srti-(so<xl.s, rtf.
pASH BUYERS,"T*AKK NOTICE!
SAVE YOUR GREENBACKS!
NEW
FALL AND WINTER GOODS,
just received,
At J. M. SHOEMAKER'S Store,
AT GREATLY REDUCED PRICES'
Having just returned from the East, we are now
a large stock of Fall and Winter Goods,
which have been BOUGHT FOR CASH, at nett
cash prices, and will be SOLD CHEAP. This be
ing the only full stock of goods brought to Bedford
this season, persons will be able to suit themselves
better, in style, quality and price, than at any
other store in Bedford The following comprise a
few of our prices, viz :
Calicoes, at 10, 12, 14, 15, 16 and the
best at 18 cents.
Muslins at 10, 12, 14, 15, 10, 18, and
and the best at 22 cents.
All Wool Flannels frotn 40ets. up.
French Merinoes, all wool Delaines, Coburgs, Ac.
SHAWLS —Ladies', children's and misses'
shawls, latest styles; ladies'cloaking cloth.
MEN'S WEAR—Cloths, cassimeres, satinetts.
jeans. Ae.
BOOTS AND SHOES--In this line we have a
very extensive assortment for ladies, misses, chil
dren, and men's and boys' boots and shoes, all sizes
and prices, to suit all.
HATS—A large assortment of men's and boys'
hats.
CLOTHING—Mon'a and boys' ooats. pants and
vests, all sizes and prices
SHIRTS, Ac.—Men's woolen and muslin shirts;
Shakspeare, Lockwood and muslin-lined paper
collars; cotton chain (single and double, white
ami colored).
GROCERIES—Coffee, sugar, syrups, green and
black teas, spices of all kinds, dye-stuffs, Ac.
LEATHER —Sole leather, Freuch and city calf
skius, upper leather, linings, Ac.
We will sell goods on the same terms that
we nave been for the last three months—cash,'or
note with interest from date. No bad debts con
tracted and no extra charges to good paying cus
tomers to make up losses of slow and never paying
customers. Cash buyers always get the best bar
gains, ind their accounts are always settled up.
J. M. SHOEMAKER,
Bedford, 5ep.27,'67. No. 1 Anderson's Row.
10 per cent, saved in buying your
goods for oash, at J. M SHOEMAKER'S cash and
produce store, No. I Audersou's How.
sep27
BARGAINS!
The undersigned have oponed a very full supply
of
FALL AND WINTER GOODS.
Our stock is complete and is not surpassed in
EXTENT,
QUALITY AND CHEAPNESS.
The old system of
"TRUSTING FOREVER"
haviug exploded, we are determined to
SELL GOODS UPON TNE SHORTEST PROFIT
FOR
CASH OR PRODUCE.
To prompt pnying customers we will extend
a credit ol four months, but we wish it expressly
understood, after the period named, account will be
due and interest will accrue thereon.
BUYERS FOR CASH
may depend upon
GETTING BARGAINS.
n0v1,'67 A. B. CRAMER A CO.
E\V GOODS!! NEW GOODS!!
The undersigned has just received from the East a
large and varied stock of New Goods,
which are now open for
examination, at
MILL-TOWN,
two miles West of Bedford, comprising everything
usually found in a first-class country store,
consisting, in part, of
Dry-Goods,
* Delaines,
Calicoes,
Muslins,
Cassiraers,
• Boots and Shoes,
Groceries,
Notions,
Ac., Ac.
All of which will be sold at the most reasonable
prices.
jy Thankful for past favors, we solicit a con
tinuance of the public patrouage.
; gr* Call and examine our goods.
may24,'67. G. YEAGER
|
IVTEW FIRM! NEW FIRM!
IN
GOOD GOODS ARE >WN!
SCHELLSBURG AHEAD!
NEW GOODS! NEW GOODS!
just received and will be sold
AT GREATLY REDUCED PRICES.
Call at BLACK A MAIIBOURG'S,
in Schellsburg,
IF YOU WANT CHEAP GOODS of any kind !
We have no big stock of old goods at big prices.
Our stock is nearly all fresh and new. Look at
some of our prices :
MUSLINS, from 10 to 17 cents.
