The Bedford gazette. (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, June 16, 1865, Image 1

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    THE BEDFORD GAZETTE
Jg PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY MORAINO
BY B. F. MEYERS,
At the to wit i
$2 00 per annum, if paid strictly in advance.
$2.50 if paid within 6 months; $3.00 if not paid
within 0 months.
subscription taken for less than six months
t£7*No paper discontinued until all arrearages are
r ,aid, unless at the option of the publisher. It has
been decided by the United States Courts that the
stoppage of a newspaper without the payment of
arrearages, is prima facie evidence of fraud and is
a criminal orience.
C"7"The courts nave decided that persona are ae
countable for the subscription price of newspapers,
if they take them from the post office, whether they
subscribe for them, or not.
Select all rn .
A LESSON OF THE WART
[■Captain Stone, of a -Massachusetts company, be
.iDg wounded in an engagement, lay for three days
upon the battle Cnld, and was saved from starvation
only by a wounded rebel, who shared his rations
with him.j
Fiercely raged the tide of battle,
Fiercely rang the wild hurrah,
Strains of martial music blending
With the ciaiion sound of war.
On the blood red fie*d of conquest
Lay the hero spirit brave,
While a comrade's ebbing life blood
O'er him poured its crimson wave.
Bay bail passed, and nig h t bad faded,
Morning's sunlight dawneu again,
Still amid the dead ana dying
Lay the hero in bis pain.
Ob, tbat long, long night ot anguish!
Ah, what careless lips shall tell!
Many a bleeding form around bun
Gave to earth a last tarewelil
Say what dreams of loved ones
On New* England's rocky shore,
Mingled with the wilder fancies
Of the cannon's fearful roar.
Who shall say what mother's kisses
On Ins brow in fancy fell?
Who shall speak the tender yearnings
Lingering round some old farewell?
Morning broke in glowing splendor
O'er that field of carnage red,
Fiercely poured the sunlight glory
O'er the piles of mangled dead.
Fiercer grew the feverish burnings,
breathing low he lieth still,
battling with the fiend starvation,
Father, shall it be Thy will ?
Paie and wan with fearful anguish,
Breathing forth one earnest prayer,
Drinking in the golden glory,
Hovering over earth and air.
Drinking in the low toned whispers
Of his dear one's last farewell;
Wildering fancies thronging o'er him,
T hougbts no human tongue can tell!
Hark! a sweet-toned voice of succor,
bee ! a hand extends him food.
Comrade! brotner! blissful music—
Brother ! though of Southern blood!
Hand clasps hand with gectie pressure
Saved, oh Father! by Thy will!
Yet a nation vainly yearneth
For Thy blessed '-Peace ije still."
Dying heroes, weeping mother,
Breaking hearts, oh God ! how long
F.re Thy voice shall calm the tempest,
Ar.d the right replace the wrong !
God of mercy—light eternal—
From the gracious Throne above,
Smile upon our severed nation—
Fold the North and South in lore.
JERSEY BLUE.
PRODUCE OF AN ACRE.
The following product of a single acre of
ground, the truth of which is vouched for, will
give an idea of the capacity of land in the hands
of one who thoroughly understands how to bring
it forth. The acre here referred to is situated
on I.ong Inland, where the soil is bv no means
naturally affluent:
"On one acre, within sight of Trinity Church
steeple, New York, but in Jersey, lives a man
I will call' John Smith.* John's neat cottage
and acre cost him. eight years ago. $3,000,
now worth SG,OOO. In the spring of 186 Ihe
planted 12,000 Early Wakefield cabbage plan is
which by the first week in July, were solu in
New York market at $8 per 100, for £9OO.
Between the rows of cabbages were planted, at
the same time, 18,000 Silesia lettuce plants,
which at $1 00 per 100 brought $l7O. Both
crops were cltared otf by Juiy 12, the ground
being thoroughly plowed, harrowed and plant
ed 40,6l)0 celery plants, which were sold before.
Christmas of the same year at $0 per ICO, for
sl,2 r >o, m king the total receipts $2,430.
