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!£7"The courts have decided that persons arc ae
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.1 th-j take them I'iom the post office, whether they
mbsrribe for them, or not.
jj 0 C t V IF
UNHAPPY JOHN.
UT <HARLES MACKAY.
t'nhappy John doubts woman's truth,
And vows true love is dead and gone ;
Why ? lie was jilted in his youth;
A false fair maid abandoned John ;
Because he found one cankered peach,
Ait fruit is worthless in his eyes,
i oT.e forth, ye gentle souls, and teach
I l.e selfish craven how he lies ;
tome forth, ye 'adies, bright and fair,
lomt at him y.iisr reproving hands,
And let your eyes your truth declare,
.1 .J i/ustr him i.hrre he .f.ntJ*.
It.
Fi happy John is sick of schemes ;
lie doubts the use of striving on ;
Why t Something is amiss, it seems,
Aid failure has di-heartened John,
tie moans in pitiful distress,
Because his projects topple down ;
k f'onie forth, ye masters of success,
1 e builders of your own renown,
Wno dig the mine or leil the oak ;
Show him your hard and blistered hands,
Tell him the worth of stroke on stroke,
Afil ehutne him where he etuinis.
111.
Onhappy John distrusts his kind ;
lie gives the world his malison :
Why t He was somewhat weak and blind,
And a false rogue defrauded John.
lie thinks misanthropy is right,
If he be cheated of his pelf.
f'orne lortb, trya souls, and in votii light.
Depict the bigot to himself!
Come forth ye generous and good,
With spotless hearts and libera! hands,
FLOW t.im the face of brotherhood,
Aid eharne him where he iianUr.
...jm ... . ..cy -.a* 1 1 - ■ -t- 1 111 ... . atf......
OCR COUATRY.
BY BAN DON C. HAYNE3.
Tim Cisco very of America, in its jracticil
; 111 the ties'.inics at mankind, was e
• 1 aieiit to the creation of another planet be
mud the seas for tilt; habitation of man. It
brought into activity on the race a new com
oi. ation of physical causes, which, in their fi
nal operation, shall lead to consequences—po
litical, social, intellectual, and moral—grander
than have yet occupied the thoughts 01 dazzled
Hie minds ol rrr.-n.
North America stands faith on our sphere
lie centre figure among the continents around
which they are ail grouped. On the one hand,
'.ie lifts her front, set all glittering with cities,
, . the Gee of Europe: and on the other, turns
her western slope, watered with rivers "lit
> rally turbid with gold,** and crowned with
eternal spring, in the broad vision >f Asia, —
wfile between these extremes lies an empire
• tore than six thousand miles in its outline,
.v -red with the lichest soils ever visited by
-• beams oFthe sun, and intersected by streams
which pour their floods through "inland seas"
• ; the great ocean. And already Science, in \
f-r azure robe, has taken her stand nn the I
r. -t of the world, the summit of the Rocky
u,tains, and gazing with dazzling eyes in !
e face of Asia, with a globe in one hand and i
A in the other, whose trembling j
,t v lje, ififctinct with the pulsations of that won- j
l-i-fni vein oi influence whicjr throbs j
irounJ. the world, is pointing fut I" jbe mil
.of the West the paraiU of ja'itude on
•vhich the riches of the earth are to find a l.'gb"
"\v !o the East. And, indeed, she is Row j
►'"boning into our Pacific ports the "daring j
R I HIS" and flying steamer of every nation,,
" 'Ri th.- wandering seas and distant tiansits a- ■
"md Cape Horn and Cape of Good Hope.— :
Fid yet our country is but in the germ ol her ■
reatnes-s and the infancy ol her years,
in a century to come, at the regular rates of 1
cr. ae, she will contain a population of 500,-
1 >O,OOO. ft cannot be averted; for the gene- j
r i! laws of the moral are as certain in their j
, ""alion a? those of the natural world.
D'v Angio-American race must eventually
I.r .! nave of population over this continent.
• I in the past is the best augury for
- future. Had any one in the time of the
>'dedi ration said that the handful of men
living, and their descendants,in fifty year.-,
spread to the Pacific ocean, he would
have been rewarded as a run-mad enthusiast.—
h d incredulity has been turned into faith and
Nncy into Gel. Is it leg# probable that this
powerful and master race, within the next half
c-ntiiry, will have fallowed our eagles over all
1 -rural America? Already the pulse of the
•1 <zfo-. imerienn heats in Nicaragua. .
