sni-6oo(te, etr. /S AS I I BUYERS, TA K E NOT IC E! SAVE YOUR GREENBACKS! NEW FALL AND WINTER GOODS, just received, At J. M. SHOEMAKER'S Store, AT GREATLY REDUCED PRICES! Having just returned from the East, we are now openiug a large stock of F ill and Winter Goods, whieh have been BOUGHT FOR*CASH. at nett cash prices, and will be SOLD CHEAP. This be ing the only full stock of goods brought to Bedford this season, persons will bo able to suit themselves better, in style, quality and price, than at any other store in Beiltord The following comprise a few of our prices, viz : Calicoes, at 10,12, 14, 15, 10 and the best at 18 cents. Muslins at 10, 12, 14, 15, 10, 18, and and the best at 22 cents. All Wool Flannels from 40 cts. up. French Merinoes, all wool Delaines, Coburgs. Ac. SHAWLS Ladies', children's and misses' shawls, latest styles ; ladies'cloaking cloth. MEN'S WEAR—Cloths, cassimeres, satinetts jeans, he. BOOTS AND SHOES--In this line we have a very extensive as-ortment for ladies, misses, chil dren. and men's and boys' boots and shoes, all sizes anil prices, to suit all. HATS—A large assortment of men's and boys' hats. CLOTHING—Men's and boys' coats, pants and vests, all sizes and prices SHIRTS. Ac.—Men's woolen and muslin shirts; Shakspeare, Lock wood and muslin-lined paper collars; cotton chain (single and double, white and colored). GROCERIES—Coffee, sugar, syrups, green and black teas, spices of all kinds, dye-stuffs, Ac. LEATHER—SoIe leather, French and city calf skins, upper leather, linings, Ac. We will sell goods on the same terms that we have been for the last three months—cash, or note with interest from date. No bad debts con tracted and no extra charges to good paying cus tomers to make up losses of slow and never paying customers. Cash buyers always get the best bar gains, aud their accounts are always settled up. J M. SHOEMAKER, Bedford, 5ep.27,'67. No. 1 Anderson's Row. 10 per cent, saved in buying your goods for oash, at J. M. SHOEMAKER'S cash and produce store, No. 1 Anderson's Row. sep27 _ / 1 REAT BARGAINS! IT Tin* uudcrdigned have opened a very full supply of FALL AND WINTER GOODS. Our stock is complete and is not surpassed in EXTENT. QUALITY AND CHEAPNESS. The old system of ■' TR US TING FOR E VER' * having exploded, we are determined to SELL GOODS UPON THE SHORTEST PROFIT FOR CASH OR PRODUCE. jjp To prompt paying customers we will extend a credit of four months, but we wish it expressly understood, after the period named, account will bo duo and interest will accrue thereon. BUYERS FOR CASH may depend upon GETTING BARGAINS. n0v1,'67 A. B. CRAMER & CO. LYEW GOODS!! NEW GOODS!! The undersigned has just received frnru the Eart a large and varie 1 stock of New Goods, which are now open for examination, at MILL-TOWN, two miles West of Bedford, comprising everything usually found in a first-class courtry store, consisting, in part, of Dry-Goods, Delaines, Calicoes, Muslins, Cassimers, Boots and Shoes, Groceries, Notions, Ac., Ac. All of .vfiich will be sold at the most reasonable prices. Thankful for past favors, we solicit a con tiuuauce ot the public patronage. Call and examine our goods. may24,'67. G. YEAGER rfblOQO DOLLARS REWARD!! Just received at the New Imperial BARGAIN STORE, A handsome assortment of NEW SPBING G()<>l>S. As goods are now advancing daily, and no doubt will be much higher, we think families cannot buy too soon. G. R. OSTER A CO. feb2Bui2 y:l DOLLARS WORTH!! ot Boots and Shoes of every description and best Manufacture, just received and For Sale 25 per dent Cheaper than heretofore. The Boot and Shoe Department of G. R. OSTER A CO. has become a leading feature in their business, and is now the place to get Good as well as Cheap Boots and shoes, as they have the largest and best assortment in town. feb2Sui2 TJATS! HATS!! Just received the leading New Spring Styles of G'nts, Boys and Children's llats, much cheaper than heretofore. We would call special attention to the Gents Self-conforining Casstmere dress Hat, also the Velvet finish Self-conforming Flexible Band Hat. These Hats will he found to be very desirable, being very soft in band and conforming immediately to the shape of the head. feb'Bm2 G. R. OSTER A CO. IVTEW ARRIVAL.