"His expenses were : Manure, $l6O ; keep
of horse, $300; interest on $6,000, ? 120; hired
labor, $400; incidental outlay, $100; amoun
ting in all to $1,370, which deducted from the
receipts gave him the net profit of 1,050. John
some might call a clod-hopper. lie has no par
ticular skill, no great share of 'brains,' his only
prominent quality being untiring industry; but
it would be diificult for any one, no matter how
endowed with skill or brums, to make uiore of
an acre than he did."
GENERAL JACKSON'S MOTTO.
"Think before you act, but when the time
for action comes, stop thinking." This is the
true doctrine. Many men fail in life and go
down to the grave with hopes blasted and pros
pects of happiness unrealized, because they did
not adopt and act upon this motto. Nothing
>o prepares a man for action r.3 thought: but
nothing so unfits a man for action in the course
of action, lieitcr by far adopt some course and
pursue it energetically, even though it m?y be
not the best, than to keep continually thinking
without action. "Go ahead'' ought to be print
ed in every young man's hat, and read until it
becomes a part of his nature, until he can act
upon his judgment, and not be turned from his
course by every wind of interested advice. In
conclusion we would say: "Think before you
act; but when the time for action comes, stop
thinking."
CSTA jockey furnishes some bints as bow to
sell your horse : "I tell you it's all by compan
ion—have the critter for sale long side of a
scrub—ain't one in fifty but what'll get fooled.
Thay look first at the scrub and then at the oth
er; and they think its a'traordinary critter.
That's the way I carae it on Jenkine, the livery
man, with that gray colt"
VOLIME 60. Freedom of Thought and Opinion. WHOLE MEMBER, 3114
NEW SERIES.
FOILING A RIVAL.
"The critter loves me ! I know she loves ine!"
said Jonathan Doubikius, as he sat upon the
cor.; field fence, meditating on the course of his
true love, that wes running just as Shakspeare
always 63 id it did —rather roughly. "If Sukey
Peahody fins taken a siiine t< that gawky, long
shanked, stamnierm' shy crifer Gusset, just
'cause he's a city li-Uur, she a t't the g.d 1 took
her for—that's sartin. No ! it-> the old folks—
darn their ugly pioturs. Old Miss Peab idy was
allcrs a dreadful hifaiutin' critter, full of big
notions, and the old man's a regular softhead,
driven about by bi3 wire jest as our old one-eyed
rooster is drove about by onr cantankerous five
toed Dorkin lieu. But if I don't spile his fun
tnv name aint Jonathan. I'ta goin' down to
the eity by the railroad next week, and when
I come back—wake snakes! that's all."
The above soliloquy may serve to give Ihe
reader some slight idea of the '-lay of the land"
in the pleasant rustic village where the speaker
resided
Mr. Jonathan Doubikins was a young farm
er, well to do in the world, and looking out for
a wife and ha 1 Lota paying his addresses to
Miss* Susan Peabody, ot that iik, with a fair
prospect of success, when a city acquaintance
of the Peabodys, one Mr. Cornelias Gusset, who
kept a retail dry goods shop in llai over street,
80-ton, had suddenly made his appearance in
the tield, and had commenced the "cutting out"
game. Dazzled with the prospect of becoming
a gentleman's wife, and pestered with the im
portunities of her aspiring mama, the village
beauty had begun to waver, when her old lover
determined on a last and bold strike to foil his
rival. He went to the city and returned. Of
his business there he had said nothing, not even
to a pumping maiden aunt who kept house for
him. He went not near the Peabody's, but la
bored in his cornfield, patiently awaiting the re
sult of his machinations.
The next day, Mr. Gusct was with the old
folks and their daughter in the best room of the
Peabody mansion, chatting as pleasantly as may
be when the door opened and in rushed a very
dirty and furious Irish woman.
"Isit there ye are, Mister Cornelius!" she
screamed, addressing the astonished Gusset.—
"Come out of that before I fetch ye, ye spalpeen !
Is that what ye promised me afore the praste,
ye hay then nagur? Runnin' away from me and
the children, forsakin* yer lawful wedded wife,
and runnin' after the Yankee gals, ye infidel!"
