The Bedford gazette. (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, November 11, 1869, Image 1
BY MEYERS & MENGEL. TERMS OF PUBLICATION. THE BEDFORD GAZKTTE is published every Thurs day morning by ME VERS A MRWOEL, at $2.00 per annum, tf paid strictly in advance; $2.50 if paid within six months; $3.00 if not paid within six months. All subscription accounts MZ?ST be settled annually. No paper will be sentout of the State unless paid for is ADVANCE, and all such übscriptions will invariably be discontinued at the expiration of the time for which they are aid. All ADVERTISEMENTS for a less term than three months TEN CENTS per lino for each In sertion. Special notices one-half additional All csolutions of Associations; communications of imitud or individual interest, and notices of mar riages and deaths exceeding five line--, ten cents per line. Editorial notices fifteen cents per line. All legal Notices of every kind, and Orphans' Court and Judicial Sales, are required by law t be published in both papers published in this place Yg" All advertising due after first insertion. A liberal discount is made to persons advertising by the quarter, half year, or year, as follows : 3 months. 6 months. 1 year. ♦One square - - - $ 4 art $6 00 $lO 00 Two squares - - - 000 900 16 00 Three squares S 00 1 2 00 20 00 Quarter column - - 14 00 20 00 35 00 Half column 18 00 25 00 45 00 One column - - - - 30 00 45 00 80 00 ♦One square to occupy one ineh of space. JOB PRINTING, of every kind, done with neatness and dispatch. TUB GAZETTE OFFICE has iust been refitted with a Power Pressand new type, and everything in the Printing line can be execu -1 in the most artistic manner and at the lowest rates — TERMS CASH. letters should be addressd to MEYERS A MENGEL, Publishers. printing. mil BEDFORD GAZETTE POWER PRESS PItIN TIN G ESTABLISHMENT, BEDFORD, PA. MEYERS & MENGEL PROPRIETORS. Having recently made additional im provements tc our office, we are pre pared to execute all orders for PLAIN AND FANCY FO B PRINTING, With dispatch and in the most SUP E R ion STYLE. CIRCULARS, LETTER HEADS, RILL HEADS, CHECKS, CERTIFICATES, BLANKS. DEEDS, REGISTERS, RE CEIPTS, CARDS, HEADINGS, ENVEL OPES, SHOWBILLS, HANDBILLS, IN VITATIONS, LABELS.ifC. Ife. Our facilities for printing .POSTERS, PROGRAMMES, Ac., FOR CONCERTS AND EXHIBITIONS, ARE UNSURPASSED. " PUBLIC SALE" BILLS Printed at short notice. We can insure complete satisfaction as to time and price nniiE INQUIRER BOOKS T O R E, opposite the Mengel House, BEDFORD, PA. the proprietor takes pleasure in offering to the public the following articles belonging to the ; Book Business, at CITY RETAIL PRICES : MISCELLANEOUS BOOKS. N O V E L S. BIBLES, HYMN BOOKS, &C '.Large Family Bibles, Small Bibles. Medium Bibles, Lurberan Hymn Books, Methodist Hvmn Books, Smith t Dictionary of the Bible. History of the Books of the Bible, Pilgrim's Progress, Ac., Ac., Ac. Episcopal Prayer Books. Presbyterian Hymn Books, SCHOOL BOOKS. TOY BOOKS. STATIONERY, Congress, ' Legal, Record, FimUcap, Letter, Congress Letter, Sermon, Commercial Note, Ladies' Gilt, Ladies' Octavo, Mourning, French Note, Bath Post, Damask Laid Note, Cream Laid Note, Envelopes, Ac. WALL PAPER. Several Hundred Different Figures, the Largest lot ever brought to Bedford county, for sale at prices CHEAPER THAN EVER SOLD in Bedford. BLANK BOOKS. Day Books. Ledgers, Account Books, Cash Books. Pocket Ledgers. Time Books, Tuck Memorandums, Pass Books. Money Books, Pocket Books, Blank Judgment Notes, drafts, receipts, Ac INKS AND INKSTANDS. Barometer Inkstands, Gutfa Pureha. Cocoa, and Morocco Spring Pocket Inkstands. Glass and Ordinary Stands for Schools, Flat Glass Ink Wells and Rack, Arnold's Writing Fluids, Hover's Inks, Caroline Inks, Purple inks, Charlton's Inks, Eukolon for pasting, Ac. PENS AND PENCILS. Gillot's, Cohen's, llollowbush A Carey's, Payson. Dunton. and Scribner's Pens, Clark's Indeilible. Faber sTablet, Cohen's Eagle, Office, Faber's Guttknecht's, Carpenter's Pencils. PERIODICALS. Atlantic Mon :hly, Harper's Magazine, Madame Demorest's Mirror of Fashions, Eleetic Magazine, Godey's Lady's Book, Galaxy. Lady's Friend. Ladies' Repository, Our Young Folks, Nick