YOLI HI: •>. NEW SERIES. THE BEDFORD GAZETTE IS PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY MORNING, BY MEYERS it BEN FORD, At the following terms, to wit: 51.50 per annum, ii.isii, in advance. $2.00 " it paid within the year. $2.50 " '• if not paid within the year. subscription taken lor less than six months. K7"N paper discontinued until all arrearages are paid,unless at the option of the publishers. It has been decided by the United Slates Courts, that the; stoppage of" a newspaper without the payment of ar- i rearages, is prima, farir evidence of fraud and is a : criminal otFeuce. DSThe courts have decided that persons are ac-; countable for the subscription price of newspapers, , if they take them fiom the po-t office, whether they . subscribe for them, or not. Select o c 11* n. THE LAND OF DREAMS. F.Y W.H. C. BRYANT. A mighty realm is the land of dreams. With steeps that hang in the twilight sky. And weltering oceans, and trailing streams. That gleam where the dusky valleys lie. But over its shadowy borders flow Sweet rays from a world of endless morn, And the nearest mountains catch the glow, And flowers in the nearest fields are born. The souls of the happy dead repair From the lowest of flight to that bordering land; i And walk in the fairer glory there, 1 With the soul- of the living, hand to hand. ' i One calm, sweet smile in that shadowy sphere, i i From eyes that open on earth no more— One warning word from a voice once dear- How they ring in the memory o'er nd o'er. Far off from the.se hilts that shine with the day, And fields that bloom in the heavenly gales. The land of dreams goes stretching away To dimmer mountains and darker vales. There lie the chambers of guiltv delight; There walk i-he spectres of hope and fear; And soft tow voices that float through the night. Are whispering sin in the guileless ear. Par maid, in thy girlhood's opening hours, , Scarce weaned from the love of childhood's plav I he tears on whose cheeks are the opening doner 'i hat freshen the early bloom of Mav ' I bine eyes are closed, and over thy brow Pass thoughtlul shadows and joyous gleams. And 1 know by the moving lips that now i hy spirit stiays in the laud of dreams. I.ight-hearted maiden, oh heed thy feet! Oh, keep where that beam of paradise falls! And only wander where thou mavest meet The blessed ones from its shining walls. So s'naltthou come from the lar.d of dreams H'iih love and peace to this world of strife. And the light that over its border streams, Shall lie on the path of thy daily life. IXARiI'RAJi ADDRESS OF Oil. VILLIIV F. PHKER. FELLOW CITRZE\< :—in appearing before vot to upon mv duties as Governor of the com monwealth, I consult my own inclinations it conforming to the usage which demands a pop ular address; and, in the first place, I gladlx embrace this opportunity to return mv profounc and grateful thanks to the People of Pennsylva nia, for ho.n.-ring me with the Chief Executive office in their government. Their kindness will never be forgotten, nor will the confidence thev have reposed in me ever be intentionally betray ed. Duty to them and to mvself will require thai the obligation which I have just taken to dis charge my public duties with fidelity shall be tiilbltnly observed ■, and thus justifv, as far as pos.-f.bfe, the popular decision. Doubtless J may eoewnit errors in a position involving sc much of responsibility ; but I will hope that none of them will be of a grave character, or productive ol vtlsl injury to the public interests, I crave in advance a charitable judgment upon mv official conduct—that it shall be construed > with kind Bess and toleration so long as it shail appear to be prompter! by sincere and honest motives—and T here engage, and remain a part ot the official history of the ! State. Ido not understand this as a power oI dictating to Ihe Genera! Assembly the measures : they shall adopt, nor even as a power of iniliat l ing laws, but as ,ui informing and suggesting j power, in no respect trenching upon the just and proper jurisdiction of the legislative depart j ment of a tree Siafe. Jn short, it was never 1 intended togive a legal control over Hie pro ceedings of the Representatives of the people in the enactment ol laws. R is, therefore, a right of communication with them, which, while | prudently and reasonable* exercised, can give i n j just occasion for jealousy, objection, or c > n ! plaint. The Executive, when exercising this I right, is but performing a plain duty, and can ! apprehend no difficulty in speaking with a re l spectfui freedom evi n upon questions where an ! entire agreement id sentiment cannot he ex | pected. But, there is another and