CALICOS, from 8 to 15 cents.
CLOTHS and CABSIMERE3 at reduced prices.
DRESS GOODS, all kinds, cheaper than before
the war.
ALL WOOLEN GOODS 25 per cent, cheaper
than any that have been sold this season.
Gloves,
. Hosiery,
etc., etc., etc.,
very low.
Groceries,
Queensware,
Wooden Ware
fcc., Ac.,
at the lowest market prices.
If you want Good Bargains and Good Goods,
cail at BLACK A MARBOURG'S.
Schellsburg, Dec. 6m3
VfEW ARRIVAL.—Just received
at M C. FEITERLY'S FANCY STOKE,
Straw Hats and Bonnets, Straw Ornaments, Rib
bons Flowers, Millinery Goods, Embroideries,
Handkerchiefs, Bead-trimmings, Buttons. Hosiery
and Gloves. White Goods. Parasols and Sun-Um
brellas, Balmorals and Hoop Skirts. Fancy Goods
and Notions, Ladies' and Children's Shoes. Our
assortment contains all that is new and desirable.
Thankful for former liberal patronage we hope
to be able to merit a continuance from all our cus
tomers. Please call and see our new stock.
maySl
BY MEYERS & MENGEL.
sry-&ootl$. &r.
/GLORIOUS N E W S!
' FOR
THE PEOPLE!
TELL IT ! EVERYBODY TELL IT!
COTTON NO LONGER KING!
G. R. OSTER & CO.
Are now receiving at their NEW STORE a
large and carefully selected stock of new and
CHEAP Dry Goods, Furs, Clothing, Carpetings,
Oil cloths, Hats, Caps, Boots, Shoes, Wall papers,
Willow-ware, Queens-ware, Oils, Tobaccos, Segars,
Ac., together with an extensive assortment of Fresh
Groceries, which for extent and CHEAPNESS is
unrivaled in Central Pennsylvania, all of which
they offer wholesale or retail at prices that defy
competition. Piles of calico prints and muslin
from 61 cents up to sublime quality.
They invite all to call, see for themselves and
be convinced
TERMS .—POSITIVELY CASH on DELIVERY, un
less otherwise specified.
Beoford, Pa., Dec.13,'67m3.
g1000 DOLLARS REWARD! !
Just received at the New Imperial
. BARGAIN STORE,
A handsome assortment of
NEW SPUING GOODS. -
As goods are now advancing daily, and no doubt
will be much higher, we think families cannot buy
too soon. G. R. OSIEK A CO.
feb2Bm2
DOLLARS WORTll! !
ot Boots and Shoes of every description and best
Manufacture, just received and For Sale 25 per
cent Cheaper ihan heretofore.
The Boot and Shoe Department of
G. R OSTEII $ CO.
has become a leading feature in their business,
and is now the place to get Good as well us Cheap
Boots and shoes, as they have the largest and best
assortment in town. feb2Sui2
JJATS! HATS!!
Jusi received the leading New Spring Styles of
G p uts, Boys and Children's Hats, much cheaper
than heretofore. We would call special attention
to the Cents Self-eonfortuing Casstmere dress Hat,
also the Velvet finish Seit-conforu.ing Flexible
Band Hat. These Hats will be found to be very
desirable, being very soft in bandaod conforming
immediately to the shape of the head.
G. R. OSIER <fc CO.
A NOTHER VETO ON HIGH
PRICES 1 .
*
YOU CAN SAVE MONEY
by buying your GOODS of
MILLER A BOWSER,
Mann's Corner, • - - BEDIORD. Pa.
They are now opening a choice variety of
NEW AND DESIRABLE
FALL AND WINTER GOODS.
Dry-Goods,
Ready-Made Clothing,'
Fancy Goods,
Notions,
Cotton Yarn,
Hats and Caps,
Boots and Shoes,
Groceries,
Queensware,
Wooden ware,
Tobacco and Cigars,
Brooms,
Baskets,
Ac., Ac., Ac.
LOOK AT SOME OF THEIR PRICES:
CALICO, at 8, 10, 12, 15, 16.
GINGHAM, at 12*, 15, 18, 20.
