Celebrating Holidays
With A Blended Family
Holidays can be challenging
times for blended families. Unre
solved feelings, bitterness, and
mixed loyalties can sidetrack
what should be a happy time.
However, with some advance
planning, flexibility, and creativ
ity, your blended family can
enjoy pleasant and enriching hol
iday celebrations.
In a blended family, at least
one adult has a child or children
from a former relationship. These
Christmas *G'* t eNV
St« te
Sale at:
Receive 10% off if you purchase a
Gift Certificate...
December
% \de»*
children regularly visit or live
with the couple. A blended family
may be small, consisting of an
adult couple and one child, or
larger, perhaps consisting of her,
his, and their children. Custody
arrangements may result in the
parent’s building a family around
full-time, shared, or weekend
step-parenting. If your family is a
blended family, consider the fol
lowing suggestions that may help
you manage the challenges of the
holiday season.
Be Flexible. Who says your
Progressive Shoe Store
25 N. Belmont Rd.
Paradise, PA 17562
717-768-7866
18,
Thur.
8-8
off all our stockings,
lack and etc., slippers and lots
t specials - Be sure to check
rgai
Che
New
wal
family has to celebrate a given
holiday on its official date? Who
says all members of your blended
family need to be together on a
particular holiday? Do your best
to stay out of power struggles
with former spouses and other
family members about where the
children will spend the holiday. If
you adopt a flexible attitude,
you’ll discover many satisfactory
ways to celebrate holidays.
For example, in your family
you may decide to celebrate
Thanksgiving on the following
Sunday. In the short run, this
may ease the stress on everyone.
You may start a new tradition
in your family. Creating new
ways of celebrating encourages
the growth of bonds between
family members and creates
pleasant memories that are not
rooted in the more distant past.
Encourage sharing of feelings.
Let youngsters, grandparents,
and others share their feelings.
Listen sensitively without inter
rupting or trying to fix problems
they share with you. You may
not agree with everything a per
son says (and you certainly
will not be able to accommo
date everyone’s preferences),
but family members will ap
preciate your listening to
them and taking their needs
into account.
Allow time and space for
the child whose biological
parent is not present to ex
press sadness, regret, or
guilt. Sometimes a child will
feel disloyal to the absent
parent. Acknowledging such
emotions helps the child
move through these feelings
rather than getting stuck in
them. Reassure the child
who will not be with you that
he will be missed, but that
you will be all right. Give
C Gift-
20
19,
Sat.
8-12
Fri.
8-8
him permission to enjoy himself
with the parent he visits. If you
have conflicting emotions, con
fide in a caring adult rather than
your child.
Plan Ahead. Discuss options
and plan in advance of a given
holiday. Encourage family mem
bers to share their ideas, as it
helps everyone voice their opin
ions and avoid unrealistic expec
tations.
Deciding how to celebrate the
holidays may not be easy, but
planning in advance can help you
bypass problems. Particularly
when young children are involv
ed, it is nice to anticipate the hol
idays without the stress of last
minute planning. Remember,
keep the plans simple.
Avoid Competition. In blended
families, stepparents, former
spouses, grandparents, and other
adults may compete for the time,
favor, and attention of children
in the family. Sometimes chil
dren, taking their cues from
adults, compete for the favor of
others, too. This competitiveness,
while subtle, damages family
well-being and promotes an un
healthy air of tension. Realize
that the competitiveness is
usually rooted in jealousy and
feelings of personal inadequacy.
Focus on being the best person
you can be. Appreciate your posi
tive qualities and those of your
family. Enjoy yourselves. Avoid
feelings of jealousy and un
healthy competition.
Avoid over-commitment.
Three complete holiday meals in
one day are too much for any
one’s stomach! This example is
just one way blended families
may over-commit during a holi
day. Do less, better. Keep your
celebrations manageable and en
joyable. End family get-togethers
before fatigue sets in, and plan
activities that leave everyone re
laxed when they’re over.
If you share gifts, be thought
ful, fair, and creative, making
sure you don’t spend more than
you can afford.
Sea What Makes
Us #1!
For over 35 years, we have built
a reputation on high quality,
great selection, attentive,
friendly service and
incredible value. But don’t
take our word for it.
Try our mouth watering
Crab Bisque, Clams Casino,
Live Lobster, Crab Imperial,
ocean fresh fish and you’ll
sea for yourself. Oh yeah,
did we mention our
juicy Prime Rib?
(. somers point circle
Lancaster Farming, Saturday, December 13, 2003-B5
THECRAB TRAP
new jersey
lunch • dinner • cocktails
, 609«927*7377
Rise above bitterness. Make it
a game to see if you can be calm
and even-minded in challenging
circumstances. Children in blend
ed families are relieved and ad
just best when the adults are at
least pleasant to one another.
Children may not care all that
much when, where, or how they
celebrate a holiday. However, it is
very important to them that the
adults they love get along with
each other. Look upon challeng
ing relationships as a test of your
creative ability, kindness and
inner strength. When you focus
on changing yourself rather than
trying to change others, you set a
valuable example for children.
Enjoy your family’s unique
ness. Expect your stepfamily to
be very different from a first
marriage family. A blended fami
ly is no better or worse than any
other family, but it is unique.
Learn to appreciate the advan
tages of your family and the
strengths of each person in it.
Avoid blaming problems on
the blended family. Kids will be
kids and adults will occasionally
be immature whether in a first
marriage family or a stepfamily.
The idea of perfect families
who celebrate perfect holidays is
a myth. All families struggle, and
it’s through these difficulties that
we grow in understanding. Ap
preciate your family as a training
ground for love. Discuss what is
right in your family, and express
appreciation for one another. Do
it until it becomes a habit.
Maintain a sense of humor. All
step-families go through hard
times. It is tempting to bring the
heaviness of the past into the
present. Avoid this tendency.
Focus on having fun, even if you
must be a little outrageous. For
youngsters and older folks, gloom
disperses quickly when someone
gets silly, breaks into a grin, or
makes a funny comment.
Especially during the holiday
season, blended family members
need permission to let the past
stay in the past and enjoy the
present.
Get Koz\
■g|g==| I
K?S
BsaH .
J
*4*
Kozy Hi-at
Mkl"i ' ( i s
1060 Division Highway
322 East,
Ephrata, PA 17522
1 Block East of Rl 222
(717) 733-4973
800-642-0310
www.bowmansstove com
Mon.,Tues., Wed.
10 to 6;
Thurs., Fri,
10 to 8;
Sat. 10 to 4
j
K