Nax. Yankee Notions, Budget of Fun, J.! ly Joker. I'hunny Phellow. Lippincott's Magazine, Riverside Magazine, Waverly Magazine, Ballou's Magazine, Gardner's Monthly. Harper's Weekly, rank Leslie's Illustrated, Chimney Corner. New York Ledger. New York Weekly. Harper's Bazar, Every Saturday, Living Age, Putn am's Monthly Magazine, Arthur's Home Magazine, Oliver Optic's Boys aud Girl's Magazine Ac. Constantly "n hand Co '• tomodate those who want to purchase living reading uiatttor. Only a part of the vast number of articles per taining to the Book and Stationery business, which we are prepared to sell cheaper than the cheapest, are above enumerated. Give us a call W • buv and sell for CASH, and by this arrange m it we expect to sell as cheap as goods of this cl iss are sold anywhere Jan2lß7o 3tisrflUmtous. L E C T 11 I C ' J TELfeGRAPH IN CHINA. THE EAST INDIA TELEGRAPH COMPANY S OFFICE, Nos. 2-1 & 25 Nassau Street, NEW YORK Organized under special charter from the State of New York. CAPITAL $5,000,000 50,000 SHARES, SIOO EACH. 1) I R E C T O R S. Ho*. ANDREW G. CURTIN, Philadelphia. PAUL S. FORBES, of Russell A Co., China. FRED. BDTTERFIELD, of F. Bu tterfield A C New York. ISAAC LIVERMORE, Treasurer Michigan Cen tral Railroad, Boston. ALEXANDER HOLLAND, Treasurer American Express Company, New York. Hon. JAMES NOXON, Syracuse, N. Y. O. 11. PALMER. Treasurer Western Union Tele graph Company. New York. FLETCHER WESTRAY, of Westray, Qibbs A Hardeastle, New York. NICHOLAS MICKLRS, New York. OFF IC ER S. A O. CURTIN, President. N. MICKLES, Viee President. GEORGE ELLIS (Cashier National Bank Com monwealth.) Treasurer. lION A. K. MeCLURB, Philadelphia, Solicitor. The Chinese Government having (through the Hon. Anson Burlingame) conceded to this Com pany the privilege of connecting the great sea ports of the Empire by submarine electric tele graph eable, we propose commencing operations in China, and laying down a line of nine hundred miles at once, between the following ports, viz : Population. Canton 1,000,000 : Macoa 60,000 i Ilong-Kong 250.000 Am°Y - 250.000 Foo-C>ow 1,250,000 Wan-Chu. 300,000 Ningpo. 400,000 Hang Chean.. 1,200,000 Shanghai 1,000.000 Total 5.910.000 These ports have a foreign commerce of $900,- 000,000, aud an enormous domestic trade, besides which we have the immense internal commerce of the Empire, radiating from these point') through its canal- ami navigable rivers. The eable being laid, this company proposes creeling land lines, and establishing a speedy and trustworthy means of communication, which mast command there, as everywhere else, the coin'mu nications of the Government, of busiifcss, and °f social life especially in China. She has no postal system, anj her only means now ofcommuuicating information is by couriers on land, and by steam ers on water. The Western World knows that China is a very large country, in the main densely peopled; but few yet realize that she contains more than a third of the human race. The latest returns made to her central authorities for taxing purposes by the local magistrate make her populatbn Four hun dred and Fourteen millions, and this is more likely to be under than over the actual aggregate. Nearly all of these, who are over ten years old, not only can but do read and write Her civili zation is peculiar, but her literature is as exten sive as that of Eurepe. China is a land of teach ers and traders ; and the latter are exceedingly quick to avail themselves of every proffered facili ty for procuring early information. It i 3 observed in California that the Chinese make great use of the telegraph, though it there transmits messages in English alone. To-day great numbers of fleet steamer* are owned by Chinese merchants, and used by them exclusively for the'trausmission of early intelligence. If the telegraph we propose connecting al 1 their great seaports, were now in existence, it is believed that its business would pay the cost within the first two years of its suc cessful operation, and would steadily increase thereafter No enterprise commends itself as in a greater degree renumerative to capitalists, and to our whole people. It is of vast national importance commercially, politically