MUSLIN, at 10,12, 14, 15,18, 20.
©§Sr Cassimeres, Cloths, Satinettsand
Ladies' Sacking, at very low prices.
©a?* Ladies', Gents' and Misses'
Shoes. SandaU and Over-Shoes, in great variety.
Men's, Boys' and Youths' Boots.
Best Coffee, Tea, Sugar and Syr
up in the market. Prices low
Feed, Flour, Ac., for sale at all
| times.
©©- We invite all to call and see our
goods and compare prices before buying elsewhere.
Our motto i%, Short Proffits.
1 Bfcgr Terms—Cash, Note or Produce.
0ct25,'67
SELLERS A FOLWELL,
WHOLESALE
COS FECTIONERS and Fruiterers,
No. 161 North Third Street,
PHILADELPHIA.
feb2lm3 SjP Orders promptly attended to.
TERMS OF PUBLICATION.
THE BEDFORD GAZETTE is published every Fri
day morning by METERS A MKKHEL, at $2.00 per
annum, if paid strictly iff (idvanre $2.50 if paid
within six months; $3.00 if not paid within six
months. All subscription accounts MUST be
settled annually. No paper will be sent out of
the State unless paid for IN ADVAXCE, and all such
subscriptions will invariably be discontinued at
the expiration of the time for which they are
paid.
All ADVERTISEMENTS for a less term than
three months TEN CENTS per linerfor each In
sertion. Special notices one-half additional All
resoluti'ns of Associations; communications of
limited or individual interest, and notices of mar
riages and deaths exceeding five line, ten cents
per line. Editorial notices fifteen cents per line.
All legal Notices of every kind, and Orphans' 1
Court and Judicial Sales, are required by law
to be published in both papers published in this
V lae * , , .
All advertising due after first insertion.
A liberal discount is made to persons advertising
by the quarter, half jear, or year, as follows:
3 months. 6 months. 1 year.
♦One squaro - - - $-150 SGOO $lO 00
Two squares ... 600 900 16 00
Three squares - - - 8 00 12 00 20 00
Quarter column - - 14 00 20 00 35 00
Half column - - - 18 00 25 00 45 00
One column - - - - 30 00 45 00 80 00
♦Ono square to occupy one inch of space.
JOB PRINTING, of every kind, done with
neatness and dispatch. THE GAZETTE OFFICE has
just been refitted with a Power Press and new type,
and everything in the Printing line can be execu
ted in the most artistic manner and at the lowest
rates —TERMS CASH.
kjp All letters should be addressd to
MEYERS & MENGEL,
Publishers.
ihc gtetlforil ©noetic.
THE PRESS OF PENNSYLVANIA ON
THE SITI'ATION.
We hope and trust, for the sake of
humanity, that civil war may beaver
ted. Yet it were better to lose our
lives than transmit to posterity such a
government as Stevens, Sumner, Wade,
and others of that ilk, would make this
if they gucceed in their hellish designs
against the constituted authorities.— ,
The Advocate , Ridgway, Elk County.
These things are stirring the great
heart of the people, as well as they
may. They are finding their interests ;
trifhd with—their ( onstitution derid
ed—their halls of legislation filled with
conspirators—their hopes blasted—their
security menaced—and theircountry on ;
the verge of another terrible civil war
to keep power in the hands of the mi
nority.— The Western Press, Mercer,
Mercer County.
The people have waited patiently
for this movement, and they now
hope that the President will continue
decisive measures to uphold his consti
tutional authority, and if possible, to
curb the progress of the infamous Rad
ical usurpation. Now that the Presi
dent has made the issue, let him stand
firm and the people will sustain him. —
Democrat and Register , Mifflintown,
Juniata County.
The Radicals in Congress have enter
ed upon the desperote step of impeach
ing the President of the United States!
In so startling an emergency, thinking
men may well ask, "what are we com
ing to?" The answer is not at hand,
but this may he taken as certain, that;
a much longer continuance of that par
ty in power will result in general pros
tration and ruin, and the ultimate
wreck of our institutions. — The Com
piler, Gettysburg, Adams County.