Ami what exists in our system to prevent its
••Mention to the world ? It is totally unlike
a,l > other which ever existed. In the checks
01 balances, concord and harmony of its "em
--' •"d members," it aoproaches more nearly
"be -oUr system, planned by God himself,
•n iny other; for, like the planets—each re
v-; ng-ifj its a\i", while bound by the kindly
law of gravitation (o the central luminary
every State, possessing a separate, distinct, and
independent government of her own, is, at the
same lime, bound with her sisters into a perfect
union around the Federal Government by the
compact of the Constitution of the United
States.
The inference of dismemberment from terri
tor.al expansion, springs from the error of con
founding our representative republic with pure
and primitive democracies, and applying the
reasonings drawn from one to the other. The
true distinction is, as Mr. Madison said, that in
a radical democracy the people meet and ex
ercise the government in person—in a repre
sentative republic by their agents, ft follows,
that the territorial limit oI a pure democracy
is that distance form a common centre which
will barely allow the most remote citizens, as
olten public exigencies demand, to Come to the
seat ol government: and that of a' representa
tive republic, that distance which will permit
the representative of the people to come to the
central point as often as necessary without de
triment to the public service.
The application of'the agency of steam to
transit on land and water, and th e emoloyment
of the lightning for the transmission ol intelli
gence, have endowed government, man, and
the human mind, with a kind of earthly übiqui
ty, which, in point ol time and practical effect,
have brought the utmost borders of this whole
ronl irient nearer to its common centre than were
the limits of the old thirteen States to the seat
of government in the days of the confederation.
Our double sys-tem of government, State and
Federal, in the practical influence and expan
sibility of its machinery, is capable of adjusting
itselt as well to the whole as to any of its seg
ments. Whether such an extension ought ever
to lake place, and the time and methods by
which it shall be accomplished, if ever, are far
different questions —questions which must be
decided bv you in your day and generation,
under a high sense of national justice, honor,
and morality, when they shall arise.
Discarding, however in'nature, all social dis
tinctions springing from the accidents of birth
and fortune, and founded on the intrinsic dig
nity of man as man, our institutions know no
: aristocracy but that of virtue and of intellect.—
The equality of civil and religicus privileges
and the great diffusion of political power a
' mong lire people at large, by which every free
• man of the white race becomes an element in
1 our State and national sovereignties, has brought
the patronage of the Government and the ca
. pacities of the people into contact and furnished
motives for high attainments in science, law,
and political economy, unknown to the rr.onar
; chies and despotisms of the other hemisphere,
founded as they are upon the.interest of the
few. And, in consequence of the indefinite
numbers to whom the high honors and dazzling
rewards of our free country make their mighty
depths of appeal, and whom they stir to rr.en
•a! activity in their preparations for our ever
returning "Olympics," our country is soon to
be the "brightest spot" on the planet we in
habit, and in the empire of the mind, of letteis,
and of eloquence, the the- civilizd
world.
Carry forward your minds, th<*n, to that
' country which rises on the prophetic future.—
Consider the immensity of her outline, itself a
boundless image of liberty; crowded with a
dense and rnighly people; belted with every
degree of climate, reposing in the midst of the
great oceans, and watered by a thousand rivers
running to the seas. Behold her fields spotted
with flocks and herds, and crowned with pur
ple harvests; checkered with electric wires and
public parks; studded with towns and cities,
and ruled by the wisest government the world
ever saw. Turn the radiant eye of contempla
tion to her beautiful seats of art, where the
genius of sculpture "pours life and soul and
passion" into ttie breathing rnarbie, and the
painter diffuses the beauty of the "face divine"
on the living canvas. Look at her academies,
colleges, and universities, thick as the stars,
lighting the intellects of millions at their redun
dant fountains. Gaze on her sacred judicial
tribunals, graced with a learned bench and
eloquent bar; presentins, in the language of
Chancellor Kent, the image of the Sanctity of
Temples. Contemplate her parliamentary
bodies, in which eloquence,
"All head to counsel, and all heart to feel."
rules her "wilderness of free minds" with un
bounded authority. Figure to yourselves her
countless churches, the beautiful architectural
creations of Christian ingenuity arid opulent de
votion; whose exquisite spires are lifting the
hopes of their immortal flocks to the worship of
tiie unseen Shepherd in the realms of immensi
ty. while their choirs and organs are pouring
forth, through ail her valleys, a tide of choral
harmony, which, in the of its grand j
diapason, caught by the "pendent heavens," is
echoed thiough eternity !