and evangelically. stock of this Company has been un qualifiedly recommended to capitalists and busi ness men. as a desirablo investment by editorial articles in the New York Herald, Tribune, World. Tines, Post, Express, Independent, and in the Philadelphia North American, Press, Ledger, Inquirer, Age, Bulletin and Telegraph. Shares of this company, to a limited number, may be obtained at SSO each, $lO payable down, sls on the Ist of November, and $25 payable in monthly instalments of $2.50 each, commencing December 1, 1868, on application to DREXEL & CO., 34 South Third Street, PHILADELPHIA. Shares ear, be obtained in Bedford by applica tion to Reed It Schell, Bankers, who are author ized to receive subscriptions, and can give all ne ceasary information vn the subject. sept2syl 'yrrE combine style with neatness 01 fit. And moderate prices with the best workmanship JONES' ONE PRICE CLOTHING HOUSE 604 MARKET STREET, GEO W. NIEMANN. PHILADELPHIA. [sopll,'6S,yl | rpHE BEST PLACE TO BUY |_ cnoice brands of chewing Tobaccos and Ci gars, at wholesale or retail, is at Qster's. Good natural leaf Tobaccos at 75 cents. Try our 5 cent Yara and Havanna cigars—they cant be beat, uneiSm?. BEDFORD, PA., THURSDAY MORNING NOVEMBER 11, 1869. #rtt-<T>ootls, &r. vEW (; < >Ol )S .11 'ST 11 EX • EIV E1 > i\ AT J. M. SHOEMAKER'S BARGAIN STORE. NEW GOODS just Received at J. M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store. NEW GOODS just Received at J. M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store. NEW GOODS just Received at J. M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store. NEW GOODS just Received at J. M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store. NEW GOODS just Received at J. M Shoemaker's Bargain Store. BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries, Clothing. Hats, Boots and Shoes, Queensware, Fish, Notions. Leather, Tobacco, Ac, at J. M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store. BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries, Clothing, Hats, Boots anJ Shoes Queensware, Leather. Fish. Notions, Tobacco, Ac., at J. M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries, Clothing, Hats, Boots ami Shoes, Queenaware, Notions, Leather, Tobacco, Fish, Ac., at J. M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries, Clothing, Hats, Boots and Shoes, Queensware, Notione, Leather, Tobacco, Fish, Ac., at J. M Shoemaker's Bargain Store. BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries, Clothing, Hats, Boots and Shoes, Queensware, Notions, Leather, Tobacco, Fish, Ac., at J. M Shoemaker's Bargain Store BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries, Clothing. Hats, Boots and Shoes. Queensware. Notions. Leather, Tobacco, Fieh Ac., at J. M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store. Bedford. Pa., Juno 11. 1869. / I R. OSTER & CO. (jr. READ AND SPEAK OF IT! COME SEE ASD BE CONVINCED ' Vie are now receiving oar us. ~a' extensive and well assorted STOCK OF NEW AND CHE A P S UM M E R GOOI) S, And are now prepared to offer SMASHING BIG BARGAINS TO CASIIBU Y E R S , In Staple am! Fancy Dry Goods, Notions, Car pets, Oil Cloth', Cotton Yarns, Carpet Chains, Hats, Boots. Shoes, Clothing, Brooms, Baskets, Wall aud Window Papers, Groceries, Queens ware, Tobaccos. Cigars. Fish, Salt, i\c fl e invite everybody to rail and see for them selves . NO TRUBLE TO SIIOW GOODS. T E It M S CASII. Biusa ATOSG vot it CASH and we will guarantee to SELL you Uoods as CHEAP as the same styles and qualities can be sold in Central Pennsylva nia. Be assured that CASH in hand is a wonderfully winning argument, and that those who Bt:r and SKI,I, fur CASH arc always masters of the situation. junelßm3 G. R. OSTEK & CO A NTIIRACITE COAL! MITCHELL A IIAGGERTY, Shippers and DEALERS IN COAL, HARRISBURG, PA., Would respectfully hog the attention of consumers of Anthracite coal to the purity and cleanliness of that which we are now sending to Bedford. n0v4,'69r03 BPIDLE <t- MINNICH, PAINTERS. PAPER-HANGERS, Ac. The above firm are prepared to do ail kinds of PLAIN and FANCY PAINTING, GRAINING, and everything in that line, in town and country. Paper hanging promptly