We look upon this man Stanton as
the true representative of the vices of
the Radical faction—insolent brutal,
cowardly and mendacious, and to hear
it claimed that he and his associates,;
will conduct themselves as men of high
honor, pure patriotism and true cour
age creates a feeling of indignant dis
gust in the minds of all good men. II
the President pursues with firmness
the course he lias begun, and we feel
assured that he will, the country will
see an exhibit of low conduct in these
wretched creatures which will aston
ish even them. We want to see the
Radical Monster in all his hideousness,
so that the people may strike it down
forever—that the utter detestation for
i it of citizens of the United States may
l
; lie expressed in such a manner, that no
! other such high-handed villainy shall
trouble us again.— The Union, Wilkes
barre, Luzerne County.
There can be no question that the
President will not shrink from the
performance of his duty, and it is for
the people now to come to the rescue,;
stop these infernal Congressional
cobinsand villains in their mad, dam- j
nable crusade against the Chief Execu
tive of the nation, and if necessary
• hurl by force these bold, bad men
! from power. The time for talking lias
passed, the time for action has arrived.
The excitement in the capital of the
country is great, and timid men there
are dumbfounded, not knowing what
to do. But there is one man to whom
we look for relief from the dangers
which environ our beloved country. He I
can bring the Ship of State safelyj
' through these troubled waters. That
man is Andrew Johnson. In him we j
have faith, and may God defend the
right.— The Gazette, Reading, Berks
County.
Although this last action of the Rump
places the country in stormy times,
we believe it will prove to be a bless
ing. The people are tired of strife; and
new convulsions, hazarded from par
tisan motives, will add a resistless im
, petus to the reaction which set in last
summer, and is destined to sweep the
Republican party into defeat and dis
grace.— The Democrat, Honesdale,
j Wayne County.
President Johnson is once more
threatened with impeachment and re
moval from office, for the exercise of
i his constitutional functions, and for
BEDFORD, PA., FRIDAY MORNING, MARCH 13, 1868.
doing what all bis predecessors, from
Washington to Lincoln claimed the
right to do witho*' question from any
one, or from any department of the j
government. — The Watchman, Belle
fonte, Centre County.
No true patriot can foil to sympa
thize and sustain President Johnson in
his course. The power of selecting his j
own Cabinet ministers, has been exer- j
cised by, and conceded to, every Presi
dent from Washington down, and any j
law, or pretended law, which aims at j
the curtailment or destruction of this;
right is clearly unconstitutional and ;
void.—The Gazette, York, York Coun- i
ty.
The infamous conduct of this most
infamous Rump will certainly end in
a tragical way, unless Thaddeus Stevens
and his co-conspirators hastily change |
their programme, and conform them
selves to their oqtfjs and the Constitu- !
tion of their country.—The Republi
can, Clearfield, Clearfield County.
We feel satisfied that President John
son will only act on the defensive, and
should the Senate attempt to remove
him, he has only to call on the people:
to sustain him, and then woe be to
those perjured villains who have for
the past few years been controlling the
legislation of the country. They will j
find no convenient back windows by
which to effect an escape from the pun
ishment they so richly merit.— The
Herald, Brookville, Jefferson County.
Should the conspirators against the
public liberties manifest a disposition
to complete the work they have begun,
it will be the duty of the Democratic j
party to announce in language that
cannot be misunderstood, its determin
ation on the subject, and proceed to
adopt means for making that deter
mination good. The Observer, Erie
Erie County.
Excitement reigns over all the coun
try, and the Jacobins may have the
satisfaction of inaugurating an era of
revolution worthy of their historical
namesakes. — The Democrat, Laporte,
Sullivan County.
Before another month rolls around,
we will have passed through another
crisis in our history which will tell
either for the weal or woe of the whole
people. We pray God, in His infinite
goodness, that He so temper the hearts
of all the people, as to prevent die hor
rors of what now seetns to be an im
pending civil war! — The Gazette, Ber
wick, Columbia County.
