The Bedford gazette. (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, June 11, 1858, Image 1

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    TOLiME .Til.
NEW SERIES.
THE BEDFORD GAZETTE
3s ri'Di.isiu.n EVERY FRIDAY MORNING
BY MEYERS & BEN FORD,
At the following terms, to wit:
SI -s<> per annum, CASH, in advance.
s2.o<> << < if paid within the year.
$2.50 " " it not paid within the year.
OJ'Xo subscription taken for less than six months.
0 . "No paper discontinued until all arrearages are
paid, unless at the option of the publishers. It has
teen decided by the United States Courts, that the
stoppage of a newspaper without the payment ot ar
rearages, is prima farie evidence ot lraud arid is a
criminal offence.
G3r"The courts have decided that persons are ac
countable for the subscription price of newspapers,
it they take tiiem from the post office, whether they
subscribe tor them, or not.
ort gin a I fleet rg.
SPRING.
Soft blow the breezes over the hill,
The thr...!om of Winter is broken and gone ;
No longer rude blasts, desolating and chill,
Sweep o'er the green valleys with sigh and with
moan.
Then, welcome, :.dr Spring ! with thy sweet
bursting flowers,
Oh ! welcome again, to thy bright blooming
bowers !
Welcome thy freshening zephyrs and showers!
Now smoothing the fields whence old W inter has
flown !
Softly the blue-bird is wooing hi-rnate.
The redbreast is chirping his sonnets ot love ;
And chanticleer iu-'ily crows oa the gate,
As he hears the gav songbirds' sweet warble above.
Winter is gone, with his snow-covered moun
tains,
Spring has unbound the ice from the fountain -:
Softly the winds in the dim forests move,
And faint, O'l r t lie hill comes the voice of the dove.
ST. CLAIHSVII LB, June 10, 1858.
11l isc cll aa£o us.
THE DESTRUCTION OF JERUSALEM.
A few weeks ago Sir E. Dulwer Lytton deliv
ered a lecture in Lincoln, which city he had
lor a number of years represented in Parliament,
on the early history of Eastern nations. He
gave tin on I line of (he history oft lie Babylonian,
Assyrian, Persian. Egyptian, Greek ami J.-whir
nations, and closed with the following pow eri.d
and dramatic description of the destruction ot
Jerusalem by Titus: j
"Six yea is after the birth of our Lord, Judea j
and Samaria became a Roman province, under ,
subordinate governors, the most famous ot whom
iras P,,',' ins Pilate. These governors became
: a oppressive that the Jews broke out into rebel
lion: and seven! v years after Christ," Jerusalem
was finally besieged by Titus, afterwards Empe
ror of Rome. No tragedy on the stage has the s
same scenes of appalling terror as are to be found
in the history of I his siege. The city itself was
vent bv factionsat the deadliest war with eatn
Other—all the elements of civil hatred had b.o
.~n loose—the streets were slippery with the •
blood of citizens—brother slew brother— the
granaries were set on fire—famine wasted those
whom the sword did not slay. In the mi -t of
these civil massacres, the Roman armies appear
ed before the wails ot Jerusalem. i hen ' ;1 " 1
short time the rival factions united against tin
common lie'-, thev were again the gallant coun
trymen of DavTd'anc! Joshua—they sallied forth
and scattered, the eagles of Rome. But tin-tri
umph was brief-, theferocity of the ill fated Jews
soon again wasted its<-lf on each other. And
Titus marched 6n—encamped his armies close
hv the walls—and fro..-, the heights the Roman
t-onera! gazed with awe on the strength and
sr.lend /of the city of Jehovah.
Let us here pause—and take, ourselves, a
mournful glance at Jerusalem, as it then was.—
The city was fortified by a tiipb- wall, save on
one side, where it was protected by deep aim
impassable ravines. These walls, of the most
solid masonry, were guarded by strong towers,
opposite to the loftiest of these towers Titus had
encamped. From the height of that tower tiie
sentinel might have seen stretched below the
whole of that fair territory of Jud a, about to
pass from the countrymen of David. Within
these walls was the palace of the i.ings—iisroof
of cedar, its doors of the rarest marbles, its cham
bers filled with ttie costliest tapestries, and ves
sels of gold and silver. Groves and gardens
"learning with fountains, adorned with statues
i°f ! •or./", divided the courts of the palaces itself.