In contemplation I behold through the vista
of unmeasured years that mighty Republic, lord
of the ascendant in the firmament of the na
tions; the favorite habitation of human liberty,
and of the principles of a generous humanity; '
by its inherent 3d renovating influence locali
zing all faction and fanaticism into specks upon
its disk; in the integrity of its federation and
the immutability of its sphere above the con
vulsions of the "rolling ages," it shall
ly shed the beams of freedom on the darkest
regions of Ihe earth, and expand the circle of
human beneficence aud Christian charity to the
horizon of the world.
young lady who refused to go into
Ihe rifle manufactory because some of the guns
had no breeches, is spending a few days at
Sandy Hook, looking out for a ship that is said
to be in stays.
[TV 5 'A lady being about to marry a small man
was told that he was a very bad fellow.
4 Well,' said the lady, 4 if he is so bad there is
one comfort—there is very little of him.'
BEDFORD, PA„ FRIDAY MORNING, JULY 8 1859.
f THE WHEAT* HARVEST.
The wheat harvest is far advanced in several
States, and the accounts are generally quite as
favorable as could have been expected. In
Kentucky, according to the Louisville Courier,
the harvest will be a "splendid one." The
yield of grain, that paper remarks, is not only
extremely large, but the quality will be unsur
passed by the product of any former harvest.
In three weeks from this date the millers will be
receiving the new crop of wheat. In the
adjoining States, the accounts are good. The
Knoxville (Tenn.) Whig has information that
the wheat crop of some of the counties of lower
Fast Tennessee v.il be a small one ; in the mid
dle sections it r? promising, and in the uppei
counties, except in some cases whert it was
damaged by the fly, it will h Q abundant.
Of Maryland and Virginia, the Baltimore
American of Saturday says :—"Our letters and
exchanges speak most encouragingly ol the
growing crops, and in our own States and Vir
ginia all agree on the point that the prospect
never was better." The farmers of lower
Virginia are now engaged in cutting their
wheat. Generally the crop i* regarded as a
good one. The Fredericksburg (Va.) .Veres
says the harvest is progressing finely in that
neighborhood.
Alabama papers speak very flatteringly of
the harvest in that State. The same is true of
North Carolina. Tn Texas, the yield of wheal
is remarkably good.
The wheat harvest is in progress in Southern ;
Indiana. The yield is reported "more than or- '
dinary," and "the grain good."
In Southern Illinois, too, the wheat is being |
gathered as fast *as possible. The Belleville
Democrat .-ays : "Harvesting in this country is \
going on this week in good earnest, and we are j
pleased to learn that the yield is very heavy, I
—no rust." Other quotations might be made, i
of similar purport. It is safe to say that the j
Northwestern States, as a whole, will yield a
fair average.
Respecting the crops in Ohio and Illinois, j
the following extract from the Cincinnati
Price Current will be sufficiently definite.—
The Cleveland Herald , remarking more I
particularly with reference to the late frost, !
states that Mr. J. H. Klippart, Secretary of the
Slate Board of Agriculture, has been over the
most of tiie wheat belt ol the State, through
Guernsey, Licking, Kncx, Fairfirld, Delaware,
Richland, Crawford, and Ashland counties. He
has examined wheat fields personally, wherev
er he has b<-en, convereerl with tarmerr, made
the subject his Viudy, and concludes that there
will be three-fourths of what there could have
been harvested under any circumstances.
From Cincinnati Price Current,2'2d
THE WEATHER AND THE CROPS.—The wea
ther during th- 1 past week has be*>n quite fa
varable to the growing crops generally. Sun-1
day and Monday were rather hard days upon j
wheat, being showery and close, and in some
sections we iearn there are apnearances of rust
upon late crops ; but yesterday was clear and
pieasant.
As regards corn, it may be said to have re
covered almost entirely from tiie effects of the
Irost of the sth inst., and it is growing rapidly,
presenting a most vigorous appearance. The
prospect at present is that this crop will be
unusually large.
The damage to wheat, from the frost, turns
out to have been comparatively trifling in the
aggregate. Fields that were supposed to have :
been ruined, now promise a fair average yeld, j
while the injury appears to have been confined j
to a few localities, chiefly in Northeasten Ohio j
and Western Pennsylvania.