more deli cate power which pertains to the relations be tween the Legislative and Executive depart i ments. Bv the twenty-third and twenty-fourth sections of the first article of"the Constitution, aii bills passed by the General Assembly, and most of the eiders, resolutions and votes in [ which they may concur, are submitted to the Executive, and if disapproved bv him can oniv be made valid bv a vote of two-thirds ot each House. This power of disappioval is among the most important duties of the Executive, and is constantly becoming more so, fromthe opera tion of obvious and natural causes. In uiv opin ion it is the ciear and binding dutv of Die Exe cutive to return for re-consideration every hill, order, resolution or vote, presented lo him which he cannot approve—in other words, that , the assent of his judgment and conscience shall . be actually given to anv measure before he permits it to take effect : unless, indeed, it be . passed against his objection hv a two-thirds vote, ( file words ot the ( 'institution are "if he a f>— i prove he shall \/g/> it, but, if he shall not a[>- , prove, //e shall return it with his objections to , the House in which it shall have originated." , Words could not convex* a [tower, and proscribe a duty in a more clear and definite form. Jt manifestly the intention ol the C institution that the deliberate and conscientious approval of the Governor shall be viveii to a biJI before it be comes a law, in addition to the approval of the two Houses that have previously passed it : un less the majorities afterwards given to it upon re-consideration in each House, shall tie so de cisive as to cleailv indicate the wisdom of the measure. It is true that upon things trivial or indifferent, where no great interests are involv ed, nor constitutional principles in question, nor private rights assailed, considerations of ex pediency mav be taken info account bv theEx ecutne; but certainly i>" substantial objection, whether of police or of principle,can be waived by him in view of f.is oath to support the Consti tution. Ten days (Sunday excluded,) are al lowed the Executive to consider a bill, and to approve or vt-to it, alter which it Will become a law without his signature, if not previously re turned. The practice of my predecessors has been occasionally to pprmit luils to become laws by this limitation of time. Thev have ta ken effect in the entire absence of Executive action. Bull believe this ha-* only occurred where the Executive has fund it impossible to form a positive opinion upon the measure where, though not unobjectionable, it was tn vial—or, where it was manifest that a veto would not cause its defeat. This Executive practice ought not to be extended, and the prac tice itself is open to question. For if the pro vision that bills neither signed nor returned within ten days, shall become laws, was inten- d as a guard against Executive abuse, in hold ing them an undue period, and not as a mode by which the Executive might cany* them to take efFect, without the responsibility of acting upon them, it would seem clear that t ie practice of holding thein overforsuchpuqio.se cannot be defended. But the Legislature by its adjournment with in ten days after the passage ot a bill, may de prive the Executive of due time tor considering it, and hence it is provided that in such case it shall become a law unless sent back within three days after the next meeting. In modern practice a large number ol hills are usually sent to the Governor cvithin a few riavs of the ad journment ol the Legislative, widen it is-imposs ible for him to consider duly before the adjourn- merit takes place. In tact many are sent n, | )IU1 in the very closing hours ol the session, ihit il would seem plain that the Executive could reas onably ask in such case oniy the full constitu tional period of ten days for forming his opin ion, and thai all hills he believes it his duty to approve shall be actually signed within that'pe riod. Jlr the exercise of reasonable industry this can in all cases be accomplished. Then, such bills as he disapproves will he held over to he returned to the proper branch of the Gen eral Assembly within three days alter their next meeting, according to the constitutional provision. This will properly dispose of ail bills in his hands at the adjournment, unless indeed it be allowable to hold over bills and per mit them to become laws without his action. The propriety of signing bills by the Gover nor between the sessions of the Legislature has been questioned. It does not accord with the old practice, and is certainly liable to abuse. During my term it will be strictly confined to the first ten days