof **■ dA ir *i>
BEDFORD, PA., THURSDAY MORNING DECEMBER 2, 1869.
£Jnj-600d$, &r.
NEW GOODS JUST RECEIVED
AT J. M. SHOEMAKER'S BARGAIN
STORE.
NEW GOODS just Received at J.
M Shoemaker's Bargain Storo.
NEW GOODS just Received at J.
M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
NEW GOODS just Received at J.
M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
NEW GOODS just Received at J.
M . Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
NEW GOODS just Received at J.
M Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
BUY vour Dry Goods, Groceries,
Clothing. Hat 3, Boots and Shoes, Queensware,
Fish, Notions, Leather, Tobacco, Ac , at J. M.
Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries,
Clothing, Hats, Boots and Shoes Queenswaro,
Leather, Fish, Notions. Tobacco, Ac., at J. M
Shoemaker's Bargain Store
BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries,
Clothing, Hats, Boots and Shoes. Queensware.
Notions, Leather, Tobacco, Fish, Ac, at J. M.
Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries,
Clothing, Hats, Boots and Shoes, Queensware,
Notione, Leather, Tobacco, Fish, Ac., at J. M
Shoemaker's Bargain Store
BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries,
Clothing. Hats, Boots and Shoes, Queensware,
Notions, Leathar, Tobacco, Fish, Ac., at J. M.
Shoemaker's Bargain Store
BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries,
Clothing. Hats, Boots* and Shoes. Queensware.
Notions. Leather, Tobacco, Fish Ac., at J. M.
Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
Bedford, Pa., June 11. 1869.
TO CASH BUYERS.
NOW IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY to SAVE
your GREENBACKS !
Go SEE and BE COSVIKCRD!
G. R. OSTER & 00.
are now receiving a LARGE and SUPERIOR
X STOCK of new and desirable X
H WINTER GOODS, a
and are now OFFERING EXTRAORPINARV IN-
DCCEMENTS for CASH 1
EN
GC BRING ALONG YOUR GREENBACKS and we X
<\ U
-e will guarantee to SELL you GOODS as CHE AP NJ
as the SAME MAKE, STYLE and QUALITY can r_.
be sold in CENTRAL PENN'A.
DON'T FAIL to call and get posted on,
the new CASH prices before you BUY.—;
IT WILL SAVE YOU MONEY,
Bedford, Nov. 18, 1889. m 3.
TO CASH IH YERST
COAL!
MITCHELL & IIAGGERTY,
Shippers and
DEALERS IN COAL,
HARRISBURG, PA.,
Would respectfully beg the attention of
consumers of Anthracite coal to the
purity and cleanliness of that which
we are now sending to Bedford.
n0v4,'69m3
SPI DLE & MINNICH,
PAINTERS, PAPER-HANGERS, Ac.
The above firm are prepared to do all kinds of
PLAIN and FANCY PAINTING,
GRAINING, and everything in that line, in town
and country. Paper hanging promptly atended
to.
Shop on the corner of Pitt and Richard streets
opposite Hartley A Metzger's Uariward store.
oe!2Syrl.
DR. GEO. C. DOUGLAS will give
prompt attention to all professional business
submitted to his care. Especial attention given
to Obstetrics, Diseases of Women, and all Chronic
diseases
OFFlCE:—Opposite Inquirer building. Resi
dence at Maj. Washsbaogn's. Office hours from
10 to 11 A. M , and 4tosP. M. augl9,'69tl.
%bt IMFTML CSA ztttt.
HOW WK BAGGED THE BI'SIIWHAUK
ERS.
We arrived at about a half mile from
where they had bivouacked for the
night ;from the top of a hill over which
the turnpike ran we could plainly see
their large camp fire glimmering thro'
the trees, but could distinguish nothing
further. Imagining that they must at
least have taken the precaution of sta
tioning a sentinel on the road, I in
structed one of the darkies to creep for
ward and ascertain the fact, while with
my squad I cautiously advanced about
a quarter of a mile further on. Ned
soon returned, and reported that there
was a man slowly walking up and down
the road about a hundred yards from
camp each way, though beseemed to
be doing rather drowsy duty.
Upon this intelligence I formed nay
plan of attack. At the suggestion of
one of my sergeants I took down suffi
cient wire from a disused line of tele
graph, and selecting two favorable trees
growing on either side of the road, 1
extended the wire thrice doubled across
it, some two feet from the ground, so as
to trip up their horses, if, as they would
probably do, they should attempt to es
cape along the road. This spot was a
bout two hundred yards from tiiecamp.