atended to. Shop on the corner of Pitt and Richard streets opposite Hartley A Metzger'e Hariward store, oot2Byrl. J A T E ST STYLES J WINTER GOODS MRS. E. V. MO WRY Has just received from Philadelphia and New York, and now opened a stock ol the latest styles of MiLLINERY, DRY GOODS. FANCY NOTIONS, IrC , \C. All of which will be sold at very short Profits. Bedford oct2Bm3 lbs IfMfjml feitte. DECENCY IN FEMALE nit CAN. Young girls and riper matrons need not go about robed like religious fanat ics; but let those to Whom a high necked and long-sleeved party dress would be a grievous affliction content themselves with showinga modest rim of shoulder above their bodices. And let them not forget that well turned white arms can be seen and appreciated without of necessity being exposed clear up to the arm-pits. No fair young girl ever lost anything in the estima tion of men, whose opinion is worth having, by appearing with neck, shoul ders and arms chastely veiled in deli cate lace or muslin, instead of exposing them to the promiscuous gaze of a pub lic assembly. We hoard away the jewel that we prize the most; we draw a curtain be fore the picture that we dote upon ; we hide our most sacred feelings in our hearts; we veil the shrine of the tem ple; we hedge the lily about lest its whiteness should be soiled ; we want to cover up from other eyes the things that are the fairest, the dearest, and the most sacred to us. Oh, woman ! the most sacred thing, the fairest and dearest that man has in this world, is yourself. And I hold that man's instinctive protest is the best guide in this matter. And the feelings of the father, the brother, the lover and the husband, when his nature is unperverted, is that the arms that caress and enfold him, the bosom, which is the dearest home his head can have on earth, ! should be as sacred as was the holy of holies in the days of old Jewish rites. A woman's body is the temple of her soul, aud her soul's outward sym bol. What we want to keep pure, holy, and undefiled, we do not expose to be the common bait for all the eyes of all the world, pure and impure to gloat upon. The way in which men, as a body, act and express themselves, when brought face to face with this dress re form question, is inconsistent, unjust, and ungenerous to women, aud un worthy of themselves as gentlemen ; they think because a woman is not their sister, or wife, or sweetheart, that it is no concern of theirs how she de mcnas herself in this matter of dress. On the contrary, they seem eager to help push iier into a false position by hypocritical compliments, and phrases of hollow admiratien, which are as false and bitterns Dead Sea fruit, if i she will but stop to analyze the feel ! ings from which they spring, the mo | lives which prompt them. Too much familiarity breeds contempt. No one knows this better than the man who ! watches over the dress aud deportment i of his wife or sister with the stern jealousy of an Oriental, while at t lie same ttme he blandly encourages the wives, and daughters, and sisters of other men in every species of license. Women do not always know—tiie very young ones especially—that acer : tain dash and freedom in the style of | dress encourages familiarity in the manners of men towards them. They I too often follow blindly after the reign ing mode, without questioning its meaning, or theeffect it will have upon men's opinion of them. They feel strong because they- go in droves, and ! in droves they dare to indulge in a j style of dress in which any one wo I man would he ignominiously hooted out of society, If she dared to appear in it alone, and upon any occasion for ' which it is not sanctioned by fashion. ! If men would but give up their a ' bominable two-sided policy on this question, and act towards every repu table whom they find masque rading in a disreputable attire, just as they would un. fler like circumstances toward their own wivef) ' daughters or sisters, as far as is conv' ,tant sur * roundingsand eireuinstanix/ moc ' e of dress would soon be drive J 1 to rightful home—the haunts of the p. " ligate and the lost woman. For my own dear countrywomen I have one wish, which has moved me to speak as I have spoken. Plain words and hard words to say-, hut words which must be spoken, never theless, and which are better spoken sooner or later. It is that they should be known as the most modest of women in dress and deportment, even as they are now distinguished for wit, elegance, patriotism and inate purity of charac ter. Let the women of other countries belie themselves if they will, by a mode of attire which is in direct oppo sition to the dictates of their natural modesty, but let ours set a bright ex ample in this respect to the world, and then, indeed, the nations shall rise up and proclaim the American women blessed!