The Bedford gazette. (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, November 11, 1869, Image 1

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THE BEDFORD GAZKTTE is published every Thurs
day morning by ME VERS A MRWOEL, at $2.00 per
annum, tf paid strictly in advance; $2.50 if paid
within six months; $3.00 if not paid within six
months. All subscription accounts MZ?ST be
settled annually. No paper will be sentout of
the State unless paid for is ADVANCE, and all such
übscriptions will invariably be discontinued at
the expiration of the time for which they are
All ADVERTISEMENTS for a less term than
three months TEN CENTS per lino for each In
sertion. Special notices one-half additional All
csolutions of Associations; communications of
imitud or individual interest, and notices of mar
riages and deaths exceeding five line--, ten cents
per line. Editorial notices fifteen cents per line.
All legal Notices of every kind, and Orphans'
Court and Judicial Sales, are required by law
t be published in both papers published in this
Yg" All advertising due after first insertion.
A liberal discount is made to persons advertising
by the quarter, half year, or year, as follows :
3 months. 6 months. 1 year.
♦One square - - - $ 4 art $6 00 $lO 00
Two squares - - - 000 900 16 00
Three squares S 00 1 2 00 20 00
Quarter column - - 14 00 20 00 35 00
Half column 18 00 25 00 45 00
One column - - - - 30 00 45 00 80 00
♦One square to occupy one ineh of space.
JOB PRINTING, of every kind, done with
neatness and dispatch. TUB GAZETTE OFFICE has
iust been refitted with a Power Pressand new type,
and everything in the Printing line can be execu
-1 in the most artistic manner and at the lowest
rates — TERMS CASH.
letters should be addressd to
Having recently made additional im
provements tc our office, we are pre
pared to execute all orders for
With dispatch and in the most
Our facilities for printing
Printed at short notice.
We can insure complete satisfaction
as to time and price
opposite the Mengel House,
the proprietor takes pleasure in offering to the
public the following articles belonging to the ;
Book Business, at CITY RETAIL PRICES :
N O V E L S.
'.Large Family Bibles,
Small Bibles.
Medium Bibles,
Lurberan Hymn Books,
Methodist Hvmn Books,
Smith t Dictionary of the Bible.
History of the Books of the Bible,
Pilgrim's Progress, Ac., Ac., Ac.
Episcopal Prayer Books.
Presbyterian Hymn Books,
Congress, ' Legal,
Record, FimUcap,
Letter, Congress Letter,
Sermon, Commercial Note,
Ladies' Gilt, Ladies' Octavo,
Mourning, French Note,
Bath Post, Damask Laid Note,
Cream Laid Note, Envelopes, Ac.
Several Hundred Different Figures, the Largest
lot ever brought to Bedford county, for
sale at prices CHEAPER THAN
EVER SOLD in Bedford.
Day Books. Ledgers,
Account Books, Cash Books.
Pocket Ledgers. Time Books,
Tuck Memorandums, Pass Books.
Money Books, Pocket Books,
Blank Judgment Notes, drafts, receipts, Ac
Barometer Inkstands,
Gutfa Pureha.
Cocoa, and
Morocco Spring Pocket Inkstands.
Glass and Ordinary Stands for Schools,
Flat Glass Ink Wells and Rack,
Arnold's Writing Fluids,
Hover's Inks,
Caroline Inks, Purple inks,
Charlton's Inks,
Eukolon for pasting, Ac.
Gillot's, Cohen's,
llollowbush A Carey's, Payson.
Dunton. and Scribner's Pens,
Clark's Indeilible. Faber sTablet,
Cohen's Eagle,
Office, Faber's
Guttknecht's, Carpenter's Pencils.
Atlantic Mon :hly,
Harper's Magazine,
Madame Demorest's Mirror of Fashions,
Eleetic Magazine,
Godey's Lady's Book,
Lady's Friend.
Ladies' Repository,
Our Young Folks,
Nick Nax.
Yankee Notions,
Budget of Fun,
J.! ly Joker.
I'hunny Phellow.
Lippincott's Magazine,
Riverside Magazine,
Waverly Magazine,
Ballou's Magazine,
Gardner's Monthly.
Harper's Weekly,
rank Leslie's Illustrated,
Chimney Corner.
New York Ledger.
New York Weekly.
Harper's Bazar,
Every Saturday,
Living Age,
Putn am's Monthly Magazine,
Arthur's Home Magazine,
Oliver Optic's Boys aud Girl's Magazine Ac.