Potatoes are doing well, and the prospects
are favorable for a large crop.
Fruit, such as apples, peaches, and pears,
will be short—one-half an average crop would
be an out side estimate for the central west.
From Northern Illinois the accounts regar
ding fall wheat are unfavorable, and the pros
pects for a good yield of spring wheat are r.ot
encouraging ; while in Southern Illinois the
crop is yielding handsomely. Everywhere, in
Illinois, as in Ohio and Indiana, corn looks
well.
GE.Y. SHIELDS OA* BARRELS.
A shoit time since, Gen. Shields, landing at
Hastings, on the Mississippi, compared his
freight and bill of lading, one item calling for
seven barrels. Strange to say, however, the
General could only find on the landing, six of
his barrels. He was heard counting them over
several times with the same unsatisfactory re
sult each time. Moving the index finger of
his right hand up and down in a pointed man
ner at each barrel, thus he soliloquized aloud,
with deliberate, military emphasis: 'One, two,
three, four, five six.' And shaking his head,
with dignified gravity, saying, 'Something
wrong here,' he recommenced his account :
'One— two— three— tour—five— six; where
the is the other barrel ?' Full ol wrath,
he was proceeding to demand the production of
the missing cask trom the officers of the bo3t,
when, lo! on his getting up for this purpose
from where he was surveying, with characte
ristic dignity and gravity,his goods and sundries,
it was discovered to his infinite amusement and
that of the bystanders, that he had been sitting
on the seventh barrel.
iX?""At Pittsfield, while a young lady and
gentleman were playfully contending about
a gold locket the former accidently swallow
ed it.
The young gentleman immediately asked for
the casket containing the jewel.
[CF**The Emperor of Russia has presented at
diamond broach, valued at SSOOO, to the wifn
of Captain Hudson, in acknowledgment for th*
courtesies extended by him to some Russia*
officers, while engaged in hving the Atlarrtifi
Telegraph Cable. c
Freedom of Thought and Opinion.
1 SUM VERSES TO A SNAIK. BY BINKS.
reptile ! long and ska'y knss !
Yon are the dadrattedest biggest thing I ever
Seed, that and ty itself into a doable bo
Not, and cum ail strate again in a
Minnit or so, without winkin or seemin
To experience any particular pane
In the diai'ram.
Stoopenjns inseck ! marvelous annimiie !
)'ou are no doubt seven thousand yerea
Old, and have konsiderable of a
Family sneekin round thru the tall
-Gras in Afriky, a etin up Jittle greasy
Niggers, and a wishing they was bigger,
Yuare the aaim miserable devvle,
I'll bet, that put redicklus noshuna
Into the head of Eve, or his unkle, I
Don't no witch.
1 wonder how big yu was when yti
Was an nphant about 2 fete long ? I
Expec you was a purtv god'd size, and
Lived oe phrogs, andfizzards, and polly-
W.igs and stitch things.
Yu are having a nice time row, ennvhow—
Don't hav nothin to do but lay oph
And eat kats and rabbits, and stic
Out yur tung, and twist yure tale.
I wunder if yu ever swallered a man
Without takin oph his butes. If thar wus
B:ass buttins on bis kote, I spose
Yu had to swaller a lot of buttin-
Viholes, and a shu hamer to nock
The soals oph the boots and dryve in
Tie tax, so they wootdn't kut yure
Stiminick. 1 wunder if vitrles taste
Giod ail the way down. 1 expec so—
At least, fur 6 or " fete.
Yi are so almitey long, I shud thvnk
if yure tale was kold yure hed
Woodent no it till the next day,
Bit it's hard to tell ; snaix is snaiks.
Golden Era.
THE ZOUAVES LS'WAR.
From the Paris Journal des Debals.
VERCELLT, June 1.
