TERMS OF PUBLICATION.
TH* BZDFORD GAZETTB is published every Fri.
DV M)RDING by METERS & MUSSEL. at $2.00 per
anntiEr-. if paid strictly in advance : $2.50 if paid
ftithir six months; $3 00 if not paid within six
months. A. II subscription accounts MUST be
settled annually. No paper will be sent out of
the State unless paid for is ADVAXCE. and all such
cubscriptions will invariably be discontinued at
tff' expiration of the tinje for which they are
naid.
All ADVERTISEMENTS for a less term than
three months TEN CENTS per line for each In
sertion. Speeial notices one-half additional All
resolution* of Associations; communications of
limitet or individual interest, and notices of mar
riages and deaths exceeding five line?, ten cents
per lit e. Editorial notices fifteen cents per line.
All .'rttal N otters of every kind, and Orphans'
('ourt and Judicial Sales, are required by lair
tub' published in both papers published in this
Clf' ail advertising due after first insertion.
\ lib tral discount is made to persons advertising
by the ((uarter. half year, or year, as follows:
3 mouths. 6 months. 1 year.
♦One square - - - $4 0 sfi (to $)o 00
Two squares - - - 600 900 16 00
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JOB PRINTING, of every kind, done with
neatne's J n d dispatch. THE GAZETTE OFFICE has
just been refitted with a Power Press and new type,
and everything in the Printing line can he execu- :
ted in the most artistic manner and at the lowest
rates.—TERMS CASH
Cpi' All letters should be addressd to
MEYERS A MENGEL,
Publishers. j
;Vtorncus at i'atv,
JOSEPH W. TATE, ATTORNEY
f) AT LAW. BEDFORD. PA. Will promptly |
Httend to collections of bounty, hack pay. Ac., ;
aid ail busines.- entrusted to hi" care in Bedford j
and adjoining counties.
Cash advanced on judgments, notes, military !
and other claims.
Has for sale Town lots in Tatesville, and St.- ;
Joseph'." on Bedford Railroad. Farms and unim
proved land, from one acre to 900 acres to suit j
purchasers
Office nearly opposite the "Meujjel Hotel" aud .
Bank of Reed A 8c hell.
April 1, 1865—1y
ODWARD P. KERR, ATTORNEY 1
[ j AT LAW, BEDFORD. PA. Will punctually
*ad carefully attend to all business entrusted to !
hi" care. Soldiers'claims for bounty, back pay !
Ac., speedily collected. Office with 11. Nieode
aius. Esq., on Juliana street, nearly opposite the
Banking House of Reed A Schell.
April 7, 1865.
J K. DI'RBORKOW j " JOHX LVTZ. \
hl'Rßo RBO W A LUt t J
ATTORNEYS AT LAW. BEDFORD. PA , |
Will attend promptly to all business intrusted to ;
their care. Collections made on the shortest no- j
They are. also, regularly licensed Claim Agents
and will give speeial attention to the prosecution
of claims against the Government for Pensions, j
Back Pay. Bounty, Bounty Lands, Ac.
Office on Juliana street, one door South of the
Mengel House." and nearly opposite the Inquirer
office '
rOHN P. REED, ATTORNEY AT
?| LAW. BEDFORD, PA Respectfully tenders
his services to the pnblic.
Office second door North of the Mengel House.
Bedford. Aug. 1. 1861
JOHN PA LM ER, ATT< )RN FY AT
J LAW, BEDFORD, PA. Will promptly attend 1
to all business entrusted to his care.
Particular attention paid to the collection of '
Military claims. Office on Juliana Street, nearly
opposite the Mengel House.
Bedford. Aug. 1, 1861.
JT-RY M. ALSIP, ATTORNEY AT j
('j LAW, BEDFORD, PA. Will faithfully and
promptly atteud to all business entrusted to his |
•are in Bedford and adjoiniug counties. Military;
claims, back pay, bounty, Ac., speedily collected.
Office with Mann A Sparg. on Juliana street, ;
two doors South of the Mengel House.
Jan 22. 1-64,
F. M. KIMMELL. | J. W LIXGRNFELTER. j
KIMMELL & LINGENFELTER,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW. BEDFORD, PA., j
Have formed a partnership in the practice of j
the Law. Office on Juliana street, two doors South
of the "Mengel House,"
/ T H. SPANG, ATTORNEY AT
\J. LAW. BEDFORD. PA. Will promptly at
tend to collections and all business entrusted to
his care in Bedford and adjoining counties.
Office on Juliana Street, three doors south of the
•Mengel House," opposite the residence of Mrs. j
Tate.
