.Hit '
lOLOiIIE 57.
NEW SEMES
THE BEDFORD G-ASEPTS
IS PUni.ISUEC EVERY FRIDAY MORNING
BY "3. F. EYli:i!S,
At the following terms, to wits
$1.50 per annum, cash, in advance.
$2.00 " if paid within the year.
$2.50 " " if not paid within the year.
subscription taken lor less than six months.
paper discontinued until all arrearages are
paid, unless at the option of the publisher. t bae
been decided by the United States Courts that ths
stoppage of a newspaper without tne payment ot ar
rearages, is prima facie evidence of fraud and is a
criminal offence.
[ET-The courts have decided that persons are ac
countable for the subscription price of newspapers,
if they take them from" the post office,whether 'hey
subscribe tor theul. or not.
!3 elect |3 011 r ti.
LIFE.
BY 51. LOT IS GOr.tISJIITH.
f.ife is but a troubled stream,
Flowing on as in a dream—
Wider, deeper growing—
Bearing freight for good or ill,
Hast'ning on some gulf to fill,
Into the grave flowing.
Down the stream our barks are borne,
Like some water-lily torn
From its quiet mooring ;
Now we, at a tearful rate,
<ilid on hefpiess to our fate,
Dire suspense enduring.
past a whirlpool now we glide ;
Breakers now on either side
Threaten to destroy us.
Faraway, brilliant light
Shines ucioss the mutky night,
Seeking to decoy us.
Th-re, along the treacherous tide.
Shipwrecks loom up far and wide.
At the shrin* of pleasure
Stranded ; bulks there strayed away.
And within the rocky bay-
Cast awav their 'reasriie.
Sail we on ! Onr cratt, though wreak.
Came thus far without a leak ,
s torms and wave's commotion
Hastened rather than delayed
The votfage, and we've almost made
Eternity's dark ocean.
Pause we hpre—but no * the tide
Sweeps us onward —we abide
Not on earth or ocean
Rest nnfotind eludes our clasp, •
Till we, at our latest gasp,
Yield to Death's dire potion 1
AN INFERNAL MACHINE.
Several years ago, a friend of mine took a ;
Irook store B street, Cincinnati.— .
Things went cm very well lor a tniu- . but iike |
all the rest of mankind, he hud seveiai ''ni \
wishers," as he expressed if, who were ron- j
stautly watching for an opportunity to do turn i
harm.
One day, the Adams' Express Company pin- j
ced \ box in front of his door: and without!
broking at the inscription he signed the ticket,
and the man drove off. A lew moments later
he went nut, ar.ci was surprised lu see "This
side up with extreme car* !" marked on the up
per surface. Now, this caution together wilh
the singular app. arauce of the box, caused oui
friend to ii- .. little* suspicious, lor it was short- !
ly after Allison and in wife were killed by the
explosion nl an infernal machin \
He had it careful:y carried tuto the store, '
and then aii the clerks gathered around it to
see the wonderful b.x. Jt was then carefully
placed behind the counter, w.iere it remained
tor a whole week. At the end of that time he '
got tired of" keeping company with such a dare '
gerous companion, and tie consulted a few per- '
sons (among whom were myself,) what he 5
should do with it. After a little talk, he resol
ved to sink the box in the cistern tor three days, '
after which was to be opened,
It was placed in the water accordingly.— 1
We ail laughed heartily over the affair, for ev- I
eiy one except our friend, considered it an im
mense joke, for it had been published a few days
previous that a woman had received a box and
thinking it to be an infernal machine, she sunk
it in the cistern. When her husband came
home at night, he inquired about his ten dol
lar box ol cigars that fie had sent home during 1
the day ! No doubt they were well soaked ! 1
In the anticipation of having a very grand 8
lime, Jake Kile published it in the papers.
The appointed uay came, and with it came '
some two tiundred terrified people. The box 1
was taken out of the cistern, and laid upon the
counter. Some ladies began to shed tears, and 1
one I believe filiated. Every body pre>ent was j
fearful thai (he oiX was closed so tightly lhat (
the water had not entered j'. However, our j !
friend advanced aud kicked tile box*. All shud- | .
tiered. No explosion, and he kicked again j
with the same result. Then he look a small ; J
haichet and carefully pried the lid open. He j
lifted ihe top carefully, but hesitated about re
moving the cloth that was spread over some- 0
thing within. At length, however, it was ta
ken off! Alt pressed eagerly forward to see u
ttie wonderful infernal machine.