Constantly "n hand Co '• tomodate those who want
to purchase living reading uiatttor.
Only a part of the vast number of articles per
taining to the Book and Stationery business,
which we are prepared to sell cheaper than the
cheapest, are above enumerated. Give us a call
W • buv and sell for CASH, and by this arrange
m it we expect to sell as cheap as goods of this
cl iss are sold anywhere
L E C T 11 I C
Nos. 2-1 & 25 Nassau Street,
Organized under special charter from the State
of New York.
CAPITAL $5,000,000
1) I R E C T O R S.
Ho*. ANDREW G. CURTIN, Philadelphia.
PAUL S. FORBES, of Russell A Co., China.
FRED. BDTTERFIELD, of F. Bu tterfield A C
New York.
ISAAC LIVERMORE, Treasurer Michigan Cen
tral Railroad, Boston.
ALEXANDER HOLLAND, Treasurer American
Express Company, New York.
Hon. JAMES NOXON, Syracuse, N. Y.
O. 11. PALMER. Treasurer Western Union Tele
graph Company. New York.
FLETCHER WESTRAY, of Westray, Qibbs A
Hardeastle, New York.
A O. CURTIN, President.
N. MICKLES, Viee President.
GEORGE ELLIS (Cashier National Bank Com
monwealth.) Treasurer.
lION A. K. MeCLURB, Philadelphia, Solicitor.
The Chinese Government having (through the
Hon. Anson Burlingame) conceded to this Com
pany the privilege of connecting the great sea
ports of the Empire by submarine electric tele
graph eable, we propose commencing operations
in China, and laying down a line of nine hundred
miles at once, between the following ports, viz :
Canton 1,000,000
: Macoa 60,000
i Ilong-Kong 250.000
Am°Y - 250.000
Foo-C>ow 1,250,000
Wan-Chu. 300,000
Ningpo. 400,000
Hang Chean.. 1,200,000
Shanghai 1,000.000
Total 5.910.000
These ports have a foreign commerce of $900,-
000,000, aud an enormous domestic trade, besides
which we have the immense internal commerce of
the Empire, radiating from these point') through
its canal- ami navigable rivers.
The eable being laid, this company proposes
creeling land lines, and establishing a speedy and
trustworthy means of communication, which mast
command there, as everywhere else, the coin'mu
nications of the Government, of busiifcss, and °f
social life especially in China. She has no postal
system, anj her only means now ofcommuuicating
information is by couriers on land, and by steam
ers on water.
The Western World knows that China is a very
large country, in the main densely peopled; but
few yet realize that she contains more than a third
of the human race. The latest returns made to
her central authorities for taxing purposes by the
local magistrate make her populatbn Four hun
dred and Fourteen millions, and this is more
likely to be under than over the actual aggregate.
Nearly all of these, who are over ten years old,
not only can but do read and write Her civili
zation is peculiar, but her literature is as exten
sive as that of Eurepe. China is a land of teach
ers and traders ; and the latter are exceedingly
quick to avail themselves of every proffered facili
ty for procuring early information. It i 3 observed
in California that the Chinese make great use of
the telegraph, though it there transmits messages
in English alone. To-day great numbers of fleet
steamer* are owned by Chinese merchants, and
used by them exclusively for the'trausmission of
early intelligence. If the telegraph we propose
connecting al 1 their great seaports, were now in
existence, it is believed that its business would
pay the cost within the first two years of its suc
cessful operation, and would steadily increase
No enterprise commends itself as in a greater
degree renumerative to capitalists, and to our
whole people. It is of vast national importance
commercially, politically and evangelically.
stock of this Company has been un
qualifiedly recommended to capitalists and busi
ness men. as a desirablo investment by editorial
articles in the New York Herald, Tribune,
World. Tines, Post, Express, Independent, and
in the Philadelphia North American, Press,
Ledger, Inquirer, Age, Bulletin and Telegraph.
Shares of this company, to a limited number,
may be obtained at SSO each, $lO payable down,
sls on the Ist of November, and $25 payable in
monthly instalments of $2.50 each, commencing
December 1, 1868, on application to
34 South Third Street,
Shares ear, be obtained in Bedford by applica
tion to Reed It Schell, Bankers, who are author
ized to receive subscriptions, and can give all ne
ceasary information vn the subject. sept2syl
'yrrE combine style with neatness 01 fit.