Leaving my best sergeant with six men
to guard this pit-fall, with full instruc
tions how to proceed in every emergen
cy I could imagine, I then, with the
rest of my men, and guided by Ned,
made a long circuit around, so as to
strike the road about the same distance
beyond the camp. Ilcre I set up a sim
ilar wire trap, and left another six men
and a sergeant to guard that, with the
same instructions. All this we were
fortunate enough to accomplish with
out attracting the attention of the sen
tinel, who seemed to be more than half
asleep, and was paying as little heed to
outside matters as he was unsuspicious
of danger.
I then led the rest of my men by an
other circuit, still under Ned's guid
ance, to the rear of the eamp, so as to
fall upon them from the side opposite
the road, and oblige them to take flight
towards one or other of my two snares.
Thus far all had succeeded admirably,
and I began to feel elate in the prospect
of capturing the whole party without
firing a shot, when a mishap occurred
which came near marring our whole
plan. One of my men, a kind of a
nervous, excitable fellow, though brave
and reliable in other matters, seemed
to be constantly anxious lest his piece
was not loaded or primed right, and
kept perpetually fussing with it to be
sure of its being in proper condition.
And just in the nick of time, as such
things always do happen, when we
were within a hundred yards of the
quietly sleeping party, BANG went this
idiot's gun. I could have pummelled
him soundly then and there, hut we
had no time to lose. The shot, of course,
alarmed the Bushwhackers, who un
luckily seemed to be resting on their
arms, and all prepared for aeontingen
cyin everything but watchfulness; and
although I at once gave the order, and
we rushed forward with a cheer the in
stant after the shot fell, every man of
them was in the saddle before we reach
ed the spot. But they were sufficiently
taken by surprise to have no idea of re
sistance, and when we stopped at about
twelve yards and poured a volley into
them, they every man but one, whose
horse was shot under him, wheeled a
bout and galloped down the road tow
ards my second ambush. This was all
I wanted, and we followed on at a run,
shouting with ail our might and main.
By the time we had got about half
way towards my trap we heard a regu
lar tramp of the horses turn into a kind
of a confused, scrambling noise, mixed
with oaths and screams, and immedi
ately followed by a volley and a rous
ing cheer from my six boys who were
watching it. The other party, accord
ing to directions, now came posting
down to join us, and when I reached
the spot, a few seconds after, I found a
perfect pile of horses and men in the
road, who had scarcely recovered from
their surprise and stunning tumble.
We made a rush upon them, and club
bing such as offered resistance, with
little pains captured the whole party;
for so completely paralyzed were they
by their topple over the wire that they
fired but six or eight shots before we
had disarmed them all.
Having stripped 'hem of their weap
ons 1 sent a couple of men after such of
the horses as had made their escape;
and they were easily caught, as, hav
ing recovered from their scare, they
were mostly grazing by the roadside.
We then counted prisoners and casual
ties. The fellow who tumbled at the
camp had been captured by Ned and
his comrade. Four of their number
were hit, one badly through the body,
the others slightly—one being a fellow
I had cut in the arm with my sword,
as he raised his revolver at me when
we ran in upon them at the close. Only
one of our own men was hurt, a ser
geant, who was shot in the leg by one
of the guerillas before he could club
him down with his musket. This was
doing pretty well, considering the hand
to hand fight we had had. and especial
ly as we had captured eight men. The
three others had boen sent further on
by the offieer of the gang, on a plun
dering tramp, but not thinking it best
to pursue them myself, I sent an un
hurt sergeant with six men to hunt
them up. Three of the horses had been
hit or lamed, so that we had to leave
them behind, to the no small gratifica
tion of the negroes.
Then mounting such of the wounded
men as could still ride on the remain
ing horses, and taking the door of an
adjoining barn off its hinges, aud cov
ering it with blankets, as a stretcher
for the badly wounded man, I made
the four able-bodied prisoners hoist it
on their shoulders and carry hi in along
in the centre of the column. I need
not say that I took care to choose the
best beast for myself; having done
which we sett out on the homeward
journey, puffed up with vanity in no
small degree.
It was now full daylight, and as we
could see for some distance over the
sparsely wooded country, I dispensed
with the harrasjmig duty of flankers
and under the influence of success my
men dispite loss of sleep, a long march,
and an exciting combat, made along
at a pace of two miles and a half an
hour. The negroes followed us some
distance u ith theircries of 4 Hallelujah,'
and 4 Lord he glorified ,' feasting their
eyes quite as proudly as we on the
crest-fallen prisoners.