But high aboY fi 8"; a , precipitous rock,
rose the temple, fortifi?:! and adorned by Solo
mon. This temple was as wrtbd-. ?* a
citadel —within more adorned than a palace.—
On entering you behold p>orticos of numberhes
c-.-Sumn3, of porphyry, marble, and alabaster:
gates adorned with gold and silver, among which
was the wonderful gale called the beautiful.—
Further or., through a vast arch, was the sacred
portal which admitted itito the interior oi the
4. mple itself—all sheet, d over with gold, and
overhung by a vine tree of gold, the branches
ot which were as large as a man. Fhe roof of
the temple, even on the outside, was set over
with golden spikes, to prevent the birds seilhng
there and defiling the holy dome. At a dis
tance, the whole temple looked iiko a mount of
snow, fretted with golden pinnacles. But alas :
the veil of that temple had been already rent
asunder by an inexpiable crime, and tire Lord ot
Hosts did not fight with Israel. But the enemy
is thundering at the wall. All around the city
arose immense machines, from which J itus
poured down mighty fragments of rock, and
showers of fire. The walls gave way—the city
was entered—the temple itself was stormed.—
Famine in the meanwhile had made such havoc,
that the besieged were more like spectres than
living men; they devoured the belts to their
swords, the sandals to their feet. Even nature
itself so perished away, that a mother devoured
her own infant; fulfilling the awful words of
the warlike prophet who had first led the Jews
towards the land of promise—"The tender and
delicate woman amongst you, who would not
advenltiie to set the sole of her foot upon the
ground for delicateness and tenderness—tn-r eye
shall be evil toward her young one and the
children that she shall bear, (or she shall eat
them for want of ali things secretly in the seige
and straitness wherewith thine enemy shall dis
tress thee in thy gates." Still, as if the foe and
the famine was not scourge enough, citizens
smote and murdered each other as they met in
fhe way—false propiiets ran howling through
the streets—every image of despair completes
the ghastly picture ofthe fall of Jerusalem.—
And now the temple was S"t on fire, the Jews
rushing through the flames to perish amidst its
ruins. It was a calm summer night—the 1 Otli
of August; the whole hill on which stoo l the
temple was one gigantic blaze of fire—the roofs
of cedar crashed—lhe golden pinnacles of the
d une were like spikes of crimson flame.—
Through the lurid atmosphere all was carnage
and slaughter; the eel; jes of shrieks and yell.-,
rang back from the Hill of Zion and the Mount
of Olives. Amongst fhe smoking ruins, and
over piles of the dead, Titus planted the stand
rad of Rome. Thus were fulfilled the last a
vengmg prophecies —thus perished Jerusalem.
In that dreadful day, men still were living who
might have heard the warning voice of him they
crucified—'Verily f say unto you all, these
things shall come upon this generation.
O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that kilies!
the prophets and stones! them that .are sent unto
thee, * behold your house is b fninto
you desolate !'• And :hus were the Hebrew
people scattered over the lace of the earth, still
retaining to this hour their mysterious identity
stili a living "proof of those prophets they had
scorned or slain still vainly awaiting that
Messiah, whose divine mission was fulfilled
eighteen centuries ago, u|>on Mount Calvary."
TRACING AN IDEA.
The St. Louis Leader thus traces a poetic idea
to ils source :
Learning was, to a great degree, extinguish
ed in France by Iter first Revolution, lb r
subsequent ones have left her, fur literature,
only newspapers and novels—those the most
factious and these the most depraved that ever
were seen. But the last of these Revolutions has
almost swept them off: Voting oipoieo.n ha>
nearly ni her of politicians ; and, to crown that
benefit, lias now only to make an end of her au
thors. When Lo!h are gone, she may begin a
fivsh, at tlie staiting-point of some authority in
•i i ument and something sound in morals.