— HOWAßD GLYNDON, in Pack ard's Monthly, for September. A patent has recently been granted for a method of refreshing horses while in harness, which consists in making the hit hollow and having perforations in it. A rubber tube ex tends from one side of the hit to the carriage, and by pressing a rubber bag which contains water, the driver is enabled to refresh horses whenever he chooses without stopping. For saddle horses the water bag is suspended from the horse's neck, or upon the pummel of the saddle. The proprietor of a cotton factory near Stockholm, Sweden, has purchas ed a large tract of land in Southeast Missouri, where he intends establish ing colonies of his countrymen and to build factories, &c., which will give employment to 1,300 families. A por tion of the colonists are already on their voyage to this country. "Why," said Bob Pitts to Will Swipes, when he caught him drinking, "I though ypu had signed the pledge?" "So I have." said Swipes, "but all signs fail in dry weather." A I JEST CHILD.— II is Re-appearance After Thirty- Thrge Years of Savage Life. -Thirty-three years ago there lived in Lewistown, Logau county, a farmer by the name of Harris Hopkins, who had a child, a hoy between three and four years of age. One day while the far mer was at work in a field some dis tance from the farm-house, the boy started from the house across the fields to meet his father. The last seen of the little fellow was when lie left the house. Hundreds of people turned out to search for the lost child.— The river was dragged, the woods searched, rewards offered, but all to no purpose. After days of weary and anxious search the little fellow was given up by his friends. The few In dians living in that neighborhood were friendly and peaceable,and no suspicion •ever attached to them, and the affair was forgotten or Lalked over as a niys teri jus disappearance. The Hopkins family at length left their old home and settled in Illinois, and up to ten days ago none of the old neighbors in Logan county had expected to see any of the members of the family again. The astonishment of the old settlers in and about the old neighborhood can be conceived, when, week before last, a tall man, browned by exposure to sun aud storm, and speaking the broken English of the half civilized In dians, made his appearance at Lewis town, and claimed to be the child mis sed thirty-three years ago. He stated that a Cheroke Indian, wandering through that section, had enticed him from the field as iie was going in search of his father, and carried him to the far West. The old chief had treated him as Ids own sou, and having been taken away at so early an age, the memory of his parents and former life had fa ded from his mind. For thirty odd years he had lived as an Indian, and supposed that he was a son of the chief who claimed to be his father. A few months since, the chief,lthen high in rank in the Cheroke nation, and very advanced in age, found himself on his death bed. Shortly before he died he called his adopted son to his bedside and informed him who and what he was. As soon as the old chief was ! dead and buried, Hopkins carae to Logan county i:i search of his parents, | whom he found had moved to Cam paign City, HI. He, however ramain i ed last week at Lewistown to gratify the curiosity of the old settlers who had aided in the search for him thirty three years ago. Ilisrcappeaiance has caused quite us much excitement in Lo gan county, as did his sudden and j mysterious disappearance a third of a | century ago.