Our friend clasped his hands ; the clerks burs- v
ted . the people clapped their and shou
ted : "boldl sold ! sold!" ®
isheil forward and peeped into the box j -
There lay a huge doll baby dressed in s New
York paper! . * , i(
A lady in an omnibus at Washington espied b
'be great unfinished dome of the capitoi, ( which j 'I
cerlauiiy looks very little like a dome ai pies- ' h
nt.! and said Hinoceatjy — h
"I suppose those are the ga> works i" ; ti
"Yes madam, lor the nation," was the re- ' f<
F' of aft How passenger. ' u
BILL PAID*
Fill m*t Katy in the lane—
A. wink,
Or blink,
1 think
She winked again !
He put his arm around ht*r waist
A pout !
No doubt,
Rut out,
At suc!t good taste.
Her Itttle hand caught his so quick
A scratch !
He'll catch
His match.
And lose the trick.
Then, with her other hand, she gave'—
A cuff!
That's rough
EuOUgh,
And showed her brave.
She said : "I won't !" then held so still
. A kiss !
Ah ! tins
Sweet bliss
Paid every ill—paid Bill.
Knickerbocker.
A PRINTER ON A TRAMP-
A Dutchman sitting at tin* dooi of his tavein
I in the Far West, is approached by a tali thm
|\ankey, who is emigrating westward on
foot with a bundle on a cane over his shoul
• dt*r.
"\ell Mishter Valking Siitick, vat you
j vanl V
"Rest and refreshment,'' replied the prin-
I ter.
"Supper and lochia, I reckon !"
" Yes."
"Pe yoa a Yanky petlar, mil chevvelry in
. pack, to sht*a! de gal ?"
"Nosir, f am no Yankee peddler."
"A singin' rnashter, too lazy to work ?"
"No sit."
"A shenteei shoemaker, vat loves to measure
!te gul".- loots iint angles pettei tin io make fe
sflOes V
"No sir, or 1 should certainly liave mended
my own shoes I"
"A book agent what bodders de school gom
, mitt.es t:ii dey uo vat you viab, shoost to git
! rid of you
"Guess again sir. Pm no book agent."
* - tuy vel! —a dentist, breakin' .ie jheeble's
; .-- j at a doilar a schnag I"
"No si i, lam no tooth puller."
| "Phrenologist deu, fee'm' te young folk's
• heads like so many rabbitch
j "No, nor a jdlrenologi-t."
" Veil den what in der tuy vel can you be '
I Sho'i.-t teil, unt you shali iiave te p--st sassage
! for supper, unt siitay ail night, free gratis, mit
out pays a' von cent, unt a chtil of v iskey to
start mit in de Miu'liiii'."
"I am .in hiintbli* disciple of Faust—a pro
fessor of the ait pie s . i votive o! all aits— a typo
graphy at your seriice."
"Vatch dat ?"
" A printer, sir 4 a man that prints both books
and newspapers."
'•A nion vvnat prints newspapers ! Oh vaw,
yaw, (iat i*.h it—a man vat prints newspapers !
Yaw, yaw. I vish [ may be shot if 1 di !n't
tink vau vash a poor tuvvej of a nishirict
schoolmaster, who voiks for noting, unt poauls
arouri! novfian*. 1 thought you vash him.—
Valk in, valk in, Mishter Prinlrpman !"
ILLUSTRATION OF FINE ART APPRE
CIATION
Two very splendidly attired ladies recently
made a condescending visit to the studio of one
of our distinguished landscapisis, and a..k*d the
privilrge ol look it gat his Pictures. The artist
was but 100 happy to comply with their request
and piaced before them a brilliant sunset which
he had just finished. His vi-itors were lavish
of those charming epithets winch ladies bestow
so liberally upon objects of their admiration.—
"Oh. isn't it lovely ! How sweet! How nat
ural !" etc. And then, after gazing at the
glowing canvass lor-a lew moments in rapt si
lence, the lady who had been loudest in ex
pressing her admiration, said with a naivete
which must have penetrated to the core of Ihe
painter's heart :
"Pray, Mr. G , is it a moonlight ?"
The artist meekly replied lhat it was inten- j
-led for a "sunset."