The telegraph will have informed you of the
glonous ILat of arms accomplished by the 3d
Z laves beyond Palestro. This brave regiment
mad' a beginning by capturing the cannon that
wrre playing upon thpm. Bells and grape
wev iflr6vn onvrnrtwc . tbttt was ait ; the
ar'Jlerv men were dead.
jet me give you the recital of a wounded
Ziuavp whom I met yesterday at Torrione, two
cr three hours alter the fight :
"We were very quiet Ihere before a brook,
when ve saw five or six horsemen on a height
notiaroff; we said they were Austrian hussars
reconroitering, and made ready to have a little
convesation with them. But suddenly a pack
of gripe came upon us, accompanied with a
shdxt rof balb. The rascals had put guns on
the hrl, and hid their riflemen in the wheat
wlier we could not see a sign of them. While
we wre looking about, grape mingle j with the
convesation. The colonel sees from where the
shot omes by the smoke. The officers turn to
us : 'loiiaves !' they shout, lo the guns !' Vfe
all lep into the brook. The water was up to
our neks : our cartridge boxes take a bath ;
and *e can't fire a single shot. It was a good
300 ards tothe Batteries. But didn't we go
overthe ground like gymnasts ? How thev j
fell The grape mowed the <rrass around us.
In a .winkling we are on the hill, hitting, stri- (
king stabbing. A shell falfs and five of my !
comrdes are blown into the air. Look ! mv
casqe is full of their blood. I had my arm
operd, but the guns were ours."
Tis story affected me, r . confess T grasped
the and of the arm that was bound in red rib- ,
bon. A little tremulously I asked the names of
the fficers who were wounded. Thank God,
non uhom we knew have fallen. I will not j
spea of others ; I should fear to be inexact and j
to tfovv mourning into many families. Alas! ;
ther was one whom Commandant Bother
pretfited to me only the evening before. Nev
er ws a face more gay and laughing than his
washen. His head had been taken off by a
tall
"Ie was as good as he was big,*' said the
Zaire.
Lave given up making th" acquaintance of
offers. These shocks injure me. They say
it i because I am used not used to it.
h the evening or next morning after these
miieious frays, at the table d'hote, or at the
cal when the officers meet to get the news,
the we see how, in some ol its features, grief
is ingled with carelessness. The news com
ersre questioned ; a name is spoken ; a coun
l-mce contracts ; a clenched fist comes down
o'jfie table ; a hand is passed quickly over
theyes. One comrade bites his moustache,
mber gets up and steps aside to cough, turn
in#iis head ; his neighbor lights a cigar, his
lai trembling a little. An ejaculation, an
oa, a souvenir is heard. "Poor fellow ! "
devil !" "Such a good fellow ! " They
sdlow a cup of coffee and separate.
he funeral oration of the departed is fin- j
istl.
'WE'LL MARRY THIS FALL."—I gave her a
ie and gave her a ring, and asked her to mar
me then, but she sent them all back, insensi
.• thing, and said she had no notion of men.—
iold her I'd oceans of money and goods, tried
frighten her with a growl; but she answered
ie wasn't brought up in the woods to be
ightened by the screech of an owl. I cal
d her a beggar and everything bad: I slighted
r features and form; till at length I succeeded ;
getting her mad, and she raged like a sea in
itorm. And then in a moment 1 turned and
rifled, and called her my angef and all, she
II in mv arms like a weari oine child, and ex
aimed, 'We will marry this fall.'
THE TALKING FlSH.—This extraordinary
phenomenon is being exhibited at 191 Piccadil
ly. It has been generally thought that this
was one the clever humbugs of the day, but
we must say that on witnessing its performance,
we came to the conclusion that it is one of the
greatest curiosities of the age. In the centre
of the exhibition room, in Piccadilly, is a huge
tub or an oval shape, containing about three
feet of water, and in this water is to be seen a
creature apparently of the seal species, disport
ing itself in a most peculiar manner, ft is am
phibious. It measures about 12 feet in length;
and weighs 8 cwt. It appears that it was
caught with much trouble, and at great perso-
I nal hazard, by "Signor Cavannaand crew," off
the coast of Africa, on (he 4th of May, 1854.
It is the only individual of the species that has
ever L-ecn exhibited. "In offering this curious
animal to public view, the proprietor wishes to
inform his visitors that they are not to con
found ilwilh the marine wolf, as it is of quite a
different species. The female, which he has
the honor to present to the public, obevs the
. wordjofcommand, and executes various per- !
; formances, which have caused great admiration
to the first naturalists of England, France and
Portugal. The creature, notwithstanding its
' great ferocity, has with difficulty been tamed,
and in a sense domesticated. Such is its present
docility and obedience, that it has left its local
ity at night in search of its keeper, and has
laid down to sleep by his side. It is of enor
mous bulk, has'two rows of teeth, and' is cov
ered with fine hair. It only feeds on fish, of
, which it daily eats the immense quantity of 45
lbs. It is ferocious and dangerous to ity
enemy, but docile to its keeper, whose orders
and expressions it comprehends, and whose face .
and hands it kisses. Its intelligence is so ac- '
tive that it pronounces several words distinct- J
!y." Such is the description of the animal I
which we received on entering the room, and j
as fat as our personal observation went, we can !
bear testimony to the truth of this statement.