For what crime is the President thus
to be dealt with ? Why, for doing pre
cisely what every former President
has done, and what the Constitution
guarantees every President the right
to do—the right to choose his own Cab
inet. If this action of Congress is suc
cessful, and is to be established as a
precedent, any future Congress may
summarily put out any President by
merely passing an unconstitutional act,
and if such President refuses to recog
nize and obey it, or takes any steps to
have it judicially tested, he will sub
ject himself to impeachment at once.--
The Local, Beaver, Beaver County.
If, instead of Congress going off into
spasms, on the announcement by the
President that he had removed Stan
ton, they had quietly awaited tho re
sult, and co-operated with the Presi
dent in endeavoring to have a judicial
settlement of the question at the earli
est day, the whole matter might have
been disposed of by this time, and the
public mind set at rest. But this did
not suit the Radical purposes.— The In
telligencer, Danville, Montour County.
The people are everywhere express
ing their willingness to stand by the
President with their fortunes and their
lives, if needs be. Both houses of the
Legislature of New Jersey have adopt
ed a resolution to support the Execu
tive. A paper is being publicly and
numerously signed in New York,
pledging support of arms, if required.
In Philadelphia, numerous meetings
were called, and tenders of aid made
the President. From all sides comes
similar offers.— The Democrat , McCon
uellsburg, Fulton County.
That the President has the Constitu
tion of the country, and right on his
side, we have no manner of doubt. His
patience and forbearance in presenting
his rights are most commendable, and
just the contrary to the impatience and
passion displayed by Congress. That
he will be sustained by the people of
the country, there is the strongest rea
son to believe, from the universal ap
proval his acts have received, and the
denunciations of thecourse of Congress,
by Democrats and Conservatives every
where.— The Standard, Pottsvilie,
Schuylkill County.
The country is greatly agitated as a
result of these revolutionary proceed
ings, and there is no telling what the
matter may terminate in—perhaps
revolution and bloodshed. Let every
good man sustain the President because
he is right, and condemn the Radical
leaders because they are wrong—infa
mously wrong.— The Democrat, Mauch
Chunk, Carbon County.
. BULI.Y BOY.— Old man Grant, Ulys
ses' father is writing the early life of
his son, which is now being published.
He says that when Ulysses was a boy,
if a circus or any show came along, in
which there was a call for somebody to
come forward and ride a pony, he was
always the one to present himself, and
whatever he undertook to ride he rode.
This practice he kept up, until he got
to be so large that he was ashamed to
ride a pony." The first chapter only
comes down to Ulysses' twelfth year.
In the next we look for the oid man to
give us a graphic description of the first
drink of "red eye" his precious boy
ever took.
ARTICLES OF IMPEACHHEXT.
The articles of impeachment against ,
the President of the United States,
were presented to the House on Sat
urday by Mr. Boutvvell. As we have
not space to print them in full this
week, we give the following synopsis
from the Baltimore Sun :
It will be seen that the committee
do not take up any act of the President
prior to the removal of Mr. Stanton, j
Most of the articles are based upon the j
alleged violation of the civil-tenure j
act, passed March 2, 1867, including
those from 1 to 5, as well as 7 and 8.
In addition to these, article 0 charges
unlawful conspiracy with General
Thomas to obtain possession of United
States property in the War Depart
ment, in violation of the act of July
31,1861, which provides "that if two
or more persons within any State or
Territory of the United States, shall
conspire together by force to prevent,
hinder or delay the execution of any
law of the United States, or by force
to seize, take or posessany property of
the United States against the will or
I contrary to the authority of the United
States or by force or intimidation or ;
threat to prevent any person froraaccep-;
tingor holding any office or trust or place
of confidence under the United States, j
each and every person so offending i
shall be guilty of a high crime." Ar
ticle 9 charges an unlawful effort to
control the disbursement of funds
for the military service and for the
War Department, contrary to the civ
el-tenure act. Article 10 charges that
the President, as commander-in-chief
; of the army, declared to and instruct
ed the commander of the department
|of Washington, General Emory, that
the portion of the army appropriation
bill of March 2, 1867, which "provides
1 that all orders and instructions rela
ting to military operations, issued by
the President or Secretary of War,
! shall be issued through the general of
the army," Ac., wqs unconstitutional
and in contravention of the comrnis
' sion of said Emory, the intent being
thereby "to induce said Emory" to
"violate the provisions of said law,"
and receive and act upon orders from
Mr. Johnson which would not be is
sued through the general of the army,
| all of which is declared to render the
President guilty of a high misdemean
! or in office.