May 13, 1-64
J No. H. FILLKIt. J. T. liK.ua
UMLLER A- KEAGY have formed a j
1 partnership in the practice of the law . At- !
tention paid to Pensions, Bounties and Claims
against the Government.
office on Juliana street, formerly occupied by
Hon. A. King. March 31, '65. j
iMtusirians and dentists.
- —•
J) H. PENNSYL, M. IX, BLOODY
| . Kis, Pa., (late surgeon 56th P. V. V.,) ten
ders his professional services to the people of that
pl0 and vicinity. Dee. 22, '65-ly* j
\l' W.JAMIHON. M.D., BLOODY ,
IT . itrx. Pa., tenders his professional servi- !
ce? to the people of that place and vicinity. Office ,
one door west of Richard Lf ngdon's store.
Nov 24, 65—ly
I\R. J. E. MARBOTJRG, Having
1/ permanently located, respectfully tenders j
hi professional services to the citizens of Bedford j
and vicinity
Office on Juliana street, east side, nearly opposite j
the Banking House of Heed A Schell.
Bedford, February 12, 1864.
C N.HICKOK, | G. VIXNICH, JH., j
J h E N TISTS,
1 I BEDFORD, PA. j
Office in the Rank Building. Juliana St. |
All operations pertaining to Surgical or Me- :
ehanieal Dentistry carefully performed, and war- j
runted
TFRVS —CASH.
Bedford, January 6,1865.
§XBkrrs.
•JACOB USED, | J.J. SCHELL, j
I) E E D A NI) SC H EL L,
l\ Hankers and
1> K ALER S 1N E X CHA NG E,
BEDFORD, PA.,
DRAFTS bought and sold, collections made ami
woney promptly remitted.
D-po-it? solicited.
'• W. Rrt'P O. K. SHAXXOX F. BENEDICT
I) UPP, SHANNON A CO., BANK-
L \ ERS, BEDFORD. PA.
BANK OF DISCOUNT AND DEPOSIT.
COLLECTIONS made for the East, West, North
arid South, and the general business of Exchange
•an*acted Notes and Accounts Collected and
R-njittances promptly made. REAL ESTATE
bought and sold. Oct. 29. 1865.
aUsfcUancous.
UAXIEL BORDER,
PITT STREET, TWO DOORS WF.ST OF THE BF.D
t'oRD HOTEL, BEDFORD. PA.
WATCHMAKER AND DEALER IN JEWEL
RY. SPECTACLES, AC
He keeps ob hand a stock of fine Gold and Sil
ver Watches, Spectacle? of Brilliant Double He
hr.ed Glasses, also Scotch Pebble Glasses. Gold
'• atch Chains, Breast Pins, Finger Ring*, best
quality of Gold Pens. He will supply to order
any thing in his line not on hand.
Oct. 2n. 1865-
UF. IRVINE,
• ANDERSON'S ROM', BEDFORD. PA.,
Dealer in Boots, Shoes. (Jueensware. and Varie
ties ty Orders from Country Merchant? re
spectfully solicited
Oct 20, 1865,
DAVID DEFIBAUGH, Gunsmith,
Bodtord, Pa Shop same as formerly occu
pied by John Border, deceased. Having resumed
*°rk. he is now prepared to fill all orders for new
§" ns the shortest dotice Repairing done to or
'he patrouage of the public is respectfully
Oct. JOT'6S.
\( jBEST BEREA GRIND STONES
sire*, also patent fixtures fur same
sl)c (Icbforb #ft?dtc.
BY MEYERS & MENGEL
o he 'lbdfaril (tecttr,
0 . s
MISCHIEF .MAKERS.
Oh ! could there in this world be found
Some little spot of happy ground.
Where village pleasure* might go round
Without the village tattling I
How doubly blest that place would be.
Where all might dwell in liberty
Of gorsip's endleas prattling !
If sucb a spot were really known.
Dame Peace might claim it as her own..
And in it she might fix her throne
Forever and forever;
There, like a queen, might reign and live
Where every one wpuld soon forgive
The little slight they might receive,
And be offended never
The mischief-maker* that remove
Far from our hearts the warmth of love,
And lead us all to disapprove
What gives another pleasure ;
They seem to take one's part, but when
They've heard your case, unkindly then
They soon retail them all again.
Mixed with poisonous measure.
And they have such a cunning way
Of telling tales. They say :
••Don't mention what I say, I pray ;
I would not tell another."
Straight to their neighbor's house they go.
Narrating everything they know.
And break the peace of high and low—
Wife, husband, friend, and brother.
Oh I that the mischief-making crew
Were all reduced to one or two.
And thjey were painted red and blue 1
That every one might know them ;
Then would the village soon forget
To rage and quarrel fume and fret,
And tall into an angry pet
W r ith things too much helow them
For 'tis a sad. degrading part.
To make another's bosom smart.