— Sandusky [Ohio] Regis , ter, July 28. THAT WOHBMIIH. FKAYF.K. Which ? Why the one that your mother taught you. Did you ever think, short though it be, how much there is in it ? Like a diamond in the crown of a queen, it unites a thousand sparkling gems in one. It teaches all of us, every one of us, to look to God as our parent—"Our Father." It prompts us to raise our thoughts and desires above the earth—"Who art in Ileaven." It tells us we must reverence our Heavenly Father—"Hallowed he thy name." It breathes a missionary spirit—"Thy kingdom come." Aud a submissive, obedient spirit— "Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven." And a depending, .trusting spirit— "Give us this day our daily bread." And a forgiving spirit—Forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who tresspass against us." And a cautious spirit—"Deliver us from evil." And last of all an adoring spirit— "For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever and ever. Amen." Now is it not both a wonderful ar.d a beautiful prayer? Jesus, our dear Savior, taught it, and who could bot- IfT tell us how to pray to His Father and PUT Father, to His God and our God. A MASONIC PIN.—A good story is told of a confident individual, evident ly well "read up" in the mysteries, who applied at the outer reception room of a Boston Masonic Lodge for admission. An eminent brother, who was quietly sitting there, but made no sign that he was anybody, requested the stranger to be seated, and he would send in for proper persons to examine the credentials of the visitor. "Oh! its no matter about that; I'm all right" said the applicant, making sundry ex traordinary passes with his hand and contortions of visage. "That maybe but 1 think they alwaysexamine stran gers who desire to visit the Lodge," said the attending brother. "Well, I'm ready for 'em," said the visitor, confidently. "Glad to hear it—that is quite an elaborate breast pin you have there?" said the other looking with some interest at. the big letter G, which the visitor conspicuously dis played upon his shirt bosom. Ya-as, that's a Masonic pin," replied the wearer, swelling out his breast. "In deed—Letter G—well. I suppose you know what that means?" "Oh, yes, certainly; letter G stands for Jerusa lem a sorter head quarters of us Ma sons, you know." The querist didn't know it, and the applicant, it is almost unnecessary to state, did not get any further into the Lodge. A Schoolmaster in a Lancaster coun ty public school was drilling a class of youngsters in arithmetic. He said to them: "If I cut an apple in two, what will the parts he?" "Halves!" was the answer. If 1 cut the halves in two what would you call the parts?" "Quarters!" "If I cut the quarters n two what would the parts be?" An swer (unanimously,) "Sniis!" THE FALLEN SON.—Follow him home from the scene of his debauch. He is an only son. On him the family are centered. Every nerve has been strained to give him the choicest edu cation. Parents and sisters gloried in his talents. Alas! already are these vi sions less bright. Enter now the fam ily circle. Parents surrounded by love ly daughters. Within that circle reigns peace, virtue and refinement.— The evening has been spent in anima ted conversation and the sweet inter change of affectionate endearment. But there is one who used to share all this, who was the centre of that circle. Why is he not here? The hour of devotion has come; they kneel before their Father and God. A voice that used to mingle in their praises is wanting. An hour rolls away—another has gone.— Why has all cheerfulness gone? Why do these parents start at every foot step ? The step of that son and broth er is heard. The door is opened—he staggers in before them, and is stretch ed out at their feet in all the loathsome ness of intoxication. "Oh, who shall tell tiie sorrows of a home made dark with sin ?" WOULDN'T HE SHRINK LED. —About thirty-two years ago there resided in the town of Hebron, a certain Dr. 