"Woman, there must be some mistake here,"
stammered Gusset, taken all aback by this
charge.
"Divil a bit of a mistake, ye sarpint. 0,
wirra ! wirra! was it for the likes of ye I sack
ed little Dinnis McCarty, who lovecTthe ground
I throd on, ap.i all bekase ye promised to make
a lady of me, ye dirty thief of the worruld !
Will ye come along to the railroad station, where
I left little Pnrtriek, because he was too sick
wid ihe small pox to come any furder, or will
ye wait till I drag ye?"
"Go —go —along,' gasped Gusset; "go—and
I'll follow you."
lie thought it best to temporize.
"I giv' ye tin mini's," said the virago. "If
ye aim there, its my cuzzin, Mr. Thaddy Mul
sruddcry, will be afther ye, ye thief." And awry
went this "unbidden gii-M."
Mr. Gu.-set was yet engaged in stammering
out a denial ot all knowledge of the virago,
when the parlor door opened agc.la, and a little
black-eyed, hatchet faced woman, in a flashy
silk gown, and a cap with many ribbons perch
ed on the top of her head, invaded the sanctity
of the parlor.
"Is he here ?" she cried, in a decided French
accent. Then she added with a scream. Ah !
i.ion Dieuf la voiUt. Z.we he is IYaitre, mon
star'! Vat for you run away from mc ? dis two
tree years I n: 1 voire see you, navaire, and my
heart broke ver bad entirely."
"Who are yon ? cried Gusset, his eyes start
ing out of his head, and shivering from head to
foot.
"He asks who I an. O, ladies! O, you ver
respectable old gest'oho-nme! hear vat he
ask? Who I am, perfide / oh! I'm your vifel"
"I never s,iw you 'fore —s' help mc Bob!"
cried Gusset, energetically
"Don'tyou swear!" said Deacon Peabody. "Et
you ilc, I'll kick you into fits. by golly ! I won't
I'ov no profane cr vulgar language in ray house."
'O, bless you ! bless you ! respectable old nan.
Tell birr, he must come viz me. Te I h m I have
spoke to ze constable. Tell him—sobs inter
rupted her utterance,
"It's a pesky bad business 1" said the dea
con, chafing with unwonted ire. "Gusset,
your'e a rascal."
"Take care, Deacon Pea body, take care," said
the unfortunate shopkeeper.
•I remarked you was a rascal, Gusset. ouv'e
gone and married two wives, and that ore's flat
burglary, of I know eny thing 'beoat the Revised
Statoots."
"Two wives!" shrieked the French woman
"Half dozen, for aught I know to the con
trary 1" said the deacon. "Now you clear out
of my house, go w3y to the station, and clear
out into Boston. I won't hev nothing more to
do with you."
"But Deacon hear mo."
"I don't want to hear ye, ye serpintl" cried
the deacon,stopping his ears with his hand®. —
"Marryin two wives, and comin' courtin' a third.
G. iong! Clear out!
Even Mrs. Peabody, who was inclined to put
in a word for the culprit, was silenced. Susan
turned from him in horror, and in utter despair
he fled to the railway station, hotly pursued by
the clamorous and indignant French woman.
* That same afternoon, as Miss Susan peabody
was walking toward the village, she was over
taken by Mr. Jonathan Doubikins, dressed in
his best, and driving his fast going horse before
his Sunday-go-to-meeting chaise. He reined up
and accosted her.
"Hallo, Suke ! Get in and take a ride?
"Don't keer if I do, Jonathan." replied the
young lady, accepting the proffered seat
BEDFORD, FA., FRIDAY MORNING, JUNE 16, 1865. *
"I say—you," said Jonathan, grinning,
"that ere city fellur's tamed out a pooty pup,
HINT he?"
"It's drcadfui, if it's true!" replied the young
lady.
"Ifou had a narrer escape, didn't ye?" pur
sued the old lover. "liut lie warn't never of no
account, any how. What do the old folks think
about it ?"
"They hain't said a word since be cleared
out-"'
"Forgot that night 1 rode you home from
singing school?" asked Jonathan, suddenly
branching off.