And plant a dagger in the heart
We ought to love and cherish ;
Then let us evermore be found
in quietness with all around,
While friendship, peace, and joy abound,
And angry feelings perish
BATTLES OF THE SWOKUEISII AMI
THE VHIAEE.
Among the extraordinary spectacles
sometimes witnessed by those who "go
down to the sea in ships," none are
more imprassive than a combat for a
supremacy between the monsters of the
deep. The battles of theswordfish and
the whale are described as Homeric in
grandeur. The swordlish go in shoals
like whales, and the attacks are often
regular sea-fights. When the two troop-
meet, as soon as the swordfisli have be
trayed their presence by a few bounds
in the air, the whales draw together
and elose their rank-. The swordfish
always endeavors to take the whale in
flank, either because its cruel instinct
has revealed to it the defect in the cui
rass—for there exists near the brachial
tins of the whale a spot where wounds
are mortal —or because' the flank pre
sents a wider surface to its blows. The
swordfish recoils to secure a greater im
petus. If the movement escapes the
keen eye of its adversary, the whale is
lost, receives the blow of the enemy,
and dies almost instantly. But if the
whale perceives the swordfish at the
instant of the rush, by a spontaneous
hound it springs clear of the water its
entire length, anil falls on its flank with
a crash that resounds many leagues, and
whitens the sea with boiling foam. The
gigantic animal has only its tail for de
fence. It tries to strike its enemy, and
tinishhiiii with a single blow. But if
the active swordfish avoids the fatal
tail, the battle becomes more terrible.
The aggressor springs from the water
in its turns, falls upon the whale, and
attempts, not to pierce, but to saw it
with the teeth that garni-h its weapon.
The sea is stained with blood; the fury
of the whale is boundless. The sword
tisn harasses him, strikes on every side,
kills him and flies to other victories.
< >ften the swordfish ha- not time to a
void the fall of the whale, and contents
itself with presenting its sharp saw to
the flank of the gigantic animal which
is about to crush it. It dies then like
Maccahieus, smothered beneath the
weight of tiie elephant of the ocean, j
Finally, the whale gives a few last
bound- into the air, dragging its assas
sin in its flight, and perishes as it kills
the monster of which it was the victim.
The heroic combats of the swordfish
with the whales would assuredly fur
nish matter for a.strange poem, in which
the grand would contend with the ec
centric. The sea of blood, loaded with
monstrous bodies devoid of life, and j
slain upon each other, would be a pic- j
ture worthy of inspiring a rival of the
singer of the Batrachomyomachia. ifi
the divine Homer did not hesitate to]
celebrate the wars of mice and frogs, ,
why should not one of the sons of A- j
polio accord the recital of the exploits
of the swordfish, and the formidable I
resistance of the giant of the waters? j
A W'KSTKKN correspondent say-: In
a district in the far west we had a gen
tleman teacher who thought it advisa
ble to give some lessons in politeness.
Among other things lie told the boys
in addressing a gentleman they should
always say Sir, and gave them exam
ples, and made quite a lesson of it. One
hoy was particularly delighted; and
took occasion to speak to Ills teacher
often, to show lie profitted by his teach
ings. When he went home to dinner
his father said:
"Tom, have some meat ?"
"Yes, Sir, I thank you."
The next thing the child knew his
father's hand came whack on his ear,
and his father's voice thundered forth,
i "I'll teach you Jo sass your dad!" Tom
gave up being polite.
THE following story is told of the
I Rev. Morse: At an association dinner
a debate arose as to the use of the rod
'in bringing up children. The doctor
took the affirmative, and the chief op
ponent was a young minister, whose
reputation lor veracity was not high.
He maintained that parents often do
harm to their children by unjust pun
ishment, not knowing the facts of
the case. "Why," said he, "the only
time my father whipped me was for
telling the truth." "Well," retorted
the doctor, "it cured you of it, didn't
j AII iTTI.It I.N NF.ARCH OF ITB.
< )n one oecassion a hatter named Wal
ter Dibble called to buy some furs of u.s.
For certain reasons I was anxious to I
play a joke upon him. I sold him sev
eral kinds of furs, including "beaver" j
and "coney." He wanted some 'Russia.'
I"told him we had none, but Mrs. Whee-'
ler, where I boarded, had several hun- j
dred pounds.
"What on earth is a woman doing j
with Russia?" he said.
I could not answer, but assured him
that there were one hundred and thirty
pounds of old Russia and one hundred
and fifty pounds of young Russia in
Mrs. Wheeler's house, and under her
charge, but whether it was for sale I j
could not say.
Otf he started, with a view to make
the purchase. He knocked at thedoor. j
Mrs. Wheeler askfed him to walk in and 1
he seated. She, the elder, mat)? her |
appearance.
"1 want to get your Russia," said the
hatter.