There is an evident literary identity of
thought between the following pa -age in
Shakespeare's '-As You Like It," and one in
Pope. Jacques says :
B- i.iJn -ri r-citi v* IjU.s. o. 1 i ti t , ♦ |)pp , -
I'[-. in the bro k that baawb along tins $ wl;
To the which place, a poor sequestered stag,
That from tiie hunter's aim had ta'en a liuit.
Did c mie to languish ; and indeed my lord,
The wretched animal did vent such groans,
That their discharge did stretch his leathern
coat
Almost to bur.-ting; ar.d the big round tears
fours':! one are 'her down bis innocent nose,
In piteous cl. ise and thus the hairy fool
St ,od in the extreme verge of the swill brouk,
Augmenting it with tears.
O
Compare this with Pope :
Su thestuick deer, in some stquesler'd part,
Lit-s down to die, the arrow at nis heart :
There, bid in shades and wasting day by day,
Inly lit* bleeds and pants bis life away.
This is stolen : but stolen as an artist might
steal precious material—marble, or a gem—to
work up in some fit and delicate creation of his
own.
While Pope lias seized, and, after Ids artistic,
r mocr, compressed this general image, another
gi eat pott has appropriated, for the wayward
meditations of his melancholy youth in the "Ele
gy in a Country Churchyard,'' the very spob—
the ovi i hanging tree and the murmuring brook
—by which Shakspeare's hurt deer takes re
fuge.
There, at the foot of yonder nodding beech,
That wreath its old fantastic loots so high,
His listless length at noontide would he stretch
And pore upon the brook that babbles by.
Finally, the whole general image ol the hurt
stag, deserted by the herd, is once more repro
duced, by Tom Moore, and sentimentalized
into an amorous dilt v, in which the horney and
hairy suflerer becomes both a hart and a husband
while the tree and the rivulet become bis lady's
I bosom and her eyes :
Come, rest in (his bosom, mv own stricken deer!
Though the herd lias fled from thee, thy home is
; stiii here :
i*. "C still is tlii' mile that no cloud can o'ercasi.
And the heart and the hand all thine own h>
the last !
But since we are talking of hurt creatures,
there is a bird that lias suffered in poetry almost
as much as the beast above commemorated : and
as that bird is our own national one, it is surely
fit that we should look into the manner in
which a series of bards have left fly at him.
Of that poor youth, Henry kirke While, who
slew himself with over study, Lord Byron says,
quite pathetically :
So the struck eagle, stretched upon the plain,
No more through rolling clouds to soar again,
Knew his own feather on the fat a 1 dart,
And winged the shaft that pierced him to the
heart.
Keen were his pangs, but keener far to feel
He nursed the pinion that impell'd the steel :
While the same plumage that had warned his
nest,
Drank the last life drop of his bleeding breast.
This thought is well enough amplified ; but
that is all. Where it was gotten, one •of the
conversations in Boswell's Johnson shall tell.
The Dr. savs there, of one of the controversialists
of his day, "Mr. McQueen is like the eagle
mentioned by Walker, that was shot by an ar
row feathered from his own wing. " This allu
sion is to Walker's "Lines to a lady singing his
own verses."
That eagle's fate and mine are one,
Which, on the shaft that made him die,
Espied a leather of his own,
Where with he wont to soar so high.
Hat Walker, by the very farm ot phrase,
hall-intimates that he refers to what had been
said by a yet earlier pott ; and accoidingly, tl
we go back to La Fontaine, we shall find the
whole story alieadv told.
Hot have we yet reached the i lea at its origi
nal source ? By no means ; lor tiiat, we must
yet trac a it back to Phaedrus in Latin, and from
Phacini3 ascend to one of the earliest ol the ,
Greek writers, Esop.
If it please our readers, however, we will,
pursue this parallelism of passages further on
some other day.
A SWINDLED GAMBLE 11.
now a cr.EKN Y.\ fought thetkif.k.