"Oh, indeed," replied Ihe lady. "Pray,
Mr. G , which do you think the most ;
difficult to do, pictures in oils or in wor
sted V
"Really," repli-d the astonished painter, "I
am unable to say, for 1 have never don.' any
thing in worsted."
"Ah !" said the lady, "1 find it so difficult,
in working little dogs, to put in the eyes !" (
This reminds us c.f an an.-cdoie the lamented
Henry Ininan used to relate. He was sitting
in his studio, then in Murray Street, near
Broadway, one morning, when a jaunty look- j
ing young man an i woman en'ered, and wan-;
ted to "see the picture he ha - 1 painted of S'phiar j
G ,in B Street." It was unfinished, 1
but was readily shown to them by the always ;
obliging artist.
"0, ain't that good ! ain't that good ! partic-!
ularl v the comb .' That's'S'phiar's comb for
alt the world' I should have known it any
where !"
The appreciative young lady'-? companion
idmitted that it wa3 good ; and added flattering
ly to the artist :
"Alter all,' paihtin' is a regular trade, isn't
,t 7" "
He 'old his companion, however, that "the
aest way to look at a picture, if ybu wanted to
■throw it NmT,' is so," and he stooped down and
looked up at it thrcnjgh his legs ! Somebody
had probably told him that distance was some
times given to a landscape by that process. Dif
ference of costume rendered his improved lens ■
anavailable '.O hie companion.
JIM AND HIS BRIDE-
The Indianapolis State Sentinel relates the
lb!lowing :
"A happy, unsophisticated coup!? from the j
rural districts got married on Tuesday last and j
posted oiTto Indianapolis to enjov the first lew j
days in seeing the sights at th"e State Fair.— j
They first stopped at the American House,!
where Kinkie, after puzzling hi;; brain to the i
utmost, was unable to give them a room, and |
they were obliged to-be separated. On VVed- j
nesday night they tried another hotel, with no,
better success. The rooms were all crowded, !
and men had to oe huddled together in pne
room, some on the floor, and packed up any
way, while ladies were served the same in oth
er rooms appropriated to their use. On Thurs
day, the unhappy couple, in despair an ! disgust
ed with crowded hotels, seaiched (or and found
a private boarding house. The landlady sym
pathized with them and promised it possible
that they should have a. room. But on Thurs
day a perfect avalanche of people came upon
the town, tin boarding-'- ouses and'private hou
ses as well as the hotels had to make every shift
to stow away 1 as many as possible at night.— j
Our unfortunate newly-wedded pair heard with i
dismay after tea, that they would have to be ;
;eparated again that night. The groom looked |
his disappointment, but the bride could riot con- j
trol her feelings and blubbered out as she stamp- >
ed her foot on the floor—"l've got my head s-'t '
on it, and I won't be separated from Jim any i
more." The boarders snorted, and offered to j
sleep in the street, or any way, but the landla- 1
dy*would not allow i, and Jim had to take a
berth on the carpet, away from hi* weeping j
third night. NVver bring your!
bride to a Fair."
A Democrat of the Grand River Valley,
not of'.en seen in church, recently attended a |
Methodist prayer meeting. VVe shall call him j
Squiggl- byway of concealment. In a short j
time his countenance lost its usual oiiv 'jolly j
look, and he became oblivious of the solemnities '
going on around him, and was plunged in a j
profound reverie over the recent defeat of his i
parte- in Maine, which h° had been discussing
that morning. As he reflected, his face nalu- ;
rally elongated, and his jaw dropped, .\oti- '
cing hi-, sei lUUS and solemn look, and not re- j
numbering ever to have seen hiin before, one
of the brethren took him to be a stranger cf a ••
religious turn of mind, and leaned ov- r firs j
bench and remarked :
"Biotfser, these are refreshing seasons."
Squiggle gazed vacantly at the speaker and ;
groaned inwardly. The brother paused :
•'lt is good to te* here."
Squiggle, still absorbed in reverie, groaned ,
again.
"Brother, do you often think of your future
stale ?"
At the word "state" the eyes of our 1) mo
cratic Irlend lost their dreamy look, and bis;
jaw clashed into place like a rat trap.
"Stat--!" fie exclaimed, brine-ing down his
clenched ■lst on the oack of his questioner's
bench, with an emphasis that startled tiie wor
lv brother greatly. "H— U ! it gone Black
Republican oy i;>,000 majority !"