Mrs. Wheeler asked him to walk in
and be seated. She, of course, supposed
he had come after her daughter Uushia.
"What do you want of Rushia? ask
ed the old lady.
"To make hats," was the reply.
"To trim hats, I suppose you mean ?"
responded Mrs. Wheeler.
"No; for the outside of hats," re-1
plied the hatter.
'Well, 1 don't know much about hats,
but I will call my daughter,' said the
old ladv.
Passing into tiie other room, where
Rushia the younger was at work, -he
informed her that a man wanted her to
make hats.
"Oh, he means sister .Mary, probably.
I suppose he wants some ladies' hats,"
was Rushia's reply, as she passed into
the parlor.
"I suppose you wish to see my sister
Mary ; she is our milliner," said the
younger Kushai.
"I wish to see whoever owns the
property."
Sister Mary was sent for, and soon
made her appearance. A- soon as lie
was introduced, the latter informed her
that he wished to buv Russia.
"Buy Rushia!" exclaimed Mary, in
surprise. "I don't understand you."
"Your name is Miss Wheeler, 1 be
lieve?" said the latter, who was annoy
ed at the difficulty he met with in be
ing understood.
"It is, sir."
"Ah, very well. Is there old and
young Russia in the house?"
"I believe there is," said Mary, sur
prised at the familiar manner in which
he spoke of her mother and sister, both
of whom were present.
" What is the price of old Russia per
pound?"
"1 believe, -ir, that old Rushia is not
for sale," replied Mary, indignantly.
"Well, what do you ask for young
Russia?" pursued the hatter.
"Sir!" -aid Rushia the younger spring
ing to her feet, "do you come here to in
sult defenceless females? If you do we
will soon call our brother, who is in the i
garden, and he will punish you as you \
deserve."
"Ladies!" exclaimed the hatter, in ]
astonishment, "what on eartli have I i
done to offend you? I came here to buy \
some Russia. I was told you had old
and young Russia in the house, in
deed, this young lady just stated such
to tat the fact, hut she says the old Rus
sia is not for sale. Now if lean buy
the young Russia, I want to do so; but
if it can't.be done, please say so, and I
will trouble you no further."
"Mother, open the door, and let the
gentleman pass out; he is undoubtedly j
crazy," said Miss Mary.
"By thunder! I believe I shall be, if
1 remain here long," exclaimed the
hatter, considerably excited. "I won
der if folks never do business in these
parts, that you think a man is crazy if
he attempts -uch a thing?"
"Business, poor man!" said Mary
soothingly, approching the door.
"I am not a poor man, madam," re
plied the hatter. "My name is Walter
Dibble. I carry on hating extensively
in Dan bury. 1 came to Grassy Plains
to buy fur, and I have purchased some
"beaver" and 'coney,' and now it seems
I am to he called "crazy" and a "poor
man," because I want to buy a little
"Russia" to make up an assortment."
The ladies began to open their eyes a
little. They saw that Mr. Dibble was
quite in earnest, and his explanation
threw considerable lighten the subject.
"Who sent you here?" asked sister
Mary.
"The clerk at the store opposite."
"He is a wicked young fellow for
making this trouble,"said the old lady.
"He has lieen doing this for a joke,"
she continued.
"A joke!" exclaimed Dibble, in sur
prise. "Have you got any Russia,
then?"
"My name is Jerusha, and so is my
daughter's," said Mrs. Wheeler, "and
that, I suppose, is what he meant by
telling you about old and young Ru
shia."
Mr. Dibble bolted through the door
without a wortl of explanation, and
made directly for our store.
"You young scamp!" said he, as he
entered, "what do you mean by send
ing me over there to buy Russia?"
"I did not send you over there to buy
Russia. I supposed you were either a
bachelor or a widower, and wanted to
marry Rushia," I repeated with a seri
ous countenance.
"You lie,you dog,and you knowit,"
replied he.' But never mind, I'll pay
you off for this, some day."
BEDFORD. MORNING, JANUARY 19. 1866.
POK'S KAVEX IN NEW FEATIIKU*.
In October, wet and dreary, sat this
writer, weak and weary, pondering o'er
! a memorandum hook of items used be
fore—book of scrawling head notes
j rather—items, taking days to gather
them, slowly rocking, (through our
' mind queer ideas flocking,) came a
j quick and nervous knocking—knock
ing at the sanctum door.—"Hure that
must Ist Jinks," we muttered, "Jinks
that's knocking a' our door—Jinks the
everlasting bore."
Ah, full well do we remind us, the
walls which then confined us, the "ex
changes" lay behind us. and before us,
and around us, scattered o'er the sanc
tum floor. Think? we, "Jinkshascome
to borrow some mwspttpprs till to-mor
row, and 'twill be relief front sorrow to
get rid of Jinks, the bore, by opening
the door." rttill the visitor keptknock
ing—knocking louder than before.