— Just received at M. C. FETTERLY'S FANCY STORE, Straw Hats and Bonnets, Straw Ornaments, Rib bons Flowers, Millinery Goods, Embroideries, Handkerchiefs, Bead-trimmings. Buttons. Hosiery and Gloves, White Goods. Parasols and Sun-Um brellas. Balmorals and Hoop Skirts, Fancy Goods and Notions, Ladies' and Children's Shoes. Our assortment contains all that is new aud desirable. Thankful for former liberal patronage we hope to be able to merit a continuance from all our cus tomers. Please call and see our new stock. may 31 SEL LEI IS ER CENT, and of GOLD FILLINGS 33 TER BEST. This reduction will bo made only to strictly CASH PATIENTS, and all such will receive prompt attention. feb7,'6Btf I^ENTISTRY ! If you want ' A BEAUTIFUL SET OF TEETH, GO TO Dlt. S. M. GROSS, RESIDENT DENTIST, SCHELLSBIRG, PA., who operates in every branch of surgical and . Mechanical Dentistry, at REDUCED PRICES. Teeth extracted WITHOUT PAIS positively, and NO HUMBUG! by the surest, safest and best ANAESTHETIC KNOVVN. Persons desiring the services of a Dentist will do well by calling on me before contracting else where. ALL OPERATIONS WARRANTED. 17*A IRB A N K'S STAND AR I) J SCALES, of all kinds, also. Baggage Barrows, Ware house Tracts, Copying Presses. ifC. FAIRBANKS, MORSE A CO., Corner Wood A Second Sts., Pittsburg, Pa. Repaired promptly. iuar27ui6. TO THE WORKING CLASS.— Farmers, Mechanics, Ladies, and everybody. I am now prepared to furnish you with constant employment at your homes—the whole of your time, or in your spare moments. Business new, light and profitable. 50 eta. to $5 per evening easily earned by persons of either sex, and the boyk and girls nearly as much as men. Great inducements offered those who will devote their whole time to the business, and. that every person who sees this notice may send their address and test the business for themselves, I make the fol lowing unparallelled offer : To all who are not well satisfied with 'he business, I will send $1 to pay for the trouble of writing. Full particulars, directions. Ac., sent free. Sample sent by mail for 10 cts. Address E. C. ALLEN, Augusta, Maine. OYES! OYES! OYes!—The un dersigned having taken out auctioneer li cense holds himself in readiness to cry sales and auctions on the shortest notice. Give him a call. Address him at Ray's Hill, Bedford county. Pa. oct2->m6 # IIILLIAM GRACE!. AUCTIO -EE 11. —The undersigned, having renewed his licenso as an auctioneer, offers his services to the publie generally. Post office aadress Cum berlund Vley. mar2oni2* JOHN DICREN. [3 LASTER. —The undersigned would I respectfully iuform the public, that he it prepared to supply both ROCK and GROLND PLASTER. Warehouse, Bloody Run Station. jaii3lt>Blf JOHN IV BAKNDOLLAR rpHE BEDFORD GAZETTE is the L best Advertising Medium n Southern Peno gylranit- I TERMS OF PUBLICATION. THE BEDFORD GAZETTE is published every Fri >lay morning by MEYERS A"MBS3F.L, at $2 00 per annum, if paid strictly lit advance ; $2.50 if paid ! within sis months; $3.00 if not pain within sis months. All subscription accounts MLIST be settled annually. No paper will he sent out of the State unless paid for tx ADVANCE, and all such subscriptions will invariably be discontinued at the expiration of the time for which they are ' paid. All ADVERTISEMENTS for a less term than three months TEN CENTS per line for each In sertion. Special notices one-half additional All resolutb ns of Associations; communications of limited or individual interest, and notices of mar riages and deaths exceeding five liner, ten cents per line. Editorial notices fifteen cents per line, i All legal Notices of every Hind, and Orphans'' ! Court and Judicial Sales, are. required by law to be published in both papers published in this | place. w All advertising due after first insertion. A liberal discount is made to persons advertising j by the quarter, half year, or year, as follows : 3 months. 6 months. 1 year. ♦One square - - - $4 50 $6 00 $lO 00 Two squares ... 600 900 16 00 Three squares - - - 8 00 12 00 20 00 ! Quarter column - - 14 00 20 00 3a 00 I Half column - - - 'lB 00 25 00 45 00 ; One column - - - - 30 00 45 00 80 00 ♦One square to occupy one inch of space. JOB PRINTING, of every kind, done with : neatuess and dispatch. THE GAZETTE OFFICE has just been refitted with a Power Press and new type, ; and everything in the Printing line can be execu ted in the most artistic manner and at the lowest rates.—TERMS CASH. All letters should be addressd to MEYERS A MENGEL, Publishers. !KT IFTDFARD FTAZTTT*. * REPUBLICAN MEMBER OE CON UKV.SS IMPEACHMENT. Gen. Sain. Carey, representative in Congress from Cincinnati, andtheonly Republican member who voted a giiinst impediment, in a speech deliv ered before a working man's meeting in that city on Monday night, thus gives his reasons for bis vote: 1 will now give you briefly my reas ons for voting against impeachment. In the first place it has, in all the his tory of this Government, from Wash ington down, been regarded as the President's right to select his Cabinet officers in every administration, and to remove them at his pleasure. You remember when Duane was Secretary of the Treasury, and he was ordered by General Jackson to remove the de posits, contrary to the law of Congress. He