"No I h-Jnt." replied the young lady, blush
ing and smiling at the same time.
"Remember them apples I gin you?"
"O, yes."
"Well they was good—wasn't they
"First rate, Jonathan."
"Got a hull orchard of them kinder fruit,
Suke," said Jonathan, suggestively.
Susan was silent.
"Go long!" exclaimed Jonathan, putting the
"braid" on the black horse. "Have you any
idea where wer'e going, Suke?"
going tc the village."
"No, vou aint. jour'e goin' along er me."
"Where to?"
"I'roGdcnce. And y'ou dont come back till
you're Mrs. Doubikius, no how you can fix it."
"How you talk, Jonathan. What will the
old folks say
"Darn the old folks! cried Jonathan, put
ting on the string again. "Ef I was to leave
you with them much longer, they'd he tradin'
you off to some city feller with half a dozen
wives already."
The next day, as Mr. and H'lrs. Doubikins
were returning home in their chaise, Jonathan
sai l, confidentially :
"May as w ell tell you now, Suke, for I haint
no secrets front you, that Gusset never seen
them women afore the day they came stompin'
into your house and blowed him up. I had,
though. Cost me ten dollars, by thunder ! I
teaehed 'em what to say, and I rather guess
they done it well, Old Gusset may he a sharp
shopkeeper, but ef he expects to get ahead of
Jonathan Doubikius, he must get up a plaguy
sight airlier o' morning
Mobbing A Woman in lowa.
For a iiew days, Indianola has been the
scene of Amazonian warfare. A disgraceful
mob, composed of women, has given the town
a. notoriety which its well-disposed and orderly
citizens must tx? fce&rttiy asuuuiou or. x* up
pears that a Mrs. Patterson, a widow lady,
who has been under the doctor's care for two
weeks, was peculiarly offensive to the exclusive
ly loyal female portion of that town, for some
expressions of hostility to the Administration
prior to 'lie unfortunate death of Mr. Linden.
On the receipt of the news of his dibolical
assassination, son? evil disposed pc-ison, prob
ably a personal enemy, gave currency to tiie
report that this unprotected and invalid wo
man fohd expressed joy at the death of the
President. giving the subject the
least investigation and bidding defiance to the
laws, a number of women among tbem the
wife of the Presiding Elder of the Methodist
Church, visited tie house of Mrs. Patterson,
and compelled her, an invalid, to leave her
house, and carry an emblem of mourning, which
we understand, was a flag, and march around
the town.
She protested that she had not uttered a
word of exultation at the death of the Presi
dent. and implored to confront her with the
witness; but Lcr protestations were answered
by the insuiiiug reply that she was lying. She
assured thera that she was unable to walk the
distance required, ami if forced to perform the
humiliating service they must entry her. Her
protestation 0 ot innocence, her demand for the
proof; her widowhood, and even the precarious
condition of her health, had no power to move
their pity. Go she must, and they forced her
out of the house, and dragged her around the
streets to be scoffed and jeered at, tearing her
dress nearly off. Not content with inflicting
these gross indignities upon the sick mother
they attempted to compel her little daughter,
thirteen years of age, to pe rfonn the same ser
vice, and because she had spirit enough to re
sist the outrage she was beaten and bruised
until blond streamed from her nose and her
arms were Mack and blue. The above, we are
credibly inform "d. arc facts.
What lower depth of degradation can we
roach, than the existence and encouragement of
a public sentiment which transforms fefaales,
in the midst of schools and churches, and sur
rounded by wiiat ought to be Christian influ
ences, into the worst type of men. In God's
name, what kind of an example is this to set
before the youth of the country? Do these
women desire that their sons and daughters
should pattern after them, and trample under
foot the laws cf society, humanity and God?