The animal utters 'he words, "mamma," aud j
"papa," distinctly, it roils over in the wafer
i repeatedly, obeys the orders of its keeper like
! a dog : when commanded, it raises its body in
1 an upright position, sits upon ifstail end, kisses
| both hands of its guardian, follows with its
| beautiful and intelligent eyes, his motions
j round the room, and stretches its feet over
the side of the tub to kiss his mouth. It also
, extends its fins, or paws, to shake h hands,
and we have little doubt it could be taught to
i leave its tub altogether, and to move np and
down the room as it were arm in arm with its
; master. Its eye 3 are larger than those of an
I ox, its mouth is most capacious, and it has two
rows of teeth as sharp and as strong as those
of a tiger. At night the animal sleeps on damp
I boards with a blanket or two. The fins or paws
I have each five fingerr, (hough the whole are
covered with a thick skin. It has two tails,
which are constantly in motion to guide its ev
olutions around the tub. It has no visible ear 3,
and yet it appears to understand every order
given.— Bell's Life in London.
A LARGE FISH.—OId Joe 'Phillips was an
awlul story-teller. When a stranger came to
his tavern, if he appeared at all credulous, old
Joe would tell i long yarn to his village
acquaintances, but talk at the stranger. A short
time since a stranger came into his bar-room,
with rod, line, and other fishing paraphernalia,-
when Joe seized a friend and startled him by
; the question :
"Did you hear about the big fish Col. Pot
ter caught to-day in the river ?"
The stranger pricked up his ears. Joe and
his friend, talk on after this style :
"No," said the friend, in answer to Joe's
question.
' "Biggest sturgeon that ever was caught
anywhere."
"Youdon't say."
"Yes, when I came away he hadn't caught .
all of of him, though he had about six feet ol j
hirn ashore."
"Gracious, how much did it weigh ?"
"Three hundred pounds ; and he made nine ;
barfels of oil.''
"Nine barrels of oil ?*' inquired the stranger,
advancing, "did you say nine barrels ?"
"Yes," said Joe fiercely, "I said nine barrels.
Is there anything strange, sir ?"
"Oh no, pardon," said the stranger, musing
ly ; "only I was thinking it a little singular
that yoti could extract twjnty-seven hundred
pounds of oil from thee hundred pounds of fish !" j
and gathering up his fishing utensils he left.
03?~Two Irishmen were one evening enga- 1
ged in the highly interesting task of stealing I
peaches.
Pat being the more nimble of the two had ;
climbed the tree, and was busily engaged in sha- |
king fruit therefrom, when he was stopped by i
Jamie with the exclamation
"Arrah, Pat, and shure and have payches
legs ?"
"No, you fool, why do you ask that question
ye blatlierhead, don't be makin' a noise but pick
up the payches," replied Pat.
'•But, Pat, are ye sure that payches haven't
any legs ?" continued Jamie.
"Didn't I tell yea they hadn't, ye bloody
spalpeen," rejoined Pat.
"Well then," said Jamie, "if payches hain't
got legs, be the mortal gob Iv'e swollered a
stbraddle bug."
Jaime had swallowed a tree-toad.
exchange paper says that there are
three candidates in one of the counties in Wis
consin for the legislature : Mr. J. M. Root is
the Democratic candidate, Robert Hogg is the
Free Soil candidate, and T. H. Dye is the
Whig candidate. So with the voters we sup
pose it will be Root, Hogg or Dye—and no
mistake.
"TOM, WHAT are you leaning over that
empty cask for ?"
"I'm mourning over departed spirits," was
the reply. i
WHOLE \I WftEU <*8.17.
Am A:.?oroi't vEromact.—A- French jour
nal relates the following story, which it will
' be seen ia French all over, besides being im
mensely funny :
While Mons. Godanl was filling an im
j mense balloon in the Cfuimp d Man. ha
amused the spectators by sending, up a small
j figure of a man, the perfeot semblance of M.