By breakfast time we rc|>orted at
camp amid the wildcat acclamations
of delight and gratulation from our
comrades, who now for the first time,
saw "live rebs," and envied our suc
cess not a little. And here occurred a
little/raccw, which illustrated so well
Colonel Stadeliu'S ideas of disipline
and the rights of officers that I may
as well mention the affair.
As we filed iuto camp we were, of
course, instantly surrounded by crowds
of enlisted men, and a group of officers
stood a little further off. While I left
my squad in charge of the prisoners
for an instant, to step up and report to
the Colonel, one of them began taunt
ing a rebel, using toward him some ve
ry mean and unsoldierly epithets.
At first the prisoner answered no
tyord ; but, finally, nettled at the un
manly insult, he turned upon bis ag
gressor exclaiming: "D—n you you're
too mean a Yank to notice, anyhow !"
Whereupon our man, brute as he was,
stepped up and deliberately slapped
the defenceless prisoner in the lace.
Colonel Stradella, with his charac
teristic sharpness of eye, had been
keeping a half watch upon these pro
ceedings while listening to my report,
and though tie could not hear the
words that passed, could easily guess
their purport from the gestures. No
sooner did lie see the dastard step up
to the rebel prisoner with uplifted
hand than he drew his pistol on him
with a " Santa I) la volo /" and the fel
low had no sooner committed his mean
assault than, withayell, he lay sprawl
ing on the ground. On picking him up
we found he had received a nasty
wound through the shoulder; but as
it was a proper requital for Ids coward
ly blow, he had little pity wasted up
on him, and was carried off to the hos
pital with the other wounded to be
examined and dressed by the surgeon.
And, though the Colonel had no
manner of right according to our views
of discipline, to use his pistol in so
reckless a manner, the ease was so evi
dently one of speedy retribution that
it was never mentioned except with a
"Served him right 1"
This first affair of mine was peculiar
in many respects. With one excep
tion it wa the only hand-to-hand tight
I ever had, and was one of the most
successful exploits in which I was ever
engaged. I can scarcely be said to have
been under fire, for not a dozen shots
were fired by the enemy, all told ; nor
was our own danger at any time great.
And, although I confess to having felt
nervous and "twitchy" while making
my preparations to hag the gang,
when once started into the fray 1 lost
ullsenseof anything but confidence
that we had netted them to a man.—
COL. T. DODGE, in Packard's Month
ly, for September.
A LOUISIANA ELECTION I.M'l IIENT.
1 heard another good thing to-day,
while loitering in the cosy room of
good old Mr. Barclay, the Journal clerk
of the House. It will be remembered
that the Election Committee of the
House went South last spring to Inves
tigate the election frauds in Louisiana.
While holding a session in the Teehe
country ttiere appeared before them a
strapping big negro, coal black, ignor
ant as a heathen but naturally bright
and smart. The fellow was looked up
on as a conceited idiot by the intelli
gent citizens of the place, but withal
he had great influence with his people.
The negro appeared, and after an
swering numerous questions, the fol
lowing took place between the Demo
cratic committeeman and the witness;
Ques.—Did you vote at the Presi
dential election ?
Ans.—Yes.
Ques.—Whom did you vote for?
Ans.—Grant and Colfax.
Ques. —Why did you vote for them?
Ans.—Because they had good princi
ples.
Ques.—Well, what are their princi
ples ?
Ans.—As I understand, they were
for good and harmony, and I always
vote for any man whose principles are
for good and harmony.
Ques.—Were any of them black
men ?
Ans.—Yes.
Ques.—Are you sure?
Ans.—Oh, yes!
Ques.—Well, which of them was the
black man ?
Ans.—Why, 3lassa Colfax.
Ques.—How did you know that he
was black ?
Ans.—Why, plenty of people said
so, and then his pictures proved it.
Ques.—llow did his pictures prove
it?
Ans. —Why, the medals distributed
to the colored men had likenesses of
Grant and Colfax. Grant looked
white, but Colfax was a darkey sure
pop, or else the picture lied.
About this time the Republican
members, who showed evidence of
nervousness, during the conversation
related above, interrupted and obtain
ed leave to put a question to the wit
ness.
When Patrick first tried peaches, he
said he liked the flavor, but the seedi
j lay hard on his stouaacb.
A NEWSPAPER HAH "COR A 1.1.ED."
I havn't dated this letter because I
don't know where I am. lam about
nine miles from Julesburgh, at a little
settlement on the South Platte river.