A STORY FOR BOYS. — it is related tf a Per
sian mother ifiat on ivinur her son futy pieces
of silver j> his portion, she. made fjim swear;
never to tell a he, arid said :
"Go, mi sort, I consign thee to God, and we
shall,not m-t again until the dav of judgme: t."
Tiie youth went, and tire parte he travelled!
wi'h was assaulted be robbers.
One follow asked th- boy what be had, to,
which he answered -
"Forty dollars are sowed up tu nty gar- i
merits."
'I he robbers laughed, thinking the bov jes
ted.
Another a-ked the same question, at:d re-;
Ceived the same answer.
At last the chief cat fed him and asked hiin j
what he had .said. The boy replied ;
"I have told two of your people already that j
1 have forty dollars sewed up in my clothes." |
"The chief ordered the clothes to be ripped I
open, and the money found.
"And how came you to tell this ?"
"Because," replied the boy, "I would not be
false to my mother, to whom 1 promised nev
er to tell a he."
"Child," said the robber, "art thou so mind- |
lul of thy duty to thy mother at thv years, and |
am I insensible, at my age, of the duty I owe
to God f Give me thy hand, that 1 may swear ;
repentance on it." ' <
i here is a moral in this story which goes be- j t
yond rbe direct influence of the mother on the ; <
child. The sentiment infused into the breast j
of a child. The sentiment infused into the"
breast of a child is again transferred from breae? : t
to breast.
THC RASCALS BEATEN. —On the steamer O- j j
cean, from Cleveland on Monday night, there j
came a number of sharpers, attracted thither bv [ {
the State Fair. They made several attempts I
with three-card rrionte and other swindling jj
games at cards to "rope in" some of the other 1
passengers, but Without effect, till one young '
man was found and badgered till he took out t
•$!5. He bet on four kings, but the gambler I
showed four aces, and the greeny was out just ! j.
s!f>. A Cleveland gentleman who had been j v
quietly looking on proceeded to inquire of the |
young man his name, business, &c. The lat- l n
ter in reply, stated that he was living in the |
Saginaw country; worked for $!0 a month and !
had beer, down to Biack River, Ohio, to get a- j
bout $l-0 due him for labor there. This he had h
with him when he came'on board. T'he gen- ] t
It man called Capt. Evans and told the ctrcum- j v
stances. "Capt. Dick," in hts cool style, "at- j s
lowed that such business could not be safely j "
transacted on his boat," and ordered a redelive-1 s
ry of the spoils. The rascals gave up $lO, but j s
said tiiey certain I v ought to be allowed to keep 1 h
sh. "Vol a dollar, not a dollar," said the can- p
tain, and they dare na? refuse. ■' t 1
Freedom of Thought and Opinion.
BEDFORD, PA., FRIDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 23,186a
I MYSTERIES OF COURTSHIP. —"SaIIy, don't J
I like you ?"
| "La, Jim, I reckon so."
j "But don't }ou know it ? Don't you think
: I'd tear the eyet out of anybody that dares to
1 look at you a second i"
"I'spect you would."
"Well, the lact of it is, Sally, I—"
"Oh ! now don't Jim, you're too sudden."
"And, Sail}', I want to—"
"Don't say anything more now ; I will."
"But it must be done immediately, I want
jyou to—"
"Oh hush, don't say any more."
''l want you to get—"
"What !so soon ! Oh, no—im|iossible !
1 alher and mother would be angry at me."
"Howl Be mad for doing nie auch a favor
as to m—"
"Yes! dear me ! Oh, what a feeling !"
"But there is some mistake : for all 1 want
to have you do is to mend my trousers !'
Sally could hear no mote. She threw up
her arms, and screaming histerically fainted
away as a dead leg.
; Doncs' FIRST "MOTION."— Dobbs, during
i his firs-t session as a member of the Legislature,
was caught without a speech. He was re
-1 markable for his modesty, and his thirst lor
j eve."
j One unlucky day the proceedings being ra
; thei dull, and Dobbs being rather thirsty, he
i concluded to go over to the hotel and take a
j drink. As Dobbs rose to leave the hall, he
, caught the Speaker's eye. The Speaker sup
, posed he intended to address the house, and
' announced in a low voice
j "Mr. Dobbs!"
Dobbs started as if he had been shot. The
assembled wisdom of the State had their eves
| fixed upon him. He pulled out his pocket
I handkerchief to wipe away the perspiration,
j and feeling it necessary to saj, something, ho
j thundered out:
"Second the motion."