after an adjournment, and all bills not then approved, may be considered as awaiting the next meeting of the General As sembly, to he returned with the Executive dis approval. The Executive should not he subject ed for long periods of time to the solicitations of those interested in bills, nor should he be subject to the imputations of indecision, or fa voritism almost unavoidable in such cases. ,\or is it right that he should have in his hands the means of influence which the holding open of his decision upon bills during a recess would confer. B-sides ; i great wrong may he done to those interested in legislation, by continuing them for an undue petiod in unceitainly as to the fate of hills in which their rights, iheir property, or fheii business mav be involved. These are evils which an Executive may obviate hy settling his policy firmlv in the outset of his administration, ft would tie well,also, for the Legislature to.so shape its action as to avoid the necessity ol sending many important bills to the Governor in the closing da\s or hours ol a session. Fellow Citizen*: —Although it will not be expected that I should at this time discuss in de tail the particular quest inns which will proba bly come before the government during my term. I desire briefly to give expression to the general views of public policy to which I hold, in their application to practical issues now pend ing. The currency of the State is in such a disorder*,! condition, that a general and whole some public opinion demands its reform, and the establishment of effectual harriers against luture i onvolsiuns. This is a subject which will test the intelligence, the firmness, and the pa triotism of the Representatives of the people jn the Legislative department, and mav impose grave responsibilities upon the Executive. j\lv view s are decidedly hostile to the emission and circulation of small notes as a currency : to the increase of Banking capital under present ar langements : and to the issue of hank paper upon securties inadequate tor their redemption. The uant of uniformity in the legal provisions under which existing banks operate, is objec tionable. In tlie revision and amendment of our hanking system, the public interests in my opinion demand tin* extension of the specie ba sis upon which issues are made : the suppres sion of the smaller denomination ot notes here tofore a| lowed : thorough reports of the condi tion and business of banks with iheir frequent publications : additional security, (Other than specie) to consist of the Isolds ol tins Stale or of tbe t ruled States, fiir the redemption of circula ting notes, including in all cases proper indi vidual liability of stockholders and f the hanks ' and the people, it is well worthy of earnest cort- j siderat ion. In reforming the currency, a single Stale can accomplish but a moderate amount of good, however sincere, intelligent and earnest it may ! lie, without the co-operation of olberStates, and j especially of those which adjoin it. Hank j notes are not stopped in their flow hv imaginary j State imes, nor does- it seem possible tor a State ; altogether to prevent t .reign notes from circula- 1 ting within her borders, even by the most strin- ! gent enactments. We must, therefore, invoke j our sist-r States to join with us in the repres sion of small paper, and in such other particQ l.ir-j ol reform as require for complete success their co-operation. Meantime to the extent of our power let us exert ourselves tf furnish our citizens with a safe and stahl- currency, to pre vent future financial convulsions sirt ilnr to that nndwr which the community has for some time been struggling; and to relieve the government iti its fiscal action from the danger of deprecia ted f r worth ess paper, and the embarrassments amine from dependence upon corpmations of her own creation. Ihe people ol Pennsylvania hv the recent adoption of an amendment to the Constitution on the subject of Public Indebtedness, have im posed an imperative obligation upon their ser vants to practise economy, to limit expendi tures, and to give their best efforts to the grad ual hut eventual extinguishment of the existine public debts. After eight years of experience under the sinking fund act'of 1549, we find our public indebtedness hut slightly diminished. il> constitutional amendment just adopted de mands the establishment <>l art effective sinking fund lor its payment, and I shall consider it one ol the leading duties of my administration to see that that amendment is'carried out both in its letter and its spirit. J cannot regard the reduction ol the tliree mill tax on property made at the last regular session of the