Family Living
Focus
by
Yvonne M.
Szpara
Schuylkill County
Extension Agent
Grandparenting In
The New Millennium
Grandparenting today is far
different than a generation ago.
Just as the nuclear family is no
longer the norm, so it is with
grandparenting. Some seniors are
jusy trying to be grandparents;
others are raising their son’s or
daughter’s children; and still oth
ers are struggling to learn how to
be grandparents in a suddenly
blended family.
Many well-intentioned grand
parents end up causing problems
by undermining Mom and Dad’s
authority with the grandchildren,
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spoiling them, and not adhering
to the family rules. This type of
behavior can cause stress and
tension among all the
generations. Remember these
suggestions if you are trying to be
a grandparent in this new millen
nium:
• No favorites allowed don’t
show favoritism for one child
over another. Every child has
special aptitudes; appreciate the
uniqueness of each and every
grandchild.
• Don’t undermine parental
authority Children are able to
cope with different rules or ex-
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pectations at home versus at
grandma’s place, but do not tam
per with parental rules about
safety issues (like car seat use),
health issues (like food restric
tions), or daily routines (like bed
times).
• Don’t try to compete with
their parent(s) for the children’s
attention. Your role in your
grandchild’s life is supportive but
still very important children
need love from many sources
it’s not supposed to be a competi
tion.
• Don’t speak ill of either par
ent. Even if Mom or Dad has
abandoned the family, don’t bad
mouth the absent parent. Try to
honestly explain the situation,
and leave a hope for the parent’s
return.
• Be very non-threatening if
you choose to share any parent
ing tips with your child, and re
member that they may choose to
totally ignore your advice. Make
the suggestion only once and if it
is ignored, than let it be. The par
ents) have the authority to set
rules for their own children. You
can offer praise, approval, and
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encouragement for their efforts.
You are not the star of this rela
tionship; you are part of the sup
porting cast.
According to the latest statis
tics, 33 percent of persons 65 or
older are actually step-grandpar
ents, and the numbers are grow
ing rapidly. The effort to estab
lish a special relationship with
grandchildren in a blended fami
ly is especially awkward if there
are other grandparents in the pic
ture. The best way to cultivate
this new relationship is simply to
spend time with the step-grand
children.
Don’t treat these step-grand
children any different than the
other grandchildren. If you at
tend recitals and sports events for
grandchildren, then do so also for
the step-grandchildren. Get to
know their friends and their in
terests. Remember their special
events.
Recognize that the blended
family will be undergoing their
own stresses of trying to become
a unified family, and that you
may be kept at an emotional dis
tance for quite a while. Try to
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stay focused on the needs of the
grandchildren, rather than your
desires or expectations for the re
lationship, and above all, don’t
pry into the past.
Step-grandparents who are
sensitive to the complexities of
the situation and respect the
grandchildren’s needs and wishes
have a good chance of eventually
developing a lifelong bond with
the step-grandchildren.
Grandparenting today may re
quire greater patience and flexi
bility than in yesteryears, but the
importance of grandparents is
the same, if not greater. As the
structure of families continues to
change, and the pressures on par
ents and children in today’s so
ciety keep growing, the role of
grandparents becomes crucial. As
a grandparent, you can offer
love, support, and stability to
both your children and your
grandchildren.
Information for this article
has been adapted from Family
Information Services, January
and May 2002. For further in
formation about additional re
sources on grandparenting in
the new millennium, contact
the Schuylkill County Exten
sion Office at (570) 622-4225.
04-H
HAPPENINGS
Pictured above from left are: Sum
mer Chronister, Dillsburg; Detra Dea
trick, New Oxford; and Clayton Wood,
Littlestown. These Adams Co. 4-H
members recently participated in the
fifteenth annual Penn State 4-H Am
bassador Conference at the University
Park Campus, where they attended
workshops on diversity, posters and
displays, interactions with the public,
presentations and team building, and
leadership development.
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