refused, and Jackson said: ".Step out sir: I will find some one who will." [Applause.] Yes, my countrymen, it has been the uniform practice, and has been regard ed as indispensible to the wise and le gitimate administration of this Gov ernment, that the President should have Cabinet officers who should he his confidential advisers and friends. Ain't that right? Yes; and these very men, these very judges who are sitting to-day on this trial of impeach ment thought so. When Mr. Lincoln was President o! the United States it was supposed that one member of his Cabinet was nut in sympathy with him—Mr. Montgomery Blair. Sena tors, including Wade and Sherman, of Oltio, and Sumner of Massachusetts, to the number of twenty-four, address ed a letter to Mr. Lincoln, in which they used this language: "The President of the United States should be aided by a council agreeing with him in political princi ples and general policy, and all impor tant measures and apppointments should be the result of their combined wisdom aud deliberations." That's good sense, isn't it? They then go on to say that Mr. Montgom ery Blair does not entertain that rela tion towards Mr. Lincoln—that he is not in full sympathy with him—and then add: "The Cabinet should be exclusively composed of gentlemen who are the cordial, resolute and unwavering sup porters of the principles and .purposes of the President of the United States. Here, then they charge Mr. Johnson with being guilty of high crime, in this that he wanted a Cabinet Minister who was in lull sympathy with him with the administration. Those men say he ought to have it, and every President ought to have it, and J say so. It doesn't matter whether he be Demo crat or Republican, the confidential ad visers of the President should be in sympathy and harmony with him. He has a inemher in the Cabinet who dot l s not speak to him : that is in open and direct hostility to him, and will not go and sit in Cabinet Council with him and lie wanted to get him out. [A voice, "Kick him out.") Yes. [Laughter.] If General Jackson was in there he would touch him with the toe of his boot. [Cheers.] Think of the precedent we are set ting. Suppose we should have a Dem ocratic Congress and a Republican President one of these days, and the Democratic majority should say: "There is no use in trying to do any thing with tliis Republican President; Let us kick him out." "Oh well," some one says, "what can you get up against him?" But they can say "what did they have against Mr. Johnson" [Avoice —"tliat'sit."] And if you can impeach one President and turn him outunder the present charges, what President is hereafter safe when the majority in Congress is opposed to him?" [Cheers.] It is no matter to me how bad a man Andrew* Johnson is. lam not his apoligist and defen der. A man told me to-day, "Ah Car ey, you have been Johnsonized." Put have 1 gone over to Johnson because I dare to say that he or any other man sh til be protected by the laws of the country. [Cheers.] BEDFORD, PA., FRIDAY MORNING, APRIL 17, 1868. Mr. Carey continued !y saying that Andrew Johnson could nly remain in office a year longer. Stvnton had lost ! self-respect by acting as he did ; and ' even those who had advsed Stanton to remain in the War Oilhe had a eon i tempt for Lis action in so doing. He ! referred to Ben. Wad. 'ssitting on the trial, and said that by tic spirit if not by the letter of the Constitution, Mr. Wade had no right to vote in the Court of Impeachment. If Mr. Wade | did vote in that Court," "he ought to be spit upon by the whole civilized world." [Applause.; ADVICE TO VOI'SO MKC'II AXICK. In referring to the growing inclina tion 011 the part of yeung men, after they have served long and hard ap prenticeships to acquire a good trade, to abandon this mode of making a liv ing and to enter the or medical profession, where it is supposed great er emoluments can be secured and larg er honors won, a cotemporary well observes that in nineteen cases out of twenty such ventures are failures, for two reasons: First, the professions re quire peculiar talent and the most thorough education. As a rule, ap prentices to the trades have neither the time nor the means to acquire this edu cation. Hence, when a mechanic at the end of his apprenticeship aspires to and enters any one of the profess ions, he does so at a great disadvantage. He may be a fluent speaker, know how to argue a point in a debating so ciety or hatangue a crowd at a ward meeting, luit such talents do not fit him for the legal profession. He may know how to extract a splinter from his own hand, how to make a salve, how to mix a powder or administer a pill, but all this, while it might quali fy him as a good nurse, does not fit him for the medical