And the scattered |dles of papers cut
some rather curious capers, being lifted
by tho'breezes coming through another
door; and we wished (the wish was
civil for one deemed always civil) that
Jinks was at the devil, to stay there
evermore, and there to find his final
level—Jinks, the nerve unstringing
bore!
Bracing up our jatience firmer,
though, without another murmur, "Mr.
Jinks, your pardon, four forgiveness
we implore. But the fact is, we were
reading of some curious proceedings,
and thus was unheeding your loud
knocking there before " Here we
opened wide the door. But pliancy our
pheelinks—for it was not Jinks, the
bore, —Jinks, the nameless evermore!
But the form that stood before us
caused a trembling to come o'er us, and
our truant memory bore us hack again
to days of yOre —days when "items"
were in plenty, and where'er this wri
ter went he picked up interest ing items
by the score. "Twas the form of our
office "devil," in attitude uncivil; and
he thrust his head within the open
door, with, "The foreman's out o' copy
sir, and says he wants some more!" Y es,
like Alexander, wanted more!"
"Now, this "local" hud already wal
ked about till near dead—he had saun
tered through the city 1.11 his feet were
very sore—walked through the street
called Dauphin anil the byways run
ning otf into portions of the city both
public and obscure; lad examined
store and cellar, and had questioned ev
ery "feller" whom he met fromdoorto
door, if anything was stirrifi^:—any ac
cidents not published horvt<d<>r< and
met with no success; he felt a little
wicked at that ugly little bore, with his
message from the foreman that he
wanted something "more."
"Now, it's time you were departing,
you young.scamp !" cried we, upstart
ing; get you back into the office—office
where you were before—or the words
which you have spoken will get your
bones all broken!' (and seized a cudgel,
oaken, that was lying on the floor.)
"Take your hands out of your pockets,
and leave the sanctum door; tell the
foreman there is no copy, you ugly lit
tle bore." Quoth the devil, "send him
more."
And our devil, never sitting, still is
flitting back and forth upon the landing
just outside our sanctum door. Tears
adown his cheeks are streaming—
strange light from his eyes is beaming—
and his voice is heard, still screaming,
"Sir, the foreman wants some more!"
And oursoul, pierced with thatseream
ing, i- awakened from its dreaming;
anil has lost its peaceful seeming that it
used to have before, for the fancy which
comes o'er us, that each reader's face
before us, bears the horrid chorus—"we
want a little more!" Words on their
foreheadsglaring, "your funny column
needs a little more!"
CHINAMEN AND THEIR WAYS.—A
California letter has the following:
Queer chaps these Chinamen are, and ,
queer customs they have. In one cor-1
ner of the room sits my Chinese boy,!
reading a book upside down, and after:
the manner of his country, grinning j
like a chimpanzee over hieroglyphics]
that look like hunches of black radish
es. He understands it all, though, and ]
probably finds that style of literature j
vetv funny. L attended the Chinese j
dinner which was given to Colfax, ate j
with cliop-stieks, swallowed a little of]
each of the hundred and eighty-nine,
courses that constituted the repast.—
We sat down at six -harp, and got:
through at one prompt. Yes, I ate
boiled bambo, and stewed whalebone
—which perhaps may lie styled thei
spring vegetables of the Chinese —j
sharks' tins, birds' nests, and other del- j
icacies too recuperative to mention. By J
way of dessert they have pickled eu- j
cumber and melon seeds, and all man-,
ner of sweet things. Taken as a whole, ]
however, 1 don't think 1 should like a
steady course of Chinese diet, though j
the tea which they gave us was of a
most wonderful flavor. It was served!
up without sugar or cream, and cost
SSO a pound, which is perhaps the rea
son why they did not ask u- to take a
second cup. You would have been a
mused could you have seen each guest
making frantic attempts to get some
thing into his mouth with the chop
sticks. Try to eat with k flitting need
les, and you will have some idea of the
difficulty of the feat. If 1 were a !>oard
inghouse-keeper I think I'd ring them
in upon my boarders to use instead of
knives and forks. A little hash would
fo a wonderful great way with them,
flanked the difficulty by taking hold
of anything with them by sharpening i
mine off at the end and har[Hxining the
A SKETCH.— The depopulating pes
tilence that walketh at m Kmday, the
carnage of cruel and devaA ating war,
can scarcely exhibit their vk'tims in a
more terrible array, than extermina
ting drunkenness. I have seen a prom
ising family spring from a p.irent
trunk, and stretching abroad its popu
lous limb like a flowering tree cover ed
with it green and healthy foliage.
have seen the unnatural decay begin
ning upon tiie yet tender leaf and
knavving like a worm in an unopened
bud, while they dropped off, one by
one, and the scathed and ruined shaft
stood alone, until the winds and rains
of many a sorrow laid that too in the 1
dust. <>n one of those holy days when
tiie patriarch, rich in virtue as in years,
gathered about him the great and the
little ones of the flock—his sons with
their sons and his daughters with their
daughters—l, too, sat at the festive
board, i, too, pledged them in the
social wine-cup, and rejoiced with them
round the board; and expatiated with
delight upon the eventful future; while
the good old man warmed in the geaiul
glow of youthful enthusiasm, wiped !
the tear of joy from his glistening eye.