Legisla ture, otherwise than as inopportune : and doubt less existing financial embarrassments will for a time reduce the amount derived from other sources ol revenue. Nor will anyjj very large i amount ol the purchase money of the main line of the public works be realized by the Treasury j tor a considerable period. It., will, therefore, be necessary for the Stale to husband her re sources, and to increase her revenues as far as is possible, without oppression to any interest,; in order to meet her current and necessary out lays, the demands ol her creditors, and the posi tive obligation of tho constitutional amendment. j i here is a great lack of consistency and prin ciple in the laws passed during some years in relation to incorporations. They have been created upon no settled, uniform plan ; aie ex cessive in number : and many of them unneces- Freedom of Thought and Opinion. BEDFORD, PA., FRIDAY MORNING, JANUARY 29, 1858. I sary to the accomplishment of any legitimate 1 purpose. I hey have doubtless encouraged ) speculation, and in various wavs contributed ; to the recent financial convulsion. Various and inconsistent provisions appear in acts estab lishing or extending the powers of corporate . bodies of the same class and general character. The tax laws relating to them are in some con ! lusion, and consequently taxes paid bv them ■ unequal, while some wholly escape anv share of the public burdens. In brief, our system of ' incorporations has become so vast, diversified and difficult of comprehension, that no reasona ble industry can master the whole subject, and understand precisely where we are and whither we are drifting. A thorough revision of our laws on this subject, and the establishment of general, uniform, regulations for each class of corporate bodies, with the avoidance, as far as possible, of special provisions for particular cor porations, are reforms imperiously demanded by the public interests in which I shall heartily co opeiate. I have no hostility to express against incorporations for proper objects beyond the power of individual means and skill ; nor gen erally against legislative facilities for the appli cation of labor and capital to the creation of wealth, where individual unprompted action will not go. Hut no one can assert that we have limited ourselves to such a policy, nor that our laws on this subject have been careful, I consistent and just. i But, notwithstanding all topics of regret or I criticism in our public career, (and"which , should bear their proper fruit in amendment j and reform,) we may well be proud of this | I ennsylvania ofours—of her people, her in.-ti ; tutions and her laws. She has become "Teat, prosperous and powerful -. ranking among the first o! ibe States : and Iter condition at home am! character abroad bear testimony to her merits, and promise tor her a distinguished future. Besides her agricultural resources, u hi' '• are great and first in importance, she is capable of producing in untold quantities those two articles of prime necessity and universal u.e. Iron and Coal. Even in times of wide spread financial calamity, when speculation and extravagance have done their worst to cripple the operations of capital, and stay the hand of labor in its useful toil, the leading interests of . | our State may be counted among the first to re ceive and to furnish a strong and reliable basis t j for dm resumption of activity in all the channels of employment, and in all the operations of , trade. That government would be unwise and ? >iind which would administer the public affairs . of this State, otherwise than in a spirit of kind . ness and protection to these great and capital , interests. From the earliest period ofour history, it lias been the policy of Pennsylvania to educate all " her citizens; and at this'time our institutions of learning and educational facilities are equal to those of any country. Our Common School system is justly distinguished a- one of the most practical and efficient in the Union. Let us then j cherish this traditional policy, coming down to ns from the fathers of the Commonwealth, and j by every means in our power foster and strength en the nlea>ure.