Such an exhibition of heartlessne&s and con
tempt for law, 1) urnanky and Christianity—
disgraceful alike to the town and the parties
engaged in it —we velure to say has not occur
red since the mobs of Paris which originated
the bloody and disgraceful French Revolution
of 1708. . Have our people gone stark mad,
and are the mother.-) and daughters of America
to live in history as the most degenerate type
of their class *
As profoundly as we pity the poor invalid
mother who was scourged in the public streets
of Indianola, and who was pained by the out
reges visited upon her little daughter, we would
rather a thousand times occupy her position
and have hcrfealings than enjoy the unenviable
notoriety and torture of the soul of those who
persecuto her.
Since writing the above, we understand that
Mrs.Patterson went to the postmaster of Indi
anola, who was reported as the witness against
her. and demanded the reason for reporting
such a falshooti, and he denied utterly ever
having heard or reported any such thing.
I NEGRO SUFFRAGE AS A POLITICAL ISSUE.
There i 3 a pronounced tendency toward the
rc-orgaui/ation of parties on this issue. The
negropbilism which has so long been in the as-
1 eendant has steadily gained strength during the
war, and is still a sentiment of so much depth,
i vigor, and diffusion as to constitute a political
, force of great momentum, if there were any
practical measure to which it could he directed.
I The most powerful motives of personal ambition
i are enlisted on the side of its conservation as a
p'.'ideal force. Whenever the negro -question
is' nken out of politics many distinguished pol
iticians will pass into obscurity. Accordingly
although slavery is abolished, and its abolition
universally acquiesced in, a strenuous attempt is
. making to nurse the pro-African sympathy into
larger political life.
Chief-Justice CIIASE, CIIARI.ES SITMNKK, HOR
; ACE GKKEJCEY, and men like these, who would
j belong to a past generation if the question to
| which they owe their reputations were taken out
of politics, are declaring themselves in favor of
ne<rro suffrage, and hatching a party which
| w'!! soon burst the shell in full-fledged opposi
tion to the administration of President JOHNSON.
j Mr. SEWARD'S relation to this opposition |>:irty
i will bo likely to depend upon his continuance
in office. By Lis antecedents he is the foremost
leader of the sentiment on which trio opposition
seeks to stand ; but the negro party does not
ore-lit him with much sincerity. !Slr. CHASE,
, its present leader, i> his personal rival; and
1 considering tiro disappointment Mr. SEWARD has
twice encountered when his prospects were
, deemed flattering, he has doubtless learned that
political!?- one bird in the hand is worth two
j in the iiush.
ff President Johnson Were a mere politician,
and not, as we suppose him, a man of integrity
i and principle, he could easily circumvent this
new party by adroitly mounting their hobby.
Had he proclaimed himself in favor of negro
| suffrage as a basis of reconstruction, the partic
ular opposition which is now developing against
! him would have not an inch of ground to stand
upon. But Mr. Johnson acts under a sense of
his official oath. In his North Carolina proc- i
Lunation he has declared himself most nnequiv
i occlly in favor of the constirutional mode of
! disposing of this question. lie has taken his
j ground. Messrs. Chase, Sumner, Phillips, Gree
ly, and their followers, have also taken their
ground; and before the new President has been
two months in office, one of the principal issues I
is presented on which-iue next presidential con-
I It is idle to discuss the skill with whbffi the
new issue has been chosen by the opposition
} leaders. There can be no skill where there is
no 'choice. Men who have been lifted ipto
prominence solely by their championship of the
negro, and must be stranded whenev ortfcis tide
ebbs, do not select their part by wisdom: the}'
have it thrust on them by necessity. If they
are to figure in politic;.* at all, it must be in
connection with this Their advn- ■
tage consists in the strength of the sentiment j
' which twenty years of passionate controversy
developed, and the war fanned into a opnsjum
. ing blaze. Their drawbacks, however, are
very considerable.