Some years ago, I was in a gambling house in
Cincinnati, a silent looker on at the game ot
faro. In those days such operations were car
rierl on rather openly, and aim -t under the eves
of the authorities, with unbarred doois, so that
any one could walk in, either in (lie capacity
of a better or a mere spectator. In the latter ca
pacity I found mys- II near midnight, w hen the j
door of the deu opened. Justasthe game be
gan to flag, not a sound was heart! but the click
to the checks and the rattle of some dishes a!
darkey was placing on Hie la i>■•, in walked ;
tall, raw-bom J, country looking chap, in agrav
satinett coat and coon-skin cap. Fie walk dup
to the only vacant plate at the table, and draw
ing ftotn his side pocket an enormous calf skin
wallet, which looked as if it night contain at
h-ast a thousand in lives ami tens, he a.Vuressed •
tiie dealer:
'•Look here, .Mister, I'm going to fight this
Tiger UP to the nines! 1 udersiand me, I al
lets • iglt to the d till; tiiat is, until 1 break you
or yon break me."
"Very g >tl," said the thaler, "vr u are one i
ot those we like to deal lor." Ami his eyes (air
ly glistened at the certainty ol depleting t'n
plethoric looking p .rf- t f ,k.
"Hut understand m-," continued the rough
looking customer, "tiiere is one thing you must '
<!o, and it is if you should break me, you must ,
give rue enough to carry me h an."
• I'll da it," saitl the "leg."
"Yes, yes, yes," responded the entire patty.
Jlere a dark'y announced supper, and the j
keeper of the "tiger" announced recess for hall I
an hour. The crowd went into the good things ;
pr. j ared, and Rough was not a whit behind the :
rest, lie dived into the venison, the uysb ;• pie
and the "chicken fixeps," until he could eat no
...mr .....i . ■ r,,,({•
fo>getting to wash down the wh he with liber
al potations ot brandy.
Refreshments over, labor i.id fail to com
mnece in right good earnest. The dealer took oil
his coat, rolled up his si. -v and seated him
self Rough -juared himself at the table, and
again diew the ponderous wa'let. All eyes
weie nowturtu'd upon him: for pedator.-', pa
trons of the rsta: i.s In • 11, rid even the
bankers themselves l .ok. d for a lull game.—
Rough drew from out the pockets of the capa
cious wallet ago ■ v and rattier suspicious look
ing five dollar biH, and called l >r the worth of
it in chips.
After scrutinizing is a moment, the deal r
tossed il into the drawer an ! pa-.- -.1 over a stack
of ten chips R nigh. I: * next gave the card
sundry scientific flirtf, plat illietn inn box, and
announced "All t adv." Rough plat' i his ten
chips on the a . and Ihe deal went on. Some j
eight or ten vv ■ re Jtaw n out, wlu-n the ace came i
to view on the top of the box, and the dealer
"raked down" the entire pile. lie then waited
a lew moments in expectation that Rough would j
open the pocket book again, but that individual j
continued resting his thin on the palm of his j
hand, and gazing abstractedly on the ace.
"Well" said the "leg," ''ain't you going to j
bet any more?"
"Nary red; I'm broke flat !" said Ronfti-
The "leg" laid back in his chair, ant! in a tone j
if re. ts( profound astonishment, said :
"The deuce you are! And I [ Edged mysell j
to give von money en .ugh lo carry yon home. |
in case vou got broke I"
"You did that, old Itoss!"
"Where do you live ?''
''Brownsville, up the liver."
"What will it cos! to fake you there?"
"At the present stage of water, I think I can
i get up for about fourteen dollars."
Such a shout as went up at this juncture was
never h-ard witJiin the walls of a Faro room !
'.visile yvifh great good humor the "leg" counted j
' out the fourteen dollars.
"My friend." said lie to Rough, "it is not:
evri v day one meets with a pat roo like you.— !
Go and help yourself to another drink of brandy j
and. water, and a cigar. Whenever you come
lo town again, give us a call. Call often—you
will find the latch-string out. I wish you a
safe journey. Give my respects to your wife
and children. Bye bye."
I Rough didn't shrink one iota from his raillery,
but tr.uk the proffered drink and cigar.