"There is no motion before the house." said
i the Speaker,
j "Then I I"
I :e silence was brea'hles?.
; Dobbs could not think of anything to say. I
i But a bright idea came to fcna, and he finished
i with—
I fl. move to adjourn."
The motion didn't go, but D Tobs did, and
j noshing more was s-en of hun that dav.
EIR-stsG THE HANDSOMEST GIRLS.— 1 dis- 1
; tiiijuished candidate for an office of high trust
in a Certain State, who is "up to a thing or
t .vo, and lias a keen appreciation of live beau- t
, ty, when about to set off on an electioneering j
! 'our recently, svT to It's.,- wife, who was to ac- j
c'irr.pony him for pru'•■i'tial reasons:
■'.Ty near, inasmuch as this election is com- !
; ; in at-d, and the canyts. will be close. lam j
;L..&iJUSt leave notbi t undone that would!
pn ;;■•! •my popularity, ; i ■: so I have thought
u wmild be .. good plan to kiss a nnmb-rof t'.e |
ha JsOinest girls in every piace whepe J may '
be Honored with a public reception. Don't vou
think it would b. a good idea f'
"I anita!! ' exclaimed.the devoted wile, "and (
to mskey ur election a sure thing, while vou
••re hissing the handsomest girls, ! veil! kiss an
equal number of the handsomest young men !"
the c.istinguisbed candidate, wc uetieve, has
not since referred to this pleasing means oi pop
. I
A LEAP YEAR POPPING.—"A-bem, E_ hrarm
I hep.iu something about you "
' La, now, Mi s Sophnni, vou don't sav •
so !' 1
'■ i es, indeed, that I did, and a great many
said it too."
"La, now, what was it, Miss Soph
ii ;a."
•'Oil d-ai , i can't tell }ou" (tumiug away
her head.) j
"Oh ! la, do now."
"Oh ! r.o, I can't."
"Oh ! yes, Miss Sophrina."
"La me, Ephraun, you do jester a body so
"\\ ell, do please to tell me, Miss Sophrina." \
"Well, I heard that "
"What?" (putting his arm around her
waist.)
"Oil! don't squeeze me so !"
"I Heard that—that" (turning her blue eyes
full upon EphraimV,—"that—you and I were to
be—married !"
HOMELY TRUTHS FOR WlVES. —Although
your husband may neglect to give you a new
dress, do not seek revenge by giving hun a
good dressing.
Do not hesitate between the choice of an
expensive mantle and your husband's affection ;
tbuug'njthe lorraer may be dearer to your besom.
Should your husband bring a friend home to j
partake of yesterday's beef, do not be churlish,
but let a warm smile season the cold repast.
Prefer the country rambles'jto town lounges:
the colors of the rose are brighter than the hues
of silk, and the de'vdrops outshine the jewel
ler's gems.
Never deny your husband the pleasure of
smoking ; the cigar by the fireside is the domes
tic calumet ol peace.
Be careful in brewing the cup which cheers,
but not iubebriate3 ; strong tea is better than
weak arguments.
The hand which was pledged at the altar is
not disgraced in sewing on a button, and re
member—as you sow, so shall you reap.
As THE polite omnibus agent ol the {Lexing
ton and Louisville Railroad was going through
.he ladies' car, checking baggagp, he asked a
very pretty young lady, it she had any baggage
•hf wished taken to (the hotel ? She replied,
•'No, sir." The agent then asked her if she de
ored a "bus ?" She instantly gave him a verv I
• weet smile and replied "No, sir, I am not in a ■
bussing humor this evening." The agent drop- •
|ied his memorandum book, hastily retired to t
!he baggage car, and said he feK unwell. I
ANECDOTE OF A PARROT.
Mr. Cornwall Simeon gives the following
anecdote in his "St.ay Notes on Fishing and
Natural History
1 | "A parrot belonging to some friends of min
j was generally taken out ol the room when the
j famiiy assembled for prayers, for fear led he
I might take it into his head tojoin irreverently
{in the responses. One evening, however, his
! presence happened to be unnoticed, and he was
, forgotten. For some time he maintained a
! decorous silence, but at length, instead of 'A
; men,' out he came with 'Cheers, boys, cheers.'