The foremost of tbe j e drawbacks is in the
; Constitution. If there is any one thing in the
Constitution not open to doubt, it is that the
regulation of the sutlrage belongs to the slates,
i The President lias planted himself firmly -upon
thj principle; he can be dislodged from it only j
by the subversion of the Constitution". | j
Another disadvantage of this political issue '
\z the fact that although nearly all the state ;
governments of the North arc under Ropubli- ;
i can control, a great majority of them d not '
admit the negro to political equality, ft wai
brazen and preposterous assumption which i?t
tempts to force upon others, having equal rights
, a measu; e which you reject yourselves. ;m|
A third stumbling-block to this political is- ;
sue, and one which will increase in the period j
which intervences before tho presidential elcc-,
tion, will be the conduct of the negroes them-1
! selves, which will demonstrate their unfitness;
for the suffrage without some preparatory train-;
inz as freemen. It will be the misfortune of !
the opposition to Ijp advocating negro suffrage j
at the precise period when the negro character
will be exhibiting itself in the worst light—
• when the negro will not have been long enough I
a freeman to have cast off the degrading effects
of slavery. During the ensuing throe years, it j
v.ill be easy to fill newspapers with authentic 1
; accounts of the abuses of freedom by the
1 groes: and although such abuses are the natu*
: ral offspring of slavery, they will have none the
! legs force as arguments against the immediate
extension of suffrage to the blacks.
Still another drawback to this new issue is j
the tact that President Johnson is understood •
to be personally favorable to negro suffrage,j
whenever the states having jurisdiction shall
i see fit. to confer it. The negro Suffrage party j
j will find themselves fighting against a man who ,
agrees with them on the main question and •
| differs only as to means; who believes that the
3ame result at which they aim is sure to coma
through a constitutional channel by the action
of the southern whites. The difference is,
that one method would confer the elective fran
chise on the negroes before they are fit for it; •
the other toftcn they are fit for it.
If the President should be a candidate for j
re-election, and MuChase run against him, :
Johnson is morallyowtain, on such an. issue,
of the solid vote of the reconstructed states,
with at least an equal chance in every other
state out of New England.
paper is in circulation for signature a-!
mong the business circulars of New York, all j
the subscribers to which agree to give at least
one disabled, honorably discharged soldier or j
sailor employment as general messenger in sorao j
light capacity, r !re the work La 3 heretofore
• been performed by able-bodied men 1
YOL. 8, NO. 46.
THE POLITICO-RELIGIOUS QUESTION
The Negro Vote Against the Catholics.
[From the Observer (Presbyterian).]
"When the. fact stares us in the face, that
the votes of a religious body arc controlled by
its priests, and these votes are so used a3 to give
to that religious body a preponderating influence
in the political affairs of a city, State or coun
try, it is the duty of patriotic citizens" to be on
their guard against such encroachment.
"And the more zealously must that body be
watched, if its principles and practice are known
to bo hostile to civil and religious liberty. Tlo
mamsm u/ul Freedom are enemies always mid ev
erywhere, and eternal vigilance is the price of
liberty. Even Italy is shaking off the domina
tion tljat is now silently but steadily fastening
itself on our backs. It is wise for us to be a
wake to the danger."
The Observer, likewise, gives prominence to a
communication argujug in favor of negro suf
frage, in order to counterbalance the growing
power of the Human Catholics n the North.
The writer says:
"I will not stop to point out the fact that flic
Papal Church has been persistently aiming at
: political power. Tilt man that does not see
and know it u; Mind. The man that does not
recognize the danger with which it menaces our
I institutions, is either ignorant or indiifercnt.
Nor will I take space to show that the imported
, Eomisii vote is l!:? element which gave it pow
i er. Romanism is kept strong by immigration.
This immigration promises to be larger in the
future than even in the past. Already in our
great cities it holds the balance of power, it
; may, whenever there comes a nearly equal di
| vision of great parties, hold it all over the
• country.
; "I have just asserted that the negro vote,
i when it shall become a vote, will be Protestant.
The religious history of the negro race has a
deep meaning. Itcniaiiim hr.~ never been able
to do anything with the negro race. Tk? ef
forts of Rome to establish itself in Africa stand
out as perhaps the most glaring and disastrous
, failure, and that under the very best circumstan
ces for success, that the history of religious
■ ' missions presents. God hag so ordered it that
a like total failure should characterize her <f
i forta in this country. If she made none, it
was because there has been no room for even
| tho attempt. With some inconsiderable excep
j tions in Maryland aud Louisiana—so small tn
number that we need not take them into theac
-1 on.int the whole, uegrp population is I'rotes
j tant, fixed and unalterably Protestant."