He was happy. 1 met with them again
when the rolling year brought the fes- !
tive season round. But they were not
all there. The kind old man sighed as '
his suffused eye dwelt upon the then
unoccupied scat. But joy yet came to
his relief and he was happy. A pa
rent's Joveltnows no diminution—time,
distance, poverty, shame, but gives in- !
tensity and strengh to that passion be-!
fore which all others dissolve and melt i
away. Another elapsed. The board
was spread but the guests came not.—
The old man cried, "Where are my
children?" And echo answered trltere!
Hi- heart broke—for they were not.
Could not Heaven have spared his gray
hairs this afllietion ? Alas! the demon
of drunkenness had been there. They
had fallen victims of his spell. And
one short month sufficed to east the veil
of oblivion over the old man's sorrow
and the young one's shame. They are
all dead.'
A CHINESE TRIAL.—I heard to-day
a curious case that lately came to the
knowledge of Mr. Milne, as having oc
curred in Peking. A man caught liis
wife andaparamour together unawares,
and killed them both. He then took
their heads to the district magistrate,
and denounced himself as their murder
er, stating the circumstance- under
which he hail been led to perpetrate
the deed. A singular hydrostatic test
was then adopted, with the view of en
abling the magistrate to decide as to
whether the man spoke the truth, and
was, therefore, justified in what he had
done. The heads were placed in a tub
of water, and both made to spin round
at the same moment, the decision de
pending on the manner in which they
were placed when they became still.
They stopped face to face, and this was
considered satisfactory proof that the
man was right. Had the heads ceased
spinning round with the faces averted,
the case would have been given against
him, and his own life forfeited. Lynch
law. consequently, in such cases, is rath
er a hazardous experiment for injured
husbands to try.— Peking tmd Iht Pek
ingese. Jig I). F. lletutie , .if. />.
GOOD SOCIETY. —It should be the
aim of young men to go into good so
ciety. We do not mean the rich, the
proud, the fashionable, but the society
of the wise, the intelligent, and the
good. Where you find men that know
more than you do, anil front whose con
versation one can gain useful informa
tion, it is always safe to be found. It
lias broken down many a man by asso
ciatingwith the low and vulgar—where
ribaldry was inculcated, and the inde
cent story, to excite laughter and influ
ence the bad passions. Lord ( larendon
has attributed his success and happi
ness in life to associating with person
more learned ami virtuous than him
self. If you wish to he respected, if
you desire happiness and not misery,
we advise you to associate with the in
telligent and good. Strive for mental
excellence and strict integrity, and you
will never he found in the sinks of pnl
lution, and on the benches of retailers
and gambler-. Once habituate your
self to a virtuous course—a love of good
society—and no punishment would he
greater than by accident to he obliged
for half a day to associate with rise low
and vuigar.
TELEGRAPHIC FREAK. —Of all the!
freaks of the telegraph, the following
is the most laughable which has come
under our personal knowledge:—Not
long since a graduate from one of our
eastern theological schools was called
to the pastoral charge of a church in
the extreme southwest. When about
to start for his new parish, he was un
expectedly detained by the incapacity
of his presbytery to ordain him. In
order to explain his non-arrival at the
appointed time, he sent the following
telegram to the deacons of the church,
"Presbytery lacked a quorum to or
dain." In the course of its journey the
message got strangely metamorphosed,
and reached the astonished deacons in
this shape, "Presbytery tacked a worm
on to Adam." The sober church offi
cers were sorely discomposed and mys
tified, but after grave consultation con
cluded it was the minister's facetious
way of announcing that he had got mar
ried, and accordingly proceeded to
provide lodgings for two instead of one.
The internal revenue receipts since
VOL 61.-WHOLE No. 5.331.
JOSH BILLINGS OX WATERFALLS.
1 rather like waterfalls.
I kant tell why enuy more than I
kan tell why I love kastor ile—but kas
tor ile is good for a laz.vnesg ov no sort
i —not even in musketeers.
1 want my musketeers lively.
But irul this is foreign to mi purpose.
I like waterfalls—they are so eazy
and natural.
, They attack all the sex.