And moderate prices with the best workmanship
[sopll,'6S,yl |
|_ cnoice brands of chewing Tobaccos and Ci
gars, at wholesale or retail, is at Qster's. Good
natural leaf Tobaccos at 75 cents. Try our 5 cent
Yara and Havanna cigars—they cant be beat,
#rtt-<T>ootls, &r.
vEW (; < >Ol )S .11 'ST 11 EX • EIV E1 >
NEW GOODS just Received at J.
M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
NEW GOODS just Received at J.
M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
NEW GOODS just Received at J.
M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
NEW GOODS just Received at J.
M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
NEW GOODS just Received at J.
M Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries,
Clothing. Hats, Boots and Shoes, Queensware,
Fish, Notions. Leather, Tobacco, Ac, at J. M.
Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries,
Clothing, Hats, Boots anJ Shoes Queensware,
Leather. Fish. Notions, Tobacco, Ac., at J. M.
Shoemaker's Bargain Store
BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries,
Clothing, Hats, Boots ami Shoes, Queenaware,
Notions, Leather, Tobacco, Fish, Ac., at J. M.
Shoemaker's Bargain Store
BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries,
Clothing, Hats, Boots and Shoes, Queensware,
Notione, Leather, Tobacco, Fish, Ac., at J. M
Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries,
Clothing, Hats, Boots and Shoes, Queensware,
Notions, Leather, Tobacco, Fish, Ac., at J. M
Shoemaker's Bargain Store
BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries,
Clothing. Hats, Boots and Shoes. Queensware.
Notions. Leather, Tobacco, Fieh Ac., at J. M.
Shoemaker's Bargain Store.
Bedford. Pa., Juno 11. 1869.
/ I R. OSTER & CO.
Vie are now receiving oar us. ~a' extensive and
well assorted STOCK OF NEW AND
And are now prepared to offer SMASHING BIG
In Staple am! Fancy Dry Goods, Notions, Car
pets, Oil Cloth', Cotton Yarns, Carpet
Chains, Hats, Boots. Shoes,
Clothing, Brooms, Baskets,
Wall aud Window
Papers, Groceries, Queens
ware, Tobaccos. Cigars. Fish, Salt, i\c
fl e invite everybody to rail and see for them
Biusa ATOSG vot it CASH and we will guarantee
to SELL you Uoods as CHEAP as the same styles
and qualities can be sold in Central Pennsylva
Be assured that CASH in hand is a wonderfully
winning argument, and that those who Bt:r and
SKI,I, fur CASH arc always masters of the situation.
junelßm3 G. R. OSTEK & CO
Shippers and
Would respectfully hog the attention of
consumers of Anthracite coal to the
purity and cleanliness of that which
we are now sending to Bedford.
The above firm are prepared to do ail kinds of
GRAINING, and everything in that line, in town
and country. Paper hanging promptly atended
Shop on the corner of Pitt and Richard streets
opposite Hartley A Metzger'e Hariward store,
Has just received from Philadelphia and New
York, and now opened a stock ol the latest styles
All of which will be sold at very short Profits.
Bedford oct2Bm3
lbs IfMfjml feitte.
Young girls and riper matrons need
not go about robed like religious fanat
ics; but let those to Whom a high
necked and long-sleeved party dress
would be a grievous affliction content
themselves with showinga modest rim
of shoulder above their bodices. And
let them not forget that well turned
white arms can be seen and appreciated
without of necessity being exposed
clear up to the arm-pits. No fair young
girl ever lost anything in the estima
tion of men, whose opinion is worth
having, by appearing with neck, shoul
ders and arms chastely veiled in deli
cate lace or muslin, instead of exposing
them to the promiscuous gaze of a pub
lic assembly.
We hoard away the jewel that we
prize the most; we draw a curtain be
fore the picture that we dote upon ;
we hide our most sacred feelings in our
hearts; we veil the shrine of the tem
ple; we hedge the lily about lest its
whiteness should be soiled ; we want
to cover up from other eyes the things
that are the fairest, the dearest, and
the most sacred to us.
Oh, woman ! the most sacred thing,
the fairest and dearest that man has in
this world, is yourself. And I hold
that man's instinctive protest is the
best guide in this matter.
And the feelings of the father, the
brother, the lover and the husband,
when his nature is unperverted, is
that the arms that caress and enfold
him, the bosom, which is the dearest
home his head can have on earth,
! should be as sacred as was the holy of
holies in the days of old Jewish rites.