Accompanying the articles of im
j peach men t is the testimony of General
i Emory, as well as of Luit. Col. Wal
| lace, commanding the garrison of
Washington, as in support of the al
legations of the tenth article, which,
it seems to us, it is impossible for any
one to read without unspeakable aston
ishment at the audacity which seeks
to found a guilty charge upon so flim
sy a basis. The provision in question
is one of those gross and incongruous
provisions which are sometimes injec
ted into appropriation bills for a pur
pose, and by which often not only the
! public officials themselves are entrap
j ped; but in this case the evidence
| does not show that anything at all was
done in violation of the act; on the
| contrary, it would appear that on a
' due understanding of the position the
j president no further referred to the
I subject.
IMPEACTIWEXT TRIALS.
Since the adoption of the. Constitu
tion there have been five trials of im
peachment by the Senate. The first
of these was that of William Blount,
a Senator from Tennessee. It com
menced December 17th, 1798, and was
concluded January 14th, 1799. The
next was the trial of John Pickering,
Judge of the New Hampshire District,
which lasted from March 3d to March
12th, 1803. The third was that of
Sam'lChase, oneof the Associate Judg
es of the Supreme Court of the United
States, which was commenced Novem
ber 30th, 1804, and lasted until March
Ist, 1805. The fourth was the trial of
James 11. Peck, Judge of the Missouri
District, which was prolonged through
two sessions, viz: from May 11th to
May 25th, 1830, and from December
30th of the same year to January 31st,
1831. The last trial by the Senate was
on the impeachment of Judge Hum
phreys, of the Tennessee District, about
the year 18G3, we think ; but the record
is not before us.
It may be interesting to give a brief
sketch of the mode of proceeding in
trials on impeachment. After the
House has resolved to make charges,
a committee is appointed to impeach
the accused before the Senate. Then
the Senate, by its Sergeant-at-arms,
summons the accused to appear and
answer. He is then furnishod with a
copy of the charge, and allowed time
to answer them. The House of Rep
resentatives replies totheanswer when
it is put in, declares its readiness to
prove its charges, and appoints man
agers to conduct the impeachment.—
A time is then determined for the
trial. The accused has the advantage
of legal advisers, and witnesses in his
behalf are compelled to attend. The
forms of trial are the salne as in other
courts of justice. When tlie trial is
concluded, the" Senate considers the
subject, and each Senator, having been
previously sworn, as jurors are sworn,
is called by name and says whether
the accused in his opinion is guilty or
not guilty. If two-thirds of the Sen
ators declare him guilty, then judge
ment to the effect is pronounced. The
sentence of the Senate on trial of im
peachment is limited to removal from
office, and future disqualification to
hold any office under the United
State,
VOL 62—WHOLE No. 5,434.
A ECOLOGY OF WOHF.X. BY "HARK
TWAIN."
At the dinner recently given by the
Correspondents' Club at Washington,
"Mark Twain" was called on to re
spond to the usual toast to "Women"
which he did in the following charac
teristic style:
"Mr. President: Ido not know why
I should have beCn singled out to re
ceive the greatest distinction of the
evening,—for so the office of replying
to the toast to women has been regard
ed in every age. [Applause.] Ido not
know why J have received this dis
tinction unless it be that I am a trifle
less homely than the other members of
the Club. But be this as it may, Mr.
President, I am proud of the position,
and you could not have chosen any
one who would have accepted it more
gladly, or labored with a heartier good
will to do the subject justice, than I.
Buoause, sir, I love the sex. [Laught
er.] I love all the women, sir, irre
spective of age or color. [ Laughter.]
"Human intelligence cannot esti
mate what we owe to women, sir.—
She sews on our buttons [laughter],
she mends ourclothes [laughterj, she
ropes us in at church fairs,—she con
fides in us; she tells us whatever she
can find out about the little private af
fairs of our neighbors; she gives us
good advice—and plenty of it; she
gives us a piece of her mind sometimes
—and sometimes all of it; she soothes
our aching brows: she bears our child
ren—ours as a general thing. In all
therelationsof life, sir, it is but just and
a graceful tribute to women to say of
her that she is a brick. [Great laught
er.]