'l., who became very much enamored of a' beautiful young lady, a resident of the same town. The Doctor was a strong Presbyterian, and his lady love a de cided Baptist. They were sitting to gether, one evening, talking of their approaching nuptials, when the Dr. remarked. "I am thinking, my dear, of two e vents I shall number the happiest of my life." "And what may they be, Doctor?" remarked the lady. "One is the hour when I shall call you wife for the first time." "And the other?" "It is when we shall present our first-born for baptism." "What, sprinkled?" "Yes, my dear, sprinkled." "Never shall a child of mine Li sprinkled." "But mine shall." "They will be, hey?" "Well, sir, tlieu I can tell you that your babies won't be my babies. So, good night, sir." FRITTERS. —"In a warm contest, a number of years, since, for a seat in Congress, between that old prince of electioneers, John Taliaferro, and Col. Gibson, the former had been success ful in obtaining the support of a nu merous family by the name of Fritter. It was the custom at that day, in Vir ginia, for the candidates to take their seats on the court bench during the e lection, and to thank each individual as lie cast his vote, the voting being viva voce. As the members of this family came forward and severally cast their votes, Mr. T., with a graceful bow, would exclaim, 'Thank you, Mr. Frit tor. His opponent Col. G. who had not been aware of the great number of this family, stood it patiently until a bout fifteen had cast their votes against him, when, losing his patience he ex claimed, 'Well, really, I think we have had fritters enough ; I am quite tired of them, and should greatly prefer seme pancakes!" TRUST NOT TO ABEARANCE.—In Dresden there is an iron egg, the his tory of which is something like this: A young Prince sent this iron egg to a young lady to whom he was betroth ed. She received it in her hands and looked at it with disdain. In her in dignation that he should send her such a gift, she cast it to the earth. When it touched the ground, a spring cun ningly hidden in the egg, opened, and a silver yolk rolled out. She touched a spring in the yolk and a golden chicken was found; she touched a spring in the chicken and a crown was found within ; she touched a spring in the crown, and in it a diamond wed ding ring was found. There is a moral to tiiis story-, and that is, it will not do to trust to out ward "appearances." In Arkansas, Elder Knapp, while baptising converts at a revival meet ing, advanced with a wiry, sharp-eyed old chap in the water ; asked the usual question, whether there was any reason why the ordinance of baptism should not be administered. After a pause, a tall, powerful looking chap, with an eye like a blaze, who was leaning on a long rifie and quietly looking on, re marked : "Elder, I don't want ter in terfere in this yer business any, but I want to say that that is an old sin ner you have got hold of, and I know that one dip wont do him any good. If you want to get the sin out of him, you'll have to anchor him out in deep water over night." Two negroes jumped from a train running forty miles an hour, in Geor gia, last week. One landed on his head,and at last accounts was combing his hair with a horse rake to get out some boulders it had accumulated in the process. The other struck his shin a gainst a decayed stump and gave a job to the eoroner. SONOROUS— Lady (who is canvass ing for a choir at the village church) —1 hope, Mrs. Giles, you will persuade your husband to join us. lam told he has a very sonorous voice. Mrs. Giles.—A sonorous voice, inarm? All yon should hearitcomin'outof his hisuose when he's asleep. AN honest dame in the town of Rome, standing beside the corpse of her deceased husband, bewailing in pl tious tones his untimely departure, observed: "It's a pity he's dead, for his teeth are as good as they ever were." American wheat is being largely ex ported to England. Good. VOL. 65.