At daylight to-morrow lam to catch
3omeof the finest salmon you ever
saw. They will not bite at any other
time of day. I suppose they learned
this disagreeable habit of early break
lasting, from the "Bull Whackers,"
who navigate these plains. I am
stopping at a little hotel about thirty
by ten feet. The scarcest thing in this
country is lumber settlers having to pay
ever so many dollars a foot for all they
use, besides what they brought in their
valises. The landlord is from Penn
sylvania, and seems to be doing a
thriving business. By dint of hard
talking and libera) promises, I got a
room io myself. It was just large e
nough for a bed and candle-hox, set
on a chair, upon which I am writing
this letter. It is in one end of the
building, and separated from the next
room by a bed quilt, which you must
crawl under to come in or go out.
But it is my room, and after thejolting
I have had upon an Jtidian pony, I ex
pect to have a good night's—
Was ever poor pilgrim in such a fix?
Just as I had written "night's" above,
and had "sleep" on the point of my
pen, I heard a loud knocking on the
floor just outside the bed-quilt.
"Crawl under," said I.
Enter the landlord's daughter, a
buxuin young lady of about seventeen
years of age, I should judge. She o
pened her rosy lips and spoke as fol
lows :
"3lister, don't take off your clothes
to-night, when you go to bed."
"Why?"
"Because I am going to sleep with
you."
"Well if you have no better reason
than that "
"Hush! Shetup! You told par
you would not sleep with a man."
"I would rather sleep with a wet
dog."
"Well. I have given up my bed to a
sick man. I have been hard at work
all day, and have to work hard all day
to-morrow, and I can't afford to set up
all night. The bed is wide enough for
us both. I shall stay on the back side,
and if you don't stay on your side—
you'd better, that's all."
As she said this, she raised from her
dress pocket an infernal jack-knife,
such as farmers use in trimming fruit
trees, and then let it fali back with a
chug. 1 comprehended this situation
in a moment, and unto this miden I
quoth as follows:
"Miss young lady, your intentions
may, or not, be honorable. 1 am
travel ing enti rely by m ysel f. My nat
ural protectors are miles and miles a
way beyond the boundless prairie, ig
norant of the perils which may beset
their idol. Thus far I have not been
insulted by your sex. lam a man of
few words, but they are generally em
phatic. I will give you a part of that
bed, and that's ali I will do. If you
attempt, during the dark shade of the
night, anything contrary to this firm
detirmenation, by St. Joseph, my pa
tron saint, I will shoot you through
the midriff."
As I concluded, I laid a Slocum pis
tol upon the candle-box. A low chuck
le outside the bed-quilt gave evidence
that paterfamlias had heard and ap
proved the arrangement.
My antagonist laughed, aud saying,
"3fister> I reckon we understand each
other," she bounded over to the back
side of the tied. There she is now,
pretending to be asleep. I can't fin
ish this letter. I can't do anything.
Talk about the trials of the earlier
saints—about being broiled over live
coals—about being flayed alive—and a
bout being broiled in oil! What was
all that to all thi.it
SPEECH OF EACH ARIA H SPICER.
Or. the question, "Which enjoys the
greatest amount of happiness, the bach
elor or the married man ?"
Mr. President and Gentlemen, I rise
to advocate the cause of the married
man* And why should I not? I
claim to know somethingabout the in
stitution—l do! Will any Gentleman
pretend to say Ido not ? Let him ac
company me home. Let him confront
my wife and seventeen small children,
and decide.
High as the Rocky Mouutains tow
er above the Mississippi Valley, does
the married man tower above the bach
elor. hat was Adam before he be
came acquainted with Eve? What
but a poor, shiftless, helpless creature?
No more to be compared with his af
ter self thau a milldam to the roaring
cataractjof Niagara. (Applause.)
Gentlemen, there was a time, I blush
to say. when I was a bachelor; and a
more miserablecreatureyou could hard
ly expect to find. Every day I toiled
hard, and at night I came home to my
comfortless garret—no carpet, no fire,
no nothing. Everything was in a
clutter and in the words of the poet—
"Confusion was monarch of all he surveyed "
Here lay a pair of dirty pants, there,
lay a pair of dirty boots, there lay a
dirty play-bill, and there a pile of dir
ty clothes. What wonder I took ref
uge at the gaming table and the bar
room. 1 found it would never do, gen
tlemen, and in a lucky moment vowed
to reform. Scarcely had the promise
left my lips, when a knock was heard
at my door, and in came Susan Simp
kins after my dirty clothes.
"3lr. Spicer," says she, "I have
washed for six months, and I haven't
seen the first red cent in the way of
payment. Now I would like to know
what you are going to do about it."
I felt in my pocket book! There
was nothing in it, and I knew it well
enough.
"Miss Simpkins," said I, "Its no
use denying it, I haven't got the
stamps. I wish for your sake that I
had."