profession. The fact is, the young men who abandon their trades are tempted to do so by a feeling of false pride, erroneously imagining there is 110 honor to be secur ed in a pursuit of the mechanical arts. History proves the fallacy of such sup positions. The brightest names which now a dorn the annals of all countries are of the best mechanics who have blessed mankind with the productions of their genius. All that is beautiful and grand is the result of improvement in me chanics. The pendulum, the main spring, the barometer, thermometer, printing press, steal*> engine, locomo tive, sewing machine, telescope—all, all are the result or mwrhanb' arts, making those famous who produce them, and the people great who adopt ed them. A good mechanic who becomes a pettifogger or quack, merely because he is too proud to work at his trade, is, indeed, a pitiful object. A man of the right mental balance, who has pro per mental form, with the necessary independence, will win as much honor and as fair a living in the trades as in the profession ; indeed, an indifferent lawyer or doctor lacking briefs or pa tients is always a miserable being, a bad example in the community. Let our young mechanics, then, become ambitious in their own vacation. If they dignify their trades by becoming proficient therein, the trades will dig nify them with the highest honors. If mechanics pursue their business with a purpose to self-improvement therein, and not merely to hammer and file and saw, but to improve the art, to develop something new therein, the mind will be strengthened as the arm becomes muscular, and the heart of the mechanic will be made to swell with as true a pride as ever glowed be neath the doublet of a prince. Will the young mechanic think of these truths? "THAT'S II ow.' '—After a great snow storm, a little boy began to shovel a path through a large snow-bank before his grandmother's door. He had noth ing but a small shovel to work with. "1 low do you expect to got through that drift asked a man passing along. "By keeping at it" said the boy, cheerfully; "thats how !'' That is the secret of mastering al most every difficulty under the sun. If a hard task is before you stick at it. Do not keep thinking how large or how hard it is; but go at it, and little by liittie it will grow smaller and smaller, until it is done. IF YOU desire to impress the public that you have the best wares, and the best prices, and are worthily enti tled to their patronage, ADVERTISE YOURSELF. Do not expect to accom plish everything with one trial, nor three, but KEEP AT IT, and you will surely win. , Have some SYSTEM about your ad vertisement, and let that be your shov el, then dig away at the people— KEEP AT IT, and you will as surely get through the dull times and bring more custom than you can attend to, as that boy went through the drift with his small shovel. A WESTERN paper says that the death of the American Gorrilla, by the burning of Barnum's Museum, may be considered as a public calamity, inasmuch as it deprives the Radicals of one of their most promising Presi dential candidates. TIIAD STEVENS says that the consti tution, thef fundamental law, "is too old fashioned for this progressive age." So, no doubt, in his views, are God's laws. THE VARUHS IMPJ.F.MEXTN OF HA SOMtY. The various Implements of Masonry, as emblematical of our conduct in life, afford us many very useful lessons j which we will do "well t<\ hoed. The | Holy Bible is one of the great lights of the craft, one that we cannot fail to fol low if wo kvould be true to our princi ples, and measure up to the standard required of us. it will guide us in the way of truth, that adorns and strength ens the character of man. It will lead i us into the temple of true and abiding i happiness, and secure for us an en ! trance into the Grand Lodge Boom l on high. "It enriches the memory, it i elevates the reason, it enlivens theimag | ination, it directs the judgment, it j moves the affections, it controls the j passions, it quickens the conscience, I it strengthens the will, it kindles the { sacred flame of faith, hope and chari ty, it purities, ennobles, sanctifies the ! whole man, and brings him into living i union with God. It has light for the blind, strength for the weak, food for the hungry, drink for the thirsty ; it hasa counsel in precept for every sorrow, a balm for every wound; of all the hooks in the world, the Bible is the only one I of which we never tire, but which we admire and love more and more in I proportion as we use it. Like the diamond, it casts its lustre in ev ery direction ; liken torch, the more it is shaken the more it shines; like a healing herb, the harder it is pressed the sweeter is its fragrance." The ho ly Bible lies open before