"I say," said he, as lye held the door ajar, "I
wish you better luck with the next green look
ing customer that comes along ; but before you
. make such a bargain wilh him, just ascertain
where he lives, and the size of his ]>ile and.so
saying he disappeared ami 1 the gruflaws ot the
crowd, in which the d aler heartily joined.
HP'The President lias not only demanded
explanations from England with regard to the
search of American vessels, but has despatched
the frigate Colorado with special orders to the
home squadron to stop any further interferences
from any quarter whatever.
tCp-A witness, in a liquor case, gave the fol
lowing testimony : "Sal soda is ice and water,
and some stuff squirted into it from a concern.
Don't know whether it is intoxicating or not.
It makes one feel good—feet lift easier.
Freedom of Thought and Opinion.
BEDFORD, PA., FRIDAY AIORNING, JUNE 11, ISSS.
ONWARD.
[['ROM TUB GERMAN.]
Cease this dreaming ! Cease this trembling !
Still unwearied struggle on !
Chough thy strength should almost tail thee,
Onward is the word alone.
Dare not tarry, though the Present
Scatter roses in thy way!
Though to thee from out the ocean,
Syrens sing their luring lay!
Onward ! Onward! without turning
'Ca';n = t the world's sharp griefs contend,
J ill upon thy cheeks hot burning,
Golden rays from Heaven descend.
Till thy brow the thick-leaved garland
Like a halo shall surround ;
Till the Spirit's flame, all brightly,
Hovering o'er thee shall be found.
Onward, liien, through all opposing !
Onward still, through Death's dark pain !
lie must wrestle on unyielding,
Who the of Heaven would gain.
iGOT MIS WEDDING DAY.
The But vi us Journal relates an odd occur
rence which transpired in that place last week.
We ropy, for (he amusement and instruction of
our readers :
A gentleman of Bucyrus had wooed am! won
a "lair ladv," residing near Norwalk in Huron
county. Some three months ago the wedding
day was fixed, viz : Wednesday, the 15th inst.
-ow our fiietid is an unexceptionable man in
all re.-peds but one—he is so absent minded and
l . ig fful that his whole life is governed by mem
orandums. He cannot rely at all upon his mem
ory, and in order to accompli-h anything im
portant or unimportant, it is absolutely necessa
ry lor him fo m ike a memorandum of it, and
refer to that me mora n Sum as frequent as pos-
I.nst Wednesday he should have taken his de
parture fi>r Norwalk, inasmuch as that evening,
at nine o'clock, precisely, tie was to have been
in tie the husband of one of the fairest daugh
ters of the ti ibp ol Huron?. But Wednesday
morning came, and the circumstance of that til -
ing his wedding day had escaped his memory
entirely. About three o'clock in the afternoon
he was walking down > i vet as abstracted as usu
al, when the idea struck him. He bolted into
a store arid asked. "What day of the week is
this?" "Wednesday." "What day of the
month?" "The loth." "Good Heavens," he
■-reclaimed, as he frantically rushed to a livery
A -I ' He of dei >0 the fastest team in the est ah
nSnjTF'lJt , .lIJU lfA JtJiOlt l< lurwugy
out of town at not much 1 ss than railroad
speed.
It was twelve o'clok that night when, cover
ed with mud, he pnjbd up the panting and ex
hausted steeds at the residence of his bride—that
should have been. The house wa? entirely dark.
Furiously he kn >ci.ed, and after a time gained
admittance, ihe lady was aw akened and came
fort!), when lo his unutterable confusion and
chagrin he Earned that a large and brilliant
comi anv had assembled to celebrate his nup
tials, that they had waited and waited, until pa
tience unfolded her wings and flew away, and
then they went too. He was too honest to ex
t• \ e himself i: '..He diiiif ulty bv a falsehood,
so he told the whole truth. The ladv burst in
to tears, iier father raved and stormed, and the
unhappy gentleman went nearly crazy with
vexs*ion and disappointment. His "graode
dissatislic," as the Frenchman said, was com
pleted when, having proposed that the ceremo
ny should !>e performed the next morning, the
lady told him positively that the engagement
was at an end, believing as she did that a man
who could forget Ids wedding day could nut
make a good husband.