Some they attack with great fury,
Wi'iile other they approach more like a
seig e, working up slowly.
1 saw one yesterday.
It wa.ntno bigger than a small French
tarnip.
It had Attacked a small woman ov
only nine su mmer's duration.
She was fuL' of recreation, and when
she bounded along the sidewalk *it wuz
on the west side of St. Clair street, in
' the city of Cincin'nity, forneust Baker
iV Davis' yellow soap eiore,) the water
fall highsted up and down in an oscil
lating manner, resembling much the
sportive terminus of a i H>b tailed lamb
in a great hurry.
The effect was pujvly electrfck.
I also saw another one prctt. v soon,
which belonged tew a mature mu'tron.
She might have saw To summers, her
hair white as flour Perkins "A," wor th
lo dollars a barrel, delivered); but the'
waterfall was black. I
I asked a bystander how he could ac
count for that.
He said "it was younger,"
I also saw another one pretty soon,
which was the property of a gusher.
She was'about H> years old, and was
az ripe az a 2 year peach.
She swept the streets like a thing of
life.
Men stopped to gaze az -he passed,
and put in a new chew of tobacco.
Little boys pocketed their marbles in
silence.
Her waterfall was about the size of a
corn-basket turned inside out.
It way. inklosed in a common skap
net, and kivered with blazing diamonds
of glass.
It shone in the frisky sun like the tin
dome on the Court House, whare the
supervizors meek
But I rather like waterfalls,
it has been sed that they would run
out, but this, I think, iz a error, for
they don't show no leak vet.
In the language of the expiring Can
adian on our northern frontier, I say—
"Vive la Bag-a-tale."
"Hi I.J AKP"—III reh. on Union prin
ciples)—writes from his home in (Geor
gia to the Metropolitan Record:
"For two momentus and inspirin
weeks the Legislature have been in sol
emn session one of whom lam proud
to be which. For several days we were
engaged as skouts, makin a sorter re
konysance to see whether Georgy were
a State or a Injun terrvtory—whether
we were in the old Un-ion or out of it—
whether me and my fokesand you and
your fokes were somebody or nobody,
and lastly, but by no means leastly,
whether our poor innocent children,
born durin the war, were all illegal and
had to be born overagain or not. This
last pint are much unsettled, but our
women are advised* to IK- kalm and sc
reen.
•'My friends, our aim has honestly
been to git you aii back into the folds
of thegloryous old Un-ion. Like the
prodygal son, we had nuthin to live
on, and feelin lonesome and hungry,
have been bow in and scrapin and mak
in apologys for five or six months. We
have been seen standiu afuroli for weeks
and weeks, but durn the cafdo they
kill for us. They know we've got noth
in, for they eat up our substance, and
asforputtin rings on our lingers, we
eouldent expekt it until they bring me
back the jew elry they carried away. I
cannot say, in the langwidgeof the poet,
that our labor has been a labor of love,
for we've had monstrous poor encour
agement to lie shore: but we had all
setourheads toward the stars and stripes,
and we jintly determined that, come
wool come wo, sink or swim, survive
or perish, thunder or iitenin ; we'd slip
back, or sneak back, or git back some
how or somehow else, or we'd stay out
forever and everamen and behangd to
cm, so called, 1 golly."
A NEW ROV NT KIN - KIT on the fifty
dollarcompound interest note i- well
executed, and very liable to deceive.
Thfe general engraving in (lie counter
feit is coarser than in the genuine: the
word "fifty" in the lower right and left
hand corners approaches near the lnist
and die; in the counterfeit there is quite
an open space. Tiieshadowof the con
stitution in the vignetteof the genuine
is quite light; in the counterfeit it is
darker and theengravingcoarser. The
X in the "six percent." of the genuine
is crossed; in the counterfeit it is not.
All that have thus far appeared are da
ted July M, 18<>4.
A CHICAGO bootblack accosted a re
turned soldier with the usual saluta
tion—"black your boots, sir? make'em
shine!" Looking at his unpolished
gunboats" in a contemplative way,'tne
war-worn veteran replied: "Well, I
don't care if you do —fall in promptly,
though." The urchin gazed a moment
at the soldier , surveying him from his
"leathers" upwards, and then, turning
to a comrade near by, shouted out: "I
say, Bill, lend me a hand, won't yor?
I've got an army contract."
The New York Times objects to the
new gold coin motto—"ln God we
trust," because, it will be carrying our
reli,ion in our pockets. Little fear of
DOMESTIC.
To STOP COUGHING.— SIight irrita
tion of the throat may be relieved by
sipping a little thick slippery elm tea,
or by sucking a piece of gum arabic. —
These articles coat over the mucous
membrane, and prevent the irritation
of thf* air. A few drops of paregoric
held in the rnouth, and allowed to trick
le down the throat, will allay coughing.