every mem ber of the Order, and points out the whole duty of man. Walk in tl is great light that you may reflect honor I upon the Order, whose foundation principles are the truths herein reveal ! ed. Then, by other emblems we are taught to regulate our actions, our cv , ery movement by the principles of morality and virtue; and in our differ ; ent stations among men and before ; God, to walk uprightly circumscribing | our desires within proper limits. We are also directed to move right onward ! in the way of truth, turning neither to the right nor the left, and to avoid in ! our conversation and actions, dissiniu ; lation. The earnest student, as lie ad-- j vances in Masonry may also learn lcss ! ons appropriate to three principal sta -1 ges in human life, viz: youth, man hood and age; and if true to these less ! ons, he may, as a Master Mason, "en ! joy the happy reflection consequent on ' a well spent life, and die in the hope :of a glorious immortallity." Let nil | the implements and emblems of Ma : sonrv be carefully used and closely studied, and we shall ever and always deserve the title of "good men and true." We will come more fully to understand our duty to God, and to each other; there will indeed be enkin dled in our hearts a flame of devotion ! to God. of brotherly love to each other, and charity to all mankind.—Key sfone. -\ KEM A KKAISI.E SLMLING IX FJ.OLTL : DA.— There is near Ocola, a remarka ble spring, one of the largest of the great number known in Florida, it is called Silver Spring. I found it in the midst of a lone hammock, overflowing its banks. It bubbled up in a basin thirty-seven feet deep and about an | acre in extent, filling and overflowing 1 it, and sending from it a deep stream fifty or sixty feet wide, and extending | eight or nine miles to the Oklawana river, into which it empties. In the spring itself fifty steamboats may lie at anchor, and in the stream, steam j boats of considerable draught. The : spring thus forms a natural inland ! port, to which three steamers now run regularly from the St. John's. The clearness of the water is truly wonder ful. It seems even more transparent than ai r . You see on the bottom, thirty feet below your boat, the exact form of the smallest bebble, the out line and color,and shadesof eolorofthe leaf which has sunk. Large fish swim i in It, every scale visible, and every movement distinctly observable. The water is impregnated with lime and magnesia, but lias no appreciable taste, and is excellent drinking water. If you go over the basin in a boat you will see the fissures in the rocks, from which the river pours upward like an inverted cataract. There are more of thespringsin theehannelof the stream, further down. Such springs arc almost I common in Florida. Clay Spring, ! near the east bank of Lake Apaka, pours forth a navigable stream into the ! St. John's. Bug Spring, on the west | side of Lake Harris, is nearly as large as Silver Spring. I have laughed at a story of a spring in lowa, which was ! large enough to turn a mill, but I can : swallow all such tales now, after hav -1 ing seen one that will float a fleet. — 1 Cincinnati Commercial. "A MAX who'll maliciously set fire to a barn," said Mr. Slow, "and burn up twenty cows, ought to be kick ed to death bv a jackas, and I'd like to do it." BALLADS are the gipsy children of song, born under green hedgerows, in the leafy lanes and by-paths of litera ture, in the genial summer time. "THE happiest conversation," savs Dr. Johnson, "is that of which noth ing is distinctly remembered, but a general effect of pleasing impress." NOTHING SO adorns the face as cheer fulness; when the heart is a flower, its bloom and beauty pass to the fea ture-. VOL. 62.--WHOLE No. 5,439. TI'RKISH WOSIF.X. One of the gi cutest obstacles to the successful civilization of Turkey is the condition of the femalesex there. The theory of the Turks is that women are created to be slaves and bear children. As a consequence, their education and refinement are wholly neglected. Their ignorance is accompanied with an amount of superstition and fanaticism almost beyond the imagination. They give themselves up to the ideal entire ly. Their minds are peopled with spirits and genii that hold high carni val and dethrone the reason. When sick, the spiritual physician attends be fore the regular practitioner, and his means of disenchantment are often more potent than medicines. The priest has unlimited sway over their beliefs, and that he has power to exer cise the devil, raise the dead, and per form countless miracles, is accepted as part of their religious teaching. Their devotion to the Koran and to the Mo ham medon religion is as sincere as it was 1,200 years ago. Indeed, female society is the same in Turkey as it was hundreds of years ago.