• On (his the butler was directed to remove hirn,
; when the bird, perhaps, thinking that he had
| committed himself, and had better apologize,
j called out, 'Sorry 1 spoke.' The overpower
i ing effect on the congregation may be more
; easily imagined than described."
A SICKLY girl in Plymouth, N. H., a sorr.nam
j bulist, with a strong propensity to walk off with
; things and hide them where they could not be
j found, nor she herself remember, so that at last
; it was found necessary to lock her in secuieiy
' at night, made off, a few weeks since, with a
valuable watch. Then the family gave her
iiberty, and watched her movements :n hope
that the same somnambulism that carried it off
i would again find if. The other night she star
ted out followed by her brother. She walked
places that he uare not follow ; but the moon
, light helped show her course, and he kept
along. Finally she walked up the trunk of an
old tree that hung out an angle of fortp-five de
grees over a brook, stood firmly at the end,
j while the tree swayed beneath her, and stoop
ing down brought out that watch. Returning
to terra firma the brother waked her, took the
properly, and they hurried home.
justice of the peace in Dubuqup, lowa,
whose love of liquor exceeds his knowledge ol
law, visited a sic; friead the oilier night, upon
; whose table stood a tumbler [of brand.y which
| had been ordered by the doctor. After a little
conversation, the Justice r-comtnended a wet
' bandage across the eyes as a sure cure for hi?
Iriend's complaint, and after adjustins one
carefully, goon left the room. 1. pon removing
j the bandage, the sick man found that bis bran
dy had gone, as well as his friead.
NATURAL WEAKNESS. —A "bumptious" trav- J
eier, oveitakmg an old Presbyterian minister,
j whose nag was much fatigued, quizzed the old
j gentleman upon his "turn out." A nice horse,
• you r s ! very—valuable beast that—but what
makes him wag Ins tail so, doctor *" "Why,
as you have asked me, 1 will tell vou. It is
fur the same reason that your tongue wags so, a
j sort ol natural weakness.
Tp*Hearing a man complain that political
I pacers of ail kinds had become such liars that
!:■> o'd not believe any of them, remind- ts of the
stoiv of t:ie miller and his three sons. Cuming
inio the mill ar.d finding the grist iu the hop—
• per, the old mail man cried out : "Tom,
• have you tolled this ■t ?" "Ye?, sir." "Bill,
Lave you tolled this grist ?" "Yes, sir."—
"Dick, Lave you toiled .'this grist ?" "Yes,
sir." "You are a pack of lying scoundrels,"
says thp old man. "I don't [believe a -.void
j you say'—l'll toll it myself!"
tVifc, fcrin? mere me r.;id beef." said a
shit:less husband, when iur the first time in bis
life, he discovered that he was more hungry
' than thirsty.
"There is no beef in the house," was the
mild reph*.
"Fetch me some pork, then."
"No pork, either."
"Weil, theu, let nje have some potatoes."
"Not a potatoe left."
"Thunder and lightning! get some bread,
i then."
"The bread is all ?one, too."
"Well, ttien, give me a knife and fork, and
■ Id pie qo through ike motions
1 Cones, a newly-elected sheriff, was
told by the judge to open court. Bob weut to
\ tiie cioor and shouted.
"I call court —1 call court!"
"Call \Y. H. Jones and A. P. Moore,said
the judge.
i "IV. H. Jones and A. P. AL>ore—W. H.
Jones and A. P. Aloore !" yelled Bob.
"One at a time, Mr. Sheriff"
"One at a time—one at a time!"
"Now you've fixed it."
"Needn't come ; we've fixed !" is screamed
the determined sheriff
There was no court that day.
i
THE following is a very significant epistle
, to be presented to the present degenerate age,
which, if answered correctly, would L be found
to contain more truth fhan poetry .
Is there a heart that never sighed ?
Is there a tongue that never lied ?
Is there an eye that never blinked ?
Is there a man that never drinked ?
Is there a woman that never lamted ?
Is there a woman that never painted ?
If so, then heart, tongue and eve
Must tell a most confounded lie.
won't be a darned thing this
summer but politicks," said Jonathan, who was
discussing business matters at the depot with a
friend. I tell you that I can't meet anybody
but what they're putting inter me bout the Lit
tle Giant, the Constitution and Spread Eagle,
the Rail-Splitter, and a thundering lot of other
names. Consarn it, why the bull-frogs in the
pond back cf our barn are all on a titter, bel
lowing out, "Old Abe—Old Abe—lllinois
Illinois—put him through, chug."
lady asked her gardener why tfie
weeds always outgrew and covered up the flow
ers I "Madam," he answered, "the soil is mo- j
ther <?f the weeds, but only step-n;other of the
flowers.