-- now successfully producing the result.; so ardently desired by the patriotic ' men who have gone before lis. While our domestic affairs and policy natu i rally will occupy most of the attention of our ] Government and our people, it j- not to be for ; gotten that Pennsylvania hears very interesting relations to the other States of the confederacy, and looks with an anxious eye to the proceed i ings and policy of the General Government, j It is both our duty and our interest to cultivate j the most friendly relations with our sister States j and to frown upon all attempts to sow among I them feelings of alienation. We should exert ' our whole influence tn keep the government of ] the Union in its true position, as the common j agent of the states and the people, exercising high powers in trust for their advantage and welfare, and deriving all its powers from the written constitution which called it into being. At this time ire have strong reason to confide in that Government, as we know that its ad ministralion is in safe, able and patriotic hands; i and that it may be trusted to deal justly with ] all sections of the country. i Insubordination—an utter disregard and con- ' j tempt of just and lawful authority—has hereto j fore produced difficulties in the Territories of ! Kansas and Utah, and, in the case of the latter, i has now precipitated a state u' armed hostility | between the inhabitants General Gov- 1 ernrnent. In the former, the peaceful Ameri i can remedy for the redress of political griev i ances. real or imaginary—the ballot box—has ] been tor a long time abjured by a considerable ! portion of the population, and a struggle be tween legal authority and unlawful and irregu j lar combinations continued down to the present I period. Meantime, contributions ol money and ' aid from the States, have kept up excitement I and turbulence in the Territory, and enabled i designing men there to intlame passions, which j otherwise would Jong since have subsided.— The judgment and opinion of the country can not be too strongly consolidated in favor of the laws, and against all who rise up to oppose them by unauthorized means. i\or can the excuse for resistance to the Territorial laws, and for I failing to perform the duties of citizenship under them, that wrongs and frauds were per petrated at elections, be admitted as a justifi cation. Where elections are so frequent, and the rights of suffrage so liberal, as in this coun try, it is peculiarly the duty of a good citizen to obey existing authorities, and even objection able laws, knowing that the former can be changed, and the latter modified or repealed, within a very brief period. And as to disputed elections, they must be decided by the proper legal authority, and not by individual citizens, or irregular self-constituted assemblages. Insubordination to necessary and rightful au thority, instigated and encouraged by unworthy men in the organized States, who desired that discord should continue, and were willing to contribute to that object, is the prolific fountain from which the troubles in Kansas have hereto fore proceeded. It was natural, perhaps inevi table, that this conduct by a party in the terri tory should provoke an opposite party to manv unjustifiable acts, and to much imprudent and unreasonable conduct. Thus extremes act and react upon each other, and when the laws are defied and individual action let loose, wron", outrage and violence are necessary results. 1 he last phase of the Kansas question, which is upon the constitution framed by a Territorial Convention, is peculiarly for the judgmentof Congress, to which the power of admitting new States is confined by the constitution ol the Union. The representatives ol the people and ot the States in Congress assembled, will meet that question under all the responsibilities which they owe to their constituents, and which are impo sed ujwn them by their oaths ol otiicp: and with lull information upon mailers ol fact important to the formation of a final judgment. Events are constantly occurring in the territory which will afford matter for Congressional debate, and may affect the ultimate decision. To the people ol Pennsylvania the admission ola new State into the I n ion—into that conled eracy of which she is a member—must he at all timesa subject of high interest. And J be lieve [ express their sentiments as well as my own, in declaring that all the qualified electors ot a Territory, should have a lull and lair op poi tunity to participate in selecting delegates to iorin a Constitution preparatory to admission as a State, and 1 1 desired by them, they should also be allowed an unqualified right to vote upon such Constitution after it is framed. Of course those who then (nil to vote, in either case, can not complain that the proceeding goes on w ith cut their participation. It is to be hoped, that Congress will make such provision lor other 1 erritories that the present difficulty w ill have no repetition in the future. In conclusion, permit mp to observe, that all experience and reflection prove that the moral virtues form the only firm foundation of public order as we!) as individual