"Wheresoever you place woman,sir
—in whatever position or estate—she
is an ornament to that place she occu
pies, and a treasure to the world.—
[Here Mr. Twain paused, looked in
quiringly at his hearers, and remark
ed that the applause should come in at
this point. It came in. Mr. Twain
resumed his eulogy.] Look at the no
ble names of history ! Look at Cleo
patra! look at Desdemona! look at
Florence Nightingale! look at Joan of
Arc ! look at Lucretia Borgia! [Dis
approbation expressed.] "Well,' said
Mr. Twain, scratching his head doubt
fully, 'suppose we let Lueretia slide.'
Look at Joyce I let h! look at Mother
Eve [Cries of 'Oh!' 'Oh!'] You
need not look at her unless you want
to, but (said Mr. Twain reflectively,
after a pause) Eve was ornamental, sir ;
particularly before the fashions chang
ed! I repeat, sir, look at the illustri
ous names of history. Look at Widow
Magree! look at Lucy Stone! look at
Elizabeth Cady Stanton! look at
George Francis Train ! [Great laugh
ter.] And sir, I say it with bowed
head and deepest veneration, look at
the mother of Washington! she raised a
| boy that could not lie—could not lie.
[Applause.] But he never had any
; chance, ['Oh !' 'Oh !'] It might have
i been different with him hacl he belong
ed to a newspaper correspondents'
club. [Laughter, groans, hisses, cries
of 'put him out.' Mark looked around
placidly upon his excited audience
and resumed.]
"I repeat, sir that in whatsoever po
| sition you place a woman she is an or
nament to society and a treasure to the
world. As a sweetheart she has few
equals and no superiors [laughter ]; as
a cousin she is convenient—as a wealthy
grand-mother she is precious—as a'wet
! nurse she has no equal among men !
[Laughter].
"What, sir, would the people of the
earth be without women? They would
jbe scarce, sir—almighty scarce ! Then
, let us cherish her—let us protect her—
let us give her our support, our encour
agement, our sympathy—ourselves, if
we get a chance.—[Laughter.]
"But jesting aside, Mr. President,
woman is lovable, gracious, kind of
heart, beautiful—worthy of all respect,
of all esteem, of all deference. Not any
here will refuse to drink her health
right cordially in this bumper of wine,
for each and every one of us has per
sonally known, ancl loved, and honor
j ed, the very best of them all —his own
! mother!" [Applause.]
MISUNDERSTOOD THE TEXT.—A
worthy deacon hired a journeyman
farmer from a neighboring town for
the Summer, and induced him, al
though he was unaccustomed to church
going—to accompany the family to
church on the first Sabbath of his stay.
Upon their return to the deacon's
house he asked his hired man how
he liked the preaching. He replied—
"l dont like to hear any minister
preach politics."
"I am very sure you heard no pol
itics to-day," said the deacon.
"I am sure that I did," said the
man.
"Mention the passage," replied the
deacon.
"I will." He said; "If the Demo
crats scarcely are saved, where will
the Republicans appear?"
"Ah" said the deacon, "you mistake.
These were the words—'lf the righte
ous scarcely are saved, how will the
wicked and ungodly appear?' "
"O, yes," said the man, "he might
have used those words but I know
dueeed well what he meant.
Senator Wade, in his recent speech,
declared that the gates of hell could
not prevail against the Radical party.
Probably not. Whenever these prin
ciples butt against those gates the gates
will give way and into hell will go
both principles and party.— Ex.
' SHE WOI'LDVT HARRY A NECHANK
A young man commenced visiting a
young woman, and appeared to be well
pleased. One evening he called when
it was quite late, which led the young
lady to enquire where he had been.
"I had to work to night."
"What! do you work for a living?"
she enquired in astonishment.
"Certainly," replied the young man,
"I am a mechanic."
"I dislike the name of a mechanic,"
and she turned up her pretty nose.
That was the last time the young
man visited that young woman. lie is
now a wealthy man, and has one of the
best women in the country for his wife.