Sadly he returned home, a bachelor, lie lias
improved wonderfully, and we guarantee that
on (lie next occn-ion of this kind he will re
member day and date exactly.
MEDICAL EPITAPHS#
A prolonged medical statement of the disease
of which ttie departed may chance to have died
is extremely popular. At Acton, in Cornwall,
savs a writer in Household I fords, there is this
particular account ol how one Mr. IVloreton
came to his end :
"Here lies enloiribedotie Roger Moreton,
Whose sudden death was early' brouglit on;
Trying one day his corn to mow oil,
The razor slipped and cut his toe of I j
The toe, or rather what it grew to,
An inflamafion quickly flew to;
The parts they took to mortifying,
And poor dear Roger took to dying.
And here is still a more entertaining one, upon
a certain lady in Devonshire, singularly free
from anv nonsensical pretence or i.lie
vado:
"Here lies Betsy Cruden, #
She wood a leaf'd but she cooden,
'T as na na sorrow as made she decay,
But this bad leg as carr'd she away."
There is a distressing inaccuracy o( metaphor
in the following south-country elegy; but the
meaning is painfully distinct .
"Here lies two babes 3S dead as nits,
They was cut off by ague fits."
A doctor of divinity, who lies in the neighbor
hood of Oxford, has" his complaint stated lor him
with unusual brevity, as well as bis place ol in
terment :
"He died of a quinsy.
And was buiied at Binsy.
To complete these medical extracts T may quote
this warning cvpress-flower, culh-d from a Chel
tenham Cemetery :
"Here lies 1 and mv three daughters,
Killed by drinking'the Cheltenham waters:
If we had stuck to Epsom salts,
We'd not been lying in thAehere vaults.'
WEBSTER'S REPORTS.
One evening, not many years ago, while the
Supreme Court was holding its sessions in Somer
set county, some ol the legal brethren were
warming their legs before a blazing fire in a
rural tavern, and conversing upon various mat
ters pertaining to the profession. R.J. Bacon,
whose long silence indicated that his mind was
in travail with some great thought, broke out by
asking if any of his brethren could relieve him
him from his trouble.
'I wish,' said he, ' to commence an action
against a boy who was caught stealing apples
I find no case of the kind in any of the Reports,
and I am at a loss for a precedent.'
The landlord overheard the question, and
informed the verdant that he knew a case just
in point.
'All!' said Bacon, 'in whose Reports shall I
find it V
'ln Webster's,'said the landlord very gravely.
'Webster's Rports ? Well, now you speak
of it, I think I do remember something like it
there. Do you know the volume V
'Yes, Ido I have a copy in the house if you
would like to see it.'
'I would be greatly obliged to you for it, as
T have left mine at home.'
The landlord stepped out, and soon returned
with Webster's Spelling Book, and turning to
the story—'An old manjfound a rude boy on one
of his trees stealing apples'—passed fhe book to
his legal friend, who threw it into the fire, in
tiie midst of roars and laughter, and speedily
made his disappearance.
FACTS FOR THE CURIOUS.
Thomas Jeff rson and John Adams both died
on the 4th of Ju1y,1826. John Adamsdied in
his 91st year, and was eight years older than
Thomas J*/feis 11 : Thomas Jefierson was eight
years older than James Madison ; James Madi
son was eight years older than James Monroe ;.
James Monroe was eight years older than John
Qoincy Adams. The first five ofthe Presidents
—all revolutionary men—ended their terms of
service in the 66th year of their age. Washing
ton, horn February 22, 1732 : inaugurated
1789 : term of service expired in theGGlh year
of his age. John Adams, born October I9th,
173b ; inaugurated 17.97 ; fprm of service ex
pired in the 66th year ot his age. Thomas
Jefierson, born April 21st, 174-3 : inaugurated
1801; term of service expired in the 66th year
of his age. James Madison, horn Marcli sth,
1751: inaugurated 1809: term of service expi
red in the 66th year of his age. James Mon
roe, horn April 2d, 1759: inaugurated ISI7,
term ol service expired in the 66th year of his
age.