character, and their support should therefore engage the profound attention ol Government, arid (he co operation oi all good men. Frail indeed will be anv structure reared fir the regulation of society, and tne promotion of man's true and substantia! happiness, unless it stand upon a foundation more permanent than paper arrangements, or the fleeting impulses of the hour! The recogni tion of a Great Supreme Power, which rules the affairs of nations and of men, is the onlv support of those virtues which can make a peo. pie distinguished and prosperous, and give to Government duration and success. Sincerely imploring the Divine guidance in the perfor mance of duty, I assume the post assigned me by the people, indulging the hope that at the termination of my service I shall enjov tf.p approval of my own conscience, and behold Pennsylvania advanced and secure in her hosi tion as one ol the great communities of the New j World—her standard aloft, and proudly hearing ! untarnished, her motto of "Virtue, Liberty and i Independence."' WM. F. PACKER. "KEEP TO THE RIGHT/' U hat a text for a sermon ! I wonder if the j painter of these few words upon that rough board knew that he was going to be a street ' preacher, and to the wandering, wavward soul ' point the way. "All men are preachers,"says j a German proverb, "for ever pointing to others i the way, tmt never walking therein tiiern- j selves." Every man who paints upon a board, ' "keep to the right !" is a preacher, whatever , his file may be. ]f this one command stood a lone in the book called holy, it would be suffi- : cient to guide to Hraven. Htep to the right in the highway. No mat ter i|hether poverty in rags, or wealth in er mine, meet you, it you move steadily to the right, there will he no collision or jostling. Keep to the right in life's highway. Never ask what saith law or custom: ask which is the right way, and zealously walk therein. Keep to the right, young man ! Your happy home is on the right. Your beautiful sister is press ing her face to Ihe window pane watching for your coming. She love S you with all the ar ' dor of her poor young soul; go to her, and iearn wisdom and purity. Your mother waits for you. She has whispered your name in sweet prayer —has asked good angels to lead you away from sin and temptation. Your good' father, weary and worn, has gone to his dreams, saying as he went—"Would to heaven my child would keep to the right Keep to the right, daughters of fashion! Avoid the path marked out for you bv soulless men and weak-minded women : it leads through thorny ways, to an early grave. Do not bai ter your glorious inheritance for glitter and gold. Do not waste the wealth of vonr large soul in the whirlpool of fully. To" the riTt you will iind true, brave hearts to welcome yon into the field of earnest labor. There will vou learn life's great lesson—its holy mission. Keep to the right, faltering sister! Let not the syren song of the seducer jure vou into the crowded path on the left—it leads' to degrada tion. Robbers are in the way, who will steal your peace of soul, your angelic beauty, and your priceless purity. True, the path to the right has few travelers: but the few are glorious souls. Thev have not bowed clown to the golden gods of man's ma king : they have not borrowed the flimsy garb of virtue ol the f>ord, or masks from sham Christianity to serve his majesty the devil in. Thpy have asked the nearest way to heaven, and are clearing a road that way. RELIC tors NEWS. —The Nuns of the Holy Virgin, at Jerusalem, have purchased the ruin's of the Pra'torium on which Christ was sentenced. The Turkish government have sanctioned ihe j purchase. The intention of the Nuns is to build ' near it a monastery, with a large wall, which is to include the ruins, which they intend to : keep in their present state. waioi.i: \I TIBER -27H1. ' . ~AT ONSTER —The monster gun of ' n ; ni, " d States corvette Plymouth weighs | lb,ooo pounds avoirdupois. It JS covered with a coating ofvermillion and beeswax, and therefore has a red instead of" the usual black appearance of a ship's gun. The heavy JJahl 2ren guns have two vents, which facilitate the.r rapid and safe firing. The weight of each shell they discbarge is about 13G pounds, and that of each solid shot 174 pounds. The sound of the shel, and shot, traversing a distance of : ,ree trtdes is lost in the enormous space which it traverses. One peculiarity of the Dahlgren gun is its enormous strength and thickness where the greatest force of the powder is ex pended. in experiments made to test the strength of these guns, one of them had been tire loh nearly two thousand times, with a large proportion of shell shot, without bursting. \ BIG STOKV AAD A BIG MAA. A correspondent of a Cairo (III.) paper gets on tile following genuine specimen of bi talk ing- It beats Davy Crocket: Waterbury, a brakesman on Tom Fay's i train, is an original genius and a remarkable man: his weight is two hundred and eighty, raw-honed, with a dangerous spread in hissli- I tie, tuoad shouldered, strong jawed, with a fist (that has half horse-power. When thev whis tle down breaks, he brings up the train"so sud jden that if olten breaks the coupling chains.