A SHOT BACK,
i [From the Freeman's Journal (Roman Catholic.]
The Presbyterians' are very uneasy. They
exhibit enlargement of the pupils of the eyes,
and itching of the nose. They have lieen ma
king whactliey call "deliverances," but they
; ptw sue!? ncliveranccs as the inspired prophet
spoke have brought forth wind only!
I They say "the -man of sin'' troubles them.
Wo know —and so do many of their own peo
ple—tnfit mo.; of sin abound among them. j'The
man ot sin" i's, in their view, the I'opc, or Po
pery ,itself. Ac a dying stasia they try, or.ee
. mere, the old irg-song of abuse o f the Catho
lic Church. Tliey have been "delivering" on
mo matter in their annual assembly. They are
I alarmed at the strides of Popery I
Some "religious" body, lately Presbyterian
cr Methodist, wanted to make a religious mat
ter of insisting on the admission of negroes to
the right to vote! They wanted them, they
said, to counterbalance the Irish and German
Catholics. They claimed the negroes as Pro
j testams. But President Johnson, who hasHved
i a'd his life in slave States, told a set cf negro
preachers that the negroes thus claimed as reli
j able Protestants—to the number of "four mil
i lions*v-"live in open and notorious concubin
age Is that what makes them reliable as
| Protestants ?
Tli.-re are, however, two bodies, each claim
ing to be the Presbyterian Church, in these
J States. One claims to be the genuine Jacobs ;
; the other to be the orginal Jacobs. They split
I mid lflAhkod each others' eyes, in a quarrel.
; nearly thirty.years ago on some notions none of
jjttiem knew anything about. The gist of it
I was, that one party held it was in the eternal
decrees of God to damn some men eternally, i
and it was foolish in these to try and save their
soul". The other "Church," we believe, held
.that some people ought to wish to be damned
eternally !
i These "played cut" Presbyterian ministers
3 think they can get up a persecution of Catho
! lies! Poor foois! That, persecution is fast
■ L coming on, in the land, but Presbyterians, or i
j any other sect professing the name of Christ
i ians, will not be as the dust in the balance to-
J ward promoting it! The time is not just ye,t.
We recommend to these feeble folks of Prcs
bytenanism, to put blankets round them, put
their teet to the fire, and to take Ifahnstock'a
! remedy. If it don't do good, it can't do hurt,
■ and they arc in a bad way!
The Question of Eegro Suffrage.
In the procedings cf the New School Pres
byterian Conference, which is now being held
in New York, we find the following:
"THE NEGRO TO OFFSET THE IRISH VOTE.
"The consideration of the memorial was the
; next business in order, and was discussed by
! Dr. Spear, C. H. Thompson, (colored), ltev.
Mr. Johnson, of Pittsburg, and others. The
principal theme of the discussion was negro
suffrage. The last speaker, whose name was
not announced, stated that it became at this
: time, an absolute necessity to give the negro
! the ballot, to counterbalance the Irish vote
j and to keep out of Congress and the Senate,
I men from the South. The time has come,
j when Such influences as Irish and Southern
j politicians sheulf be held in check. The tno
j tion On the adoption bf the memorial was put
! and carried *
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! til"A wife's advice is like the ballast that
j keeps the ship steady.
C3"VVhen a belle is married, does she not re
j ceivc a ring?
; erA brave man—one who isn't afraid to
wear old clothes until he is able to pay for uevr.
£3"As the good man saith, so may we ; but
j as good women saith, so it must be.
CrAR are good lntses ; but where comes
the ill wives frae?
C;rSome fellows deposit all their money instils
the! l " vests in the form of victuals and drink,
j . *
; and call that westing p.
<Tf Every household has its pet names. Mr.
Jones enchants his helpmate by calling her "his
idol." Jones, however, privately spells it
i-d-l-c.