A woman's body is the temple of
her soul, aud her soul's outward sym
bol. What we want to keep pure,
holy, and undefiled, we do not expose
to be the common bait for all the eyes
of all the world, pure and impure to
gloat upon.
The way in which men, as a body,
act and express themselves, when
brought face to face with this dress re
form question, is inconsistent, unjust,
and ungenerous to women, aud un
worthy of themselves as gentlemen ;
they think because a woman is not
their sister, or wife, or sweetheart, that
it is no concern of theirs how she de
mcnas herself in this matter of dress.
On the contrary, they seem eager to
help push iier into a false position by
hypocritical compliments, and phrases
of hollow admiratien, which are as
false and bitterns Dead Sea fruit, if
i she will but stop to analyze the feel
! ings from which they spring, the mo
| lives which prompt them. Too much
familiarity breeds contempt. No one
knows this better than the man who
! watches over the dress aud deportment
i of his wife or sister with the stern
jealousy of an Oriental, while at t lie
same ttme he blandly encourages the
wives, and daughters, and sisters of
other men in every species of license.
Women do not always know—tiie
very young ones especially—that acer
: tain dash and freedom in the style of
| dress encourages familiarity in the
manners of men towards them. They
I too often follow blindly after the reign
ing mode, without questioning its
meaning, or theeffect it will have upon
men's opinion of them. They feel
strong because they- go in droves, and
! in droves they dare to indulge in a
j style of dress in which any one wo
I man would he ignominiously hooted
out of society, If she dared to appear
in it alone, and upon any occasion for
' which it is not sanctioned by fashion.
! If men would but give up their a
' bominable two-sided policy on this
question, and act towards every repu
table whom they find masque
rading in a disreputable attire, just as
they would un. fler like circumstances
toward their own wivef) ' daughters or
sisters, as far as is conv' ,tant sur *
roundingsand eireuinstanix/ moc ' e
of dress would soon be drive J 1 to
rightful home—the haunts of the p. "
ligate and the lost woman.
For my own dear countrywomen I
have one wish, which has moved me
to speak as I have spoken. Plain
words and hard words to say-, hut
words which must be spoken, never
theless, and which are better spoken
sooner or later. It is that they should
be known as the most modest of women
in dress and deportment, even as they
are now distinguished for wit, elegance,
patriotism and inate purity of charac
ter. Let the women of other countries
belie themselves if they will, by a
mode of attire which is in direct oppo
sition to the dictates of their natural
modesty, but let ours set a bright ex
ample in this respect to the world, and
then, indeed, the nations shall rise up
and proclaim the American women
blessed!— HOWAßD GLYNDON, in Pack
ard's Monthly, for September.
A patent has recently been granted
for a method of refreshing horses
while in harness, which consists in
making the hit hollow and having
perforations in it. A rubber tube ex
tends from one side of the hit to the
carriage, and by pressing a rubber bag
which contains water, the driver is
enabled to refresh horses whenever he
chooses without stopping. For saddle
horses the water bag is suspended
from the horse's neck, or upon the
pummel of the saddle.
The proprietor of a cotton factory
near Stockholm, Sweden, has purchas
ed a large tract of land in Southeast
Missouri, where he intends establish
ing colonies of his countrymen and to
build factories, &c., which will give
employment to 1,300 families. A por
tion of the colonists are already on
their voyage to this country.
"Why," said Bob Pitts to Will
Swipes, when he caught him drinking,
"I though ypu had signed the pledge?"
"So I have." said Swipes, "but all
signs fail in dry weather."
A I JEST CHILD.— II is Re-appearance
After Thirty- Thrge Years of Savage Life.
-Thirty-three years ago there lived in
Lewistown, Logau county, a farmer by
the name of Harris Hopkins, who had
a child, a hoy between three and four
years of age. One day while the far
mer was at work in a field some dis
tance from the farm-house, the boy
started from the house across the fields
to meet his father. The last seen of
the little fellow was when lie left the
house. Hundreds of people turned
out to search for the lost child.—
The river was dragged, the woods
searched, rewards offered, but all to no
purpose. After days of weary and
anxious search the little fellow was
given up by his friends. The few In
dians living in that neighborhood were
friendly and peaceable,and no suspicion
•ever attached to them, and the affair
was forgotten or Lalked over as a niys
teri jus disappearance. The Hopkins
family at length left their old home
and settled in Illinois, and up to ten
days ago none of the old neighbors in
Logan county had expected to see any
of the members of the family again.