Chester gentlemen were .lining at one o f ffle
hotels in that city, the other evening, when a
Bufi'alonian was unfeeling enough to reproach
one of them with the fact that Canandaigua had
got a murder of its own and was rather
taking the wind out of Ihe Rochester sails.
The major flared up indignantly. "4 hat Canan
daigua murder !" said lie : "it was nathing but
a dirty, drunken, barroom, fighting homicide!
Our murders, sir, are all premeditated.-'
"Wh >B K. an first played Sir (lilts Over
reach, (June, 1816,) he made as great an impress
ion on his fellow-actors as on his audience :
insomuch, that they agreed to present him with
a silver cup. When Munden was applied to,
he replied in his peculiar manner, "I've no
objection lo vour cupping Mr. Lean, but I it be
hanged if you shall bleed me."
[Cf "Can you let me have twenty dollars
this morning, to purchase a bonnet, my dear?"
said a wife to her husband, one morning at
breakfast. ''By and bye, my love." "That's
.what you always say, my dear, but can 1 buy
and buy without money ?" The husband han
ded over.
general opinion is (hat the vainest
of all biriis is the peacock. We think the
goose is the vainest. A goose, when entering
the bain through the doorway, invariably bobs
its head to avoid hitting the top. Evidently
every goose thinks himself at least fifteen feet
Wgh
ff WWA Scotch blacksmith gave the following
definition of metaphysics : —"When the party
who listens dinna ken what the party who
speaks means, and when the party who speaks
dinna ken what he means himself, that is meta
physics."
TWA very learned man has said—"The three
hardest words to pron ounce In the English lan
guage are —lw as mistaken !" How lew, in
deed, are willing to acknowledge tln-msoh t-s,
in the wrong at any time ! ~—
ITThe tgwW-h--man who attempted to cut
his throat With a sharp joke, a few days since,
has again made a rash attack upon iiis "victual
ling department," by stabbing himself with a
point of honor.
TWAn Irishman once told Quiz, that Ireland
was an execrable place : in fact, the only thing
worth owning in it is the whiskey. "Ah, said
Quiz'"vou mean to say that you love hers////."
[CP" A parish clerk, after reading the banns
of matrimony, was followed by the clergyman,
who gave out the hymn
"Mistaken souls that dream of Heaven !"
KWCharles Lamb is reported to have sai ! :
"The water cure is neither new nor wondeifuf,
for it is as old as the deluge, which in my opin
ion, killed more than it cured."
[CP* It lias boon discovered that bread can be
i manufactured out of wood. Long before this
i discovery was made, all wood was known to
have grain in it.
IJWThree things that never agree—two cats
■ over one mouse, two wives in one house, or two
lovers alter one maiden.
wallas; *1 2*©o,
TU A BOTTLR.
'l is very strange that you ant I
Together cannot pull ;
For you are lull when I am dry,
And dry when I am full.
CUPID SWALLOWKD.
15V I.IUNIR HOST.
T'other day as i was twining
Hoses tor a crown to dine in,
What,of ail things, 'midst the heat:.
Should 1 light on, asleep,
But tlie little desperate elf,
The ti n y traitor, Love himseli'
By the wings I pinched him up
Like a bee 1 and in a cup
Oi' my wine I sank him,
And what d'ye think 1 did ? 1 drank hind*
Faith, 1 thought him dead ; Not tie '
There he lives with tenfold glee ;
And now this moment, with his wings,
I feel him tickling my heart-strings.
j.- "Here is a couplet descriptive of a certain
member of the British Parlini 'nt who commit
ted speeches to memory :
'• Ward has no hfart they say, but I deny it :
Ward has a heart, and gets his speeches by it.
A VVoxoEurci. ESCATG. —The Auburn JlJoer
iiitr says thai the escape of James A. Cox of
that city, at the late railroad disaster, was won
derful :
".Mr. Cox was seafe j iu the third seat from
the front in the second passenger car—the car
that made the first fatal plunge. The first pas
senger car cit-ared the bridge, leaving behind
the trucks, wheels and floor. All the passen
gers ' aped serious injury. The second car.
following, fell, striking against the abutment
ol the 'midge, and was shivered to atoms. JWr.