—Yet these women, steeped in superstition and ignorance, revelling in the errors of heathen ages and reeking all over with unchristian and uncivilized enormities, are the mothers and teachers of the Turkish youth. Reform'is impossible with them, for the effortsof the priests all tend to keeping them in this dark condition, and the interests that hus bands take in the reformation of even their own harems is too remote to ac complish any good. Some of the more enlightened Turkish men speak of re forms and education, but never in con nection with the women of the land. Until the female sex are relieved from their barbaric ignorance; until the load of superstition that now sinks them far below the scale of mortals is raised; until these mothers and teach ers of the young are rendered compe tent to fulfil their high trusts, we can expect but little in the way of Turkish reform. DIETETICS— WHEAT BREAD.—A writer in the American Farmer writes as one learned in the chemistry of food. He says : "Our whole process of con verting wheat into bread has, at al most every step, violated the laws of nature and disregarded her sugges tions, and the reform must be a funda mental one. Wheat is, beyond all dispute, the most perfect article of hu man food, it being the only vegetable production yet discovered that con tain—nil the elements necessary for the nourishment of the muscle, bones, fat ty tissue, and brains, in just the right proportions. Beans, peas. Indian corn, and the other grains afford perfect nour ishment for all the organs but the brain, by which term is included the spinal marrow and the nerves, which branch from the brain, and are identical in composition with it, the whole forming one system or set of organ-. Now the pabulum of the brain is phosphorus, who.-o life-giving fire thrills along the nerves, and whose light illuminates the chambers of the mind—for eould we rightly understand the correspondence between the materia! and the spiritual, we might see that light in the intellec tual sense was something more than a mere figure of speech. The wear of the brain by study or any mental ef fort throws off the phosphorus which is found with other waste matter in the urine or other secretions. 'To keep the brain healthy and in working or der, the waste must be restored by the use of food containing phosphorus, and that food is wheat. "It would seem as if wheat was made for bruin food, and man, the only ani mal that works with his brain, is the only consumer of it. But by a strange caprice, the promptings of his intui tions are overruled by his tastes, and in this particular instance, t" his groat detriment, nearly every particle* of this brain-nourisding phosphorus is found in the hull or bran of the wheat, which, when separated from the flour, for the sake of merely gratifying the eye with the sight of white bread, car ries with it all the superiority which wheat possesses over a dozen other kinds of cheaper vegetables. In addi tion to this, the mechanical action of the bran on the internal organs keeps them in a healthy state, and supercedes the necessity of pills and other cathar tics, 'which many people are obliged to use habitually. This matter of making flour of the whole wheat is well under stood, and approved by every school of physicians, and through their recom mendation to their patients, and the teachings of health journals, its use is becoming somewhat common, and wheat meal, as it is called, is a staple article in the markets." JOSH BILLINGS' SAYINGS.—Ef a man flatters you, yu kan karkerlate that he is a rogue or you are a fule. Keep both ize open, but don't see mor'n half you notis. Ef you ieh for fame, go into a grave yard and scratch yourself against a tumestone. Young man, be more anxious about the pedigree yur going to leave, than you are about the won somebody's go ing, tu leave you. Sin is like weeds—self sone and sure to cum. About as sure away to get rich ascu ny I know of, is to get inter debt for a hundred thousand. WHY is coffee like an axe with a dull-edge? Because it ha- to l>e ground. A writer in nn Eastern paper says there "ought to ho p. new edition of Father Grant's story published irunu - diateiy, with copious illustrations, not forgetting, as the most prominent of theinall, that of Grant, junior, riding on a mule with a monkey on his back. S ichan illustrat ion, alt hough retrospec tive, would be quite apt to-day ; for is not Grant riding a rnule; the animal sometimes represented by Andy John son and sometimes by Thud. Stevens and the Radical party? But which ever animal he rides he always carries a monkey on his back in the shape of the politicians. What effect this literary contribution may have on public opin ion or how it may boused by thoßolu miunsund other men of genius we know not. We know, however, what was the effect of General Scott's speeches about the sweet Irish brogue and delight ful German accent, the delicate allusions to a garment which shall be unmen tionable, and the hasty plate of soup, the tire in the rear and all the other well-timed and ill-timed allusions of that disappionted politician; but wecan not conceive what the effect may be of this paternal biography on the fortunes of Gen. Grant.'' Too BAD.