The astonishment of the old settlers in
and about the old neighborhood can
be conceived, when, week before
last, a tall man, browned by exposure
to sun aud storm, and speaking the
broken English of the half civilized In
dians, made his appearance at Lewis
town, and claimed to be the child mis
sed thirty-three years ago. He stated
that a Cheroke Indian, wandering
through that section, had enticed him
from the field as iie was going in search
of his father, and carried him to the far
West. The old chief had treated him
as Ids own sou, and having been taken
away at so early an age, the memory
of his parents and former life had fa
ded from his mind. For thirty odd
years he had lived as an Indian, and
supposed that he was a son of the chief
who claimed to be his father. A few
months since, the chief,lthen high in
rank in the Cheroke nation, and very
advanced in age, found himself on his
death bed. Shortly before he died he
called his adopted son to his bedside
and informed him who and what he
was. As soon as the old chief was
! dead and buried, Hopkins carae to
Logan county i:i search of his parents,
| whom he found had moved to Cam
paign City, HI. He, however ramain
i ed last week at Lewistown to gratify
the curiosity of the old settlers who
had aided in the search for him thirty
three years ago. Ilisrcappeaiance has
caused quite us much excitement in Lo
gan county, as did his sudden and
j mysterious disappearance a third of a
| century ago.— Sandusky [Ohio] Regis
, ter, July 28.
Which ? Why the one that your
mother taught you. Did you ever
think, short though it be, how much
there is in it ? Like a diamond in the
crown of a queen, it unites a thousand
sparkling gems in one.
It teaches all of us, every one of us,
to look to God as our parent—"Our
It prompts us to raise our thoughts
and desires above the earth—"Who art
in Ileaven."
It tells us we must reverence our
Heavenly Father—"Hallowed he thy
It breathes a missionary spirit—"Thy
kingdom come."
Aud a submissive, obedient spirit—
"Thy will be done on earth as it is in
And a depending, .trusting spirit—
"Give us this day our daily bread."
And a forgiving spirit—Forgive us
our tresspasses as we forgive those who
tresspass against us."
And a cautious spirit—"Deliver us
from evil."
And last of all an adoring spirit—
"For thine is the kingdom, and the
power, and the glory forever and ever.
Now is it not both a wonderful ar.d
a beautiful prayer? Jesus, our dear
Savior, taught it, and who could bot-
IfT tell us how to pray to His Father
and PUT Father, to His God and our
A MASONIC PIN.—A good story is
told of a confident individual, evident
ly well "read up" in the mysteries,
who applied at the outer reception
room of a Boston Masonic Lodge for
admission. An eminent brother, who
was quietly sitting there, but made no
sign that he was anybody, requested
the stranger to be seated, and he would
send in for proper persons to examine
the credentials of the visitor. "Oh!
its no matter about that; I'm all right"
said the applicant, making sundry ex
traordinary passes with his hand and
contortions of visage. "That maybe
but 1 think they alwaysexamine stran
gers who desire to visit the Lodge,"
said the attending brother. "Well,
I'm ready for 'em," said the visitor,
confidently. "Glad to hear it—that is
quite an elaborate breast pin you have
there?" said the other looking with
some interest at. the big letter G,
which the visitor conspicuously dis
played upon his shirt bosom. Ya-as,
that's a Masonic pin," replied the
wearer, swelling out his breast. "In
deed—Letter G—well. I suppose you
know what that means?" "Oh, yes,
certainly; letter G stands for Jerusa
lem a sorter head quarters of us Ma
sons, you know." The querist didn't
know it, and the applicant, it is almost
unnecessary to state, did not get any
further into the Lodge.
A Schoolmaster in a Lancaster coun
ty public school was drilling a class of
youngsters in arithmetic. He said to
them: "If I cut an apple in two, what
will the parts he?" "Halves!" was
the answer. If 1 cut the halves in two
what would you call the parts?"
"Quarters!" "If I cut the quarters n
two what would the parts be?" An
swer (unanimously,) "Sniis!"
THE FALLEN SON.—Follow him
home from the scene of his debauch.