C \ ti,.-t In ard the scraping of the two trains in
the collision, felt the tipping of the car, the
dreadful rush, plunge, and trie awful crash.
Th" next instant he was standing on splinters
so fine that twenty or thirty could be held inone
hand, the rain beating upan him and the most
profound siiiiness reigr.ing
"This awful silence lasted a moment only,
when the terrible shrieks of the wounded and
the fainter groans of the dying, came up from
the shattered mass. Mr. Cox, by a slight effort
extricated himself from the ruins, and found
himself entirely unharmed, except a slight and
unimportant scratch on his foot. He fell tire
splinters Hying past his head : below his feet to
his knees were.ruins heaped un ; on the left
were the crushed remains of the Alack children;
in front was the fatally wounded Perkins, of
Rochester, and almost beneath his feet were the
remains of .Moore, of Rising Sun, and the body
of a lady transfixed by two stakes."
BRINGING AN OBSTINATE JUROR TO HIS SEN
SES. —The Santa Cruz Sentinel, gives thp tol
buv'ine ":,.i nf n method adopted rerentlv
;u town to overcome the objections oi an ob
stinate juror:
Persuasion and starvati in are the approved
common law methods of producing the above
result ; but a novel method was lately Iried in
this town. By some means, a fellow juror, an
utfer stranger to all his brother jurors was pla
ced upon the jury, who dissented from the ver
dict agreed to by the other eleven. They came
to a joint conclusion without delay, but the
slrangei pertinaciously held out agaiust them.
After an hour of argument, with no avail, it
was at last proposed that the jury should return
a verdict of "guilty by eleven jurymen, who
b'ii< ve the other one to be a confederate of the
prisoner, and as great a rascal." This ended it
the stranger saw twenty vigilance committees
in his mind's eye, and in five minutes (lie jury
unanimously rendered a verdict of guilty.
THE BRITISH MINISTER'S VIEWS IS REGARD
TO THE RECEXT OUTRAGES IN THE RFLF. The
correspondent of the \evv York 'tribune saws •
"Lord Napier positively denies having had
any knowledge whatever of the recent procee
dings in the Gulf until they appeared in print,
and says thai he at once communicated with
the admiral of the squadron, inclosing the state
ments made and comments upon them, with the
emphatic injunction against their repetition,
lie believes that the home-Ministry were equal
ly ignorant, and hence his conviction is cieci
d J thai these acts will he promptly disavowed,
and the fullest reparation marie."
So we hope, and the Administration will take
care that we have security tor the future, as
well as indemnity tor the past.
EXFAN.-TVE BENEVOLENCE. —The following
sentence his been ascribed to Fenelon :—"£
love tnv family better than myself; my coun
trv better than my family ; and mankind better
than my country ; for I am more of a French
man than a IN melon ;. and more a tu<ui a
you black thief. Sambo, why
von betray dat secret I told you de odor day?"
"I betray the secret? 1 scorn de 'putation. I
found .1 could't keep urn, so I told urn to some
body that could !"
J see the villain in your face," said a
western judge to a prisoner. "May it please
your worship," replied the prisoner, "that must
be a persona! reflection, sure."
pass best over the world," said
Queen Elizabeth, "who trip over it quickly; for
it is but a bog if we stop, we sink. '
A dandv is a chap who would be a lady
if |, e could : but as lie can't, does all he can to
show'.he woi hi he is not a man.
Who ever heard of a widow commit
ting suicide on account of love? A little ex
perience is very wholesome.
A witness in an Irish Court of Justice, sta
led that h" was suddenly roused from his slum
ber bv a blow on his head. "And how did you
find yourself?" asked the counsel. "Fast a
sjeep,' replied the witness.
A sprightly little girl being asked 'what
is nothing ' replied, 'shut your eyes and yon
will see it.'
VOL 1, NO. 45