The best cough medicine for children,
one which we have used for several
years with entire satisfaction, is the
following: Mix in a vial equal parts
of paregoric, castor oil and ipecac. Al
ways skake well before using. A few
drops of this swallowed, but not washed
down by water or other fluid, will al
ways soothe a cough. Repeat the dose
as often as the coughing returns. From
one-fourth to one-half a teaspoonful, or
even a whole teaspoortful may be given
when a less quantity wm pot suffice. A
large (lose after a full meal may pro
duce a little na.-Pau. Children subject
to coughs shoulffeat very light supper*
and indeed all children should eat much
less, and simpler food, at night than at
morning or noon. The above mixture
may be kept on hand ready prepared,
as it doe- not deteriorate if kept corked.
It may interest those afraid of mineral
medicines (though they partake freely
of common salt which is mineral) to
know that the ingredients are all '-veg
etable."
CHAPPED HANDS. — They may in a
great measure be prevented by using
very little soap, if any, keeping it on
as briefly as possible, washing it otf clean
and then finishing the washing with
water to which a little vinegar is ad
ded—a teaspoonful to a pint of clear
water will answer. This neutralizes
any alkali of the soap left on the skin,
.and gives it a soft feel, while it stops
tire destruction of the cuticle, and saves
chapping. The diluted vinegar is also
good as a final washing after shaving
the fate, as it both saves the skin and
prevents the alkali from bleaching the
whiskers. A littletallow, oreven lard,
thinly applied at night, or when going
out into the ecld air, to the hands and
face, if ehappin.g. and well rubbed off
if necessary, goes lar toward prevent
ing further chapping, and promotes the
healing of all cracks already formed.
lircKWMKATCAKts. A lady of cul
ture, refinement, uud uuusual powers
of observation and comparison, became
a widow. Reduced from affluence to
poverty, with a large family* ol .■-mall
children dependent upon her labor for
daily food, she made a variety of exper
iments to ascertain what articles could
be purchased for the least money, and
would at the same time "go the far
thest," by keeping her children long-*
est from crying for something to eat.
She soon discovered that when they eat
buckwheat cakes and molasses, they
were quiet for a longer time than after
eating any other kind of food.
A distinguished Judge of the United
States court observed that when he
took buckwheat cakes for breakfast, he
could sit on the bench the whole day
without being uncomfortably hungry;
if the cakes were omitted, he felt obli
ged to take a lunch about noon. Buck
wheat cakes are a universal favorite at
the winter breakfast table, and scien
tific investigation and analysis has
shown that they abound in the heat
forming principles; hence nature takes
away our appetites for them in sum
mer.
SELECTING MILCH Cows.—A cor
respondent of theN. Y. Farmer's Club
says that Col. Woodman, in the State
of Maine, for about forty years haskept
a dairy, and generally reared his owu
cows. He has always found, in his ex
perience, that if a heifer's first calf was
a male she never proved to be much of
a milker—indeed, that she, iu subse
quent years, never gave more milk
than on her first calving, but if her first
product was a heifer she was sure to
represent all the milking qualities of a
valuable mother. He did not know
how this might be in others'experience,
but in forty years of his own he had
known of 110 exception to the rule a
-1 ve indicated. Coming from a man
so trustworthy in every respect as I
know him to be, 1 thought I should
like to submit it for the consideration
of ether farmers and stock breeders.
Piurx i x<; ( i HAPE Vix ES.— The books
generally advise winter pruning in the
month of February. The objections to
that season are that the work is liable
to run into March, which docs not al
low time for the cut to become dry e
nough to check the liow of sap a little
later; the weather is apt to be cold,
rendering it uncomfortable; besides,
the wood is frozen much of the time,
in which it ought not to be disturbed.
There is sufficient leisure now, a> the
vines are pliable and can he handled at
w ill, while the mild weather will dry
and harden the cuts, so that there will
he nn danger of bleeding inspriug. A
pair of pruning shears will be found to
he very convenient in making cuts—iu
fact, they are almost indispensable to
the horticulturist in trimming his
shrubbery, roses, honeysuckles, black
berries, etc., in addition to the grape
vines.
THK BORER.—"We are determined
(says the Matm Farmer,) to persecute
the borers till they shall seek other
quarters than our orchards. We are
trying a novel experiment. We box
up the tree a foot from the ground and
fill it with shavings or saw dust. If
they attack the tree, it must be above
the box, where they can readily be
seen. It is easily done, and we see no
reason why it will not boa preven
tive.
BOA RDING-HOUSE RECOMM ENDA
TIONS.—A boarder at one of our city
boarding-houses, on being asked how
they live there, replied that the hash
was rather doubtful, but the beef was
"bully." This dubious indorsement