He is an only son. On him the family
are centered. Every nerve has been
strained to give him the choicest edu
cation. Parents and sisters gloried in
his talents. Alas! already are these vi
sions less bright. Enter now the fam
ily circle. Parents surrounded by love
ly daughters. Within that circle
reigns peace, virtue and refinement.—
The evening has been spent in anima
ted conversation and the sweet inter
change of affectionate endearment. But
there is one who used to share all this,
who was the centre of that circle. Why
is he not here? The hour of devotion
has come; they kneel before their
Father and God. A voice that used to
mingle in their praises is wanting. An
hour rolls away—another has gone.—
Why has all cheerfulness gone? Why
do these parents start at every foot
step ? The step of that son and broth
er is heard. The door is opened—he
staggers in before them, and is stretch
ed out at their feet in all the loathsome
ness of intoxication. "Oh, who shall
tell tiie sorrows of a home made dark
with sin ?"
thirty-two years ago there resided in
the town of Hebron, a certain Dr. 'l.,
who became very much enamored of a'
beautiful young lady, a resident of the
same town. The Doctor was a strong
Presbyterian, and his lady love a de
cided Baptist. They were sitting to
gether, one evening, talking of their
approaching nuptials, when the Dr.
"I am thinking, my dear, of two e
vents I shall number the happiest of
my life."
"And what may they be, Doctor?"
remarked the lady.
"One is the hour when I shall call
you wife for the first time."
"And the other?"
"It is when we shall present our
first-born for baptism."
"What, sprinkled?"
"Yes, my dear, sprinkled."
"Never shall a child of mine Li
"But mine shall."
"They will be, hey?"
"Well, sir, tlieu I can tell you that
your babies won't be my babies. So,
good night, sir."
FRITTERS. —"In a warm contest, a
number of years, since, for a seat in
Congress, between that old prince of
electioneers, John Taliaferro, and Col.
Gibson, the former had been success
ful in obtaining the support of a nu
merous family by the name of Fritter.
It was the custom at that day, in Vir
ginia, for the candidates to take their
seats on the court bench during the e
lection, and to thank each individual
as lie cast his vote, the voting being viva
voce. As the members of this family
came forward and severally cast their
votes, Mr. T., with a graceful bow,
would exclaim, 'Thank you, Mr. Frit
tor. His opponent Col. G. who had
not been aware of the great number of
this family, stood it patiently until a
bout fifteen had cast their votes against
him, when, losing his patience he ex
claimed, 'Well, really, I think we have
had fritters enough ; I am quite tired
of them, and should greatly prefer
seme pancakes!"
Dresden there is an iron egg, the his
tory of which is something like this:
A young Prince sent this iron egg to
a young lady to whom he was betroth
ed. She received it in her hands and
looked at it with disdain. In her in
dignation that he should send her such
a gift, she cast it to the earth. When
it touched the ground, a spring cun
ningly hidden in the egg, opened, and
a silver yolk rolled out. She touched
a spring in the yolk and a golden
chicken was found; she touched a
spring in the chicken and a crown was
found within ; she touched a spring in
the crown, and in it a diamond wed
ding ring was found.
There is a moral to tiiis story-, and
that is, it will not do to trust to out
ward "appearances."
In Arkansas, Elder Knapp, while
baptising converts at a revival meet
ing, advanced with a wiry, sharp-eyed
old chap in the water ; asked the usual
question, whether there was any reason
why the ordinance of baptism should
not be administered. After a pause, a
tall, powerful looking chap, with an
eye like a blaze, who was leaning on a
long rifie and quietly looking on, re
marked : "Elder, I don't want ter in
terfere in this yer business any, but I
want to say that that is an old sin
ner you have got hold of, and I know
that one dip wont do him any good.
If you want to get the sin out of him,
you'll have to anchor him out in deep
water over night."
Two negroes jumped from a train
running forty miles an hour, in Geor
gia, last week. One landed on his
head,and at last accounts was combing
his hair with a horse rake to get out
some boulders it had accumulated in the
process. The other struck his shin a
gainst a decayed stump and gave a job
to the eoroner.
SONOROUS— Lady (who is canvass
ing for a choir at the village church)
—1 hope, Mrs. Giles, you will persuade
your husband to join us. lam told he
has a very sonorous voice.
Mrs. Giles.—A sonorous voice, inarm?
All yon should hearitcomin'outof his
hisuose when he's asleep.
AN honest dame in the town of
Rome, standing beside the corpse of
her deceased husband, bewailing in pl
tious tones his untimely departure,
observed: "It's a pity he's dead, for
his teeth are as good as they ever
American wheat is being largely ex
ported to England. Good.