The lady who disliked the name of a
mechanic is now the wife of a misera
ble fool—a regular vagrant about grog
shops—-and the soft, verdant, silly mis
erable girl is obliged to take in wash
ing in order to support herself and
children.
You dislike the name of a mechanic,
oh ? You whose brothers are but well
dressed loafers. We pity any girl who
has so little braius, who is so verdant,
so soft, as to think less of a young man
for being a mechanic—one of God's
noblemen—tho most dignified and hon
orable personage of heaven's creatures.
Beware, young ladies, how you treat
young men who work for a living, for
you may one day bo menial to one of
them yourself.
Far better to discharge the well-fed
pauper with all his rings, jewelry,
brazeness and pomposity, and take to
your affections the callous handed, in
telligent and industrious mechanic.
Thousands have bitterly regretted
their folly who havo turned their backs
to honesty. A few years have taught
them a severe lesson.
A GOOD TEST.— In consideration of
the' fact that frequent explosions in
coal oil, kerosene, etc., are of almost
daily occurrence, endangering life and
property, the following simple method
of testing the pure (non-explosive)
from the impure or mixed (explosive)
article, may bo of benefit to peoplo
who are obliged to use coal oil instead
of gas. A gentleman connected with
one of the principal railways centering
at Harrisburg informs us the oil used
for the "head-light" or reflector of an
engine, is a mixture of pure, refined
coil oil and lard. In order to prevent
explosions, it is highly necessary touse
the pure article of coil oil. To ascer
tain whether the latter is pure, a quan
tity is poured out upon a hoard or fiat
piece of stone or iron, and a piece of
burning paper applied to it. If the
oil takes fire, and burns, creating a
flame, it is pronounced an adulteration
and unfit for use. On the other hand,
pure oil will not burn in the open air,
when thus tested, and its safety may
be relied upon. In this manner large
quantities for railway purposes are test
ed. The hint is worthy the attention of
consumers of coal oik All the kero
sene, or so called "refined" coal oil
that will not stand the above test,
ought to be promptly excluded from
every household.
THREE QUESTIONS FOR EVERY MAN
TO ANSWER HONESTLY.—If the South
ern States by act of Secession or result
of War are not out of the Union, how
can Congress declare an amendment to
the Federal Constitution ratified which
has riot received the sanction of three
fourths of thirty-seven States; as by
the Constitution ?
Again—
If the Southern States are not out of
the Union, by what right is it attemp
ted to make of them a Southern Despot
ism given over to one to rule, as is pro
posed ?
Again—
If they are out of the Union (and on
no other base can a despotism be there
established,) how came they out, when
went they out, and in ichat way was
the war a success I—Biddeford (Me.}
Democrat.
The following item from the Lewis
town Gazette will be of interest to our
farmer readers :
ROCK WHEAT.—Some years ago a
fine stalk of wheat was found growing
among the rocks on Shade Mountain,
which when ripe was plucked by Mr.
Miller and handed to Joseph Krick of
Decatur township, who has been rais
ing it since, and lust fall
four bushels, so that, should it contin
ue to yield as it has done, next year
will enable a number of farmers to un
dertake its cultivation. It is a white
wheat, with strong straw, remarkably
compact heads, grains thin-shelled, and
produced at the rate of 48 bushels to
the acre, while other wheat in similar
ground on the same farm averaged un
der 16 bushels.
WHERE'S THAT MAN?—A few days
ago the agent of an accidental insurance
company entered a railroad car, and ap
proaching an exceedingly gruff old
man, asked him if he did not want to
"take out a policy." He was told "to
get out with his policy," and passed
on. After riding about an hour, ah ac
cident occurred on the train, and the
car ran over the sleepers, causing much
consternation among the passengers.
The old man jumped up, and seizing a
hook at the side of the car to steady
himself, called out "where's that insur
ance man?" The question caused a
roar of laughter among the passengers,
who for the time forgot their danger.
—The Georgia tanists have resolved
to remove the State Capital from Mil
ledgeville to Atlana. Great is the nig
ger.
—The California Legislature has
passed resolutions approving the action
of the President and censuring the.
Rump.