IfO|<K \i*.T2 Bi J" * T "*,
SALIER EOY.
AS SUNG BV. S. SAXFORD, OF THE OPERA HOUSE.
M v ; ove is n Salier Boy, so glorious and so bold,
• tie sas tali as a flag-staif, only nineteen years
old,
For to cruise the wide world he left his own
dear,
And my heart is a busting because he is not
here.
For hnspirit was tremendous, oh, fierce
to
In a young man 6red a butcher boy, only
nineteen years old.
His parents they bound him to a carpenter,
But a sea-faring lile he did much prefer,
lor his spirits was tremendous, and fierce to
behold,
In a young man, bred a butcher boy, oniv nine
teen years old.
for was tremendous, etc.
Oh, my bus-um is tcs-sed, like the deep rolling
for fear his affections don t still point to me ;
tor a sweetheart can be had in every port, so
I'm told, r
More particularly for ar-young n.an, onlv nine
teen years old.
for bis spirits was tremendous, etc.
I .My hea.t is a breakitig with grief and repine,
lor fear that fine-formed [man will never be
mine ;
01 all the wealth in the mint here, both sil
ver and gold,
I d give ,0 my Salier Boy, only nineteen years
old.
I or his spirits was tremendous, etc.
If that ere * oung man my husband ne'er can
be—
But lay a st : !l corpusses in the bcttom of the
sea,
The weeds of a widder, so dismal to behold,
Fd wear for iry Salier Boy, only nineteen
yeais old.
For lis spirits was tremendous, etc.
A Too COMMUNICATIVE CHILD.—Sonny, do
you love tne any ?
O ! I though !
What for !
Because you always bring me candy when
you come to see Sissy Jane. Give me some
more.
And what does she love me for ?
O, cause you take her to concerts, and give
her so many nice things. She says so long as
you are fool enough to bring her shawls and
bonnets, she won't sack you no how—now give
me some more candv.
Of = "' 1 Why is the letter D. like a ring?"
said a young lady to ter accepted. The geatle
mau, like the generality of his sex in such a
situation,"was as dull as a hammer. "Because"
added the lady, with a modest look at the
other end of the room, "because we em't te wed
without it."
Goon FOR KATRINA.—A good old Dutchman
and his trow sat up till gaping time, when the
latter, after a full stretch, said :
"I vish I vas in Heaven."
Hans also yawned and replied :
"I visli I vas in de shiiii house."
Katrina's eyes flew wide open, as she ex
claimed, "I pe pound for you ; you alwavs
wish to be in the best place."
How TO Kiss.—First, grasp with haste, all
round the waist, and hug her tight to thee ; and
then she'll say, "do go away, won't you let me
be." Then, oh, what bliss ! but never miss so
good a chance as that , Jthen make a dash, as
quick as a flash, and—Harriet, hold my hat I
A LITTLE EXTRAVAGANT. —An Albany la
dy wore a dress at the great ball, giver, to the
Prince of Wales in New York, three flounces
of which alone cost a thousand dollars each.—
The lace used upon the dress was "only two
hundred and fifty dollards a yard."
this your only suit, Jerry ? it's ra
ther shabby."
• "0, no, I've got another."
" Where ?"
"In Court."
£F°"A wag being asked the name ol the io
ventor of butter-stamps, replied that he was
probably Cadmus, as he first brought letters
into Greece.
those who take pleasure in troub
ling others. There is danger of getting burnt
if you get too near the fire.
Cf~'The wind's getting 'round,' remarked
Bibbs to his friend Buggins, the other day when
it changed from east to west. 'Glad of it,' re
plied Bcggins ; 'it's Deen sharp long enough.'
Hjp-'Do you know wliat the people in
Lynchburg do when it rains V 9ked ft freight
boat captain of a farmer.
♦No, I do not—do you,?'
•Why, yes—they let it rain.'
my so.i, run Info the store
and get some sugar."
"Excuse me, ma: I am somewhat indisposed
this morning. Send father, and tell him to
bring me a plug of tobacco."
never leaves us where it finds
us ; \( either softens ot hardens the heart ol Hs
victim. 14 •' *
VOL. 5. NO. 16.