VOL. 65.—WHOLE No. 5,516
There is only one excuse for impu
dence, and that is ignorance.
A cramped waist generally betokens
brains in a similar condition.
Why is an over worked horse like an
umbrella ? Because it is used up.
Toeing out craft—Kicking a blackleg
down stairs.
Of all the dust thrown into men's
eyes, gold dust is the most blinding.
Mr. Quilp finds that water resemble s
equity when itsjust ice.
If a young lady bids you take heart,
does it mean that you can take hers.
What should a clergyman preach
about ? About a quarter of an hour.
A "smile" that foretells sorrow—the
one you take in a bar-room.
Shrewd inquiries are being made
whether the cup of sorrow has a sau
The surest way to lose your own
health is to keep drinking other peo
"Why is an old cheese like an A
merican dollar ? Because it's 'all ini
What does a telegraph operator do
when he receives the heads of import
ant news? Waits for details, of course.
Bad economy—buying things because
they are cheap, whether you want
them or not.
A batchelor is a traveler on life's
railroad, who has entirely failed to
make proper connection.
A woman was recently arrested in
Chicago for carrying a concealed weap
on. It was her tongue.
-Why are wheat and potatoes like the
idols of old ? Because the former have
ears and hear not, and the latter eyes
but see not.
The complexion of a girl of the peri
od differs from a railway season ticket
—the one is, and the other is not trans
Aid often comes at the right time—
but this is not the case when the point
of somebody's boot assists you in com
ing down stairs.
"Hans, where do yon live?" "A
cross the river init der turnpike s
by der school as you go up mit your
right hand on de other side."
After so many years, it has been dis
covered that Queen Victoria has big
feet. But then, a good many would
like to fill her shoes.
Bigby is of opinion that there are
writers whose ideas are so high, that
like the peaks of lofty mountains, they
are continually in the clouds—cloudy.
"Boy, what are you hollering for
when I go by !"
"What are you going by for when I
am hollering."
A lady caught her husband breaking
her hoops. Two hours afterwards, the
unfortunate man was seen at a drug
store purchasing hair restorative.
"Swear the ghost!" said a testy old
Judge, when an advocate pleading be
fore him "opened" to the jury some
revelation from the world of spirits.
Josh Billings defines "a thurrerbred
biziness man" as "wun that knows
enuff about steelin' so there kant enny
body steel from him, and enutf about
law so that he can do his steelin'legal
"This world is all a fleeting show,'**
said a minister to a culprit on the gal
lows, "Yes," was the prompt reply,
"but if you have no objection, I'd rath
er see the show a little longer,"
A magistrate asked a prisoner if he
were married. "No," replied the man.
" Then," said his worship, amid peals
of laughter, "it's a good thing for your
"The blessed man that preached for
us last Sunday," said Mrs. Partington,
the lord for thirty years—first
as a circus rider, then as a locust preach
er, and last as an exhauster."
A man attempted to spell 'crockery'
the other day, and proceeded thus,
'kraughkearreighe,' but expired in a
spasm before lie could make ay, with
Which he intended to end the word.
The daily papers tell of the splendors
of the gambling rooms of New York.
If the gamblers are sumptuously hou -
ed as the reports would have us believe
it is clear that a gambler's room is bet
ter than his company.
Men will argue more forcibly about
the human heart, but a woman will
read the heart much better. Women
have most wit, "men the most genius.
Women observe; men reason. The
world is a book of woman.
A lawyer on asking a Dutchman con
cerning a pig, in court.
"What ear marks had he?"
"Veil, veil I first became acquainted
mit the hoch, he had no ear marks ex
cept a berry short tail."
Kisses admit of a greater variety of
character than perhaps many are aware
of. Eight casial diversities are men
tioned in Scripture, viz: The kiss of
Salutation, Valediction, Reconciliation,
Subjection, Approbation, Adoration,
Treachery and Affection.
Scene in Utah.—First Mormon—"!
wonder who that blonde is ? A nice
Second Mormon—"Why, don't you
know! Its your wife."
First Mormon-"So I thought
I had seen her before."
Rothschild and. the Archbishop of
Paris met at a public diuner sometime
since, and arrived at the door. Nei
ther wished to enter first—the Jew
showing respect, the Christian toler
ance. Finally, the Archbishop cried
out: "M. Rothschild, you are the son
of Moses ; I am the servant of Jesus;
you have the precedence of age. The
Old Testament is more venerable than
the New." And the banker went in