—WHOLE No. 5,516 FAOTIE. There is only one excuse for impu dence, and that is ignorance. A cramped waist generally betokens brains in a similar condition. Why is an over worked horse like an umbrella ? Because it is used up. Toeing out craft—Kicking a blackleg down stairs. Of all the dust thrown into men's eyes, gold dust is the most blinding. Mr. Quilp finds that water resemble s equity when itsjust ice. If a young lady bids you take heart, does it mean that you can take hers. What should a clergyman preach about ? About a quarter of an hour. A "smile" that foretells sorrow—the one you take in a bar-room. Shrewd inquiries are being made whether the cup of sorrow has a sau cer. The surest way to lose your own health is to keep drinking other peo ple's. "Why is an old cheese like an A merican dollar ? Because it's 'all ini tey\" What does a telegraph operator do when he receives the heads of import ant news? Waits for details, of course. Bad economy—buying things because they are cheap, whether you want them or not. A batchelor is a traveler on life's railroad, who has entirely failed to make proper connection. A woman was recently arrested in Chicago for carrying a concealed weap on. It was her tongue. -Why are wheat and potatoes like the idols of old ? Because the former have ears and hear not, and the latter eyes but see not. The complexion of a girl of the peri od differs from a railway season ticket —the one is, and the other is not trans ferable. Aid often comes at the right time— but this is not the case when the point of somebody's boot assists you in com ing down stairs. "Hans, where do yon live?" "A cross the river init der turnpike s by der school as you go up mit your right hand on de other side." After so many years, it has been dis covered that Queen Victoria has big feet. But then, a good many would like to fill her shoes. Bigby is of opinion that there are writers whose ideas are so high, that like the peaks of lofty mountains, they are continually in the clouds—cloudy. "Boy, what are you hollering for when I go by !" "What are you going by for when I am hollering." A lady caught her husband breaking her hoops. Two hours afterwards, the unfortunate man was seen at a drug store purchasing hair restorative. "Swear the ghost!" said a testy old Judge, when an advocate pleading be fore him "opened" to the jury some revelation from the world of spirits. Josh Billings defines "a thurrerbred biziness man" as "wun that knows enuff about steelin' so there kant enny body steel from him, and enutf about law so that he can do his steelin'legal ly. "This world is all a fleeting show,'** said a minister to a culprit on the gal lows, "Yes," was the prompt reply, "but if you have no objection, I'd rath er see the show a little longer," A magistrate asked a prisoner if he were married. "No," replied the man. " Then," said his worship, amid peals of laughter, "it's a good thing for your wife." "The blessed man that preached for us last Sunday," said Mrs. Partington, the lord for thirty years—first as a circus rider, then as a locust preach er, and last as an exhauster." A man attempted to spell 'crockery' the other day, and proceeded thus, 'kraughkearreighe,' but expired in a spasm before lie could make ay, with Which he intended to end the word. The daily papers tell of the splendors of the gambling rooms of New York. If the gamblers are sumptuously hou - ed as the reports would have us believe it is clear that a gambler's room is bet ter than his company. Men will argue more forcibly about the human heart, but a woman will read the heart much better. Women have most wit, "men the most genius. Women observe; men reason. The world is a book of woman. A lawyer on asking a Dutchman con cerning a pig, in court. "What ear marks had he?" "Veil, veil I first became acquainted mit the hoch, he had no ear marks ex cept a berry short tail." Kisses admit of a greater variety of character than perhaps many are aware of. Eight casial diversities are men tioned in Scripture, viz: The kiss of Salutation, Valediction, Reconciliation, Subjection, Approbation, Adoration, Treachery and Affection. Scene in Utah.—First Mormon—"! wonder who that blonde is ? A nice figure!" Second Mormon—"Why, don't you know! Its your wife." First Mormon-"So I thought I had seen her before." Rothschild and. the Archbishop of Paris met at a public diuner sometime since, and arrived at the door. Nei ther wished to enter first—the Jew showing respect, the Christian toler ance. Finally, the Archbishop cried out: "M. Rothschild, you are the son of Moses ; I am the servant of Jesus; you have the precedence of age. The Old Testament is more venerable than the New." And the banker went in first.