A poor fellow having got his skull frac
! tared, was told by the doctor that his brain was
virible, when he remarked. "Do write to lath
er. for lie always says that I had none-"
fcj-A chap in Saint Joseph knows hows how
;to keep a hotel. lie keeps a lot of pretty
j in his house, ar;<l gets his male boarders iu love,
i and then he says "they don't eat anything.'
62T A lady wished for a seat in a crowded
! hail. A handsome gentleman brought her ft
! chair. "You are a jewel''said she.— "Oh, no,
; I am a jeweler; I have just set the jewel."
C-;r"I say. printer, do you take government
money ? No. What's the reason—nin't it
'? Yes—best in circulation.—Why don't
i you take it, then? * Because we can't got it."
S5?- "Yes, Mi - ?. Miifiin," said a visitor to her
j hostess, "dear little Emma has your features,
' i but 1 think she has her father's hair." "Oh,
now I sec," said little Enima, 'it is because I
I : have papa's hair that he wears a wig."
. ! eg""Tom," said a girl to her sweetheart, -you
; j have been paying your distresser to me long e
.! no ugh. It* is time you made known your con
; tcnlions, so as not to keep me in expense any
j longer."
clergyman recently traveling in the oil
regions, saw a child stumble and fall. He
kindly picked her up, saying "poor little dear,
i are you hurt !' when she cried out: 'I ain't
poor. Dad has struck He.'
63-"See here, Mr., — the chambermaid found
a hair pin in your bed, this morning, and it will
not answer."
' ! "Well," replied the boarder, "I found a hair
. in the batter this morning, but it did not prove
i yen had a woman in it."
| The two men looked at each other for a
j bout ten seconds, when each smiled and went
! his way, no doubt pondering on the peculiarities
lof circumstantial evidence.
63"Three bits a pound is now the price of
honey. We know a party who has "a little
honey" that he wouldn't sell for $-0,000 a
pound. Site weighs 07 pounds and 7 ounces.
—Spectator.
Just so. We knew a man once who owned
'just such a chunk of honey, it weighed about
I 120 pounds, who sold the whole of it for bran
jdy toddy. That's the difference in the ideas of
men.— Appeal.
tS"Two men were conversing about the ill
•htimor of their wives. "Ah," said one, with a
sorrowful expression, "mine is a Tartar."—
"Well," replied the other, "mine is worse than
that; mine is the cream of Tartar."
gg~There is a man out West who claims to
cure disease by laying on hands. Thak is noth
ing marvellous. We have oursatos tv sity3 the
Bangor Whig, when young, been mSrcifoF mor
al obliquities by tho laying on. of the paternal
hand—severely.
| ®3?"A clergyman, catechising the youth of his
; church, pot the first question from the cate
j eiiism to a bright young girl: "What ife your
consolation in life and death'?" Tho girl smi
led, but did not answer. The clergyman in
sisted. "Well, then," said she, "since I must
tell it, it is a young printer."
CSrAn old dutch tavern keeper had his third
wife, and being asked his views of matrimony,
; replied, "Yell, den, you see, de first time, I
i ma; ides for love—dat wash goot; den I mar
ries for beauty—dat wash goot, too; about as
goof as tie first; but dis time I marries for men
ish—and dis is petier as both."
©?• Washington Irving must have been an
aw ful "copperhead" when he got off the follow
, iag on "religion and politics
| "A canning politician is often found skulking
j under the clerical robe, with an outside all re
ligion and au inside all political ranchor. Things
spiritual and things temporal are strangely
jumbled together, like poison and antidotes on
an apothecary's shelf; and instead cf a devout
sertnon the church-going people have a political
pamplet thrust down their throats, labeled with
a pious text from Scripture."
ey-Newspnper subscriptions are infallible
tests of man's honesty. If a man is dishonest,
be will cheat the printer in some way —say
that he has paid when he has not, and sent the
money which was lost by mail, or will take the
paper and not pay for it, on the plea that ha
did not subscribe for it; or movo off, leaving it
to come to the office lie left. Thousands of
professed christains are dishonest, and the
printer's book will tell fearfully on the final
' settlement of the judgment day. How many
, v.-po read this paragraph will be guiltless of the
• otH-ftve charged 1 — Jfti&aaft Keprex.