—A little girl, dressed in bloomer costume, who had been seated between her elder sister and beau during a drive to the country, on her return accosted her ma thus: "Ma, 1 won't ride with siter Jane and Thomas Smith any more, for he ke; ps a hug ging ana kissing her all the while.— Now, just see how lie mussed up my pretty bloomer hat," at the same time holding up to the astonished mother's view a dilapidated-looking bloomer. "Susan! Susan! how can you talk so?" was the mother's exclamation, "it can't be possible that your sister allows Mr. Smith to take such liberties!" "Yes, but it is possible," was the reply of the mischievous little minx; "and mother, she likes it, for she leans up to him just like brother Jack's Guinea pig when he scratches his back." COULD'XT STAND IT.—An adipose friend whose snoring power is so great that on a summer's night a watchman roused the family, thinking some one was dying in the house, lately stopped at a hotel in Maine. Aware of his in firmity, he requested the man to give him a room as distant from other dor mitories ars possible, that he might not disturb their tenants. He retired in due time, and fatigued by travel, sunk into slumber and soon began to snore, the sound gradually increasing from that of a droning bagpipe to the loud est trooper's bugle. At length he was aroused by a tremendous pounding at his door, which he opened and inquir ed: "What do you want?" "Want!" exclaimed the fellow who had waked; "Want! quiet to be sure. I've slept in a saw mill; but, hang me, if I can stand your noise." IN the darkest days of the Atlantic U'lognijih enterprise, a friend of Gyros Field's bought ten thousand dollars of stock for a ten dollar bill. Mr. Field offered to take the stock at a consider able advance. "Well, hut what do you advise me to do, Mr. Field?" "Take your stoek home," was the reply; "lock it up in your safe, and never look at it, or think of it till you come to me for your dividends on it." And that man is now receiving on his in vestment of ten dollar.-, eight hundred dollars per annum in gold. SERFDOM IN RUSSIA.—A report of the condition of the Russian serfs, at the beginning of 1868, has just been published. From this it appears that there are still 3,62!),382 serfs not eman cipated. The number of the emanci pated serfs is now 6,116.635, including 1,168,140 in Lithuania. Of these only 518,529 have obtained their emancipa tion by voluntary agreements entered into by their masters. The remainder have become proprietors through the intervention of the government, which has appropriated some $300,000,006 for the compensation of the old landhold ers. "TOMMY, my son, fetch in a stick of wood." "Ah, my dear mother," re sponded the youth, "the grammatical portion of your education has been sadly neglected; you should have said ; "Thornmas, my son, transport from that recumbent collection of comhusti - hie material upon the threshold of this edifice, one of the curtailed exeresceiws of a defunct log." A GENTLEMAN who had hec-n justice of the peace for thirty-five years, was not allowed to register in the State of West Virginia, because he purchased a horse named Stonewall Jackson; the register remarking "that he'd be d—d if any "troolyloil" man would own a horse by that name. A SOBER PROPOSITION.—A man who had been fined several weeks in suc cession for getting drunk, coolly pro posed to the magisrrate that he should take him by the year at a reduced rate. ADVERSITY exasperates fools, dejects cowards, draws out the faculties of the wise and industrious, puts the mod est to the necessity of trying their skill, awes the opulent, and makes the idle industrious. "No Biddy," said Patrick to his wife, "you never catch a lie coming out of my mouth." "You may well say that," replied Biddy ; "they fly out o fast that nobody can catch 'em." A SILLY fellow, who, wishing to learn to swim, was almost drowned, swore that he would never touch the water again till he had learwd to swim. ~ A FRENCH scientific antiquarian has published a work in which he attempts to prove that Solomon,s Temple was furnished with lightning rods. MA RKIAGE is the best state for man in general; and every man is a worse man in proportion he is unfit for the marriage state.