VOL 65.—-WHOLE No. 5,519.
"Then," said she promptly, "I don't
wash another rag for you."
"Stop," said I. "Susan I will do
the best I can for you. Greenbacks I
have none ; but if my heart and hand
will do, they are at your service."
"Are you in earnest?" says she, look
ing a little suspicious.
"Never more so," says I.
"Then," says she "as there seems to
be no prospect of getting my pay any
other way. I guess I'll take your of
fer."
"Enough," said I.
"We were married in a week ; and
what's more, we haven't had cause to
repent it. No more attics for me'
gentlemen. I live in a good house,
and have somebody to mend my
clothes. When I was a bachelor, gen
tlemen, I used to be as thin as a weas
el. Now lam as plnmp as a'poker.
In conclusion, gentlemen, if you
want to be a poor ragged fellow, with
out a coat to your back or a shoe to
your feet; if you want to grow old be
fore your time, and as uncomfortable,
generally, as a hedge-hog rolled up the
wrong way, I advise you to remain a
bachelor.
If you waut to live decently and re
spectably, get married.
I have got ten daughters, gentle
men (overwhelming applause) and you
may have your pick.
Mr. Spicer sat down amid loud, and
continued plaudits. The generous
proposal with which he concluded se
cured him fiveson3-in-law.
THE DITCH WIDOWEB,
"Mine frow was no better as she ort
to be, till shust before she died ; then
she was so good as before," remarked
Mr. Vanderhorn to his neighbor.
"Your wife was an amiable woman,
and you do great injustice to her mem
ory," said Swartz.
"Vel, vot you know so much about
mine frow for?"
"I was not intimately acquainted
with her, but I am sure that all her
acquaintances loved her."
"Vot right had they to love her ?
May be—"
"May be what?"
"May be you loved mine frow, too."
"Why do you speak so strangely?"
"Vy, von day, a pig ugly man,
shust like you, came into our house
and kissed mine frow right before her
face."
"Were you present at the time?"
"To be course I was."
"Well, what did you do ?"
"I kicked him right behind his
pack."
"Did be resent it ?"
"Yaw ; he probe me and te looking
glass and all te rest of te crockery
in te house, 'cept de fether bed, into
one tam smash."
"What did you do then?"
"Then I cried murder! murder! and
I called for te shudge and de shury,
and te police office and te constable to
come, and he run'd away."
"Do you intend to charge me with
taking such unwarrantable liberties
with thecampanion of your bosom ?"
"Me no charge notling for it now,
because she be ted and burried,"
"I wili not allow you to make such
insinuations. You are an old tyrant,
and everybody said you were glad
when you wife died."
"Everybody pe one tam liar."
"I saw no symtoms of sorrow."
"Me felt more wusht thau If my
pest cow had tied."
"Your cow? What a crmparison !"
"She was a great loss—a heavy loss
—for she was so big as dat (spreading
out his arms) and she weighed more
tan two hundred pounds."
"Look out, old man, you will see
trouble. I doubt if your wife was ever
kissed by any man after her mar
riage. At all events, you must apolo
gize for what you have said to me',"
"Vot is apologize?"
. "You must beg my pardon and say
you are sorry; if you do not, I will en
ter a complaint against you and have
you arrested."
"I pe sorry ten."
"Sorry for what ?"
"Sorry you kissed mine frow."
"You incorrigible idiot? This is not
what you must say, for I never did
such a thing."
"Must I say that you pe sorry that
you never did such a thing."
"No—you must take back what you
have said."
"Yaw—l must take back what you
have said."
While the Dutchman was in a dilem
ma, his friend Hans Bamberger came
along and finally succeeded in recon
ciling the parties when the trio ad
journed to a neighboring coffee-house,
Man—A bubble on the ocean's roll! ng
wave.
Life—A gleam of light extinguished
by the grave.
Fame—A meteor dazzling with its
distant glare.
Wealth—A score of trouble and con
suming care.
Pleasure—A gleam of sunshine pas
sing soou away.
Love —A morning stream whose
memory gilds the day.
Faith —An anchor dropped beyond
the vale of death.
Charity—A stream meandering from
the fount of love.
Bible—A guide to realms of endless
joys above.
Religion—A key which opens wide
the gates of heaven.
Death—A knife by which the ties of
earth are riven.
Earth—A desert through which pil
grims wend their way.
Grave—A home of rest where ends
life's weary day.
Resurrection—A sudden waking
from a quiet dream.
Heaven—A land of joy, of light and
love supreme.
The Pacific Railroad has six monster
[ locomotives specially to shovel snow.