; Thiers without the spectacles. The little
; man being filled A'ith gas rose majestically*
into the air, and was soon lost to view among
the clouds. His adventures, which became
| known the next day, were curiooe. Thanks
i to a strong and favoring gale which tmpel
! led him on his course, the little balloon-man
arrived the same afternoon tn the siht of a
j country house m the neighborhood of
: Bievero. It was near the hour of dinner, and
i the lady of the mansion, who naturally thought
herself perfectly safe, was occnupied in tha
mysterieeof her toilet, it wwa' warm day,
and she opened ot the windows which
looked out upon the park, and was safe from
any prying eves. While tranquilly engaged,
by the assistance of a corset-lacing, in reducing
her wa-iet to a size and shape that would reflect
credit' on iier husband's taste, she was sudden
ly startled by a noise; and immediately the
casement was thrownopen, and our little balloon
man entered her chamber unannounced. The
lady utters a cry oi terror, and throws a shawl
over her shoulders. The little man, driven
by the wind, throws himself upon the unh .apy
woman, who, rcreaming louder than ever,,
dashes him off', and he conceals hiutself u:.ue:
the bed.
Just as the wife, in a supplicating voice,
says to this novel Don Juan: "Ah ! Mon
sieur, go away, you will ruin me !'* the hus
band furiously rushed in, crying : "Ah !
wretch, I have him now !" and goer in rearch
of lii sword to run him through the body.
The wife more dead than alive, reiterate*,,
in the midst of her sobs : "Fly ! fly ! Mon
sieur, anu rave me the sight ot a- dreadful
tragedy."
The husband arrives armed to the teeth,
followed by the whole household, wha seek
to mollify his anger.
While two of his friends hold the husband,
a third, stooping down, perceives OUT little
friend, who for good cause, utters not a wbrd,
and catching him by the leg draws him forth,
from his concealment, when, lo ! Monsieur
Balloon, no longer held down by the bedstead,
raises himself erect, swells out, and rises
majestically to the ceiling, to the amusement
of the spectators, while the poor jealous husband
sinks away, sword and all, heartily ashamed of
his causeless wrath.
"WHAT IN thunder makes you look so glum r
Tom ?"
"Oh, Fve had to endure a sad trial to my
feelings."
"To your pbeefinx ' Why what on airtfr
- was it ?"
I "Why, ahem ! —I had to tie on a pretty girl's
bonnet while her ma was looking on !"
"Sad trial indeed, Tom. Wonder you didn't
faint !"
'•Boy, YOS seem to be quite smart—altogether
too smart for this school'. Can yon tell me how
many six black beans arp V'
"Yes sir—half a dozen."
"Well, how many are half a dozen white
beans ?"
"Six, sir."
"Tremendous smart boy. Now tell me
how many white beams there are in six black
ones ?"
"Haifa dozen, if you skin 'em !"
A Tr.irr.Fß.—A young lady reeentfy arppi?-
ed to a city lawyer of Richmond, V'a., tor
advice as to how she would proceed to obtain
damages against any individual who trifle*
with her 'feelings.' The following note was
submitted in proof of the gentlemen's endeavors
to win the affections of Juliet :
"Deer , I send it bi the bov a bucket
of flours. They is like my love for u. The'
nite shaid menes kepe dark. The dog fenif
menps fam uie slave. Rosis red and pcwrs pail
Mr luv for u shall never fade."
O^Teacher —"Bey at the foot, spell admit
tance."
Roy—"A-d, ad, m-i-t, mif, t-a-n-c-e, tance,-
1 admittance.'
Teacher—"Give the definition."
: Boy—fTwenty-five cents —children haft
i price!"
latest and most wonderful cure et
i fecled by patent medicine, recorded, is the
following :
A boy had swallowed a silver dollar. An
hour afterwards the boy threw up the dollar
all in small change, principally in five cent
pieces.
women of Blissfield, Michigan, have
organized a lodge of the 'Daughters of Malta,'
and are holding their mysterious meetings two
or three evenings in each week. The men
have thus far failed to ascertain the bbject and
manners ol the new society.
tGfA man having hurt his forehead, was
advised to rub it with brandy. Some days
after, being asked if he had done so, he
promptly answered : 'Well, I have tried
several times, but can never get the brandy
higher than my mouth!'
As exchange says that H is just as sensible a
move to undertake to get married without cour
ting as to attempt to succeed in business with
out advertising. True as preaching. Our bu
siness folks can "stick a pin
CiF*Fortune is painted blind,.that she may
not blu e h to behold the fools who belong to
her.
VOL. 2, NO. 4ft