— hen he eats he takes enough /or six men, and ie drinks whiskey out of a quart cup, then knocks the landlord through a board fence or inside of a house if he w ants any pay. He is under a five hundred dollar bond not to strike a rn.in at Sandoval for fear of injuring the* build— ; mgs, they being slightly built. His' hair is as ; coarse as hay, and sticks up like the quills of a i "fretful porcupine." Jt takes two table cloths j to Wipe his nose, and he generally feeds him self with a scoop-shovel and pitchfork. When he exerts himself in a trip, he accumulates 14- pounds and G ounces of dirt and lamp oil. and is not allowed to wash himself i n any stream smal ler than the \\ abash, for fear ol the cholera. Once, when old Jenks cursed him, he turn ed in and whipped nineteen men out of revenue. He was to ride with his back to the car and let his toes stick out over the platform, it bein*- too narrow for the length of his feet. His great toe looks like a sea-turtle's head, and his nose like a young robin held by the head with the big end down, brilliant and pitted like a ripe straw berry. his eyes have a twinkle of cood humor and a fascination for the fair. The" skin of his lace lies m folds, like the skin of a rhinoceros his teeth look like cogs .n a mill wheel; he has to have his hat made to order, and when lie loses it he wears a water bucket, with the bail under the chin. He will travel this summer, but can be seen for a few days at Sandoval free of charge. He thinks hp "dead heads" his livin ff , hut the company secretly pays Mr. Merrit a'dollar a meal. THE ROOT OF THE MATTER.— An individu al sent for his physician, and after detailing the whole catalogue of his pains and aches, he de liberately summed up thus : "Now, doctor, you have humbugged me lonf enough with your good-for-nothing pills and worthless syrups and trash—they don't be begin to touch the real difficulty. I wish vou to strike the real cause of my ailment, if it is in your power to reach it."' "With all my heart," said the doctor, "it shall be done"* Then lilting his cane, wjgp on ? blow he demolished a decanter of brandy that stood on the sideboard ! "There," said he, "drink only of heaven's dis tillery—pure rain water, and "you won't need mv syrups." Cuess doctors would be honest men if their patients would let them ! Even so would priests, by the same rule; and lawyers, too—all become honest men, if a stupid world would let them. So much for cause and effect.— Materials for Thinking. The other day as Chang and Eng, the Siamese twins, were going to" Charleston, the conductor of the cars made a fuss because they did not each have a ticket. Jhe gentleman who had charge of them said Jhev had always been carried on the ticket of a single passenger. The conductor replied that they were two per sons, and occupied two seats ; they must there fore pay two passages. "Very well," said the gentleman, "1 will give the "ticket to Chang, and you can put Eng of] the cars." This brought the conductor to his senses, and be "knocked under." QCP"A Shipbuilder was one*- asked what he thougot at Whitfield. "Think" lie replied: "I tell you, sir. every Sunday that ] go to my par ish church, 1 can build a ship from stem to" stern under the sermon : but, were it to save mv soul under Mr. Whitfield I could not lay a "single plank." OCP*A rather thick headed witness in the police court at St. Louis was asked the question whether th party accused "stood on the de fensive." innocently replied, "he stood on a bench." §nP""Can a body eat with these things?" ask ed an eldeiiy lady who was handling a pair of artificial plates in a dental office, and admiring the fluency with which the dentist described them. "My dear madam," responded the dentist, "mastication can be performed by them with a facility scarcely excelled by .Nature herself." "Yes, J know," replied the female: "but can a body eat with them ?" to a little boy—"Well my little bov aint vou lost ?" Little bov stepping back and eyeing stranger —"Look here mister, dont be so familiar, if you please-I am not unprotected," laying his hand on a revolver, "just remember lam a gentle man." VOL 1, NO. 26.